Janna Vs the Forces of Evil
by Jason Valdor
Summary: What if the magic instruction book was sent to earth, but Star stayed behind? What if Janna finds it, and soon finds that it's not only real, but actually works? Join Echo Creek's resident troublemaker as she teams up with everyone's favorite safe kid, in this dedicated AU for Janna Vs. The Forces Of Evil! Season 2 has begun!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi there! Whether you're a new reader or a returning viewer, thank you for reading. This is an AU that asks a simple question: what if Star never came to Earth… but her magic instruction book found its way there without her? She'll show up eventually, but… for now, we've got Janna.**

 **We've done our very best to imitate the show's style of storytelling as best we can, and we appreciate your view.**

 **Written by myself (Jason - /u/theinvaderzim on reddit) and SirKyleLenn (/u/sirkylelenn on reddit). Inspired by an AU by Skleero.**

 **Tumblr with art, updates, comment responses and more can be found at: therussohousehold(dottumblr)dotcom. Sorry for the crappy URL. This website doesn't like links.  
**

* * *

Echo Creek was the very essence of a normal California town. Sitting on the outskirts of Los Angeles, there were no outlying demographics, no interesting sporting events, no fun games to play or people to see.

Within Echo Creek Academy, though, a certain student couldn't stand that normalcy. The resident troublemaker, self-proclaimed mystic and occasional flirt, Janna _hated_ that her town was so normal. No mystic portals to other worlds, or demon witches selling potions in alleyways, or even some light gang violence? What a ripoff! And so, she found herself in the back alley of her school, making her best attempt at ripping through that reality. From where she was standing, though, that dream was a pretty long ways off.

"Come on Horatio, don't screw me on this!" Janna hissed into her phone. "I need those supplies or I'm _literally_ going to go _insane_ from boredom!"

"Sorry, Janna!" The muffled voice over the phone replied. "Contacts fell through, and Jesky got stuck on the border." There was a brief, heavy sigh. "Again. That tiger blood is gonna have to wait until next week."

With a click, the line went dead. Janna was left staring at her phone, clearly irritated. "How am I supposed to summon an eldritch horror without any _tiger blood?_ What kind of name is Horatio, anyways..." She growled at the blank screen. Echo Creek had been boring for as long as she'd known it. Which had been… well, forever, by her counting. She'd lived in the little hub for her entire life. And despite her best efforts, every attempt to summon demons, dragons or eldritch horrors failed. She couldn't even count the number of faulty incantations she'd invested herself into. She'd probably sold her soul to the devil ten times over, by now.

Lifting her arm as if to chuck the phone in frustration, Janna was distracted by a tearing noise and what sounded suspiciously like the screams of the condemned _,_ two sounds definitely out of place in the otherwise still alleyway _._ The lid on the dumpster next to her suddenly fell shut as something landed inside.

"What the…?" Janna asked herself, her curiosity piqued. Sure it was unlikely, but maybe this day wasn't a total loss after all. She hated rooting through dumpsters for supplies, and her skirt and sweater weren't particularly well-suited to the task. But when life gave you lemons…

Opening the lid and peeking inside, Janna gagged at the stench. The cafeteria's food didn't smell the best under normal circumstances. Being left in a garbage can for a week and a half hadn't done it any favors. Sitting atop a trash bag, however, was something that couldn't have belonged there. A big, bound tome, with mysterious symbols etched across the cover. It looked like a magic book - Janna had tried to get her hands on dozens - and now here one was, practically landing in her lap.

"Well hello there, beautiful." Janna muttered. Putting her hands around the tome, she attempted to drag it out of the dumpster with a strained grunt. She succeeded, barely, the book landing on the ground in front of her as she fell back into the dirt.

"Heavy… cool!" The would-be sorceress's eyes sparkled as she pulled the book open. Inside was a collection of sprawling notes and scribbled remarks that nonetheless could only be constituted as a series of notes on spells, incantations and their effects.

Janna grinned. Maybe Echo Creek wasn't as dull as it seemed. She had no idea how this book had suddenly appeared for her, but she was prepared to abuse it to her fullest potential.

"But first…" she cast her eyes at the filthy dumpster, quickly deciding that she didn't want to be casting her first set of spells in the smelly back-alley of her academy. She couldn't imagine that it was particularly conductive to any magical energy, either. Once again, she placed her hands on the heavy tome, resolved to drag the book into the school.

With a huff and a puff, Janna slowly dragged the book through the halls of Echo Creek. Luckily, class was in session - no pesky students to get in the way, or try and pester her about why she was carrying the old thing. The teachers were all in class, too, meaning that all she had to worry about was…

A sense of prickling annoyance overcame her when she heard some whistled theme music from around the corner. There were only two options: either by coincidence, some other student was out of class and happened to be whistling the theme to _George Bomb,_ or she was about to run into the hall monitor.

Sure enough, Marco Diaz, resident safe-kid and this week's hall monitor slid around the corner, back to the lockers, eyes shifting left and right and urgently speaking into an imaginary wristwatch. "Hallway two-seven clear, advancing to two-eight." A sash embroidered with "hall monitor" adorned his normal red hoodie.

"Hey Diaz!" Janna called from the other end of the hall. Marco was a dork. It made her smile a little bit to see him, for some reason.

"Aaaah! Intruder!" Marco nearly jumped out of his shoes when Janna called to him, even going so far as to aim a finger gun at her before coming to his senses. His face flushed red with embarrassment. "I mean, Janna! What are you doing out of class?"

"Never mind that, Secret Agent Diaz." Janna smirked as he approached her. "Don't suppose you could help me move this thing?" She pointed to the spellbook.

"Uh… what is it?" Marco asked, apprehensively. Knowing her, it was probably some kind of voodoo-vampire-magic-zombie book.

Janna shrugged. "Dunno, found it in a dumpster."

"So that's what that smell was..." Marco took a step back and cleared his throat. "Well, Janna, I hate to do this, but you know the rules. I'm gonna have to take you to Miss Skullnick. Come with me."

"Marco, if I get another report, I'm gonna get detention." Janna explained shortly. Shifting her tone to something softer, she continued: "I'm sure we can… work something out." She slid up next to him.

"No." Marco set a finger on her forehead and pushed her back. "I'm sorry Janna, but rules are rules! And without rules, there's only anarchy. And you wouldn't want _that,_ would you?"

"..."

The two stared at each other for a moment before Janna broke the silence. "So was that sarcastic, or…"

"Sorry. Anyways, come with me." Marco took hold of her arm.

"Well, I hate to do this Marco, but…" Sliding out of his grip, Janna reached into her sweater pocket and withdrew a well-thumbed notebook and flipped to a page. "Three weeks ago, you were doing that weird nod thing to Jackie, and some guy bumped into you and knocked you over. For some reason, this bothered you, and you grabbed me to distract Jackie to give you time to recompose yourself."

"Ugh… where are you going with this?" Marco asked as he shifted his weight.

"You said, and I quote, 'I owe you one.'" Janna smiled mischievously. Marco was always good on his word. "So how about instead of taking me to detention, you help me haul this book to the band room?" She finally asked with a smug grin.

"Janna you can't just call in a favor every time you get in trouble." Marco puffed out his chest, preparing to give a lecture. "Just because you can get away with breaking the rules, doesn't mean you should. And if you don't take responsibility for your actions, then someday they're just gonna catch up to you, and-"

"So are you just gonna stand there making noise all day or are you gonna help?" Janna interrupted, already starting to pull the book.

" _I wasn't - !_ " Marco groaned. "I'm the hall monitor! It's a betrayal of trust! I might get caught, and then _I'll_ get detention!"

Janna stood there, smirking at him. She knew he wouldn't go back on his word. He was too "good" for that.

Marco sighed in defeat. "Fine. Just... go back to class after we're done, okay?"

"No promises." Janna muttered as they took up the book together.

"Anyway, the band room might be locked, so-" Marco paused. "Wait what?"

"What? I didn't say anything." Janna said sheepishly.

"No, you definitely said something."

"So the band room might be locked?" Janna changed the subject quickly. "Why's that, I was just in there a couple days ago."

"Well, maybe if you'd shown up to the assembly last week you would know." Marco told her matter-of-factly. "They're renovating the old band room for next year. They don't want anybody messing with the new equipment."

"Aaand, being the hall monitor, you have the key, right?" She asked while putting her arm around his shoulder, tapping the set of keys around his neck. "And having the key, you'll help me get in, right?"

"Nope. Nuh-uh." Marco immediately declined, gently pushing her off him. "No way, that would be a severe misuse of my privileges, and I'm not gonna soil my good reputation by breaking you into that room."

"But Marco, you _owe_ me, remember?" She tried.

"Janna, it's bad enough that I'm letting you get away with this and _not_ taking you to detention." Marco said sternly. "It's even worse that I'm helping you drag this… thing… to the band room. I'm _already_ risking my sash, _and_ this book stinks! There is no way you're gonna guilt me into helping you out any further than that."

"Well, I guess there's no fooling you Marco, you're just too smart for me." She told him, subtly putting away the key she pilfered from around his neck. "I guess I'll just have to wait until it's open."

Walking over to the band room door, Janna inserted the key and twisted. The door opened with a click and a grumble of unoiled hinges. "Oh, look, it's open," she deadpanned.

"What the - how did you -" Marco did a quick pat-down of himself and found that the key ring was now short a key. "Janna!" He said crossly. "Don't do that!"

"Whatever, _safe kid._ " Janna pushed the key back into him and once again invaded his personal space. "You didn't help me, I did it myself. Now help me get it in there."

"I feel so… violated." Marco shivered. Still mumbling, he stepped to the other side of the book and helped Janna push it, end over end, into the band room. The door swung shut behind them.

* * *

Clicking on the lights, they saw that the band room itself was partially destroyed - most of the carpet had been stripped, the roof was missing its foam tiles, and the few remaining music supplies were all pushed into the corner. Chairs, stands and random lockers were strewn about in a mess of epic proportions.

"Finally, all alone with you…" Janna said, mischievously. Marco stared out the door's narrow window to the hall before he processed what she meant.

"What?" He turned towards the goth girl.

"Was talking to the book." She explained as she began flipping through the pages. "Watch the door and be quiet, wouldya?"

Marco, for his part, was beginning to break down. The sash on his chest was a lie and caught his eye every time he looked down.

"I'm a disgrace," he moaned. "I've betrayed the trust bestowed upon the hall monitor! This sash shouldn't belong to me…"

Janna spared him a glance, unimpressed. "So? Why do you want to be hall monitor, anyways?"

"You mean you _want_ to sit in Skullnick's class all day?" Marco asked her.

This froze the girl for a moment, the response so stereotypically _not_ Marco that it came as a bit of a shock. And then she was over it. "Whatever. Still just a stupid sash."

"Janna…" Marco sighed, exasperated, as he walked over to the book.

"Ooh, this looks interesting." Janna pointed out a part of the page. " _Spew forth the undead, shroud the world in eternal darkness…"_ she chuckled. "Cool."

"You can read that?" Marco asked, peering over her shoulder. "It looks like gibberish to me."

Janna shrugged. "Get your eyes checked, dude, it's pretty plain."

"Let's see… says here there's just some hand symbols…" she performed the signs quickly to practice.

"The pain of a mortal being…" standing up, she looked Marco in the eye before kicking him in the shin.

Over his howls of pain as he hopped around the room, she finished the spell. "And an incantation… _Corpus levitas, diablo dominium, mondo vicium!"_

The words echoed around the room, unnaturally rebounding off the walls at a volume much higher than what Janna had expected to hear. Even Marco stopped hopping to take a listen.

Nothing happened.

"Well that remodel sure is helping the acoustics…" Janna quipped. "Still, that's a bummer. Was hoping this would work."

Marco walked over, unimpressed. "You were hoping to _raise the_ -"

Outside, a scream resounded in the halls, silencing them both as Marco scurried to the door. "Someone's in danger out there," he said. "And if they get hurt on my watch it's _your fault,_ Janna!" He pointed a finger accusingly. "I'm going out there to -"

There was another scream, and then a third, and a series of low groans. "What the….." pressing his face against the glass, the question was soon answered. With a loud series of moans, a clump of zombies had soon pressed up against the door, which creaked in frustration. Adorned by glowing yellow eyes and rotted green flesh, some of them were missing skin, teeth, or even pieces of skull, the pink flesh of their decaying grey matter poking out from beneath disheveled, once-fashionable hairstyles.

"Zah - zom- zomb -" Marco stammered, backing up in shock. Janna's eyes were wide, an excited expression creeping across her face as she realized what she'd done.

"This is so _cool._ " Janna murmured in disbelief as she approached the door.

"ZOMBIES!" Marco screeched. In a flurry of limbs, he was throwing things against the door in an effort to barricade it. Janna was still standing in front of it like in a scene out of a horror movie, eyes transfixed.

With a crack, the door finally gave into the strain, the weight of over a dozen undead trying to find their way in more than enough to bend it out of shape. Marco's barricade was barely high enough to trip the first few as it was pushed out of the way. With a clatter, the first zombie fell into the room, only a few inches from Janna's exposed legs.

"HYYYYYEAH!" With a low kick from Marco, the zombie's freshly-decapitated head went flying across the room like a soccer ball. Quick to scare, he was just as quick to jump into his training.

Janna blinked out of her daze. "Woah."

Marco was doing his best to defend the newly-discovered sorceress, but even a green belt in karate wasn't much of a match for a horde of the undead.

"Janna!" He called. "We have to go!"

"Right!" running over to the book, she managed to flip it closed before Marco cried out.

"Leave it!" He snatched her arm and pulled her to the opposite exit.

"What if there's a counterspell?!" Janna protested.

"We'll come back for it!"

"How?!"

"Later!"

* * *

Out the door and through the school, the pair ran past their now-zombified classmates. There was no telling if the zombies had already reached the rest of the school - heck, maybe they'd infested all of Echo Creek. Janna's mouth was continually agape as they sprinted, looking at what her spell had caused. There was a tearing noise as one of Marco's sleeves caught on a broken window, more zombified classmates falling out behind him as he tore himself free.

Finally, a well-placed karate chop from the boy freed a path to an unattended ladder, and they scurried onto the roof of the school for a breath.

"Really Janna?" Marco managed between gasps. "You _raised_ the _dead?!"_

"It's okay, I can fix it!" Janna exclaimed. Maybe it was the excitement of what they'd been doing, but she was barely winded. "If I can get back to the book I'm sure I can find a counterspell, and-"

"No." Marco stopped her. "First, we should go find any survivors that might be left. I'm not letting anyone else get hurt on my watch."

"Marco, you're a hall monitor, not a sheriff." Janna reasoned. "Anyway, you're hurt, we gotta get you fixed up first."

With a wince and hiss from Marco, she grabbed his arm and inspected the wound. It was a long cut starting from his shoulder down to the middle of his upper arm. A thin slice through his hoodie and shirt, like he'd grazed some broken glass.

"I'm _fine_ ," Marco snapped, jerking his arm away. "It's not that deep."

Withdrawing distinctive red box from the pocket of his hoodie, he opened it to reveal first aid supplies. "Hall monitor." He explained to Janna's surprised look. "Always prepared."

"And here I thought you just carried that stuff with you all the time," Janna joked.

With another hiss, Marco splashed disinfectant on the wound before beginning to wrap his bandage around it, sweater and all. He shot her a glare.

"Sorry…" she muttered. Not for raising the dead, but the burn was a little unnecessary. _It was a good burn though_ , she smirked to herself. Marco wasn't a fan of his "safe-kid" reputation.

Marco started back towards the ladder, stopping only when he saw the mass that had assembled below them. Some of the zombies were old and decayed - rotting skin, bony fingers and patches of hair covering their heads. Others, though, were the students and staff. Seemingly unchanged except for green skin, glowing eyes, some fresh bite marks and a new predilection towards brains, they were as mindless as their rotting counterparts.

Marco sighed. The ladder was laying on its side, at the feet of the crowd. There probably wasn't much hope for survivors. As much as he hated to admit it, Janna's plan might've been the better one. "Well, I'm open to ideas."

"Hmm…" Janna wandered off, towards the back of the school, Marco in tow. "This is where I found the book," she mused, bringing them above the alley where the incident had begun. "Maybe there's another clue there."

"I guess it's better than nothing." Marco shrugged. The alleyway was, thankfully, still zombie-free. So after casting another careful glance around, he lowered himself down.

With a brief cry, Marco lost his grip and hit the top of the dumpster with a thud. Janna fell after him, landing on top of him and knocking the air out of his lungs with a sharp gasp. Stepping down into the alley, she paused when she heard voices.

"What was that?" A girl whispered.

"I donno, I hope it's not a zombie!" A second replied.

"Ferguson, go check, please!" The first pleaded.

"Nuh - uh, these folds are a three-course dinner for those guys! I'm stayin' right here. Maybe it'll pass us by." A third voice, this one a boy's, replied at room-volume.

With another sharp gasp, Marco refilled his lungs and fell off the dumpster with a thump. "Ferguson?" He asked, breathless.

"Marco?!" Ferguson flipped the top of the dumpster open and scrambled out, his significant mass acting as a bit of a deterrent to his efforts. Short and pudgy weren't exactly the best qualities to have when it came to zombie survival. Behind him were two very shell-shocked cheerleaders.

"Ferguson!" Marco cried, happy that his friend hadn't been zombified. Going in for a hug, he stopped short and held his nose. "You're alive! And…. agh, you stink!"

Ferguson held up an arm and sniffed. "Yeah. Ew. Good to see you too, Marco. Want to hide in the dumpster with us?"

Janna, pinching her own nose as well, lifted the second lid and poked her head inside. "Looking for clues." She explained. "I found a magic book here this morning. Kinda how this all started. Have you seen anything… magic in here?"

"Besides my personality?" Ferguson popped an eyebrow.

"You smell like garbage," Marco returned.

"Looks like we're gonna have to go back for it, Janna." He continued, turning to her.

"Yeah, okay." Janna sighed, withdrawing from the dumpster. "But the band room will be swarming with zombies! Heh… that's so cool." She muttered.

"So… me and Ferg will act as decoys. You sneak in, grab the book, find a counterspell _before_ we get eaten, and we all go home happy!"

"Woah, no no no." Ferguson made an X with his arms. "I appreciate it, but, uh… if I leave, who will be here to protect these girls?" He gestured towards the dumpster.

"C'mon Ferguson, don't you want to play the hero? I bet those girls will be _soo_ impressed." Janna said. She made an attempt to slide towards him, but stopped at the stench. Once again holding her nose, she asked - "right, girls?"

"Go get 'em, Ferguson!" The first one cried.

"Yeah, we'll be fine!" The other added.

Ferguson sighed. Back down and look like a coward in front of the ladies, or run towards near-certain death? "Fine," he brushed past Marco and looked back. "But for the record?" He whispered. "Not cool, dude."

Marco shrugged sympathetically. "Sorry Ferg. Next time you can stay in the dumpster."

Walking back towards the band room, the dumpster lid slammed shut behind the trio. It wasn't long before they could once again hear the moans of the undead. The rest of Echo Creek was an eerie quiet. There was no traffic in the distance, or even sirens.

"I wonder how far this is spreading…?" Marco asked quietly.

"There's the band room," Janna pointed out. The trio crouched down behind a bench, carefully eying their now zombified classmates as they shambled around the school.

"Ok, like we planned." Marco whispered. "Me and Ferg will create a distraction. Janna, you get to the band room and find that counterspell."

"Got it." Janna nodded. To her left, Ferguson looked more than a little nervous.

"Uhm, guys? I really don't know about this…" he muttered.

Marco peeked over the bench again. "Alright, I think we can make it down the hall. Go!"

Grabbing his friend's shoulder, Marco and Ferguson made a beeline for the other end of the hall while Janna watched. "Hey zombies!" Marco shouted. "You hungry? How about you come over here and have a taste!" Vaulting off of a planter, he planted a high-jump kick into the skull of one of the undead. "Hyyeah!"

As the two boys made their way down the hall, the zombies immediately began to follow. Streaming out of classrooms and side hallways, there had to be dozens, if not hundreds. Behind the horde, though, Janna slowly began her creep towards the band room.

"Yah!" Marco chopped down another zombie, sending it careening into a pile of its friends. Luckily, the actual undead were outnumbering Marco's classmates by a significant amount. He would've hated to have had to use force to stop too many of his friends.

"I can't do this!" Ferguson cried out from where he'd been cowering behind Marco. "I'm too young to die! I don't want to be eaten!"

Breaking into a sprint, he made it almost ten feet from Marco before he was overcome. "No, don't touch! Ow! Br.. Braa.. Braaaains…."

Just like that, his skin was green and his eyes were glowing. "Ferguson!" Marco shouted in panic. In front of him, the horde was mounting, and he planted a roundhouse kick into another zombie. "Back off!"

Now in the deserted band room, Janna was frantically flipping through the spellbook, looking for a counterspell. "Cure, cure, cure!" She muttered to herself.

Outside, Marco gave a scream.

Another minute and the zombies were starting to come back, quickly piling up against the crude barricade she'd constructed over the broken doorway.

"Where's the friggin counterspell?!" Janna panicked. Desperately tearing through the pages, Marco and Ferguson were at the door now as well, slamming into the barricade as it gave way. They spilled into the room.

Sitting back in hopeless defeat, Janna could only stare. The zombies were definitely not as cool from this perspective. She didn't cry or scream, her mind instead filled with the cold knowledge that there was nothing more she could do. "I'm sorry…" she whispered.

As if that were the password, the book took on a mind of its own. Spinning into the air, there was a blast of light that knocked the undead back into a circle around Janna. Setting itself down in front of her, the cover opened, revealing pages that Janna hadn't seen.

"Counterspell!" Her eyes wide, Janna frantically read the incantation. The circle was just wide enough to buy her the time. A new set of hand symbols, and the pain of a mortal… well, looking around, that was definitely covered, and the incantation: _"_ _Muiciv odnom, muinimod olbaid, sativel suproc!"_

Nothing happened.

The zombies on the edge of the clearing stepped up, slowly encircling Janna as she squeezed her eyes shut, encroaching on the space, hands reaching out to grab her…

Then, a sudden breeze, like a fresh spring day had somehow gotten lost among all the rotting flesh. Janna felt the hair on her head sweep out of her eyes, and a sweet, flowery smell touched her nose. The world gave a great sigh, like it had been relieved of a heavy burden.

Then a hand touched her arm.

"Get AWAY!" It was the first time Janna had been genuinely afraid in a long time. Pushing the hand off and nearly falling over, she was stopped by another two on her shoulders. "NO!"

"Janna!" A familiar voice accompanied the hands shaking her shoulders, rolling her head like an awkward doll's.

"Marco…?" Janna opened her eyes. The band room was crowded full of her fellow students, obviously confused, the original zombies having fallen to ash at their feet. She turned around to see Marco, a small smile on his face, looking at her in concern.

"You did it." He said.

She collapsed into his arms and allowed herself a sob. Just the one. Then she pushed back. _Keep your cool_ , she told herself. _Don't let everyone see you like this._

Marco still had a light smile on his face. Janna couldn't help but be relieved. She sniffled and checked her eyes for tears, but made sure her voice was back to its normal tone before replying. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Same." Marco nodded. "So, want to burn that?" He gestured towards the book.

Janna barely suppressed a snort. " _Burn it?"_ She asked amusedly. "Yeah right, I'm taking this bad boy home with me. And I think I know _exactly_ what I want to do with it."

Marco opened his mouth, likely to give a lecture on the dozens of reasons why that was a bad idea, but was stopped. All 400 pounds of their enormous teacher, Miss Skullnick, stepped to the front of the crowd. "Would one of you care to tell me," she began, "WHAT IN THE NAME OF MILLARD FILMORE JUST HAPPENED?"

Hoping for any way out, Marco looked toward Janna. Only she wasn't there. _'Fantastic.'_ He thought. _'She ditched me.'_

* * *

 **Your reviews, follows and faves help us keep writing more than you'd ever suspect. Getting a notification that someone enjoyed our story enough to follow us means the world, and I get emails sometimes weeks or even a month or more after uploading. That feels good. We appreciate it. We want to hear your thoughts. Thanks.**

 **Next time on Janna Vs The Forces Of Evil: After getting frustrated with her homework, Janna decides to crack the spellbook open again, summoning a knowledge demon that infects… the entire internet? Tune in next week for the next episode: Night of the Living Homework!**

 **(Chapter revised - 12/18/17)**


	2. Chapter 2: Night of the Living Homework!

**Our chapters were initally written to be in pairs - with each individual episode being about 18-20 minutes. We killed that structure quick. Still, worth noting that we once thought it was a good idea.**

 **THIS EPISODE: Frustrated with her homework, Janna decides to do what any rational teenager would: summon an omniscient demon monster to give her the knowledge to finish it! Consequences? What are those?**

* * *

It was a relatively quiet evening in the suburbs of Echo Creek. There were none of the intruding noises of the afternoon, such as lawn mowers, or excited children, and you would never know from looking at the traffic that the city had nearly been overrun by zombies only a few hours prior

The evening was perfect for listening to the calming sounds of wind rustling the trees, the occasional car passing by, or the usual rhythmic grunting of a teenage girl dragging a man-sized book along the sidewalk.

"Really Marco?" Janna grumbled to herself as she worked. "You couldn't help a girl carry something heavy back home?" Seriously, all she did was sneak away from Skullnick. There was no sense in them both getting in trouble, so why was he so mad about it?

Finally arriving in front of the Russo residence, Janna dropped the book and gave a sigh of relief. "How long was that? Two, three hours?" She checked her phone for the time. 6:30 PM. Late in the summer as it was, the sun would be setting soon. Giving another sigh, she hoisted the book up and started dragging it through her front yard, wading through the knee-high, yellowing grass.

Janna's house had definitely seen better days. The faded blue paint was chipping, the roof was growing thick moss, and one of the front windows was boarded up. The entire house was leaning to the side, the grass was patchy, dry, and thick with weeds, and the one oak tree out front was termite-ridden and sickly.

"Mom, I'm home!" Janna called, fitting the book through the door.

"Janna?" Her mom called back from her room. "Is that you?"

"Yeah, I'll be in my room if you need me!"

Taking up the book again, Janna made a careful note of where the mess was that she needed to avoid. The front room of the house was overflowing with superstitious mumbo-jumbo. Dream charms, warding pendants, tiki idols, and other, stranger statues, the walls and floor were stacked with random souvenirs of her mom's trips and family stories of long-past.

And of course, that wasn't all. Amidst the raggedy, haphazard furniture layout, there was also dirty laundry, old takeout boxes, and plastic food wrappers - the combined mess of a family of three girls, none of which had the inclination to pick up after themselves.

Pushing the book end-over-end down the hallway to her room, Janna was stopped by a smaller figure suddenly dashing out a side door and running into it. The impact made a dull "thump," the book's weight far too significant to even notice such a small object as a 6th-grade girl colliding into it at full speed.

"Wooooooah," came her sister's voice. 11 years old, sporting most of her adult-teeth, and for all intents and purposes a scaled-down model of Janna, Joleen Russo was just as much of a troublemaker. Janna could see her feet lying just outside the doorframe she'd just fallen back into. "What is _that?"_

"Nothing," Janna briskly replied. Showing the book to Marco had been a necessary evil at the time. There was, however, a short list of people that she _didn't_ want to share her new magic with. Generally speaking, it looked something like:

Her sister.

Everyone else.

Her sister.

"Nothing, huh?" Picking herself up, Joleen squeezed between the wall and the book. Popping out next to her older sister, Joleen managed to stare her in the eyes even though she was over a foot shorter. Unlike Janna, she had her hair done up in a single ponytail down her back, and preferred a tan beanie to Janna's olive green.

Throwing herself onto the floor, she started screaming and holding her knee. "MOOOOOM! Janna ran me over with a giant book!" She sobbed.

"A giant _what?"_ Their mom shouted from across the house.

Rolling her eyes with a grunt of annoyance, Janna conceded. "Okay, okay _fine!"_ There weren't many things that could pry the attention of their mom away from a television or the endless exhaustion that accompanied full-time retail work, but Joleen's pain (fake or not) definitely made the list.

Hopping back up, Joleen grinned evilly. "Nevermind mom, I'm fine!" She called. Lowering her voice, she added to Janna - "shall we discuss this in your room?"

Janna finished pushing the book down the hall, now thoroughly sick of lugging it around. "You could _help_ a girl, y'know!" She growled at her sister.

"Nah," Joleen replied innocently. "After that fake injury just a few seconds ago, I don't think I should exert myself. _Now spill."_

After being fit through the doorway, the book fell to the floor, smashing a long-forgotten pile of trash with a loud crunch. Janna's room was barely large enough to accommodate it, her single-mattress bed a mess in one corner with a desk pushed against the opposite wall. The floor was carpeted by a mixture of dirty clothes and secondhand 'magical' ingredients.

"Fine," Janna said, finally, as her sister hovered over her shoulder. "It's a magic book."

Joleen snorted. "Another one? What was wrong with the other seven, too small?" Gesturing to the desk, she pointed out a stack of literature sitting next to an overflowing wastebasket.

Pulling the cover open with a grunt, Janna gestured to the pages. "But this one is real!" She exclaimed.

Joleen leaned in, scrutinizing the pages in front of her. "Nope," she said decisively. "Looks like gibberish to me."

"No, you little - just, wait -" flipping through the pages, Janna stopped and immediately reached for a crumpled paper from beside her desk. Holding it in front of them, she unfolded it and scribbled a few runes. She then pulled out a strand of her hair and recited the spell: " _animus mortalius!"_ Just like when she'd been in the band room, her voice echoed.

Nothing happened.

"Your room has really good acoustics," Joleen noted. Glancing at the still remarkably inanimate piece of paper in front of them, she added, "but I'm not impressed. Sorry sis. Maybe next time."

Stepping out of the room, Janna stopped herself from calling her back. She hadn't wanted to share the book with anyone anyways, so what harm was it to her if her sister didn't believe in it? If anything, that was better for her!

In front of her, the paper folded itself into a crane and began to flap around her room.

* * *

It was almost an hour before Janna thought of anything but her spellbook, but a knocking on her door brought her back to her senses.

Her first instinct: panic. An entire flock of paper birds, airplanes and other flying contraptions was fluttering around on her ceiling. Most of her laundry had been transfigured into variously-sized plants (in an effort to magically clean it gone wrong). There was no way she'd be able to hide it all.

"Janna?" her mother's concerned voice floated through the door. "You were home late - you okay?"

"Uh, yeah I'm fine…!" Janna called back, snatching paper planes out of the air. Every time she crumpled one up, it uncrumpled itself and flew back up to the ceiling. Her door creaked as her mom made to come in "dontcomeinimchanging!" Janna quickly said.

The door quickly snapped shut again. "Okay, well I'm gonna go get us something to eat. Do your homework while I'm gone, okay?"

As her mother retreated back down the hall, Janna breathed a sigh of relief, and then grimaced as she looked over at her discarded backpack. Skullnick would have her head if she missed her geometry homework again, and she did *not* need another parent-teacher conference to try and weasel out of.

So, with a resigned sigh, she trudged over to her backpack, set it on her desk (now a handsome, mahogany-carved wood model) and set out her books.

Geometry, with its strange symbols, terms and logic, may as well have been a foreign language to the girl. Unhelped by her stubborn insistence on paying attention to anything _but_ the teacher while in class, it wasn't long at all before Janna found herself pounding her head against her desk in frustration.

"Good thing you have that magic book," Joleen said from the hall. The sounds of Janna's frustration were not unfamiliar to the Russo household. "You can just use your magic to do the homework. Oh wait, it's a sham!"

Giggling evilly, she retreated away from the closed door.

Her head popping up, Janna looked at the book in the center of her floor eagerly. Maybe she _could_ use magic to solve this problem!

Scrambling down to her book, she began flipping through pages to try and find some way to blow through all the work. "Knowledge spell…" she muttered.

As if by command, the book fluttered to a new page, where a drawing of a demon followed a spell description that looked as though it'd been written by a typewriter.

" _This spell summons a demon of knowledge, bound to your will but eager to consume any thought you leave unchecked,_ " Janna read. "Huh, cool. _But be warned, knowledge requires sacrifice_ bla bla bla, let's do it."

Checking the list of supplies needed for the summoning, Janna was happy to find that she had everything on hand. Well, more-or-less.

 _A pentagram drawn from the sand of an ashen library…_ well, some dirt from the backyard would work.

 _Goats-wax candles…_ quickly darting out of her room, Janna fetched a few dollar-store candles from a hall closet. Regifted at least a dozen times at family meetings, it seemed that these "Christmas Cinnamon" hunks of plastic would finally serve a purpose.

"And the blood of a scholar slain in battle…" Janna muttered. She had no idea where she'd find a substitute for that. She wasn't exactly in the mood to cut herself open, and her tiger blood wasn't arriving any time soon.

"Janna, Joleen, dinner's here!" With a crash of the door, Janna's mom had returned home. "Burger Queen, your favorite!"

Struck by inspiration, Janna ran out of her room to greet her mother.

Hair stuck out haphazardly, bags under her eyes and sporting a faded, stained work uniform for Shop Mart, her mom nonetheless smiled when she saw her older child. "Janna," she said. "Good to see you. How was school?"

"Great," Janna said absently, "can I borrow some ketchup?"

"Sure, but only if you give it back," her mom joked, and gave a tired chuckle when Janna rolled her eyes. "I think there's some left in the fridge." She said.

"Thanks, I'll be right back!" Janna rushed back to her room with her prize, and tossed the bottle onto her bed.

"Uh, Janna?" Ms. Russo called, shaking the bag. "You forgot your food!"

"Oh whoops, be over in a minute!" Janna called back.

"I'll leave it on table for you, I'll be in my room!"

Janna didn't hear her, as she was too busy gathering the rest of the materials needed to perform her spell. Peeking out of her room, she saw that her mom's door was closed. She crept out to the living room, passing by her sister who was busy eating her food and watching a cartoon, and into the backyard.

"Alright, sand of an ashen library…" Janna told herself out loud. Looking through her yard, she searched for the driest patch of dirt she could find. Deciding it didn't matter, she quickly scooped up a small handful and returned to her room.

After a few minutes of digging around in the garbage scow that made up the space under her bed, she returned with last year's history book. Tearing out a couple pages and ripping them up, she used a spare box of matches to light the shredded paper on fire on top of her newly remodeled desk, which smoked and smoldered in protest.

"Oh get used to it," Janna told it as the paper was incinerated.

Once the pages were all nice and burnt, she mixed the ashes with the 'sand' from her backyard. Now all she needed to do was make a pentagram with this stuff and-

"Hey Janna, you left your food on the table."

Nearly jumping through the roof, Janna couldn't help but at least let out a small 'eep!' Turning around, she saw Joleen leaning over her shoulder.

"So whatcha got going on over here?" The younger sister asked with a smirk. "Trying to summon a leprechaun or something?"

"No, I'm not… I mean…" Janna paused, trying to find the right words. "Gah! Just get out!" She attempted to shove her younger sister out of the room.

"You know, I'm pretty sure Mom told you to stop burning stuff the other day." Joleen said once she was in the hallway. "And it smells a bit smokey in here…"

"Ugh, what do you want?" Janna groaned in defeat.

"Oh nothing, I just want to make sure you don't get in trouble is all."

"Just go." Janna growled at her sister, who sent her a smug look before strutting back to the living room.

Once she was out of sight, Joleen whipped out a notebook not too different from Janna's (marked "leverage"), flipped to a page somewhere in the middle, and scribbled down a note.

Drawing up a pentagram on the floor of her room, Janna propped the book up against the wall and set out the candles. Another match, and they quickly engulfed the room with the plasticy scent of christmas spirit.

"Ishkilthul, Demon of Knowledge!" Janna's voice echoed once again as she chanted from the book. She held the ketchup bottle in her hands, over the center of the pentagram. "Accept my offering, and serve my will!" Turning the ketchup bottle upside down, she squirted some into the center of the drawing with a _pttttthpthp!_

Tossing the now-empty bottle aside, she stood over the pool, arms outstretched. The pentagram seemed to be containing the fluid in the center of itself. "Ishkilthul-alhammet, Ishkilthul-allhamet, Ishkilthul-alhammet!" Her voice distorted in her own ears as the ketchup at her feet began to bubble. Small rivulets began to form on the surface, dripping upwards towards the ceiling. The candle flames grew in size, cannibalizing their own waxy bodies.

"Rise!" Janna cried.

With a mighty sucking of wind, Janna stumbled backwards as a portal opened in the center of the ketchup pool. The candles flickered and died, as a massive, hulking form pulled itself out of the pentagram. " **GRAAAAAAH**!" It roared.

Black skin, red, flaming eyes, a pair of twirling horns, rune-scarred skin and a pair of… reading glasses? The demon took up any spare space in Janna's room, before shrinking down and consolidating into a figure about the size of a tall man.

" **GRAAAH**!" It roared again, and then coughed. Hacking up lungfuls of air, it punched itself in the chest as if trying to clear itself of the disturbance.

" **HUMAN**!" It roared between gasps. Janna took a perturbed step back.

From the other room, her sister yelled. "Jannaaaa! Turn down your computer!"

Lowering its voice and looking at Janna, Ishkilthul, Demon of Knowledge was clearly as annoyed as he ever had been. " **Where in the name of the nine devils did you get your** _ **summoning instructions from?**_ " It chastised. " **The back of a cereal box? They** _ **clearly**_ **call for goats wax candles, and these are…** " Picking up one of the plastic, melted stubs, it took an inhale. " **Cinnamon Spice? And** _ **what**_ **was that foul substance you used? I can glean knowledge from almost** _ **any**_ **fluid, but that only gave me the desire to bathe in a tub of grease!** "

Janna stepped forward and crossed her arms, unimpressed. "Well I'm _sorry_ , mr. Picky," she retorted. "Not like I have an unlimited supply of blood just laying around the house. Not like I can go get that at Shop Mart!"

The demon grumbled and rolled his eyes. " **Ugh, nevermind. Just… what do you want?** "

Janna pointed at her desk. "I, uh… I need to finish my Geometry homework."

The demon raised an eyebrow. " **Seriously? That's all. The knowledge to destroy the universe, and you want to finish your** _ **math homework**_ **.** "

Janna nodded. "Look dude, can you do it or not? I've got other things to do."

Ishkilthul pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a rumbling sigh. " **Two eons of endless traveling for this… no respect for the ancient arts.** " Looking back up, Janna met his fiery gaze. " **Very well, child. And the knowledge you will exchange in return?** "

"Uhm…" Janna hadn't really thought of this part. The only really unique thing she owned in the house was the spellbook. Walking over to her computer, she decided to ad-lib. "How about the internet?" She asked. "All the knowledge of humanity, at your fingertips. What do you want to know?"

Fingers tapping away, she brought up Kiwipedia and hit random. A page on a railway station in Southern Africa appeared on the screen.

The demon stood behind her, intrigued. " **Really? All the knowledge of humanity to offer?** "

"Uh, sure." Janna replied. "So is it a deal, or…?"

The demon touched the screen for a moment and licked his lips. " **And you're sure all you want is the knowledge to solve these equations?** " He restated.

"Yes, and can we move it along?" Janna asked. "Like I said, other stuff to do."

" **Very well,** " the demon rumbled. " **The deal is done.** " Clicking his fingers, a fiery contract appeared in front of him, which signed itself and then disappeared in a bout of flame. Janna suddenly found herself with all the knowledge she could ever want regarding isosceles triangles.

"Cool," Janna said. Picking up a pen, she immediately set on her homework. Giving a rumbling laugh, Ishkilthul dove into her computer and disappeared into the screen. The laugh lingered long after his passage. Giving it a moment of thought, Janna shrugged and continued writing.

* * *

Less than five minutes later, Janna had finished her homework and was eating a hamburger while watching TV with her sister. "Hey," Joleen asked, playing with her phone. "Did you really use _all_ the ketchup?"

Janna opened her mouth to respond when something peculiar happened. Not taking her eyes off the screen, Joleen's phone slowly went black. An inky swirl appeared on the screen, growing and spreading until the whole phone was as dark as Ishkilthul's skin, etched with the same markings.

Joleen barely had time to wonder before the contamination spread to her. "What the…" she asked herself before the darkness quickly swept up her arm and over her head, and then retreated back into the phone.

Joleen sat on the couch, limp, mouth slightly agape, her mind now shackled for a demon's feeding.

"Uh oh…" Janna muttered.

* * *

The sun had finally sunk below the horizon for Echo Creek, with the last bout of rush hour traffic simmering down to a light bubble and pedestrian traffic beginning to slow as well. Dusk was Marco's favorite time of day - no school to worry about, homework finished and a good workout at the dojo fresh in his memory, he was thoroughly enjoying his quiet walk home. His parents had offered to drive him, but he usually liked to stretch out and cool down after a harder session like today.

"I wonder if I'm almost ready for my red belt," Marco thought out loud as he passed a couple sleeping men on a bench. "Can't lose a fight to the next horde of zombies Janna summons… maybe Sensei will personally train me?"

His thoughts came to a grinding halt as he heard a high-pitched screech.

"What the-" he barely managed before he had to dive out of the way of a speeding car, which crashed into a telephone pole a moment later. After staring for a few seconds, Marco snapped out of his trance and ran to the driver's side door.

"Hey, are you okay?!" Marco yelled after pulling the door open. Receiving no response, he pulled the unconscious woman out of the car and prepared to perform CPR. Under further inspection, though, he realized she wasn't exactly unconscious. Her eyes were half-lidded, and she was mumbling something unintelligible under her breath.

"That can't be good…" Marco said before gently laying her head back onto the ground. He pulled out his phone to call 911, and get this lady some help. When there was no answer he looked at his phone, and found that the screen was black. Trying again, his phone was completely unresponsive. Looking back down at the woman, he noticed the phone in her hand was similarly murky, some sort of dark mist swirling around it.

Marco yelped and threw his phone off into the distance when the darkness began to creep out of the screen and up his arm. He turned his head toward the two sleeping men on the bench, and noticed the same darkness swirling around their heads.

"I knew I shouldn't've let Janna keep that book" Marco moaned as he took the phone from the woman's hand and threw it as well. Hearing another car screech in the distance, he took off towards Janna's house.

* * *

The door to the Russo residence was slightly ajar, and Marco suspected that if it matched the rest of the house, then it was likely it had to be propped closed.

Marco had been to Janna's house only twice before, and both times he'd been overwhelmed by her family's oddities. Janna's sister was a smaller, less tamed version of her older sibling, and her mother was… overworked, to say the least. Still, going there before had given him the address to get there now, and for that he was thankful.

Bursting into the home, he immediately found Joleen unconscious on the couch. Someone had laid her down and put a thin blanket over her, but it was obvious she was out cold. Her phone was on the floor next to her, an inky blackness swirling on the screen.

"Janna!" Marco called. "Janna, what did you _do?"_

"Marco!" Janna's panicked voice caught the latino off guard. He'd never heard her sound so distraught. "I'm back here!" She shouted from the back of the house.

Running into her room, he found her rapidly flipping through the pages of the book. "Marco, I screwed up!" Janna said, worried. "I did this, and now my sister and mom are messed up!"

Marco bit back a retort. He'd never seen Janna this distressed. It usually didn't matter what she was doing, whether she was facing a failed test or a school bully, she'd always been cool about it. Even when she'd raised the dead _earlier that day_ , she'd stayed calm.

"Um…" Marco was uncomfortably aware that this was the second time he'd had to comfort her today. He awkwardly set a hand on her shoulder. "It'll be okay?"

Janna let out a steadying breath and seemed to calm down under his touch. "Right. It'll be okay. We just need to find some way to fix this."

"What did you do?" Marco asked again.

"I may have summoned a knowledge demon," Janna explained. "And gave him access to the internet."

Marco groaned. "I _told_ you that book was bad news!"

"Whatever, just help me find a counterspell!"

Looking over her shoulder, the book was just as much gibberish to Marco as it had been the last time he'd tried to read it. "Ummm…"

"Counterspell, counterspell…" Janna murmured. Through the windows, more tires were squealing and sirens were going off in the city.

Just as it had before, the book flipped to a page on its own. Janna blinked in surprise. "Maybe I should try asking first next time?"

Quickly leaning in to read the miniscule text, it had been printed a small sheet in the same typewriter font as the original page. " _The demon is bound to your mind, and you are it's master. Recite its name backwards to summon it."_

She paused. "Okay, Ishkilthul… that's… um…" She quickly scribbled down the name backwards. "Looh-tlick-shi?"

There was a sudden rush of wind, and then the world folded in on itself. Marco stumbled back with a cry. Suddenly, there was a demon standing next to him.

Except, the demon didn't look like he had when Janna summoned him. He was still wearing glasses, but they were thicker with wider rims. He was covered by baggy t-shirt that said "Keep Calm and Learn On" on the front. On top of his horns and a spattering of curly hair was a jet-black trilby hat. He even had cargo shorts socks with rubber crocs to complete the ridiculous image.

" **OK, Janna,** " said Iskilthul in a patronizing tone. " **I don't want to sound mean, but I was kinda in the middle of something. Can I help you so I can get back to it?** "

Before Janna could reply, Marco screamed "DEMON!" and flung himself at it as if to strike a jump kick.

" **Woah!** " The demon raised a hand and stopped Marco cold in the air. " **First, I may be a demon on the outside, but I'll have you know I identify as a species-neutral albino Pices. Please respect that. Second, I find your stereotype thoroughly offensive. I mean, I don't see you and immediately think "oh, a latino, I need to build a wa-** "

Janna took this opportunity to break into the conversation. "Look, Ishkilthul, I said you could have the internet. I didn't say anything about my family."

"Or anyone else!" Marco quickly interjected.

" **Oh, that?** " Ishkilthul shrugged and set Marco back down. " **Can't be helped. I mean, you stick your head next to a hornet's nest and you're going to get stung, right?** " He looked between the two as if to see if his appeal was working. Neither was impressed.

"Look dude, I don't _care_ that you have the internet, and I don't _care_ what Janna summoned you for!" Marco said angrily.

" **Geometry homework.** " Ishkilthul interjected.

"What?"

" **She summoned me for geometry homework.** " Ishkilthul explained.

"WHAT?" Marco shouted. He looked at Janna, mouth agape. "All - this is - you -" he sputtered.

"Why would you _tell him that?"_ Janna exclaimed angrily.

" **Because, Janna. Honesty is the most important foundation to any relationship!** " The demon patronized. He wagged a finger. " **You should really be more considerate towards your future -** "

"OKAY!" Marco cut him off. "I've had just about enough of this! Put me down, please."

Ishkilthul set him on the ground, and Marco took a deep breath and dusted himself off. "Janna, would you please ask, um… Ishkilthul, here, how we can make him go away?"

Janna shrugged. "You heard the boy."

" **Well, I suppose I am bound to tell you,** " Ishkilthul sighed. " **Such a shame. I haven't eaten like this since the Library of Alexandria. Well, we'd have to sign a new contract that invalidates the old one. Sign being a loose term. I don't have a choice, I'm already here.** _ **But**_ **, you'd have to offer me something that I don't already know, and seeing as I just devoured all the knowledge of humanity, that might be…** "

Marco held up a piece of paper he'd withdrawn from his hoodie. "I've got something," he cut in.

The demon loomed over him, intrigued. " **Really? You had something that couldn't be found on the entire internet, in your pocket?** "

Marco nodded. He held the paper up and Ishkilthul's eyes followed it. "You want it?"

The demon followed the movement of the paper with his whole head, mesmerized. " **I'm already so full, but what a tantalizing little morsel…** " he murmured. Straightening up, he nodded. " **Very well.** _ **If**_ **that knowledge is something I have not yet acquired, and** _ **if**_ **I may keep your internet for myself, then I agree to leave this place.** " Just as before, a new contract appeared in a bout of fire and signed itself before disappearing.

Marco handed over the note and the demon opened it. His eyes went wide. " **This is… this…** " he muttered. A portal opened at his feet. " **You were a fool to relinquish this, Marco Diaz! A fooooool!** " he disappeared into the tunnel, which closed at his feet and left the two teens standing in front of a spellbook.

There was only quiet for a minute, as both of them processed what exactly had just occurred.

"Thanks, I guess." Janna glanced at Marco before leaning over to close the book. "Uh… so what did you give him?" Janna asked.

"The recipe for my nachos." Marco shrugged. "I've got it memorized." He turned to look at the girl, who did her best to keep from looking sheepish. "Geometry homework?"

Before the two could continue any further, they were interrupted by Joleen's shout from down the hall. " _Mooooooom!_ Janna summoned a magic demon that almost destroyed the woooorld!"

Janna's sheepish expression quickly morphed to a look of disgruntled disgust. "Aand I am grounded."

* * *

 **Fun fact: In school, I failed algebra 1 twice, geometry once, and algebra 2 once. I even enjoy math, but bad teachers are the** _ **worst.**_

 **Next time on Janna Vs The Forces Of Evil: Spellbooks are heavy, and impractical to carry with you. Especially ones that are as tall as you , Janna's got the drop on a certain technologically-enabled target to help her out. Did you know that your average household scanner device can also read spells? And what's this about something living in the book? Tune in next week for the next episode: Digitize Me, Diaz!**

 **(Chapter revised - 12/18/17)**


	3. Chapter 3: Digitize Me, Diaz!

**Only halfway through this chapter did we start to think about the logistics of how a scanner would work. Eh.**

 **THIS WEEK: Tired of lugging a book the size of another person around with her, Janna convinces Marco to scan it for her. But there's a catch: who knew that your average everyday scanner was capable of reading spells?**

* * *

"Based off of what you learned yesterday, I want you all to write a five-page essay describing the inside of a ping-pong ball, and how it affects our daily lives." Miss Skullnick was pacing across the front of the classroom, each step of her fat legs making the front-row desks shake. She glared around, making sure nobody was dozing off. "Your essay will be due tomorrow before class."

The class knew better than to groan or complain. Questioning Skullnick after a date was never a good idea. The routine was always the same: every couple weeks she would meet some guy online, and wouldn't stop talking about him all day. She would be somewhat less scary than normal for a couple days, until she got dumped. After that, she was a ticking timebomb. Apparently her latest crush had even owned a boat, so she would be extra irritable today.

 _'Jeez, this class is taking forever!'_ Janna thought, staring at the blackboard, jaw slack from boredom. _'How long does an hour take?'_ She was restless. She literally had a giant magical book at home with spells that actually _work,_ and she was stuck sitting here in the most boring class in the school. Why didn't she ask Ishkilthul for excuses to get out of class? There was literally _nothing_ more boring than this!

"For the remainder of class, we'll be reading up some more on Mr. Millard Fillmore."

There was a dull 'thud' in the classroom as Janna's forehead struck the table.

 _'I swear, if I had my book on me right now I would turn that lady into a troll…'_ She fantasized. If that stupid thing weren't so heavy, everybody in this school would've been having the time of their lives. Nobody would be bored, even if they _were_ stuck listening to this witch (not the cool kind) of a teacher. Maybe if she could find a spell to make the book more portable, she wouldn't have to get Marco to help lug this thing around.

Janna looked up from her desk to Marco. He was sitting at the front of the class, at rapt attention as usual. How could she get him to keep his mouth shut about all this? She didn't want to waste another 'favor' if she could help it, and making him uncomfortable could only get her so far.

Maybe she could let him try a couple spells? _No,_ she quickly dismissed the idea. _He hates the book. He thinks it's 'dangerous' just because I almost ended the world, twice. He's_ such _a safe kid._

Her thoughts were interrupted as the bell rang, and students immediately began to spill into the hallway.

* * *

"Is it just me, or did Skullnick seem extra mad today?" Jackie was in her usual beach-green and white tee, a skateboard board under her arm as she walked her bestie to the bus. "You think she'd notice if we just copied it?" She added absently.

"Yeah, there's no way I'm writing that. I think I'd rather just start another -" Janna quickly bit her tongue as she stepped over some broken glass. The damage from yesterday's "zombie" incident had been mostly contained, but there was still a few broken windows and fallen doors. Mostly, everyone was just trying to avoid talking about it. The school had quietly put out for a new guidance counselor, since their current one had been pretty much booked solid immediately.

"Ugh, no internet is so trash," Jackie complained, apparently choosing to let the slipup pass. "How is _anyone_ gonna do their homework, now!"

"Yeah, uh, heh…" Janna swallowed nervously. Yesterday had sure been… eventful. Casting her eye around for literally any kind of distraction, her eyes quickly fell on Marco, walking just a few feet ahead of them. _Stiff as a board, of course_ , Janna noted. _Wouldn't want to fall over and risk looking uncouth in front of his crush._ She quickly concocted a plan.

"Hey Marco!" Janna jogged forward and tapped on his shoulder. Marco's head swiveled slowly towards her, expression totally blank.

"Oh hey Janna." He said robotically. "Didn't notice you there." Behind him Jackie cracked half a smile. Marco's feelings towards here weren't exactly a secret to the rest of the school.

"Come walk with us!" Janna pulled his arm so they fell back into step with Jackie, despite Marco looking like he would rather gnaw off his own shoulder than be in the exact situation Janna was forcing him into. He was very careful to face forward, with Janna now being flanked on both sides by her friends.

"Hey, Marco!" Jackie offered.

Marco's face went red, and he let out a small "eep!"

Janna cleared her throat quickly, inspiration striking her. "So, um, you know that _thing_ we found yesterday?" Jackie looked inquisitively at the pair, and Janna gave her an "I'll tell you later" glance. Not if she could help it.

"Um… yep!" Marco peeped.

"Well, I was thinking, I'd really like to be able to carry it with me."

"I - I don't -" Marco stammered.

"So, I was thinking, maybe you could take it home and scan it for me?" Janna asked.

"Um, I don't -" Marco started as they arrived at the bus.

"Cuz if you don't, we're just gonna stand here until you give me a reason." Janna said. Jackie was still looking between the two with a confused look.

"Um… okayfineIgottago!" Marco suddenly blurted out. He jerked his arm from Janna's grasp and immediately sprinted in the opposite direction from his house.

"Marco! Don't you live the other way?!" Jackie shouted after him.

"Nope!" Marco called back from the end of the street before rounding a corner and disappearing.

"What was that all about…?" Jackie turned to ask Janna, but the punkier girl had already gotten onto the bus. She leaned out the window as it departed.

"I'll tell you tomorrow, talk to you later!" She called.

Jackie shrugged and stepped onto her skateboard, looking down the street as the bus rounded the corner after Marco. Her friends were so weird.

* * *

"She actually went there…" Marco grumbled as he began to walk back in the direction of his house, keeping a close eye out for Jackie. He knew Janna was well aware of his crush, so there was no way she didn't do that on purpose.

She could be so infuriating sometimes! It's not like he _hated_ her - heck, some small part of his mind was getting a sick thrill out of all the crazy stunts she'd been pulling. Fortunately, that small part was currently locked in a cell, in the deepest, darkest recesses of his sanity.

On his way back home, he wondered just how he would deal with the book. Of course, he knew it would be safer for everybody if it just disappeared, especially if it was otherwise in the hands of Janna. The responsible thing to do would be to destroy it as soon as he had a minute alone, but as much as his (he hated to admit) "safe-kid" mind wanted him to, he wasn't about to destroy the most prized possession of the closest thing he had to a friend.

' _I guess the best thing I can do for now is make her promise to be careful…'_

* * *

As Janna arrived home and got off the bus, she regretted not bringing Marco along. She had to bring the book all the way over to his place, alone, and she hadn't exactly _enjoyed_ dragging it back to her place yesterday. She could practically hear her muscles screaming at her in protest. At least this time she could use a wheelbarrow, but she was bracing herself for a sore morning tomorrow, regardless.

"Mom, I'm home!" Janna called, opening the door to her house. When there was no answer, she called again. "Mom?"

When there was still no response, she shrugged and figured her mom was working late again. Joleen wouldn't be home either, since she got off school about an hour after Janna did.

Janna darted to her room and took up one side of the unreasonably large book. Ignoring the sudden burst of aches and pains, it was with no small amount of effort that she once again began dragging it outside. Not interested in hurting her tired arms any more than she had to, she barely made it to the back door before fetching her family's old, rusted out wheelbarrow.

"Alright M _ar_ co!" Janna heaved the enormous tome into the trough with a grunt. "That scanner of yours better be one-size-fits-all…"

* * *

Marco was padding around his room impatiently. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to go _get_ the book, or if Jann was bringing it to _him,_ or if they were somehow supposed to meet _halfway…_ and he had no way of calling and asking her, since, thanks to a certain all-knowing knowledge demon possessing it, he no longer had a cell phone!

He missed his apps.

Marco flung himself onto his bed on frustration, and let out a low groan of defeat. He didn't even want to do this to begin with!

"Mijo!" He heard his father call from the lower part of the house. "I can hear you pacing! Are you alright?"

"Fine, dad!" Marco called back. His tone had come out more irritated than he'd intended, but he wasn't in a particularly good mood.

He was considering his shoes, and wondering how long it would take him to walk to Janna's house when something hit his room's window with a thump. As he was on the second story, he was more than a little curious what the noise could've possibly been.

Marco cautiously walked over and opened his window, and he immediately ducked as an object whizzed over his head and smashed a lamp.

"Heads up Diaz!" Somebody called from below.

"Are you serious Janna?" Marco called back, seething. "You know you could've knocked on the door right? Or, I don't know, not try and break my window?!"

"Well I couldn't just waltz through the front door with _this_ ," She responded, gesturing toward the wheelbarrow in front of her. "Your parents might see it! I can't show this around to just anybody!"

"And yet you can drag it across town from school, and bring it here out in the open for everyone to see?" Marco asked, resisting the urge to throw the rock back down at her. "You know my parents, they wouldn't give that thing a second thought!"

"Whatever _safe kid_ , just help me get this thing up there!"

"Fine, I'll go get the ladder..." Marco groaned.

* * *

"So why do you have a book scanner anyway?" Janna asked, still breathing a little heavily. The book was sitting on the floor beside them, having miraculously popped through the window. "It's not like you read much."

"I usually just use it for homework," Marco answered. "If I scan my school books, I can just use my phone and leave them in my locker for the rest of the year. It sure beats carrying them around in my backpack all day."

"Huh…" Janna began. "That's… actually pretty smart. Why didn't I think of that?"

"That is, until I lost my phone due to yesterday's _accident_." He said pointedly, glaring at her. "Thanks to that, now I gotta carry them around till I get a new one."

Quickly changing the subject, Janna turned back toward the scanner.

"So how long do you think this will take?" She asked. "I kinda wanted to go hang out with Jackie today."

"Well with a book this size, it's bound to take quite a while." Marco explained. "Just be back in a few hours, I'm sure I'll be done by then."

"Alright then Diaz, see you later." Janna told him as she began to exit the room.

"Janna, wait." Marco stopped her.

"Yeah?"

"If you want me to scan this thing for you, then you have to promise to be careful." Marco held a hand up before she could protest. "You of all people should know how dangerous this book is. If it were up to me, I would still dump it!"

"C'mon Marco, it's not that bad," She tried. "Quit being such a safe kid."

Coming from her, the name had all but lost its effect on him. "Call me what you want, but you can't argue that this book is extremely dangerous." Marco said sternly. "In twelve hours, it almost started a zombie apocalypse, _and_ nearly lobotomized half the planet!"

It was obvious to Janna that he wasn't going to back down. When it came to the safety of those around him, Marco was stubborn as a brick. Whatever, it's not like she was going to try and hurt anybody. Mostly. All she wanted was to make things a little more 'fun'.

"Alright fine, but I-"

"I'm serious Janna," Marco interrupted. "If you don't promise to handle this thing carefully, I won't scan it."

"Fine," She conceded. "I promise I'll be careful. Happy?"

"Not really, I shouldn't even be giving this back to you."

"Yeah, you probably shouldn't. But you will, so I'll take that as a yes." Janna joked as she started to shut the door.

"Seeya later Janna." Marco chuckled. Much as he hated to admit it, her personality was beginning to grow on him.

"Later Diaz."

Marco turned back to the book and got to work. Setting up the scanner would be tough for a book this size.

* * *

After about a half hour, Marco admired his handiwork. He had to take apart the scanner, and reassemble it with some 'slight' adjustments. He replaced the small surface with a sheet of plywood, and instead of the arm that held the camera, he used an old tripod. All in all, his scanner was made bigger, but also looked like a low-budget horror movie prop.

Hoisting the book onto the scanner, Marco felt it begin to shake.

"What the…" Marco thought aloud as he carefully set the book back onto the ground.

As soon as he let go of the book, it burst open in a flash of blue light. Marco gave a shout and jumped back, and the pages started rapidly flipping.

"Oh come on!" Marco groaned, waiting for something horrible to happen.

The book's pages suddenly stopped turning. As the blue light began to fade, he could make out a figure.

"Marco my boy, how have you been?" Sitting atop the pages was a smiling, bearded blue man, about the size of a coffee mug. He was wearing a yellow robe with a blue diamond on the front, and had a large purple gem imbedded into his forehead.

"Do… Do I know you?" Marco asked after regaining his composure. This was certainly... _different_ , but after the last 24 hours, "small blue man living in a spellbook" barely even registered on his weirdometer.

"Do a unicorn's hooves smell like wet concrete?" The blue man asked back.

"Uh… Yes?" Marco guessed.

"Co _rrrrr_ ect!" The man exclaimed with a rolled R.

"So does that mean I do know you?" He asked, now thoroughly confused.

"Of course not, I've never seen you before in my life!" It told him. "Unless you're psychic. Are you psychic?"

"No I-"

"Of course you're not psychic, you would've told me." It interrupted. "You would have told me if you were psychic, right?"

"Can I-"

"No you can't. Unless you can, then go ahead."

Marco sighed and pushed down the urge to slam the book closed on this tiny thing's head. "So who exactly are you?" He could already tell that this guy was going to get on his nerves.

"I am _Sir Glossaryck!_ " He said, his name spelling out above him as he said it. "Of terms."

Marco paused. All things considered, his question had been answered, but it had not helped him whatsoever. "And… what are you doing in my room?" He asked carefully.

Glossaryck slowly rose up from the book, still in a sitting pose, and rotated around the room. "Hm. Your room. What are you doing with my home?"

"You live in the the book?" Marco asked curiously.

"You live in this room?" Glossaryck asked back.

"Do you know how to answer a question?" Marco asked, frustrated.

"Do you?" Glossaryck responded. Marco bit back another remark, and took a deep breath. The little man in front of him had been here for less than a minute and he was already thoroughly tired of him.

Letting out a long sigh, Marco tried again. "What do you want?"

"Why do you want to scan the book?" Glossaryck deflected the question yet again.

"I asked first!" Marco shouted. Glossaryck stared at him expectantly. "Fine." Marco gave up. "It's for my friend Janna."

"Ah, Janna!" Glossaryck floated upwards to investigate Marco's jerryrigged scanner. "How is that girl?"

"She's… fine…" Marco resisted answering with another question, and instead paused before asking: "you know her?"

"Mmm… no." Glossaryck said thoughtfully. Swimming forward through the air, he poked at the tripod, which wobbled precariously.

Marco immediately rushed over to the device to steady it. " _What_ are you doing here?" He asked, irritated.

"Ah, yes…" Glossaryck drifted absently down to the plywood and began to lift up a corner. "I am here to deliver a warning!" He casually said.

"And that warning would be…?" Marco asked as he pushed the plywood back down into the scanner.

Glossaryck floated back into a sitting position, and then levitated back up to Marco's eye level. "Don't scan the book."

"Excuse me?" Marco asked.

"Don't. Scan. The book." Glossaryck repeated.

"Hah. Like I want to," Marco retorted. "But I promised Janna I would, and Marco Diaz is a man of his word!" Standing back up, he began to hoist the book onto the scanner.

Glossaryck shrugged. "I _really_ wouldn't scan the book." He warned again.

Marco, fumbling for the power cord, paid him no mind. "Sorry, bud. I promised."

Glossaryck shrugged, and the book flipped back open to his home page. "Welp, don't say I didn't warn you! Also, watch out for the warnicorns! Their weakness is their hooves!" With that, he dove back into the book, which flipped closed again.

"Um… what?" Marco emerged from beneath the scanner, which was now plugged in and humming idly. The book did not respond.

Shrugging, Marco pushed the book open to the first page, which was just as much gibberish as the rest of what he'd seen. "Whatever. Weirdo."

* * *

Five minutes later, Marco was wondering why he hadn't taken the genie's advice. Not ten pages into it, and already the book was starting to wreak havoc. Things were flying off his shelves and smashing into the wall, and the top of his desk was on fire, but had somehow avoided burning. A portal had ripped open from his ceiling, and every few seconds some odd creature would come falling out of it, each more disturbing than the last. A disembodied head was rolling around on the floor, reciting Shakespeare.

"Stupid Marco, stupid!" He scolded himself. As if on cue, a megaphone came falling out of the portal and began reciting that line over again. _Stupid Marco stupid!_ It sang. _Stupid Marco stupid!_

His bedsheets had just come to life, and he was currently in the process of fending them off with the broad end of a broom. The book itself, the very thing he expected _Janna_ to be careful with, had warned him not to scan it. And _of course,_ he'd chosen _now_ as the time to stop listening to his instincts. A thought had been building in his subconscious and had now cemented itself at the forefront of his brain: Janna was going to be the death of him. And to make matters even worse, that wizard-genie guy or whatever he was absolutely refused to leave him alone.

"You know Marco, you should really learn to listen." Glossaryck shouted over the chaos, inspecting his fingernails. "It'll help you avoid situations like this, in the future."

"Do you have anything substantial to add to this?!" Marco snapped. The blankets temporarily banished, he turned around just in time to see his wastebasket become animated and begin spitting wet paper all over the floor. "At least tell me how to fix it!"

"I would help, but I think I'd rather watch and see how all this plays out." The small man responded. "You're a smart kid, you'll figure it out. Or maybe not!"

Every time Marco had attempted to fix something, two more problems would arise. He tried holding the piece of plywood from the scanner over the portal, but that only caused it to rip open wider. He tried extinguishing his desk, (Yes, he kept a fire extinguisher in his room, what of it?) but somehow that only spread the fire. All the while, the rolling head had found the megaphone, and Shakespeare was bouncing off his eardrums in stereo.

* * *

Meanwhile, Janna was in town with Jackie, sitting in a small 50's-themed diner. She was having a _wonderful_ time trying to divert the conversation away from the zombie incident. But it was as if she were trying to stem the tide with her bare hands. No matter what she tried, Jackie always found a way to steer the conversation back towards it. There was no way Jackie didn't know she was hiding something, and unfortunately, the girl could read her like a book.

"Isn't it weird how something so slow can spread so fast?" Jackie asked. "I used to wonder why people could be so afraid of zombies in the movies, but jeez, those things are freaky!"

And she was subtle about it too. Janna almost wished she would just straight up ask her what she did, instead of being so patient. It wasn't like she wasn't going to tell Jackie about the book, but just... not yet.

"You gotta admit they were pretty cool though. It's not like you'll see that stuff every day." Janna remarked. ' _At least not yet anyway.'_

"Speak for yourself." Jackie shuddered. "You didn't end up becoming one." She finally decided to drop it for now. She'd try and slip Janna up later.

Thinking about how they'd made it through the episode together made Janna's mind drift back to Marco. Was he finished scanning the book yet? No, he said it would take a few hours, it hadn't been that long. Would he even be able to scan a book that large?

Meh. He was sure to figure something out.

 _Would he, though_? The thought rose, unbidden. Marco had been very insistent that she get rid of the book, and she'd just left it with him… Would he try and do it himself? Now would be a perfect opportunity, if he so intended.

 _No, he wouldn't do that._ He might be a safety freak, but that doesn't mean he would destroy somebody else's property, he was too nice for that. But then again…

"Janna?" Jackie asked, waving a hand in front of her friend's face and whistling. "Hey? You in there?"

Snapping back to reality, Janna stood up. "I think I'm gonna head home Jackie, I'll see you later!" She blurted out. Leaving a pile of her money on the table, along with a confused Jackie, she dashed out the door.

* * *

The situation hadn't gotten any better on Marco's end. He genuinely had no idea what was going on anymore. His room had become the embodiment of complete and total chaos. More portals had ripped open, he was constantly avoiding getting trampled by various grotesque creatures, and it was so loud he couldn't even hear himself think. Though, much to his distraught, he was still somehow able to make out Glossaryck's voice.

"And that's how I learned to drive a four-dimensional stick shift." Glossaryck concluded. "Hey, were you even listening?"

Marco had stopped listening to him a while ago, all the blue man seemed to do was annoy him. He didn't need any distractions from the task at hand if he wanted to avoid getting killed. Instead of trying to contain the damage that was being caused, Marco was now fighting for his life. Be it by dodging projectiles rapidly flying through the air, fighting off a bunch of gremlins, or avoiding charging unicorns, all the while managing to keep himself from falling through a stray portal. His body was running on autopilot at the moment, as his brain had simply given up processing the utter madness that was surrounding him. And through all this the scanner kept scanning, churning out spell after spell.

' _Is there_ anything _I can do?'_ Marco thought inwardly.

With that thought, he began to slow down. He simply could not keep this up. Be it from his exhausted body or his overwhelmed mind, he began to white out. Marco stumbled a few times, and fell to the ground. The darkness of unconsciousness was very nearly a welcome reprieve from his bombardment.

* * *

When Marco awoke, he wasn't quite sure he'd actually done so. He waved a hand in front of his face, only to realize that he was surrounded by utter blackness.

"Am I… dead?" He asked. His voice echoed out around him like he was in a sound chamber.

Slowly, stars began to twinkle to life around him. First just a few pinpricks, then some clusters, and before long entire galaxies were swirling around him, painting an endless vista of the cosmos.

"Woah…" Marco gasped. He was literally starstruck. ' _If I really am dead,'_ he decided, ' _I wouldn't mind spending eternity here.'_

"...aarco…" a familiar voice echoed, as if from down a long hallway. Marco blinked and looked around. Now that he had enough light, he could see the book floating nearby. It had floated away from the scanner, which was now a jumbled mess of pieces floating apart on his other side. And there was his bed, floating around on his other side. And his desk, and -

"Hey Marco!" A voice suddenly startled him. It sounded like it was right next to him. A loud knocking rocked his entire universe. "You alive in there?"

With a creak, Janna cracked open Marco's bedroom door. "You're not… like, naked or something, right?" She asked. She at least had the decency to cover her eyes. Mostly.

Marco fell to the floor of his room with a thud as his view of the universe disappeared, along with everything around him - his desk, laptop, scanner, the now-capsized bed, and piles upon piles of trash and clothes.

Marco managed to get to his hands and knees before the book landed on his back with a thud and drove the air out of his lungs. "Ohowwwww…" he groaned.

"Diaz, you okay?" Janna asked, still peeking through her fingers.

"I'm… fine," he gasped.

"What the heck happened in here?" Janna asked as she helped push the book off of him.

Marco sat up and took a moment to catch his breath. "Your book!" He finally gasped. "Your _freaking book happened_ , Janna!"

Taken aback by Marco's tone, Janna slightly recoiled. "Did you finish scanning it?!" She asked excitedly.

"No!" Marco said. "I did not _finish scanning it!"_ Standing up, he kicked the book's cover and noticed a sticky-note on the front of it.

' _I fixed your room. You're welcome.' - Glossaryck._

"I - ur - gr - bru - " Marco picked up the note and crumpled it in his fist. He hadn't ever seriously entertained the thought of arson before, but to his short-circuited brain at that moment, nothing had ever sounded more appealing.

"Woah!" Janna backed up and pulled the book with her. She'd never seen Marco so… unmanaged before. As he stood in the center of the room, she pulled the book into the hallway, out of view, and came back in. "It's cool now! Book is gone." She quickly placed a hand on his shoulder and gestured towards the door.

Marco, still tense as a board, turned to his bed to sit down, only to find it capsized. His face blanched a deep red and his fists tightened. Janna knew this look. She recognized it from the rare occasions when her sister got angry. He was about to _explode._ There was only one thing to do.

She hugged him.

It was so bizarre, so left-field, so completely _not_ Janna, it stopped Marco in his tracks. It was almost as hard to process as the rest of the day's events. She was… hugging him? Why?

"Thank you," she quietly said. "I'm sorry. I know I keep pressuring you into doing this stuff. But I really do appreciate it."

"Um…" Marco's face was red again, but now for an entirely different reason than anger. He was still tense as a board, but he was now acutely aware of the fact that he was _excruciatingly_ sore from his previous athletics, and the rage he'd felt moments ago melted away. Why was she _hugging him?_ "Can you… let go?"

Janna's eyes shot open and she immediately blushed before staggering back. "Sorry!"

"No, it was… fine." Marco walked over to his still-overturned bed and sat on the edge. Janna stood awkwardly for a moment before sitting down next to him.

"So." He said finally. "I'm not scanning the rest of the book."

Janna was still looking at her boots, still thoroughly embarrassed.

"Hey." Marco put his hand on her shoulder and she looked up. "I appreciate the apology, okay? Just…" he let out another long breath and gestured around his room. "I gotta clean all this stuff up, now."

Janna felt herself relax as the moment finally passed, and pledged to never initiate contact with another human being for the rest of her life. "Yep."

"Oh, you can at least have what I did scan!" Marco hopped up and found his laptop in the corner of his room, and plugged Janna's phone into it. Miraculously, both devices had survived the past 48 hours. He transferred what parts of the book he'd finished scanning onto the phone.

"Coooool." Janna's eyes lit up as she began to flip through the virtual pages. Before long, a small blue figure had popped up on the screen, tapping at the inside of the glass and mouthing words. With a strained expression, he pushed himself through the glass and up into the air.

"Great." Marco rolled his eyes.

Janna was still staring at the small blue gnome before her. "Woah. How'd you get into my phone?"

"I believe the better question would be," Glossaryck corrected, "how did your _phone_ get into _me."_

Marco looked on, annoyed. "Alright, and with that I'm done!" He opened the door and nearly tripped over the book lying in the hallway. "This is my room." He stated, as if only now remembering the point. Turning back to Janna (and Glossaryck), he gestured towards the door. "Please leave. I gotta process all this..."

Janna shrugged while Glossaryck gave him the stinkeye. "Whatever you say, Diaz. See you in class tomorrow?"

Marco sighed. "I suppose so." Tomorrow was Friday. Nothing bad could happen on a Friday, right?

As Janna slowly pushed the book down the stairs and towards his front door, Marco turned and looked at his room with a sense of dread. _How_ was he going to clean all of this up?

* * *

 **Sometimes I wonder, "what does Skullnick teach, exactly?"**

 **Heck if I know. "Whatever's convenient to the story," apparently.**

 **Also, Janna's definitely Marco's only friend. For sure. No other characters are his friends in the show, because that would be silly - we'd see more of them if that were the case, right?**

 **Next time on Janna Vs The Forces Of Evil: Monsters, on Earth! Wait, monsters on EARTH? Where did the book come from, and what's going on with that weird bird-creature with the wand? Tune in next week for the next episode: Mewni on Earth!**

 **(Chapter revised - 12/27/17)**


	4. Chapter 4: Mewni On Earth

**This week's episode is brought to you buy the As Seen On TV Store. ASOTVS! Where the only thing better than finding what you're looking for, is finding something you're not looking for, at a great price!**

* * *

 **Mewni.**

Water dripped in thick, slimy rivulets from the ceiling of a cave, down onto the short, bare back and blond head of Former King River as he fashioned a new spear. He wore only his loincloth and his crown, and of the two, the crown was only to remind himself who he truly was.

His heart was pounding, eyes wild, his breath coming in gasps, but his hands were steady. The Johansens were _made_ for monster hunting. After decades of sitting on a soft throne eating corn, here was the opportunity to return to his roots he'd been so eagerly craving.

And what an opportunity it was! This was the fourth spear he'd broken _today_ , much to the assured dismay of the monsters who'd found the business end of his weapon. Nothing like a good ol' fashioned monster revolt to get the blood flowing!

Outside the cave, the sudden clangs and explosions of combat came and went. River was with a party of 20 - the bravest, most stalwart knights and servants within his kingdom. Many of them had been trained personally by him. By their cries, they were attempting to stem an impossible tide.

Stepping up with his new weapon, River looked towards the entrance of the cave and ran forward with a cry. Within moments, monsters came pouring in.

Whatever had happened to his lieutenants would remain a mystery as the outcast king dove into the horde with a roar. His wooden spear thwacked and poked through dozens of monsters, his legs kicking out and his undersized, nearly-nude body in a continual blur of motion as he fought. They may have overwhelmed his knights, but the monster forces before him were no match for the pride of the Johansen clan! Why, his family had been born and bred to slay fiends such as these!

He nearly made it to the entrance of the cave before finally being stunned. A sickly green blast of energy struck him in the chest, knocking him into the cave with such force that he struck the back wall. He stood back up immediately, but the monsters were upon him before he could regain his footing. With three creatures of various sizes on his arms, two more on his legs, and a small one even standing on his beard-covered chest, it was all he could do to lie spread eagled and catch his breath as he was approached.

The creature that had struck him down was an odd one. _Ludo_. The usurper. River watched, still in a haze of bloodlust as the strange, beaked midget approached him. He rode the crudest, most base monsters that Mewni had to offer. Beneath him was the largest arachnid River had ever laid eyes on. Surrounding him with its wings and riding the spider was a Mewnian Eagle, an enormous specimen easily ten times the size of a normal bird.

The bird opened its wings grandly as Ludo stepped towards the fallen king. He held a wand in his hand - the source of all his power, and the only weapon the monster hordes had needed to finally pierce and destroy the Butterfly family magic.

"Excellent." Ludo cackled menacingly. "Finally, we have you. The king of Mewni, to match the queen in her cell! I love having a full set."

"..." The wand glowed and hummed.

" _I know, I'm getting to it!"_ Ludo shrieked at it.

Leaning forward, Ludo pressed the wand into River's chest and stood only a few inches away from his face. "Now, unless you never want to see your queen again, you're going to tell me…" he exhaled a ragged, dank breath and River winced. "Where is the book? **Where. Is. Star?"**

* * *

 **Earth.**

The exuberant cries of high schoolers could be heard for miles around as the final bell rang at Echo Creek Academy. The doors opened and teenagers flooded the streets, eager to get as far away from their knowledge-infused torture-center as possible.

Behind the crowd were Echo Creek's two resident troublemakers. Well, the town's troublemaker, and the boy that kept hanging around her for some reason.

"Sure has been quiet this last week!" Marco pointedly said to Janna as they walked down the front steps together.

Janna groaned. "I _know,"_ she said. "It's been _terrible!"_

Marco shrugged. "I kinda like it! They even got all that mess from the zombie situation cleaned up!" He smiled at the newly repaired front windows of the school, as if personally proud that they were still intact. "I just hope it lasts until my karate tournament this week! Finally, I'm gonna get the chance to show Jeremy Birnbaum who's boss!"

Janna smirked. "Don't get used to it, Diaz. It took me all week to copy the rest of that book manually, but now," she whipped out her phone with a flourish and an evil chuckle. "I've finally got it." She felt a twinge of guilt about the episode from earlier that week. Inadvertently trashing Marco's room had definitely not been cool. Luckily, he seemed to have forgiven her pretty quickly.

Marco gave it a glance as Glossaryck popped out of the screen. "Hello!" He exclaimed. "Janna, this phone is _fantastic._ I love your aaaaaapps!" He dived back into the screen and the phone screen temporarily scrambled itself as it adjusted to the tiny wizard's presence.

Marco was unamused. "Just remember," he said. "You promised you'd be careful with it! Don't accidentally _delete gravity_ or anything. And no more zombies!"

Janna mouthed the words _delete gravity._ "You just gave me a new idea, Diaz." She grinned at him as she boarded her usual bus. Marco raised an eyebrow, thoroughly unimpressed. "I was joking." She deadpanned.

"Yeah, well, I wasn't. Seriously Janna, that thing could hurt someone!" Marco stood next to her preferred window as she got settled.

Janna shrugged. "I'll be careful," she absently promised as she turned towards the window. "Anyways, Jackie is in book club until later tonight, so you wanna hang out?"

Marco was surprised. He'd never really "hung out" with anyone who wasn't an exchange student at his house. After his family had kicked that tradition a couple years ago, it'd been awhile since he'd known anyone well enough to consider spending time with them. "Uh… yeah, I mean, sure!" He said with a half-smile.

"Cool." Janna grinned. "Meet me at Goths 'n Grills in 2 hours. We're gonna go shopping."

Marco shrugged. "Sounds good." The bus pulled away from the school. "See you then!"

* * *

Behind the academy, a different kind of hangout was taking place.

Directly above the same dumpster that the book had first appeared in, a sickly grey portal tore itself open in the fabric of reality. With a screech, Ludo's bird and spider flew out of it and landed with their master, ready to marshall the troops as they came through.

And came through they did, dozens of monsters of all shapes and sizes, from those barely tall enough to hold a spear to a hulking, 12-foot colossus with spike balls for hands. They filed through in an orderly fashion, until a bipedal bear with a unicorn horn tripped over a stray bit of garbage and took a spill. The other monsters filing through quickly tripped over him, resulting in utter confusion and disarray as the bodies piled up.

"Get up, you imbeciles!" Ludo screeched at his troops. His wand let off a violent blast, creating a crater in a nearby building. The monsters quickly straightened up and quieted down.

"All right you fools, you know why we're here!" Ludo shouted. "After hours at the hands of our best torturer, the king said that the book got sent here to Earth!"

* * *

River was shackled in a dank cell, strung up on a wall like so much raw meat while it happened. In front of him was an overweight frog-creature, eagerly talking in a Russian accent.

"...and just _look_ at little Katrina, here!" He was holding up a phone, flipping through pictures of tadpoles. "I took her to the mountains last week! There ought to be a law against being this cute!"

River finally cried out. "Oh god, I'll tell you anything, just make it stop!"

* * *

"Find that book," Ludo commanded. "And don't come back 'till you do!"

With shouts of encouragement, the monsters quickly dispersed into the streets of the town, and it wasn't long until the sirens started.

* * *

Janna tapped her fingers impatiently against the windowsill of the bus. They were surrounded on all sides by traffic, stuck at a standstill on the Echo Creek Expressway. The heat of a late fall afternoon was radiating off the asphalt below them, the bus itself beginning to steam from the temperature. The kids around her were becoming restless.

About 20 other students were on the bus with Janna, and true to form, there was barely a spare seat to be had. Janna's bench, as it was, was actually the only one that didn't have two or three kids sitting on it. This was not a coincidence.

As the bus inched forward, a chorus of honking was coming from all sides, and cracks were beginning to form in the students' facade. It didn't take much to push bored high school students over the edge, and spending half an hour stuck in traffic didn't help.

The bus jerked forward, and then jerked to a stop, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. In the back seat of the bus, part of the football team had amassed and was slowly boiling over. Finally, Justin stood up, short blond hair stuck to his head with sweat.

"This is never going to end!" He screamed, tearing at the shirt he'd stretched over his bulky frame. The bus jerked forward again and he spilled onto his face. From the ground, the bus heard his desperate shout. "We're all going to spend the rest of our lives on this highway!"

That was all it took. Kids started screaming as the rest of the football team completely lost it, followed shortly by the popular clique from where they sat in front of them. Papers were being thrown everywhere, and the bus rocked back and forth as student bodies flung themselves all over it.

Janna sighed in annoyance as the bus devolved to chaos around her. It took all of her willpower to not reach into her pocket and find the perfect spell to cool the bus down and get her home. Even just a tiny little incantation would do the trick! She remembered her promise to Marco, but deleting gravity had never sounded more tempting.

She leaned forward towards the driver. "Hey, man." She asked him. "When do you think we'll be outta this?"

The driver had his hands clenched on the steering wheel, his teeth bared, his foot barely tapping the accelerator. His body was stiff as a board. Their driver was an interesting type - he had a peg leg that nobody knew how he acquired, long, unshaven hair, and he rarely said a word to the students if he could help it. Even now, as the bus was rapidly forming a caste-based dictatorship behind him.

"I won't go back…" he muttered. "Not again. Not like the jam of '96."

Suddenly, his foot floored the accelerator and the bus swerved to the side of the highway as it accelerated. Everyone aboard was thrown into the back of their seat as the bus launched forward. "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME MERGE!" The driver roared.

* * *

At the front of the jam, three monsters were busy dismantling the roadway. A pudgy, two-headed demon was opening and closing doors, a three-eyed, overgrown, potato looking baby thing was attacking some loose upholstery, while a monster that could only be described as a snake wearing sunglasses was slithering around beneath people's tires. Despite this, the attitude of most drivers would best be described as "irritated."

"We aren't finding anything!" Shouted the one with two heads as he slammed the door on yet another car.

"The bossss said sssearch." Hissed the snake. "Ssso we search."

Three-eyed potato baby forced the hood of an engine compartment open, and the driver honked at him in annoyance.

* * *

Marco, for his part, was regretting his decision to walk home. The entire city was in chaos, and it was all he could do to keep a level head and steady pace as the world melted around him.

All around him there were car alarms blaring, and people were yelling at their phones. Probably because their insurance company's phone lines were booked, with so many people calling at once.

"What did Janna do this time…" Marco asked himself, as he passed a flaming trash can.

As he approached his house, Marco gave a sigh, glad to be rid of all the chaos. Ten minutes of constant alarms blaring in somebody's ears could get quite vexing. All things considered, he was just happy that he hadn't found the cause.

"C'mon, just grab it!" He stopped when he heard a deep voice yell from inside. Marco quickly put his ear to the door.

"Well why don't you try grabbing stuff without hands?" Came another voice. Just as Marco was getting ready to burst inside and confront the intruders, he jumped back when a loud crash came from his left. His TV had been thrown through the upstairs window of his room.

"See, I told you." Said a large lobster-like monster, as he jumped after it. "It's harder than it looks, huh?"

"Well at least you have claws." The deeper-voiced monster grumbled. It was enormous, barely managing to squeeze itself out of the frame as the stucco around it cracked and stressed. It wore a spiked black mask, and had giant metal spiky balls for hands.

"Hey!" Marco shouted at the intruders, getting their attention. They stared at him quizzically for a moment, waiting for him to go on.

"Ahem?" Marco cleared his throat, gesturing to the broken window and television.

"Oh right, sorry about that," The masked one said sheepishly, which seemed odd due to his appearance. "You see, neither of us have hands, so it was hard to grab that thing." He pointed a spiked ball toward the broken television on the ground, as if that were enough explanation.

"And?" Marco asked, arms crossed. Normally he would be terrified out of his mind, but after what happened when he scanned the book (and the zombies, and the knowledge-demon), there apparently wasn't much left that could surprise him.

"And we couldn't really turn the doorknob, so…" Added the lobster-man.

"Then how did you get in?" Marco asked, losing his patience. The two monsters paused and looked at each other.

"How _did_ we get in?" The masked one asked, attempting to stroke it's chin. The result was something very similar to nails on a chalkboard.

Marco groaned in frustration. That TV was expensive! "Alright monsters!" He snapped. "You broke my TV, and broke my window! You guys are _going down!_ "

After a few tense minutes of karate-packed combat (and a pair of very bruised monsters shuffling away in retreat) Marco entered the house to find his parents setting up a late lunch. They smiled, happy to see him. "Marco!" His father exclaimed. "Welcome home, Mijo! Have you met our new friends, Lobster Claws and Spikeballs?"

Marco sighed with annoyance. That explained how they'd gotten in. He promptly dropped his backpack and decided that even with the city falling apart around him, being out and walking was still probably better than sitting at home, trying to explain to his parents why he'd beat up their two new "friends." Fixing the window would have to be a job for future-Marco. That guy was a pushover.

* * *

"So then the bus _careened_ off the road," Janna explained as the two walked through Goths 'n' Grills. "Everyone was screaming, we all thought we were gonna _die._ " She grinned. "It was great."

She held up a thin shirt. It was made of fishnet literally everywhere except the sleeves. "What do you think?"

"Ugh, no." Marco shuddered to think how his classmates would react to Janna wearing that during school. He held up a set of dark-purple, pre-ripped pants. "Why would anyone buy this stuff? Who wants new, _already damaged_ pants _?"_

Janna shrugged. "I dunno. Those are cool though, give 'em."

Marco sighed as he handed over the damaged jeans. "Y'know, I have some old, torn-up jeans I'd _give you_ if you wanted them."

Janna glanced at him as she draped the jeans over her arm. "Oooh! Retro. I like it." She said, before she quickly rifled through a set of dark shirts with such appealing logos as _Daddy's Little Gangster_ and _The Girl Of The Gang._ "But yeah, most of this stuff is bad," she ruefully admitted. "Still, you try shopping for me sometime. There's a reason I only wear one outfit."

Marco chuckled and glanced self-consciously at his bright red hoodie. "Yeah… I know that feeling."

* * *

Elsewhere, King River's parent-turned-torturer had now turned his own sights to the book as well. He was a large, humanoid frog-like creature, known only to his allies as "Buff Frog." Unlike the other monsters, he'd decided against wreaking blind havoc, instead opting for a more stealthy approach. He was currently sneaking around the back of a building labeled 'Echo Creek Library.' Libraries were where humans kept their books, right?

"Star Butterfly has book hidden well." He commented. He was Ludo's top scout, and had been looking for over an hour, yet found nothing. Putting on a pair of broken sunglasses he found, he decided it was time to look inside. As he walked through the front door, he was greeted by a lady behind a counter.

"Uh, hello." He said nervously, trying not to blow his 'cover.' "Do you know where I can find a book?"

"A book? Yes, is there something in particular you're looking for?" The librarian replied politely.

"Um, well…" The frog monster began to sweat, this lady was onto him. "No, just a regular book." With that, he quickly dashed over to the shelves, searching.

"Okay then," The librarian giggled. "Have fun."

Elsewhere in the library, Jackie's book club was in full-steam. It had already existed before the events of the last week, but after the loss of the internet, every student in school had scrambled to find something to fill the time. Now there were 12 of them sat in the circle, discussing the merits of a story about the journeys of a sentient pair of pants.

"I just really, like, feel like the pants are _more_ than just clothing, y'know?" Jackie asked the group. There was assent: a murmur of "aaahs" and "mmhmms."

Peeking out suspiciously from behind the bookshelf, Buff Frog was taking frantic notes. A book about magical pants? He knew Earth didn't have any magic of its own; this was surely the work of the spellbook that they'd been sent to find!

Taking a deep breath, he stepped out from behind the shelf and into the group of teens and cleared his throat. There were sharp gasps and some woahs… it wasn't very often that a frog-creature decided to interrupt your book club.

"Excuse me," Buff Frog cleared his throat, sweating bullets. "I am, um, looking for your magic book. About the pants. I was wondering if I could possibly... borrow it."

Jackie's eyebrows had shot up to her hairline, but she was keeping her cool. "Um… yeah? It's a library. Want to… talk about it with us?" She held up a copy of the book and Buff Frog's eyes went wide. There it was! Smaller than he'd imagined, and it didn't look anything like what Ludo had said, but a magic book was a magic book!

He sat down cross-legged and nodded. "Yes. Teach me the ways of magic."

* * *

"And I come home, and they just throw my TV _through my window!"_ Marco exclaimed. He quickly dodged a strike from a classmate and threw him down onto the mat of the dojo.

Janna chuckled, a bag of clothes sitting beside her on the edge of the mat as she flipped through the spellbook on her phone. Goths 'n' Grills was only a few minutes away from Marco's strip-mall dojo, and they'd decided, with entirely too much time to kill, no homework to do and a city that was falling apart at the seams, that it wouldn't hurt for Marco to get in a little karate practice for later that week.

"That's rough, Diaz!" A whiny voice from the other end of the dojo caused Marco to go stiff as a board. One of the other students launched at his chest with a kick, and promptly bounced off. "That's probably at least a month's salary for your family!"

Marco turned on his heels, barely able to move, while Janna glanced up from her phone. At the other end of the room was Marco's most-hated rival: Jeremy Birnbaum. 7th grader. Rich kid. Resident jerkface.

And his parents.

"Oh, ho ho ho, good one son!" His mother called from the stands.

"SHUT IT MOM!" Jeremy screamed.

Marco relaxed a bit after remembering the tournament later this week. "Mock all you want, Jeremy!" He taunted. "I'm still going to kick your butt at the tournament! Of course, if you wanted to do it now and save me some trouble…"

Jeremy stepped forward. "Is that a _challenge_ , Diaz?" He asked.

Marco matched his pace. "You know it."

"Well, I guess I co-" Jeremy was stopped cold by the front window of the dojo breaking open. Glass scattered everywhere and what could only be described as a giant, anthropomorphic warthog with forks for hands stepped through and onto the mat.

"CHALLENGE!" He shouted.

Jeremy looked at him incredulously. "Do you mind?!" he shouted. "We were in the middle of - AAAAAGH!" His complaints stopped abruptly when he was hooked by the back of his outfit and tossed out into the parking lot like a sack of potatoes.

Marco was getting seriously annoyed. These random monster things were _really_ starting to mess with his day. "Hey!" He shouted. "I was gonna do that!"

The form-monster-thing turned towards him. "Oh yeah?" He flexed.

"Yeah."

"Oh YEAH?!" He strained.

"Yeah."

"OH YEAAAH?!" He screamed. The white shirt he wore over his chest burst as he seemingly doubled his body size by flexing.

"Yeah!" Marco called defiantly.

The monster deflated. "Oh. I'm sorry!" He apologized meekly.

"Nuh-uh." Marco advanced over the mat, paying careful mind to the newly-scattered broken glass. "You monsters are _so rude!"_

Janna cheered him on in the background as the fight began. "Go get 'em, Marco!"

* * *

Outside, on the streets of downtown Echo Creek, Ludo was unhappy. This was not exactly a revolutionary concept in itself, but in this particular instance, his anger was perhaps justified.

"You're telling me you imbeciles didn't find _anything?"_ He shrieked.

"Dai… the Earth is pretty big!" reported the Bearicorn creature. Around him, Ludo's forces were beginning to return and marshall with relics from their trip. The ones from the highway were covered in engine oil, and one was carrying a passenger's seat. Others had new t-shirts or electronics, while Buff Frog was happily humming to himself with a loaned copy of the Journeying Pants (not magic, he'd found, but still a good book) under his arm. Lobster Claws, Spikeballs and the giant warthog Meathook were now sporting some shiny new bruises.

"And a lot tougher!" Meathook groaned.

"You guys _make me sick!"_ Ludo screamed from atop his spider and bird. "When we get back, no more TV or sofa privileges for _anyone!"_

The monsters groaned and Ludo seethed, his wand lighting up and glowing before, without warning, it let off an explosive burst of energy.

The monster army watched as the burst gracefully arced through the air, before impacting the front of a multi-story convenience store and shattering its windows.

"What the…" Ludo squinted at the sign. " _As… Seen… On… TV?"_

"TV?!" One of the monsters exclaimed excitedly.

"TV…." the rest of the monsters droned, trancelike.

"Boss, can't we see what's inside?" Beard-Deer asked anxiously. "The book could be in there!"

"Was the book ever on TV…?" the two-headed demon asked himself, and shrugged.

Ludo sighed. "Fine. But you get FIVE MINUTES!" He shouted. "Then we are going BACK TO THE CASTLE!"

* * *

The doors slid open. The horde poured in, and Ludo's eyes lit up in amazement.

Row upon row of endless, gimmicky electronic gadgetry greeted them. Juicers, blenders, foot massagers, and the all-in-1 frying pan microwave that was the next revolution in home cooking!

"Welcome to As Seen On TV!" A greeter proclaimed. "Where the only thing better than finding what you're looking for, is finding something you're not looking for…"

Every employee in the store stuck their head out from behind cash registers and shelves. "AT A GREAT PRICE!"

Ludo had his mouth open in awe, his monsters similarly completely starstruck around him. He finally managed three words. "Bring. Me. Everything."

* * *

"So you really didn't cause this?" Marco asked Janna incredulously as they walked back from the dojo. The city was still in shambles in the wake of what had evidently been some kind of monster invasion.

Janna shrugged. "I'm tellin' ya dude, never seen those guys before in my life. This is your fault."

 _"My fault?"_ Marco asked incredulously. "How is this my fault?"

"You jinxed it." Janna said passively. "Earlier, you were all like 'oh, I hope nothing bad happens, it's been so quiet!' Well, you said it…"

Marco groaned. "Awwww… you're right, I did jinx it!" He looked around and noted just how monster-free Echo Creek suddenly was. "Well, at least it's all back to normal now."

They were passing in front of the As Seen On TV store, with it's many newly-shattered windows. There were a lot of those in Echo Creek these days, it seemed.

Janna looked at him and raised an eyebrow as the ground started to shake. "Dude."

They were nearly trampled as the doors slid open, a horde of monsters stampeding out, all covered in the latest and greatest sensational TV products.

"All right you idiots, BACK TO THE CASTLE!" Ludo screamed triumphantly as he followed his army to the parking lot. One of them opened a portal and they began streaming through in a cloud of dust.

Bearicorn came running out, holding a combination juicer/power saw. He knocked the duo backwards onto their butts as they could only watch, mouths agape at the scene transpiring before them.

"Agh… dai, I'm sorry," he blushed and offered them a hand. Ludo stopped next to him with his bird and spider.

"Don't apologize you idiot, you're a monster!"

"Agh, I'm sorry!" He ran towards the portal. Ludo stared down Janna, who was still wondering what the heck was going on. It would seem the world was going to new lengths to shock and surprise them.

"What're you lookin' at?" He asked before riding through the portal himself at the hind end of his pack. It snapped shut behind him.

The two teens sat there for a moment, still trying to process what had just happened.

"That guy is bad news." Marco said.

"Yeah... " Janna stood up and brushed off her jacket and new pants. Marco was right. Pre-damaged jeans were stupid. "Wanna get a smoothie?"

* * *

 **This chapter jumps around a lot. I really like all the individual little tidbits, but I think it's kinda difficult to get them all to mesh properly. Ah, well.**

 **Next time on Janna Vs The Forces Of Evil: A bored teenage girl with a bit of a fascination for the obscene. A Latino karate boy whose sole ambition in life is to beat up an obnoxiously rich 8-year-old at a karate tournament. When Janna offers to help Marco get an edge on his better-funded, better-trained opponent, how is he supposed to say no? Tune in next week for our next episode: Monster Arm!**

 **(Chapter revised: 12/27/17)**


	5. Chapter 5: Monster Arm

**A/N: Happy holidays everyone! Whether you're celebrating Christmas or not, this time of year, we can all at least come together with one common statement: Christmas music _sucks._**

 **Here I am with another chapter of Janna Vs The Forces Of Evil, and it's a long one! Nearly 6000 words this time around, and it's made of solid gold. I personally think this more than makes up for our lackluster previous chapter. For everything I disliked about that one, there's something I love about this one. This is the monster arm episode, but rest assured - we've done our own little take on it.**

 **More notes at the bottom, as usual. Enjoy!**

* * *

Marco took in a breath, and slowly exhaled. In front of him, stacked atop two upended cinderblocks, was a stack of boards nearly a foot thick.

He readied his hand, and his mind, as he approached and steeled himself for this encounter.

His hand was a blade. His mind was all the power in the world. The boards in front of him may as well have been styrofoam.

He raised his hand above his head, emptying his mind, preparing to strike…

"Heya Marco."

Janna's voice from behind him immediately shattered his concentration, which fell to the ground like the panes of a broken window. He turned around to see his torturer-turned-friend standing innocently behind him.

"What were you doing?" She asked suggestively.

Marco stomped over to his bed, in no mood for Janna's games. "You could see." He said bluntly. "How did you even get in here, anyways?"

Janna pointed to Marco's still-shattered window frame, where Marco noticed a hole had been put in the plastic that he'd used to cover it. He sighed.

"Honestly, it's like you're not even _trying_ to keep me out," Janna smirked as she sat on the bed next to him. "So, what are you up to, anyways?"

Marco gestured to the boards in front of him. "Well, before I was so _rudely interrupted,_ " he glared, "I was about to test my strength against those boards."

"You want to break your hand?" Janna stood up and hefted one of the planks - each was more than half an inch thick, and there were half a dozen stacked on top of each other.

"No!" Marco quickly took the board from Janna and set it back in place. "Tomorrow, I have a karate tournament. And it's a chance for me to finally beat that little shrimp, Jeremy Birnbaum!"

"By breaking your hand." Janna added.

"No, not by breaking my hand!" Marco shouted. "The boards are a test of strength! If I can't shatter these, I don't stand a chance against Jeremy!"

Lifting his hand above his head again, he steeled his gaze on the wood in front of him, summoned up all of his inner strength… and stopped when he felt Janna pull his wrist back down.

"Dude. You're gonna hurt yourself." Janna cautioned him. "Have you ever even done this before?"

Marco sighed as he looked at the boards in front of him. "No."

"Then why are you going to try and do it for the first time, right before you have to fight your nemesis?" Janna reasoned.

Marco looked at the boards, discontent with their current, intact state. "I guess you're right," he sighed again.

"You know," Janna smiled mischievously, "I've got a _spell_ that could help you beat that guy." She whipped out her phone and stared at Marco's bare arms appreciatively.

"No, NO, nuh-uh, no _way!_ " Marco quickly backed up. "Every time that book comes out, something ends up broken!"

Janna shrugged and swiped through the pages. "Suit yourself, dude. Anyways, it's like… 5:00. Want to go get food?"

Marco gulped and did a double-take. "F-FIVE O-CLOCK? Ohmygod I'm late!" He quickly grabbed at a bike helmet and some extra clothes. "I'll talk to you tomorrow Janna!" He hurriedly said. "I've got to get to practice!"

He rushed out the door to his bedroom and it slammed shut behind him. Janna only shrugged before climbing back out of the window.

* * *

It was dark by the time Marco, battered and bruised, managed to limp out of his strip-mall dojo. The practice had been vicious and demanding, and earned him several new purpling bruises in his chest and stomach. Jeremy's punches felt like he had iron fists in his gloves!

 _How is he so strong?_ Marco wondered to himself, frustrated. He was sure that if he just had access to the same private coaching and supplies as rich-kid Jeremy Birnbaum, he'd be able to hit twice as hard. But as it was, he knew he was in no shape to face him tomorrow.

So, there was only one solution.

Turning off of his usual route home, Marco found himself on the doorstep of the Russo residence. Bracing himself for what he was about to do, he ghosted a knock on the front door.

Immediately it flew open. It took Marco a moment to realize who'd opened it, though, as the girl in front of him barely reached to the middle of his chest. Janna's sister Joleen stood before him, an eyebrow raised and a half-eaten hot dog in one hand.

"What?" She asked through a full mouth.

"Um… is Janna home?" Marco asked sheepishly.

Shrugging, Joleen wandered back into the house, which Marco took as an invitation to enter. "JANNA!" she shrieked. "YOUR WEIRD BOYFRIEND IS HERE!"

Marco thought about correcting her, but bit his tongue when he heard something glass smash in the back of the house and Janna's shout: "he is NOT my boyfriend!"

"Janna!" Marco called. She appeared from down a side hallway as her sister disappeared back into the kitchen.

"What's up Marco?" She asked. She, too, had a hot-dog in her hand, which she promptly bit off the end of. "Churge ur mind abort dat magi' srengf?"

Marco sighed. "Yes. Do me up, Janna."

He could immediately tell from her crocodile grin that he was going to regret this decision. "Excellent." She said, swallowing the bite of dog. "Come with me."

* * *

Janna's room was just like it was the last time Marco had seen it - completely disorganized, and covered in dirty laundry. The spellbook was propped up in the corner. Ignoring it, Janna decided for her phone, instead. "Let's see…" she muttered. "Glossaryck?"

The genie rose up from the book in a meditating pose. "Yes, my princess?" He asked, which got a snicker out of Marco.

"I told you to stop calling me that," Janna hissed, trying to keep Marco from hearing. Glossaryck popped an eyelid, still wondering why he'd been summoned. The "gem blasters" app on Janna's phone wasn't going to play itself, after all!

"I need a magical strength spell."

"Whatever for?" Glossaryck asked.

"Marco's got to defeat his arch-nemesis in a dual to the death tomorrow!" Janna exclaimed. "It's a matter of life or death."

"No it's not." Marco corrected from the sidelines.

"Oh…" Janna thought to herself for a moment before continuing, "well, that's how they _should_ do it."

"Well does the loser at least get exiled from the dimension?" Asked Glossaryck intently.

"I might as well if I lose to a 12-year-old..." Marco mumbled.

"That kid is _really_ annoying." Janna added.

"Okay then, let's see." Glossaryck began to swipe through the 'pages' of the book on Janna's phone. "You said _magical_ strength, correct?"

"Ye- Waaait" Marco cut himself off. "Is this going to be one of those things where my muscles get so big I can't move, or I'm so strong I break everything I touch? What's the ca-"

"Do you want the spell or not Marco?" Janna interrupted, making Marco roll his eyes. He hated being interrupted, and it's been happening alot lately.

"Yeah, but not if it has terrible side-effects! What exactly does it do?"

"It gives you a really strong arm." Glossaryck said impatiently. "Now do you want it or not, I've got a high score to beat!"

"Is that _all_ it does?" Marco questioned. That sounded _way_ too simple. He didn't want to take any chances with that book, it's caused enough trouble as it is.

"You have my word."

"See Marco, It's fine!" Janna piped in. Ever since she got the book, she's wanted to try out it's magic on somebody. Namely Marco, who she could trust not to go telling everybody. "So what's the spell, Glossaryck?"

Glossaryck then highlighted the desired passage by running his finger over it, and descended back into the phone's screen. After a brief moment of skimming over it, Janna smiled and directed Marco to sit down.

"Okay, you ready?!" Janna asked, her eyes shining with excitement.

"Yep, go nuts." Bad choice of words.

"Ahem" Janna cleared her throat, and held her hand out towards Marco's arm.

"So is this gonna hurt, or-"

" _Releasio, Demonius, Infestica!"_ Janna chanted, her voice once again echoing around the room. As she finished her chant, an intense purple light encased her hand, and blasted toward Marco's outstretched arm.

Marco braced himself for the pain that was about to ensue, but it never came. In fact, it kind of tickled.

"Um, Janna…" he looked at his arm. Still completely normal. Maybe a little bit pink?

Janna, too, stared intently at it. "Um… maybe it takes a few minutes to kick in?"

* * *

"Try now." Janna ordered.

Shrugging, Marco brought his first into the board she was holding in front of him. Just like the others lying on the floor beside them, it splintered and broke, but Marco frowned in disappointment.

" _Anything?"_ Janna asked, bored. Marco sighed. He'd broken every piece of rotten plywood that they'd dragged in from Janna's backyard, but he could've done that _normally._ And what was worse, now his knuckles were aching, pretty badly. Plus all the rest of the bruises that he'd acquired, earlier. An extra 20 minutes of workout had definitely _not_ been on his agenda for the evening.

"...maybe?" He said, half hoping as he inspected his arm. It was still entirely unchanged, except maybe a _little_ purple? He dropped it to the side, now regretting the decision to try this at all. He should've been sleeping right now!

"I'm going home," he said, defeated. Janna frowned, sad that her buddy was so let down. "Thanks anyways, Janna…"

"Wait!" She said as he left the house, but he didn't stop. Janna shook her phone angrily, and Glossaryck popped up on the screen, once again thoroughly immersed in Gem Blasters.

"Glossaryck!" She said, annoyed. "You said this would work!"

Glossaryck paused his game and looked up from inside the screen. "It will, princess! Now is there something else you needed, or can I please finished my game _undisturbed?"_

Janna groaned and slid the phone back into her pocket, but it was too late - Marco was already gone.

* * *

The first thing Marco noticed when he woke up was how good he felt.

It wasn't just in contrast to the night before - not only had every ache and pain in his body melted away, he was brimming with energy like he was about to run a marathon!

"Wo-hoah, I feel gr-" _Splat._

The second thing he noticed was his new tentacle arm.

His scream rang out for nearly two blocks.

He caught his breath and started to scream again before the arm slapped him across the face. That brought him back to Earth. The problem being, though, he hadn't exactly wanted to slap himself.

"Um…"

SLAP.

"OW!" Marco shouted, and he heard thundering footsteps as his parents raced upstairs. His door flew open.

"Mijo, are you… oh." His father stopped mid-sentence upon making eye contact with the arm. Something about seeing his parents' reaction brought Marco back down to reality. If he thought about it, this was pretty much par for the course, considering that he'd been stupid enough to let Janna cast a spell on him.

He made eye contact with his dad, his face utterly devoid of emotion. "Yep."

His parents slowly backed out of the room and closed the door.

"Welp," Marco stretched as he got out of bed. "I guess I'd better get you to - woAAAH!"

He winced as he braced himself to hit the floor, having slipped on a loose bit of training equipment beside his bed. But the impact never came.

Opening his eyes, he instead saw that the tentacle arm was holding him parallel to the ground, about three inches from the floor.

"Woah… oof!" The tentacle then promptly dropped him.

With his face against the floor, he made a prediction: "this is gonna be a long day…"

* * *

His initial qualms with the arm quickly wore off, when he discovered what it could _do._ It had taken him six failed tries to get out of the front door before he finally decided to stay home and call Janna over instead. Before then realizing that he didn't have his phone anymore.

He groaned in annoyance as he laid on his bed. His tournament was only another couple hours away, and every time he tried to leave the tentacle arm had pulled him back into the house. He had all but resigned himself to being condemned to his home for the rest of his life.

"There's got to be a way out!" He moaned as the arm flailed next to him.

Strangely enough, he thought he heard a response. _Fiiiiiiiight…_

He sat up. "Um... what?"

The room did not respond.

Standing up, Marco stepped up to the pile of boards he'd prepared last night, and took a deep breath.

"OK." He said. "Let's see if you can… HWAITCHA!"

He brought his monster arm down, like he imagined he would normally. Except, not. He heard a crack next to him, and looked over to see that his desk had been split clean in two. Marco, now thoroughly used to having his things destroyed, sighed. One more thing to repair later. He focused on the boards again.

"Alright… HIIIIYA!"

This time there was a dull thump, and a cloud of cotton dust emerged as the arm came down directly behind him, destroying his mattress. There was a dull crack as the bedframe soon gave way, spilling to the floor.

Marco groaned in annoyance. That one was going to be a pain to try and fix.

For the third time, he focused on the nearly foot-thick stack of boards. "Okay. Third time's a charm."

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "hhhhhHAAAAA!" He imagined himself bringing a fist down on the boards in front of him.

There was a smash, and Marco took a peek, expecting the arm to have punched a hole in the wall. To his surprise, the boards (and the cinder blocks holding them) had been completely reduced to rubble. Marco bent down and examined a shard. There was no denying it - he was impressed.

"Hey Marco - WOAH."

Marco was barely surprised to hear Janna's voice behind him when he turned to greet her. Once again, she'd snuck in through the window.

"I was coming to see if your arm was any better, but, um… wow." Janna was staring at the tentacle appreciatively. Almost… hungrily? "That is something."

Somewhere in the back of his mind, it occurred to Marco that he should've been more concerned about the state of his room (and his arm), but he just couldn't get over how _cool_ his new appendage was. "Pretty cool, right?"

Janna approached slowly. "Can I, um…" she reached out and lightly stroked it, then chuckled. "This is great."

Marco allowed it for a moment before stepping away. "Aaand this is weird. Ready to come watch me beat the snot out of Jeremy Birnbaum?"

"Oh yeah." Janna grinned evilly. "That little twerp won't know what hit him."

* * *

Upon entering the dojo with Marco, Janna was only mildly surprised to find that his rival was a 7th grader. She was hardly phased by the organizer allowing Marco into the tournament. As the two faced down on the mat, she was a little impressed by just how quickly everyone had seemed to accept Marco's new appendage.

Well, almost everyone.

"He's got a tentacle arm!" Jeremy shouted at the sensei. "That's no fair!"

The sensei shrugged. "I'll allow it."

Left with no alternative, Jeremy took to his corner of the ring.

"Round one!" The sensei yelled. He was holding a… boxing ring bell, for some reason?

 _Ding!_ "FIGHT!"

It was over in a flash. Marco's arm propelled him forward before Jeremy had a chance to react, and a flat-footed double kick sent him flying into the back wall.

"Point Diaz." The sensei announced.

 _Ding!_

 _Entrails…_ a voice echoed in Marco's head. He shook it off and attacked.

Jeremy, winded but prepared this time, had a moment to react. Shrimpy or not, he did have private lessons. They helped him survive for approximately three seconds, as he ducked around the monster arm's onslaught of attacks only to be once again knocked through the air by a rocketing punch from Marco's other hand.

"Point Diaz." The sensei announced again.

"Match point!"

 _Ding!_

It was over as soon as it started, the monster arm stretching and wrapping around Jeremy's waist before slamming him into the ground and leaving him utterly dazed.

"Match set! Marco Diaz wins!" The sensei called.

 _Excellent…_ a menacing voice echoed through Marco's skull. It was beyond what those little murmurs had been - this was a full mental echo, like someone had shouted into his ear. Marco stumbled and looked around, panicked.

As if out of a nightmare, the monster arm rose up above him, Jeremy still in his clutches. A mouth tore open along the forearm, lined with jagged teeth. It issued a command in an evil voice: " **Let's** _ **finish him!**_ _"_

Marco stumbled again as the crowd behind him gasped. Janna sat forward in her seat, horrified yet curious as to what was about to happen.

"What?" Marco asked it. "No! Jeremy's a jerk, but I don't want to kill him!"

" **Oh come on!** " The arm pleaded. " **Just a few bites!** "

"NO!" Marco shouted, totally bewildered. "Put him down!"

" **But I mean - look!** " The arm shook Jeremy thoroughly, holding him upside down like he was trying to shake out his lunch money. Instead, two golden knuckles fell out of his padded gloves and clattered to the floor.

The crowd gasped again at this revelation.

" **See, he's a cheater! Now let me have a bite!** "

Marco stared at the knuckles and felt his face heat up. "All this time…" he muttered. "All this time, I thought you were better than me."

Jeremy paled. "But you WEREN'T. You were _cheating!"_ The monster arm slammed Jeremy into the floor again and Marco had a malicious grin on his face. "Well how's it feel!"

"DIAZ!" The sensei finally intervened. He knew Jeremy was a jerk, but brat or not, he didn't like where this was going. "You won the match, now put him down! I don't want to have to disqualify you!"

Marco gave a last look at Jeremy before the monster arm released him onto the ground with a groan. "I don't… wha…?" He blinked as if coming back into his own body, and quickly ran for the exit. As he headed for the exit, the arm extended and plucked the first-place trophy from it's podium.

Janna stepped up quickly and followed her friend outside, where he quickly disappeared around the corner.

"Marco!" She called. She turned the corner to see him conversing quietly with the arm, which was frowning.

"-and we are _not_ eating anyone!" He finished as Janna came into earshot. The arm was smiling again.

Turning, Marco saw Janna and waved. "Sorry about that," he said casually. "Got a little carried away there."

Janna cautiously approached. Marco's mood swings were getting a little strange. "Um… yeah." She replied. "So are you okay, or…"

Marco smiled cruelly at Janna as he walked towards her. His monster arm wrapped around her shoulders possessively. It set her on edge - his eyes were slowly becoming the same color as his arm, the bags under his eyes were darkening, and his skin was slowly turning to a grey pallor. Something told her that Marco was definitely not in full control of himself. "C'mon," he said. His voice had just a tint of the monster arm's. "I feel fine. Yogurt's on you."

* * *

Sitting in a shop just outside the dojo (conveniently named "Ye Olde Yogurt Shoppe"), Marco scooped a few spoonfuls of yogurt into his mouth before the arm crushed the container and threw it over his shoulder. "Another!" He shouted.

Janna sighed and gestured to the confused counter attendant. The walls, normally decorated with axes, shields and other weird medieval memorabilia, had been thoroughly coated by Marco's yogurt cups. This was the fourth time this had happened.

"Marco," she said, "I'm all for this weird… arm thing, but you're acting pretty… unusual."

Marco smiled at her. "Oh yeah? Well, it's all thanks to you. After all, you gave me this bad boy! And I'm _never_ giving it up!" The attendant set another cup in front of him and he took another few spoonfuls. The monster arm inched towards it and he slapped it away. This stuff was too good to waste more of.

"Not if I can help it…" Janna muttered.

"What?" Marco asked.

"Nothing." Janna said. "I, uh, need to use the bathroom."

Marco shrugged. "Don't take too long. You're paying for all this!"

Keeping a neutral expression, Janna slipped into the ladies room and brought out her phone. Locking herself into a stall, she whispered: "Glossaryck!"

Normally, just saying his name got a punctual response. But this time, it seemed the little blue wizard was slow to the punch. He slowly slid into view as Janna scrolled through the book's pages, and looked up with heavy, salted bags under his eyes.

"Woah." Janna said, completely forgetting to whisper. "What happened to you?"

Glossaryck peeled his head up from the "surface" of the phone's image, still within the screen. "So… much… gem blasters..." he murmured.

Janna sighed. "You've got problems and we need to talk about them later," she said, "but right now I need a counterspell for that monster arm! It's kinda… messing with Marco."

"Monster arm?" Glossaryck looked her suspiciously. "Where did he get a monster… oh, now I remember." He was still slurring his words slightly. "You pronounced it _infestica_ didn't you."

Janna nodded. "Is that… not how it's pronounced?"

"Um… no." Glossaryck yawned enormously. "It's pronounced _investica_ … invest. Like, an investment of power? Ugh, every princess I've ever trained and they've always…"

He took a paused and looked up at the girl with a glare that clearly communicated an _I'm too tired for this._ "Just…" he flipped to a new page and his voice echoed out of his phone. "Use this. If you can catch him. You don't have a wand, so… I donno. I'm sure you'll figure it out. Let me sleep, please!"

Janna grunted and read over the counterspell. "Just no help at all…" she muttered. The spell looked simple enough. But Glossaryck was right, the arm would have to be contained for it to work. And she'd need some… blessed water?

"One step at a time…" Janna muttered. Her mind was already racing with the possibilities of how she would get Marco alone in a room with her. None of them were particularly appealing with his current personality defects in place.

Unfortunately, she never got the chance. She exited the stall (to the bewildered stares of a few concerned eavesdroppers) to hear a crash outside, followed by Marco's shout: "I ORDERED CHOCOLATE BANANA SWIRL!"

Janna raced back out into the restaurant, to find Marco's monster arm holding a very scared yogurt attendant by the ankles.

"I-I'm sorry!" The attendant stammered. "We were all out!"

The monster arm spoke for the second time, loud enough for the entire restaurant to hear. It's voice was like nails on a chalkboard to Janna's ears. " **He's a fool.** " It told Marco. " **Let's just eat him instead!** "

Marco had a twisted smile, and his irises were a wide, deep purple hue. His face looked… possessed. And Janna knew what demonic possession looked like.

"Marco!" She shouted desperately. He turned and his normal expression flickered, for just a moment.

"This isn't normal!" Janna shouted.

Marco paused and seemed to consider this for a moment. Throwing the attendant back behind the counter, the arm broke through the front window of the store and out into the street, and the pair swung up and into the distance.

Oh, jeez…" Janna reached for her phone and dialed for the police. As much as she hated to resort to this, there was just no way she was going to be able to catch Marco herself.

* * *

Not even two minutes out the door (or window, in this case) and the police were already after Marco. And for what? All he did was break a window. The people at the yogurt shop were the ones who didn't do their jobs! He was currently hiding behind a large dumpster after he lost them for the third time. Those cops were relentless!

Waiting for the cars to pass by, he peeked around the corner of the dumpster. He immediately pulled his head back in when he saw a group of four policeman searching the alleyway. Maybe they hadn't seen him?

"This is the police!" He heard over the sirens. "Come out with your hands up!"

Marco growled and used his tentacle arm to launch himself over the fence behind him. Once he was over, he began to swing through the alleyways. Thanks to the monster arm doing all the work for him, he hardly even broke a sweat.

He halted when he came across two more of the pests, and grinned. If these people wanted to pursue him so badly, he may as well have some fun with it. The arm propelled itself toward the two, carrying Marco with it.

After landing on one of the unsuspecting officers on the ground, essentially knocking him out, Marco turned his attention to the partner.

"Uh…" Was all the other one got out before the tentacle wrapped itself around his torso and violently threw him into the wall. With the two policemen effectively dispatched, Marco laughed. Janna was right, magic is fun!

* * *

Back at home, Janna was hard at work. Without the internet, finding a source of holy water could be quite difficult.

"Mom?" Janna called. "Do we have a phonebook?"

"Next to the TV, hun!" She heard her mom call back.

"Thanks!" Heading into the living room where her sister was, Janna began to search. When her Mom said it was by the TV, that probably meant it was somewhere buried in the living room somewhere near it.

"Dang it Janna, I can't see!" Complained Joleen, as she tried to lean to the side and regain view of the television.

"Just a second, I'm trying to find the phonebook." Janna replied, searching through a pile of clothes, DVDs, and other assorted junk.

"What's a phonebook?" The smaller sister asked with her mouth full. She had a bag of Cornritos sitting on the couch beside her.

"I don't know, I think it has a bunch of phone numbers or something like that." Truth be told, Janna had never used one herself. The name was pretty self-explanatory though.

"Huh" Was all Joleen bothered to say, as she continued to munch on her chips.

"Ugh, where is it?" Janna asked herself impatiently.

"Is that it?" Joleen pointed to the large yellow book that was sharing the coffee table with the TV, right where her mother said it was.

"... Oh. Thanks." Janna grabbed the book and ran into her room and tossed the book on her bed. That thing looked almost as ancient as her spellbook, and it was almost as big too. She'd have to check it out later to see if it had any ancient secrets.

"Holy water, holy water," She mumbled as she flipped through the pages. "Glossaryck, a little help?"

A small blue arm came out of her phone. His hand glowing blue, Glossaryck snapped his fingers and pulled his arm back in. Janna looked back toward the phonebook, and it had already turned to the page she needed. ' _I guess his name is Glossaryck for a reason._ ' She thought.

"Here we go," She sighed as she began to read the advertisement.

 _Are you tired of having to bring your water to some shady priest to get it blessed? Do you need some holy water quick and on the go, no questions asked? Well search no further! From the makers of pre-blessed food_ _, we bring you: Instant Blessing!_ _To get your water blessed without having to leave the comforts of your home, just call 1-800-BLESSME today! Our certified priests will bless your water straight over the phone in a matter of minutes, hassle free!_

"Is getting ahold of holy water really this easy?" Janna wondered aloud. She was going to have a long, heated talk with Horatio when he finally got back from Russia with her tiger blood.

* * *

"Is this the best this pathetic police force has to offer?!" Marco laughed as he flipped yet another cop car. "It's almost like your species _wants_ to be destroyed!"

By now, Marco's mind had almost completely merged with the monster arm's. At some point along the line he had stopped resisting it, chaos was just too fun! Of course he had refrained from hurting anybody _too_ bad, but he had definitely caused some damage. He looked around him and saw an empty intersection, save for a few upside-down cars and a couple fires.

"Come on, I know there are more of you out the-"

"F-Freeze!" A terrified officer yelled with his gun out, stepping out from behind a parked car, making the possessed Marco growl.

"Do you have _any_ idea how many times I've been INTERRUPTED TODAY?! He snarled, his tentacle arm throwing the car out of the way as he advanced. He was only met with silence. The monster arm wrapped around the petrified man and lifted him off the ground. "Too many times, that's how many! And I will _not_ allow anybody to interrupt me ANY MO-"

Marco felt a sharp pain run through his whole body as it locked up, causing him to release the policeman, and fall to the floor. One by one, multiple police officers began to pin his convulsing body down, along with his monster arm.

"W-What did you d-do to me? He asked angrily between spasms as the taser let up.

* * *

"Jeez Marco, they really got you in there tight, huh?" Janna asked outside of Marco's cell. His ankles and human wrist were locked onto a chair, while his monster arm was strapped to the table in front of him, constantly struggling to try and get free. If that wasn't enough, the metal table was bolted to the ground, and he was flanked by two armed guards.

"Just shut up and get me out of here." Marco grumbled.

"What was that? You want me to leave? Okay, see ya!" Janna told him as she stood up and walked towards the door.

"Wait Janna, I'm sorry!" He panicked. He hated being all cooped up like this when there was a town out there to destroy. "I meant, uh, could you please help me out of here?"

"Oh? That's what I thought." She replied smugly as she sat back down. "Now let's get that arm off you."

" **You'll do no such thing!** " The arm yelled, as it redoubled it's efforts to escape.

"So _that's_ why you're here," Marco spat. "You want to _separate_ us. I can't believe I wasted my one phone call on you."

" **Yes that's it, don't listen to her! The girl is just jealous!** " It tried, redoubling its efforts to get free.

"Well like it or not Marco, that thing's coming off." She told him. She knew he was under the influence of the arm, so his last statement didn't affect her much. Everyone in her family had mood swings. She was used to it.

"What? No!" He began to struggle as well. "Guards, get her out of here!"

One of the guards then walked toward the bars. He unlocked the gate and stepped out, intent on escorting her out of the room.

"Sorry ma'am, if he doesn't want you here then we can't let you stay." He said politely.

" _Motus Congelo!_ " She cried before he could close the gate. As soon as she finished those words, both guards' bodies were frozen in place, unable to move. Delighted that the spell actually worked, she smiled and stepped back into the cell with Marco.

" **NO! GET OUT!** " The arm screamed, terrified at what was about to happen.

"I have no idea if this will hurt, so bear with me." She told it while pulling out a spray bottle.

Marco glared at her in silence, knowing there was nothing he could do.

As Janna started spraying the holy water onto the arm, she prepared for it to scream, or lash out. It did neither. "Huh, guess it doesn't." _Or you can't actually bless water over a phone_ , She thought to herself. Frankly, she was just surprised someone had answered at all. It had sounded like the man on the other end of the line hadn't spoken to anyone in years.

" **Don't you dare, girl.** " It growled as she looked at the counter-spell on her phone.

"Seeya." She said before she recited the spell.

" _Acitsefni, Suinomed, Oisaeler!_ " She yelled with her hand pointed toward the arm. A purple light similar to the one before blasted the arm, and caused it to shrink back into a regular arm. Though disturbingly, instead of screaming, the arm began to laugh.

" **You'll never be rid of me, human!** " It yelled. **"I'll be back one day!"**

Janna smirked. "That's what the holy water is for."

" **Wait, wha-** " It started before disappearing with a faint 'pop,' leaving behind Marco's regular arm - more than small enough to slide out of the restraints that had it had been locked in.

Looking back up at him, Janna saw his eyes were back to normal. His skin was still pale and he generally still looked like death warmed over, but Marco was back in control.

"Janna?" He asked, clearly exhausted

"Yup, are you back?"

"Pretty sure, yeah." He sighed, then hissed. "Everything hurts!" Marco could remember everything that happened pretty clearly, and boy had he messed up. "Please tell me you won't be using any more body-modifying magic, that _sucked._ "

"No freaking way I'm doing that again," She immediately responded, making Marco give a sigh of relief. "Not for at _least_ another week."

Marco smiled awkwardly at what he dearly hoped was Janna's version of a joke.

The two sat in an awkward silence for a few seconds, before Marco spoke up again.

"So are you gonna help me out of here or what?"

* * *

 **And there's that! Hope you liked it. We sure had fun writing it. Speaking of which...**

 **Between me and SKL, we pounded out most of this chapter in two days. Round of applause for SKL in particular, who stayed up for almost six hours finishing it off last night. It definitely shows (he wrote most of everything from the dojo onwards). You the real MVP, bud. We were aiming to get it posted on Friday night, but... eh. Saturday morning is almost as good.**

 **Moving on, I want to thank you all for your continued support. Even a week after I post a new chapter, I still get pinged once in awhile saying someone else has faved the story, or commented, or faved me as an author, and I really genuinely appreciate it. This is far and away the most popular thing I've written on this site, and it's super flattering that so many people like it. Someday, I hope I can write or help animate a cartoon of my own. I wonder if it would look good to put this on a resume...**

 **What else... oh yes! Just gonna get this out of the way here: "Will there be a christmas episode?" Answer: Maybe, I guess? Myself and SKL don't currently have anything planned for it, but I might write something out that's Christmas themed if I get into the spirit. If I do, though, it WILL be posted as a separate story (not as a chapter to this one) and it'd probably be pretty short. So if you're interested in that, make sure you've faved me as an author, since otherwise you won't get a notification if I post it.**

 **As usual, feel free to post suggestions, I love reading them, and we do still have a couple of chapters coming that are based on them!**

 **Also, still need cover art. Really hoping somebody sees this and draws something cool. It'd make my day. Just a remake of the splash art for SVTFOE with Janna and Marco and Glossaryck instead of Star and Marco... I need it. In my life.**

 **Finally, comment response!**

 **DisneyDreamer123 Thanks! I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I'm actually surprised the reception for it was still so positive. Too many jump-cuts for me personally, but eh.**

 **jjmmmmmlol A gooey accidental love-spell episode? Man, were I to do that, it would compromise my artistic integrity! I PRIDE myself in building my relationships naturally! LOLJK. We don't have anything planned, but the actual show has Blood Moon Ball, I suppose I'm entitled to at least one episode dedicated to shipping them. Nothing so explicit as a love spell, but I'm sure at least a couple of the coming chapters will have enough shipping in them to satisfy.  
**

 **Guest Man, make an account, then I can reply to you personally. I don't know if I will, but jeez! Thanks for the positive feedback. Ludo and his monsters were definitely the strong point of the last chapter. He's kind of a mix between S1's incompetence and S2's ruthlessness. I like the balance we've struck, so far. RE: "Popularity War", we've got a pretty good idea of what the episode's gonna look like at this point, but we might throw in the idea as a little subtheme. Just got to be careful - there's already gonna be a lot going on, we don't want to overdo it.**

 _ **Next time on Janna Vs The Forces Of Evil:**_ **Errant magic is great and all, but how did the book even end up on Earth? Ludo's still convinced that it's there, and he isn't the only one that's after it. Can our dynamic duo stand up to the combined (and grossly incompetent) forces of Mewni? Tune in next week, for our next episode: The Tome Of The Ancients!  
**


	6. Chapter 6: The Tome Of The Ancients

**A/N: Welcome back, everyone. Long time no update. Happy new years! Here's to 2017 being marginally less of a dumpster fire than 2016 was. It's sure looking that way for me! A year of new beginnings.**

 **Life's been hectic, as usual, but I'm gonna try and get things back on track, over the next few weeks. Really enjoying writing this, and I'm glad you're all enjoying reading it. This chapter's a bit of something special. It's hard to do overarching plot progression correctly, but I think I've done well enough. As usual, big shoutout to SKL for helping me get this done. And as always, more notes at the bottom. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Janna, I'm not sure this is such a good idea..." Marco said hesitantly. They were standing in his room, Janna flipping through pages on her phone while he watched from his desk.

"Not a good idea?" Janna chuckled. "C'mon Marco. I have a magic book that can do pretty much anything you can think of."

"That's the problem," He groaned. "Almost every time you use that thing there's some kind of catch and something terrible happens."

"Not true. Remember when I fixed the TV in Skullnick's class?" Janna asked.

"It exploded when she turned it on," Marco reminded her.

"What about when I decided to help out the spirit club at the football game?"

"You… um…" Marco went a little red. Janna knew what she did. There had been far too much booty on the field that day. Approximately 8 times too much, to be precise. Attached to 6 cheerleaders.

"How about when I helped Brittany fix her hair?" Janna tried again.

"You lit her head on fire!" Marco shouted.

Janna chuckled again. "Oh yeah, now I remember. That was on purpose."

"And that was just last week!" Marco stared at her from his chair, arms crossed, unimpressed.

"Well then don't you want to learn more about it? Maybe you can help prevent all that _terrible stuff_." She tried, making quotation marks with her hands. "C'mon, just one spell, you won't regret it."

Janna _really_ wanted Marco to try using her book. Maybe then he could see how much fun it could be to have that kind of power in your hands.

"Okay fine, but _I_ get to choose the spell." He conceded. Secretly, he was excited to try it. As dangerous as he knew the spellbook was, he had to admit it really looked like fun. Maybe in the right hands, (definitely not Janna's) the thing could even do some good.

"Yeah yeah whatever, here." She quickly said, shoving her phone into Marco's chest. "Now right here is the alchemy section, and this is the summoning section. Ooh, and over here is-"

"Woah Janna, slow down, let me figure this out on my own." Marco chuckled at idea of Janna being this excited, and began to read.

Only he couldn't.

The text in front of him was complete gibberish. It didn't even look like any language he'd seen before. In fact, it didn't look like any language at all. There were no patterns or consistencies on the virtual pages, only complete nonsense. One section looked like a tangled ball of noodles. The next had a staircased design. Others were complete scribbles, ink blots or drawings of stars. None of it was readable.

"Come on, just pick one!" Janna chided.

"What is this?" Marco asked. "I can't read it, is it in some other language?"

"What are you talking about?" Janna replied, snatching the phone from his hands. "I don't remember seeing a Spanish section in there…"

"No it's not Spanish, I can read that remember?"

"Oh yeah, duh. Well I don't remember seeing any other languages in here," Janna said scrolling through the book. "I'm pretty sure it's all English, see?" She showed him the screen, and continued scrolling.

Marco squinted at the screen for a moment, as if that would change anything. He still couldn't find any trace of English, or any other language for that matter.

Slowly, it dawned on him. He handed the phone back and frowned. "Janna, are you pranking me? Low blow, dude."

Janna looked at him, now in complete confusion. "I _just convinced_ you to look, _Diaz._ " She said icily. "Why would I be pranking you? You can't read this? Here, look -"

She swiped left to a random page and made as if to read along with him, dragging her finger above the screen. "To summon a ostrich-faced turbocorn, first you have to -"

"That all looks like gibberish to me." He stated simply. "How the heck can you read that?"

"What are you talking about, I can read it just fine." She told him, resisting the urge to call out Glossaryck. She didn't want to bring him out for every little thing, he was probably getting tired of all her questions already. "Can you not? I swear that's all English."

Marco shrugged. "Guess not." Then he breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh well, I guess it's no use, so unless there's something else you want I'll just be -"

"Hold on, _safe kid._ " Janna teased. She grabbed the back of his hoodie as he walked towards the door. "Not so fast. You can still help me figure out which ones sound cool."

Marco groaned. "Fiiine!" He said. "But can we do it on the way to my dojo? I'm trying to earn my red belt, and my sensei won't tolerate tardiness!"

Janna shrugged. "Whatever."

"Great!" Marco said. "Let me just go change."

He walked out of his room for a moment before walking back in. "This is my room."

Janna grunted and walked towards the door, still tapping on her phone. "Whatever, Diaz. Not like I haven't seen you before…"

Marco slammed the door behind her and then shuddered when he realized that there was probably some truth to the statement. Checking the keyhole to make sure there wasn't any peeking, he started to look for his karate gi.

* * *

Down the street, a portal tore itself open and monsters began pouring through. Unlike the previous effort, there wasn't any marshaling by Ludo or orderly rank-and-file, they simply began pouring through and scattering down side-streets.

In the midst of them one one Yvgeny Bulgoyaboff (Buff Frog), with a book under his arm and a goal in his mind: to make it to his book club's meeting on time (for once).

* * *

The quiet creak of shackles and the cocky laughter of his pair of guards were the only sounds that kept King River from going completely crazy. Kept in the dark, in the cold without much more than a paper-thin blanket to keep him company and a platter of tasteless, odorless dirt to keep his stomach fed, in a small way he was grateful for the shackles that kept him suspended. Deprived of nearly all other sensory input, he may have gone mad in the dark if he hadn't been able to focus on them.

"...and this time, NO DISTRACTIONS!" He heard an echoing voice down the hallway, though it was almost too quiet to make out. Holding his breath so he could listen, River could hear a heated conversation accompanied by footsteps. They were getting closer.

"This time, we will find book." He could recognize the voice of his torturer anywhere - Buff Frog, the man with the endless supply of baby pictures.

"You'd better…" Came the other voice. "Or you'll all be losing your milkshake privileges for the next FIVE. YEARS!" The shrieking tone of Ludo was undeniable - as was his awkwardly small stature in the shadows. "Now come on…" he giggled. "We're so close to winning this war… I want to go gloat!"

The king quickly went limp against his chains as the duo approached him. He was never too great at faking sleep, but hopefully these two were busy (or dumb) enough to let his consciousness go unnoticed.

Unfortunately for him, they weren't.

"So, your _majesty_ ," Ludo spat. "How are you enjoying your stay at my lovely castle?" There was more than a hint of sarcasm in his voice as he smugly grinned at the imprisoned king.

"It's rather nice here, actually." River countered. He wouldn't give that little freak the satisfaction of seeing him crack. "I've read somewhere that the moss in here can do wonders for your skin. Could do with some corn though..."

Ludo frowned. This was by far River's favorite form of entertainment behind these bars. Ludo may have beaten him and chained him up here, but seeing that frustrated scowl every conversation they had was almost worth it all. Almost.

"Well I guess you'll have plenty of time to moisturize that dusty old skin of yours from now on." Ludo said as he began to walk away. Just before he disappeared from view, the tiny monster smirked and turned around again. "And don't worry about your little daughter, she will be joining you soon enough."

At that moment, River had to utilize every ounce of restraint in his body to keep from smashing (or at least attempting to smash) the cell open and strangling that little bird where he stood. He would not show any weakness.

* * *

River had been locked up here for far too long. He'd been mocked by Ludo's henchmen, malnourished, and had even been forced to watch slide shows of that frog-monster's family trip. By now, his whole body was in pain. His wrists hurt from being shackled up for so long, his arms hurt from being held above him, his legs and feet hurt from being forced to stand for too long, and his stomach hurt from a severe lack of corn.

And now, after a month of internment, the monsters had finally slipped up and assigned some too-sleepy guards to his cell. This was his moment! Ludo and most of his army was away, the next guard rotation shouldn't be for at least another hour, and he'd been preparing for this for days.

If there was one thing that River did know in his cell, it was his shackles. Every weak link and rusty pin was another weapon he could use against them. And so, being absolutely sure to be silent, he wriggled his way down from the wall without waking the guards.

He hadn't wanted to risk doing this previously; had the guards caught him and replaced his shackles with newer models, he may never have escaped. But now that they had incapacitated themselves…

Reaching out from within the square bars, River desperately grasped at the keys that hung from the belt of the monster sleeping on the table in front of the cell. He could barely see them, nothing more than a glint of dull brass in an otherwise dark room, but he could soon feel them brushing his fingertips.

Grunting and sputtering, it was with a sigh of relief that he finally got his hands around the ring. River, thoroughly overextended, sighed in relief and began to pull back.

The belt loop that they were being kept on didn't give easily, and River bared his teeth as he pulled harder. The monster was a big brute, a two-legged warthog-looking creature that he had spent most of his captivity directly avoiding making eye contact with. But his weight wasn't enough to hold him on the table, and as River pulled, he began to slide.

Cursing under his breath, River gave a few more resolute tugs before the thing fell to the floor, continuing to snore.

"Come… on… blast… you…" River growled as he pulled. Soon the warthog was pressed directly up against the bars as he tugged on the jeans, appendages trailing behind him while he slept.

With a final tear, the clothes gave way, though not in the way River expected. Rather than the loop coming loose of the pants, the fabric of the entire bottom gave way, ripping off with a tremendous noise and throwing River back into the back of his cell with the key.

He looked at the pair of pants and shrugged before quietly unlocking the cell and slipping past his pair of would-be captors. He left the pants behind as a parting gift. He spitefully hoped that the thing wearing them would have to go into battle without jeans, the next time it was called for.

He snuck up the corridors of the dungeon, which, he'd noticed, were remarkably similar to his own.

Similar, but not identical, he decided as he passed an alcove with the bust of a demon sitting within it.

Soon, the blinding light of a quarter-moon broke it's way through one of the barred windows - the first light that River had seen in weeks. He wondered if his men were being held somewhere else in the castle, but quickly dismissed the thought - whether they were or not, there were far too many monsters for the king to fight himself.

He approached the top of the stairwell and quickly hid to the side, watching the shadows of three figures flickering in the torchlight ahead. The king sucked in his gut and laid flat against the wall as the monsters passed him, not moving a hair until they were well down the stairway. As quick as he came, he was gone. He was out of Ludo's new castle, back into the wilds of Mewni.

He may not have been a royal by blood, but he was by marriage, and he knew how important the book was. His daughter was still out here, somewhere, and it burned him to know that he'd left his wife, still strung up in some other dungeon, behind him.

But for that to matter - for anything to matter - his daughter needed control over her wand. He needed the knowledge of the family's advisor.

He needed Glossaryck.

* * *

"So this is the place?" Asked Ludo, standing in front of the Echo Creek library. Beside him was Buff Frog, and behind him were the rest of his henchmen.

"Yes Ludo, I have been gathering intelligence here for weeks." The green monster replied. "Humans in Earth dimension are surprisingly openhanded with information."

"And you are _sure_ that the book is here?" He questioned angrily as they walked through the doors. Ludo inwardly swore that if this was just another waste of his time, he would take away everybody's vending machine privileges for a year. No, maybe that was too harsh. A few months maybe?

"Well… not exactly." Before Ludo could open his beak to yell, Buff Frog quickly continued. "But if there is anywhere to learn whereabouts of book, it is here."

"It'd better be, or so help me I'll-" Ludo started.

"Excuse me sir, can I find anything for you today?" The librarian politely interrupted from behind her desk. She was somehow undisturbed by the small army of monsters that just poured into the building. Who was she to judge?

"They are with me." Buff Frog told her, gesturing toward the group.

"Okay then, I'll be here if you need me." She responded, resuming here work.

"Wow, you're good at this!" Ludo complemented after giving a sigh of relief, impressed with the large monster's infiltrating skills.

"She does not suspect thing." He bragged, swelling with pride at his master's praise. He was practically one of the humans now, and was able to walk freely in and out of the place that stored their most precious knowledge.

"Go search." Buff Frog commanded the rest of the monsters as they entered the floor. "Ludo. There is someone that I would like you to meet."

Grumbling, Ludo followed his minion into the back of the library as the rest of the monsters dispersed among the shelves. Leading him to a small, clear area in the back, they came across a group of human teenagers. About a dozen or so, lounging in chairs or on floor pillows. And amidst them was Echo Creek's own Jackie Lynn Thomas.

"Yvgeny!" She said. "My monster bro!"

Buff Frog had a fondness for Jackie. He knew his name wasn't particularly easy to pronounce (or remember), and Jackie had been the only one that had bothered to learn it since he had been a tadpole.

Stepping towards him, they bumped fists and made a whooshing sound as they fluttered their fingers back.

"Secret code." Buff Frog muttered to Ludo behind a hand. "Very exclusive."

"Wow…" Ludo said, impressed by his top agent's resourcefulness.

"Who's this? Someone else for the book club?" Jackie asked towards Ludo.

"Oh, no, this is…"

"I am Ludo." The overlord smiled greasily. "I am here to find the source of ultimate magical knowledge, and take it for myself."

"Oh, you mean that book that Yvgeny's been looking for?" Jackie asked. "I mean, I didn't wanna say anything, I forgot, it's _totally_ embarrassing… but I think Janna has it."

Ludo's annoyance at having his plan previously known to some random Earth-human was immediately overshadowed by his excitement at this new lead.

"Janna?" He asked. "What's a… Janna?"

"My friend, Janna." Jackie explained. "Bout my height, black hair, kinda… mystic." She thought for a moment and pulled out her phone. "I can text her if you want."

"Please do…" Ludo grinned evilly. "Tell her, I'll be waiting outside." He looked back at the rest of the library. "MONSTERS!" He screamed. "WE'RE LEAVING!" He was abruptly greeted by a chorus of shushes from the other patrons, which he ignored. He snapped his fingers at Buff Frog. "Come on, you too!"

Buff Frog glanced apprehensively at the group and considered the book he carried with him. "Master, please, I have… obligation." He explained.

Ludo sighed. "Fine… I suppose you've done enough. Come find me if I need help!"

Yvgeny nodded earnestly as he sat down with the group. "So…" he began the discussion as the others gathered around. "I got to halfway. I especially liked the part…"

* * *

"This will be one of the most important missions of your lives, men." Back in his royal outfit, King River paced back and forth in front of a dozen or so of his remaining soldiers. Immediately after escaping the dungeon, he decided that it would be best to round up a band of his few remaining subordinates who weren't captured, wounded, or worse. If Ludo's monsters were with him, and he knew they were, then he would need a force of his own. "The royal spellbook book is on Earth, which means so is Glossaryck. If we are going to find her, then we are going to need his help."

The king stopped in the middle of the formation, and faced his men. "If we want to win this _war_ , we need Star." Pulling out his dimensional scissors, he cut a portal in the air. "And if we want to _survive_ , we must win the war." River raised his staff. "We will NOT return without Glossaryck!" He shouted, lowering it toward the portal.

With that, his men let out a bloodcurdling war cry and charged through. Once the last soldier passed him, the king joined the charge, quickly taking his place back at the front of the formation.

* * *

"No Janna, you of all people know how I get around her!" Marco argued. On their way to Janna's favorite diner from the dojo, the two were in the middle of a rather heated debate. "Besides, Jackie barely knows I exist! You two just go ahead, I'll see you tomorrow."

"And how do you-" Janna grabbed the collar of his shirt just as he tried to run away. "And how do you intend to fix that? By avoiding her like the plague?"

"I don't exactly _avoid_ her, I just... actively stay out of her way." He reasoned, causing Janna to roll her eyes.

"And the difference is?" She asked.

"Well If I were avoiding Jackie, I wouldn't know her birthday, would I?"

"So you're a stalker." Janna teased.

"What? No! I just… uh…"

"Hey Janna, you're here earlier than usual." Greeted a familiar voice.

"Hey, Jackie! Look who I brought." Janna chirped, once again grabbing Marco by the collar when he tried to sneak away.

"Oh cool, what's up Marco?" Jackie waved.

"Eh… w-well Janna, she uh.." Marco gulped. "H-hi." He had practiced talking to Jackie in the mirror quite often, but when the time came he could still never work up the courage to hold a decent conversation with her.

As entertaining as this was, Janna decided that it was about time to interject. She grabbed him by the arm and led him into the diner, causing Jackie to blink in confusion. Following the two in, they sat down at their usual table. The three sat in silence for a good twenty seconds before Janna decided to break the tension.

"So have you ever eaten here Marco?" Janna asked.

"No, can't say I have." Marco instantly replied, looking anywhere but at Jackie. "What's it called?"

"Barberry Bros. Diner." Jackie told him. "Me and Janna have been coming here since we were ten."

"Yeah," Janna added. "We saw a crime scene in here once, and I got to lay in the chalk line."

"Gross, you know there was a dead body there, right?" Jackie asked.

"You still think that's gross?" Janna laughed. "After that whole zombie thing?"

"A dead body is a dead body. Right Marco?" Jackie would have to be blind not to see how awkward Marco was feeling, it was written all over his face.

"By the way, some guys were looking for you." Jackie added to Janna.

"Oh yeah." Janna chuckled. "That sounds interesting. One of them didn't happen to be a 6 foot tall Russian bodybuilder, did he? He owes me some tiger blood."

"Um… no." Jackie raised an eyebrow. "There was a little bird guy. And a red guy with two heads. And a _really big_ guy with spikes for hands. And -"

At that precise moment, Janna's phone shook in her pocket. Not vibrated- _shook._ Janna took it out and placed it on the table, where Glossaryck peeled himself off the screen and floated up into the air.

Jackie looked at him incredulously. "You carry this guy around in your pocket?" She asked.

"That little bird." Glossaryck looked at her intently. "Was he with a frog? Did he have a skull on top of his head?"

"...yeah?" Jackie responded hesitantly as there was a commotion outside.

Glossaryck turned to Janna, stretching his hands to the sides of her face and pulling her in so her eyes were pressed against his. "Listen to me very carefully, princess. There are two ways this day can go. One ends with the monsters leaving. The other ends with the destruction of your species. _Do not let that monster see the book."_

A shriek came from outside. "I'VE FINALLY FOUND YOU!"

Glossaryck quickly sank back into the phone. "Hide me!"

Janna quickly stuffed the phone back into her pocket. Marco was peeking out the window from a prone position in their booth, and Jackie was still looking utterly bewildered. She looked at Janna. "Princess?"

* * *

Outside, Ludo had amassed his forces, short one very embarrassed Buff Frog, who had been sent home after failing to report that Jackie had left the library without texting Janna - due in large part to his book-club distraction.

"Come out, or I BLOW UP THE BUILDING!" He screamed. The occupants of the diner screamed and ran out through several exits, triggering a fire alarm which overwhelmed almost all other noise.

Marco, Jackie and Janna were last, all sporting inconspicuous "don't notice me" fashion choices, including Marco pulling his hood up, Janna leaving her hair around her face and Jackie carrying her board like a boombox to block her head.

"You three!" Ludo shouted at them, and they all paused before, without warning, running in three different directions.

"AFTER THEM!" Ludo screeched at his forces, who gave a roaring war cry before haphazardly sprinting after them.

* * *

From atop a neighboring roof, King River crouched with his eleven remaining men, watching the scene unfold below. The monsters had appeared in front of the diner, confronted the Earthlings, and then immediately chased after the three teenagers. He had no idea what was going on, but he knew one thing…

"If Ludo wants it, we won't let him have it!" He roared suddenly. The men around him gave a cry before jumping down onto the street below.

Outnumbered 2-to-1, with no royal magic to help them win the fight, no objective other than "beat up monsters" and no goal other than "don't get beaten up by monsters." River smiled to himself. That was _exactly_ the type of tactical thinking that was going to win them this war.

* * *

Ludo screamed in surprise as the first of the Mewnian soldiers fell onto him. Two-Eyed-Potato-Baby jumped in the way, tackling the armored Mewman to the ground and punching into his helmet. But more troops were soon to follow.

Before he knew it, Ludo was caught in the middle of a brawl. This wasn't the organized sieges of Mewni, or the chaotic battles of the Mewnian Cornfields - this was a good ol' fashioned (not that he'd know) Earthly Street Brawl.

"SHOCKWAVE OF UTTER DESTRUCTION!" He screamed, holding out his wand towards the still-advancing Mewnian soldier. The wand sparked and did nothing, just as the first soldier reached him.

Ludo knew this drill - more pain, more gain. He grinned evilly as he prepared himself for the blow, only to be greeted by a crunch of armor.

Spikeballs had intercepted, throwing his weight into a launched hook that sent the Mewman flying. "I've got you, boss!" He boomed. Across the clearing, the Mewman picked himself up from the crater he'd made in a wall, and shook his head to fight the dizziness. The others were dispersing, chasing after the other monsters that were chasing after the teenagers. This fight was going to be… interesting.

* * *

"We get as far as we can, and split up." Jackie kept her cool under pressure, and everyone at the table had understood what that blue genie had said to Janna. Jackie wasn't sure where she had somehow managed to hide that enormous spellbook, but she was the high-value target. Splitting up diverted attention, and would make it easier to get away.

And get away she had, jumping onto her board at the first opportunity and kickflipping through traffic, immediately beginning to outpace the monsters behind her.

Unfortunately, a pace that would've been more than a match for most humans wasn't quite enough for a species built to run. Behind her was a giant, beet-red "thing with teeth", loping along on two giant forearms while a smaller pair of back legs boosted it forward. Every trick she pulled or side-alley she dodged into, it was right behind, overturning dumpsters, jumping over cars, and, as she looked behind, even the occasional one-story building.

She set her stance and sped up, winding her way further and further into Downtown Echo Creek. The alleys were narrow, and going this fast was an insane proposition. Suffice to say, she was glad she was wearing a helmet.

* * *

Janna hadn't made quite as much distance as Jackie, but she had an advantage that the others didn't: a book full of _totally amazing_ spells and what was perhaps an overeager desire to try them out.

"Syrup hail! Rubber rubble explosion! Cream-cheese crater!"

Sure, those weren't _exactly_ the spells in the book, but they were close enough. She wished she'd had time to prepare for some of the more fun ones - as it was, these were just simple enough that Glossaryck had told her she wouldn't need a wand. Which was good, since she had no idea where she'd even _get_ a magic wand.

And they worked pretty well. She'd stood her ground against the back wall of an alleyway, against seven monsters of various types and disgustingness. A snap of her fingers, and suddenly syrupy rain was pelting down like bullets. The side of the alley had exploded into rubberized shrapnel, bouncing around among the monsters. The concrete beneath them suddenly became creamy quicksand, sucking the monster's feet in as they desperately tried to fend off the hail of ballistic-speed rubber and syrup.

Janna chuckled, climbing the building behind her and leaving the alley (and some very dazed, bruised monsters) behind her.

* * *

Marco had gone in the last direciton possible that wasn't "directly-into-Ludo's-monsters", and found himself surrounded on all sides by monsters. With no avenue of escape and a fight imminent, he struck up a karate stance.

"All right, you want a fight?" He goaded. "I've gotta warn you, I'm a green belt - with a stripe!"

The monsters charged, roaring, and Marco quickly disassembled their disorganized plan of attack. The red one with two heads was first, giving him the perfect foothold to get airborne, and leaving a solid kick into one of the heads behind, while he was at it.

He was airborne for just a moment, while the circle fully closed below him and the monsters all crashed into each other. Landing on the back of what appeared to be a sentient sunflower, he kicked it's head into the ground before turning and landing an uppercut on an oversized lobster. Then came the rats - four oversized rodents, jumping at him with a scream. They were met with a roundhouse, and sent flying.

A couple more strikes, and there wasn't anything left of his attackers but a battered, groaning pile of ouch.

* * *

King River's battle wasn't going nearly as smoothly. Ludo had kept his biggest, toughest monsters with him - a pair of brutes that were both nearly four times the king's height. One had spike balls on every appendage. The other had a massively oversized hulk arm, and a tiny undersized man-arm. Add to that half a dozen other monsters, and his men were totally outmatched.

As his sword was smacked out of his hand, he landed a punch with a mighty "HAAAAAH!" into the gut of the monster that did it, only to be greeted by the backside of one of his own armor-clad shoulders, flying through the air and striking him in his chest.

He took a look around: River might have been a warrior king, but his soldiers were not. The battle was decidedly turning in favor of Ludo.

"RETREAT!" He called. Over the rooftops of Echo Creek, he could hear the calls of spells that had once rang out in his own castle's corridors - but in a much lower voice. There was his target.

"FIND THOSE CHILDREN!" He shouted. His soldiers disengaged immediately (or at least, those still conscious did) and ran in formation towards the commotion.

"AFTER THEM!" Ludo screamed.

* * *

Marco and Janna met up quickly, the girl jumping down off a rooftop in front of her friend, nearly earning herself a punch to the face as Marco quickly realized who she was.

"Janna!" Marco shouted. "Don't do that!"

Janna grinned. "A little high strung, aren't we?"

"Are you SEEING THIS?" Marco shouted. The monsters were all out of view now that he'd disappeared down one of Echo Creek's many mazelike alleyways, but the fire alarm was still going off at the diner, a few buildings away, and there were sirens blaring in the distance. "This is crazy!"

"Heh. Yeah. Pretty cool, right?" Janna was still smiling. "I was wondering when I'd get to _test_ some of these spells.

Marco was at a loss, instead simply turning and walking off. They'd found themselves on the sidewalk of a major avenue, deserted of traffic but still easily recognizable. "I'm going home." He said. "Ditch that book! It's bad news!"

Janna frowned and ran after him. "Hey, wait up!" There was a decidedly different tint in her voice. Enough to get Marco to stop.

"What now?" He asked.

"Listen, those monsters back there…" Janna stood awkwardly next to him, looking almost self-conscious. A decidedly different aura than the cockiness she'd had up until that point. "They knew who I was. They want the book. I think… my family is gonna be in the middle of it. Can you come home with me? To make sure they're safe?"

Marco looked at the girl, decidedly befuddled. This was the third or fourth time he'd seen her this way - suddenly bashful as soon as she realized that she had any emotions outside of her comfort zone. He couldn't understand it.

As he opened his mouth to respond, though, a voice from down the street caught their attention. "Guys, uh, a little help!"

Jackie was skateboarding towards them at breakneck speed, only barely outpacing the monster behind her - a giant, alien-looking creature with a mouth for a face, barely a five feet behind her despite them both moving at well over 20 MPH.

Jackie streaked past in a blur of sea-green, and Janna readied a spell before realizing that Marco had literally jumped into action. "Rubber road -"

Leaping off of a parked car, Marco frontflipped into an outstretched kick, which he planted straight on the top of the monster's head, slamming it into a skidding stop on the pavement. "HYYYYEAH!"

The monster let out a whimpering whine like a dog, before it picked itself back up and sprinted back towards the diner, defeated.

There was a moment of silence before Jackie rolled up, picking up her board and catching her breath. "Woah. Sweet moves, Marco!"

Janna was standing still, mouth still open from when she'd been about to cast a spell. Instead, she heard herself quietly say, "can you teach me how to do that…"

"C'mon." Marco said. "Let's go save your family."

* * *

They arrived at the Ruso residence to find it in even more of a ransacked state than usual. A lack of beat-up-Kidyota in the driveway indicated that Janna's mom was at work. But her sister was unaccounted for.

"Joleen!" Janna shouted as they frantically ran into the house. The front door was hanging off of it's hinges, and the front room had been completely overturned. The sofa was upside down, stuffing hanging out of its discarded cushions, with the TV and it's stand faring little better. The kitchen, barely visable, was in a similar state of disarray.

"JANNA!" Joleen's voice screamed.

Janna, eyes wide and face pale, ran into the back of the house, Marco and Jackie in tow. She slammed open the door to Joleen's room, ready to murder anyone who'd so much as touched her little sister.

Only to find her standing in the center, completely unharmed, seething in anger. Her room was being summarily disassembled by Lobster Claws and Potato Baby, who quickly stopped and turned pale when they recognized who'd just interrupted them.

"These monsters came into my room and now they're DESTROYING MY STUFF!" Joleen shrieked at her sister. True enough, her bed had been utterly disassembled, her stuffed animals (of which she had many) lying on the floor, most oozing their fluffy guts, and judging from the contents of her dresser and bookshelves, the monsters had been about halfway through pulling everything out of them, when they'd interrupted.

Joleen stormed past Janna's party, still fuming. "Fix it!" She shouted. "I know it's your fault!"

Janna readied a spell as her sister headed towards the living room, and gave the monsters a warning.

"You guys want more?" She asked. "You have three seconds. One, two…"

The monsters made a mad dash for escape, breaking through Joleen's window and scurrying out into the yard before disappearing around the side of the house. Janna snorted. "Good riddance."

Then, from her room, came the high-pitched sound of her new enemy: Ludo, cackling in triumph.

"It's mine!" He shrieked in happiness. "Mine, mine, mine!"

The three ran down the hall and slammed open the door to find Janna's room in just as much of a mess as she'd left it the last time they'd been there. Apparently, it was already too destroyed for Ludo's monsters to find anything more to break. In the corner, Ludo was holding the enormous tome, grunting in exertion as he pushed it end over end while his monster escort watched.

"Don't-just-stand-there-you-fools-help-me!" He managed between grunts. The monsters moved to assist, no one having noticed the three humans in the doorway.

With a crash, Janna quickly remembered that there was one other thing in her room that wasn't - or at least, hadn't been - destroyed. River and the remaining six mewman soldiers burst in through the window.

"That book is ROYAL PROPERTY!" River roared. "I demand you turn it over, THIS INSTANT!"

"Oh." Ludo grinned. "Is that so. GET HIM!"

The four monsters carrying the book charged, but were met with the king's mighty fists. Without his larger bodyguards (who were, apparently, too big to fit into the house), Ludo was defenseless.

River advanced. "Give it here!"

Ludo gulped. "Never! Smoke Bomb Destruction Cloud!"

There was an explosion of yellow, putrid-smelling smoke, and a crash as Ludo used his wand to propel himself and the book directly through the back wall of Janna's room. Everyone within coughed and hacked as they made their way outside, after him.

Only to find that the two largest monsters were back - as well as several smaller forces, presumably having regained consciousness from Marco and Janna's last assault.

"We have what we came for." Ludo smiled. He produced a pair of scissors, cutting a hole in Earth's reality. "RETREAT!"

"Don't let him take that book!" River shouted. "CHAAARGE!"

With his forces at half strength, it was all him and his men could do to stay alive as the monsters engaged. Ludo had already passed through the portal, as had the book - the two largest monsters fought as the rest of his forces bid a retreat. More were emerging from around the neighborhood and disappearing into the portal. Overall, the battle lasted only a minute. The King and his tired soldiers were quickly forced back while the rest of the monsters retreated.

The portal closed with a "vwoop!" As the last monster vanished inside. River fell to his knees, defeated. The soldiers closed ranks as Janna, Marco and Jackie approached.

"You." He said tonelessly. "Why did you have the book?"

Janna shrugged. "I dunno. Found it, I guess."

River sighed. "It doesn't matter now. Nothing does." His last soldiers were battered and bruised. Half of them had been taken hostage. He had no weapons, and the book had been his last chance. Among it all, his daughter was still out there somewhere, and he didn't know _what_ he'd be able to say or do to bring her back to him.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that your highness." A familiar voice floated up from behind Janna.

River's head shot up. That sarcastic voice was familiar. Strikingly so. But Ludo had the book, so how was he…

Glossaryck floated around from Janna's shoulders, placing a hand on the king's torn royal outfit.

"Glossaryck!" The king spluttered. "But how?!"

Glossaryck smiled. "Why, the ingenuity of young Janna, of course!" He smiled. "Don't worry about that old book - something tells me that it won't be any help to Ludo any time soon."

River wiped away a tear from his eye. "But… what can I do next? We've… lost."

Glossaryck shrugged. "These things tend to sort themselves out. Personally, I recommend treating your troops to a hot meal. They look like they've been through a lot. Why not try a hotel? Earth has some lovely ones."

River sighed. "As useless as ever," he grunted with a half smile. "But, I suppose I did come for your advice."

He stood up once again, noticing for the first time how many of his men were struggling to even stay on their feet, and wondering when was the last time any of them had enjoyed a warm meal. "Very well." He addressed his men. "If Glossaryck says we need not worry, I'll believe him. For now, we shall be guests… on Earth. To Hotel!"

His men gave a halfhearted battle cry, and River offered his shoulder to one as they hobbled off.

"What was that all about?" Janna asked as the king and his troops slowly disappeared from around the corner. Jackie and Marco, similarly, were totally lost.

"Oh, just an old friend." Glossaryck said lightly. "You did good. But, hey, let's keep your copy of the book a secret for now, okay?"

Janna shrugged. "Sure. I wasn't really gonna tell anyone anyway."

"Good, good." He smiled, nodded at Marco and gave Jackie a distasteful glance before sinking back into Janna's pocket. "Let me know if you want help repairing the house." He offered, before he disappeared.

Turning around, they surveyed the damage. Monster tracks had torn up what had already been a torn-up lawn. The front door was hanging by one hinge. Two shattered windows, some utterly destroyed furniture, and a Ludo-sized hole in the wall of Janna's room.

Yup.

There was some work to do.

* * *

"Blank? It's BLANK?!" Ludo screamed at the top of his lungs as he sat in his castle. His office was at the top of the highest tower, up a spiraling staircase that had taken three monsters almost twenty minutes to carry the book up. Those three monsters were now cowering in a corner, still out of breath.

The book sat in front of him, open, every page within as blank and empty as they day the book had first been bound. Ludo's eyes glowed, and his wand did as well. "BLANK. BLANK BLANK BLANK BLANK BLAAAANK." His voice lowered to a deep pitch as the magic took over, the monsters scrambling back down the stairs in terror.

The explosion at the top of the tower could be seen for miles around.

When Ludo came to his senses, the room around him was utterly destroyed, but for his desk, the items on it, the book, and himself. He looked around, more than a little pleased at the destruction he'd caused.

Unfortunately, it had not caused the book in front of him to suddenly reveal it's secrets.

Seething, he cast an eye at the screens on the corner of his desk. Each one was a live video feed from the combo air-conditioner-slash-security-cameras (courtesy of the As Seen On TV Store), that he'd place around the castle. He fixed his eyes on the one that held a feed of Moon Butterfly, former queen of Mewni. She was strung up in (brand new) shackles in her own cell, sleeping.

He smiled. Time for plan B. As he stared at the monitor, he mused.

"This doesn't change a thing."

* * *

 **Notes, notes, notes!**

 **First, I want to donate out a shoutout to Martyrex, A.K.A. Marco Hanenbergh, for featuring this story in one of his videos. He writes, illustrates and releases videos that discuss _good_ fan content, in the hopes of helping to dull the terrible (but occasionally deserved) stigma that surrounds fanfiction, OCs and fan content these days. He had a lot of praise for my story, and I appreciate that. If you're like me and enjoy actual, good fan content that stays true to the medium, check out the and his channel: bit(.ly)/2iMKsOb**

 **You rock, dude.**

 **Second, a couple of comments that were too juicy not to address:**

 **Guest (sorta): "Do you ship Janco?"**

 **I ship everyone with everything. I once shipped a sentient cat with a box of dry pasta.**

 **Cross177: "What's up with Star?"**

 **This is gonna be a hot topic towards the end of this first season. Rest assured, she will show up, but she's not on Earth yet.**

 **Restless Collector: "I like dis + I have ideas"**

 **Thanks for the feedback dude! Really glad you liked the take on Monster Arm. I'm a little concerned that I'm toeing the line for what's Disney-dark and what's bad-fanfic dark, so it's nice to know that Monster Arm wasn't too jarring. As for your idea, that's a pretty cool concept. I'm just not really sure if/when she's going to end up with a pair of scissors to get to Quest Buy. I think there'll be more cross-dimensional emphasis in Season 2, and I definitely want to do that idea, so keep an eye out for it. It'll show up eventually.**

 **Speaking of dark, I actually moved the first River scene FORWARD in this chapter, because I didn't want to cold-open with something so depressing. Gotta be careful with that. Oh well, I think this next chapter will be a little more lighthearted.**

 _ **Next Time On Janna Vs the Forces of Evil:**_ **Janna might be chill, but she isn't the coolest girl in school. After a hard burn from Brittney Wong leaves her feeling bad about herself, she decides that it's time for a little _personal_ application of her magic book. A couple spells later and the former sorceress is stealing Wong's popularity, flirting with Marco, and wearing... pink? And what's this about the school being on fire? Tune in next week for the next episode: Punk To Preppy!  
**


	7. Intermission: Janna and Marco Go Bowling

**A/N: Hey, everyone! This is just a quick "intermission" between chapters - a little lighthearted short between characters. Sometime during the last chapter I wanted to write a warmup, and thought "how about bowling?" and then it turned into this thing. It was written solely by me, and I didn't really edit it all that super-well, but I think it's a fun little skit regardless.**

 **Next episode is on track for next Friday!**

* * *

"And I'm telling _you,_ there's no way _your magic_ can beat good ol' fashioned human skill." Marco told Janna.

Sitting on his newly-repaired bed, Janna was spinning in circles in his desk chair while browsing her phone.

"Pssh, whatever Diaz. You haven't seen some of these spells." Janna retorted.

"I bet I could kick your butt, even if you had a monster arm!" Marco boasted.

Janna snorted. "Yeah right. You think you can go up against my magic? Bring it on."

"Time and place?" Marco asked.

"Hmm…" Janna thought for a moment. The challenge would need to be something that they were utterly worthless at - something that neither of them had even thought about doing before.

"How about… bowling?" She asked.

Marco grinned. "You're on."

* * *

It had all started with an innocent remark about the monster arm fiasco. Janna had made a point that Marco had been a lot more powerful with the arm - one that Marco refuted, insisting that it had been his skill, enhanced by the arm, that had made him such an impressive adversary.

Now, as the two laced up their bowling shoes and prepared to bowl for the first time in their lives, they were both questioning why they'd let the argument get so out of hand in the first place.

Of course, neither of them were about to back down.

Marco stepped up first, ready to bowl his heart out, and prove to Janna once and for all that skill meant something. Or... something. Well, he was about to bowl, that was for sure.

Observing the other bowlers in the other lanes, Marco stepped up, and imitated the sweeping motion perfectly. The ball felt heavy in his hands. As it left his fingers, it swept down the lane, making a beautiful arc, just like the others around him… which rapidly turned into a straight line.

The ball hit the gutter with a thud, and rolled down the lane.

Janna snickered. "Human skill, huh?"

Marco went a little red. "That was just a warmup!" He responded quickly. "The real game starts… right… now!"

Once again, he imitated the sweeping motion, once again the ball left his hand and once again, it swept down the lane.

He did a little better this time. He managed to nail a fair 5 of the pins. He stood up, now a bit more pleased.

"Not bad!"

"Yeah, not good either." Janna snorted.

Stepping towards the lane as the pins reset, she formed her hands into a circle and focused on her ball. "Levitus incorpus!"

The ball floated up in front of her in a fixed position, magically suspended. Marco raised an eyebrow. That felt a _little_ like cheating. But hey. He'd agreed to it. She'd do what she'd do.

Stepping towards the lanes, Janna hovered the ball as far towards the end of the lane as she could - about 10 feet. Then, she released her magic.

The ball dropped to the lane with a harsh bang, then slowly rolled into the gutter. It then inched its way down the lane, before plopping reluctantly into the darkness beyond.

Marco, silent during this whole ordeal, could no longer restrain himself. "Wow. Really looks like that magic's working out for you!"

Janna shrugged and smiled easily. "Hey, still the whole game ahead of us, Diaz."

Picking up the ball once it returned, this time she took to the lane at a sprint, releasing the magic at the last possible second and launching the ball down to the pins. The ball knocked every pin over - a perfect strike, or spare, in this case, but an alarm blared as it was revealed that she'd stepped over the boundary line. No points.

"Man, Janna!" Marco couldn't help but grin at the girl as he stood up. "Might as well just give up now!"

"Just wait, Diaz." Janna retorted. "I'll beat you yet."

* * *

The rest of the game proceeded in much the same fashion - Marco pillouetting his way to a mediocre score, while Janna tried various spells to get the ball to go where she wanted it to. She gave up the levitation spell quickly - there just wasn't enough room to get the ball moving fast enough. Next there was an acceleration spell (the ball mounted the gutter and slammed into the neighboring pins), she tried setting it on fire (luckily, the hardwood lanes were heavily waxed), making it ultra-light (it bounced off), and ultra-heavy (she barely managed to throw it), all with varying measures of failure.

Finally, it was the final frame. The score was tied, neck-and-neck - 87 to 87. Marco focused in as he lined up the shot. Once again mimicking that graceful arc of his fellow bowlers, he managed, for the only time that game, a perfect strike.

Behind him, the small crowd that had formed to watch Janna's spellcraft gave a set of appreciative "oooh"s and some light applause.

"Hah!" Marco grinned. "Beat that!"

Janna stood up. "Gladly."

Stepping forward, she knew she'd need something special for this last throw. Anything less than perfect, and she was done for. So, placing the ball on the ground in front of her, she began to chant.

"Perfectus rovalus, redantus corralus, bowlingus performus, _perfectus, perfectus, perfectus_!" On the floor in front of her, the bowling ball began to glow with energy. She moved towards it, body in a stance not dissimilar to something Marco would employ during karate practice, then punched the air in front of her. "Rocket-force bowling _strike!"_

The ball launched forward with the speed of a missile, sending the pins careening into the pit in the blink of an eye, before the ball crashed through the wall behind the contraption with a mighty crunch. Then another wall. Then another.

There was a sound of shattered glass, a car alarm began to shriek, and the two teenagers (along with everyone else in the bowling alley) bent down to look through the hole. The ball had finally come to rest, impacted in the side of a car in the parking lot, outside.

Janna gave only a moment's thought. "Run."

She and Marco both sprinted towards the exit, making it almost 10 feet before a pair of meaty hands grabbed both of them by the back of their jackets.

Lifting them up, a hefty giant of a bowling-alley manager leered between the two. "Now you two weren't gonna leave without paying for that…" he boomed as he looked between them. "Were ya?"

* * *

Marco had been assigned the glorious task of picking bubble gum off of the bottom side of every table in the bowling alley. Janna was sweeping, and polishing every flat surface she could find.

Sitting back to take a moment of rest, Janna paused in front of her friend.

"Sorry," they said in unison, then both gave a halfhearted smile to the other one.

"I don't even really care who's better, at this point." Marco sighed from exertion.

"Me neither."

"But you know what I did learn today?" he asked. Janna shrugged.

"Bowling stinks."

* * *

 **In case you didn't know, the maximum, "perfect" score when bowling is 300.**

 **Did you guys like this little short? Do you have any ideas for other ones? I think I'm going to do more of these to fill time, so if you have any fun ideas or one-liners that you want to see, but wouldn't be big enough to make into a full episode, let me know.**

 **Until next week!**


	8. Chapter 7: Punk To Preppy

**Another week, another chapter. And this one as long as they get! Don't get used to it. We're WAY over our self-imposed word limit. Have been for awhile. Back to normal-sized episodes next week!**

 **I have more notes, as usual, but they're at the bottom. This week: Janna gets fed up with Brittany's attitude, and decides to challenge her for the popularity throne. Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

It'd already been three days since the incident with Ludo and King River (who had since seemingly taken a semi-permanent residence in Echo Creek's finest three star hotel), and if there was one thing that Janna was sure of, it was that Marco was never again going to let her have a moment's peace about her book.

"But it's _dangerous!"_ Marco protested for the third time that morning. Every day before school (after his customary nod to Jackie, of course) ,every day during the passing periods, during study time in class, during lunch, after school - the same conversation, over and over again.

"Well _yeah._ " Janna replied as the two stood outside of his locker. Janna had long since started storing her things in his - not only was it more convenient, but when Skullnick asked her if she had a vial of distilled orphan tears in _her_ locker, she didn't even have to lie about it!

"Marco, c'mon." She quickly put in the combination and stuffed an extra book inside. "We've talked about this, like, twenty times now."

"So you admit it's dangerous." Marco stubbornly refused to yield.

Janna sighed, a long drawn-out gasp that became more and more of a growl as she let out some of her frustration. "Yes! Fine, Marco! It's dangerous! So what!" Slamming the locker shut in agitation, the two headed to lunch.

" _So_ , maybe you should _stop using it."_ Marco patronized. "Every time you open that book, it gets us in trouble. It already destroyed your _house!_ What happens if next time, I'm the one who gets hurt!"

Janna scoffed. "If it'd get you off of me…" she muttered.

Marco stopped and stared at her. "Not funny." He frowned.

Janna sighed, again. "I know. Sorry."

"He's right, you know." A voice from Janna's pocket drew both of their attentions, as Glossaryck rose into view. The students passing them in the hall spared a few odd glances. It wasn't really the weirdest thing that the academy had seen in the last few weeks.

"HAH!" Marco shouted triumphantly.

"Glossaryck?" Janna asked him. "You want me to stop using the book?"

"No," he said, "but you need to use it more _carefully_. Even Star -" Glossaryck paused. "Well, magic isn't a toy! Unless, hmm, you're me!" He spread his hands and an utterly normal-sized sandwich appeared between them, making it enormous by his standards. He quickly took a bite.

"See?" Marco said, relieved that his point had finally been made. "It's dangerous! We need to _get rid of -"_

"Nophf." Glossaryck interjected again. He swallowed his bite of sandwich in an enormous gulp before continuing. "And _you_ need to be _less_ careful."

Marco looked at him as confusion set in. Janna shot him a smug smirk. "Hah."

"The book was sent to Janna… well, she's able to use it." Glossaryck cryptically explained as he rose up and sat on the sandwich. "It's for a _reason._ Things aren't going to go back to the way they were. So how about instead of constantly interrupting my games by ranting about how unsafe it is, you let Janna use what she's been given, hmm?"

"But -" Marco tried to interject.

"Besides!" Glossaryck smiled. "I think I have a compromise that will suit both of you. Janna, I think it's time you began to learn how to _use_ the book."

"You mean you're gonna teach me?" Janna grinned, eager at this development.

Glossaryck nodded. "Yes. But! Later. For now, it's lunchtime. And me and this sandwich -" he patted the bread-rug beneath him "- have an appointment. Toodles!"

With that, he slid back into Janna's pocket.

* * *

"And why do _you_ have to be there?" Janna asked as the two walked into the cafeteria.

"Because you _asked_ me to help pick the spells." Marco said. "Remember, the last time we did this?"

Janna groaned in resentment of herself as she remembered that she had, in fact, promised as such when Marco had tried to read the book. Some deep part of her brain knew it was probably a good choice, but she was getting pretty thoroughly tired of the "safe-kid" mentality.

The two sat down for lunch, Marco pulling out a tupperware container and opening it to reveal a sandwich and assorted sides. "Fine," Janna said, reaching out to steal some food (as was customary for her). "But I get to pick them first."

Marco swatted her hand away and produced another container from his backpack. "You could make your own lunch, you know." He said as he passed it to her.

She opened it to reveal a meal identical to the one that he had sitting in front of himself. She smiled. She knew there was a reason she liked him.

As the two sat eating, like an unpleasant stench slowly wafting from the kitchens, a greasy drawl reached their ears. "Oh, the goth girl and the safe kid, eating lunch together. Finally figure out that nobody else would tolerate you?"

Marco ignored the insult, briefly tensing before returning to his food. Janna, however, turned to see Brittany Wong, resident rich-girl (and thus top of the social ladder) sneering at them. Behind her was the usual gaggle - cheerleaders, football players, general good-looking teenagers - all appearing vaguely uncomfortable as they tried not to make eye contact.

"You would know," Janna retorted coolly. "You teach the class on how to get people to tolerate you."

That earned a snicker from one of her followers, quickly silenced by Brittany's death-glare. She bought her friends - limo rides, free food, designer makeup - and nobody wanted to fall out with her over something inconsequential like this.

Brittany turned her attention to Marco. "You know, _safe kid_ " she said, "maybe you'd have more _real_ friends if you didn't hang out with such _losers._ "

Marco didn't react - not noticeably. Just kept eating. Except Janna heard a small sigh under his breath. That flared her temper.

"What is your problem?" She stormed up to Brittany, their noses only a few inches apart. It'd been awhile since she'd gotten this mad at something, but Brittany had apparently struck a chord she didn't know she had.

"My problem. Eh-HAH!" Brittany let out a fake laugh like a burping hiccough. "My _problem_ is that you're in the same _school."_

Janna growled and clenched her teeth. No use delving into that logic. Maybe a simpler approach. "You want me to light your hair on fire again?!" She threatened.

"Hah! Try it, tomgirl! My new shampoo's specially imported - flame retardant _with a shine!"_ She whipped her hair into Janna's face.

Recollecting the spell, Janna was a moment away from casting it when she looked back at Marco. He'd stopped eating, but he still wasn't watching. Unbidden, all his words of caution rose into her head - along with Glossaryck's warnings about misusing magic for non-sandwich purposes. So she simmered down.

Brittany scoffed. "Hah! That's what I thought. You know, if you dressed more sensibly and wore some makeup, people might even like you." Walking off, the rest of her troop walked past, still shuffling by with their heads turned away.

Holding herself back from tackling and strangling the other girl, Janna stormed out of the cafeteria. She could feel the rest of the cafeteria's eyes finally peeling away from her, and the dead silence of the room picked back up into the usual constant chatter. Marco, deliberately and slowly fastening his and Janna's lunches back into a mess-free state, stuffed the remaining food back into his bag and followed suit.

"How can you just sit and take that?" She asked Marco in the hall, her face just returning to it's normal, not-red state. "Why do you just let people walk all over you?"

"It's best not to let people like her get to you." He sighed, "If it wasn't her, it'd be somebody else. Not like it matters."

"That's pushover talk, Marco!" She groaned. "You can't honestly tell me you wouldn't like to see that harpy put in her place."

"I totally would, but what would that accomplish?" Janna rolled her eyes, preparing to tune out another one of Marco's speeches. "How many times have you gotten your revenge in the past couple of weeks? Do you really feel better after making her feel bad?"

"Well I did feel pretty great after she lost her hair..." She chuckled. Actually, how had it grown back so fast? She'd have to look into that later. "And when Mark drove over a puddle by her. Ooh! And when I-"

"Okay, I get it!" Marco interrupted.

"Look, all I'm trying to say is that revenge is underrated. You should try it sometime, maybe you'll actually enjoy yourself." Janna said. "And speaking of which, I think I have some planning to do."

Turning away, she left her companion and headed for the school exit. "So you're just gonna miss class?" Marco asked after her.

"Yep!" Janna called back. "See you tomorrow!"

* * *

"Princess, I'm, um… I must advise against this!" Glossaryck said apprehensively as Janna prepared her spell. They'd barely been home twenty minutes, Glossaryck reluctantly supplying her with the spell she'd requested, and he was having some pretty serious reservations.

"Don't call me that." Janna replied, continuing to pluck the golden hair from one of her sister's old plastic dolls.

"Sorry… Janna. What if this spell goes wrong? Remember what I said about messing around with magic?"

Janna paused for a moment before gathering the pile of fake hair before her and clumping it into a small circle on her desk. This wasn't spur-of-the-moment. This time, it was deliberate. "No. Brittany's been at it for too long. Time we took her down more than just a peg."

Glossaryck gulped apprehensively and continued to watch.

The now-hairless doll discarded, Janna spritzed a bit of her mom's borrowed perfume into the circle, and laid a pair of cheap silver earrings she'd found in the living room on the sides. Finally, the last touch: according to the book, a "color for inflection."

Rummaging around in her desk, she quickly pulled out an exceptionally old pink pen and scribbled onto a spare sheet of paper. Setting it in the center of the circle, she began her incantation.

The hair began to spark as she spoke… "Populus inum, lordus confoundus, prospus regalia persona!" The hair ignited quickly into a pink flame, engulfing the desk before a pink cloud explosion filled the room.

* * *

The next day, it had struck Marco just how little he actually talked to people besides Janna as he prepared himself for his customary Jackie nod.

He wondered what she'd been up to since the episode with Brittany, yesterday. She hadn't exactly been in the best of spirits. He hoped she hadn't done something drastic. Although it was Janna. She'd definitely done something drastic.

As Jackie skated past, Marco gave her his customary nod, only to find that for the first time since the impromptu tradition had developed - years ago -, she hadn't returned it. He turned and watched her pass, wondering frantically what he'd done to offend her, only to find that she was transfixed by a sight that was, in fact, worth missing a nod for.

Striding up the front steps of the school was someone that was definitely _not_ Janna. Sure, she had the dress, and the hair, and the face, but it _wasn't_ Janna.

For starters, there was no beanie. Her cropped hair was still there, but had turned into a golden blonde overnight. Her dress was utterly bizarre - the usual olive green overshirt had turned a bright pink, with the typically black underdress having transformed into a blinding white. Her khaki shirt was a similar shade of pink, and her boots were gone - replaced by a very school-friendly but nonetheless out-of-character set of heels.

There were mutters on all sides as she walked towards Marco, curious students all asking the same question: who was that girl, and why did she look so much like Janna Russo?

"Uh…" Marco found himself speechless as the girl in front of him struck a pose, a hand on her hip and a stare.

"Hey, Marco." That was a voice that he'd definitely never heard before. Still Janna's lower tone, but there was an edge to it that he couldn't quite identify. "You like it?"

"What… what did you _do?"_ Marco finally managed to get out.

"Popularity spell." She let out a very uncharacteristically girlish giggle. "What do you think?" She leaned in close. "Do I look _good?"_

Marco gulped, his face going red. Her breath smelled like fruit.

"Uhhhhhhh…" he stammered, trying to formulate a response.

The stench of perfume arose from behind him, and a familiar jeering voice rang out through the corridor. "Well, it looks like you took some of my advice after all!"

Marco, relieved at the distraction, turned to see Brittany Wong with her usual group, most of whom were currently gawking at Echo Creek's resident punk-turned-prep student.

"Well, my group's getting pretty full, so I just don't think I can take you on right now. Nice try, though. Maybe try for a better hairstyle next time, what _is_ this, last year?"

Janna strutted over to the popular girl, the group encircling them, cutting Marco out of view.

There was quiet for a moment, a slap followed by an indignant "OW!" and the group cheered.

"Come on, guys." Janna said from the center as the circle parted. "We've got class to get to." Behind her was a very flabbergasted Brittany, a red, palm-shaped mark on her cheek.

The group, remarkably, began to disperse, following Janna into the school.

"WAIT!" Brittany screeched. "If any of you go with her, you'll never ride in my limousine again!" She huffed.

That was a serious threat. Brittany-privileges were significant enough for people to want to hang around with her to begin with - they weren't something to discount.

Reluctantly, about half the group formed back up behind Brittany, while Janna headed inside. "Ha ha!" She laughed, fakely. "I guess money can't buy you everything!"

Marco and Jackie swapped glances as their friend disappeared from view. That was definitely… weird.

* * *

Marco was slightly relieved to arrive at the classroom. Brittney didn't share the same class, so tensions were somewhat bearable again. Half the crowd, however, had followed Janna into Skullnick's room. Most of them didn't even belong here.

"Man, yesterday's homework was _so_ hard, I couldn't get a thing done!" Janna complained, obviously faking to anybody who cared to notice. "Now I'm gonna get an F, unless I can get some help…"

Almost immediately people were opening their backpacks and shoving papers in her direction. Before long, everybody began fighting over who got to give Janna their homework. Marco looked toward Miss Skullnick, who was too busy filing her nails to care about the commotion.

"Woah woah, calm down everybody." She said with a wide grin. She was clearly enjoying this way too much. "I'll take all of your homework!"

With a cheer, papers started stacking onto her desk.

" _Since when does Janna care about her grades?"_ Marco thought, ignoring the worksheet in front of him. He sent a look toward Jackie, who was one of the few people in the room not crowding Janna's desk. She looked back at him, and held the same bewildered look on her face as he did. Their mutual best friend seemed like a completely different person.

Deciding to get to the bottom of it, Marco finally stood up and pushed his way into the middle of the crowd. As he got to the middle, the group had quieted down. Looking around, he noticed everybody staring at him. Not angrily, just surprised. Was his 'safe kid' reputation that bad? Now that he thought about it, he literally _never_ left his desk during class. With the exception of his hall monitor duty of course. Shaking off that thought, he grabbed Janna's arm, earning a gasp from the crowd.

"Janna, can I talk to you?" He asked her. She grinned at him and stood up, making the rest of the group go silent.

"Sure Marco, what's up?" She asked back, leaning in uncomfortably close.

"Can I talk to you in _private_?" He nodded toward the door, inciting another gasp. "It's important."

"Of _course_ you can Marco, lead the way." She linked her arm with his, causing him to freeze. His face growing beet-red only served to widen Janna's smirk even further. "Well c'mon, let's go."

"Y-yeah, right." He stammered, trying to snake his arm out of her grip. Not like she'd let him. She strutted out the door with Marco still attached to her arm, leaving everyone in the room slack-jawed.

"Uh, Skullnick!"

"Uh."

Marco took that as a sign that they had permission.

* * *

Once they were in the hallway and out of sight, Marco yanked his arm out of Janna's grip.

"Just what the heck was that?!" He whisper-yelled. He was (kind of) used to her invading his personal space, but this was a different somehow.

"What was what?" She asked, the grin never leaving her face.

"You know-" He started, gesturing toward their arms. "That!"

"Oh, the arm thing?" She giggled in a very very un-Janna like way. "What about it?"

"You can't just… ugh, nevermind." He stopped himself before he went any further and cut to the chase. "What's up with you today? What kind of spell did you use?"

"Uh-oh, you caught me." She said, putting her arms up. "How could you tell?"

"Janna I'd have to be stupid not to know you used magic, you're like a completely different person." Marco accused, getting more frustrated by the second. "You're starting to worry me."

"Aww, you do care." She teased. "Well don't worry. I'll be _just_ fine."

With that, she walked back into the classroom, leaving Marco to process this 'new Janna.' She wouldn't listen to a word he said! She was just flirting with him, which was cause enough for alarm. It was normal for her to tease him every once in awhile, but she was just... openly flirting! Marco let ought a sigh, and followed her back into the classroom. He had to talk some sense into her.

Upon entering the room, however, he was immediately pulled aside. Before he could even get a word out, he was being hit by a barrage of questions from almost every guy in the class.

"Woah dude, how'd you do that?"

"Marco, that was amazing!"

"What happened out there?"

"So are you guys going out or something?"

"Spill it, Diaz!"

Those were just a few of the things he was able to make out in the middle of the chaos. Justin had even whipped out a notebook, ready to scribble down whatever Marco said.

"Uh, w-well…" Marco stammered, his face once again glowing red. It didn't take a genius to know what these guys were thinking. "N-nothing happened, we were just-"

"Yeah right! I saw the way you guys linked arms!"

"C'mon Diaz, we're all guys here."

"You two were totally smooching, I can see it all over your face!"

Just as he was about to respond, the bell had rung. As fast as they had began assaulting him with questions and accusations, they shut up and ran to join Janna, each hoping to hold her things while she walked. There was no way he would be able to get in a word to her with all those people surrounding her.

* * *

The next morning at school, Marco was dreading the moment Janna stepped off the bus. Knowing her, she'd probably escalated whatever happened yesterday to ridiculous heights. Hopefully she wouldn't show up with a literal pound of makeup on her face, or in incredibly flashy clothes. When her bus came around the corner, Marco steeled himself and got ready to convince her to undo whatever spell she was using.

When Janna stepped off the bus, Marco was relieved to see that she hadn't blown things too far out of proportion. She was still just as bad as yesterday, but at least she didn't bring it any further. The only noticeable difference was that her newly blonde hair seemed to be a little longer, and her clothes were a slightly lighter shade of pink.

Deciding it was best to get to her now and beat the crowd, Marco jogged over to her side.

"Hey, Janna." He greeted awkwardly, not exactly sure how to talk to her anymore. Upon seeing him, that same odd grin as yesterday made it's way to her face.

"Oh hey Marco, what are you doing over here?" She asked, as if she didn't know what he was there for. "I thought we usually meet by your locker."

"Janna, we seriously need to talk." He told her as they were walking to the building.

"What do you mean, didn't we talk yesterday?" She asked, and tilted her head. Marco was sure she knew what he was talking about, but for some reason she refused to acknowledge it.

"Yeah, but you didn't listen to a single- Watch out!" Marco quickly shoved her out of the way of several incoming balloons. He was successful, but he was still wide open. Before he knew it, he was covered from head to toe in black paint. He had no way of knowing who threw them since all the balloons came from different directions. Marco did, however, see a scowling Brittney looking down on them from the top of the steps, before she turned around and walked to class.

"Hey, what the-" Janna yelled before she saw Marco. "Oh. Brittney?"

"Brittney." He nodded. Good thing he always kept a spare change of clothes in his backpack. "Anyways, we need to -"

"Oh, man, Janna, are you okay?!"

"Did any of it get on you?"

"Who does Brittany think she is?"

Janna was surrounded by her new mob of "friends" before Marco could even finish a sentence. She got swept away to class before Marco even had a chance to talk to her. The bell rang, just as he began pulling clothes out of his backpack. He grudgingly looked after the popular clique. "Great. Guess I'll… talk to you later."

* * *

Evidently Miss Skullnick had decided against allowing Janna's followers into class for a second day in a row, since, as Marco walked in, he was immediately confronted by a silent set of staring peers, and Skullnick's demanding voice: "DIAZ! Tardy! Take your seat!"

Marco had no response except to self-consciously wonder how much black paint was still smeared on his face. His hands still looked like they were fresh from a coal mine.

"Now then class, today we're going to finally finish our discussion on the Presidential term of Mr. Millard Fillmore…" Skullnick began. The class immediately became glassy-eyed, ready to zone out for yet another hour of Skullnick's dredged-up history lessons.

Sitting directly behind Marco, Janna quickly became bored of tapping on her phone. Glossaryck kept butting in on her games! So instead, she focused on the boy in front of her. By dragging her foot just right down the back of his chair, she could catch the lip of his pants beneath his sweatshirt. So that's what she did. Again. And again.

Marco began to tense, trying desperately to write down one word after another, keeping himself focused on schoolwork. And then he heard a girlish giggle behind him as a foot - this time without a shoe on it - began to creep up his hoodie.

"I need to go to the bathroom!" Marco suddenly interrupted, his face bright red. Skullnick spared him a glance as she paused her lecture.

"Whatever."

The class snickered.

Marco yanked Janna out of her chair as well, storming towards the door, while the class watched and laughed. He slammed it shut behind him.

As soon as they were outside, Janna pulled a maneuver that would've made Marco's sensei proud, pinning him against a set of wall lockers with a BANG, trapping him with her hands on either side.

"Wow, pulling me out of class? That's so unlike you Marco!" She grinned. "Guess I'm… rubbing off on you."

Marco's face was cherry-red, although she couldn't tell if it was from self-consciousness or anger. "Janna, what is _wrong_ with you?" He demanded. "The pink! The giggling! The… attitude! It's so - _look out!_ "

He once again tackled her to the side as more black-paint filled balloons spattered against the wall where they'd been standing a moment before.

Before either of them could react, a swarm of black-robed, hooded figures swarmed into the hall around them. "What the - ninjas!?" Marco exclaimed. He looked at Janna, who was currently pinned under him and still smiling mischievously. "What did you do now?"

Janna shrugged. "Iunno. You wanna stay like this all day, or…?"

Marco quickly rolled off of her and stood up. He struck a karate stance as he faced his new adversaries. "Well, I don't know who you guys are, but I should warn you - I'm a green belt. With a stripe."

Just before he could bounce forward into an attack, the head of the band showed her face. Brittany Wong stepped forward in a full general's attire, surprising virtually no one present.

"Tell your boyfriend to stand down!" She said in her usual stuffy drawl. "This is between you and me, goth girl!"

"Actually, I'm not her -" Marco was cut off by Janna as she stepped up defiantly. Marco couldn't help but notice as a bit of her normal personality shone through - even if it was the angry, vengeful part.

"What, can't handle it when someone else steals the spotlight, Brittany?" She asked.

"I rule this school!" Brittany huffed. "You can't just come in here and take it like this!"

"Sure I can." Janna smiled. "I guess there's some things money can't buy!"

Brittany stepped back. She still wasn't smiling (she never did), but there was a distinct air of satisfaction around her. "And there's some things it can. Like ninjas! Get her!"

The ninja group closed in, and Marco began to recognize some of their statures. There was the toned body of a swimmer. A football player. A cheerleader. All of the kids that had decided not to abandon Brittany. Somehow, this felt a little messed up. And at the front of the pack was a shorter, pudgier ninja, making absurd poses and "whoaaaaaa!" sounds beneath his mask.

"Hang on -" Marco fell out of his stance and back into a normal posture. " _Ferguson?"_

Ferguson pulled up his mask and winked. "Isn't this cool? Brittany's paying me and I get to be a ninja! Ninjas get all the chicks! Sorry about this, by the way. Nothing personal!" He slid his mask back down over his face, and readied another ink-bomb. Marco sighed. He didn't even know how to respond to that.

As the group circled closer, another voice echoed from down the hall. "Anti-Brittany Resistance Squadron! Deploy!"

Streaming in from empty classrooms and around corners was another set of students-turned-warriors - this one led by none other than Alfonzo. Janna's new fans were among them. They were wearing woodland camoflage and green tank-tops, and some of them had even painted their faces. They quickly formed ranks and pushed the ninjas back like a set of magnets. No contact, but nobody got too close, either.

"Uhhhhhh…." Marco's mouth hung open as he stood behind his newly-formed army, wondering what, exactly, was happening. Considering that there wasn't even magic involved, this time? This was weird even by Janna-level standards.

"Get Janna out of here!" Alfonzo commanded.

"We'll hold them off." Justin smiled.

"Thanks guys!" Janna smiled. Her voice had even started to change - losing it's usual husky tones and picking up a higher pitch.

"Get to the A/V club room!" Alfonzo yelled. Once Janna and Marco were behind the front lines, the formation began to split and spread out, revealing Oskar Greason of all people. All of the guerillas were holding makeshift weapons - dodgeballs, rubber-band slingshots, even the occasional football - but he just had his keytar. Painted in camo, of course. It didn't even look dry.

"Symphony of discord!" Alfonzo shouted, covering his ears. After a couple of seconds of nothing, he looked back. "I said _symphony of discord!"_

"Wait, what?" Oskar asked, confused as to what that meant.

"C'mon, do the thing." He said quietly, gesturing toward the keytar.

"Oh, right." He said as he began to play his instrument. A truly horrendous set of shrieks and wails echoed out of it, like nails on a chalkboard multiplied by a crying baby, with a slight undertone of pop music. Everyone in the hall except him, including the other resistance members, fell to their knees and clutched their ears.

Somewhere, Marco had the presence of mind to grab Janna and run.

As they rounded a corner, the sound stopped. Then the school bell rang, and true chaos engulfed the halls.

* * *

It was all Marco could do to swim against the tide of students that flooded the halls for passing periods, Janna behind him. All around them, fights began to break out as yet more of Brittany's black-clothed ninjas seemed to just appear - out of bathrooms, lockers, even vents - and were tackled and engaged by more resistance members. Ahead of them, the A/V club room was in sight. Normally little more than an unused classroom, someone had taped a piece of paper onto the door that read "Anti-Brittany Resistance - Secret HQ." It was flanked by two more camouflage-wearing students.

Marco and Janna ran inside and slammed the door behind them as the guards finally joined the tide of fighting that had followed them.

Inside, a projector was showing Brittany's X'ed out face against the whiteboard. A few more random students were inside, having their faces painted or leaning over a map of the school.

And against a far table, conferencing with his soldiers was a stout, familiar frame…

"King River?" the duo asked him incredulously.

He stood up. "HaHA!" He cried. "Janna, my girl!"

Janna grinned. "Right on."

Marco, for his part, was utterly confused. "But… why?"

"Why? Well, because you're our last hope, of course! You have the spellbook! You fought Ludo! So, well, we just thought we'd come along and… help out, and not a moment too soon!"

"Wait, hang on, what was that about -" Marco was once again cut off, as Janna greeted the king with a fist bump.

"I love it! It's about time that rich brat got put in her place. Where'd you get the uniforms?"

"Why, the costume department, of course!" River exclaimed.

"And the art club's helping with the face paint. A/V is coordinating. And the band managed to sneak some equipment out of the gym before Brittany took it over." A girl's muffled voice, probably the head of one of the aforementioned clubs, made it's way out of a stack of tank-tops that she was carrying in front of her face.

"Right-O!" River turned back to the table. "Now, that foul wench has taken up residence in the gym, here, and the athletics teams are on her side, but if we can make a push for the weight room…"

* * *

By the time the lunch bell rang, hardly anyone was paying attention. The teachers and staff, either oblivious or entirely uncaring, had simply decided to teach whether there were five kids in the classroom, or thirty. The halls were smeared with black paint, students trudging through the respective factions' territories, hauling supplies and gear. The popularity war would burn short and bright, recorded in school history for at least another two weeks - and it was coming to a close.

The word was passed around - a final showdown, on the astroturf of the football field, when the sun was highest in the sky.

Marco, for his part, smeared with paint of all kinds and sporting a few red welts from misfiring rubber-band guns, was looking for one person in particular. To avert this nightmare, he would have to face his own worst fear: he would have to have a conversation. Talk, in complete sentences, face-to-face with Janna's (other) best friend - Jackie Lynn Thomas.

After searching the A/V room thoroughly, Marco braced himself and opened the door to the hall, ready for an ambush at any moment. When the coast was clear, he resumed his search for Jackie. The fighting toned town ever since the "final battle" was announced, but there was still the occasional skirmish here and there. He'd checked the crowds of people twice already, and all the hallways too.

"C'mon Jackie, where are you?" He asked himself out loud, hoping he would somehow get an answer. The only places he hadn't checked were the classrooms, but they were empty due to the current "war."

And with that thought, Marco slapped himself on the forehead. If she wasn't part of the war, she was in class! Jackie kept her cool - she'd been one of the only faces he hadn't seen covered in paint or a hood, so far. Bolting over to Skullnick's room, he steeled himself to face Jackie. He had to do this before things got even further out of hand. Throwing the door open, he saw her sitting at her desk, working on the essay. There were exactly two other students in the room. Skullnick, it seemed, had taken an early day rather than attempt to control her class. She was nowhere to be found.

"Jackie!" He yelled from the doorway, breathing heavily.

"Oh hey, Marco!" When she looked up from her paper, the sight in front of her had her immediately concerned. Marco was covered in welts and bruises from various skirmishes, and had paint all over him. When Marco, the _safe kid_ looks like that, you knew something serious is going on. "What, uh… what happened to you?"

"That doesn't matter right now, Janna and Brittney are out of control!" Just as he said that, another fight roared down the hallway behind him. One of Brittney's ninjas was knocked into the room and fell flat on his back. Before either of them could say anything, he charged back out with a war cry. "See?"

" _Janna_ did this?!" She asked incredulously.

"Her and Brittney are at each other's throats!" He explained, his sense of urgency keeping him from feeling overly nervous at the moment.

"Janna. Did… this." Jackie repeated.

"Oh, it's all because of that _freaking_ book! I knew I should've taken it! Now she's in trouble, and it's my -"

"Woah." Jackie had stood up and stowed her things in her bag. She approached Marco and put a hand on his shoulder before quickly withdrawing it and wiping it on her shorts. "It's not your fault, dude!"

Marco let out a long and very tense sigh as he forced himself to relax. "Yeah. I guess it's not."

His crush was only a foot or two away from him. And talking to him - directly! Yet somehow, he couldn't muster up the emotional strength to be nervous.

"C'mon." Jackie grabbed her board from where it'd been stowed by the door. "Let's go find Janna."

* * *

The football field looked like some sort of student demonstration gone wrong.

In a single-file line all the way down the field, Janna's troops were lined up. Most of them were covered in black paint. All of them looked exhausted.

On the opposite side, Brittany's troops were similarly depleted - most of the black-robed ninjas were keeling over, practically passing out from the overhead sun. It might've been autumn, but it was still hot.

At the center of the field, Janna and Brittany faced off - both of them still immaculate. King River was standing at Janna's side. The two were squaring each other up, both of them waiting for the last of their troops to arrive. Waiting for a last battle to the… um, exhaustion? Concession? Frankly, no one was quite sure what was about to happen.

"Last chance, Brittany!" Janna called. "Stand down!"

"Hah!" Brittany sneered and whipped her hair. "As-if! Prepare to be annihilated!"

Just as the two prepared to give the order to attack, Marco and Jackie sprinted towards the lineup from a corner of the field.

"Waaait!" Marco shouted.

Janna turned, as did some of the soldiers. She grinned. "Great timing, Diaz! Let's pound Brittany into the dirt!"

Marco arrived, once again utterly out of breath, with Jackie close behind. "Wait - Janna - " he panted. "Don't - do - this - WHEW!" He collapsed, utterly spent. Spending over an hour running around the school had that effect. "I gotta start doing cardio!"

Jackie arrived, still more-or-less able to talk. "This isn't you, Janna!" She called in a warning tone, loud enough for the entire field to hear.

"Pssh. Whatever," Janna sneered. "This is _totally_ me. I've just gotta beat Brittany! And then _I'll_ be queen of the school!"

"Are you even - listening - to - yourself?!" Marco called, still panting. "Since when do you care about that!?"

"Since she's been a bully!" Janna shouted. "She's the _worst!_ She's constantly making fun of me - she's constantly picking on YOU!" Her voice had started to change back - from a high-pitched peppy girl's to her normal, husky tones. "You can't honestly say you don't want to beat her!"

"Not if it means becoming like her!" Marco shouted.

Jackie approached. "Janna, look at all this!" She spread her hands. "You two totally messed up the school!" The students all shifted uncomfortably. "For what? Some dumb popularity thing! Not cool."

Janna blinked. Jackie had taken her arm. "It's okay to be mad," she cocked a half smile. "It's okay to want revenge! But… not like this."

Janna looked around again. Her clothes and hair began to fade back - from their pinks, blondes and whites to their normal blacks, greens and tans. "I - um…"

"Hah! Enough of this!" Brittany shouted to her ranks. "Attack!"

"Actually, um…" Ferguson was next to her. He'd taken off his mask. None of the rest of the students had moved either. "This kinda… sucks. Can we take a break?"

"No! Attack them!" Brittany shrieked, utterly losing her cool.

"Pssh. Whatever." The ranks dispersed. Janna's, without her direction, followed suit. Even King River, seeing that the battle had more-or-less fallen apart in front of him, stepped away, grumbling about the lack of good fights on Earth.

"You can't do that! I PAID YOU!" Brittany shrieked. "I'm telling my dad!"

"Hey, Ferguson!" Marco, having caught his breath, also caught the attention of his buddy.

Janna and Jackie were walking off the field when they heard the shriek. Brittany, now covered head-to-toe in black ink, was screaming bloody murder. Marco's voice followed. "How's that for revenge, _Brittany!"_

* * *

"So, what did we learn?" Marco asked as the three headed for the busses.

"That revenge isn't everything," Janna sighed at the cliche.

"And?"

"And that I probably shouldn't use magic on... my face." Janna sighed at the restriction.

" _And?"_ Marco asked again.

"And that you get to pick the next spells…" Janna sighed for a third time.

Marco nodded, smugly. Around them, the school was still utterly coated in black paint and other minor damage from the "war."

"I gotta go - see you guys tomorrow!" Jackie called as she stepped onto her board and rode off.

"Huh. Seems like you got over your fear of talking to Jackie," Janna noted.

"I guess so. Turns out, having the entire school in danger makes it pretty easy!" Marco smiled, proud of himself.

"Yep. Welp, until tomorrow, _safe kid."_

Marco waved as the bus rounded the corner, and then looked down at himself - how the heck was he going to get all of this paint off?

* * *

 **And that's that. Longer chapter. Too long? Time will tell.**

 **First, a shoutout is in order: to the guest that can't seem to be bothered to create an account :P**

 **Nonetheless, you were responbile for this week's story, indirectly, by suggesting it. There were a lot of good ideas tossed around - enough that we could've easily turned this into it's own saga, if we really wanted to. But doing so wasn't really in the spirit of the fanfic, so some stuff had to be cut. As it was, we kept the Ferguson/Alfanzo dynamic but didn't really play on it much. The chapter was already too long. Oh well. Lessons for next time.**

 **Speaking of long chapters, this one is a bit extreme. It took us a lot longer to write, and although it was fun, it was also kind of a pain to try and account for everything. MYself and SKL were originally brainstorming, then outlining everything beforehand, but the brainstorm kinda turned into the outline, so now... it's long. We're going back to the old format starting now. Back to about 4,500-5,000 words next week, hopefully.**

 **(Update - 6/10/17 - hah. Yeah, that happened - Jason)**

 **Thank you for the positive responses and reviews to the last chapter!**

 **At "the Alias": Shhhhh. I know how bowling works. Totally. SSSHHHHHHHH.**

 **At OMAC001: SKL really liked this prompt, and mentioned that he might be doing it as a warm up at some point - another little short-story, that is. No promises, but we do like it. Fun fact: Ishkilthul, the demon from earlier in the AU, ended up actually taking the internet with him when he left with Marco's nacho recipe. Hence Jackie's new book club. People are bored as heck. So any attempt to restore it would be... interesting.**

 **As always, feel free to review! Make sure to Favorite and Follow myself and this story, so you don't miss the next chapter. This is the most positive response I've ever gotten to something I've written, and both myself and SKL surely appreciate it!**

 _ **NEXT TIME ON JVTFOE:**_ **Janna decides that it would be funny to play a bit of a prank on her bestie - an unsolvable riddle, left by a "mystery girl" inside his locker. But when Marco solves the unsolvable and worse, links it to Jackie, Janna's forced to keep stringing him along - or else risk hurting him. In her defense, it seemed like a good idea at the time! Tune in next week for the next episode: Goose Chase!**

 **(Yep, it's a Valentine's Day episode. But not in the way you think. This episode was already a little bit too ship-heavy for my tastes - can't be having that for too much longer. Incidentally, that episode _will_ be out around or before Valentine's day - I'm moving next weekend, so that's out. Until then!) **

**UPDATED 6/10/17 - minor edits and readability improvements.**


	9. Chapter 8: Goose Chase

**Hello everyone! Long time no see! Glad to be posting again! This episode was supposed to come out on Valentines day... we've actually had it more-or-less done since Valentine's day. Oops. Oh well. This chapter contains... plotting. Janna's kinda an ass, but I don't think it comes across as out of character.**

 **More notes at the bottom, and as usual, big thanks to SKL for helping write and edit, and... to readers like you!**

* * *

Another weekend, another quiet day in Echo Creek. No lights, sirens or even explosions, except for one neighborhood.

The house was ramshackle, technically standing but probably not to a contractor's definitions. The front door rattled and creaked outward as the building shook.

In the backyard, Marco and Janna were blown backward by yet another explosion. The scorch marks in the yard (and their clothes) indicated that this had not been the first one.

Janna gritted her teeth and growled as she stood up and dusted herself off. "Why is this so _difficult?!"_ She shouted.

"Well, come to think of it, everyone else who's ever attempted this spell had a wand, so…" Glossaryck thought aloud as he arose, yet again, from her pocket.

"And you didn't think to _tell me that?"_ Janna glared at him.

"Mm, well, in hindsight it was perhaps a better idea." Glossaryck mused. "Oh well! Think of this as a learning experience!"

"Glossaryck!" Marco shouted. "This is ridiculous! I'm tired of being blown up! Can't we practice something, I donno. Safer?"

"This is just a levitation spell, Marco!" Glossaryck chuckled. "Frankly, I have no idea why it's ... heh … exploding!"

At that moment, Janna took an opportunity to try again. "Corporeus levitus - _levatato!"_

Her hands were outstretched, at Glossaryck's instructions, into a picture frame-esque stature. In their center, rather than lifting the small rock she had been looking at, a small flash appeared, followed by another earthshaking _boom!_ as her spell exploded.

"...'tih _conviction!"_ As Marco's ears stopped ringing, Glossaryck's voice was the first thing he made out. He was on the ground again. He wasn't sure why he was even bothering to stand back up.

"Janna, can't we try something else?" Marco pleaded.

" _You_ picked this spell, Marco!" Janna rounded on him, frustrated.

Glossaryck nodded in agreement.

"Well, I didn't know it was going to _explode!"_ Marco shouted, throwing his hands up. "I'm going home! Enjoy your… explosions."

As he stormed out of the yard, Janna watched his backside, steaming. Glossaryck floated up next to her. "Shall we continue, Janna?"

She swatted him with her phone, causing him to retreat into the screen, and watched after Marco with a glare. "Not today. There are… things to do."

* * *

The next day, Marco approached the school hesitantly. The last time he'd left Janna unsupervised with magic, she'd nearly destroyed the school in a popularity contest. They'd had to hire three _more_ counselors just to deal with the PTSD - that was on top of the ones they'd hired to try and help deal with the whole "turned into zombies" thing that had happened, earlier in the month.

Luckily, today, everything seemed to be normal.

He approached his locker and pulled out his books for the day, wondering where Janna was, and his nod with Jackie went according to plan. Still no sign of the girl, though - and that was concerning, considering that they de facto shared a locker.

"She'd better not be messing with gravity again…" He mumbled. Last time she did that, she went overboard and almost created a mini black hole in the middle of his living room. Not cool. Before he shut the locker, he noticed a green folded up slip of paper tucked into the grate of the door. Opening it up, he began to read what it said. The note was plain, and the writing was only technically legibly printed. After a couple seconds of reading, his eyes widened and began frantically flitting back and forth across the page.

' _To my dearest crush, it is time I reveal myself to you. But prove yourself worthy, before I do. Though I am not a stalk, I stand tall and have beans. Though I am not family, you are related. Though I won't stay long, my presence is immediate. Find me.'_

Peeking around the corner of the hall, Janna almost failed to hold back a snort. That note should keep him busy for a while. All that incessant nagging was driving her insane, so she figured she could return the favor with an unsolvable riddle. There was no real answer to it, she just threw together a few unrelated rhymes and smart-sounding words.

"Janna, look at this!" Marco yelled, spotting her peeking. Wiping the smirk off her face, she composed herself and did her best to act surprised. He excitedly thrust her own note into her hand, which she looked at bemusedly.

"It's, uh… it's a note!" She attempted to muster up some false sense of excitement and failed utterly.

"It's a _love riddle!"_ Marco exclaimed. "From, get this, Jackie Lynn Thomas!"

"Uh…" Janna's mind flashed blank.

"She wants me to meet her at the Taco Shack! After school!" Marco said excitedly.

"Wait, what?" Janna had designed that riddle to be nonsense. Taking a second look, she realized that it definitely could be interpreted that way. The taco shack had a big taco on a pole, and Marco was Mexican. Gah! This was why she hated riddles.

"What makes you think it's Jackie?" Janna asked.

"Who else would it be?" Marco nearly shouted, grin a mile wide. "Jackie _loves_ Mexican food!"

"Everyone loves Mexican food, Marco." Janna was still mildly bewildered at this development. Leave it to Marco to solve an unsolvable riddle.

"Do you know what this means Janna? She actually likes me!" He grabbed her shoulders and shook her back and forth, resisting the urge to squeal like a fangirl.

"Yeah, heh heh…" She chuckled awkwardly and gulped, not having the heart to tell him otherwise. After a few more seconds of victory dancing, Marco took off down the hallway, dancing and cheerily greeting everybody in sight.

"I've gotta think of another riddle." Janna said blankly, before whipping out another slip of paper.

* * *

Even during one of Skullnick's most boring lectures, Marco was having trouble keeping a straight face. He was even having trouble following along, as he kept glancing toward Jackie whenever she wasn't looking. Could it really be her who wrote that letter? Who else could it have been?

While Marco was busy giggling in his seat, Janna was trying to brew up another riddle. She was doing her best to make it as unintelligible as possible, with no possible link to a certain skateboarding girl. She had to get this note to the Taco Shack before 3:30, when Marco was "scheduled" to meet with Jackie. That meant that she had to get out of class before the bell rung, because she knew that Marco would head straight there. Thinking quickly, she whispered a small spell under her breath.

" _Corporalis, pigmentium mutatio!"_ Even though she was whispering, her voice still somehow quietly echoed across the room. Marco's head immediately reeled toward Janna, knowing she had just cats a spell. He may have been semi-entranced by Jackie at the moment, but his inner safe kid just wouldn't let him ignore this.

"Miss Skullnick, I'm not feeling so hot…" Janna groaned, clutching her stomach. Her skin had begun turning pale, with a sickly twinge of green. "Can I *hurp* go to the nurse?"

Glancing up from her desk, the teacher grunted and waved her off. With that, Janna muttered a quick "thanks" and ran out of the room with her hand covering her mouth.

After exiting the classroom, Janna smirked. That was almost too easy. Who knew all it took to get out of class was some good acting and a little change in skin color? Of course Marco would scold her for it later, but who cares? He'd scold her for anything. With that thought, she took off toward the Taco shack.

* * *

She was out of the school only a few minutes before the bell rang behind her, and she only barely managed to get the note placed well enough (sitting upright against an umbrella) before Marco arrived.

"Janna, I heard you use that spell!" Marco immediately chastised as other students poured in. Taco Shack was a popular after-school destination, and Janna had to restrain herself from looking around for Jackie. If she showed up looking for a burrito, that would be… bad.

Janna shrugged. "I wanted to get here and wait for Jackie. Looks like you beat her here."

Marco nodded, before he spotted the note on the table behind her. It had his name on it, in Janna's same barely-legible cursive.

"Another riddle!" He shouted excitedly. Marco was the smart one as well as the safe one - this had essentially become the greatest game on Earth, to him. Unfolding it, he began to read it out loud.

 _Well done for solving my first riddle, but the next you still must find. Though I am solid, I am filled with holes. I have lanes, though I am not a road. Find me as the sun sets._

"It's the bowling alley." Marco said immediately. Janna's self-assured smirk dropped from her face as she let out a loud groan of frustration.

"What would POSSIBLY make you think it's the bowling alley?" She asked.

"Look at this!" Marco thrust the note at her. "Solid with holes. Like a bowling ball. Lanes, but no road. Like a _bowling alley!_ " He glared at her. "Why are you so determined not to let me have this? Jackie wants me to find her!" He still had a light tone in his voice.

"Because it's gibberish, Marco!" Janna exclaimed. She hated that she'd ever decided this was a good idea.

"No, it's not!" Marco shouted back, waving his arms around. "Jackie and I went bowling on a field trip in fourth grade! We were on the same team! It can't be a coincidence!"

"Uhhhh…" Janna stammered for a moment, trying to find a response to that slightly bizarre tidbit.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going home! I have a couple hours before sun sets, and unlike some people, I actually care about my appearance!" He glared at her before storming off, the note a ball in his hand.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?!" Janna shouted after him before groaning in frustration and pulling her beanie down around her head. Marco was the _worst!_ Why was she even doing this? So what if his heart was broken forever when Jackie didn't _actually_ show up. Would that be so bad?

She sighed. No, that wasn't right. It was supposed to be a prank. A way to embarrass him by giving him an unsolvable riddle, and maybe see the look on his face when he asked Jackie about it. Of course, there was no cause for him to just go and _assume_ it was Jackie. She couldn't stop now, he'd think he was stood up. She'd have to give him something too hard to solve.

She groaned in defeat and brought out her phone. Up rose Glossaryck, in his usual meditative stance. "Ah, Janna!" He said. "Ready to continue?"

"Not now, Glossaryck." Janna muttered as she started a brisk pace towards the bowling alley. "I need some advice."

"Hmm, well, the beanie is nice, but you might try a different hat every few days…" Glossaryck mused.

"Not about that!" Janna growled. "About Marco."

"Oh."

"I sorta… messed up." She admitted. "I was gonna prank him, but it went too far, and now I have to keep the gag going or else he'll find out that it's me that wrote the riddles, and -"

"Woahwoahwoah, kid." Glossaryck raised a hand. "Now, I'm not saying what you've done is wrong." As if sharing a secret, he whispered to her behind his hand: "yes I am" before resuming in a normal tone.

"I'm just saying that as a guide, I definitely _cannot_ interfere in relationships. It… uh… doesn't end well."

"What, you _really_ think Marco has a shot with Jackie?" Janna asked him, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Um… sure, let's go with that. Call me if you need a spell…!" He said as he descended back into her phone.

Janna rolled her eyes. "Great. Useless."

* * *

Arriving at the bowling alley, the sun was only just beginning to dip, although that extra time wasn't much of a help, since Janna's mind was still a blank white noise when it came to trying to think of another riddle. It couldn't just be cryptic and contradictory, she had to actually make sure there was no solution.

Behind the counter, the owner was glaring at her like a hawk while she paced back and forth, the normal attendant continuing to polish shoes with virtually no cares to give. It occurred to Janna that this was the same bowling alley that she and Marco had spent several weekdays restoring to spotless condition, after they'd blown a hole in the back of one of the lanes. Come to think of it, why had levitation been so much _easier_ back then?

Sighing, she found a napkin and began scribbling down ideas for riddles.

* * *

When Marco finally strolled into the bowling alley (wearing exactly the same red hoodie as ever, although evidently freshly showered), Janna had once again only barely finished setting up the note, enough so that Marco immediately rushed over and asked her what she was doing with it.

"Janna! Is that another note? Why are you following me?"

Janna shrugged and tried to play it aloof. "I, uh, wanted to find it for you?" She asked. "And I want to see if you can keep solving them?"

Marco snatched the note and stared at her suspiciously as he read the last clue.

 _The sun draws low, the time limit near. Come find me, in a place I hold dear. A fish that doesn't swim, stars on the floor, solve my last challenge and you'll be troubled no more._

"Fountain." Marco said after reading it. "At the park."

"Yeah, sure," Janna sighed as the inevitability of her situation crashed down onto her. That riddle had absolutely, inadvertently described the fountain at the park. It had a fish spout in the center of it, and people tossed pennies into the bottom. And Jackie skated by it. Every day. She had until they got to the park to find a solution, and she probably wasn't about to beat Marco there. She hit herself in the forehead. _Stupid!_

"Well, I think I've got a date to find." Marco said smugly. "Janna, I'll see you tomorrow."

With that, he strolled out of the alley. Janna, looking after him, reached for her phone, resigned. It was time to come clean, in a way you could only do over the phone.

* * *

Jackie was enjoying a late-afternoon session in front of her Gamestation when her phone buzzed beside her. Seeing that it was Janna, she picked up. They hadn't hung out nearly as much recently. It'd be good to talk to her.

"Jackie, I screwed up and I need you to meet Marco at the fish fountain at the park." Janna's voice came in a short burst, like she was just trying to get the words out as quickly as possible.

Jackie frowned and set her controller down as she sat up. "Woah. What? Janna. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, but, uh… can we talk? Meet me at Barberry Bros in 20 minutes."

"Um… sure, Janna!" Jackie replied as she looked towards her board and helmet in the corner. "I'll be there. Don't… do anything stupid?"

" _Ugggggh!_ It's too late for that!" Janna groaned and hung up with a click.

* * *

Jackie and Janna sat, secluded, in the corner of the diner, Janna with (at Jackie's insistence) with a slice of chocolate pie in front of her, untouched. That was how she knew it was serious. Janna _loved_ this place's chocolate pie.

"So, I kinda think I messed up pretty bad." Janna started, somewhat surprised at her own ability to remain so nonplussed about the whole thing.

"Um… okay?" Jackie helped herself to a forkful of Janna's pie. "Explain."

"Well, Marco's been bugging me pretty hard lately," Janna began, "so I thought, you know, I should prank him! And then I did. I left a note, in his locker, with a riddle that he couldn't solve. Except he did solve it, and he thought it was from you, and I felt pretty bad." She felt herself speeding up as the story spilled out, for the second time that day. She hoped Jackie would be more help than Glossaryck had been.

"So then I left him _another_ note, because he's _really_ good at solving riddles, and he solved that one too, and then I was in too deep, y'know?" She felt her voice rising a little bit as her face reddened. "So I left him a THIRD note and he solved THAT one and now he's at the park... waiting... for you."

She let out a groan and slammed her face into the table as the last words tumbled out, and Jackie reached out to awkwardly pat her shoulder before her head bounced back up. Perhaps she'd simply accepted the reality that she'd ruined one of the only friendships she had, but she was back to being normal.

"So anyway, that's where I'm at." She shrugged and took a bite of the pie. "Think you could help me out?"

Jackie frowned. "Janna, that's… wrong. Can't you just tell Marco?"

She paused with a fork of pie halfway to her mouth. "Um… no. Didn't you just hear what I said?"

Jackie groaned. "Fine! Then I'll tell him." She stepped up from the table, and was moving towards the door before Janna even had time to react.

"Jackiewaitno!" Janna suddenly lost her composure and desperately fell to the side of her booth seat, grasping at air. Jackie was out the door in seconds. Janna groaned again. This was the worst. She scrambled up and out after her, leaving the still mostly-uneaten pie slice behind her.

* * *

Marco checked his watch anxiously - seeing as he still didn't have a phone - and tapped his foot. He'd been sitting by the fountain for half an hour, and he was gradually losing hope. He'd gone over the riddle again and again in his head - this was the only solution. So why wasn't Jackie here?

"Hey, Marco." With the cool swish of well-balanced skateboard wheels, Jackie's voice pulled him out of his funk.

"Jackie!" Marco immediately fell off-balance, nearly falling into the fountain before Jackie caught an arm and pulled him back. He had a smile a mile wide. "You came!"

"Yeah, uh… can we talk?" Jackie asked apprehensively.

* * *

Elsewhere, Janna had found herself in the uncomfortable position of trying to negotiate thorn bushes and tree branches while wearing a skirt - a skirt that she questioned more and more every day. Finally, she was in position, and she peeked out of her hiding spot to find Jackie and Marco already sitting at the fountain, quietly talking. But it was a quiet night - she could hear every word.

"What were the three notes?" Jackie asked.

Marco pulled them out of his pocket, crumpled, and read.

"Well, we've got the Mexican food, which, I mean, who loves Mexican food? You do!" He began, "and the bowling alley, which we went to together in the fourth grade… and here! You skate by this fountain every day!"

Jackie shook her head. "Marco… I didn't write those notes."

"What, but… who did?" He blurted out immediately and looked around. "She should be here."

"They weren't… meant to be solved." Jackie explained. "But, listen, that stuff… it's kinda cute? But kinda… creepy."

Marco looked at her again, this time having no trouble making eye contact as all his energy drained out of him.

"Like… everyone likes Mexican food, Marco. And the bowling alley thing? I… honestly barely remembered that. And a lot of people go by this fountain, it's only, like, two blocks from school," she pointed out.

"But…" Marco managed to squeak. He held his arm up as if to point something out, and then it fell down, limp.

"Listen…" Jackie continued. "It's cool that you like me. And I think you're kinda neat. But if you want to do something, just… ask, y'know?"

"..." Marco's face was still frozen.

"I've… gotta go. But I think there's someone else you need to talk to." Jackie finished. "I'll… see you at school tomorrow, alright?"

With that, she stood up, and boarded off, trying not to think about exactly how unintentionally _terrible_ she'd probably just made Marco feel.

He stayed in silence for a minute, and then stood up and headed to a bench facing the fountain. Janna, deciding that he was only a little too close for comfort, decided that it was time for her to make an exit, but didn't have a chance.

"Janna!" Marco called, a sad tinge to his voice. "You can come out now. I know you're there!"

Sighing in resignation, she extracted herself from the bushes and trees, and walked over to where Marco was sitting. They sat in an awkward silence for a minute before Janna finally decided to break it.

"So… you probably hate me, huh." She asked, prepared for the worst. Full mental barriers up, divert all power to the emotional shields!

Marco shook his head. "I don't hate anybody. But… why?"

"Because you're just such a _nag!_ " Janna suddenly exploded. "It was just gonna be a prank, and it… went too far."

Marco looked at her. "You really think it's that bad?" He asked. "Because I can try and stop, and -"

"No, it's not that bad." Janna conceded. "It's annoying, but… it's part of why I like you." She smiled.

Marco stared at her, confused, and they shared another moment of awkward silence. "So… you don't want me to stop?" He asked.

"Nah," she shrugged. "Just don't expect me to stop messing with you about it."

To his surprise, she leaned in and gave him a hug before quickly sitting back up.

"So… want to get some dinner?" She asked, her face only a little red.

"Taco Shack did smell pretty good…" Marco admitted.

"I'll buy." Janna cocked another smile and held up his wallet.

"Janna!"

* * *

 **So yeah, there's that chapter. Did you like it? Hate it? Let me know!**

 **Before we go any further, I've gotten a couple questions about shipping. Like "BUT DO YOU SHIP JANCO?" specifically. To which I'll say... kinda?**

 **Look, I owe you all an explanation, so I'm not unintentionally leading anybody along. I ship _friends._ The reason Starco is so cute (and yes, I am _massive_ Starco trash) is because it's _fun_ to watch two best friends... be best friends. Will this end up being a Janco ending? I donno, maybe. I haven't planned that far ahead. But the real beauty of the world is in that maybe. I love that maybe. It's what powers any good ship. So stop asking. Or keep asking, Iunno. But that's my answer.**

 **Let's see, other stuff...**

 **Fun fact, this was written _before_ the levitation spell was actually in the show. I had to go back and fix it. It was originally a Levio _saaa_ reference. So that's interesting...**

 **Next episode should be out sooner than this gap, so that's cool... it'll be a lot longer, too. This chapter's a little short. Sorry bout that.  
**

 **Oh, and apparently Janna's last name isn't Russo, it's Ordonia? Exotic. But I like Russo better, TBH. So we're sticking with that. I took a shot in the dark and guessed she was Italian/Mediterranean, Ordonia is... from the Philippines? I like mine better.**

 **NRChris: I never give up! Rain or shine, I intend on two seasons, maybe three. The great thing about this series is that it keeps giving us new stuff to write about! Like, Heckapoo and the other members of the magic high commission are all characters now! And she's my favorite that's not Janna! And we _just got her!_ I mean, we haven't even introduced Tom or Star yet! But it's sweet that you care so much about the story. I appreciate it. Hopefully updates will come faster in the future.**

 **WootWoo: High praise indeed! Thank you very much. Someday, when I'm wealthy and powerful, I'd like to spend a four or five years writing and directing my own cartoon. It's a life goal. So I really appreciate that. As for Chris Angel, maybe? Could be kinda a cool idea for an episode. She used to think he was real, he turns out to be fake, and when she meets him, he _actually_ turns out to be real. Hm. I'll give it some thought.**

 **Guest: Would the changes have cemented? Yes, I think so. If not, it all would've been pointless. I think the real message I was trying to get across is "don't get caught up in yourself" y'know? So... yeah. Huh. Lots of great ideas though, I want to write them all! I won't. But they're all really cool ideas and they're all earning a spot on the brainstorm sheet. Appreciate the input!**

 **Evolvelove: Thank you for the praise! No Bonbon episode here... I wasn't the biggest fan. Would rather spend the time doing a better idea, y'know? Although a seance isn't out of the question... Hm. Will give it thought.**

 _ **Next Time On JVTFOE:**_ **War! Conflict! Janitor Duty! As Janna gets caught up in a monster war and Marco finds himself with an unexpected new mentor in her absence, we discover more about just what's going on, on Mewni... and Marco learns just how hard it is to change his own image. Will Janna beat up monsters? Will Marco finally shake the shackles of his safe-kid reputation? Iunno. Maybe. Tune in next week for the next episode: Custodial Combat!  
**


	10. Chapter 9: Custodial Combat - Part 1

**Hello, everyone! I'm back again with another chapter of this AU! This is a two-parter, because we had such a grand idea that it would be a huge chapter if it were just one part. It could actually be two chapters: Marco's plot, and Janna's, but eh. I like writing both. The second half is in the works - and if you feel like "man, that just cut off real suddenly!" than it's because it did, it's literally smack in the center of the chapter.**

 **More notes at the bottom, as usual. As always, thanks to SirKyleLenn for helping me. Enjoy.**

* * *

To be a surgeon, it usually takes over a decade to complete the base education requirements. You have to complete four years of undergraduate school, four years of medical school, and anywhere between three and ten years of training. Suffice to say, high-school student and resident "safe-kid" Marco Diaz was not qualified to perform advanced surgery in any context.

"Alright, just a little to the left, and…" Marco muttered, wiping his brow with his free hand as he was arm-deep in the subject. His sleeves were rolled up, and his lack of gloves ensured that he could feel every nook and cranny - every mushy bit of day-old food, every stray mote of skin. Lacking both the proper equipment and the experience, his situation was made that much more grim.

"Just a little further…" He could feel his fingertips brush against the obstruction. Now was the critical moment, one wrong move and it could be lost forever. Marco mentally prepared himself, as this next action would spell either the success, or the failure of the whole operation. He held his breath, and-

"What are you doing?" A voice right beside him asked. Luckily, he was able to keep his composure and-

"Are you fishing for the remote or something?" Janna asked as she leaned over to look, bumping his arm in the process. With that, said remote plummeted into the abyss. Taking in a deep breath, Marco reeled his arm out of the recliner, and turned to face her.

"I was." He stated blankly, giving up on ever seeing that remote again. "It's… gone forever." He was silent for a moment before finally addressing her. "Well, what do you want?"

"So you're not gonna ask me how I got in?" She frowned, clearly expecting a bigger reaction.

"Well considering that you break in here at least once a week, no." He replied in an almost bored fashion. "And can I have my keys back? I had to climb through the window again."

"Yeah, fine." She tossed him the keys and crossed her arms. It was obvious it was time for her to step up her game, judging by the lack of angry sputtering and rants. "You'd think you would have made a spare set by now though."

"I did, they're in your room." He smirked. "And you call me the creep."

"Oh I totally am, but the difference between you and me, Diaz, is that I don't try to hide it."

"But I… You… ugh." He scoffed and rolled his eyes, not having anything to swing back with. "What do you want?"

Her face changed from a smug grin to an excited smile as soon as he asked.

"Oh yeah, Marco, you gotta see this!" She said, digging through her pocket for her phone. "Check it out!"

"Oooh no, nuh-uh." Marco said right away, grabbing her arm. "Not in here, remember our agreement?"

"Yeah yeah. Any magic, intentionally destructive or otherwise, is not to be used within a one-block radius around your house." She recited, as if she'd had to many times before.

"That's right," He nodded. "If you want to show me your spells, we're doing it at your house, not mine."

* * *

Only a few minutes later, and they'd arrived in the space formerly known as Janna's backyard. To say it was a yard would be doing it too much credit. Barely meeting the parameters of a yard prior to Janna's spellcasting, one could imagine that it might've been _improved_ by the dozen or so craters that were now peppering it. It certainly improved the geography of the landscape.

"Alright, so stand there," Janna directed, "and check this out."

Marco took a step back behind the blast shield. It was knee-high, cobbled together from a seriously-rusted wheelbarrow, a destroyed lawnmower chassis and a couple spare plates of scrap metal, but, well… something was better than nothing, right?

"Alright, watch. Panzie." Janna snorted as Marco ducked his head and carefully peeked over the top of the barrier. " _Corpus Levitus - Levitato!"_

Her voice rang out, and Marco looked around for what she was levitating before he realized it was _her._ She was slowly floating off the ground… a few inches up. Then a foot. Then two feet. She spun towards Marco, doing a sort of aerial pirouette, and grinned. "Pretty cool right?"

"Woah…" Marco was speechless.

"But that's not all…" she turned out towards the yard and framed her hands, like she'd done the last time Marco had seen her practicing the levitation spell. " _Levarato!"_ Unlike her usual commands, this one boomed out, and the area in front of her shimmered before a new crater suddenly appeared. There wasn't an explosion - more like an invisible ball had just slammed into the ground. It threw up a dust cloud, which quickly engulfed the still-floating spellcaster.

"Janna!" Marco shouted. She turned, ready for some manufactured lecture on just how "unnecessarily dangerous" it was… only to see him standing up behind the barrier, in awe. "That was amazing!" He grinned.

"You ain't seen nothin', yet." Leaning forward, she began zooming around the yard, and shouting spells.

"Rubber rubble _extravaganza!"_ she called. As if on cue, rocks from around the yard bounced up with a life of their own, and flew off of everything - from the dented shed, to the mostly-destroyed fence posts, some of them flying up and off, into the rest of the neighborhood. Marco quickly took cover behind the barrier again.

"Stinging Dart Deathblast!" A rain of darts flew out from her outstretched hands, flinging themselves into the fence.

" _Incendio!"_ That was a real command, not just a manufactured spell. And it was obvious, as flames engulfed the entire backyard, rushing outwards in a blast of heat before subsiding. Aside from fresh scorch marks, she hadn't even set anything on fire.

Janna hovered herself back down in front of her friend, and he stood up to greet her. "How's that for practice, huh?"

Marco opened his mouth to respond, when there was a gruff throat-clearing noise beside them. Janna fell out of the air (only about a foot) to the ground as they spotted King River, with a severely singed beard that he was still patting out the flames in.

"Mhm, yes, very impressive!" He said jovially to the girl as he approached, patting out the last flames.

"King River!" Marco said in surprise. "I didn't know you were still… here!"

"Sorry about your beard." Janna halfheartedly apologized.

"Not to worry, not to worry!" The king responded happily. "In fact, that sort of thing is exactly why I need you, my dear!"

"You need… me?" She asked hesitantly.

"Well of course!" River exclaimed, before quieting down as if he were sharing a secret. "Between you and me, my men are outnumbered ten-to-one, and we could really use your help against those monsters that are after my hide!"

"Yes." Janna said without hesitation.

"So, what do you say?" River asked. "Fight some monsters, save a dimension? Us bipedal humanoid analogues have to stick together, after all!"

"Yes!" Janna restated her response again.

"Oh it'll be dangerous of course, but I can assure you, you have absolutely nothing to -"

"YES!" Janna shouted, interrupting him.

He chuckled happily. "Marvelous! We leave tomorrow afternoon! _To glory!"_ He shouted.

"Hm." Marco chimed in. "Well, is it a multi-day trip? Because we'll need some time off of school. We'll have to pack extra clothes… oh, and food! Will we need a tent? Because I've got a spare one that we could probably -"

"Hububub!" The king interrupted. "Mango, my boy -"

"Uh, it's Marco." Marco corrected.

"Right, erm, Marco. My boy… there is no easy way to say this, but where we're going is _dangerous_! The Forest of Certain Death is named that way for a reason! So, as much as I would like to have you along, I'm afraid this battle will be no place for a child such as yourself."

"But Janna's the same age as me!" Marco responded, annoyed. "I can handle it!"

"Ah, but she is a _magical_ child!" River beamed. "I'm afraid I can't in good conscience allow you to come. Far too dangerous."

He turned back to Janna. "My dear, we must set out at once! And by at once, I mean tomorrow, at the crack of three-thirty!" He went just a little cross-eyed as he exclaimed this.

Janna nodded. "Three-thirty."

"Onwards! To adventure! Three-thirty, tomorrow afternoon! _Tally ho!"_ River exclaimed, before he abruptly turned and left.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Marco confronted Janna. "Janna! You can't seriously want to go! You'll miss school! You'll be in danger! You're going to leave this dimension!"

Janna smirked. "Yeah, sounds fun, right? Too bad you can't come." Marco scowled, and she placed a hand on his shoulder and continued. "Look, real talk? _I_ think you'd be fine. But the King doesn't want you along, and I guess that means you can't come. I'll… bring you a souvenir or something, alright?"

Marco slumped over and she patted his shoulder sympathetically, before running into the house. "I've gotta pack!" She exclaimed. "Talk to you later!"

* * *

As the next day rolled around, Janna was ecstatic. She was going to be the first human… wait, was River a human? Anyway, the first _earthling_ to leave her dimention. While scientists were trying to figure out how to leave their solar system, she was going to hop into a whole other _dimension_! It was a shame she couldn't tell everybody about this, because she would be rubbing it in all their non-magic-believing faces. Starting with her sister.

Marco, on the other hand, wasn't quite so happy. You could even go as far as to say he was legitimately angry. Not angry at King River or Janna, not even angry at himself. He was just, well, mad. He was tired of constantly being looked down on by everybody. But on top of that, he was tired of the fact that people had a _reason_ to underestimate him. He was a safe kid, and it was about time to change that.

It was hard for Janna not to notice as they rode the bus to school. She did feel a little guilty for leaving without him, but this was just too good an opportunity to pass up!

"Look, Marco," Janna started. "I'll take pictures of everything I see out there. I know you want to come, but King River-"

"It's fine, Janna." He interrupted. "It's cool. Just… be careful, okay?" He crossed his arms and slumped over, scowling.

Janna frowned. It was most certainly _not cool._ But human relations was not exactly her area of expertise. She was still patting herself on the back for even noticing Marco was mad. She was drawing a total blank on what she could say to make him feel any better. So, she shrugged, and didn't say anything.

The rest of the day passed more-or-less uneventfully, until the final period, as she was heading home.

The front of the school was flooded with students, and she looked around for Marco, who had disappeared as soon as class had let out. She had a time to keep, and was hoping to say goodbye. But he was nowhere to be found, until…

"Attention, everyone!" A voice rang out from… directly above her? Swallowing down a small amount of dread about where Marco might've been, she looked up. And sure enough, there he was, on the edge of the roof.

Around her, the other students took notice as well, as one would while a student stood above your head and proclaimed his greatness.

"I, Marco Ubaldo Diaz, am about to prove _once and for all!_ That I am _not_ and never _have been_ a safe kid!"

He took a further step to the edge of the roof. There was a collective gasp from the crowd, and some girl screamed. The sound of somebody getting elbowed in the stomach echoed, and then a half-hearted: "Oh, wait, don't do it, you have so much to live for…"

Taking a deep bow, Marco overextended, and immediately toppled off. Janna gulped and held her breath, paralyzed, and someone screamed.

Marco fell in seemingly slow motion, and Janna's heart skipped a beat as he disappeared into the crowd… before bouncing back up and doing a graceful frontflip, and landing on his face in the grassy lawn of the school.

He put an arm out with a thumbs up, and the crowd dispersed, among mutterings of "well that was a ripoff…"

Janna ran over and kneeled down next to him. "Marco. Dude. What the heck were you thinking?" She looked back and saw the cheerleading team's trampoline, mounted at an angle. " _Why_ did you do that?"

Through a muffled mouthful of grass, Marco replied: "I'm _not_ a safe kid!"

Out of nowhere, Skullnick appeared. "Oh no, Marco has fallen." She said in a deadpan, uncaring voice. "The law requires that I care. Come along Diaz, to the principal's office." Taking his wrist, she dragged him along, flipping him over to be face up.

Janna watched, halfheartedly wishing she could go with him. Then she remembered once again that she had a time to keep with King River. She opened her mouth, took a step towards him, and then turned away. There was nothing for it, she'd just have to talk to him when she got back.

* * *

Marco sat outside the door to the principal's office, still stewing in his own anger. The _nerve_ of these people! He'd fought monsters! He'd helped Janna master her spellbook! He wasn't a safe kid! What the heck was a safe kid?!

"Well, well!" The principal opened the door to his office and looked out at the latino boy. "Marco 'safe kid' Diaz! I don't have a new exchange student for you, so what brings you to my office today?"

Marco glared at the principal and tapped his foot before bursting: "Imnotasafekid!"

The principal shook his head. "Oh, so that's what this is about! Come into my office and we'll talk about it."

The two took seats on opposite sides of the desk, and the principal adjusted his name plaque, reading a note that Skullnick left before continuing.

The principal continued. "Marco, I think you need _help._ And I'm not the one to give it to you! So what I'm going to do is schedule an appointment with one of our counsellors…"

He thumbed through his calendar on his desk, and tried to find a free date. "...in February! You're in luck, only five months away! Wait a minute…"

He took another glance at the calendar before clearing his throat. "Uh, nevermind, those are the premium slots. Looks like we're booked until May, unless you'd like to pay for an _advanced_ session."

Marco looked at the price, and sighed. "Can't I just take a detention or something?"

Principal Skeeves stroked his mustache with his finger and thumb, seemingly deep in thought. "Well you didn't exactly do anything _wrong_ , but I don't see why not. Detention can be very therapeutic at times, and I heard the janitor could use some help lately. So, how about it? Detention for the rest of the week?"

"Um… yeah, sure!" Marco replied. Safe kids didn't get detention. This would dispel those rumors!

"Excellent, then it's been a pleasure doing business with you!" Straining his tiny body to reach over the desk, he shook hands with Marco as if they were closing a business deal. "Now get out of my office."

* * *

Janna, for her part, had arrived in her backyard precisely when she intended to: twenty minutes late, with a backpack half-filled with supplies and clothes, and a hurried note to her family "explaining" where she went (a school field trip with Marco! For an undefined period of time! There was nothing suspicious about that, right?)

So she hadn't exactly prepared as well as she could've. But as a famous procrastinator once said, " _why do today what you can… well, I should probably finish that thought later."_

But she tapped her foot in annoyance as she realized that King River was later than she was! The nerve of some people, taking twenty minutes to arrive. She checked her phone, where Glossaryck was once again playing Jewel Quest and draining her battery power, and was just starting to wonder how Marco was doing when a portal tore open before her, and the royal ensemble piled out. River and his eleven-or-so men, all armed, armored and prepared for war.

"Janna, my girl!" The king greeted her. "So sorry we're late! Hope we haven't kept you waiting!"

"Uggggh." Janna groaned. "I've been here for _40 minutes_!" The king looked at her and frowned, before she chuckled and shook her head. "I'm messing with you. I've been here like, five minutes, tops."

"Ah, very well than!" The king pulled out a pair of scissors and cut the air in front of him, tearing open a new portal. "We're off! To adventure! _Tally ho!"_

Stepping through the portal, Janna prepared herself. River was a _king._ From another _dimension._ Hopefully, that meant there'd be more magic. Specifically, the dark, brooding kind. The kind that infested one's soul and drove them to madness. Sounded like a fun weekend, to her.

So, when she realized that they'd stepped out onto a grassy knoll that looked like it could've been anywhere on Earth, she was a little disappointed. Some rudamentry tents had been set up, presumably as a base of operations, but there were no dragons, no magic, not even a monster in sight. A jackrabbit scurried through the field at the edge of her vision.

"So, this is Mewni, huh?" She asked the king, trying (and failing) to act exciting.

"Yes indeed, my dear! Home, sweet home, with all of it's monsters, and wars, and smallpox…"

Janna shivered.

"Welp, anyway, I'm going to get to unpacking, so which tent is mine?"

"Oh, no my dear. This is only the first stop on our adventure! We're simply here to drop off my warriors! They'll be doing reconnaissance while we perform another, much more… personal mission."

"Personal?" Janna asked.

"Mm, yes," the king looked vaguely uncomfortable, and glanced around at his men. "I can't share all of the details with you here, but suffice to say, don't unpack just yet. We leave again tonight!" With that, he turned and began issuing orders to his men, leaving Janna with just a little bit too much time to wander off and get into trouble.

* * *

Back on Earth, the first day of Marco's counseling-d10 had begun, and he was annoyed to see that virtually nothing has changed. The other kids still walked around him like he was safe. They still talked around him like he was safe. And it occurred to him that maybe they didn't think he was actually that much of a safe kid. Maybe they just thought he was… normal? _Nah, that couldn't be it,_ he immediately thought to himself.

Walking up to the school's head janitor, Marco cleared his throat. "Hey, I was supposed to come report to you for my _detention_?" He puffed his chest out a little at that last word.

The janitor was wearing a blue suit, and had a thin, blond, squiggly mustache. It was pretty distracting to be honest. He had a skinny build and was slightly above average height. He was currently soaping up the school's notorious "fall hall."

Glancing over at Marco, the man simply nodded and continued his work.

"But I've gotta warn you," Marco continued. "I'm a little bit of a rebel. So don't expect much help. I've been known to… not play by the rules."

He popped the collar of his hoodie, only to realize that he didn't have a collar to pop. The janitor just shrugged and kept mopping. "Good for you." He responded quietly.

"Yeah," Marco pretend smirked. "So don't expect me to do any _work._ I'm Marco Diaz… bad kid!"

The Janitor sighed and set his mop back in the bucket for a moment. "Listen, kid, I know you. You're the safe kid. So stop trying to remake who you are."

Before Marco could respond, the bell rang, and students began rushing to their first class. In front of him, the Janitor's oh-so-carefully laid trap fell into place. One, then two, then three students slipped, slamming to the ground on their backs with a scream.

The Janitor held his blank expression and took out a notepad, where he set out three more tallies. The students, now slightly soapy, damp, aching and just a little uncomfortable, quickly slid their way through the trap, and into their respective classrooms.

Marco, watching all this silently, waited for the last of the doors to close before confronting his new overseer.

"Hey, that's dangerous!" he exclaimed. "The school could get sued or something!"

"Not a safe kid, huh?" The Janitor only replied, before gesturing to a rusted, small, and extremely hard-to-read "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that had been stuck inconspicuously between a pair of lockers. He gestured to a second mop, which Marco begrudgingly took to help him mop up the soapy mess of a hallway.

"So… why do you do that?" Marco asked. After all, he had an A in Psychology! The best way to fix something, was to solve the root of the problem.

"It's my way to unwind." Came the response.

"By hurting kids?!" Marco exclaimed again.

The Janitor stopped, and sighed heavily. He cast his arms up and down the hallway. "Safe kid, look upon my kingdom. Tell me what you see."

To student-Marco, it looked like a normal school hallway, just the same as it always was. But with the mop in his hands, to Janitor-Marco, it looked a little bit different.

Dirty footprints covered the hall. Trash was strewn about at the edges. It wasn't particularly clean by any stretch of the imagination. "Oh. But… isn't it your _job_ to clean?" He asked.

"Imagine if, every day, you were supposed to come into work, and set up a house of cards. And it was blown over. And you set it up again. And it was blown over again, but this time there's poop." The Janitor had not stopped mopping, but he also didn't look particularly perturbed.

"Oh." Marco resumed as well, and together they slowly began to create a clean patch on the floor, working outwards from their former soapy puddle. "So you just… mess with the students?"

"Yup."

"Oh."

There was a silence between them, and Marco allowed himself to drift off into his mopping duty, wondering how Janna was doing, and still a little annoyed that his safe-kid reputation had reached even the Janitor of all people.

"Marco."

Stirred from his reverie, Marco looked up, and focused on the hall. They'd been mopping for half an hour. It was spotless. "Huh." He smiled a bit, proud of his work. Then the bell rang, and students flooded the hall as they moved from Homeroom to their first elective. The tide of bodies parted around the two moppers as if they weren't there.

Before long, the students were back in classrooms, and the hall was once again a mess of dirty footprints and trash. Marco frowned, but the Janitor just sighed and set his mop aside. "Every day," he said flatly. "Come with me. We have other things to do."

* * *

With a rip and a tear, a portal opened up, and two figures stepped through. King River and his young magical companion, and as Janna looked around, she could only think that _this_ was more what she had in mind when she thought "otherdimensional."

The landscape before her was coated in purplish grey ash, with spires of obsidian jutting up, each one fifteen or more feet tall. Vents in the ground were letting out clouds of dark gas, which had completely obscured the sky above, forming a ceiling over the landscape. Here and there were hovels of different sorts - caves in the ground, ramshackle houses, and scattered about, the mansions of the dimension's wealthy, decorated with chrome and black.

And occasionally jutting up from the landscape were other monuments of progress - decrepit highways, and, strangely, polished chrome statues - everything from the likeness of monsters, to enormous engine blocks.

Janna took it all in. There was no other way to say it: "Woah. This place is _super_ metal."

River, next to her, nodded. "Mmm, yes. Can't stand the smell of it. Or the… occupants. Let's get moving."

As they walked, the denizens of the plane began to investigate them. As Janna shooed off clouds of tiny imps, over and over again, she finally understood why River had told her not to bring anything but her clothes, and why he'd even left his crown behind. They'd gone so far as to even take the buttons off of her sweater.

After a few minutes of extreme entertainment on Janna's part (this dimension was so _interesting!_ ), a fortress came into view over the hill. For lack of better description, she couldn't help but think it looked like someone had crossed a victorian mansion with a maximum-security prison. Guards patrolled the ten-foot-high walls, and stood watch in the towers that dotted them. Hellhounds were barking inside the courtyards, and Janna caught glimpses of what appeared to be, strangely, the most delicious looking garden she'd ever seen. River, keeping his eyes forward, managed to push her past it before she could catch a better look.

The demon attendant that had brought them in (a sickly looking, stooped satyr in a spotless butler's uniform) spoke up as they entered the lobby. "Please - baaah! - wait here."

Janna gave River a glance and looked around the room. The chandelier above was made out of skulls and bones. Chrome candlesticks with electric yellow bulbs lined the walls. The floor was a polished grey checkerboard, and she noticed that both of them were standing on what appeared to be a solid, completely invisible surface approximately half an inch above it.

"When she arrives, don't say anything," said River intensely. "I'll do the talking and hopefully, we'll be out of here in a few minutes."

Janna stared at him, having never seen him look so intense. At the end of the hall, a door opened, and the butler quickly returned to continue escorting them. "She will see you." He said.

They strode forward, towards a set of enormous double-doors at the end of the room. Monuments that would be better suited for a giant than anything Janna had ever seen. Blood-red wood, embossed with designs of pain and framed by more chrome. They slid open without a sound.

In front of them, a long avenue to a throne laid before them, which the butler scurried up ahead of them. Janna stayed behind River, and when he stopped, she stopped.

River bowed low, and Janna followed suit, as the throne was illuminated. Sitting on it was a bored-looking woman, dressed in a dress made to appear as though it were made of cobwebs. Her face was old, but not wrinkled, her eyes showing that she'd been ruling for far longer than anyone could remember.

"Queen Ishtar," River began from his bow, Janna craning her neck to look up from the floorboards. "Thank you for seeing us."

"King River Butterfly, of Mewni." The Queen returned in a bored tone. "What an unexpected surprise. What brings you to my audience today?"

"Poor fortunes, I'm afraid," River replied, standing back up fully. "I'm looking for my daughter."

"Mmm. Star. Tom's old flame. Well, I can tell you right now she isn't here," the Queen said. "A spirit like that falling here from above… it would be quite a light show."

"Yes, Queen." River said. "But if I may, my goal isn't to seek out your own knowledge, but the eyes and ears of Prince Tom."

"Mmm." The Queen responded. "Very well. The boy is in his chambers, doing whatever it is he does. The butler will show you the way."

"Thank you, Queen Ishtar." River bowed again, Janna following suit, before they turned and left.

* * *

Behind a raised hand as they left, the Queen stopped the old goat-man before he could follow them out. "Who is the girl?" She asked. The goat shrugged.

* * *

Out in the main hall, Janna had about a million-and-a-half questions crowding into her brain, all of which were immediately pushed out as a demon boy crossed the hall. Three eyes, pale skin, horns, and a spiked leather jacket. "MOOM!" He shouted. "I'M GOING OUT!"

Then, he caught sight of the two visitors in front of him. King River's distinctive blond hair was something he knew well, considering that when he'd dated his daughter, it'd been a source of constant intrusion.

"Oh, King Butterfly!" He said in a forced, false tone. "How nice to see you….!"

"Hello, Tom." The King said. "Trust me, I'm not happy to see you either. But I'm looking for my daughter."

"Woah," Janna interjected, stepping up to the demon in front of her. "Uh… hi. You're _way_ too hot to not know me. Janna Russo. Witch."

The demon looked at her outstretched hand, unimpressed. "Witch, huh? Boring. Call me when you're a princess."

He then turned back to River "You're looking for Star?" He asked, then looked around. "Come with me."

* * *

Considering he was a demon, Tom's room was remarkably normal, if totally extravagant. There was a pair of arcade cabinets, a ping-pong table, something that looked suspiciously like a torture rack (ok, so that part wasn't normal) and a bed. Of course this was all in a cave carved into the side of the mansion, and there was a stream of lava running down one of the walls, but still.

"So, this is your room, huh?" Janna asked. "Your… demon-room?"

Tom ignored her, and instead addressed the king. "So, Star's missing, huh?"

River nodded. "Gone, a few weeks before the war. I've spent my resources already, and we've found nothing. There are some places… my men can't go."

Not paying attention to this, Janna wandered across the room and picked up a ping-pong ball which, she hit across the table with a paddle. As if willed by the table, the other paddle picked itself up and whacked the ball back at her, narrowly missing her face. The ball bounced into a corner with a clatter.

Unperturbed, Janna set down the paddle and moved over to the torture rack, spinning it absently by the spikes on its edge, resulting in a " _tick-tick-tick_ " as it circled.

"Well, she's not here," Tom shrugged. "I haven't seen her in months. Since the Blood Moon Ball. Which, if you see her, tell her I'm sorry about that, wouldya?"

He took a pause, before shouting " _Would you STOP?"_ With a crash, Janna stumbled into one of the arcade cabinets, knocking it into the other one and sending them to the floor.

Tom's head steamed - literally - before he suddenly seemed to lose all his energy. "Out. Get out." He pointed to the door.

"Rude." Janna glared at him ruefully before leaving to go "explore" some other part of the house.

* * *

 **Further notes:**

 **Long story short, I've recently had one of the worst weeks of my life, and I just wanted to say thanks to you guys for showing support for my work. Whenever someone leaves a review or faves the story, it sends a notification to my phone, and getting a notification that someone else enjoyed my work enough to take action brings a warm smile to my face and a fuzzy feeling to my chest.**

 **To the one, single person who I know for a fact reads this during their breaks at work from time to time: I'm sorry for acting rashly. Someday, a few months from now, I'd like to be good friends with you, again, like we have been. But I can't grow as a person with you in my life, and that's not your fault, it's mine. I'm not mad, just sad. I hope you aren't, either. I'd message, but I'd rather say it in public. Someday, I'd like to get tea with you again. I hope you see this. Anyways.**

 **Now that the other 99.999% of you read that paragraph and are left confused and wondering why you did so, on to reviews!**

 **AACH: Oy mate, this is K+. I love the idea of Janna pranking him in that fashion, but it definitely wouldn't be that extreme. Still, I'll keep that in mind. Also, Ishkilthul stole the internet, so there isn't exactly anywhere for her to post it. Cool idea though. Could make for a fun little spit.**

 **Guest: I mean, yes. There's a fairly popular theory that literally everyone at the slumber party except Starfan has a crush on Marco, and they all said Marco's name at some point while responding to the cube. And who can blame her? Marco is prime husbando material! Oh my god, someone shoot me, I can't believe I just said that. Thanks as always for the review. Get an account already!**

 **Roguefoxx: Yeah, the timeskips... they're a lot more obvious in writing. But you're right. I'm trying to work on that.**

 **Lelcar: No, not really. Guest nailed the actual hidden implication, the riddles were just whatever I could come up with on the fly. Speaking of which, there's another one coming up, and it's a doozy. So stay tuned for that.**

 **Evolveelove: Hah! Canon? I've got your canon right here! No but seriously, I'm doing my own thing. It's the characters, and the setting, and the tone, but that's about it.**

 **No preview for next week's chapter, it's just gonna be a continuation of this week. And it might actually get posted next week! Neat. Remember to fave the story if you liked it, and as always, I do take suggestions for chapters! If there was something you liked, or something you didn't let me know! Adios!**


	11. Chapter 9-2: Custodial Combat - Part 2

**Remember when I said I'd have this done "next week?" Yeah, that was funny, huh.**

 **This is the SECOND PART of chapter 9 - I recommend returning to the previous chapter and rereading before continuing. But to each their own.**

 **More notes at the bottom, as usual. Enjoy!**

* * *

Back on Earth, Marco was going room-to-room grabbing the half-full garbage bags and bringing them to the dumpster. The school day was over, but he still had a couple more hours of detention to serve for the day. He was finding the transition from student to janitor… oddly relaxing. The Janitor himself (who only referred to himself as "The Janitor") was a relaxed, if somewhat irritable man who sort of reminded Marco of his Karate sensei. It felt like he was learning the keys: there was a peace to be found in cleaning, even when your work was undone… almost immediately.

Setting the bags into the school's back dumpster, he returned to his new mentor and found that the remaining supplies had been packed up. The janitor was lounging, now in a T-shirt and jeans (and out of his jumpsuit uniform), and greeted Marco by gesturing for his presence.

"Look." He said, pulling out a small notepad. "Tomorrow's work."

Opening it up, he revealed a pages-long list of student names, many of them listed multiple times. Some were crossed out, others were circled, and near the top of the list was Janna's name, circled and underlined.

"The List," he explained. "Of the students who have wronged."

Marco perused it, mildly impressed that the Janitor actually knew everyone's names. Then his eyes flicked back to Janna's name, at the top. "Uh… what'd Janna do?"

"Ah." The Janitor's eyes darkened, and he put the notebook away. "I… try not to remember. A thousand cuts demand a thousand in return." Stepping away, he withdrew a bicycle from the Janitor's closet behind him. and began pedalling off. "Until tomorrow, Marco Diaz." He said before disappearing around a corner.

* * *

Leaning on the wall outside Tom's room, Janna was growing increasingly impatient. She'd been waiting for like, an hour! When she was (rudely) kicked out of his room, Janna went out to explore the rest of this giant mansion, but she found that almost everything and everybody here was prone to impale, incinerate, or crush her. That wouldn't normally have been a problem with Marco here, who seemed to have a sixth sense for that sort of thing, but as he wasn't, she'd probably peaked her mortal-perilometer about three times already. That, and she'd left her phone at the camp as per River's instruction (apparently Glossaryck had some kind of thing against Tom's mom), and was stripped of her spellcasting abilities, minus what she'd memorized. As much as it pained her to do so, she decided it was safer ( _ugh)_ to stay put.

"Geez, what is taking them so long?" She groaned out loud. She'd tried to open the door a few minutes ago, but found that she'd been locked out.

Looking around at the occasional demon, zombie or skeleton that passed by, she suddenly recognized a familiar face… sorta.

Two college-age looking demon girls were walking by, with a mixture of disgust and annoyance written across their faces, and it wasn't hard to see why. Behind them was the demon Ishkilthul, wearing a set of thick-rim specs and a t-shirt that said "gender is _not_ your identity". Combined with his khaki shorts and socks-with-sandals get up, and he was just about as stereotypically unappealing as could be.

 **"I'm just saying,"** he boomed out. **"If you girls haven't tried going on the all-kale cleanse, it will change your afterlife. Sure, it'll be a little bit runny for a few days, but -"**

"Hey, Ishkilthul!" Janna shouted from across the hall as she ran towards him. The two demon ladies took this as an opportunity to quickly accelerate, doing all but sprinting as they fled the demon's feeble attempts at small-talk.

The demon sighed. **"Janna, you have to learn to be polite. I was in the middle of something."**

"The demon girls?" Janna asked. "I don't wanna judge, but they didn't look like they were into it."

The demon snorted (fire) and sighed. **"Yeah. Probably dating a couple of chads. Nice guys like me don't have a shot."** As he turned around to walk off, Janna stopped him.

Stifling her momentary revulsion at the pathetic giant she was talking to, she explained: "Woahwoahwoah, hang on a sec. Can I ask you something?"

 **"Uh, I suppose,"** the demon replied. **"But I'm not really** _ **into**_ **being defined by titles anymore, and I'm on a kale cleanse, so I don't really consume information to do the whole "demon of knowledge" thing."**

"Uh… okay?"

The demon pondered for a minute. **"How 'bout a riddle instead?"** He asked. **"That's what the new-age demons are doing, right?"**

"...sure." Janna shrugged. "I'm looking for King River's… daughter, I guess. Star?"

 **"Hmm."** The demon pondered again, a moment longer. **"That is a tricky one… coming up with riddles is hard. Let me think…"**

Janna tapped her foot, and noticed that as soon as anyone entered their hall, they immediately turned the opposite direction after seeing Ishkilthul.

 **"Ooh, I've got it!"** Ishkilthul exclaimed. Clearing his throat, he prefaced: **"Listen, this is the first time I've done this, so gimme some feedback, okay?"**

 _ **"A worm to an apple, a butterfly to a flower, a journey to save her will surely devour… you…"**_ he paused at this and cleared his throat again. **"Hmm. That's not right."**

"Yeahyeah whatever, keep going," Janna hurried him, trying to memorize the riddle to recite to Marco, later.

 _ **"Hidden in the unseen, and cast out of time, stopping the clocks will surely divine,"**_

 _ **"The fate of the world, through eons, through age, and through infinite misery, the one you shall… save...**_ **dang it!"**

 _ **"Be warned of the perils of waking the beast, for falling to Earth, she shall… break… things.**_ **"** He finished.

"Uh…" Janna's brain was saturated. There was no way she was going to remember that. "Can I get that on, like, a piece of paper or something?"

 **"C'mon, girl, it wasn't that good, don't make me write it down."** The demon blushed slightly, which had an amusing effect on his skin, being a coal-black hue.

"It was _waaay_ too long," Janna clarified. "Try and simplify it next time."

 **"But other than that it was cool?"** Ishkilthul asked.

"Uh… it was okay I guess." Janna shrugged.

 **"It was my first one!"** The demon said indignantly.

"Well yeah, and it wasn't bad, just… like, okay…" Janna muttered. Jeez. Some people just couldn't take criticism.

 **"Yeah, well, we can't all be perfect."** Ishkilthul replied sourly. **"Here's your stupid riddle,"** he snapped his fingers and a crumpled up ball of parchment bounced off of Janna's head. **"I'm gonna go do something else."**

As the demon stomped off, Janna unravelled the paper and took a glance at the riddle. It was exactly as he'd stated it, errors and all.

As if on cue, the door behind her sprung open, and out stepped Prince Tom and King River. "Is he gone?" The demon boy asked, before looking around and stepping the rest of the way out of his room. "Man. That guy used to be cool, but he went to Earth and now he's a total _poser!"_

He cast a sour look at Janna. "Figures _you'd_ know him."

Ignoring this, though also mentally cataloging that her chances with the hot demon prince were now probably less than optimal, Janna instead gave the riddle to King River to examine.

"Asked him about Star," she said. "He gave me this."

The king quickly scanned it. "Aha!" He exclaimed, and handed it back. "I have no idea what that means."

Janna shrugged and folded up the paper. "Me neither. But I know a guy who might."

"Well, River, I'll keep my eyes open." Tom promised, winking his forehead-eye. "But if I were Star… I wouldn't want to be found." He finished darkly.

At this moment, Janna took the opportunity to try and casually walk back into Tom's room, and he blocked the door. "You need to leave." He told her.

Before she knew it, they were back out in front of the fortress, the gate sliding shut with a bang, in front of them. "Waste of time…" River mumbled. Janna didn't think so - feeling around for the piece of folded-up riddle in her pocket, she suspected that they'd just found the only lead they were going to get.

* * *

By the time Janna and the king returned from their little task, the soldiers at camp had already prepared a feast. Laid out on the massive table in front of them were a few larger-than-normal turkeys, corn on the cob, baked potatoes, kernel corn, fancy-looking hams, grilled corn, creamed corn, a couple fruit baskets, cornbread… you get the idea. There was lots of corn.

"Ah, excellent work, warriors! This will do for a _fine_ pre-battle feast!" King River laughed. Waving Janna over, he invited her to sit and eat with the rest of them. Sitting awkwardly at the table and surrounded by the giant forms of Mewni's soldiers, she picked a few things in front of her to put on her plate. Normally she would be thrilled to take part in a "pre-battle feast," but she couldn't help but feel more than a little out of place here. She was surrounded by a couple dozen grown men and women who she didn't know and were three times her size, and although she didn't typically struggle with her self-image, she couldn't help but feel like she was a little… small.

"Oh don't be shy lass, here!" River exclaimed as he dumped a stack of corn onto her plate. "Some of the best corn the kingdom has to offer!"

"You guys sure love your corn, don't you?" Janna asked, giving the plate a tentative sniff. It smelled like butter.

"Well what's not to love?" The king began, clearly passionate about the subject. "Mewnian corn is the best thing to grace the tastebuds of this dimension since fried neptune flytrap flesh!"

"Is it any different from earth corn?" She asked.

"There's corn on Earth?!" River coughed, nearly choking on his turkey leg. Turning to his warriors beside him, he pointed an accusing finger. "Why was I never informed of this?!" He nearly yelled, eyes pointed in opposite directions.

"Woah, calm down man, it's just a vegetable." She quickly said, putting her hands in the air. "Well technically it's a fruit, but…" She paused to take a bite of her food. As soon as she began to chew, her pupils dilated and she froze, appearing to be in a trance-like state.

"Eh, Janna?" River spoke through a full mouth, waving his hand in front of her face. When he got no response, he just shrugged and continued eating.

Mewnian feasts were something of a spectacle, just as the rest of their culture was - King River's doubly so. Food and drink were strewn about by the end, crumbs of corn and spatters of the soldiers' fruity drinks adorning the soil around the table, the men themselves all sighing in contentment as their patted their full bellies.

Sitting between them, Janna was absentmindedly munching on her eighth cob, gnawing at it as she finished stripping it. It joined the seven others on the plate in front of her, and she let out a loud burp, which drew polite, lazy applause from the warriors beside her.

King River, at the end of the table, stood. Due to his short stature, this made little difference and no one noticed.

Clearing his throat, he stepped up onto the table.

"Knights of Mewni!" He roared. "We have feasted a meal fit for our last!"

The warriors shouted their approval, some of them raising their goblets.

"Now, we will fight for our lives!" River shouted.

The knights roared in response. " **Hruzzah!"**

"For our families!"

" **Hruzzah!"**

"FOR CORN!"

" **HRUZZAH!"**

"TOMORROW!"

This earned only silence.

"NOW, TO BED!" The king roared.

There was a mighty scramble as the soldiers quickly departed the table, scurrying into their various tents. Within moments, the camp echoed with the mighty sound of snoring.

Janna stood up slower, approaching the king, who in attempting to dismount the table, had fallen on his face.

"Oh, no, I'm fine m'dear." He brushed away her hand when she offered to help him up.

"You give your motivational speech before bedtime?" Janna asked with a raised eyebrow.

"But of course!" River puffed out his chest. "A tired army is a lost army, after all!"

"Uh… I guess so." Janna shrugged.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off as well! A king must be as awake and wary as his warriors!"

Janna returned to her own tent, a more modern model that she'd packed from Earth. Just large enough to fit two teenagers.

As she laid down on her sleeping bag, still fully clothed, she processed the day. And quite a day it had been.

There'd been the feast, and Tom, and school, and Marco…

Her thoughts drifted back to her friend, and she wondered if he was okay. There was a twinge of regret when she realized she'd left him just when he'd essentially screamed "HEY! Insecure! Need someone to talk to, here!"

She looked at the empty space next to her and felt another twinge of guilt, which she frowned and quickly squashed. She couldn't help but think: _Marco should be here!_

Sighing, she went for her phone by reflex (she'd left it in the tent) only to find that the battery was dead. She absently wondered where Glossaryck went when that happened.

Then her thoughts turned to the battle that she'd apparently agreed to fight tomorrow morning. The part of her that thought it would be a good idea had gone silent, leaving her to wonder why she'd agreed in the first place. Magic was cool and all, but a full-scale battle, with weapons and people trying to really hurt her? Decidedly less so.

She couldn't help but think that she'd feel better if she'd brought along someone to talk to about it. Marco was the safe kid. He always kept her from getting too in over her head. She'd actually have to watch out for herself, for once.

Turning over and shutting her eyes, she suppressed the creeping feeling of loneliness that had suddenly appeared, and did her best to fall asleep.

* * *

The following morning, Marco's head popped off his pillow bright and early, two minutes before his alarm went off. His muscles were loose, and his mind clear. As bizarre as it was, yesterday's janitorial detention actually seemed to have done wonders for a steady hand and a clear head.

He bounced downstairs and greeted his mom with a jovial smile, sharing with excitement that he had another day of "detention" today. His mom just shook her head. He'd already told her what was going on, the previous day. It wasn't really detention.

His dad wandered in some minutes later, dreary-eyed and sleepy. He could only admire Marco's energy before the teen disappeared out the door, a few minutes ahead of schedule, rather than rigorously adhering to his down-to-the-minute protocol like he usually did.

Looking after him, both his parents looked at each other, curious at what had gotten into their son.

* * *

Stepping through the front doors of the school, Marco's good mood immediately turned sour. Looking through the halls before him, he found that all the work he had done the previous day to get this place spotless had been for nothing. _Is this how the Janitor felt every day?_ Shaking off his discontent with the school's current state, he leaned on the wall by the front doors to wait for Janna. After a few seconds of waiting, Marco suddenly remembered that Janna wasn't going to be at school today. He slapped his forehead and made his way to class.

* * *

On Mewni, Janna was preparing for the coming fight. Or rather, watching the soldiers in front of her prepare. She had woken up around an hour ago to the sound of clanking metal and shuffling feet, and left her tent to find River and his soldiers gearing up for battle. Here and there she could see someone sharpening a spear, fitting armor, or tacking up the most bloodthirsty looking unicorns she could've ever imagined.

Janna never imagined that putting on armor would take up so much time. She'd always figured that you could just slip it on like regular clothes, and be ready just like that. It gave Janna unwelcome time to think about her situation. Yesterday she was excited to be a part of something as cool as a royal interdimensional prison break. She knew what that would involve, but it wasn't really until this morning that the full weight of what she agreed to hit her. She was about to head into a warzone with actual monsters. Monsters that are probably going to be out to harm her for real, unlike the ones she fought a few weeks ago.

"Ah, Janna! How are you doing this fine morning?" The king asked, giving her a cheerful slap on the back. "Ready to test your might in a bout of mortal combat?"

"Well, I'm kinda-"

"Bah, what am I saying?! Of course you are!" He laughed. "Joffrey, come get this girl fitted for a suit of armor!"

"Wait, I get armor?!" Janna immediately asked, all of her lost excitement seemingly found again.

"Well it can't be custom made, given our lack of time," He told her, as if it mattered. "but we can't have you out there unprotected, can we?"

Before she could respond, she was ushered away into a tent which she assumed was some sort of makeshift armory, with a bunch of weapons and stray pieces of armor lying around.

"Ooh, do I get that?" She asked, pointing at a full polished suit of armor, standing up on a post. It was about twice her height.

"Not quite." The little man answered, sorting through a pile of metal.

"This one looks cool." She said, picking up a scaled shirt. "Woah, this stuff is heavier than I thought."

"Aha!" Joffrey shouted, pulling something out. Holding it up, it resembled a dress, made entirely out of steel chains.

"A small chestpiece," he held it up to her to compare, finding that it reached down to her ankles. "Rather large, but…"

He threw it over her head and shoulders with a deft hand, one that had done the same actions hundreds of times previously. It slapped lightly against Janna's legs before he drew it up, bundling it at her waist until it looked less like an oversized metal dress, and more like an oversized metal shirt. He then did up the sides, until Janna found her chest encased by metal links.

"Cool…" she muttered. The armor was heavy, but not uncomfortably so. At least, not for the moment.

"And…" rummaging through a chest at the edge of the tent, the steward also produced a metal helmet, which surprisingly slid over Janna's head perfectly. "Mewnian warriors have small heads," he explained. "They don't need big ones for… well, anyway. Do you want leggings?"

Janna looked down at herself, deciding that it was already going to be a pain to be carrying the extra ten kilograms of armor she already had. She shook her head, causing the helmet to shift.

"Ah, well then I'll be attending to the others, if you'll excuse me." Jeoffrey exited the tent, leaving Janna to her thoughts.

She reached for her phone, wishing that she had some way to charge it. She'd have to rely on what she knew for this… and there was no way to take a picture.

She caught a sight of her reflection in her phone - same ol' her, but wearing a helmet made for a warrior three times her size. A wave of nerves crashed over her suddenly, without warning, and her legs wobbled as she nearly threw up last night's corn.

"Warriors!" She turned and faced the tent flap with dread as she realized that River had just summoned the camp. Her battle awaited.

* * *

Homeroom proved uneventful for Marco, as Skullnick did her best to pretend that there was not a classroom full of students in front of her. Likewise, desperate not to invoke her ire, the students were doing their best to pretend they didn't have vocal cords.

The monotone toll of the bell rang out through the corridors, and Marco was first out the door. He hadn't even brought a bag today, since he'd be spending the rest of it cleaning.

At the end of the hall, the Janitor was waiting for him. He had the door to his closet open, revealing neatly stacked and organized shelves against the left side of the room, while the right side was an utterly unorganized disaster of supplies.

"Marco." The Janitor greeted him.

"Janitor." Marco replied. "Hey, what is your real name, anyways?"

"It's unimportant." The Janitor replied. "My title will suffice."

He extracted a tool kit, and a half-sized uniform with "student" stitched onto the name area. "Put this on," he said. "Dirty work to do, today."

As the students cleared the corridor, the Janitor closed and locked his closet, surprising Marco. There were no mops, no supplies - just a tool kit.

"So what are we doing today?" Marco asked. He'd been somewhat looking forward to the simple methodology of the Janitor's hours of mopping.

The Janitor hefted the toolkit with a blank expression. "Cosmic justice."

* * *

Marco had gotten used to the empty corridors of the school during his tenure as hall monitor, but the Janitor allowed him access to the blank areas he didn't know existed - twisting maintenance rooms full of boilers, empty classrooms stacked with desks, the teacher's lounge and the PhysEd supply rooms. In one such stacked classroom they found themselves, the Janitor setting his toolkit down and extracting a pair of wrenches, one of which he handed to his student assistant.

"So… what are we doing with these?" Marco hefted the wrench in his hand, feeling the weight.

"Observe." The Janitor explained, gesturing to the room. Like the supply closet, Marco noticed, exactly half of it was neatly organized - the other half a jumbled mess of desks, tables and chairs.

The desks on the left, neatly stacked atop one another, were impeccably clean and polished. Their surfaces were wiped clean, scratches and eraser-graffiti were polished off, and the undersides were gum-free. The same could not be said for the right side of the room, the desks utterly filthy by comparison.

Surprisingly, the Janitor headed to the left side of the room and extracted a pair of desks from the pile. One for him, and one for Marco.

"Loosen here." He explained, demonstrating with the wrench as he loosened a bolt that connected the desk and chair.

"And here. Here." He finished, standing up. The desk looked exactly the same, but it was now rigged to fall apart as soon as someone put weight on it.

Marco quizzically did the same on his desk, and the Janitor dragged them to the side before extracting two more.

As they stepped into the rhythm of their sabotage, the Janitor explained: "Soap is the justice for a dirty hall. A loose bolt is the justice for a defaced desk."

Marco nodded. Before long, they'd finished the classroom, and the Janitor put his tools away before gesturing to Marco to follow him out.

"Next is the bathroom." He deadpanned as he locked the door. "You may not experience the horrors of a brown sink, but…" His face drifted off. "There are some things that will never be acceptable to clean."

Leading Marco towards the largest bathroom of the school, he unlocked a small, dark side room nearby, which contained a hot water tank, electric panels and a set of pipes.

Extracting a pipe wrench from the toolkit, the Janitor began rigging the pipes, bypassing the cold water taps and ensuring that the sinks in the bathroom beyond only dispensed jets of scalding water. Marco, feeling merciful, did the opposite - his sinks would only allow for ice-cold water straight from the central plumbing system.

The Janitor looked at him passively. "You're merciful." He said. "That will change, someday."

As they locked the door to the maintenance room, the bell for the next class rang. Students swarmed to the bathroom. "Observe," the Janitor paused.

After a few moments, there were yelps of surprise as their sabotaged sinks began to flow. Marco frowned.

"The heater doesn't get hot enough to burn," the Janitor explained as they walked off. "It's just… uncomfortable." A small smile graced his lips as grumbling students exited the bathroom.

* * *

"Soldiers of Mewni!" King River bellowed as they mounted the final hill to their destination. Below them, a small monster town was bustling with activity, creepie-crawlies of all sizes and types moving between their houses, the outlying fields and the marketplace.

"These fiends have stolen our fellow Mewmans! They have sacked our homes, stolen our food!" He continued. Janna tensed as the warriors around her growled and mashed their teeth. This wasn't a brawl. Something was about to happen. Something… bad.

"Leave nothing standing!" River roared.

With a collective howl, the Mewmans charged towards the village, where there was a claxon of alarms and a scramble for arms.

Janna tensed, prepared to follow. She was already tired from lugging her armor - a mile-plus-long hike from camp would do that. Although it had at least helped her nerves. Exhaustion left little room for other emotion.

King River stopped her. He wore a scowl. Janna was adjusted to seeing him as a goofy, somewhat eccentric man - this was the first time she'd ever seen him and felt afraid.

"Stay here," he said. "The next town is behind us. Stop them from sending for reinforcements."

With a war cry, he ran after his men.

* * *

As the Mewmans sacked the monster village below, Janna only watched. Her relief at not being a part of the fighting was matched only by the disappointment of her being considered a child and left out. But as she watched the fighting, doubts were gnawing at her.

The fields of crops around the village were burning, and the fire was spreading towards the homes in the center. Monsters were being routed, fleeing the village in all directions as the warriors chased them.

A small group broke off - soldiers, battered and bruised, but wearing scaled armor and carrying weapons all the same. They made a beeline for Janna. She tensed. Whether or not it was right… they were enemies.

"Corpus Levitus - Levitato." She incited. Summoning her magic, something was different then when she'd done it on Earth - maybe her attitude. Maybe magic was just stronger on Mewni. Her fingers crackled with thin barbs of purple energy, and a moment later, she was floating off of the ground, one foot, then three feet, then ten feet.

"Halt!" She raised a hand and tried to sound commanding. The squeak that came out of her mouth most certainly wasn't. The warriors continued running. She cleared her throat. "HALT!"

Pebbles around the monsters' feet began to rise, and soon they were off their feet, Janna feeling the sudden strain of lifting several hundred kilograms of enemy soldiers.

She managed to hold them in place for about fifteen seconds before releasing her magic. They dropped to the ground, dazed, but not hurt. Janna was still floating, but she could feel the magic around her fading, too.

"Move!" One of the monsters shouted in a garbled Russian accent. Janna wasn't sure where they'd picked it up, but looking close, they were indeed the same frog-creatures that Ludo's lieutenant had been. What had his name been. Gene?

As the group ran beneath Janna, several of them pounced up, Janna only barely managing to dodge as they flew past. Something wet whapped against her armor, and she grunted as her magic was taxed. Looking down at herself, she realized that a tongue had wrapped itself around her waist, and that the owner was climbing hand-over-hand on it towards her.

"Ugh… gross." Janna shivered, and made to try and force the tongue off of her before having second thoughts about touching it.

"Levitato!" She incited, reaching out to the ground. Several head-sized rocks rose up, and shot towards her assailant. The first few bounced off without harm, but a gut shot loosened the tongue enough for him to fall.

There was a sigh of relief from the girl, before she realized just how high up she was - in her panic she'd floated up another fifty feet, at least, since she'd been grabbed!

The monster was plunging to the ground, and Janna reached out, her gut lurching as she caught him with her levitation spell. It was only barely enough, and she dropped him to the ground just as she started to fall.

She plummeted ten, twenty, thirty feet before she caught herself, weakly holding herself in the air.

Through dimming vision, she saw as the monsters ran off, away in the direction of the King's predicted reinforcements.

* * *

"...anna…" the voice was only barely at the edge of her hearing, as the young girl slowly woke up. She was surrounded by River's men, the king himself bearing some new scorch marks and dents in his armor while he kneeled in front of her. "Janna, my girl!" He beamed. "We did it!"

Janna sat up, still groggy. A plume of black smoke was rising up from the burning village, behind her. She noticed that there were several more Mewnians than there had been previously, most of them in various states of undress, none of them wearing armor.

"Some got past…" she murmured.

"Oh, those frogs?" The king snorted. "Farmers, m'dear! They'll be back, but we'll be gone by the time they are. Victory!" He shouted, and his soldiers roared in agreement. Those who they'd rescued were particularly loud.

As she was picked up by one of the king's men, Janna noticed that she'd lost her helmet in the dirt. "...farmers?" She muttered.

* * *

The school day was over, the students having all left and the faculty retreating to the teacher's lounge for a weekly meeting. As the door clicked shut, the Janitor put his hand on Marco's shoulder. "Still work to do." Marco nodded.

Together, they swapped in the faulty desks, gingerly handling them so as to avoid toppling the delicate construction. The replaced desks joined the mish mashed pile of jank that had begun to take over the abandoned classroom, just as filthy as their counterparts.

"I cleaned those last week," the Janitor explained.

"Oh."

Marco unzipped his jumpsuit, preparing to step out of it before the Janitor stopped him. "One moment, Marco."

He stepped towards a locker. "Can you keep a secret?" He asked.

Marco nodded.

Twiddling the dial, the Janitor opened a locker at random, revealing a pile of mismatched school supplies and textbooks. Marco stared, wide-eyed.

"You just… know all the combinations?" He asked.

The Janitor shook his head. "The lockers use a numeric code based on their number," he explained.

"The first, is the number of the locker, divided by the number of lockers in the row, rounded up."

"The second, is the number of the locker, plus the number of lockers it is from the left, counting itself."

"The third, is the number of the locker, minus the number below it and to the left. Try it."

Marco stepped up to a locker, and after some quick math, spun the dial. Sure enough, it clicked open. "Wow."

"Marco, look at me." Marco turned to find the Janitor staring him in his face. "Do not abuse this power. Not unless I say it's okay."

Marco nodded.

Extracting his notebook, the Janitor began running through names, and they began a walk. Every so often, he'd stop and open a locker, before hiding something. Stealing a solitary pen. Removing a bookmark. Swapping the contents with the neighboring locker.

Before long, they'd arrived at Janna's locker. As the Janitor reached for it, Marco stopped him. "No use," he said. "She uses mine."

The Janitor spun the dial anyways, opening the locker to a blindingly pink landscape of color. Marco's eyes widened. He'd never actually _seen_ the inside of her locker. This was definitely why.

The Janitor arranged a book so that, the next time the locker was opened, it would fall on the occupant if they were standing in front of it. He quickly closed it before it could fall on him.

"Secret." He nodded at Marco, before putting his notebook back in his jacket pocket. "That's all for today."

* * *

The next morning, Marco's head popped off of his pillow for an entirely different reason than it had yesterday - the incoming satisfaction of righting the wrongs of the Janitorial position.

He was off to school earlier than usual, just like yesterday. He stopped only to give his customary nod-exchange to Jackie, who stopped to ask him where Janna was. He managed to stammer through that she was on a vacation with her family, and Jackie frowned in concern before riding off.

As the first bell rang, Marco lingered next to the sabotaged classroom, just long enough to see the first students sit down. Everything seemed fine at first, but then, one at a time, desks began collapsing to the bewilderment of both the students and the teacher, leaving students sprawled on the floor, wide-eyed and confused.

He snickered quietly as he headed to his own homeroom, and passed the Janitor with a nod as he headed back to retighten the bolts of the desks.

He'd have more work soon enough.

* * *

First period passed without delay, and Marco bounded to the Janitor's closet to get his assignment, only to be greeted by the same stoically-faced man that he usually was. Marco rubbed his hands together.

"Did you see those desks?" He asked, grinning. Loosening desks, sabotaging lockers (a minor quarrel had broken out down the hall after two of the swapped students discovered the ruse) - these were all things that he'd never be doing by himself, but, well, if the Janitor said it was okay… he couldn't help but enjoy it. "So, what are we doing today? More sabotage? Lock all the bathrooms? Hide people's backpacks?"

He had a bit of a crazed look in his eye, and the Janitor sighed before handing him a mop. Marco looked at it in confusion. "But -"

"The key is balance." The Janitor said, before he began swabbing the floor. Marco followed suit, his bloodlust still not quite gone. Mopping was nice and all, but what he really wanted to be doing…

"This school could crumble beneath me," the Janitor explained. "But I choose to keep going. The mop, the desks, the cleaning, the chaos… it keeps things interesting. Keeps me from destroying it all or leaving. But the key is balance."

Marco thought on this in the following silence, but still had a spark of annoyance for every new piece of trash that appeared beneath his mop, every dirty footprint. Before long, the hallway was done, and Marco was seething. He felt a heavy hand drop on his shoulder, and looked up at the Janitor, angry. "There's just… no respect!" He raised his voice.

The Janitor nodded. "Marco, that will never change. Hold onto that passion. Remember it. Use it to fulfill yourself, to drive yourself to something you care about. But remember the mop. Enjoy the moment. Take pride in your work, even if no one else does."

He gestured to the hall behind him, which was gleaming and spotless.

"And take your vengeance as a cosmic justice, not as personal fulfillment."

Marco nodded, and breathed deeply, focusing on the hallway in front of him. It was clean and shiny, and that's all he could enjoy. And when it was soaped up, tomorrow, or the following week, it would be a righteous justice, not revenge.

The Janitor then thrust a rag and a scraper into Marco's hands, along with a spray-wax solution that he used to keep things clear. "Now, go clean the opossum statue. I'll attend to some desks."

* * *

Janna didn't arrive back on Earth until after midnight, and was too tired to do anything but plug in her phone, fall on her bed and drop out of consciousness. The walk back to camp had been… challenging, but she'd insisted on going under her own power for the latter half. Though she had taken off her chainmail, letting it drag behind her like a rag.

The rest of the soldiers had still been celebrating when she'd left, but to Janna, there was nothing to celebrate. She was a mixed up vat of emotions, slowly stirring itself through the thick, sticky honey of exhaustion. But on the other hand, the experience had definitely been exciting.

When she woke up twelve hours later, she was disappointed to find that not only was she still drained, she was still unsettled as well. Glossaryck rose up out of her phone to greet her, in his typical meditative pose.

"So, kid, how was it?" He asked.

"Exhausting." Janna deadpanned, taking a glimpse of herself in her phone and noting the disheveled clothes and bags under her eyes. She'd never felt as drained as she had after casting that spell, and it showed on her face. But there were other things to attend to.

There was about an hour of school left, meaning that by the time she got there, tired as she was, there'd be about twenty minutes. But her family wasn't home (nor did she think that her mom would've had the time to talk), and school was where Marco was. Something inside of her was craving a familiar comfort of a friend.

Dragging herself to her feet, she headed towards the door, leaving her phone and mentor behind. Glossaryck frowned at her. He recognized the signs of spell exhaustion, even if it'd been hundreds of years since he'd taught a student without a wand. He'd made the right choice, being away while she fought, that he was sure. She'd needed to see what a pointless, brutal fight it all was _without_ his intervention, but… she didn't realize just how close she'd come to not waking up.

He drifted back into the phone and opened up Gem Crush, and dwelled on these thoughts as the front door to Janna's home slammed shut behind her.

* * *

Marco stood back as he looked proudly at his handiwork. It'd taken most of the day, but the opossum statue in front of him was now gleaming. Every nick and scratch buffed away, every speck of dirt and water damage scraped and scrubbed off, with a fresh coating of the Janitor's wax solution to keep it looking pretty, at least until the next storm.

He'd given a lot of thought to why the Janitor had sent him outside, and amidst his deep soul-searching, realized that none of the damage done to the statue had been from students. It was just the weather - Mother Nature reminding him that the natural order was chaos.

Or something. At least the statue looked good.

It was with a pang of regret that he realized today would be his last day of Janitorial duty. At this rate, it was more fulfilling than his classes had been! But then he thought to himself… the Janitor was calm, at peace with his life - or at least it seemed like it. But did Marco really want to spend the rest of his life cleaning up after others? Because without good grades, he may as well start looking forward to a position as the head janitor of Garbage Island.

This train of thought was interrupted as he spied a student walking up the front path of the school. He had to do a double-take, at first thinking that somehow one of the zombies from weeks ago had reappeared in front of him. But it was just… Janna?

"Janna!" He called, running towards her. She lifted her head, dark bags and deep-set eyes brightening just a bit as she spotted her bestie. A wan smile graced her lips.

Marco put a hand on her shoulder and looked into her eyes. She looked like death warmed over, and after the nearly-apocalyptic zombie episode, he had a pretty good idea of what that looked like.

To his surprise, she fell into a hug, which quickly turned into a slump against him, Janna letting out a noise of contentment at being reunited with with her friend. Marco felt a pang of guilt - he'd barely thought about her while she'd been gone, so caught up by his janitorial duties.

"Are you okay?" Marco asked.

Janna mumbled a response from the front of his janitorial jumpsuit. "You're a janitor now?"

"Long story," Marco explained. "Are you okay? Let me walk you home."

As they set off back towards the Russo residence, Janna still leaning against Marco for support, the Janitor watched from the front window of the school. He flipped open his notebook, and struck a check next to Janna's name. She looked like she'd been through enough for a little while, so he'd show some mercy - just this once.

* * *

Deciding it was best to let Janna focus on putting one foot in front of the other (he was impressed that she'd made it to school at all, exhausted as she was acting), Marco rambled on about his experience with the Janitor.

"...so then we started mopping, and I realized: balance is the key!" He shared his revelation excitedly. "Talk about an experience, right? I almost wish I had another week with him!"

Janna smiled warmly, a little color returning to her face. She was still hanging onto Marco for support, an arm around his shoulders as he helped her walk along.

"Sounds neat," she yawned. "I got to fight monsters."

She left it at that, and they walked in silence for a few minutes before she finally continued.

"Sorry you couldn't come," she mumbled. "I was really worried. That whole thing with the trampoline, and leaving without talking to you… I wish you'd been there."

Marco chuckled as he recalled his stunt, a few days earlier. It seemed so silly in retrospect. He wasn't exactly _okay_ with being the safe-kid now, but… it wasn't bothering him nearly as much.

"Nah," he said, picking at his clothes. "How else would I've gotten this uniform?"

They arrived at the front door to Janna's home, and Joleen quietly snuck past them, without a word for once. It seemed that they'd walked so slow, school had let out and she'd gotten home at the same time.

Janna stepped inside as well, leaving Marco on the doorstep.

"I'd invite you over this weekend, but I think I'm just gonna sleep through most of it." She yawned again, with another tired smile. "See you on Monday?"

"Yeah." Marco replied. "Monday."

The door shut with a click, and Janna turned in to face the living room, in shambles as usual. Joleen had already helped herself to a traditional after-school cereal bowl, and turned to face her. "Not your boyfriend, huh?" She mocked.

Too tired to respond, Janna just made her way to her room and fell asleep.

* * *

 **Another week, another chapter. This one sure turned out long, but I liked the duality of it. Jumping back and forth between the two stories was a great way for me to keep refreshed while we wrote. (As always, thanks to Sirkylelenn for the help.)**

 **It's finally spring! Out here in California, anyways. It's nice. Perfect weather to sit inside and write.**

 **Does anyone else suddenly want to slap Ishkilthul across the face? Cuz I do. Janna channeled my feelings at the time of writing.**

 **Oh, and we recently shot past 10,000 views! Thanks guys! Means the world to me.**

 **Comment responses!**

 **Roguefoxx: Originally I was going to blatantly reference Harry Potter. The "Levitato" spell was originally "Wingardium Leviosa", with the accompanying "It's leviosaaaaaa" from Glossaryck. But then the actual spell came out. So yeah. Random latin is magic, that's scientific fact.**

 **Guest: Thanks for the positive review! Not gonna lie, we were originally intending to do a lot more with Tom, but it just didn't really work out that way. I think he'll probably pop up again later, so we'll see s'more of that interaction.**

 **Thanks to everyone for the continual positive reception! Now that we're back on hiatus (yaaaay...), I'll be spending more time writing again, since I do that whenever I get the urge for new content and the show doesn't provide.**

 **ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF JVTFOE: When Marco's emergency cash stash runs out (due in no small part to Janna's mishaps), they're forced to find a way to make some new money. But you know what they say about money and friendship... Will they succeed? Fail? Argue incessantly about the best way to run a virtually inconsequential business? Who knows! Definitely not me, I haven't decided yet. Find out next week, on the next episode: Penny for a Pound!**


	12. Chapter 10: Penny For A Pound

**Good morning, good afternoon and good evening, everyone! Thank you for clicking on this!**

 **This chapter is a long one - surprisingly, our longest one yet! By, like, a lot! We didn't realize it at the time, but we just had too many good ideas! Anyways, SKL and I are super happy about how this one turned out, so give it a read! More notes at the bottom, as per always. Enjoy!**

* * *

Most people who knew Marco Diaz would describe him as careful and attentive. In many cases, some would even call him overprotective. As much as he tried to hide his safe-kid demeanor, it was readily apparent to anyone who looked that he cared far too much about virtually everything in his life, to be anything but deserving of that title. But even to those that called him safe-kid, his current behavior was somewhat anxiety-inducing - a giant ball of stress that was reaching out and infecting everyone around him. Marco was currently pacing back and forth in the hallway of the school, putting forth a conscious effort not to hyperventilate.

"Hey, is he alright?" He heard someone ask. There were mutters from the passing students, but not all of them were about him, as his classmates suddenly remembered (with a burst of anxious guilt) about the homework they hadn't done, the test they'd forgotten to study for, or some other obligation they'd completely overlooked. He scanned the hallway anxiously, as everyone around him did their best to avoid eye contact.

Realizing how he was acting, Marco took a deep breath, and tried to force himself to settle down and play it cool. He soon found it impossible to hold still though as his foot began tapping, and he started to check his watch every few seconds. Janna's bus had shown up a few minutes ago, and she wasn't on it. She sometimes rode to school with Jackie on her skateboard, but when Jackie rode by for their customary nod, she wasn't there either.

Marco normally wouldn't have worried (too much) about it, because Janna was known to skip school on occasion, and, well, it was Janna. She might've just decided to drop everything and move to South America to practice voodoo or something. After last Friday, however, Marco couldn't keep himself from worrying about the state she was in.

Deciding that school could wait, Marco finally made a break for the front doors, to the relief of everyone around him. Janna was probably fine, but he had to make sure.

As he flew down the front steps of the school, he immediately collided with his target in question, sending them both tumbling to the ground. They landed on the concrete sidewalk in front with a smack.

"Oh." Marco said through the pavement. "Hey, Janna."

Janna landed with her own head at least resting face up, and reached back to nurse the throbbing knot that had immediately formed on her crown. "Hey Marco. That happy to see me, huh?"

"I, uh… nevermind." Marco replied as he sat up and dusted himself off. He helped Janna to her feet. "You're late?"

"Am I?" Janna asked, and shrugged. "Whatever."

As they headed to Skullnick's classroom, they made sure not to make too much noise so the teacher wouldn't notice they were late.

* * *

"... and he's not even teaching me anything anymore!" Janna complained to Marco, as they made their way to the Barberry Bros. Diner. "Glossaryck keeps saying that I have to learn to " _focus"_ before he teaches me anything advanced." She said, making quotation marks in the air.

"Well isn't that a good thing?" Marco asked. "It sounds like kinda like karate. Like a 'master what you know before you move to the next belt' sort of thing."

Hearing sarcastic coughing coming from her pocket, Janna groaned. "Stop… that's exactly what _he_ said." She admitted, before pausing for a second. "Y'know, minus the karate stuff."

"Have you ever stopped to think he might have a good reason for that?" Marco asked, sort of surprised he and the blue man could agree on something. "You _did_ seem pretty dang drained the other day."

"But… ugh, you're probably right." She mumbled, choking on those last few words.

Arriving at the diner and seeing Jackie already inside, they decided to leave the conversation for later.

"Oh hey guys, I was wondering when you'd show up." She said, waving the two over.

As Marco was about to sit down on the bench across from Jackie, Janna sent her a smirk. Once Jackie nodded back, Janna not-so-subtly hip-checked Marco, sending him sprawling into her.

"Woah Marco, are you alright?" Janna asked, waiting for him to realize what happened.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why did you just-" He started, before noticing he was leaning on Jackie. He paused for a couple seconds, still not fully processing what happened, before he shrieked and leapt off of her, flailing his arms about.

"Oh I'm- well she- you…" He stammered, face beet red.

"Yeah?" Jackie asked, trying her best not to laugh. Janna wasn't trying near as hard.

"I'm gonna go… grabsomepieokbye!" He forced out nervously before speeding off, almost tripping over a stool.

"Get me some too!" Janna called, still cackling.

* * *

As soon as Marco ducked behind a corner and out of sight, he let out a breath and began to regain his composure. He should've seen it coming, Janna pulled something like that at least once, almost every time they come here. Shaking the whole experience off, he went to the counter to order a pie for the three of them. Ordering for himself was pointless when Janna was around, since she was inclined to just steal some of whatever he had if he didn't provide, and it would've been rude to leave Jackie out.

"Hey Bruce, could I get half a cherry pie?" He asked the guy at the register. After having been surprisingly not-banned after triggering a fire alarm and bringing a monster attack there, he'd been showing up at the diner with Janna a couple times a week for a few months. Bruce, the cashier, was a burly man with a set of sailor tattoos and meaty hands that weren't particularly well-equipped for pushing cash register buttons. This resulted in a lot of inexact change and habitually storing the till's money in separate piles on the counter behind him.

"$10.88." Said Bruce in a bored monotone, holding out his hand.

Pulling his wallet out, Marco was surprised to see he only had six dollars with him at the moment. For a kid who organized his finances for fun, he was surprised this had gone beneath his notice. Well, there had been paying for some repair supplies for his room. And helping pay for some repair supplies for Janna's house. And that other time she'd partially destroyed his room. And a new hoodie when he thought he was solving Jackie's riddles. And that _other_ other time his room had been destroyed. Plus her lunch whenever he bought his own. And some candy, here and there, and, well… pretty much anything else that they ended up needing.

Frowning, Marco dipped down into his sock for his emergency cash stash. It wasn't supposed to be for pie, but maybe just this once. He glanced back at the table, where Janna was evidently trying to do an impression of him to Jackie. There would be words about this.

* * *

Sitting back down at the table with the pie tin, the two girls helped themselves while Marco thought about how he was going to voice his trouble to Janna. They were friends, sure, but he'd technically volunteered. That, and Janna wasn't exactly the type to try and make it up… or the type to have money to make it up with.

Before he could voice anything, though, Janna shoved a piece of paper in his face.

"Bur va wey," she said through a mouthful of pie, before swallowing. "I got a riddle from a guy. Could be, like… the key to saving the universe or something. Mind taking a crack at it?"

Momentarily distracted, Marco unballed the little scrap of parchment that he'd been handed, revealing a very poorly constructed riddle, in very elegant font.

Giving it a quick scan, Marco's eyes widened. This wasn't like the little tidbits that Janna had written him. This was something… else.

"Yeah, this makes no sense." Marco said, folding it up and handing it back. "Where'd you get it?"

"Ishkilthul," Janna casually replied, a little surprised she got the name right the first time. Taking another bite of her pie, she continued. "Amd ret me tell you sumfing bout dhat guy…"

* * *

It wasn't until the following Friday (after a very surprisingly uneventful week) that the matter of his disastrous finances finally made it's way out of Marco's subconscious. The subject, unsurprisingly, was Janna unknowingly asking for it once again.

They strode out of school on Friday afternoon, each with a candy bar in hand, Marco's emergency cash stash progressively looking less and less like an emergency stash, and more like emergency… pocket change.

As they approached the front of the school, Marco stopped in front of his locker to deposit his things for the weekend, Janna following suit with her own little allocated space he'd allowed her.

"I'm just saying," he said as he munched on the chocolate. "You're kinda bleeding me dry here!"

Janna frowned as he shut the locker.

"Look, I don't mind buying us stuff, but I gotta have money to do it," Marco explained as they approached the front steps. "So… yeah."

Janna opened her mouth to respond, feeling a bit guilty that she hadn't even noticed what she'd been doing, when a set of arms appeared around their shoulders.

"There's my besties!" Jackie's face appeared between them. "What're you guys talking about?"

Marco stumbled back, his face a lovely rose-red hue at being taken by surprise by Jackie, and with the steps in front of him, he only had about half a second to realize that he was about to take a tumble.

Janna grabbed the front of his hoodie to try and stop him, but the momentum was too much. Before either of them had fully realized their situation, she'd joined him on the descent.

They bounced once, twice, three times before Janna reflexively shouted.

" _Levitato!_ " she yelled, her voice echoing throughout the front of the school.

Marco winced and braced himself as he prepared for a collision with the ground that never came. After a few moments, he opened his eyes and looked around himself. Near as he could tell, he was floating a few inches off the ground - a much better alternative to the cement. He hadn't been particularly eager to experience a more violent version of what he'd already done once that week.

On top of him, eyes wide, was Janna - far, far too close for comfort.

"Uh... J-Janna?" Marco stuttered, and like that, the magic was broken, dropping the two the remaining few inches with a thud. Janna rolled off of him immediately.

Stepping up, the first (and only) thing she noticed was the group of students that had suddenly encircled them. As bizarre as it was to think about, Janna couldn't remember another time when she'd shown off her magic like that. Had she just revealed a secret that she totally forgot she was keeping?

"Woahhh…" the football captain, Justin, was at the front of the circle staring in awe. "They were floating! Hey guys! Janna Russo RULES!"

The crowd was gasping and murmuring, and pretty soon there was more shouting.

"Are you magic?"

"Do you give lessons?"

"How'd you do that?"

"Can we do that too?"

Leaning down and helping Marco to her feet, Janna murmured: "I think I just found a way to pay you back." And before he could stop her, she addressed the crowd. "Y-yeah. Yes!" She improvised. "That was… totally magic, and not fake at all! And you can come by my magic… uh, emporium at my place, opening tomorrow at uh… noon, and get anything you want to satisfy your magic needs! You wanna float?! We can totally make you float! So… um… yeah."

Not sure how to end, she trailed off, and quickly made her way to the bus before anyone could stop her. Jackie hopped down the front steps after them, prompting Marco to immediately clam up and stand stock-still in the hopes that she wouldn't notice him.

"Hey Marco, are you okay?" She definitely noticed him.

"Fine!" He peeped.

"Um…" Whatever she was going to say next was cut off by screeching brakes and hissing hydraulics as the school bus pulled out of its station - to the dismay of the dozen or so students still gawking on the sidewalk who had not yet gotten on board.

In the confusion, Marco took his escape. "I'vegottagoJackieI'llseeyoumonday!"

Immediately sprinting for home, Jackie watched him go with a confused expression and a shake of her head. Marco's ability to hold steady conversations with her flip-flopped every week it seemed. _Seriously?_ She thought to herself. _When will I be able to hold a conversation with that guy…_

* * *

After sleeping in for a couple hours, Marco decided he should probably go help Janna with whatever she was planning. _After all,_ he thought ruefully, _when Janna's plans backfire, they backfire hard._

After going through the motions of his morning routine and impulsively grabbing a few items to sell at her so-called _magic emporium_ , he set straight out to Janna's house, expecting only the worst possible scenarios. Had she summoned a bottomless pit in her front lawn? Summoned a horde of imps to draw in customers? Maybe she'd decided that things would be more interesting if _everything were on fire._

When her house finally came into view, however, he was very pleasantly surprised. In her garage, he could see that she had what looked like a fully-stocked shop. It even had a nice looking hand-painted (who was he kidding, it was probably magic-made) sign on the front, reading "Janna's Enchanted Emporium" with a little picture of a crystal ball underneath. Letting out an impressed whistle, Marco walked in to greet Janna.

"Hey Marco, just in time!" Janna exclaimed, waving him over.

"Man Janna, this actually looks… really nice." Marco said, before looking at her skeptically. " _Too_ nice. Who helped you?"

"What, are you saying that I can't organize stuff by myself?" Janna crossed her arms, pretending to be offended.

"That's exactly what I'm saying." Marco said, calling her bluff. "Now did someone help you, or did you somehow develop a taste in design overnight?"

"Fine, Glossaryck helped me." She sighed in defeat. "I totally coulda done it on my own though."

Climbing his way out of the phone on the counter behind her, Glossaryck chimed in.

"You were throwing everything in in a pile on the ground." He said, seemingly annoyed at something. "You didn't even put anything on the table."

"Yeah, whatever…" Janna rolled her eyes and attempted to swat Glossaryck back into her phone, which he dodged.

"Since when did you care about that stuff?" Marco asked him. "You seemed pretty fine with it when you were living in that mess of a book."

"Well this is different my boy, we're in a _professional_ setting, and as such, it has to look professional." He said matter-of-factly. "And for your information _princess_ , this was just a fine opportunity to continue your training. Remember when I said you needed help focusing? What better way to do that than organize an entire store!"

"Sure." Janna shook her head. "That's what it was." Letting out an obviously fake cough, she quickly added: "OCD!"

"Janna," Glossaryck said patiently, "I am actually quite impressed with your use of the levitation spell." He stated. Janna blinked at this unexpected compliment. "I've seen people use it to float, but it's not often that I see somebody use it to the degree you do."

"So does that mean I can-"

"Quite amazing actually," he interrupted, poking around the shop. "considering you can hardly focus on moving just three things at a time. That only shows that we need to work on your multitasking before moving on."

Choosing to ignore this and drop the argument, Janna switched tracks. " _Anyway_ , Isn't this great Marco?" She forced out. "Look at all this stuff, we're gonna make a ton!"

"About that…" Marco paused and looked around. On shelves and tables all around the garage were, presumably, the entire contents of Janna's bedroom, living room, back yard and kitchen. All the magic charms, all the fake voodoo stuff, with one table occupied by virtually nothing but spellbooks; some of which Glossaryck was eyeing suspiciously.

"Are you sure you want to give up all this stuff? Marco asked, feeling a little guilty that he'd barely brought an armful while she was giving up a garage-full.

"Uh, yeah." Janna snorted. "Most of it's junk anyways. To my… continuing disappointment." She glanced ruefully at a feathered pentagram charm that was hanging from the front of a nearby table.

"So… you're lying?" Marco asked.

"Well, yeah. You're not saying you want me to sell _actual_ magic stuff?"

"Uh, no, I guess not, but -"

Janna cut him off before he could say anything more, a stranger wandering in from the sidewalk and glancing around the tables. "Hey, first customer!" She grinned. "Welcome to Janna's Magic Emporium. What can I help you cast today?"

* * *

Before long, the garage was full of people, from their school and otherwise, browsing through Janna's magic junk. Marco stood at the exit, keeping a careful watch for potential thieves and shoplifters. Luckily, Echo Creek wasn't particularly known for it's thieves (or its criminals in general, really - the police were more likely to cite you for having your shirt untucked than anything else), and the afternoon passed without incident… mostly.

Bobbing between tables was Joleen, filching the occasional piece of magic garbage that she thought looked interesting. Among the items in her arms were a voodoo doll that looked suspiciously like Janna, an utterly empty carved-glass vial that had been marked as a "ghostly vessel," a random spellbook, and even one of the old Derrick action figures that Marco had brought over.

Before she could get through the garage door, however, Marco was there, arms crossed and foot tapping, looking down at her with a disapproving glare.

Joleen gave him a wide crocodile grin before suddenly kicking him in the shin. Marco howled and immediately fell over, and she took that as an opportunity to suddenly run inside.

"Janna!" Marco called from the ground, irritated. "Your sister's stealing stuff!"

"What?" Janna asked over the hubbub of the people in front of her. She could barely see anything else that was going on, she was so busy showing off her wares.

Shrugging, she continued her presentation. "And this is… a ring that will tell you the future when you wear it!" She said, mystically. In her hand was a plain plastic ring, painted to look like a gold band. She'd gotten it out of a vending machine.

Putting it onto her hand, she began her routine. "Oh, I see…" in a falsely dramatic voice, she raised her arms out in front of her and closed her eyes. Pointing to a random face in the dozen or so people in front of her, she made her prophecy: "a hot pastrami sandwich in your future!"

The man she'd pointed to lit up excitedly. "Whoooah!" He said, amazed. "I was just thinking about having lunch!"

Slipping the ring off of her finger, she placed it back on the table and picked up another random thing: a relatively ordinary ballpoint pen. "And this is a pen that… can write the answer to any question!" She said, still in her dramatic voice. Dropping this temporarily, she shouted: "Hey Marco!"

"Yeah…" there was a pained response from the corner of the room.

"Ask me a question!"

"Uh… what's one plus one?" Marco asked, clueless as to what was going on.

Raising the pen above a piece of paper, Janna closed her eyes and held one arm with the other, like she was channeling her energy through the pen. "I feel the answer… behold!"

Touching the pen to the paper, she scrawled a hasty number "2".

The crowd gasped in amazement. Janna set down the pen. "And this magic artifact could be yours… for one easy payment of $27.99!"

Suddenly, in a burst of shouting, the crowd members were holding wads of cash up above their heads. Janna smirked. _Suckers…_

"Uh, yes!" She said, utterly unprepared for the math required to give exact change, "Just go see my associate, Marco over there!" She pointed to her friend, who had propped himself up against another table and was still nursing his ankle. That little girl could _kick!_

Before he knew it, the crowd was on him, and he begrudgingly acknowledged that there was no better way to be swarmed by a crowd, than when that crowd desperately wanted to give you money.

* * *

As they were cleaning up at sunset, Janna was all smiles. Marco was carefully counting the stacks of cash that they'd accrued over the day. Admittedly it was almost entirely 1 and 5 dollar bills, but still!

"So, how much?" Janna asked, looking over his shoulder. They'd done a good number on the store - almost half the tables were cleared. But there was still a lot of gear that Janna couldn't _wait_ to pawn off, come the next time they did this.

"Six hundred and fifty dollars even," Marco said proudly, holding up a thick stack of bills to accompany the others on the table.

Janna's eyes went wide. She knew they'd done well. She didn't know they'd done _that_ well. "Uh… wow."

"Yeah!" Marco grinned. "More than enough to replenish my safety fund," he continued, depositing a few bills in his sock, "with your half subtracted," he handed her a stack of cash of her own, "that still leaves me with three hundred and seven dollars!"

Taking the wad, Janna was beyond impressed at her own skills as a con-artist. "We make a pretty good team, Diaz," she said fondly. "We should do this more often."

"You're only just now figuring that out?" Marco responded. "And… yeah" He trailed off. "Yeah, we should…"

Janna stuffed the cash into the pocket of her skirt, already imagining the possibilities that 325 bucks afforded her. She could buy a car! Well, no, probably not. _Maybe_ , but probably not. But that was still a lot of money!

"So, what are you gonna do with yours?" Marco asked, fondly ruffling his own fat stax and completely derailing her train of thought.

"Uh…" Janna bit her tongue, stopping herself before she could voice her idea of a trained army of small dogs. "I donno yet. You?"

"Oh," Marco chuckled, "you'll see."

"What's that mean?"

"You'll see," Marco cryptically replied. "Welp, I gotta go Janna, I'll talk to you tomorrow!"

With that he was out of the garage and down the street, before Janna even had a chance to respond. Unbidden, Glossaryck rose from her phone.

"Training?" He asked innocently.

"New spell," Janna pointedly said.

"Mmm." Glossaryck nodded. "I think I have just the thing…"

* * *

The next morning, at the crack of ten, Janna woke up feeling like 325 bucks. Normally she would usually lay in bed for another half hour or so before getting up and starting the day, but today she was wide awake and ready to go. Rolling out of bed, Janna quickly got dressed and went to the kitchen to grab some cereal.

"But that's not how magic works!" Janna heard a familiar voice coming from the living room. "You can't just throw a fireball from your hands out of nowhere!"

"Yeah-huh," Came the voice of Joleen. "Derrick has an enchanted bracelet that gives him fire powers!"

Peeking around the corner, Janna tried to gasp, causing her to choke on the milk in her cereal. Sitting on the couch was both Glossaryck and her sister, having a normal conversation. In Joleen's hands was a small action figure, of a buff dude in the cartoon that happened to be playing on TV.

"Oh." Glossaryk replied, as if that explained everything. "Well I guess that would do it, but that doesn't explain why he can pick up a car."

Janna quietly cleared her throat, trying to catch his attention, to no avail. What the heck was Glossaryck doing? Out of _everybody_ she knew, Joleen was the _one_ person she was actively trying to keep her secret from!

"Well that's the thing, we don't know about that yet." Joleen explained to him. "He's trying to find his uncle who's supposed to have answers for him."

"So wait, is his uncle-"

"Glossaryck!" Came a harsh whisper behind them. Turning around, he saw Janna ducking behind the corner, motioning him over with her head.

"Just a moment princess, I'll be right there." He called back. Turning back toward Joleen, he continued his conversation. Slapping her forehead, Janna decided that it was too late to keep the secret now, and stepped into the living room.

"Dang it Glossaryck, what are you doing?!" She groaned.

"Well your sister here is catching me up on The Second-Hand Crusade." He said, gesturing toward the cartoon playing on the tv. "I just might binge the rest of it tonight."

"No, I mean-" She started, before glancing in Joleen's direction, who had already stopped paying attention in favor of the television. "Would you just come here?"

"I suppose I can catch up later…" Glossaryck sighed, and floated behind the corner and into the hallway with Janna.

"Now what the heck was that?!" she harshly whispered once more, pointing her arm toward the living room.

"I already told you princess, I-"

"No not that, you know what I mean!" She groaned, frustrated at his antics. "Why were you talking to my sister? I thought we agreed that Joleen wasn't supposed to know about you… And stop calling me princess!"

"Oh, that. If I remember correctly, you said that you didn't want her to know about your _magic_. You never said anything about _me_." Glossaryck corrected. Before Janna could start her oncoming rant, he continued. "And besides, your little sister has known about me for the past month or so. Not my fault."

"She _what_?!" Janna almost yelled, a slight tinge of fear beginning to creep it's way into her stomach. If Joleen already knew about Glossaryck for that long, then chances are she'd already put the pieces together, and knew about her book. And if she already knew about her book, then that could only mean one thing… leverage.

"Glossaryck, I need you to do me a solid." Janna said after coming back to her senses, falling into full damage control mode. Checking around them to make sure Joleen wasn't listening, she continued. "Do _not_ let her know about this conversation. Like, at all. Not until I know what she has planned…"

"Janna, why are there people in the driveway?" Joleen called, nearly making Janna jump out of her skin.

Uh… I don't know, I'll go check it out!" She called back, grateful for the distraction.

* * *

Stepping outside, Janna was greeted to a sight nearly unrecognizable compared to what she was used to seeing. Her garage, except it had been converted into some sort of _actual_ storefront.

Amassing outside it was a similar group to her business yesterday, although slightly larger. But that wasn't what concerned her. Her concern was that, tacked onto the leaning, rickety infrastructure of her garage, _someone_ had erected a temporary wall. It baffled how how she hadn't heard it installed, but then again, her family were heavy sleepers.

The original garage door of the Russo household had long been completely broken, with the family preferring to leave it up to avoid finding the time or money to replace it. But in the place of the open gap that had been left the previous night, a plywood wall had been fitted in to fill the space. Not perfectly, mind - there was nearly a foot of space on either side, and it was being held upright via the wood braces it was nailed to on the ground.

And in the middle of it was a door, with a sign strung up on it that said "Sorry, We're Closed!" Janna's hastily spray-painted magic emporium sign had been put up next to it.

"'Scuse me, outta the way!" Janna pushed her way through the crowd and into the newly-erected storefront, clicking the door shut behind her - and inside was another treat.

Shelves. Fully stocked, more-or-less, plastic shelving had been put up in neat rows along the sides of the garage. Her original tables, their contents now neatly organized and spread out amongst the garage, were filling the space between them. In the center of the room, there was a threadbare rug with another empty table on it. And back against the opposite wall, standing behind an _actual cash register,_ was none other than…

"Marco," Janna caught his attention, smiling a bit at all the effort he'd obviously put into it. "Dude. When did you do all this?"

"Got here this morning, you guys must be heavy sleepers. I rang the doorbell like, six times!" Marco said, stepping out from behind the counter. "Anyways, what do you think? Grand enough for you?"

"Uh, yeah!" Janna grinned despite herself. "This is freakin' amazing, dude! Where'd you get all this stuff?"

"325 bucks buys you a lot at the warehouse supply store," Marco shrugged. "That, and we had some spare wood in the shed. Just had my dad bring it over here this morning, aaaand… here we are."

Janna stopped and stared at him for a second, and then back around at the store. "You didn't have to do that," she said, wondering if he was expecting her to reimburse him.

"You didn't have to sell all your magic stuff." Marco shrugged. "Now c'mon, we've got money to make!"

* * *

"Step right up, step right up!" Janna called, as they opened the doors to the garage. She'd pulled some random items onto her demonstration table, and began doing her darndest to make them seem like they were more than just random junk.

Picking up a tribal mask (likely purchased at a roadside stand), she began her spiel to the crowd in front of her. "What I've got here today is a mask that's been magically _guaranteed_ to strike sheer terror into the heart of any foe…"

While others spread out to browse the shelves, Marco took his place behind the register and began ringing up Janna's… customers. And although he couldn't deny the cashflow, something in his heart twinged as he rang up a man for a mask that would actually do _none_ of what Janna had advertised.

 _What was the old saying?_ He asked himself. _Let the buyer beware?_ But then again, that had gotten a lot of people sick, back when people had lied about food…

"And observe, a magic salve that can cure any illness!" Janna said, holding up a vial of water. "It can heal any wound! Solve any bodily issue! Or… something… here, let me show you." She rolled her eyes and turned away from the crowd for a moment.

"Janna!" Marco called from the register. "Can I talk to you for a second!"

"Uh, hold on folks!" Janna said, turning back and stuffing something back into her pocket. "Looks like I need a word with my associate!"

Stepping away, they conferenced in the corner of the garage.

"Thanks for the cover, dude," Janna muttered as she pulled up a sleeve on her sweater and withdrew a red magic marker from her pocket. "Wasn't sure how I was going to do this."

"Janna, we should stop." Marco frowned. One of their nearby patrons overheard and looked over, so Marco lowered his voice to match Janna's. "None of this stuff does what you say it does! Something could happen if it doesn't work!"

"Pssh, like what." Janna rolled her eyes. She shook the vial at him. "This is tapwater, Marco. Not like it's going to melt their skin or anything. Well, unless they're a wicked witch..." Taking the marker, she began to color her lower arm, surrounding a dark shade with some lighter strips, obviously trying to imitate a bloody gash. It was actually somewhat convincing, almost like she'd had some practice...

"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some water to sell…" She turned away and back towards the crowd. "Observe, this… arg, terrible wound which I've just inflicted upon myself…"

* * *

Later, after they'd temporarily closed the door to restock shelves, Janna joined Marco at the register.

"Whew!" She sighed. "Selling stuff is hard work. Wanna help me get some more from my house?"

As they headed inside, a small head poked around the doorframe, and Joleen quietly snuck into the garage.

* * *

"...look, I'm just saying, I really think we should wrap it up soon," Marco continued as they reappeared. They were both carrying heaping armfuls of stuff - and since they'd already somewhat thoroughly stripped the living room, a lot of it was old keepsakes from Janna's closet. Baby clothes? Well they were _enchanted_ baby clothes, now.

"The money's good, Marco!" Janna exclaimed, exasperated. "We should do this _every weekend._ "

Marco gulped, not quite enthusiastic about that idea. "Uh… no. Look, I put this shop together because it was fun at first, but people might really start getting messed up about it if we keep lying to them!"

Janna's head darted around, making sure that the few people still in the store hadn't just heard Marco's admission. "Keep it down!" She hissed, and dumped her pile onto a nearby table. "It's working, and you're getting half. Let's just not ruin a good thing, okay?"

As she made to head back to her carpet, Marco stopped her with a hand on her arm. Expecting a further lecture, she turned around, annoyed. And sure enough, Marco was standing there with a stern look on her face. "You're not going to just leave it like that, right?"

He gestured to the pile that Janna had just dumped, on the table beside the register. Marco had somehow managed to already categorize and label all of _his_ items, in the three seconds she'd been turned away.

"Uh, yeah, why?"

"How is anyone going to find anything in that?" Marco asked.

"Well… they'd look." Janna pulled her arm out of his grip. "Look, dude, fix it yourself if you want. I'm going to go get ready for the next crowd." And indeed, there were already people outside, visible through the glass.

As she stepped away, Marco turned to the pile, grumbling to himself, and began sorting the various items as Janna let in the crowds.

"Ungrateful…"

"Con-artist…"

"Should just stop…"

His murmurings were interrupted by a tap on the shoulder, and Marco turned to see a somewhat irate-looking man, holding a pair of running shoes that had probably once been Janna's. They'd been stretched and in some cases ripped, their toe-areas and sides all looking worse for wear. And the shoes probably hadn't looked the best to begin with.

"Welcome to Janna's Magic Emporium," Marco rolled his eyes as he recited a greeting. "Where the only thing limiting you is your imagination… can I help you?"

"Do you work here?" The man asked. Marco only stared, a face utterly devoid of any emotion other than disappointment in the question.

"I bought these shoes yesterday, and they don't seem to work. You guys said that they'd make me run three times faster, _and_ that they'd magically expand to fit my feet. They did neither."

Marco opened his mouth, and started on his standard spiel. "I'm sorry sir, but here at Janna's Magic Emporium…" He paused and looked at Janna, now hawking his old headgear as some sort of magical ward.

"Actually," he said, a self-assured smile growing across his face, "You'll need to talk to Janna about that. HEY, JANNA!" He shouted, far more loudly than necessary.

Janna stopped cold, the crowd moving to the sides to give her a line of sight. "Yeah?"

"I quit."

And with that, he left her with a bewildered look on her face as he stepped out of the front of the shop, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

"How could I _ever_ think that was a good idea?" Marco asked out loud as he walked off. There was a steady stream of people holding some very unusual objects heading the other direction, he noted. Like every person that they'd scammed the previous day had come back for a refund.

"Well, serves her right." Marco said to nobody in particular. " _Why_ did I think that was such a good idea? I knew what was going on! Ugh… money." Disgusted with himself, he shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets and kept walking.

* * *

As soon as the doors opened, the garage floor was flooded with patrons, Janna quickly taking her position on the rug for more "demonstrations." It wasn't long before there were clear shelves, but only a few hours later, and with an armful of more "artifacts" from her room, Janna started running into… problems.

First of all, there was the guy who Marco oh so kindly pawned off on her. The only way she could calm him down and keep him from making a scene was to give him a full refund, plus a little bonus to shut him up. Soon after, however, more and more people started showing up demanding the same.

There was one guy from her school who'd bought a red bracelet thinking that it would give him fire powers, like "Derrick," whoever that was. That one was on him, she didn't even tell him about any 'fire powers.' Why did 'magic bracelet' mean 'fire powers,' anyways?

Another woman came in, all in a tizzy that her truth telling pen hadn't answered her questions that she'd asked, hearing absolutely _none_ of Janna's explanations that she had to write the answer herself.

Before long, the line for refunds was nearly out the door, and Janna was almost out of cash. Her sales had completely dried up, and Marco's half of their illicit cash had already been spent on shelving and a proper wall for the shop.

 _Marco! He can help!_ Janna suddenly thought to herself, as she scraped the bottom of the register looking for change. She still had her own stash of cash, hidden away in her jacket, but it would take a lot more than some angry customers before she'd give that up.

"Uh, excuse me folks, I just need to go get… something…" Janna trailed off as she headed for the exit. She might have to (God forbid) _apologize,_ but if she could just get Diaz back into the shop…

This trail of thought was immediately interrupted as she slammed into a wall of annoyed customers, blocking her exit, each one shouting some customized (and in some cases, rather explicit) variation of the same thing: "You don't leave until we get our refunds!"

Sighing, Janna resigned herself to breaking out half of her own cash stash as she moved to the front of the register, hoping it would cover all the refunds. Ruefully looking at the extensive line in front of her, she somewhat doubted it would.

Suddenly, a burst of inspiration struck. The woman in front of her was gesturing and shouting something about the jar of marbles she'd sold her not _actually_ exploding when shattered. And she recalled her evening lesson with Glossaryck yesterday, after she'd closed up shop...

* * *

"Now Janna," Glossaryck said as he hovered in front of her, "illusion spells are some of the most versatile spells there are! But it's important that the wielder have a good _imagination._ Also, they only last a few minutes and don't take much effort. Good for parlor tricks!" He paused for a moment. "And you're probably going to need this one pret-ty soon, so let's get started."

"Uh, what does that mean?" Janna asked as Glossaryck snapped his fingers. A wooden disk appeared on the table, about 3 inches around and half an inch thick. Completely unremarkable.

"Oh, nothing, nothing." Glossaryck shooed away the thought. "Now then, I want you to turn this disk into a wooden _ball._ Imagine it in your mind! Envision what it will look like. Then repeat after me…"

* * *

Snapping back to the present, Janna couldn't help but remember that she hadn't actually managed to turn the disk into a "ball." She'd certainly been able to _mess with it…_ some notable shapes included a square, a banana, a set of chains, and she'd even managed to make it look like it had caught on fire, after she'd gotten frustrated. But no ball.

 _Well, desperation is a pretty good motivator,_ she thought to herself as she prepared for the incantation.

"Oh, that's a shame, the incantation must've worn off," Janna told the customer with a voice dripping with false sympathy. "But don't worry, I can fix it."

She took the jar of glass marbles into her hand, staring at it intently. She had no idea if this would work, but it was at least worth a try. Waving her hands around the jar, she tried to make her spell seem as dramatic and "enchanting" as possible.

" _Sensus omnes deci!_ " She recited, holding her hand up. As she casted her illusion, she focused her attention on the marbles, willing them to explode when they touched the ground. Of course they wouldn't actually _explode,_ but it should seem that way to whoever threw them down.

Panting heavily in an effort to seem exhausted from the spell, she handed the jar back to the lady. "Be careful not to use those in a ten foot radius of anybody else." She advised. "The cul-de-sac should work."

And sure enough, when the lady walked out to test one of her marbles, she jumped back in surprise when it bounced off the ground. Laughing maniacally, she began to run around the area throwing marbles on the ground. She was laughing louder and louder with every "explosion," and started to yell something about a guy named Jim finally getting what he deserved.

"What's she doing?" One of the customers asked, the majority of them distracted for the time being. This was the perfect opportunity to get some help! Snatching her phone from the counter, Janna called out her instructor.

"Glossaryck, quick! I need a spell that can-"

Before she could finish, a loud crash echoed from the back of the garage.

"Dang it Joey, get outta there!" Joleen yelled, skidding to a halt in the doorway and running into the house.

"What the heck was _that_ , Joleen?!" Janna asked, running over to pick up the tipped-over shelf.

"Hold on Sis, a little busy at the moment!" She called back, frantically looking around the garage before locking on to her target. "Aha!" She dove onto whatever it was she was chasing, and wrestled it into her arms before shouting in victory. "Yes! Gotcha!"

Once she stood up, everyone gasped at what she was hugging to her chest, as she was almost squeezing the poor thing to death.

"Joleen, what is an _imp_ doing in our garage?" The older sister asked, not so fond of the little red monstrosities ever since her encounter with them in the underworld. They looked like what you'd think they'd look like - red, leathery skin, shriveled little mean faces, speared tails, blackened teeth, horns and hooves, and tiny little wings that could only support their weight for a few moments.

Only just now realising she'd been caught, Joleen began sputtering, looking for an excuse. As manipulative as the little girl could be, she wasn't the best at improvisation.

"I uh… I found it?" She answered, trying to put on a cute smile.

"Yeah, sure you did." Janna said smugly, possibly finding a loophole out of whatever her devious sister had planned. Trying (and failing) to come up with a logical explanation for the crowd that had gathered to stare in awe at the miniature pair of troublemakers, she decided to just leave them in their stupor while she could. "Uh... I'll be right back with you guys! Just gotta take care of something real quick!"

Grabbing Joleen's shoulder and pulling her back into the house, she began to pry for information.

"Okay seriously, where'd you get that... thing?" Janna asked, narrowing her eyes at the imp.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I told you I just found him." Joleen said stubbornly, hugging it closer. "And he's not a _thing,_ his name is Joey."

"Joey." It mimicked in a high and raspy voice, clawing at the air towards Janna.

"Okay, where'd you get _Joey_? I know you didn't just find i… _Him,_ " She corrected herself before her younger sister could. "Marco told me you were poking around in the garage..." With that, her eyed widened and she grabbed Joleen's shoulders. "Did you mess with my phone?!"

"Jeez, no!" She said, shoving Janna off her. "Whatever, I just read from one of your stupid spellbook thingies on the shelf!"

"Wait, what?" She asked, confused. "But those aren't real."

"Actually, Princess," Came Glossaryck, wriggling his way out of Janna's pocket. "that one was."

"No way…" Janna said, turning back to Joleen and shaking her shoulders once again. "Which one was it?"

"I don't know, it was the red one!" She yelled back, annoyed at her older sister's interrogation. "I think it said Bestry or something!"

"Bestry…" Janna thought aloud, dropping her sister to the ground with a thump to stroke her chin. "Yeah, Sir Harvey's Bestiary!"

"Yeah, that one." Joleen said, before shouting when Joey escaped from her arms once again. "Ah! No, wait!"

As she ran back off into the house after her devilish pet, another thought occurred to Janna.

"Hang on," she said to Glossaryck, "I tried, like, every spell in those books. There's no way any of them were real."

Glossaryck shrugged. "Paperback spellbooks are notoriously unreliable. Not like mine is. Well, was…"

"You got a problem with my phone?" Janna asked suddenly.

"Problem? No! Well… it's a bit like living in an old mansion… and then moving into a modern condo." Glossaryck mused. "Not bad, not bad!" He assured Janna as he saw her glare. "I love your apps, it's just, erm, ahem, well… gotta go."

He zipped back towards her pocket and Janna held a hand up to stop him. "Woah, hold on there, bud. I need your help."

Glossaryck slowly rose back up. "Yes, well, I suppose, but I was in the middle of a _game_ , and -"

"I need spells to help get all that junk that people bought out there to do what I actually said it does." Janna interrupted.

"Mm, yes, well, have you considered refunds?"

Janna rolled her eyes. _"Yes!"_ She said, exasperated. "I'm out of money."

"Completely out?" Glossaryck asked innocently, reaching into her other pocket and pulling out a wad of cash. "Or just mostly?"

Janna quickly grabbed the money and stuffed it back down. "Completely." She deadpanned. "So can you help?"

Glossaryck smiled. "From one magic-wielder to another, Princess, I've gotta say." He leaned in close, "You're using this stuff exactly the way I would." He winked. Floating up, he stuck himself firmly into Janna's hair, concealed beneath her beanie but still able to speak to her. "Alright, I'll give you the spells you need," he said. "But they'll be temporary! And they'll probably tire you out quite a bit."

"Yeahyeah, whatever," Janna said as she rushed back out into the garage. She'd only meant to be gone for a minute or two, and that was already too long.

Fortunately, it was just as she'd left it - her worthless junk was still on the shelves, and the shop was full of very angry customers. Wait, why was she glad they were still here, again?

"Sorry about that, folks," Janna said easily as she took her place behind the counter. There was only a moment before she was accosted by the same upset man she'd left standing there, only a few minutes ago.

"Um, you said that this would let me commune with nature," he said, holding out a hairpiece made out of rose thorns. "But when I went down to the river I got attacked by ducks. I'd like a refund, please?"

Janna took the band into her hands, careful not to touch the thorns. From her hair, she heard Glossaryck whisper "Tempus livum."

Clearing her throat, Janna recited the incantation, and the branches in her hand began to grow, sprouting new leaves and even some small rosebuds to help cushion the crown. She handed it back to the man. "Try it now."

He set it on his head and his eyes immediately turned purple. "Thank you, mortal..." he said, possessed. "It is finally time to seek vengeance upon humanity for destroying the natural world."

He stepped out of the garage, small plants sprouting up from the concrete floor where he stepped.

"Uh…" Janna paused as the rest of the garage watched him go. As soon as he stepped outside, vines as thick as tree trunks sprouted up from either side of her driveway to crown his walk.

"It's temporary," Glossaryck whispered. "Don't worry about it."

Shrugging, Janna turned back to the line.

"Next!"

* * *

Despite his best interests, it proved harder than Marco thought it would be to just and up and quit on his bestie. So, after walking around the block (and deliberately pacing himself to ensure he gave her ample time to consider what a mess she probably was without him), Marco found himself at Janna's garage, again.

Or at least, it had once been her garage.

Something had gone terribly, horribly wrong.

Aside from a swirling purple deathmist hovering above the house, the driveway was flanked by thorny vines the size of tree trunks. The plywood door that Marco had put in place was still intact - which was strange, considering that there had apparently been an explosion strong enough to blast a few new holes in the roof.

Inside, there were screams of terrified would-be customers.

Slamming the door open, Marco prepared himself for the carnage sure to have appeared inside, and wasn't disappointed.

Several of the shelves had been overturned, along with most of the tables. Various circumstances had befallen some of the shop customers, with others running around in terror. Three were stuck up to their heads in the concrete floor, while two more were being chased by what appeared to be… books with teeth?

Swarms of unidentified tiny bugs of some sort were clouding the lights on the ceiling, and in the center of the floor, a baby was standing with his arms outstretched, laughing maniacally.

"Uh, Janna?" Marco called, realizing that his voice fell utterly flat compared to the cacophony of pure chaos. "JANNA!" He shouted.

"Oh come on, it's not that bad!" Janna shouted from across the room as she pursued the ravenous books. Tackling one to the ground and flattening it, she immediately jumped up and ran after the next one.

Marco made his way through the chaos of the store floor, being careful to pick his way around the heads in the ground. For a brief moment, the figure of a man flashed around the garage, seemingly teleporting to wherever he looked.

"Janna!" Marco caught her as she ran past, an outstretched arm serving to deter her from running after the book as it pursued its two victims out the front door.

"Marco!" Janna glanced at him. "We've got stuff to talk about but now really isn't the time!"

As if on cue, the bugs descended from the ceiling and began to swarm around the few remaining terrified shop-goers. The baby in the center of the room was still cackling madly.

"The kid!" Janna dove towards the center of the room, only to be pushed back by a swarm of… little tiny evil cupids? Marco inspected them closer, and sure enough, they were little itty bitty angels of love, complete with the love bow and arrow. And sporting some extra demonic qualities, as well.

Swatting them away, Marco quickly pulled up his hood to keep them from messing with his ears, Janna batting them away in her own swirl of chaos.

"Janna, what the heck is going on?" Marco called out over the chaos.

"Uh, I ran out of money!" Janna lied. "So I figured I'd just make all the stuff work and do what it said it would! Except it did - blegh!" She did her best not to bite down as a cupid flew back out of her mouth, disgusted.

Marco continued swatting his own little cupid enemies out of the air as they made their way to the baby. "Wasn't the whole point of this to NOT sell magic items?" He shouted, irritated. This wasn't even _that_ unusual to him, anymore. With Janna, it was almost expected.

"Yeah, well -" whatever Janna was going to say next was cut off by the cupids forming up into a solid swarm in front of her, obviously intent on pushing her back.

As they charged, Marco dove for the baby, cradling it safely in his arms. The demonic cackles subsided almost immediately, turning back into the normal giggles of an excited child.

The swarm dissipated just before it hit Janna, the little angels fluttering back up to the ceiling. The baby's mother immediately swooped in from a corner, grabbing the child and fleeing. The remaining denizens of the garage weren't far behind her.

Marco stepped back to catch his breath, Janna joining him. After a moment, she managed to give it a thought: "well, at least I didn't have to refund the rest of them."

Marco plopped down in front of an overturned table, the remaining magical "artifacts" now scattered around the garage, where they would likely stay for the foreseeable future. If there was one thing Marco knew, Janna wasn't one for cleaning.

"And you're not worried about all the _stuff_ we're going to have to go find, now?" He asked incredulously.

"Relax, Marco!" Glossaryck fluttered out from where he'd been hiding in Janna's hat. "You don't think I would've given her those spells if they were _permanent?_ "

Janna glared at him. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Why _did_ you give her those spells, anyways?" Marco asked, annoyed. Considering Glossaryck probably had hundreds of years of an age advantage on him, he was pretty annoyed that _he_ was still supposed to be the responsible one.

"I wanted to test her abilities!" Glossaryck smiled, and turned to Janna. "And I'm pleased to say that you passed with, I dunno, gliding colors? Not quite _flying_ , but yeah, you did pretty good."

"Gee, thanks." Janna rolled her eyes, sat down and slumped back against the table, where she was shortly joined by Marco.

For awhile they just sat quietly, observing the shop in front of them while they thought about what a mess they (Marco) would have to clean up.

"Hey, Marco," Janna said after a bit.

"Mm."

"Sorry about not listening to you," she said. "Turns out scamming people doesn't work if you're gonna stick around afterwards." She managed a halfhearted smile, which Marco didn't notice. They receded to silence again, after a moment.

Marco gave her apology some thought. It was _technically_ what he'd come back for, but it didn't really feel all that good. Why was _he_ always the voice of reason?

"Oh." Janna's voice came suddenly, and she fished around in her jacket pocket. Pulling out a wad of tightly packed bills, she handed it over. "This is yours. You bought all this stuff. And I kept spending your money. Makes sense that it's yours."

Marco took the money wordlessly, and bit back a remark about her keeping money instead of just refunding everyone. _No more voice of reason!_ He thought to himself decisively. From now on he was Marco Diaz, wild child!

"You're not gonna, like, say anything?" Janna asked hesitantly. Marco shrugged tonelessly, and she withdrew back into silence.

"Sorry for being so overbearing," he finally said. "Glossaryck's right. I need to lighten up."

This time it was Janna's turn to shrug. "You were right, but thanks."

She scooted towards him awkwardly, but before she could think of anything else to break the silence, there was a crash as Joleen skidded through the door and tripped into the garage. Her imp was bounding ahead of her, and landed straight on Marco's lap. He looked at it with surprise for a moment before jumping up. "GAAH!" He shouted, jumping behind the table. "What _is_ that thing?"

"Joey!" Janna and Joleen replied in unison, one without surprise, the other in annoyance. "And he's my pet imp, not a thing!" Joleen continued.

"Whatever it is, get it out of here!" Marco exclaimed, still glaring at it from behind the table.

Joleen lunged, catching the little thing between her arms and cackling. "GOTCHA!" Stepping up, there was now a very disgruntled imp head poking out from within her grasp. "Now next time, you're going to _listen_ to me, Mister." she said as she walked back into the house.

"Did you guys ever have, like, a dog?" Marco asked as she left.

"Pssh, no," Janna snorted. "Can you imagine? But anyways, scared of imps, huh?" She looked at him deviously, filing that information away for later.

"Don't try it," Marco leveled his gaze at her.

"Mmm…" Janna hummed tunelessly as she headed inside. "See you tomorrow, Diaz. Unless you wanted to stay over…"

Marco was already out the garage door. Janna could only roll her eyes after him.

* * *

 **And that's that! Like I said, long chapter! I gave thought to splitting it up, like the last time, but we didn't realize till it was already done and by that point it was like "eh!"**

 **First things first, we are going to start a tumblr for this story (and whatever else myself and SKL feel like posting) so keep an eye out for that! We'll make sure to link it here when we do it... mostly just making a note to hold myself accountable.**

 **We're also happy to announce that the final third of the first season has officially been brainstormed! We've got a lot of great content coming up for the last five episodes, so if you haven't yet, make sure to favorite the story! I'm really genuinely excited to be writing this last third, and we've already got some great ideas for the second season! Speaking of which...**

 **Just because we've already planned out the last part of this season doesn't mean we aren't looking for ideas! We can put them into the next chapters, or use them for S2, so if there are any more... advanced concepts you have in mind and you're worried they're too specific or wouldn't fit, don't be! There are no bad ideas! Mostly.**

 **Nothing specific enough for me to want to reply to since the last chapter, but keep the comments coming! I really appreciate the compliments, and love reading peoples' thoughts on our work!**

 _ **Next time on JVTFOE:**_ **With Joleen grounded and Janna and Marco otherwise unavailable to watch her, who is left but Glossaryck, of course! But when he has a meeting scheduled in another dimension, things get a little bit interesting. Meanwhile Jackie decides to help out her frog-man friend to find someone to watch the tadpoles, while he's off fighting, and Earth isn't exactly the best place for a Russian frog monster to pick up women...**

 **Tune in next week for the next episode: Cross-Dimensional Childcare!**


	13. Chapter 11: Cross-Dimensional Childcare

**Welcome one, welcome all, to the latest chapter of JVTFOE! I apologize in advance to anyone who got hit with a double-notification. I'm not sure if it sends those or not anymore, but we made some minor changes to Punk to Preppy, so if you got a notification of two chapter uploads, that's why. Virtually nothing important, there were just some errors where we called Janna Jackie and vice versa, that SKL wanted to fix. Go back and read it again if you want! :)**

 **This chapter places focus mostly on Janna's sister, Joleen. Cool beans - SKL actually went to the trouble of editing a picture of her together. She's like a smaller Janna! He doesn't like it that much. I love it. Tell him that it's good. See it here: bit(.ly)/2sq8o2h**

 **Important note: WE ARE LOOKING FOR A COVER ARTIST. We're also trying to start a Tumblr (by request), and would like to have some art done. We have the designs available on request, and it is PAID WORK. See the author's notes for more details.**

 **There's much to say about this chapter's quality. And why it took so long. You'll notice that there's no Buff Frog parts. Yeah. Long story. Read the notes at the end for more info.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

If there was a word to describe the face of the Russo sisters' mother, it would be "strained."

80% of the time, the strain stemmed from pure, work-related exhaustion. About 15% of the time, it stemmed from worrying about her finances. And the other 5% of the time, well…

"JOLEEN RUSSO!" Her voice cracked through the house like a whip, shattering Janna's early-afternoon peace. Or, really, what had been left of it.

With her younger sister bouncing through the house, chasing after an imp that had come from who-knew-where, peace might not've been the right word to describe her afternoon to begin with.

As Janna herself was quietly practicing some subtle magic in her room, some small paper birds, soldiers, and continually unfolding/refolding stars flapping around her head, she searched for the word that would've better described it.

Ah yes. Normalcy. Janna's household was strange. But weird things happening had become normal. Except, that is, for her mother actually being home to see them, for once.

Allowing the animated sheets of paper to flutter to the floor around her, Janna stood up and peeked into the hallway. She was just in time to watch Joleen fly into her room, her mother close behind.

Janna receded back into her own room, and quietly laid down on her bed. There weren't many things that could strike fear into the heart of the Russo sisters, but their mother on the warpath was certainly one of them.

Still, she could hear them through the walls as her mother berated her.

"I don't ask for much!" her mom shouted. "We live in a _mess._ The house is a _wreck._ The dishes need washed, and the couch needs vacuumed! But do I complain? No! So when I come home to find the dining room table _broken in half!"_

"It wasn't me!" Joleen whined. "It was Joey!"

"And who the heck is Joey?!" Her mother shouted. "Joleen Russo, you'd better not be having _boys_ over when I'm not here!"

There was a pause, and Janna put her pillow over her face in frustration as her mother shrieked. "What on Earth is _that thing?"_

"He's not a thing!" Joleen wailed. "He's _Joey!"_

"Whatever it is, I don't want it in this _house!_ I'll -"

There was a pause as her phone rang, and she stepped out in front of Janna's closed door to answer. "Yes." The anger in her voice had faded, replaced by the same exhaustion as usual. "Mm hmm. Yes. I can be there in 20."

The flip-phone flipped closed with a click, and there was a knock at Janna's door, making her wince. Ms. Russo poked her head inside, her older daughter composing herself and innocently flicking at her phone on the bed. In reality, Glossaryck was swatting at her thumb when it got too close, trying his best to complete his game of Gem Blasters.

"Janna, did you know about Joleen's… pet?"

"Her what?" Janna did her best to act mildly surprised.

Her mom snorted. "Yeah, like you didn't hear. Listen, I've gotta go back to work. And Joleen is grounded. For TEN THOUSAND YEARS!" She shouted back at the hallway behind her. Joleen huffed in the other room.

"Can you watch her while I'm gone? Keep her in her room, will you?"

Janna shrugged. She didn't have anything planned today. Just more magic practice. And Joleen was probably just gonna sit in the living room if she came out, anyways. As she responded, there was a knock at the front door. "Sure, mom."

There was a tone of relief in her mom's voice. "Thanks, sweetie. I'll bring home hamburgers. Love you!"

Out in the hallway, Janna listened as her mom opened the door and greeted Marco. There was a mumbling as she explained that she was just leaving, but Janna distinctly caught the words "keep her out of trouble" before the conversation ended.

After a moment, her mom's car clunked to life in the driveway, then slowly puttered down the street. As soon as it was gone, there was a bang as Joleen's door flew open down the hall.

"Joey!" Joleen shouted. "Joey, that's _mine!_ Get back here!" Her footsteps thudded towards the living room, and Marco shouted in annoyance as she knocked him against the wall..

Janna sighed, and opened the door to greet her buddy. "Hey, Marco." She said, unenthusiastically.

"Hey, Janna, your mom said something about you watching your sister?"

"Yeah, the little demon broke the dining room table, or something." Janna explained as she wandered past. Marco followed her out into the living room.

"Which one?" Marco joked.

"That's a great question." Janna deadpanned, glaring at her sister. Joleen was now sitting on the sofa with Joey in her fists, who seemed relatively content for the moment. He was holding a lock of her hair, nibbling at the ends of it and leaving it singed and glowing.

"So, guess you're not coming to my tournament, then?" Marco asked. He was doing his best to hide it, but Janna could hear a tinge of disappointment in her voice.

Swearing inwardly, Janna suddenly remembered why Marco had shown up. Why couldn't that boy get another phone so he could remind her of this stuff?

"Uhhh…" Janna's mouth hung open as she thought of a response. Shrugging, she turned back to her sister.

"Welp, Marco's got a karate tournament," Janna said carelessly to her. "And I'm gonna go. For, like, emotional support or whatever. So don't leave the house, I guess."

"Hey, hold on," Joleen said innocently. "What's in it for me?"

Janna glared at her. "You're already grounded. You get to walk around the house."

"Nuh uh." Joleen insisted, giving her sister a toothy smile. "I'm _already_ grounded. If word gets out that you let me leave my room, though, there might be… consequences."

"Janna, you don't have to come…" Marco hesitantly interjected. Janna waved him off.

"Hmm, you know, you're right." Janna returned her sister's devious smile, causing her to pause. "It would be _irresponsible_ of me to let you run around while you're _grounded._ "

Joleen's smile slowly slid off her face. "Janna…"

Janna pulled up her phone, to see that Glossaryck was still contemplating Gem Blasters. The speed of the game was frantic, his level well into the 900s, and his hands flying all over the screen as he tapped to keep up. "Glossaryck?" Janna asked cutely.

"Mm." Glossaryck barely glanced up at her as he ticked over to level 973. Then 974, 975…

"My sister is _grounded._ " Janna explained. Joleen stared daggers at her. "But I've got to go to this karate tournament."

"Well, actually," Marco began before Janna pinched his lips.

"And I can't just let my young, defenseless sister wander around by herself." Janna continued over Marco's muffled grunts of speech.

"Mm." Glossaryck ticked up into the 980s.

"So… can you, like… watch her for me?"

As Glossaryck's game ticked up to level 999 and his score approached the maximum number, he glanced up. "Um… yes!" He said.

Janna did a double-take. "Wait, really?"

"Of course!" He exclaimed. His score ticked up to the max number, and he abruptly stopped playing, causing him to lose immediately. "After all, what kind of magical protector would I be if I didn't take over your babysitting duties so you could slack off."

Janna unpinched Marco's lips at this point, and they both stared at him. "Of course," the genie continued, "I'm going to need… payment."

"Ah, there it is." Marco rolled his eyes and turned towards the door. "Catch up when you're done." He called over his shoulder.

Janna put on her bluffing face. Haggling was a Russo family trait, pounded into her at a young age by a mom too strapped for cash, and Janna wasn't about to let the tradition stop at her. "So what is it?" She asked. "Want a new book? A week's supply of pudding?" She'd realized quite a while ago that her mentor's passion for the substance was a weak point.

"Mm, no." Glossaryck stroked his beard and rose out of her phone. "Although the thought is _lovely._ " He patted her cheek, then pulled her face down towards the phone, where his other hand slid down his panel of high scores. "As you can see," he said, revealing a list of ten scores, each at 9,999,999,999,999, "Gem Blasters has… lost it's charm. So I'll watch your sister… if you download a new game for me."

Janna snorted. "What, that's it? Deal." As soon as the words left her mouth, she cursed herself inwardly. Thanks to a certain knowledge-demon, there wasn't exactly any _internet_ for her to download a new game on. And Glossaryck happened to live in her _pocket._ That wasn't a person she wanted plotting petty revenge. How was she going to keep up her end of that bargain?

Smiling, Glossaryck floated over to his sister. "Great! Come along, smaller sister! Lets go… play with dolls, or something." Stretching his hands out in front of him, they were suddenly the size of catcher's mitts, pushing Joleen off of the couch and back towards her room.

Janna shrugged. _Problem for tomorrow me,_ she thought to herself. _That girl's a sucker._

"So you're just gonna pawn me off on this blue guy?" Joleen called. "Janna, I'm gonna get you for this! I'm gonna get youuuuu!" The door to her room shut with a bang behind her.

Stepping towards the door, the thought of a new game was already sliding out of Janna's head as she headed off after Marco.

* * *

Only a few minutes later, Glossaryck chuckled bemusedly as Joleen struggled to pick the ten-pound lock that was holding her window shut. Elsewhere, the door had steel panels rolled down the front, and even the tiny ventilation shaft on the ceiling had been covered by a glass panel. He was half expecting her to strip down the carpets or start on a hole in the wall, next.

Joleen had not taken well to being locked in her room.

"Just give it up, kiddo!" Glossaryck said as he floated by. "I've been babysitting princesses for hundreds of years! You're not going to try something I haven't seen before."

He took a second glance to find her holding Joey up to the lock, trying to tell him to pick it. The demon was looking around the room and generally not paying attention as she instructed him. "Okay, so just put your hands in the little hole, and pull the mechanism. I think?"

Glossaryck mused on this. So they were stuck in this room. Maybe there was something that he could do to keep her occupied, anyways.

"Hey, kid, you want to learn to train that thing?" Glossaryck asked.

"Mm, no, I got it!" Joleen replied as she finished her instructions and released the imp. As soon as her hands opened, he bounced up and disappeared under her bed. "No! Joey! Ah, man…"

Glossaryck chuckled again. "You look like you're doing great!" He said with a wide smile.

Joleen glared at him. "I'd like to see you do better!"

"Mm." Absently stretching his hand out, he pushed out the brick of old clothes, trash and toys that the imp was hiding in from under her bed. Joey poked his head up and immediately dove back for the cover, before Glossaryck plucked him up out of the air by his wings. Face to face, the two were nearly the same size.

"The key is to be firm with it."

"Him." Joleen interrupted.

"Sorry, _him_. And to punish bad behavior. Imps are just like any other monster! They like food, and don't like punishment."

With Joleen begrudgingly watching, he addressed her pet. "Joey. When I let you go, you are going to stay exactly where you are. Do you understand?"

The imp was looking around again, not listening. Glossaryck released him, and like before, he dove for cover before being caught again.

Bringing him back to his previous position, Glossaryck slapped him across the face. Joleen was about to yell at him for being too hard on her cute little pet, until she remembered that the two were around the same size. And Glossaryck certainly wasn't a pet. Maybe Joey wasn't quite as pet-like as she thought to begin with. "No. Joey. Listen to me. You will stay exactly where you are when I release you," Glossaryck said.

Letting him go again, the little demon now fluttered in place on his tiny wings, glancing at the bed instead of moving. Certainly much more attentive. Glossaryck smiled. "Very good." Snapping his fingers, a corn kernel appeared in the imp's hands, which he quickly ate. "You can go."

The little demon immediately dove back beneath the bed, and Glossaryck looked at Joleen. "Now you try."

* * *

It'd been a few hours since Janna had left, and Glossaryck was starting to wonder how long the typical karate tournament actually was. If it had been anyone other than Marco, he would've been concerned that something was going on, but in truth, he'd hardly ever worried less about a princess than he had about Janna.

Joleen, in the meantime, was making leaps and bounds while she trained her pet. Well, leaps forward, and bounding back. She'd just start to get him listening to her, then he'd do something she thought was cute, disobey her, and they'd be back at square one.

The girl liked her little demon "toy." She didn't exactly command discipline.

 _Still though,_ Glossaryck thought as he snapped his fingers. Just as Joey's tiny hands popped the second lock on the window, a third one popped into place. _She's making progress._

"AAAAGH!" Joleen screeched in frustration. Joey immediately took off at the noise, flying up onto the ceiling fan. Glossaryck raised an eyebrow.

"Not very ladylike, young lady." He said.

Joleen glared at him. "Don't call me that. And besides, it's _so boooooring_ in here! I don't even have T.V.!"

Glossaryck rolled his eyes. "You know, none of the other princesses I've ever trained have had T.V."

"Don't call me that either!" Joleen snapped. "And why do you keep calling Janna that, anyways?"

"Mm. It's her… attitude." Glossaryck hummed. "She's got a certain… aura."

Joleen rolled her eyes. "If that's what you want to call it. _Oh, I'm Janna!"_ She said in a falsetto voice. " _Look at me! Life is boring, I love death! The only good colors are black, red and green, because that's what death looks like!"_

As Joleen pranced around the room, Glossaryck couldn't help but smile. She reminded him of a couple _other_ girls he'd spent time training, recently. It seemed this generation of maidens was full of troublemakers.

Disrupting this train of thought, his watch beeped at him, which he quickly glanced at. Suddenly, it came flooding back - a meeting with the magic high commission. He couldn't remember what the others had said they'd needed to talk about. Only that they had seriously disrupted his flow on Gem Blasters.

Suddenly clearing his throat, he cut Joleen off mid-tirade and interrupted. "Well listen kid, this has been fun but I've got a meeting to go to. Think you can just stay here for a few hours till I get back?"

Sensing her chance, Joleen immediately ran over and flopped onto her bed, Joey fluttering to a stop atop her lap a moment later. She tried to put on her best, most pure face of innocence. "Of course!"

* * *

As a portal opened on the platform just outside of a "local" Stardollars, the residents inside barely batted an eye. Hailing from dozens of species across multiple dimensions, the cafe itself was literally floating on a rock in space - magic portal being the only way to get there, it was hardly any more eventful than a car passing by a cafe on Earth.

As Glossaryck and Joleen stepped through, the younger girl immediately started to whine. Despite her cosmic surroundings and the bizarrely fascinating creatures inside the store, she wouldn't be deterred. Glossaryck being in charge of her was still _bad._ And that meant she was going to complain, no matter what.

"But why do I have to cooooome?" She moaned. Joey was now swaying back and forth from his position on her shoulder, a step up from being stuck within her balled-up fists.

Of course, that didn't stop him from immediately fluttering up and in through the double glass doors, as soon as he smelled their drinks. Joleen glared after him ruefully.

"Because I had a meeting I totally forgot abooooooout." Glossaryck whined back, mimicing her pouty expression. "But seriously, it's important, and the portal's technically still in your room, so - wait a minute. You're telling me you _don't_ want to go explore this place?"

Inside, against the far wall, an anthropomorphic sloth served drinks and dutifully called "Hey, no imps" as Joey dove into the small kitchenette behind him. The monsters around him varied in size and shape - from whales lumbering around on human legs, to actual, literal giraffes stretching up to the ceiling, to crab-monsters, to purple, two-headed things-with-horns. An enormous seating area was covered in chairs and tables of all shapes and sizes (some of which had other, much smaller chairs and tables on top of them), with the largest being the size of an entire room.

"Nope!" Joleen lied through her teeth.

Glossaryck rolled his eyes. "Fine! Whatever. I'll take you back to your room in a bit, once I'm done. Just… go get your imp and sit in the corner. And try not to break anything.

As they stepped through the doors, Joey fluttered back to Joleen's shoulder, the imp behind the counter watching it carefully. Joleen stuck her tongue out at him, causing him to sigh and go back to work.

Glossaryck put a small hand on her shoulder. "Oh, and don't mess with the sloths. They're kind of… pushy. Bye!"

With that, he zoomed off towards a table at the end of the room.

* * *

Despite the variety of clientele and the huge amount of changes to accommodate them, Joleen found out very quickly that the number of things she could do in an interdimensional cafe numbered in the single-digits.

To her credit, (in her opinion) she did try. She sat in the corner and very obediently trained Joey for _at least_ two minutes before getting bored.

But she had no money to buy a drink. Most of the monsters didn't speak any sort of language she understood. A lot of them didn't even have normal mouths. She'd taken a glance at one of the things talking to Glossaryck across the room - a man made of crystals, with snakes for hands. He was holding a cup of something, and he didn't even have a mouth to drink it with!

So it was that she'd quickly gone from training Joey to come when she called him… to training him to steal for her amusement.

"Alright, that one," she whispered, pointing to a monster who wasn't too close to any others. It was standing upright (technically), and resembled a crocodile in the head, with a skunk's tail and the body of a mildly overweight (female) early-40s middle manager. Around her wrists were small bands of enormous white marbles. Joleen kept whispering to Joey, who was happy to listen for once due to the promise of mischief.

After listening to Joleen for a few more moments, the little imp cracked a toothy grin and sneakily fluttered over to the crocodile-skunk lady. Once Joey got behind her, he latched onto her back and dug his tiny-yet-sharp claws into her shirt.

"W-what is that?!" She yelped in surprise, not being able to see the imp that was now attached to her. Getting no response from anyone, she began to panic and reach for her back, but her arms weren't quite long enough to reach Joey. "What _is_ that?!" She repeated much more loudly, catching the attention of one of the sloth waiters, who was carrying a tray of drinks.

"Uh, I don't think imps are allowed in here." He said, before setting a couple drinks on a table and continuing with his work.

"What? An imp?! Get it off!" She screeched, before desperately clawing at her back. "Getitoffgetitoff!"

"Sorry, I'm not supposed to touch customers when I'm handling food."

"You!" She yelled, pointing at Joleen. "Get this thing off me!"

"Get this thing off me…" Joleen trailed off with her hand, prompting the alligator lady to continue.

" _Please!_ "

"There we go." She said, walking over with a smug grin, and pulled the imp off her back. "And he's not a thing, he's _Joey_."

Without responding, the lady stomped off toward what Joleen assumed to be the restroom, grumbling about bratty little girls and unsanitary eating conditions. Once the monster was out of sight, Joleen burst out in laughter, taking the pearl bracelet from Joey's arms.

* * *

While Joleen was off teaching her pet various thieving methods, Glossaryck had more important matters at hand. He didn't quite remember what exactly those matters _were,_ but when the Commission was involved, the matters were usually quite serious. He sighed and floated over to their reserved table, hoping to get all this over with.

"Hey Glossaryck, thanks for coming," came the sarcastic voice of a flame demon, sounding more than a tad peeved. "I'm sure you were _really_ busy."

Sitting at the table in front of him was the majority of the High Commission: Lekmet, the old goat, Hekapoo, the fiery keeper of the dimensional boundaries, and Rhombulus the crystal guardian, none of them looking particularly happy.

"Hello children, how have you all been?" He said, ignoring Hekapoo's jab. Only receiving angry glares in response, he cleared his throat and continued. "I hope you've had a nice couple of-"

"Where have you been?" The fiery girl interrupted, growing impatient.

"So I take it you're not happy to see me?" He asked jokingly, before shifting to a more serious tone. "I was hoping you would trust me to do what I thought was best, but I guess that would be too good to be true, wouldn't it?"

"Trust _you_?! There's no way I'd-" Rhombulus began.

"Rhombulus, what did we _just_ talk about?" Hekapoo interrupted.

"But he-"

" _Rhombulus._ "

"..." He paused, trying to think of something to justify himself, before giving up and pointing a snake-hand at the small blue man. "You're lucky she stopped me Glossaryck, I _totally_ woulda kicked your butt!"

"Yes, I'm sure you would have." Glossaryck said dryly, diverting his attention back to Hekapoo. "Now can we hurry this up? I kinda have a kid to take care of."

"Seriously, answer my question. What were y-" Hekapoo started, before fully processing what he just said. "Wait, what?!"

* * *

"Now Joey, don't get _too_ close before I walk up to him, okay?" Joleen instructed her imp, who's thievery training had been making leaps and bounds in the short time they'd been there. "Wait till he bends over to help me up, _then_ take his wallet."

The imp listened raptly - it seemed that, with something common to bond over, the two had quickly made strides with their communications skills.

He fluttered towards the ceiling, and Joleen moved towards her target. The odd looking two-headed alien was barely more than a couple of eyestocks, and yet, the tufts of hair all over him unmistakably identified him as a male.

As he headed towards the door, Joleen fell over in front of him. A fake trip and she was on her face, having seemingly gone stiff as a board. "Oh! Aaah!" She feigned as she fell.

"Oh my stars!" The alien said in a high pitched, and yet, unmistakably female voice. "Let me help you up." Joleen rolled her eyes on the ground. She was glad that she didn't have to use a bathroom here - it would've been impossible to tell them apart.

As the alien helped her up, Joey fluttered down and filched a packet from her pocket. Joleen smirked as the alien looked concernedly at her. "Oh my, someone as old and decrepit as yourself should never be out in public alone! Can I take you home?"

Joleen immediately jumped away. "No, thanks, I'm fine but thanks for helping me BYE!"

She made it almost 15 feet before she ran face first into one of the sloth attendants. In his hand were the results of Joleen's various pilferings - and clenched in his other fist was her imp.

He sighed. "Ma'am, my manager wants me to tell you that you can't have imps or whatever… you've gotta either control it, or like, leave I guess... " he sighed. "I've been asked to show you out, or something, so if you can, like, go this way…"

Joleen panicked. "But I'm with him!" She pointed at Glossaryck at a far table. "He's the only way I can leave!"

The sloth sighed again and pushed her along. "Ok, well, I guess you've gotta sit with him, then…"

* * *

"Broken?" Hekapoo repeated.

"Broken." Glossaryck said. "Snapped in half like a christmas cookie! Honestly, haven't you been keeping up?"

"So then why were you on Earth?" She asked. "You could've helped us try to -"

Before she could finish her thought, they were rudely interrupted by the sigh of an attendant. Glossaryck turned to find him holding a girl by the back of her shirt. She had her arms crossed and a pouting look on her face, obviously not particularly appreciative of being carried around like a cat.

"Excuse me sir," he droned, "is this your human?"

Glossaryck glared at Joleen for a moment before rolling his eyes. He hadn't really expected anything less. "Yes, yes, just, put her over there in the corner, will you?" He asked.

The sloth sighed again and trudged over to another chair, just a few feet away dropping Joleen like a sack of potatoes.

"As I was saying…" Glossaryck continued.

* * *

While Glossaryck carried on about this-and-that, Joleen chuckled as she produced the wallet she'd filched from her pocket. Opening it up, she was quickly disappointed - it might've looked like an Earth wallet, but it sure wasn't filled with Earth money.

Instead she was greeted by a small bundle of leaves, a large coin that looked like it was supposed to fit into something, more of the alien's hair (gross), a photo of two small blobs with eyestalks that were presumably her(?) children, and a stamp card for the coffee shop in question.

She hadn't exactly pilfered a fortune.

Looking up though, she immediately spotted trouble, as the crocodile-lady was back to collect her marbles from behind the counter. The sloth working there shrugged and pointed in Joleen's direction, leaving the woman to stomp over in a huff.

Joleen gulped and quickly hid the wallet as she approached.

Joey, meanwhile, had other ideas. Joleen tried and failed to catch him as he fluttered away from her shoulders, and she bit her tongue and looked around anxiously as he headed towards one of the magical meeting members that Glossaryck was talking to.

He was hovering over her head, and she was too busy glaring at Glossaryck to notice. He flittered around a tiny flame sitting in between the horns of her head, before diving into the back of her hair.

Joleen's eyes bugged out of her head, and it was at this moment that the crocodile-lady reached the table.

* * *

"You know how _hard_ it is to track down a bloodline that old?" Glossaryck glared at the council in front of him. "Look, how about next time, you just give me a call or come knock on the door, instead of wasting everyone's time with -"

A loud "hmph!" sounded behind him, causing him to roll his eyes. It was the type of "hmph" that put the fear into the hearts of teenagers everywhere - the type that said "let me speak to your manager," or "your parents will be hearing about this."

Glossaryck, being neither a manager, teenager, nor technically a parent, had no time for it.

Rounding on a very irritated crocodile woman, he briskly asked, " _What?"_

She, too, was holding Joleen by the scruff of her shirt, the girl striking a very similar pose as before. "Is this your girl?" She asked.

Glossaryck rolled his eyes. "Only technically!" He said, annoyed.

"Are you aware that she's a _thief_?"

Glossaryck gave Joleen the stinkeye before rounding on the crystal-headed member of the commission. "Rhombulus?" He asked, holding out his small hand.

"Well what do want _me_ to do?" He responded, before slowly realizing what the little blue man meant. "Wait… no! I'm not gonna bail you out _every time_ -"

" _Rhombulus._ " Glossaryck said firmly, clearly irritated.

"Ugh, fine!" He groaned, before zapping a small diamond into the outstretched hand, and proceeding to pout.

"Here, this will cover… whatever it was." Glossaryck said, handing the diamond to the lady before shooing her off. "I don't care, just let me finish this."

Shrugging, the woman dropped Joleen on the ground and walked off.

Glossaryck glared at her and she slowly turned out her pockets, revealing the wallet and its valuables. He could only sigh and pinch his brow.

Opening a portal (off to the side, a sloth was slow to interject, "Hey, no portals in the dining… eh, whatever."), Glossaryck pointed to it.

"In you go." he said, ushering her along. Stopping just before she stepped inside, Joleen turned around to protest.

"Upupup!" He interrupted before she could say anything, quickly putting a finger to her lips. "Go to your room."

Joleen moped through the portal like a shamed puppy, with Joey following close behind with something hidden in his arms. Glossaryck shook his head as she disappeared. She most certainly would not be in her room when he got back, but hopefully Janna wouldn't ever know that.

Closing the portal, Glossaryck returned back to his chair, and cleared his throat.

"Now, as for the girl, I've been considering altering her training a bit..."

* * *

A couple hours later, another portal opened up in the middle of Joleen's room. After a couple seconds, Glossaryck came through with an exhausted look on his face. Looking around the room, the girl was nowhere to be found.

"Joleen?" He called, hoping that she was at least still in the house. After helping Hekapoo search for her scissors for almost an hour straight, he did _not_ want to search for a little girl too. "You still here?"

"Yup, I'm in here!" He heard her call back. Heading into the living room, he saw Joleen sitting on the couch, eating popcorn and watching some cartoon. He breathed a sigh of relief, and floated over next to her.

"Seriously, you couldn't just stay in your room for just a couple hours?" He asked, though he wasn't really sure what else to expect.

"It wasn't that," She said with her mouth full and pointed behind them. "Janna let me out."

In the kitchen where Joleen was pointing, stood Janna with her arms crossed, sending him a glare. Behind her was Marco, trying to hold back his 'I-told-you-so' face.

"What, you couldn't just watch her for a couple hours and make sure she didn't leave?" She mocked. "You said you'd watch her while I was gone. Not cool.

"Okay, I know what I said, but something important came up, alright?" Glossaryck explained.

"More important than making sure my mom doesn't freak out on me?" She asked, before looking out the window for a quick second to make sure her mom hadn't returned yet.

"Well… yes." He said. "And since you're here, why don't _you_ keep her in her room if it's so important?"

"I'm her sister, not her mom." She shrugged. "I'll just send her to her room when Mom pulls in."

Opening up the fridge and pulling out a pudding cup, Glossaryck continued. "Anyway, I'm sorry, alright? I even tried bringing her along with me, but she got kicked out of the place."

"Whatever, Mom's not home yet, so I'm fine." With that, Janna walked over to the couch and began to munch on popcorn with her sister, leaving Glossaryck and Marco in an awkward silence.

Finally, Glossaryck asked the important question. "...So does this mean I don't get that new game?"

* * *

 **So here in the JVTFOE studio, we have mixed feelings about this chapter.**

 **Before we say anything else: WE NEED A COVER ARTIST. It is paid work, and we have a design blueprint mocked up. And that means it's a rough (emphasis on ROUGH) sketch using my chickenscratch drawing skills. Artists must be able to match the show's style with a reasonable degree of accuracy. We have contacted over half a dozen artists now, and not one has responded back. Post suggestions or promote yourselves in the reviews, but we want to get things done. LET ME GIVE YOU MY MONEY DANGIT.  
**

 **Now then, the reason this chapter took so long: we wrote it not once, not twice, but three times. I believe the sequence went something like:**

 **"Oh, first draft."**

 **"Oh, these Buff Frog parts are taking up too much focus. We want to write Joleen more."**

 **"Oh, these Buff Frog parts are hard to write. Let's just take him out. And add more Joleen."**

 **So yeah, that's why it took so long.**

 **On the upside, I really love writing Joleen, and Glossaryck is always a blast. Their interactions are what carry this chapter.**

 **On the downside, it's a lot harder to write key dialog in the background that the main character isn't listening to. You can't just put in the murmurs and expect some people to not hear them, or lower the quality of the text somehow...**

 **It would've worked better in an animated medium. But eh, it is what it is. And what it is, is a bunch of POV-shifts. Still, I think it turned out okay.**

 **Tumblr coming in a few weeks! So you can actually see us make updates and stuff. We'll post fragments and do prompt responses there. It'll be neat!  
**

 **Comment responses!**

 **WootWoo: Thanks for the high praise! I hope this chapter hasn't tarnished that image. I guess every show needs filler episodes :P**

 **Guest: Loved that new idea, and we've put it up on the brainstorming sheet. We're hoping to fit it in to something. Thanks for the suggestion! Also, myself and SKL agree: you give us far too much credit. What? I mean yes, of course, everything is definitely intentional and those meanings you occasionally extract were written in intentionally! Of course!**

 **The Portal Passer: The meeting will happen! But perhaps not in the way we all hope... still, expect to see Star make an appearance, sometime soon^tm.**

 ** _Next Time On JVTFOE:_ IT'S HERE! IT HAS ARRIVED! THE GRAND STRIP MALL KARATE TOURNAMENT! Amidst the shows of strength and skill, rich-boy Jeremy Burnbaum is taking on all comers - can Marco win the day, and earn his red belt? Probably not, otherwise, how would we fit in the training montage?  
**

 **Tune in next week for the next episode: Red Belt!**


	14. Intermission: CDC Extra Scenes

**Hey y'all! SKL decided that what we had written for the Buff Frog half of the chapter was still worth something, and edited together into an intermission. Looking on it now, I agree, and I'm glad he did. Thanks, SKL!**

 **New chapter next week, maybe. More notes at the bottom, like always. Enjoy!**

* * *

The good thing about the internet being gone, Jackie had decided long ago, was that there was at least a chance for everyone to look up from their phones every once in awhile. Though she had to admit - being as tied as she had been to her own cellular device, the transition had been a bit of a shock.

But now, months later, it was like her head was out of a fog. She never felt obligated to go online and do whatever. Her gaming experience, now lacking the toxicity of other people, had improved significantly. And she could still call and text when she wanted! But the best part was finding a new way to spend the time. Some of her classmates had started playing sports. Writing. Building models. The skate park had exploded in popularity. And her? Well, she'd joined a book club.

So it was that, heading to the Echo Creek Public Library on her skateboard, a book under her arm and an ocean-green sweater and jeans for the cold, she found herself looking forward to a November afternoon without internet, far more than she ever thought she would.

On the front steps of the building, Buff Frog sat drooping and alone. This was unusual - when he did show up, he was usually the most boisterous of the group, eager to share his take on whatever Y.A. novel they'd been reading that week. But there he was, frowning, near tears as the various other patrons of the library walked past him and tried their best not to acknowledge his existence. Even for Echo Creek, a crying frog-man was… weird.

Jackie, however, immediately dismounted and plopped down next to him. "Sup, dude?"

Buff Frog looked at her. "Ah, Jackie." He said, doing his best effort to be stoic. As she was practically the only person in the multiverse who called him by his real name, hers was the only name he had also bothered to learn - aside from his master, of course. "It is nothing. Go inside."

Jackie set her board down at her feet and played with it for a moment, prepared to wait until he was ready to open up. As it turned out, that only took about 5 seconds.

"It is buff babies!" Yvgeny wailed suddenly, bursting into tears. "I have work, and errands and life! Cannot afford sitter for book club too!"

Jackie blinked as he put his head into his hands and sobbed. This was… a first. She patted his shoulder awkwardly. Sure, she was friends with the guy, but how was she supposed to comfort a giant anthropomorphic bullfrog? A bucket of vanilla ice cream with extra flies?

Hesitantly, she tried anyways. "Oh, that's… too bad." She said awkwardly. "But I'm sure you'll… find a way?"

Buff Frog sniffed and looked at her. "You think so?" He asked.

"Sure!" Jackie replied, trying her best to act confident. "I mean, you're… resourceful? I don't think you'll have any problem figuring something out."

Buff Frog seemed to cheer a bit at this, but then his lower lip trembled again.

"You… you want to see babies?" He asked hopefully.

"Um… sure!" Jackie said, not really sure what to expect. Truthfully, she hadn't even realized that Yvgeny _had_ kids. Froglings. Tadpoles? Whatever.

Buff Frog fumbled with his phone for a moment (turns out a lot of monsters had them) and opened a page. "Okay. Here is babies," He sniffed. "This is us, so happy together, last summer…"

* * *

Almost an hour later, Buff Frog had perked right up, as he continued to scroll through pictures. "Oh, and here is Katrina last week!" He said happily. "And look at her, in her little winter coat!" He cooed as he looked at the picture.

Jackie, for her part, had begun staring off into the distance, contemplating the merits of giving herself a lobotomy with her skateboard. She started zoning out even further, drowning out Buff Frog's voice in the process. How did lobotomies even work? How long would a doctor have to train to be qualified to perform one? What would-

"What will I do?" He asked, breaking her out of her little trance. "I love book club! Is only place I have good friends!"

"I'm sure you can find _someone_ ," She comforted, trying to act like she was listening the whole time. "Actually, it shouldn't be too hard to find someone here on Earth who would watch your cute little… tadpoles?"

"Could… could _you_ watch them?" He looked at her, shooting her some big, puppy-dog eyes. She immediately paled, and began sputtering at the unexpected question. There were only three things in her life that she couldn't try to be responsible for. Kids. Pets. And boys with attitude.

She was _terrible_ with children! Especially the smaller variety. It wasn't that she didn't like them, but she did _not_ like the idea of being held accountable for the well being of a small child. Particularly when that "child" wasn't even human. Did frog-babies even _wear_ diapers?

"I d-uh…" She stuttered, trying to think of an excuse as all this flashed through her mind. "W-well I…"

"I have nothing to pay with, so I understand if you don't want to." He said, seemingly brushing off the idea.

"No it's not that, it's just… I don't know, I'm just not good with kids."

"That is okay, babies can entertain selves." He reassured.

"No, I mean I don't know if I can take care of them." She explained. "I'm, uh…"

"No no, you do not need to explain," Buff Frog cut her off before she could put her thoughts into words. A relief to Jackie, as her exact thoughts at that moment had been: 'what would she do if she accidentally locked herself out of the house and then burned it down?'

He sighed in disappointment. "I guess I must just resign from club. Other priorities."

Jackie frowned. "Don't they have like, a mom? You gotta have someone else to help."

"No. Ludo gave me babies." Buff Frog replied simply. Jackie stared at him and was only just beginning to understand the logistics of that statement before he added on: "As gift. For helping retake castle."

"Oh." Jackie said, blushing slightly. That was still weird, but not… she let that train of thought trail off into the distance. "Well, that makes more sense. Well, do you have a girlfriend or something?"

Buff Frog looked at her quizzically. "On Mewni, frog-men do not have "girlfriend." We must prove ourselves through trials to be worthy mate for female. There is jumping challenge, strength challenge, eating challenge, croaking challenge -"

Jackie smirked. "Yeah, we've got… something like that here. But hey man, I can help you find someone! I'm sure there's loads of girls that'd be down to watch cute little frog-baby things."

"You think so?" Buff Frog looked up at her as she stood up.

"Know so." She offered him a hand. "Let me take you around town, and we'll see what we can find."

Stepping up, he looked at her, dead serious. "Jackie. Thank you. This club is only place where I have such good friends. I will repay you."

Then, without pause, he bounded away excitedly. "Let's go find a baby-watcher!"

Jackie took a moment to process this statement before smiling. Even frog-men needed friends.

* * *

Arriving at the park, Jackie led Buff Frog to a bench where a brown haired woman was sitting, and throwing a ball for her three dogs.

"Alright," Jackie started in a hushed voice. "This lady looks like she would make a good babysitter for your kids. She has a few dogs, so she's at least got-"

"Hello, will you watch my babies?" He asked the woman from behind, causing her to turn and see a seven foot tall frog man with a wide smile, complete with with sharp, pointed teeth. She stared for a good few seconds before letting out a bloodcurdling shriek.

"AIIEEEE!" She backed up a few steps, before looking back at her dogs, and suddenly had a brilliant idea.

"Baxter! Dashwell! Simon!" She shouted, pulling leashes from her pocket. She flipped the lid of a trashcan down onto the ground, leashed the dogs, and screamed, "mush! Save mommy!"

In moments, the dogs were on the move, pulling her away at a breakneck pace.

In their trail of dust, Buff Frog looked after her hopefully. "Okay!" He shouted. "I'll see you soon!"

Sitting down on the bench, he looked at Jackie, who was staring at him with an open mouth and arched eyebrows. "I think that went well." He said confidently.

"Uhhh…" Jackie shook her head, coming back to her senses. "I mean, I think you laid it on a _little_ bit thick there, bud."

"Oh. You do not think she was running to go get ready to watch babies?"

"No." Jackie said. "Actually, I think she was running in, like, terror. Because… nevermind. Listen, let me tell you something about Earth girls."

Buff Frog shook his head. "No need. Is simple. On Mewni, frog-men make proposition to females. Females accept or decline, and frog-men move on."

"Mm." Jackie considered this. "Well, Earth girls aren't like frog-girls. You've gotta… talk to them. Get to know them. But you don't want to get too personal immediately either, y'know?"

"Yes!" Buff Frog looked at her. "Actually, no. Not at all."

Jackie grimaced. This was going to be a long afternoon.

* * *

As they walked towards the diner, several hours later, Jackie was continuing to explain herself. Or, trying to. As she tried (and failed) to explain the intricacies of human courtship,but Buff Frog's confusion was only growing more paramount.

"Wait, so…" he stopped her explanation to clarify. "Human girls like to be known, but I should not try to be 'personal.'"

"Yep!" Jackie said, absently popping an ollie down some stairs as she rode her board next to him.

"Ah. ...I am confused."

"Think of it like -" before Jackie could respond further, their conversation was cut short by a small fireball shooting between them, causing the two to jump away from each other. They looked back just in time to see an angry Marco jump in front of her.

"Jackie, get back!" He barked, squaring off with the frog-man, who was preparing to fight the karate-boy for the third time. "Are you alright? Did he hurt you?"

"What the-? Marco, I'm fine, we were-"

"HYYYEAH!" He cried, leaping forward into a side kick that narrowly missed Buff Frog's head. As soon he landed on the ground, he immediately ducked down to dodge a large fist, and went to sweep his opponent's legs.

"Guys stop it, what the heck?!" Jackie yelled, and tried to rush in and break them up, only to be pulled back by Janna.

"It's alright Jackie, we got this!" Her friend said before rushing forward herself, reading out loud from her phone.

" _Lignum solidum robur!_ " Janna's voice echoed, before she sent a yellow beam of light from her hand.

Seeing the incoming beam, Marco jumped away before it struck Buff Frog's back. The moment it hit, it exploded into a mess of sticky sap which covered the monster from his calves, all the way up to his shoulders. To make matters worse, the sap immediately started to harden, halting his movements even further. Lacking any way to balance himself with little more than his ankles exposed, he toppled over onto the ground, incapacitated.

Marco went in for a kick from above, intent on knocking him out before he could break free, but was forced to veer off course as Jackie slid in between them. He crashed to the ground instead, and Jackie shouted: "Cool it, guys!"

"Ow…" Marco moaned.

The sap covering Buff Frog, now completely hardened, easily cracked and shattered as he flexed himself free.

Janna glared at him. He glared back, teeth bared. "Jackie," Janna said, "explain."

"He's in my book club!" Jackie hurriedly said. "Besides, he's just a frog-guy! You can't just, like, attack people on the street!"

"He tried to steal my book!" Janna replied.

"Twice!" Marco said from the ground, still nursing his arm.

"Twice!" Janna corrected herself.

"Well he's not trying to do it now!"

"Mm." Janna kept glaring at the monster. "Alright. This time." She pulled Marco to his feet, who was similarly giving Buff Frog a death glare.

"Watching you…" he hissed.

"Shoo!" Jackie pushed them away. "Go… do something else."

They watched each other as Janna and Marco rounded a corner, disappearing from view. Only then did Buff Frog relax.

Jackie shook her head. "Sorry about that. Don't know what got into 'em. They're usually pretty chill."

"No need," Buff Frog kept watching the corner where they left. "Is true. I tried to steal book."

"Really?" Jackie raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. Three times."

"Mm."

"But, this raises larger concern. I believe… I do not "fit in" on Earth. I will not find suitable babysitter here."

"Oh, c'mon man," Jackie said halfheartedly. Though she knew that, realistically, her companion was right.

"No, it is true." He sighed. "If only book club did not take place in top-secret facility like library."

"Wait, what?" Jackie asked, not having any idea what he was on about.

"Yes, then I could bring babies with to book club." He lamented, causing the gears to start turning in Jackie's head.

"Wait a sec, I think I…" She thought out loud, before slapping her forehead. "I'm an idiot."

"What is it? Did you find way to get babysitter?" Buff Frog asked hopefully.

"Not exactly." She mumbled, a little embarrassed she hadn't thought of it before.

"Then what makes you idiot?" He asked, wondering if he was missing some sort of earthly sarcasm.

"Kids are allowed in the library."

* * *

 **So there's that. Originally it was going to be a big mess with Jackie meeting Joleen in the coffee shop, and Glossaryck sending the two home together. But we never got that far before we scrapped the concept, so SKL just figured he'd end it here. Like, that's a pretty big plot-hole that it took us LITERAL MONTHS to notice. Go figure.**

 **Still looking for artists for cover art btw. Seriously, we'd be willing to throw a hundred+ bucks at this or whatever the artists' usual rate is. We aren't skimping. Leave suggestions.**

 **Comment response time!**

 **Restless Collector: I agree. Janna has her outbursts of emotion, but her default state is kinda... nonplussed. We're trying to show Joleen as a younger Janna, with a wider range of emotions. Less moody, more energetic. I think it would've been better expressed in a visual medium, but it is what it is. Janna's constantly keeping her cool, mostly annoyed or excited, and Joleen is a lot more likely to blow her top. And thanks for your suggestion! Janna's mom is definitely going to appear prominently in an episode later on, along with Marco's parents. Let's just say that sometimes parents might... misconstrue things.**

 **TooLazy2Write: We're always looking for ideas! No guarantee that it'll get written, but if it's a neat idea we'd love to hear it! We're still filling out the slots for Season 2! Never know, it might also end up as an intermission or something :)**

 **Guest: You know what's funny? I can't speak for SKL, but I've never actually seen Lilo & Stitch - the show or the movie. So I guess we're just following the footsteps of successful media unintentionally. That's very gratifying. Like someone saying "hey, this is like Disney quality!" when I'm not even imitating that format. I mean, I am imitating Disney, but not L&S specifically... anyways, thanks. Compliment appreciated.**

 **I like the idea of Russo being the maiden name. Although we don't actually know if Janna has a dad who's around in-show, do we? Not yet, anyways. For now I'm going to leave it unaddressed. Janna Russo is _my_ version of Janna. A testament to the fact that we gave her good development before the show did. Point of pride.**

 **Guest Sorta: Post results.**

 **WootWoo: Me and SKL are toying with an idea like this. Guest posted a great suggestion for a sort of storybook-gone-awry plotline a few weeks ago that we've got up, and I may integrate it into this idea. Really in love with the mentality aspect in particular. Thanks for the suggestion!**

 **As always, thanks for the faves and reviews! This last chapter especially, I've seen a notification for this story on my phone at least once a day pretty much every day since our last post. It means the world. Keep 'em coming!**


	15. Chapter 12: Red Belt

**Hi Yall! Remember when I said I'd have this done "next week?" That was funny, huh?**

 **Well, the good news is, I lost my job and that means I'm officially working for myself, now. And one of my life goals is to spend more time on this story. So with a better vision and more time to do it, that means it's time for me to just... do it.**

 **Did you all see the S3 premiere? I did. Hated it. So I'm also now doing this story out of a drive to prove I can write better. My standards are higher than the Disney creative department's! Ha ha!**

 **This chapter takes place during the same time as the last one - while Joleen takes her magical meeting with Glossaryck, Janna and Marco attend a tournament. This is their story. Also, it's early winter, just in case that wasn't established (it probably wasn't). More notes at the bottom, enjoy.**

* * *

There weren't many days that had Marco Diaz bounding home from school. A casual walk? Sure. An exhausted slog? Absolutely. A miserably drained mess? Very occasionally. But Marco Diaz walking home with a smile on his face, a spring in his step and a walk that could outpace the Echo Creek Academy track team?

Something special was going on.

Bursting in through the front door, his parents (lying on the couch and watching TV together) smiled at him.

"Hello, Mijo!" His father greeted him. "Have a good day at school today?"

"Nope!" Marco said cheerfully, thinking of the events of the last 7 hours. He'd slipped in a mud puddle and faceplanted after his nod to Jackie, gotten locked out of the bathrooms, been stuck in front of Skullnick's chalkboard on at least three separate occasions, Janna had spent the day trying to convince him to shave the left side of his head, and he had extra homework assigned.

But today was special for another reason.

"Ready for your karate tournament tonight?" His mom asked him, smiling.

Marco lightly tossed his backpack down and threw some punches at the air. "You know it! Today's finally the day where I kick Jeremy Birnbaum's butt!"

 _And without a monster arm this time,_ Marco thought to himself. _Hopefully._ There were still hours left in the day.

"Ah, well, we'll see you there!" Marco's dad smiled at him as Marco headed upstairs to clean up. _This was finally the day…_

* * *

Approaching Janna's house, Marco winced as he heard screaming from inside. He wondered what Janna had done this time to invoke her mother's ire - usually, she was barely home to see the damages.

Allowing the shouting to die down before knocking, Marco examined himself. He was freshly showered, still wearing his trademark red hoodie - the karate Gi was in a bag slung over his shoulder. Ready to take on his arch rival.

Janna's mother answered the door - as exhausted-looking as ever. She smiled wanly at Marco. "Hi, Miss Russo!" He said.

"Marco, good to see you," replied Janna's mom. "I've got to get back to work, but I guess you're here for Janna?" Marco nodded. "Keep her out of trouble," Miss Russo murmured to him before heading to the car.

Joleen thudded down the hall as soon as her mom had disappeared from the driveway. Janna appeared in her bedroom doorway a moment later. "Hey, Marco…" She sighed.

* * *

"You think leaving Joleen with Glossaryck was a bad idea?" Marco asked casually as Janna caught up to him on the street, a few minutes later.

"Heh. I mean, she's got a pet demon, she doesn't like being grounded, and Glossaryck is usually pretty…" Janna slowed her pace for a moment. "Hm. Maybe." Shrugging, she quickly sped back up. "Ah well. I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Yeah…" Marco trailed off. He was sure glad that they hadn't left the duo at _his_ house.

"So, you ready to win a tournament?" Janna asked, changing the subject.

"Yup!" Marco grinned enthusiastically. "Ready to put that brat Jeremy in his place! And the red belt will be nice."

"Mm." Janna replied. "That's, like, a rank up, right?" She reached for her phone.

"Yup!" Marco said proudly. "Nobody in Sensei's dojo has ever even made it past 'green stripe!' And I'm gonna be the first!"

"Cool…" Janna absently flicked through the pages of her book, subconsciously gunning towards the 'body enhancement' section.

Marco saw what she was doing and darted for her phone, grabbing it and examining the pages within. "Janna, what are you -" he looked down at the pages. Clear as day to Janna - an index describing all sorts of cool upgrades. But to Marco, it looked like a series of interlocked triangles. "I can't read this." He deadpanned.

"So I've heard!" Janna sighed, exasperated as she plucked the phone back out from his hands.

"Janna, seriously, no Monster Arm this time!" Marco exclaimed. "I'm still not quite sure how we got away with that..."

Janna rolled her eyes. "Fine! No monster arm."

"Or super strength!"

"Or super strength."

She flicked to a new page, and as if reading her mind, Marco continued "or super speed!"

"Come on, man, don't you want _anything_ fun?"

They stopped at a crosswalk, the dojo now in plain view across the street. Marco turned aside and looked Janna square in the eyes. "Seriously Janna, I don't want to cheat! I just want to beat up this eight-year-old, take my trophy, and _go home._ "

Janna rolled her eyes. "Fiiine." She groaned.

Marco breathed a sigh of relief. "Good."

After a moment, Janna couldn't help herself. "Then I'll just cast it on myself. _Currectral don batterosa!"_

She threw her fingers into a simple series of signs and Marco immediately jumped back in alarm. "Janna!" He shouted.

He closed his eyes and braced himself for some sort of magical explosion. Maybe when he opened them, Janna would be the size of a building. Or have suddenly become Amazonian. Or have a bionic arm. With her, the possibilities were endless.

So, when absolutely nothing happened over the next few moments, he cracked an eye to see Janna standing there same as ever, a smirk plastered across her face. "You want me to take a picture or what?" She asked.

Marco lowered his stance and looked around for signs of damage that were, perhaps suspiciously, completely absent. "Well," he asked, "what'd you do?"

They crossed the street with the traffic as the light finally turned green. Janna, too, was mildly annoyed. "I donno," she said. "Was supposed to get electric powers. What a rip."

Marco just rolled his eyes and reached for the dojo's doors. Janna stopped him. "No, no, let me." She put a hand on his shoulder to push past him, and a spark jumped from her fingers to his arm, causing him to jump back. Static electricity.

"Ah!" He yelped. "Janna!"

"Yeah, like that was intentional." Janna retorted, before reaching for the door and jumping back at another shock. Then she remembered which spell she'd just cast. "Oh _come on!_ " She shouted.

* * *

 _Mewni_

Ludo's castle had seen better days. As the war wore on, even newly rebuilt as it was, the skirmishes of the Mewmans outside its walls, along with the stream of damaged monsters that were constantly streaming through it, had taken its toll.

Ludo was sitting in his oversized throne, throw-pillows lining a seat far too large for him, as a monster peasant pleaded his case in front of him.

"So if we could just… if you could just help us…" the monster spluttered. He was a bulky toad, somewhat like Ludo's top lieutenant, but with a far stubbier body and far longer arms and legs. The entire left side of his body was covered in greenish boils.

"And how would I do that?" Ludo asked in a bored tone. Mewni didn't really have a ruler currently, but he was the closest thing, to the monsters. That meant open court.

"Well, you could, - I mean, if you were able to, if it wasn't too much trouble, cast a spell…" the monster sputtered.

"Mm." Ludo rolled his eyes and toyed with his wand. "Welp, 'fraid I can't help you." He said, clearing his throat and jumping down from his throne. "Wand doesn't work that way, so if you could just… show yourself to the door…"

The monster hissed as he exited the room, and Ludo sighed, absently swinging the wand around as it hummed at him.

"Mm, yes," he agreed. The wand had been easier and easier to hold a conversation with, over the past few months. It was less like a murmur coming from the broken crystal, and more like a voice in his own head.

"Yes, but -"

"No, no, we tried that."

"Alright already ALRIGHT ALREADY!" He squawked. "Guards!"

Immediately the two monsters guarding his room - Unicorn Bear and Three-Eyed Potato Baby - were at his side.

"Yea boss?" Bearicorn asked.

"What's the status on our hunt for the King's soldiers?" Ludo asked.

"Ah, well, we haven't found 'em yet, boss." Bearicorn replied. Potato Baby nodded in confirmation. "They keep going back to Earth, and we got banned after we broke the town that one time, remember?"

"Mm." Ludo rolled his eyes. The remnants of the magical high commission were still powerful enough to be reckoned with. For the moment.

He paused and listened to his wand again, as the monsters stood by awkwardly.

...

"Well we can't go back, you just heard -"

...

"And you're being -"

...

"I nEeD ThE BoOk BeCaUsE UlTiMaTe PoWeR." Ludo mocked childishly. "We're fine without it! I don't want to spend any more time!"

...

"Absolutely not!"

The wand glowed brighter.

"NO!" Ludo squacked again.

...

"FINE!" Ludo finally screeched, frustrated. "But if it doesn't work it's YOUR FAULT!"

Ludo stared at his two guards, who were still standing by, doing their best to not look bewildered. "Well, what are you two standing here for? Go polish a floor or something."

As the two guards scurried back out of the room, Ludo resumed his seat on the throne, chewing on the rocky edge of his wand. It was time to try something he hadn't done before…

* * *

As Marco and Janna stepped into the dojo, they were greeted by a plethora of familiar sights and sounds.

As the students warmed up across the floor, scattered around the dojo were various trials and tribulations. Tests of strength, speed, endurance, and worthiness. Grandstands were set up against the opposite wall. A pile of shoes near the door was generating a smell that could send the strongest warrior to Valhalla, and which Janna was all-too-eager to step away from.

Marco added his own sneakers to the pile, having somehow instantaneously changed into his karate gi in the moment that Janna had been looking away from him. Some of the other students across the floor stopped and greeted him as he approached, but he didn't return their gestures, staying stoic and focused.

Janna headed for the grandstands as Marco stretched and paired up for some warm-up rounds, and could hear the whispers among the other students.

" _I hear Marco's out for blood this year…"_

 _"I hope I don't get paired up against Diaz…"_

 _"You remember that monster arm thing from last time?"_

Janna gave a half-smile as she climbed to the top of the stands, proud of her friend. Extra spells or not, he had this one in the bag.

* * *

As Marco lined up with his peers, his Sensei gave the opening speech to the tournament.

"Welcome!" He greeted the small crowd in front of him. Maybe 20 or 30 people in total. "To the grand strip-mall tournament - of the ages."

As he bowed, there was a smattering of applause.

"Today, our warriors will be tested, to the fullest extent of their abilities!" Sensei continued. "Strength! Speed! Endurance! Awesomeness. No one shall be spared!"

Marco took a glance down the line at his other students. Everyone was standing straight, but Jeremy was absent.

Was, that is, until the door to the dojo burst open, just before Sensei could continue his speech.

"Mom, letgoame, jeez!" Jeremy's shrimpy voice rang out through the dojo, piercing the air like the stench of the shoe pile.

"Go get 'em, darling!" His elderly mother said as he stepped away from her hands.

The dojo froze for a moment as Jeremy walked up and took his place in line, staring down the audience, as well as his fellow classmates, as they looked at him incredulously.

Sensei, having seemingly lost his train of thought, simply shrugged. "Alright, well, let's get started!"

* * *

 **Challenge 1 - strength**

Marco took his place in front of the cinderblocks, fourth in line. Two kids ahead of him, one of them Jeremy, were standing proudly, splinters of their boards lying at their feet. A third was nursing a very bruised hand.

Sensei placed another board on the blocks in front of Marco. "Begin!" He shouted..

Marco steeled himself. His mind and body were unbreakable. Then he swung.

The board cracked and shattered under his blow.

"Diaz! Excellent form. Please -"

"Can I do another one?" Marco asked before Sensei could finish.

"Uh…" Sensei scratched his head before looking at the stack of boards beside him.

"Yeah, sure."

He set a second one down on the blocks, and Marco thwacked that one out of existence as well, to further polite applause from the crowd.

"Uh, yeah, good, so if you could -" Sensei began again, now looking vaguely uncomfortable.

"Can you give me two?" Marco asked.

Sensei gulped. "You sure?"

Marco narrowed his eyes. Sensei put two boards down on top of the blocks, and with a shouted "HYAH!" Marco cleaved them, as well.

"Excellent, Diaz!" Sensei said, but he was having obvious trouble masking a worried expression. "Please wait for the other contestants. Next!"

Marco took his place next to Jeremy, who was grinding his teeth. "Beat that!" Marco boasted.

"Whatever, you're like, five years older than me." Jeremy defended.

"Yeah? And my boards were about twice as thick as yours was." He retorted with a smirk. "Sensei arranges them by weight class, remember?"

* * *

 **Challenge 2: Agility**

Lined up in the middle of the dojo were four red rubber balls. On each side of the room was a group of six students, each student holding a hand on the wall.

"And remember, if you catch a ball, one teammate is back in the competition, and whoever threw it is out!"

"Uh, Sensei?" Called one of the students from his wall. "Isn't this just dodgeball?"

"That is an _excellent_ question Jimmy," Sensei responded, "And no, no it isn't."

"Then what's the diff-"

"Begin!"

At Sensei's sudden call, most of the students went scrambling for a ball before the other team got one.

Instead of rushing in, Marco hung back and waited for a ball to be thrown at him. It was probably a good thing that Jeremy wasn't on the same team as him, Marco would have had a _really_ hard time restraining himself from knocking the little gremlin's head off, and getting himself out in the process.

Fortunately, Jeremy was not. Instead he was standing across the room, his beady little 8 year old eyes fixing on Marco as he adjusted the ball in his grasp, taking measurements.

Around him, Marco's team was off to a rough start, down two of their six members immediately. Jeremy's team was faring better, with an immaculate performance by the shrimp's teammates.

Enough so that, with Marco focused on Jeremy and waiting for the ball that never came, soon he found himself facing off against four players.

"Challenge round!" Sensei called. The four balls rolled over to the other side of the court from Marco, and he steeled himself, ready to weather an onslaught. Sensei brought a cart over, and shouted "begin!" before tipping it over - unleashing a dozen more balls onto the court.

Marco jumped, dodged and rolled for almost 30 seconds, never able to do so much as return fire. With a shriek, Jeremy finally threw his ball while Marco was in the air, and with a smack like a gunshot, it pounded into his gut.

Marco fell to the ground, winded, and Sensei rang the bell. "Excellent!" He called. "Except for you!" He shouted at the students who were sitting on the sidelines, earning some shrugs.

"We will now take a five minute intermission!"

* * *

Stepping up and away from Marco's parents in the grandstands (where they sat, complete with popcorn, drink hats and foam fingers), Janna headed towards the bathrooms, while Sensei did the same. What was the big idea, pitting Marco up against four guys?

She was regretting not giving him another monster arm, that was for sure.

As she stepped towards the door, however, she heard grumbling from beyond it. Flushing red with embarrassment, she stepped away - she wasn't about to listen to _that._ But then through a crack in the door, she caught a snippet of what he was saying.

"...gonna do? Diaz deserves the belt, but I can't teach him… never even got it myself! Oh, man, I'm a fake!" Sensei was standing at the mirror above the sink, inside, staring at himself.

Seeming to snap himself into shape, his tone of voice changed from a whine to a tougher stance. Janna looked around and saw a couple of students that were walking by giving her a weird look. She could only imagine what they _thought_ she was doing.

"Alright, pull it together man!" Sensei told himself. "You'll think of something…"

Janna propped herself up against the wall as she saw him head towards the door.

As soon as he stepped outside, Janna confronted him.

"So, what was all that?" She asked.

Sensei shifted around, obviously uncomfortable. "Uh… what was what?" He asked.

"Something you want to tell Marco?" She asked him.

Sensei pulled at the edge of his shirt. "Uh… I don't know who that is… gotta go!"

He ran past her, and Janna frowned before reaching for the door to the bathroom for herself. A static charge jumped from her finger, making her jump and swear.

She was going to find a way to get Sensei to fess up. It was just a matter of time.

* * *

Back on the mat, the trials were complete, and the real challenge approached - a final tournament. 1v1 combat.

Marco took the the mat across from his first opponent, who was doing his best to not be terrified. The last time Marco had fought in a tournament, he'd had a tentacle for an arm. No telling what he was packing, this time.

They both bowed, neither of them taking their eyes off of each other, before Sensei rang the bell.

Marco bounded forward into a kick. His opponent winced and cowered as Marco's foot stopped just short of his chest.

He cracked an eye. "Dude…" Marco muttered to him. "We gonna fight, or what?"

Realizing that he was being watched by over 30 people, his opponent nodded. Marco smiled. "OK then!"

In just another few moments, his opponent was on the ground, and Marco was striding confidently off the mat to polite applause.

* * *

As Janna watched the tournament below her enter its final stages, she glared into Sensei's back with such a fierce intensity that Marco's parents even noticed.

"Janna, are you… alright?" Marco's father asked, concerned.

"Yeah." Janna said, as she slowly started making her way towards the front of the grandstands. "That guy doesn't flush."

She stood up, and the Diazes stared after her, totally confused.

She bumped her way down the steps and reached out towards Sensei's back, as another match on the mat concluded - this one with a few more bruises than Marco's.

"Dang it Janna, no shocking people!" Marco scolded as, out of nowhere he intercepted and pulled her arm back, zapping himself in the process. Ow!

"I wasn't trying to-" She looked back toward Sensei, only to find that he had disappeared. "Wait, where'd he-"

"Seriously, don't touch _anybody_! No offense Janna," He started, knowing that she wouldn't take any. "but this is going well! _Too_ well actually, and this is about the time you start messing everything up with your magic!

"But Marco, he-"

"No buts! No magic until _after_ the tournament, got it?

Deciding it was probably best _not_ to tell Marco his role model was a fraud, she decided to roll with it.

"Ugh, fine!" She groaned, and faked a pout. "You're no fun, Diaz."

"Yeah yeah whatever, just keep your phone in your pocket." Marco chuckled, before hearing Sensei call out.

"Okay, it's time to begin the semifinal rounds! Up first is Caleb Phillips, and Jeremy Birnbaum!"

* * *

After a few minutes, Marco found himself facing off in the tournament's finals. Against the opponent everyone saw coming - Jeremy Birnbaum.

Marco couldn't figure out his own emotions.

On one hand, he was excited. His opponent was standing across from him, cocky as ever, with a face just waiting to be punched.

On the other, Marco knew the fight wasn't fair, and it bothered him. He'd been looking forward to this fight for months, but had always imagined it differently. A fair competition, with Marco eking out a win from his successes - an hour of extra practice he'd put in, or a last gasp of strength. Something to prove that he was the better fighter, to beat Jeremy at his own game.

But Marco had fought a legion of monsters and won. He'd dealt with Janna's antics, magical and otherwise, for months. He'd cleared this tournament without a scratch. Jeremy was good - for a green stripe. Which Marco was not.

He glared at Sensei with mild resentment. Why was he still stuck at a green belt?

That's when he noticed his master's demeanor.

Sweating and antsy, Sensei was nearly dancing in place. He looked nervous, almost to the point of being sick. Janna was sitting behind him, glaring holes into his back, and Marco wondered if she had something to do with it.

"Final round!" Marco prepared himself. He suspected that Sensei had set this fight up on purpose.

"Diaz vs. Birnbaum!" Sensei shouted. "Fight!"

Jeremy was good, but Marco wasn't in the same league. The eight-year-old barely had time to move before Marco launched himself at him. Jeremy was obviously winded from the tournament, but Marco hadn't felt energy like this since his monster arm!

His first blow smashed into Jeremy, a kick into his side that was barely deflected. The younger boy only blinked before retaliating.

He threw out a punch of his own, which Marco easily captured. A quick palm-heel to the chest, and Jeremy was on his back.

"Point Diaz!" Sensei said nervously.

Jeremy stepped up and took a more cautious stance. This time he ducked below the kick, managing to sweep Marco's standing leg. Marco caught himself with his hands, but Sensei quickly ordered a point against him regardless.

The final round, and Marco gulped. That point was unfair, and he knew that Sensei knew it. But he couldn't figure out _why._

Why was he being conspired against?

As the two faced down, the crowd was quiet.

Marco went for a sweep, which Jeremy jumped. A quick counter attack, and it was over.

Jeremy was on his face, Marco having not done much more than dodge his strike and slap his back. The match was over.

"Point Diaz." Sensei muttered, seemingly defeated. "Match goes to Marco."

There was polite applause from the crowd, and Marco could hear his parents cheering for him. He smiled, but there wasn't any joy in his win. He'd beat up an eight-year-old. And it hadn't been hard.

* * *

As the students lined up at the end of the session, Marco could still see Janna glaring at Sensei from the crowd. What the heck was up with her? He was soon to find out.

"Excellent competition, to all my students." Sensei rambled. He was obviously improvising at this point. "But one of you stood out from the crowd."

Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew a red belt.

"I think we all know who deserves to be wearing this belt."

He gulped, and the crowd was quiet.

"The belt goes to - Jeremy Birnbaum!"

There were mutterings among the crowd, and a smattering of applause, but mostly, the room was surprised. Even Jeremy. Not that he'd show it.

"Yeah!" He shouted in victory, running up to Sensei and snatching the belt from his hands. He threw it around his waist and smirked at Marco. "Sorry Diaz - looks like I'm just better than you no matter what you do!"

Janna, Marco noticed, was now grinding her teeth, and Marco was starting to understand why. She knew something. But what was it? Why hadn't he been awarded the belt?

"That concludes today's tournament." Sensei finished quickly. "Everyone please leave, don't forget your shoes on the way out, see you all later!"

* * *

There were regions of Mewni that even monsters dared not go. Forbidden zones which, when trod upon, resulted in death, corruption, or insanity. Lying at the fringes of the region, these small areas were wilder than the most untamed wilderness closer to the capital.

The creatures here were as much monster as the monsters were Mewman - wild, demonous shadow-dwellers that swallowed up entire crowds for meals, and were prey for even more vicious creatures, swooping down from unclimbed mountains, or rising up out of the murky depths of caves.

Plotted on no maps, remembered only through folktales of brave, crazy adventurers seeking the highest challenges, these regions were punishing and merciless for all but the lords of the land.

Ludo, climbing the hills and trekking through the valleys, even in a tiny suit of armor, didn't feel very lordly.

The crystal in his wand guided him, whispering directions in his ear. Which monster dens to avoid, which rocks to climb, where to sleep, what to eat. He'd come without an entourage, lest he be heard. Finally, after days of climbing, he had arrived at a remote clifftop.

Between patches of foggy mist, he could see Mewni spread out before him. His castle was barely a dot in the distance. And before him, looming, was a monolith of stone. A single, blackened tower, jutting up into the sky like a tack, waiting for the foot of a god.

The enormous doorway in front of Ludo was open, any decoration (or doors) having long since disappeared beneath the force of the elements.

Clutching his wand nervously, Ludo padded inside.

The dark foyer was, if possible, even colder than the snow-covered, misty clifftop that he'd just entered from. Ludo felt frosty tendrils creeping up into his boots, and could only be happy that he'd worn shoes at all.

Pale, purple flames lit themselves in bracketed torches on the walls, as he walked forward. They lit the path in front of him, their light casting long shadows on the dark obsidian, and providing no warmth.

At the end of the hall, a second doorway sat, this one occupied by an enormous set of stone doors. There were no barricades, and, as Ludo discovered, they were perfectly calibrated on their hinges - gliding open at the slightest of touches. But as light reached into the room, the inky blackness receded only reluctantly, melting away as if it was well-accustomed to its place, and not quite ready to yield.

Ludo stepped forward, towards the blackness in front of him, unsure of himself. He had his wand's voice within his own head, but the presence wasn't reassuring.

Before he could make out any shape on the far side of the room, the shadows around him coalesced into a being. A dark knight, with a long, purple cloak trailing behind midnight-black armor. The helmet was blank, and the dim purple light of the torches gave no reflections to metal.

It stared down at Ludo impassively as he fell backwards, scrambling to regain his footing and clutching his wand desperately.

At the wands insistence, Ludo stood up and spoke.

"I… have a job for you."

* * *

Before Sensei could make it out the door, Marco intercepted him. He froze, a guilty look on his face before he rearranged himself. "Hey, Diaz!" He forced himself to say. "How's it going… buddy?"

Marco frowned at him, but took a breath and checked himself before speaking. "Sensei, I respect your teaching, but I won the tournament. Why didn't I earn the belt?"

Sensei gulped, and from nowhere, Janna slid up on the other side. "Yeah, _Sensei,_ " she glared. "Why don't you tell him?"

"I, uh, um…" Sensei pulled at his shirt and looked between the two teens. "Because, uh… you're not ready!" He exclaimed.

Marco was taken aback, and Janna's scowl deepened. "Not ready? Why?"

"Um… lack of control!" Sensei improvised. "You… you lack restraint, my pupil."

Marco thought on this, concerned. "I see," he said. "Restraint… teach me, Sensei."

"Uh, well, um, I…" Sensei started, before Janna zapped him on the arm. He gave her a single glance before caving. Turning to Marco, he composed himself and nodded. "I will teach you, young apprentice."

"Oh!" Marco's expression brightened. "Uh, great!"

"Yes, we must… leave the dojo, however. This sort of training can only be gained in the real world." Sensei continued.

"Oh, alright then!" Marco exclaimed, excited. Finally, some _progression._ "Let me just get my shoes…" he muttered as he wandered off.

Janna rolled her eyes as he headed toward the pile of sneakers, than turned to Sensei. "Either you tell him, or I do." She warned. Sensei gulped, and instead of replying, immediately pushed himself out the door.

Janna made to follow, a finger touching the metal handle before she shocked herself again. "Dangit!"

* * *

The three of them stood outside Sensei's home in the suburbs, a picturesque example of what a completely unremarkable American household would look like. Sensei and Janna watched as Marco did stretches on the lawn.

Janna was fuming.

She desperately wanted to out Sensei to Marco. The dude was a fake! A phony! He was never going to give Marco his red belt, even if Marco jumped through every hoop he presented.

But she couldn't just do that. Marco respected his "master." He was a student. The lead-on with Jackie had only been a little while ago - she didn't need to add "exposing his teacher/idle as a total fraud" to her list of black marks.

Gah, why did caring about someone else have to be so _difficult?_

"To begin," Sensei said as he presented Marco with a pair of scissors, "I want you to cut this lawn."

Marco took the scissors and stared at the grass around them. That was hours of labor.

"And I'm doing this, because…" Marco asked.

"Um, patience! And to teach the, uh, value of flawless repetition." Sensei said. "Look around. The lawn is ragged, wild. Untamed. But with those scissors, you can ensure that each blade is even - that no matter the first strike or the thousandth, you always land the blow correctly."

He stepped back, looking somewhat pleased with himself. Marco looked around apprehensively, and down at the pair of scissors in his hands. He had doubts about the effectiveness of the exercise - but was that the sort of impertinence that was holding him back?

Kneeling, he quashed the thought of rebellion. It was time to work.

As he made his first trimmings, Janna loudly interjected. "Wow, I can definitely see how this would teach someone patience!" She said. "And that's _super_ important. I can see how _hard_ it would be to live, so impatient, not taking the time to _learn_ what you _need_ before you try to _do something._ " Though her voice was dripping with sarcasm, somehow, neither Marco nor even Sensei picked up on her point.

Marco looked up at her blankly, confused. "Yeah, I guess…" he said. Had Janna seen this as one of his shortcomings, too?

Sensei looked at her as well. "Yes, that's, uh… that's the lesson."

Janna rolled her eyes and grunted in annoyance, before touching a finger to Sensei's arm, making him jump. Marco looked at her, irritated. "Janna, cut that out! I'm trying to concentrate."

She stepped away and leaned against a nearby tree, arms crossed, eyes never leaving Sensei's scheming back. But she could outscheme him. Outscheme anyone.

It would just take time…

* * *

As Marco worked on the lawn, a strange shadow passed overhead. No one in town gave it a second thought, though, as anyone noticing assumed it was a trick of the eyes, or an errant cloud on an already gusty day.

As the shadow made its way to Echo Creek Academy, it coalesced into a dark form, in a shady alley behind the school. The black knight gave a brief glance to the two dumpsters that sat there before setting out. Magic had been there. But that was not its source. And like a zap of ozone after a lightning strike, the knight could smell it in the air.

The Princess was near. And the knight had work to do.

* * *

Marco had made remarkably quick progress on the lawn, busting his (now very grass-stained) knees and finishing the job in only an hour. He stood up and handed the scissors to Sensei proudly, eying the work that he'd done. The formerly shaggy lawn was now as picture-perfect as possible.

"Excellent work, Diaz!" Sensei said, impressed. "But the lesson of this task was patience! Uh, you completed the task… far too quickly."

Marco's smile sank into a frown. "But what's the point if I can do it just as well, faster!" He exclaimed.

Sensei cleared his throat. "Nevermind, that! Now we move onto the next task, which is… uh…"

He led Marco the garage, as Janna trailed behind. In the corner, he had buckets of paint stacked atop each other.

"Now, you must paint." He said.

Marco stared at the cans. "Seriously? What is _this_ going to teach me?"

"In a fight, you can never make any one strike take too many resources, lest you lose your wind and concede the match." Sensei sagely proclaimed. He'd been mentally rehearsing these lines for almost 40 minutes, now. "Despite that, you can never leave one blow too weak! Or else, an opponent might capitalize on the advantage. Just as every stroke of the brush, must cover every area equally, while preserving resources."

Marco thought about this. It _did_ make sense, in a certain kind of way.

As he went for the paint cans, though, Janna interrupted again. "Yeah, and it's _really_ important that you make sure to keep everything covered," she said. "After all, when you forget to _paint_ something, what's _underneath_ it might be _super_ ugly."

Marco still missed the meaning, but Sensei definitely picked up on it. He glanced at the girl nervously as she smirked at him. _Tell him._ She mouthed, and he quickly looked the other way.

As Marco picked up a pair of paint cans and a brush, Sensei quickly ignored her. "Alright, let's get started!"

Janna stomped her foot in frustration as they passed, and picked up another can to help. Once again, a spark jumped from her fingers, and she growled at the can as she grasped it. This was getting annoying.

* * *

Marco painted beautifully, and a side of the house was covered in only a few minutes. He'd even spared himself from most of the paint, with only a few specks on his skin. By the time Sensei called it quits, Marco was shining with sweat.

"Alright, now we're going shopping!" Sensei quickly paraded into their next task. "To teach you the art of learning the future, while acting in the present."

Marco set down his paintbrushes carefully, then turned around and confronted his master, exhausted. "Hang on, man, I've been working for hours!"

"A warrior never rests!" Sensei responded. "He must be ready at any moment!"

Marco rolled his eyes and sat down in the dirt. "Dude, am I just doing your chores?"

Sensei gulped nervously as Marco glared at him, but before he could respond, another shadow swooped over them, this one much, much darker. Like a localized eclipse, it drowned out the light of the sun before coalescing into a black, armored knight.

The three froze, staring at it. Sensei was fixated on how cool it looked, but for Marco and Janna, it meant trouble.

Sure enough, it drew a black blade from a scabbard on its back, the sword nearly as long as the knight was tall.

"Stay back, Sensei!" Marco shouted as he fell into a defensive stance. Janna immediately reached for her phone as it looked towards her. It was nearly half-again their height, easily eight feet tall, and Janna only narrowly dodged the first unexpected strike as it lunged effortlessly towards her.

"Windmill tornado slam!" She called. A gust of wind appeared from her outstretched fingers, and pounded into the black knight. Theoretically. As it swung its blade again, the attack hadn't even hardly ruffled its cloak.

""Rubber rubble explosion!" Marco's neatly-trimmed lawn erupted into a hailstorm around the figure.

Marco sighed. "Aw, man…"

The dust-storm encompassed the knight for a few moments, completely obscuring it, before dissipating. There wasn't a single fleck of dirt on its armor.

It swung again, and Janna dove out of the way. "Corpus levitus - levitato!" Her voice rang out. She was up in the air a moment later, and the knight slashed after her, the tip of the blade only inches away from her abdomen.

Marco jumped into action as this happened, slamming his shoulder into the knight's abdomen, causing it to stagger for the first time.

"Lightning tide hurricane!" Janna's voice called from the sky. The hair on Marco's arms stood up as he dove out of the way, and there was a crack of thunder as a bolt of electricity arked down from the sky.

Marco averted his eyes, but there wasn't a flash of light, or even an impact. When he looked, the knight was unharmed, its sword in the air like a lightning rod, no trace of the bolt that Janna had called down.

And Janna herself was depleted. Marco saw the trick coming - as she struggled to maintain her altitude, the knight swung its sword through the air again, and it passed cleanly through her midriff.

While she had been slowly floating down, Janna dropped like a rock. Marco's stomach dropped for a moment, before he saw she was still in one piece. Before the knight could take advantage of his hesitance, he suddenly charged it in a fury. "Haaah!"

Launching himself into another attack, Marco went to once again pound his shoulder into the knight's hips, but he instead circled around and threw all his strength into a blow into the back of its knees.

The knight buckled, then retaliated. A wide slash of its sword, and Marco ducked the blade. It made no wind as it passed, but the freezing chill was enough to prickle the back of his neck.

Not wasting time, Marco jumped up while the knight recovered, kicking off of an outstretched knee and vaulting up onto its shoulders. Riding it sidesaddle, he attempted to pull off it's helmet.

It was around this time when Janna stirred, beginning to regain consciousness. She sat up in a daze, and suddenly remembered where she was.

"Woah…" she muttered. "Don't get hit by the sword."

"Janna!" Marco called from atop the knight, relieved to see that she was unharmed. Taking advantage of the boy's momentary distraction, it grabbed his ankle and threw him into Janna, sending them both tumbling on the ground.

"Janna are you okay?!" He asked frantically, before grabbing her and rolling out of the way of the knight's incoming sword.

"Yeah, I'll be-" She started, as she tried and failed to stand up, landing on her backside once more. Her head was spinning, and she was quickly losing focus once again. "Or not… dang it. Sorry man, this one's on you!"

"That's alright, I got this!" He said not-so-confidently, and stepped forward to properly size up the dark being. Circling around it, he looked any sort of weakness to exploit, and decided his best bet was to try and strip this thing of it's armor and deal with it then. Trying to hit it now would just cause him to hurt himself.

"Hey Sensei, I think this thing's after Janna, can you make sure it doesn't her ahold of her?" Marco called over his shoulder, keeping his eyes locked onto the now advancing knight.

"Uh…" Sensei hesitated for a moment before taking a look at his student, who was bravely fighting some sort of gigantic ghost knight, while he was sitting back and doing nothing. Putting on a brave face, he steeled himself and grabbed Janna from under her arms.

"Y-you got it bro!" With that, he dragged the girl away, and placed himself between her and the fight.

Seeing that Janna was somewhat safe, Marco was free to focus solely on the task at hand: taking this thing down.

Cautiously moving forward, he attempted to bait an attack from the giant. Once he succeeded, he quickly rolled out of the way and went to sweep it's leg, only to find that it wouldn't lose it's footing so easily. Narrowly avoiding a backhand, Marco once again waited for an opportunity to knock it off balance.

Seeing it rear its arm back, Marco prepared to attempt to use it's momentum against it, but failed to notice the kick that connected square in the middle of his chest, which effectively knocked the wind out of him and sent him sprawling on the ground. He quickly sprang up before his enemy could take advantage of his position, and took a moment to catch his breath, and study his enemy once more.

Just punching and kicking wouldn't affect something this heavily armored, and he wasn't quite strong enough to knock it off balance either without using its own strength against it. The only thing he could really do was avoid its attacks, and he couldn't even do that very well. As thick as that armor was, it was obviously did little to nothing to encumber the knight, with how fast it seemed to be.

As he thought, the knight swung again, and Marco flinched in horror, unable to dodge the blade. He squeezed his eyes shut and stood stock-still after it passed through him, but found that like Janna, it hadn't done much more than cool down his sweaty stomach.

Unlike Janna, it hadn't hardly affected him at all.

The knight was taken aback, obviously expecting the blow to have done more than it did. Marco took advantage of this. As it dropped its blade to the ground and threw a punch, Marco ducked, slid between its legs and jumped up onto its back. _This_ was a fight he could win.

Reaching the head, he front-flipped, hands on the sides of the knights head as he threw himself over the knight's shoulders. His weight sent the off-balance specter into the ground, and turning around, Marco pulled off its helmet.

Like that, the knight vanished, without a trace. Its discarded sword lingered for a moment before disappearing as well, leaving one very destroyed lawn, and a very fired-up latino boy.

Marco rolled as he hit the ground, and not wasting any time, ran to his friend. She was lying on the ground next to Sensei, who stepped back as Marco approached.

Marco, looking down at her, smiled as he saw that she was okay. He took her hand. There had only been a moment when he thought she'd been cut in half - but that was one more moment than he'd wanted to experience.

"Hey," she said, surprised as they touched without a spark. "No shock."

Marco paused, before remembering the weird, static-electricity spell that she'd been dealing with all day. "I think I figured out what the sword does." Janna said. Marco gave her a quick hug, then helped her up.

"Woah." Sensei said, able to breathe easy now that the giant knight was gone. "Dude… that was totally awesome!"

Janna confronted him before he could say anything else. She was exhausted, but had enough energy left in her for this. "Dude, I'm tired of this. Tell him, or I will."

Marco, now standing behind her, was just as confused as ever. "Tell him? Tell me what? What the heck is going on with you two? Did that knight have something to do with it? Janna, what the heck did you _do?"_

Janna turned around and opened her mouth to lay into Marco (she hadn't done _anything!_ This time…) but before she could, Sensei interjected.

"No, nothing like that, it's just, uh…" he paused. "I… can't actually give you a red belt."

"What?" Marco asked, taken aback. "Why not?"

"Because I…" Sensei sighed. "I don't have one either. I'm just a green-stripe."

"Uhh…"

Now that he started, Sensei wasn't about to stop. "When I got the dojo, I rented some tapes, right? They teach you how to be a master. But the red belt tape got stuck in the machine, and a replacement is $800! That's, like, a year's allowance!"

"Allowance…?" Marco muttered, processing this. "Then wait… how come you gave Jeremy a belt?"

"C'mon dude, that rich brat's parents don't care." Sensei shrugged. "I didn't want to give one to you because… you deserve better." Ashamed, he looked at his feet. "For what it's worth, you've earned it. You're a better fighter than I'll ever be."

Marco took a moment to process this, and Janna smiled grimly. Finally, the truth was out.

"So… I really _have_ been doing your chores all day!" Marco shouted at him.

"Yeah, but I didn't want to…"

"Save it!" Marco said. He untied the green belt around his waist and threw it at his 'master.' "I quit."

"Dude, c'mon…" Sensei said, defeated. Marco said nothing, and stormed off. Janna gave Sensei one last glare before following.

As they stepped down the road, Janna caught up, only to be immediately caught in Marco's tirade. "He could've just said something!" Marco shouted angrily. "But no…"

He sighed as his fire finally went out. The adrenaline from the fight finally faded, and he realized just how sore taking those hits had made him. "Oh well. Go figure," he said miserably. "Guess it's time to find a new hobby."

"What?" Janna looked at him. "Dude, you totally schooled that knight thing! At least I think you did, I was kind of out of it for a while... but still. You're an awesome fighter. I was kinda hoping… you could show me some moves?"

Marco looked at her, a wan smile on his face. Somehow, despite being a cause of so much stress, Janna always knew how to get him out of a funk. "Yeah. OK, that sounds good."

They walked for another moment before Janna added, "We should probably get home first, though. Leaving Joleen with Glossaryck was probably a bad idea."

* * *

 **Done! Liked it? Didn't? Let me know.**

 **So, the S3 "movie." If any of you have ever wanted to write, but don't think you know how, here's some advice: take the parts of that premiere that you like, discard the parts you don't, and start from there. Liked parts, disliked a lot more parts, overall, I'm disappointed in the choices the show made with Toffee. The plot that SKL and I've cooked up is _way_ better. :)**

 **I can't believe that I can write something that has a higher lowest point than professionally-produced cartoons. Oh well. It is what it is.**

 **Bla bla, still looking for an artist. Let us know.**

 **Comments!**

 **Guest: I've imagined some kind of an intro, let's say... if I can find an artist to draw the cover, it would be the sort of "title card." So yes! And I kinda like the AU idea. We've already got a subplot where Marco meets an alternate 'boring' version of himself. Maybe we work Janna in, too.**

 **Feenie: Thank you for the compliment! I appreciate it. I have seen all the way through GF, but I have no idea what you're talking about, lol.**

 **TooLazy2Write: Thanks for the idea! We've put it onto our brainstorm board. I'm not sure how Tom will play into the story yet, but I love involved ideas like that.**

 **aach06: Awesome question! I've got no idea! I just thought "lets make the internet disappear" and then we did. I've been toying with the idea of it just being a localized event, but haven't decided yet. But we do mess around with the net a little more in the next chapter, so I'm sure we'll get more details there...**

 **Thank you all for liking and faving, and commenting. I still get near-daily notifications, even a month after I've uploaded something. We must be doing something right!**

 _ **Next Time On JVTFOE:**_ **The really funny thing about the internet suddenly disappearing is that nobody really missed it that much. But just because nobody misses it, doesn't mean that there weren't addicts. And when Janna discovers that she can turn her home into a magical hotspot for interdimensional WiFi, what kind of crazy people will show up, waiting to use it? Find out next week (lol) on the next episode: Weird Wide Web!**


	16. Chapter 13: Weird Wide Web

**Late! Late late late. Oh well. This chapter is… it's something. Enjoy!**

* * *

The only value in hard work, Janna decided, was in appreciating the times that she didn't have to do it.

Around her, the kitchen and dining room were spotless. Well, as "spotless" as things got in the Russo household. The dishes were clean, if not returned to their cabinets, the countertops were rinsed off, and although the raggedy carpet in the dining room was stained beyond repair, for the first time in months, it had been vacuumed.

It may have been dirty, Janna told herself, but at least it wasn't a _mess_.

That just left her with a final problem. The dining room table, which, thanks to Joleen's exploits earlier in the week, was still splintered in half. It was sitting, in two, on the floor, and despite Janna's best efforts, decidedly _not_ repaired.

A hammer, a mangled, splintered board, and half a dozen bent nails were lying next to her on the carpet. As she sat back to rest, she contemplated just how much of a one-girl task this chore _wasn't_.

As if on cue, Joleen buzzed into the kitchen. She stick her head into the fridge as Janna called her name.

"Hey, mom said you had to help too, you know!" She chastised as Joleen continued to ignore her.

Pudding cup in one hand and Joey in the other, Janna's younger sister hummed absently as she disappeared around the corner, and Janna got up and wandered after her. "Oh no you don't!"

She pushed past the fridge door (still open) and towards the garage, but Joleen had disappeared.

Janna frowned. She wasn't expecting her sister to be responsible for any chore that she didn't have to be, but she was just standing _right there._

On a hunch, Janna cracked open the door to the garage to see it as empty as ever. Well, full of the same junk and leftovers from her shop, just like the last time she'd looked in there, but decidedly _not_ containing her little sister.

Wandering back to the table and putting Joleen out of her mind, Janna frowned as she stared at the impossible task before her. Frustrated, she pulled out her phone. Glossaryck, startled, quickly pressed himself out against the screen to hide the game he was playing and looked up at her. "Yes, Janna?" He asked.

 _"Why_ Can't you help me with this?" Janna asked, gesturing towards the table.

"Hmm…" Glossaryck mused. "Um, what did I say when you asked a few minutes ago? The value of hard work or something like that? Let's go with that answer."

As he spoke, Janna tried to catch a peek of what he was doing on her phone, to no avail. Looking one way, then the other, Glossaryck pushed himself around on the screen to stay in front of her eyes. But she caught glimpses, and what he was playing didn't _look_ like Gem Blasters…

"New game?" She asked suspiciously, brushing Glossaryck off the screen to an indignant 'hey!'

Sure enough, she'd never seen the game was currently paused on the screen. Unpausing it, she died immediately, as Glossaryck seemed to be playing the game at hyper speed. But restarting, she found out that it was charmingly simple - a cat which was propelled by a rainbow, jumping up and down cliffs as the screen scrolled to the side steadily faster.

After another life, she looked up at Glossaryck, who was wincing and mourning a lost high-score.

"How did you get this?" Janna asked. "We haven't had internet in months, remember?"

"Um, well…" Glossaryck muttered. "I, um…"

Janna flicked his forehead, sending him spiraling lazily backwards through the air. "Spill it."

"Well, lets just say that… Earth's version of the internet isn't really… the only version." Glossaryck said uncomfortably. "Look kid, there's at least twelve different dimensions out there, each with their own societies. Earth was late to the party and built it themselves, but all you really need is magic to tap into the extranet."

Janna blinked. "Wait, so you -"

"Yes," Glossaryck groaned, taking the phone back and holding it in front of him. "See?"

He opened up a browser and went to a site that Janna had never heard of before. . Immediately a queue of videos started playing. Weird creatures casting spells that backfired, music videos for love songs about tentacles, cute demon babies, and cats. Cats everywhere - it seemed _that,_ at least, wasn't exclusive to Earth.

"Woah…" Janna said, enthralled as she sat back.

"Mmm." Glossaryck nodded. He reached for the phone and Janna swatted him away, still watching the screen. Glossaryck rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers. At his command the video went to buffer, the connection lost.

"Listen, Janna, this stuff is distracting," he said. "I've had to pull every princess I've trained off of this stuff before they could ever get anything done. It'll infest your mind!"

Janna shook her head. "So? Dude, we haven't had internet in _forever_. And there's no way I'm gonna finish that today," she gestured towards the table. "So why don't you teach me how to do this?"

"Fine," Glossaryck said, resigned to his fate. "It's very simple. Ready?"

Janna nodded, then took note of her posture, sat up straight, and nodded again.

"OK, find your center," Glossaryck said, closing his eyes. "Reach out with your mind. Feel the magic around you…"

He cracked an eyelid to see Janna focusing intently, before she then opened her own eyes as well. "And?" She asked.

"There's a hotspot pretty close to this planet, luckily," Glossaryck said. "The password is hotwings23. Capital H, no spaces."

Janna closed her eyes again and shook her head, meditating as she reached out to the "magic around her." She couldn't feel anything, but that wasn't new. Her magic came from within her, not from anywhere else.

After a few minutes of this, she gave no signs of giving up, but Glossaryck was getting bored. "Oh, for the love of - here."

Janna opened her eyes just in time to see Glossaryck hold his nose and cannonball into her forehead. She felt the spot where he'd disappeared frantically, then a tingle and a rush of blood as he messed around in her head. Before long he'd popped his head out again, and Janna wasted no time in plucking him out of her like a loose hair. He hung limply in her fingers before saying "There, it's done, you've got extranet now, ya happy?"

Janna looked down at her phone again, and sure enough, she was able to reconnect to the website she'd just been on.

"Cool…" she said, surfing through videos.

"Yes, very cool," Glossaryck said, before reaching for the phone again. "Now if I could just finish my game -"

Janna swatted him away again, once again held captive by the magic of vapid entertainment.

"Fine," Glossaryck said, defeated. "I'm gonna go get a pudding cup…"

* * *

That evening, Janna's mother arrived home pleasantly surprised - There were clean dishes in the cupboard, you could walk in the living room without stepping on trash, and there weren't piles of clothes covering the couch. And to top it all off, she didn't even have to nag her daughters all day to help get anything done! Of _course_ they had an ulterior motive, but hey, at least they put some effort into extorting her this time.

She noticed Janna was sitting on the couch, flicking through her phone, before she caught sight of the kitchen table - still broken, to her disappointment. Though not to her surprise. "Couldn't fix it, huh?" She asked her daughter.

"Nuh." Janna replied, flicking through her phone.

Janna's mother sighed, resigned. "Well, that's that then. We'll just have to… to get a new one." She strained. Two young girls were a drain on the finances - she didn't exactly have the cash to buy a replacement, even with her strapped, workaholic schedule.

She headed for the kitchen before deciding the better of it. Dropping her belongings on the ground next to the couch, she plopped down next to her daughter, who looked up, mildly surprised.

"So… what'cha doin?" she asked. She couldn't remember the last time that her and Janna had just talked.

"Uh… nothing?" Janna kept fiddling with her phone, and Ms. Russo felt a twinge of disappointment.

"Got any… cool games on there?" She tried again.

"Eh," Janna shrugged, then snorted with laughter. "Hey, check this out."

She handed her phone over to her mom, and a video auto-played. A two-headed demon was on the screen, trying to climb a pole. Every so often he'd make it a few feet up, then slide back down to the base. After a few moments, the pole was knocked over by a giant lizard foot, sending the monster to the ground with it, where it shimmied up the remainder.

The two girls chuckled together at this, before something occurred to Janna's mom. "Wait, didn't the internet stop working?" She asked.

"Nah," Janna said, "It got eaten by a demon. Magical internet, though? That totally works."

"So, can I stream movies?" Janna's mom asked. Janna was always doing weird things, but she wasn't about to step on her own daughter's self-expression. And she'd been missing her evening streams - recorded daytime television only got you so far.

"I mean…" Janna pulled up ExtraFlix and browsed through the selection. They had all the classics! _Gored With The Wind, James Brawnd, My Husband The Minotaur…_

"Huh." Janna's mom said, perplexed. "And how did you…" She pulled out her phone, which Janna took. After a moment of seemingly nothing happening, she handed it back and sure enough, it was connected to the monster net.

"Neat!" Miss Russo smiled at her daughter. "Listen, Janna, I don't know what's been going on with you lately, and I feel bad that I'm not around to see it, but… you're a good daughter."

With that, she gave her eldest an awkward side-hug before getting up and heading to her bedroom for her customary evening depressurization. Janna smiled despite herself, then got a glint in her eye. Her mom wanted to stream videos, and they needed money to replace the table. That gave her an idea…

* * *

The next day after school, Janna's house was packed. Word _maaay_ have gotten around that she could somehow connect to the internet, and when it did, people rushed over with their phones, laptops, and the case of a few of her classmates, full desktop computers, stationed on the tailgates of their cars, parked up and down the street.

One by one, each user lined up with Janna at the door, handed over 25 dollars, and Janna focused on their devices for a moment before they suddenly connected to the online world. There were some mutterings of discontent that it wasn't _Earth's_ internet, but hey, interdimensional online entertainment was better than none at all.

It was like an enormous block party, except not a single person was talking, with everyone so enthralled in their devices.

After finishing the line in front of her home and returning from the long line of cars, Janna headed back inside to sit down, only to find that her living room was packed full of her classmates and friends. There were people sitting on the counters in her kitchen, sitting out in the backyard, even in the bedrooms! Well, except for…

Janna opened the door to Joleen's room and found it wonderfully, blissfully deserted. Where her sister was, Janna couldn't say, but she wasn't going to question it as she collapsed onto her bed.

A wave of exhaustion passed over her, which she hadn't expected, and it was getting worse. She hadn't hardly done anything all day - why was it so hard to stand up?

She felt weak - like she was going to pass out. Her arms were heavy, her hands slick with sweat, and her knees wobbled, too invalid to support her. She looked down at her sweater and nearly vomited onto it, her mom's leftover spaghetti rearing its ugly head in her stomach. She felt nauseous, but kept her composure.

She reached for her phone before setting it down immediately. It was becoming an effort to even lift her arms. She felt drained, in a way that she'd only felt a few times before - like when she'd been in that fight on Mewni with River… and when she'd been hit by that magical sword earlier in the week. Maybe acting as a conduit for 60 different electronic devices _hadn't_ been such a good idea.

She reached for her phone again, and tried to call for Glossaryck, but could barely summon the energy to lift her hand before she passed out.

* * *

"Hey Janna, are you in here?" Marco called as he opened the door to Joleen's bedroom. His laptop was in his hands. Even he hadn't been immune to the convenience of being able to research his homework online. "I need to figure out how to - Janna!"

Janna was sprawled out on the bed, unconscious, mouth hanging open and hand draped down the side.

Marco immediately set his laptop aside and ran over, shaking her before trying a slap. He didn't have any water to splash on her face, and she wasn't waking up. Unless…

"Oh, no." Marco said defiantly. "I am _not_ kissing you."

He went for her phone instead, and pulled it out to see Glossaryck, enthralled in his new game, as disconnected from the world as ever.

"Glossaryck!" Marco barked to get his attention.

The blue genie died almost immediately, and looked up at Marco with annoyance. "What?" He asked. "I'm busy."

Marco turned the phone towards Janna, and Glossaryck flew up and off of the screen almost immediately. "Oh, oh dear." He said. He hovered over her face and put a hand on her forehead.

"Oh, nevermind, it's not that serious." He smiled, seemingly relieved. Marco also relaxed a bit.

"You just have to kiss her." The wizard continued.

"What?!" Marco shouted, dropping the phone and stepping back.

"Kidding! I'm kidding!" Glossaryck chuckled. "You should've seen the look on your face… but seriously, this is actually very bad."

Marco suppressed his annoyance at the joke and stepped forward, looking at his friend with concern. "Well, can we do something?" He asked.

"Hmm…" Glossaryck stroked his chin. "Yes, but you're not going to like it."

Marco bit his tongue, wondering what Janna's tutor was going to suggest next. "Well, I don't know what she did, but it's draining her. She'll be comatose in another few minutes. We're going to have to go into her head, sever her magical subconscious, and hope that will be enough."

"Oh," Marco said, a bit relieved. "Well that doesn't sound so bad!"

"Trust me kid, you haven't been inside her head." Glossaryck said darkly. Stretching a hand out, he grabbed hold of the front of Marco's hoodie, and plunged forward into Janna's forehead. Marco was sucked in along with him, plunging down into the portal.

* * *

For years to come, Marco would attempt to understand what he was seeing as he fell into the depths of Janna's psyche. While not emotionally scarring per say, it was so utterly confusing and nauseating that even weeks later, just thinking of the experience would make him slightly sick.

A swirl of colors surrounded him and pressed in on his eyes, primarily red with streaks of black and pink and green, and after what felt like hours of watching the confusing vortex, he decided to just keep his eyes on Glossaryck, who was decidedly pulling him forward.

He couldn't pinpoint the moment where that portal turned into the world around him. It still swirled at the edges of his vision, giving him a serious case of vertigo and making it difficult to think. But ground materialized under his feet, and he could see a terrain around him. One that… didn't really make much more sense.

Under his feet was blackened brimstone, and piles of shale rock were scattered about nearby. Janna's conscience was slightly macabre, featuring the occasional puddle of oozing blood or skeleton, and looking around, Marco found it slightly miraculous that she had been able to resist an urge to re-zombify the school.

There were the occasional relics from her life - he spotted a bright white and pink uniform from when she'd popularized herself, and a lot of magical tomes and artifacts that they'd sold in the garage sale. Every so often they'd walk past a small building made of the same blackened stone as the ground, and inside Marco could see books in one, a bunch of emotions screaming at each other in another, some statues of him and Jackie in a third…

"Don't get distracted, Marco," Glossaryck warned, his voice taking on a rare, serious tone as he pulled along his assistant. "We're trespassers. Janna's consciousness is hers, and it's not our job to go snooping."

Marco blinked at this unusually sage advice. "Yeah," he reasoned, "I wouldn't really want Janna poking around in _my_ head."

They headed along towards the center of the cavern, where an enormous pillar of bright pink light was shooting from floor to ceiling. As they arrived, Marco noted something that definitely didn't seem like it should be there - a strange metal contraption with a satellite dish on top of it, about the size of a van, which was shooting more energy into the beam.

He could see the ground cracking beneath his feet as he approached, brimming with energy. The beam was enormous, obviously far larger than it was supposed to be, and it was digging into the sides of the pit that it was coming from.

"Ah, here we are!" Glossaryck said, heading over to the dish. Concentrating for a moment, an enormous, glowing purple hammer appeared from his head's gemstone, and smashed the contraption into dust.

Stepping back and waiting for a result, the beam only seemed to brighten, and maybe further enlarge a little bit.

Glossaryck shrugged and sighed. "Oh well, worth a shot." He turned to Marco. "We're gonna need to find something to plug up this hole."

Marco turned and was greeted by a large boulder, only a few yards away. He gestured to it and Glossaryck nodded.

As they took positions on either side, Glossaryck meditated, and Marco strained. Enormous hands appeared from Glossaryck's gemstone, and with Marco's help, they lifted the enormous thing.

"What was Janna doing, anyways?" Glossaryck shouted from the other side of the boulder, as they moved it towards the light.

"Uh… she sold some kinda wi-fi to a bunch of people at her house!" Marco shouted back, wincing and straining under the weight of the rock.

"How many?"

"I don't know, maybe 60 or 70 people?"

Marco could hear the sigh of annoyance from the other side of his burden, and together, they heaved it into the hole.

It was just large enough to get the job done, falling into the enormous upper crater and down into a smaller hole below, where it stuck with a thud. Marco and Glossaryck looked down as the light immediately shut off.

The rock lit up, then exploded, and the beam shot upwards for another brief second before disappearing. A few threads of light remained, dancing towards the ceiling, but the enormous presence that had been there a moment before was gone.

There was a moment of silence. Janna's psyche was eerily quiet, except for the emotions screaming at each other in the distance. "So, what'd we just do?" Marco asked, looking at the thin threads of light as they danced towards the ceiling.

"Cut off her connection to magic," Glossaryck responded. Marco nearly crimped his neck as he turned to look at him.

"Relax, it'll grow back eventually," the genie continued. "Probably. Either way, serves her right for being so reckless." He shook his head. "60 people… it's a wonder she's not dead, you know."

Marco shrugged. He didn't know, actually.

Glossaryck snapped his fingers, and suddenly they were back in Joleen's bedroom, where absolutely nothing had changed. Janna was still sprawled out. She blinked and slowly regained consciousness a moment later, and looked up at the pair of them. "What are you guys looking at?"

* * *

Something about Janna felt… different. There was something in her body that felt off. A sort of humming and energy that wasn't there. That drained feeling was totally gone - she didn't even feel like she'd passed out in the first place. But there was something else that was missing…

Marco was explaining what had happened when there was a commotion outside the room. Angry shouting and screaming. Someone shattered a piece of glass. Janna looked apprehensively towards the window, only to see everyone getting out of their cars on the street beyond, heading towards the front of the house.

They were coming down the hall towards her room, angrily shouting about not having any connection. Marco, too, had gone silent. Janna had only been up for a minute, and she was already totally lost. What had just happened?

The door flew open and a dozen irritated teenagers swarmed the room, passing Marco with ease as they surrounded Janna.

"What happened to the internet?"

"Where's our videos?"

"I want to see how that movie ended!"

The complaints grew in numbers and volume, nearly a dozen people all shouting at her, with more coming in from the hall, until Janna couldn't take it anymore. "QUIET!" She shouted. To her surprise, everyone shut up.

"We're experiencing a… disruption." She said, before gesturing towards the door. "It'll be fine. If you all will just wait outside…"

With much grumbling, everyone left, Marco last, slamming the door shut grumpily behind him.

"Huh, what's gotten into him?" Janna asked aloud, then sighed. "Guess I'm gonna have to refund everyone…"

"Oh, no, that won't help." Glossaryck absently said from the floor. Janna's phone was still down there, where Marco had dropped it earlier. "They've got brain worms."

"Oh," Janna replied. "Wait, what?"

Glossaryck rose up from the phone again, and looked at Janna. "Brain worms!" He said. "They're the… ugh. Look, the extranet isn't for everyone, alright? If you don't have a magical resistance, you kinda get… addicted to it. Even if you do it gets hard to ignore."

Janna remained unphased. "Oh, so it's like the regular internet," she reasoned.

Glossaryck nodded. "Yes! Well, if being apart from your "internet" results in the formation of angry mobs with a tendency for arson, that is."

Janna gawked at him, and Glossaryck raised an eyebrow.

"What? Look, I would've told you that if you had run this plan by me first!" He said.

"You were in my pocket all day!" Janna accused. "How could you not have heard?"

"I was playing a game!" Glossaryck returned, annoyed. "Look, unless you want to be offered as a sacrifice in the hopes of bringing the extranet back, you're gonna need to get those worms out of their head."

"Great." Janna rolled her eyes. "How do I do that?"

Glossaryck shrugged. "Donno. Most of the time, it's lethal. Good-bye!" With that he dove back into his phone, and Janna groaned in frustration.

.

There were murmurs down the hall again, and she could hear the anger simmering up. Even Marco was out there. Turns out, just hanging out with her wasn't exactly giving him a resistance to her antics. She sat down and thought about it - since conducting brain surgery on 60 angry kids wasn't really an option, she'd have to find another way…

As if on cue, there was a loud ripping noise. A portal opened in the room, and Joleen stepped out of it, Joey sitting on her head and a hot chocolate with the Stardollars logo on the side of the cup in her hands.

She took one look at Janna sitting on her bed and shook her head. "Uh-uh." She said, and made to open the door. "Out."

Janna ignored her, except for making sure that the door stayed shut. She had her eyes on the scissors that Joleen was carrying in her back pocket. The same kind that King River had used to get between dimensions…

Pointing them out, Janna propositioned. "I need a favor."

Joleen smiled in front of her, eyes sparkling at the possibilities…

* * *

Arriving on a semi-familiar plane, Janna breathed in the scent of fire and brimstone, and Joleen stepped through behind her. Enormous chrome gates stood closed in front of them with walls like a prison stretching out for hundreds of feet on either side. Rocky spires jutted out of the earth behind them, and a layer of smoke coated the sky, making it impossible to see more than a hundred feet above them.

"Coooool…" Joleen said, in awe as the portal snapped shut behind them.

Janna did her best to act nonplussed. Despite herself, she also thought that Tom's castle was pretty dang cool.

Heading to the left of the gates, she found a buzzer and call box, and she rang to be buzzed in. A voice came over the microphone, bored and obviously uncaring. "State your business."

"Here to see Ishkilthul the Knowledge Demon," Janna replied. Joleen was still gawking at the plains behind her. Joey, meanwhile, was buzzing around in excitement, clearly happy to be home.

The voice over the intercom perked up. "Oh! Are you here to make him go away?" It asked.

"Um… sure?" Janna improvised. She knew a good in when she saw one.

The gates slammed open without any resistance or ceremony, and the voice over the intercom came back. "Great. He's through the main entryway, down the left hall, and the third door on the left. Tom... " the voice sighed. "Put him in charge of H.R."

Janna wasted no time trying to process _that_ odd decision, and instead ran into the inner fortress, Joleen in tow.

* * *

They found Ishkilthul in his office, just as the guard said he would be. Janna stuck her head in the door before knocking, and looking up from a cell phone, the demon quickly pretended to be working before realizing who it was that was bothering him.

 **"Um… do you have an appointment?"** He boomed.

Janna stepped inside the office with her sister behind her, who was now gawking at the enormous demon that was squished into a very normal-sized office chair, sitting behind a very normal-sized desk. Behind the desk were various pictures of cats and cat-demons, along with random slogans about workplace tolerance and reminders about how the Condemned were what _really_ made the kingdom great.

"Don't have time for an old friend?" Janna asked.

 **"Oh!"** Ishkilthul beamed as he squinted down at her. His smile was grotesque, bareing black, pointed fangs that he had obviously only begun brushing recently. **"Janna! Make any progress on that riddle I gave you?"**

Janna wracked her brain for a moment before she remembered the little slip of paper she'd received from him the last time they'd talked.

"Uh, yeah!" She lied. "But it's… it's a tough one! You should be proud."

Ishkilthul blushed. **"Oh, stop,"** he let out an inhuman giggle, which sounded like the screams of tortured souls. **"What can I do for you?"**

"Need a favor," Janna said gruffly. "Sorta… got my whole class infected with mind-worms from the extranet. Figured you could help."

Ishkilthul frowned, and muttered something along the lines of "nobody ever just comes to visit…" before returning his focus. He went back to his cartoonishly undersized keyboard and monitor, returning to his pretense of work. **"Nope, sorry,"** he said. **"Brain worms are, like,** _ **super**_ **bad for you, and I don't eat anything that can eat anything else anymore."**

Janna stepped forward. "Look dude, I'd rather not have my friends stuck in a graveyard, and I already tried the zombie thing - not that great. What's this gonna take?"

Ishkilthul leaned forward and studied Janna intently, and she did her best not to blink or step back. New-age SJW-turned-H.R. rep or not, he was still terrifying.

 **"Fifteen hundred and twenty three dollars, and fourty cents."** He said.

Janna blinked. "What?"

 **"That's my fee."** The demon leaned back. **"Fifteen hundred dollars and twenty three dollars, and fourty cents. Oh, and you'll owe me a favor."**

Janna thought on this apprehensively, and knew exactly why he'd asked for that amount. It was the exact amount that she was carrying stuffed in her pockets - the amount she'd made from this whole experiment, that she was going to spend on a new table.

Realizing that she didn't have much of a choice, she sighed and brought out wads of cash, placing them on the desk until her pockets were empty.

After she'd delivered, Ishkilthul raised an eyebrow, and Joleen stepped forward to add two more bills, before he smiled again.

The money evaporated off of his desk, and he sniffed the air. **"Ah…"** he said. **"I'll be able to use this to promote my blog!"**

Stepping up, he immediately hit his head on the ceiling and grumbled in annoyance. **"Consider it done,"** he said, before disappearing into thin air.

Turning to leave, Janna glared at Joleen, who shrugged innocently before withdrawing her scissors. They, too, turned to leave.

* * *

Returning home, they were just in time to see the tail-end of the Brain Worms. Students were burning a wooden totem atop a bonfire in her backyard, and shouting angrily all over her house. Until, one by one, a shadow moved from one to the next and they blinked, seemingly coming out of the reverie. Before long, the totem was out, and there were just 60 students, looking around, confused at what had transpired.

Janna headed to the kitchen with Joleen as if this were normal, extracting another pair of pudding cups and promptly taking a third, as hers was swiped away by Joey.

"So, where'd you get the scissors?" Janna asked.

Joleen shrugged. "Some red-haired lady from that thing Glossaryck took me to. How do you know the demon?"

"Traded him the internet for the knowledge to finish my math homework."

The two sat in silence for a few minutes as the house cleared out around them, and Marco wandered into the kitchen a few minutes later. He looked accusingly at Janna. "How did I get here?"

Janna shrugged, just as her sister had a few minutes before. "Donno. Don't you have homework to do?"

Marco gasped and ran from the kitchen. "Oh jeez, you're right. See you tomorrow!"

Janna smirked as she watched him leave, and with a bang, the front door closed for the final time. Looking past her sister, though, she could still see the dining room table. Just as broken and sad-looking as it had been yesterday evening. She was back at square one.

"Oh! That reminds me!" Joleen said. Quickly discarding her pudding cup, she withdrew her scissors and opened a portal. After only a few minutes she returned, dragging a beautiful mahogany-carved dining room table with her.

Janna gaped at her, dumbfounded.

"Dimension of infinite furniture," Joleen explained. "I think. Either that or we owe money to a Swedekea." Stopping for a moment, she looked at her sister in annoyance. "Well, c'mon then, help me out!"

* * *

 **First things first - new cover! I'd like to thank reddit user /u/gravityfying for taking our request and making it real! You can find the full(er) sized image here: bit(ly)/2wHPghr. Stupid FF, not allowing links…**

 **We're almost to the end of the season! SKL and I have already started work on the 14th chapter, and we're looking forward to sharing it. It's gonna be great!**

 **On an unrelated note, it occurred to me while writing Ishkilthul's part in this chapter that we could've just made Tom the knowledge demon. We wouldn't've been able to tumblr-fy him, but it would've still been fun! Oh well. He's going to get a role in the next season, hopefully.**

 **Finally, I want to clarify my arrogant and presumptuous stance that I took at the beginning of the last chapter, because the movie still rubs me the wrong way.**

 **I could go on and on about all the things that I so dramatically disliked about the movie, but it's not like it's unfounded. Remember at the end where they literally have Ludo walk up to Star and say "my character development was meaningless, please let me do it again?" That's the easiest specific example. It's not like the writers are going to turn it into something actually good, either. What about earlier in the series when Marco earns his scissors and spends** _ **10 years**_ **in Heckapoo's dimension, and it's** _ **never brought up again?**_ **Or when Star's wand is introduced to have a creature-dimension inside and it's** _ **never brought up again?**_ **It's less spite, and more the desire to do better. Because I can do better, and reading back through my story, I think I** _ **have**_ **done better. My low points are higher, at least. I'm just a little bitter that even though I can do better, the show hasn't.  
**

 **(Racheakt: Oh, we've got plans for toffee, don't you worry. We're not going to be _that_ divergent, but believe me, he'll get his time to shine.)  
**

 **(Guest: We're not sure when Janna and Marco cross paths with Buff Frog and Jackie in the intermission, but it wasn't during any episode. That's part of the reason we cut the content - it was too much of a pain to write in without hijacking the story. Thank you for the praise! Each time you write, my head gets slightly bigger. Pretty soon I'm going to have trouble getting through my front door.)**

 **(Deathclaw2010: I somewhat agree. After s1 concludes, I'm going to take some time to re-edit the chapters before proceeding - nothing dramatic, but there are some inconsistencies that I want to fix. I'm definitely going to look at third person limited, and removing some of the text breaks. The problem with 3rd person omni is that it gets hard to tell who's thinking what, or it gets cluttered. Still, I appreciate the comment and have taken it in stride.)**

 _ **On the Next Episode of JVTFOE:**_ **With Downtown Echo Creek in destroyed shambles, just so Ludo can get his hands on King River, Janna's getting pretty sick of seeing the monsters mess up her hometown. Join the pair as they venture back into Mewni, and attempt a rescue mission so daring, that it needs its own chapter! Tune in next week (hah!) for the first part of the season finale: Mewni On Earth 2!**


	17. Chapter 14: Mewni On Earth 2

**Hi all! Long time, no posts! Hiatus gets to us all... essentially, I moved to Tennessee and needed to find a job, and once I found a job I had to... work. At the job.  
**

 **Anyways, here's the first part of the season finale. More info at the bottom. Enjoy!**

* * *

It was with the greatest amount of resentment that the manager of Downtown Echo Creek's 2nd finest chain buffet begrudgingly held up his end of his "eat 'till you drop" guarantee. His nametag, adorned with "Regino" sat tilted on his chest. Normally proudly displayed, he was preoccupied from adjusting it by the display before him.

He watched, mouth slightly open in astonishment, as an entire football team's worth of the largest men he'd ever seen (accompanied by a crown-adorned blonde dwarf) demolished his stocks of food faster than his chefs could cook.

They'd surpassed the normal capacity of a human nearly 20 minutes ago, but showed no signs of slowing down as they threw entire meals into their mouths in single bites, extracting bones with finesse and quickly stripping all of his corn (of which they seemed to have preference) to the cob. The disgusting slurping and chewing had driven nearly all of his customers to the opposite side of the dining hall, but for a few which, like him, watched the proceedings with a lurid fascination.

"'Scuse me." The manager jumped out of his reverie as a red-skinned, two-headed monster bumped past him, disguised as a chef and carrying a platter of sweet rolls. He looked on in even greater astonishment. Certainly none of _his_ cooks wore such ridiculous hats!

Despite this, none of the men before him even batted an eye, each of them quickly devouring the sweetrolls as they were placed in front of them, the monster smiling in satisfaction as what had been a heaping platter of treats was quickly reduced to nothing.

The effect was nearly immediate, with the men slowing down and coming to their senses, seeming to become suddenly drowsy. A few of them fell asleep, their heads falling into platters of food without remorse.

"Gugh…" King River grunted. He looked up at the manager and glowered. "What… have you done…"

Regino, even more bewildered, pointed to the two-headed monster, who was standing and watching at the back of the room with a malicious smile. The dwarf attempted to get out of his chair without success, seemingly lacking the strength.

Across the room, the front doors of the buffet sprung open, and the strangest entourage the manager had ever seen entered. At the front of the pack was a jumbo-sized eagle riding an enormous spider, followed by a mostly assortment of dozens of monsters, and… oversized rats?

This brought Regino to his senses. Bewildered or not, this was still his restaurant! Stepping in front of the pack before they could enter the dining hall, he mustered up the courage to confront them. "Excuse me, but I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave."

The eagle spread its wings to reveal a tiny, green-feathered midget, wearing medieval armor. "Here, this should cover it," Ludo said gruffly. Out of the pack, someone tossed the manager an enormous burlap sack, which he struggled to catch and hold. Inside, he saw a small fortune of gold coins.

"Oh," he gulped. He'd just been tossed a million dollars. "Ok then, carry on."

The spider moved forward and the pack followed, causing the establishment's remaining patrons to scream and run for the fire exits, setting off a blaring alarm. Regino scurried away as well, holding his gold, still dumbfounded.

"I've finally found you," said Ludo, dismounting his pet as he approached the king. Around him, a few more of the mewman soldiers had passed out, plopping into their plates of food, and River was still struggling to leave his chair.

"What did you say?" River shouted as the alarms screamed around them.

"I, uh," Ludo said awkwardly. Raising his voice, he shouted. "I FINALLY FOUND YOU!"

River was now even more disoriented, hardly paying attention. Annoyed, Ludo shouted at his monsters, "will someone turn that alarm off?!"

Across the room, a meaty hand found the blaring alarm box and pulled it down from the ceiling with a snap.

"Ahem, yes, well, as I was saying," Ludo continued. "I've finally found you!"

"You," River groaned. "What did you… do?"

Ludo giggled. "There was enough anesthetic baked into those cakes to put a warnicorn to sleep! Now, surrender. This is where I win."

River gasped, and shook his head. Although a few were still asleep, his men around him were coming to their senses as well.

"But you, haha, forgot one thing!" The king chuckled as he overcame the effects of the medicine. He stood up onto his chair, and the monsters took a step back in unison. "We… are not… WARNICORNS!"

A good portion of his men stood up as well, and glowered at the monsters before them, fighting back their wooziness. Most of them were half-again the size of the monsters, and well-fed at that. "Attack!" River cried.

* * *

There were cheers of excitement as the final bell rang at Echo Creek academy. Although the trees were stripped of their leaves and the air was chilly enough for Janna to borrow one of Marco's hoodies, school was finally out, and for two weeks! Christmas was coming - and that meant fun, games, and presents! And best of all, absolutely no mandatory education!

Marco and Janna made their way down the front steps as the rest of the students students excitedly dispersed into the suburb around them, each of them plotting their own vacations.

"So I'm thinkin… why don't you and your family come over for Christmas Dinner?" Janna asked casually. She hadn't cleared this little plan with her mother yet, but she was sure it'd be fine.

Marco, taken aback, looked at her. "Really? You can… your family won't mind?"

Janna shrugged. "Been awhile since we had anyone over. It'll be a nice change of pace."

Marco smiled at her and thought about the last few months that they'd spent together. Since Janna had found the spellbook at the beginning of the year, the pair had fought zombies, monsters, he'd grown (and lost, thankfully) a monster arm, and his only real regret was that he wished he'd taken more pictures.

He'd grown quite fond of his new friendship with Janna. He hadn't really had a best friend for awhile, and he felt a warmth in his chest as he thought about their shared memories.

Janna snapped her fingers in front of his face, and Marco realized that he'd nearly walked into the road.. "Hey, you still with me Diaz?" She asked.

He shook his head to refocus and nodded. "Sounds great. I'll let my folks know."

There was more to it than that, of course. A dozen questions sprung into Marco's mind. Would he need to bring anything? What would the dress be like? What time should they arrive? Should he bring games? Before their conversation could proceed any further, though, the ground shook, and an explosion rocked the town. From downtown, they saw an enormous fireball flare up into the sky, and around them, sirens blared.

Marco glanced at Janna, to find her looking as surprised as he was. Noticing, she snorted. "Are you going to look at me _every time_ something weird happens?" She asked.

As Marco cocked an eyebrow, she sighed. "Fair enough. Let's go check it out."

* * *

As they stepped into downtown, it was immediately apparent that something was going on. A police line had been established, while firefighters were hosing down a nearby building that had caught fire.

The pair listened in on a camera crew as they reported on the scene, doing their best to stay out of the shot.

"- confirmed reports of fighting on the streets which _caused_ the explosion. Fortunately, everyone was evacuated in time. Police are asking all residents to stay away from the downtown area, and cautioning residents to be on the lookout for a pack of extremely burly men led by a blonde dwarf wearing a crown. They appear to be engaged with a pack of unknown assailants, who vary in size and shape from…"

Janna tugged Marco's sleeve to get his attention and pointed to a nearby alleyway, and Marco nodded. Once they were out of sight of the police line, Janna muttered her spell.

" _Corpus levitus, levitato…_ " she murmurred, the whispers echoing off the alleyway walls as she spoke. The ground lurched beneath their feet as they hovered into the air. But something was wrong - Janna blanched and strained with effort, and their hovering was more like jumps and falls than actual floating.

Marco looked at her, worried, and she let out a gasp before releasing the magic. They stumbled back down to the ground from only a foot in the air.

"You okay?" Marco probed cautiously. Janna nodded, then gulped and steeled herself.

"Yeah." She nodded. "But I think… I think the flying spell is off limits. For now."

Marco nodded and looked up, seeing a rusty fire escape sitting above them. That would work. He gestured to it, and Janna grinned, seemingly back to her old self. "Haven't done that since I found the book," she chuckled.

Clambering up and over the rickety contraption and onto the roof, the duo looked down into the downtown beyond. It was a sight to behold, and not in the good way. Monsters were all over the streets in front of them, and a fire was rapidly spreading from building, to car, to building, seemingly burning even across bare asphalt.

They could see King River's remaining soldiers in the brawl, and in the center, they heard him shouting. He was far too short to make out among the squirming, fighting crowd, but his shouts of rage, joy and duress were unmistakable.

"King River!" Janna shouted to get his attention, and his bald, crowned head popped up from the center of the fray.

"What a wonderful brawl! Wouldn't you say?" He shouted back. "How about you get down here and we show these monsters what-for!"

Janna, excited to join the fight, climbed down the building like a pro. Sort of. Halfway down she lost her grip and fell to the ground, catching herself with a well-placed levitato. Though as Marco joined her a few (much more cautious) moments later, she still looked quite winded.

"What the heck has been happening with me lately?" She asked herself out loud, before ducking under the path of a large mace. She turned to see an enormous grey-skinned minotaur (complete with a nose ring!), rearing back for another clumsy swing. Clearly this guy was still used to just using his fists, because even she could tell he had no idea what he was doing. Waiting for him to swing the massive thing at her again, she raised her hand and prepared a spell.

" _Lignum soli-"_ She started, before being cut off by Marco, who landed a heel on the back of the monster's head from behind, knocking him out cold.

"Janna, you should probably save your magic! Something isn't working right!" He said, before jumping in to assist an increasingly surrounded King River.

Ignoring his advice, Janna held out her hand to launch her attack at some other unsuspecting monster. " _Lignum solidum robur!_ "

The yellow beam of light hit the middle of a small group of rats, covering most of them in a thick coat of sap. It quickly hardened, freezing them in place. She raised her arm to aim at someone else, only to get it pulled back down again, this time by her mentor.

"Hold on Glossaryck, I'm busy!" She hissed, shaking her sleeve free from the genie now at her side. Did nobody realize what they were doing?

"Marco is right Princess, you really shouldn't exert yourself here." He advised. "You're still healing from that thing with the extranet last week, you have to pace yourself!"

"Well I have to fix myself somehow!" She insisted, knowing full well that he was right. "And what better time than when I got some adrenaline flowing?"

"Your funeral," Glossaryck shrugged. "But don't say I didn't warn you!" He sang as he sank back into her pocket.

Meanwhile, Marco and King River were standing back to back, fighting off the still-growing circle around them. As more and more of his soldiers were becoming incapacitated, monsters were beginning to drag them into portals to who-knew-where, leaving them free to turn their attention to the king.

"Marco my boy, glad you could make it!" River called over the multitude of battle cries coming from all around them. He swung his club (adorned with a ram's horns) into the knee of one of the monsters, causing it to fall onto the ground and howl in pain, and Marco kicked it in the head before it could stand up again.

Marco had never seen Ludo's monsters fighting with weapons and mail, and he wasn't particularly keen to figure out how it'd feel to smash his hand into the side of a steel plate. Several times, he stopped his blows before they connected, to the visible relief of the monsters that he fought. Then again, these guys were nothing compared to that hulking _thing_ he had to fight a couple weeks ago. At least his punches actually _did_ something to these guys.

"What happened, why aren't you guys armed?" Marco shouted over the fray. Indeed, River's few remaining soldiers were wearing t-shirts and jeans, no match for the fully-armored battalion before them.

"They came at us while we were eating breakfast, those _animals!"_ The small mancried in rage, clubbing another incoming monster in the head.

The enemy was slowly closing in as River's forces were dwindling, more monsters appearing faster than they could be knocked out. They had to find a way out of this circle, and fast. Dropping down into another stance, Marco prepared himself to launch a final assault before they were overrun.

But much to Marco's surprise, River wrapped an arm around him, and launched them both into the air out of the crowd in a single bound. They landed on the ground just a few feet from Janna, who looked totally exhausted and was indeed finally trying to use her magic as conservatively as possible.

" _Animus Mortalius!"_ She shouted, and a charging monster's armor quickly jumped off of it and walked away into the crowd. Her face turned white from the effort and she staggered.

"Um, Janna, seriously!" Glossaryck called from the safety of her pocket. "You probably _don't_ want to pass out here!"

"What's wrong with her?" River shouted over the noise of combat. They were quickly being circled again, the last of River's soldiers falling over with assorted cries.

"Donno, she seems kinda broken!" Marco shouted back before planting a punch in a rat that jumped up to fight him.

Janna groaned in exertion while doubled over, before managing to retort: "Guys, I'm right here!"

"That's the problem!" River exclaimed, swinging his club to keep the circle at bay. "Marco, take these and get her someplace safe!"

He quickly placed a pair of scissors into a confused Marco's hands and shoved him toward Janna.

"What about you?" Marco pocketed the scissors and roundhoused the minotaur which had rejoined the fight, albeit only for a brief moment.

"I'll go after my men, you stay here! There's no telling what will happen if Ludo gets his hands on her!" The king grinned. "I was born for this! For glory!"

With a howl he dove back into the crowd, which quickly turned inwards on him.

Marco grabbed Janna by the sleeve, earning a remark about how she was not a fan of the whole "grabbing" thing, and they ran back towards the police line.

They arrived just in time to see the rest of the fire department arrive, ducking out of the way of the cameras before disappearing into the crowd. There was a distant shout of defiance as King River was finally subdued, and before long the emergency services were pouring in, police officers supporting firemen as they found… absolutely nothing. All the monsters were gone. And, after sticking around just long enough to see the fires put out, so were Janna and Marco.

* * *

Arriving back at Janna's place via a dimensional portal, the two went inside and Janna collapsed into the still-mostly-clean living room with a relieved sigh. Joleen spared her an odd look from her space in front of the T.V.

Meanwhile, a panicked Marco began frantically pacing back and forth in the kitchen, half rambling and half gasping for air, already trying to think up a rescue plan for River even though he knew nothing about the situation.

"What, you guys get attacked by monsters?" Joleen asked as she stared at the bright cartoon before her.

"Yes!" Marco sputtered. Janna had drizzled out of the couch and onto the floor with her eyes closed to recover. "They attacked the king downtown, and -"

"Yep, don't care." Joleen rolled her eyes and went back to the TV.

After a few minutes of rest, Janna took the effort to sit up, finding Marco still pacing and muttering, but at a much slower, more controlled pace. "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" She asked, finally.

Marco cut himself off and looked at Janna. "That we should've gotten rid of that book when we had the chance?" He responded, and Janna blinked in surprise.

"No, that we should go save King River - you still think we should've gotten rid of the book?" Janna asked.

"Yes! No! I don't know! The monsters just messed up downtown!" Marco threw himself onto the couch above her in defeat.

Janna sighed. "Yep. But that means we've gotta do something, right? Those guys keep coming here just to mess with stuff! We gotta stop it, right? Use the powers or whatever. Thought you'd be all for that..."

In front of her on the TV, Joleen's fire-wielding action star Derrick gave a similar lecture on the importance of responsibility in the face of danger. Noticing this, Janna reached for the remote and turned it off, to Joleen's indignant "Hey! That was a premiere!"

Marco sat up. "You're all… messed up, though! We can't go fight those guys like this!" He gestured between them. Janna was still pale and shaky, and he wasn't doing much better.

Janna slumped back into silence, while Marco hopped back up to resume his pacing, neither having a good solution. In this new silence, Joleen piped up. "So, where was that guy from, anyways?"

"Another dimension, called Mewni." Janna explained. "You know, the one I took you to last week, just less… cool."

"The monsters from there too?" Joleen asked.

"Uh… yeah, I think so," Janna tried to remember. "Why?"

Joleen shrugged. "Sounds like you've got a thing to do. I mean, I wouldn't, but you actually care about the monsters destroying stuff, right?"

Janna nodded, and Marco stopped his pacing. "Well I mean, yeah, but…"

Joleen rolled her eyes. "But nothin'. You're just gonna sit around here and let them get away with it?"

"Janna's tired and I'm not doing too hot either," Marco pointed out.

This earned an annoyed glare from Joleen. "So what," she snapped. "Not like that excuse works when I've gotta do _chores._ "

Janna smiled slightly at her little sister, without ill-intent, for a change. "Y'know… you've got a point."

Janna took a deep breath. She still felt tired, like she needed a good night's rest, even though it was only 4:30. "Guess we should go, then. You ready?" She asked Marco, who rolled his eyes.

"To go to Mewni?" Marco asked. "Uh, no! This is serious! Shouldn't we like, gather up some supplies and plan all this out first?" He asked, knowing her answer before finishing his sentence. "And before you answer that, yes! Yes, we should!"

Janna just shrugged. "We have no idea where they went, what they're doing with him, what they want with him, or how to even find him. But he gave you his portal scissor things. They can take us back to get _whatever_ we need, _whenever_ we need it, and we can think of a plan when we actually know what we're doing."

Looking over, Joleen actually caught a spark of interest. "You guys got 'em too?" She pulled out her pair, adorned with rubies. Marco compared his - squarer and less elegant, and quite a bit more stout. Joleen rolled her eyes and turned back to the television, though not before reaching down and snatching the remote back from Janna. "Figures. Just when I thought I had something cool…"

Marco paused for a moment, trying to think of some sort of counter argument to Janna's logic. Coming up with nothing, he slumped and let his breath out.

"Fine." He sighed, seeing no point in arguing anymore. "Let's go."

Janna nodded, and cut a hole in her living room, making a murky green, swirling vortex. "Shall we?" She offered a shaky hand, still slouched although at least standing.

Marco nodded, took her hand, and together they stepped through the portal.

* * *

Making sure to close the portal before Joleen or her pet could follow them, Janna checked out her surroundings. Not only was the forest around them dense, nearly everything in it was _huge._ That was her first thought. Her second was out loud.

"Oh my gosh its _hooootttttt_ ," she groaned. And humid. She felt sweat start to form on her face immediately. She definitely should _not_ have been wearing a hoodie.

Although, less notably, her exhaustion had melted off with the temperature. She felt like she could run a marathon. Or at least, walk one in short bursts with water breaks in between.

"So is this Mewni?" Marco asked, looking a bit disappointed. "I was expecting it to be a little bit more… Idonno, _kingdomy_ than this."

"Well I haven't exactly been to the _castle,_ just where River took me." She explained, guessing that was why they were in the middle of nowhere. "And I've never seen this place before," she continued, looking around at the enormous trees and bushes. "I don't know where River is, just that he's on Mewni."

"So what you're saying is, we could literally be _anywhere_ on this _entire_ planet?" Marco asked. When met with silence, he just sighed in defeat. "How does that work, anyway? Is Mewni _even a planet?_ "

Janna shrugged blankly. These sort of questions rarely troubled her. Marco rolled his eyes. "Fine, let's go ask around or something."

* * *

After an hour or so of wandering around the creepy forest, one thing was very apparent to them. This place was _not_ safe. Not five minutes after arriving, they were almost bitten in half by some sort of giant venus flytrap, and impaled by at _least_ three different swinging branches, and then almost bitten in half _again_ by _another_ giant venus flytrap. Not to mention a little, suspiciously-innocent bird that wouldn't stop following them.

"Okay seriously, that thing is creeping me out." Marco complained, half-hiding behind Janna as it once again appeared in the boughs above them. "I haven't seen it move _once_ , but it's still keeping up with us! Are you sure you can't just like, blast it with something to make it go away?"

"Aren't you the one who told me to conserve my magic as much as possible?" Janna asked, taking comfort in his discomfort. Not much other comfort was to be had, as she'd turned Marco's hoodie into a cape forty minutes ago to try and beat the heat, and probably would've taken off her shirt if she'd been alone.

"Actually, that was me." Came Glossaryck from Janna's pocket. Popping his head out, he looked contemplative, for a moment. "And Marco too, I suppose," he conceded. "But that thing _is_ super creepy, I'd blast it."

"Fine, I'll levitato it somewhere else, happy?" She turned around and pointed her hand to it, only to find that it was gone. "Uh…"

"It's gone, isn't it?" Marco asked, not looking up. "Can we _please_ leave before something kills us? Or at least grab something to eat?"

"We've only been here for, like, an hour, and you already want to quit?" She scolded. "Don't you want to go save River?"

"Well yeah," He started, "but like you said, we can literally just portal out of here, grab a sandwich, and portal back."

After pausing for a couple seconds, Janna slapped a hand to her face and pulled out her scissors, cutting a portal into Marco's house.

* * *

"Y'krow," Marco said through a mouthful of PB&J, "I ged the feeng fad we're kinda missing dhe spirid of fhings by doing dhis."

"The spirit of things?" Janna stuffed her face with her own sandwich, raising an eyebrow.

"Werr yeah!" Marco swallowed. "What if Odysseus could just portal home when he wanted to? The Odyssey wouldn't have happened!"

Janna stared at him over her food. "I don't know what any of that means."

"Y'know, Odysseus," Marco tried. "Greek legend, laid siege to Troy with Achilles…"

Janna just kept up the blank expression.

"We're reading about it in Skullnick's class _right now!_ " Marco exclaimed, and there was a spark of recognition in Janna's eyes.

"Oh! Explains why I don't know about it," she snorted as they finished eating. Exhaustion had hit her again as soon as they'd come back to Earth, and as much as she didn't want to bear the humidity, she felt much more awake on Mewni. Marco had spread out like he was ready to stay for a bit, but she wasn't interested in falling asleep. "Anyways, let's finish up, we've still gotta save the king."

Finishing their food, they opened the portal again, and stepped back through, into the muggy heat of the forest. They were in someplace totally new, still in the forest but completely lost. Now there were two birds.

"Oh, hang on," Marco said, stepping back to Earth before the portal could close. Emerging a moment later, he was holding an airhorn, which he sounded at the birds. They didn't react. Tossing it aside, he disappeared again, returning with a potato gun and a confident expression. But the birds had disappeared.

"Great." He sighed. "Now there's two of them." They started walking as the portal snapped shut behind them, Marco having tossed both hoodies and the potato gun back through before it did. "Soon there's going to be three," he said to himself, "then four! Then twelve, then twenty, and then we're dinner. Gonna be just like that old movie _The Pidgeons…"_

They managed to get another few hundred feet into the forest before Marco insisted on stopping for mosquito spray, having swatted his fill of the bugs - which were also nearly three times the size of Earth's. He then realized he was out, and Janna tapped her foot impatiently as he had her open a _different_ portal to the store to go buy some.

Then they stopped again a few minutes later to get some netting, since the spray didn't work.

Then they stopped a third third time after wading a creek, so Marco could change his socks. Then _again_ , as they were once again immediately drenched by an errant puddle.

"Y'know," Janna said nearly an hour later. "I'm starting to get what you meant about the whole "spirit of adventure" thing." Marco was pulling on a pair of hiking boots and had brought in a soda-drinking hat fitted with water bottles to help keep cool.

"Suit yourself!" He said as he strung up his boots and put on some gloves. "This adventure sucks! Besides, we're still making good progress!"

Looking behind them, they both saw the point that they'd come in through the trees in the distance. Not exactly a lot of distance.

Janna rolled her eyes. There was fussy, then there was Marco.

Before they could continue, a deafening roar sounded through the forest. The two reflexively clamped their hands to their ears as hundreds of birds were shaken out of the trees, all around them. Then the ground began to shake as something began pounding towards them.

Neither had to say anything as they turned and ran in the opposite direction. They passed their entry point in only a few minutes, sprinting backwards and away from the big whatever-it-was.

"Janna!" Marco shouted between gasps. "The scissors!"

"Duh!" Janna rolled her eyes in frustration. She pulled them out and the two stopped as the monster thundered closer. Snapping them through the air, though, nothing happened.

"What?" Marco asked, his voice rising in panic. "Why aren't they working?"

"I don't know!" Janna retorted, equally as panicked. "They were fine a few minutes ago!"

The trees where they'd been standing only a minute ago thundered down, and the two kept running.

Janna tried again as they ran, to no avail. "Gah! Work, you stupid things!"

"Why-y-y-!" Marco cried. Both of them were rapidly running out of strength.

"Well, do you know where you are?"

Suddenly a familiar voice was between them. Glossaryck was floating along leisurely, in his usual meditative position.

"No!" Janna shouted, pushing through some branches. "Yes! In a forest!"

"Ah, but _where_ in the forest?" Glossaryck asked, patronizingly.

"Glossaryck, get to the point!" Marco snapped, as a razor sharp thorn tore through the side of his hoodie.

"Fine. The scissors won't work if you don't know where you are. If you feel lost, you can't be found. Get it?" With that, he disappeared back down into Janna's pocket. "Call me back when you're feeling less grumpy."

"Great!" Marco said. "So now our only way out isn't working, either!"

"Or you could, I don't know, _find_ a way out?" Came Glossaryck's muffled, sarcastic voice, clearly upset that nobody would humor him.

"Wait," Marco mused, looking back. "Can we even see that thing?"

"Who cares, it's huge and it's trying to kill us!" Janna panted back, trying not to trip over all the moving roots that were sticking out of the ground.

"If we can't see it when it's that humongous, how in the world can it see us through all these trees?" He asked, jumping over one of the many giant carnivorous plants surrounding them.

"Marco, I think we should focus on _not dying_ at the moment, we can deal with the how and why later!"

"It can't!" He realized, before grabbing Janna's shoulder and skidding to a stop.

"Marco, what are you-" Janna cried, before Marco clamped his hand over her mouth.

"It can't see us!" He said as quietly as he could over the pounding, slowly taking his hand off her mouth. "How do you think it knows where we are?"

"It… oh." She slowly realized,before her eyes widened. "Ohhh…"

With that, the two crept to the side as quickly and quietly as they could, hopefully out of the way of the behemoth that was chasing them.

After a minute or so, the pounding began to slow down, and eventually came to a halt right where they were last running. As soon as they heard the thing stop, they immediately ducked behind a tree trunk. Fortunately, the trees here were even more massive, so they could both duck behind the same one.

Not daring to peek out in case they were spotted, they both held perfectly still, making sure not to breathe too heavily. This thing probably had _extremely_ good ears if it could hear them from so far away.

Janna pulled out her phone, and was about to start scrolling through possible spells to use when Marco grabbed her wrist. Looking up at him, he had a stern expression on his face before pointing a finger at her phone, and shaking his head. She opened her mouth to protest, but Marco once again put his hand over her mouth to silence her.

He then began to feel a tickly sensation by his ankle, and slowly looked down to see a huge, hairy centipede creeping up his leg. His skin turned nearly white, and he looked back up at Janna who quickly shook her head, knowing what was coming. Just before he could let out a girlish scream, she quickly whispered a spell and blasted his face with a coat of quickly hardening sap, making sure not to cover his nose.

She kicked the thing off his leg, and waited for Marco to calm down before letting the sap harden completely and break off. The cracks and chipping of the molasses sounded like gunfire compared to the near-silence that had taken their environment. It seemed the rest of the forest was well-accustomed to the behemoth's presence, since in the still air, there wasn't hardly a rustle of leaves or even a bird call.

Before Marco could properly shoot Janna a glare for her stunt, they heard an enormous snuffling and grumbling as the monster looked around, and they could hear dust and mud being kicked up while it smelled at the earth. As it approached, Marco's hand unwittingly found Janna's and, with the thing just on the other side of their tree, they even stopped breathing.

After another few moments of this, the ground began to shake once again as they heard the colossal monstrosity's equivalent of an annoyed grumble. They waited for the footsteps to get far enough away, and snuck off in the opposite direction it was heading.

* * *

Not long after, the sun was setting, and to the two teens' relief, the forest branches were getting thinner. Their past exploits were behind them, and the scissors still weren't working, which meant that they had to walk. They'd picked a different direction from where they'd came, and the efforts seemed to be paying off. Above them, the sky was turning purple and filling with stars. Still, although the air was getting cooler, the forest didn't exactly feel safe during the day, nevermind at night.

"So…" Janna ventured quietly. They hadn't talked much since their last encounter, not wanting to attract the big whatever-it-was again. They'd stopped in a small clearing, rimmed by trees but open to the starry sky. Very distinctive. And through the trees, they were starting to see more of the clearings. This was distinct and easily recognizable, and on a hunch, Janna pulled out the scissors and snipped a small hole into the air, feeling a gush of cold Earth-night air come pouring through.

"Come back tomorrow?" She asked. "Think we'll be able to find this place."

Marco looked up at the sky. "I donno. To be honest, I kinda wanted to camp out. Like, with a tent and a fire. I mean, life-and-death situations aside, I think it'd be neat."

Janna thought about the last time she'd done that - while she was on Mewni with River. It had certainly been part of the experience.

She smiled. "I like the way you think, Diaz!"

"That does mean we're gonna have to go home and get the stuff, though." Marco noted. Taking the scissors from Janna, he cut open a larger portal and returned a few minutes later, with armfuls of camping equipment - a tent, a pair of sleeping bags, camp chairs, even some firewood.

A few minutes later, they sat watching the stars as the sun set completely, a small, comfy fire crackling in front of them. The forest around them was croaking with frogs, chirping with grasshoppers and rustling with the wind, and Marco felt content.

The two stared up at the sky, and began dozing off, just as another roar echoed out through the forest, somewhere nearby.

Sitting bolt-upright, the two looked at each other. "So, come back tomorrow, then?" Marco asked. Janna nodded, and opened the portal. They kicked at the fire to put it out, and didn't even bother packing up before rushing through, back to the safety of Earth.

* * *

 **Sup, yo. This chapter brought to you by the letter H.**

 **First part of the season finale done! Don't worry - the second part is almost finished (which is why we waited so long to post this) so there wont be a big gap this time.**

 **What'd you think? I'm actually a lot happier with this chapter than I thought I would be. Big shoutout to SKL - he came up with a lot of ideas about the forest and the scissors, so thanks, my dude.**

 **Incidentally, before anyone asks, yes, we will still be doing S2, hopefully on a tighter schedule (lol) than this season. Our brainstorm is almost done as well, so there shouldn't be _too_ big a gap between seasons. They'll be posted here as well.**

 **If you're interested, I figure it's time to announce it - in between chapters, you can find more information about what's happening with this story at therussohousehold(dottumblr)(dotcom). Sorry for the link, FF really hates outside links and it's annoying. We don't have anything there right now (besides the picture of Joleen), but starting with the conclusion of S1, you'll be able to catch sneak peeks at coming content - we'll be posting future episode synopses, episode teasers as content gets finished, whatever fan art we find, answering questions and talking with people (both in and out of character), and eventually I'm going to commission some art of different scenes and characters, and find a nice theme to fit the story.**

 **In the meantime, go follow if you want. Like I said, not much there, but it's good to know about.**

 **No comment responses this week (the Joleen pic can be found at the tumblr, like I said - in case anyone else was wondering) but I love reading them! Let me know what you liked about this chapter. AND, I'm looking for ideas on things that we can put into the forest of certain death for someday into the future. Let me know if you've got a creative concept for a monster! ALSO, if I don't get the next chapter uploaded by WEDNESDAY THE 1ST OF NOVEMBER leave a review and tell me to do it. No reason that we can't have the second half done by then.**

 **No preview of the next episode, it's coming out so soon. Essentially... they're just gonna keep trying to find River. Will they do it? Will they fight Ludo? Will they put on ridiculous costumes to sneak through a monster party? Will Marco and Janna finally kiss due to a hilarious mixup at the dry cleaners? Will Joleen accidentally start a trans-dimensional war while they're away?**

 **Maybe. At least some of those things will happen. Find out next week (for real this time) on the next episode of JVTFOE!**

 **Toodles.**


	18. Chapter 15: MOE 2: Electric Boogaloo

**Second half! And season finale! We're really proud of ourselves for finishing this. If you're interested in what's happening next, check out the bottom of the text. Thank you for reading and supporting, the first season has been fun!**

* * *

For most teenagers, the beginning of winter break would be celebrated by sleeping in. Probably for as late as possible, or at least until well after they'd need to wake up normally, it was one of the first comforts of the holidays, followed closely by a total freedom of daylight hours, and eventually, a shower of presents to accompany Christmas.

Marco Diaz, however, woke up even earlier than usual on his first day of winter break, which established once again that he was _not_ most teenagers.

While his parents were still asleep, he was out in the backyard, just as the sun began cresting the horizon. But rather than watching the sunrise, he was digging through his family's shed, stuffing virtually everything he got his hands on into a backpack.

Extra string for a weedwacker? Eh, might come in handy. Backpack.

Pair of buckets, rusted out and with holes in the bottom? Not totally useless. Backpack.

Set of gardening shears that didn't close properly? Sounds good. Backpack.

Oh, and he'd need to leave room for food, the tent, his sleeping bag and bug spray, of course.

With his heaping pile of supplies crammed into a bag that nearly burst at the seams, he went back inside ready to start the day, only to meet his very dreary-haired and freshly awoken parents, sitting in the kitchen to revive over coffee and pancakes.

"Ah, _mijo!"_ Marco's father greeted him from his barstool. Peppy as ever, it seemed that not even a good morning's blurriness could dampen their happy attitudes. Before Marco could think of hiding them, his dad spotted the bag of supplies on his back. "Happy winter break! Um, might I ask - what are you up to?"

"Oh, y'know, just doing some stuff." Marco evasively replied, setting the backpack down and pushing it out of view with his foot.

"Oh…" Mr. Diaz replied. His wife stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Listen, Marco," his mother said, "we're… happy that you're having fun, but we need to talk to you."

Marco's dad suddenly looked unbearably uncomfortable, and his face reddened. Marco looked between them, confused. "Oookay," he said, sitting down next to them.

"Listen, Marco…" Rafael began before seeming to lose his tongue.

"Uh, I am, that's the second time you've told me to." Marco replied.

"We're glad that you've… found someone," his mother began, "but we just want to make sure that you're comfortable… bringing her over."

Her husband rapidly nodded in agreement, while Marco looked on in even further confusion.

"It's just that… we noticed that when we went into the garage yesterday, the tent and some sleeping bags were gone," his mother said earnestly.

"Ooooh." Marco said in sudden realization. "Wait,"

"And we know that a boy your age, might want to spend a… 'night over' every once in awhile," Marco's mom continued over his protests.

Marco blanched, the meaning not lost on him. Suddenly it was hard to breathe, or formulate words.

"We just want you to know that… anyone you bring over will always be welcome." His mom finished with a smile.

"Oh, well, okaythenmombutIgottagoI'llseeyoulaterbye!"

Marco couldn't get out of his chair fast enough, jerking his bag out of the corner and running to grab his shoes before cutting a portal into the living room wall and jumping through.

 _That_ particular conversation was one he was okay with avoiding for as long as possible. Potentially _forever_.

* * *

As soon as Marco disappeared around the corner, his parents looked at each other, and burst into laughter.

"His face!" His mother said, wiping away a tear while Rafael did the same.

"They remind me of us, when we were their age," Marco's dad said fondly.

"Mhm." His wife gave him a kiss on the cheek, then went back to the pancakes. "Oh, but he left without breakfast…"

* * *

While Marco Diaz, Echo Creek's resident safe-kid, straight-A student and overall stand-up teenager, might not have a problem getting up early, the same couldn't be said for his counterpart.

Rather, when she woke to the sound of a portal tearing open in her room, she could only express sheer annoyance, since there was a short list of people she knew with dimensional scissors, _none_ of which she had any interest in seeing before 10:00 AM at the earliest.

So when Marco stepped into her room, rather than a "hello," he was greeted by first a pillow, then an old textbook, then a crumpled-up, torn out page of said old textbook, all aimed at his face.

"OK, ok, sorry!" he said, before disappearing out into the hallway with a mutter. "Didn't even mean to portal in here anyways…"

Groaning at the early morning (in her mind, it should've been criminal to wake a person before 9:00 AM), Janna shook herself awake the best way she knew how - by rolling out of her bed, and straight onto the floor. Though not before checking that Marco had closed the door behind him - she wasn't exactly about to let him know she wore hot pink pajamas.

Before long, though, she was wearing her usual clothes and had her usual attitude, although perhaps a bit more grumpy for the morning's embrace.

Opening the door to her room, she immediately ran face-first into the bag on Marco's back with an "Oomph!"

"What'd you put in there," she asked from the floor. "Your entire shed?"

"No!" Marco said indignantly, unable to turn around in the narrow hallway. "Just what would fit."

As if on cue, a seam split on the bag and its contents tumbled out with a clatter. Immediately following this in tandem from Joleen and Janna's mom was _"Janna! Shut up, I'm trying to sleep!"_

While Janna pushed the things past her doorway and into her room, Marco mourned the loss of a perfectly good backpack.

"So, ready to go?" Janna asked a few minutes later. They'd found their way into the kitchen, where both had yogurt cups in hand. Marco had remained pretty tight-lipped about the reasons why he hadn't eaten at his place, but he'd bought her food enough times to merit a morning snack, at least.

"Like this?" Marco gestured between them. "What if the dimensional scissors stop working again? I brought supplies for a reason."

Janna rolled her eyes with spoon in hand. "Yeah, like a coil of weedwacker wire is really going to help anything." She said sarcastically. "Can't we just go?"

"Can't _you_ just take this seriously?" Marco retorted. Opening the pantry, he began stuffing food into another bag. What kind of responsible person didn't bring a backup backpack, stuffed inside the first backpack?

"Marco, quit being the safe kid!" Janna said. "You're sucking all the fun out of it."

The bag now half-full of food, Marco glared at her. "Well if you think it's unnecessary, you don't get any of it." He said simply, before zipping the bag shut.

Janna levelled her gaze at him and he quelled a bit. The early-morning fury of a Russo child wouldn't be much lessened, even if it was against her best friend.

"Fine," Janna growled. "But put that back. I don't want my mom shouting at me. We'll buy our own."

Conceding the point, Marco put the contents of the bag back and opened a portal. Stepping through, they were gone in an instant.

* * *

Returning to Mewni's forest with a new bag full of supplies (courtesy of Marco's wallet), Janna was happily surprised by a much more moderate morning, compared to the muggy heat of the previous day. Although some small creatures had made their tent and sleeping bags their home, and try as they might, there was no removing them.

After a few more short minutes of forest-travel (and some congratulations on the scissors taking them back to where they wanted to go), they arrived at the edge of the woods. Mewni, it seemed, was a land of extremes. The forest behind them, with its enormous trees and deadly creatures, was matched only by the endless expanse of grassy, golden plains before them.

"Seriously?" Janna sighed. "I don't know what I was expecting."

"Well at least we can _see_ where we're going!" Marco piped up, beginning to walk forward into the seemingly endless plain. He seemed _too_ happy about this development. "And no more giant trees!" He said giddily.

Shrugging, Janna followed along behind him.

* * *

"It is _hot_ out here!" Janna complained, annoyed.

Their walk through the endless expanse began to drag on immediately, and without the shade of the trees to help, they were sweating as much as they were yesterday. A rolling set of hills quickly obscured the forest behind them from view, and in the distance, they could see mountains.

"Well, at least we have _some_ sort of reference point." Marco said, glad they weren't wandering aimlessly anymore.

"Do we _have_ to keep lugging both these backpacks around?" Janna groaned. Mewni's sun wasn't very friendly, even on a cool morning like this. "Don't you think one is enough?"

"What, so _I_ can be the one to carry it?"

"Well, yeah. At least _you're_ in shape with all that karate stuff you do!" She complained.

"Yeah?" Marco jabbed. "Don't you have some sort of _spell_ or something that can make yours lighter?" With that, she immediately paused and thought for a second.

"Do I?" She pulled out her phone, only to be greeted by a sight that she would've rather not seen. Glossaryck was sprawled out on her screen, clipping his digital toenails. Gagging a bit, she pushed him to the side and began scrolling through her spells. "Hey Glossaryck, do I have a spell that can make stuff lighter?"

"Probably, you have a lot of spells in here," Came his voice from the phone's speaker. Janna had pushed him off the screen. "Check section four."

"Seriously? I was joking!" Marco told her.

"But it was a good Idea." She said, finding the one she was looking for.

"Fine." He conceded. "Well if you're gonna use it anyway, could you do mine too?"

"Nope, sorry." She teased. "Gotta conserve my magic, right?"

Expecting nothing less, Marco decided not to give Janna the satisfaction of complaining.

One short, uninteresting spell later, and they continued walking.

"Man, you can hardly tell there's so much stuff in there." Janna said loudly, sneaking a not-so-subtle glance in Marco's direction. They'd been walking for about a minute.

"I bet, that's a pretty useful spell." He commented, further disappointing Janna in his reaction. They walked in silence for a few more seconds, before Janna finally broke.

"Uhg, fine, take your stupid spell." Janna groaned, before mumbling something incoherent, and Marco's backpack immediately became lighter.

"Why _thank_ you Janna, how very nice of you." Marco said smugly.

"I can take that spell back, you know." She told him, clearly upset that Marco somehow beat her in a mind game.

"Yeah yeah, I know." He said, still smirking.

"But anyway, how long are we gonna keep wandering like this? Janna asked. "We gotta have a goal or something, right?"

"Well, I figured we'd keep going till we found some sort of civilization," Marco started, "but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen anytime soon, we're in the middle of nowhere."

"You think there might be something on the other side of those mountains?"

"Maybe, but it'll take a couple days to get there." He commented. "And I don't know if we should go all the way over there just to find out we wasted all that time."

"Well, you have any better ideas?" Janna asked, scratching her neck. "I say we go for it, it's not like we can really do anything else."

"That's the thing, we-" Marco paused for a couple seconds, and slapped his forehead.

"What, you think of something?"

Not saying a word, Marco expressionlessly pulled out River's scissors and cut a hole, and motioned for Janna to step in. Walking past and into the portal, Janna slapped his forehead as well.

"We just spent a couple _hours_ walking in a straight line." She deadpanned.

"Yup."

Taking a deep breath to keep herself from punching something in the face, she put her foot into the vortex.

"Actually," Marco said, stopping her, "We should probably put on some warmer clothes first."

* * *

"It is _freezing_ up here!" Janna complained, atop one of the shorter mountains in the range.

"It'd be alot _more_ freezing if we went to one of the taller ones." Marco said, scanning the surrounding areas. He could see the plains where they'd been a few minutes earlier, straight in front of him, and the forest that they'd left on the horizon.

While Janna (wearing her version of "warm clothes" - a windbreaker and jeans) shivered next to him, Marco was drawing up a map of the land on a blank piece of paper as well as he could. Which was to say, not very well at all. But it would do, they only needed to know the general location of where they were.

"You almost done with that thing?" Janna asked, looking at it upside down while she rubbed her hands together. "I don't want to sit up here all day."

"I just started, hold on. Do you _want_ to get lost again like we did yesterday?" Further away, opposite the direction they'd been traveling, there was another forest, but this one was smaller. The other side of that forest seemed pretty strangely normal, too, rolling green hills, a river, a little town, a few little wooded areas…

"Marco," Janna cut in. "My fingers are going to freeze off if we stay up here. And if they do I'm feeding them to _you._ "

"Alright, alright, fine!" Marco conceded. "Should've just worn something warmer…" he muttered.

Tearing open another portal, he pointed to the town in the distance, but before he could say anything, Janna had jumped through.

Passing through after her, they found themselves on the outskirts of the town. Or, rather, what used to be the town. It'd looked a lot more like a town from far off. Neither of the duo spoke as they examined the wreckage.

What had once been a quaint little hovel had been nearly levelled, the cobbled huts collapsed, while sturdier buildings were charred and burnt out. A few hobbling mewnians were moving among the wreckage, shell-shocked or crying.

"Nope," was the first simple word out of Janna's mouth, and she snatched the scissors from Marco's hands before he could think twice about it. Opening a portal back to Earth, she already had one leg into it when Marco grabbed her by the back of her windbreaker and pulled her back.

"Hey, no grabbing!" she remarked, swatting his hands away.

"Don't you think we should help?" Marco asked, ignoring her.

"Uh, I mean… no?" Janna asked back, sounding utterly unconvincing and earning a sharp glare from her companion. Without saying anything, Marco headed into the town and Janna, looking longingly at the portal behind her, followed suit.

"Hey man, we're just here to save the king," Janna told him as they surveyed the damage. Virtually every building in the village was destroyed. "Can't go helping everyone. It, uh, disagrees with me."

"Disagrees with you?" Marco asked coolly. "Janna, people are hurt. This isn't high school, people won't make fun of you for being a good person."

Before either could continue, there was a cry for help, nearby. Marco and Janna exchanged a last look before running over.

"My daughter is in there!" A woman shouted, over and over as she moved rocks. She was kneeling in front of a pile of stones that had once been a hut, desperately digging. She had muscled arms and a blacksmith's apron, but it wasn't a one person job.

Stepping in to help, Marco and Janna began pulling at rocks themselves. Soon after, a fourth person joined their efforts. She was shorter than the blacksmith, and pudgier, but her arms were much larger.

Before long they'd cleared away the stones, and a young girl wandered out of a cave inside the wreckage, clearly very confused. The mother scooped her up without a second thought and gave a quick look of thanks before hurrying off.

"There, we done?" Janna asked. "Let's just ask for directions and get out of here."

Marco, spotting a food line for the other survivors, shoved her his backpack and replied, "fine. Go give out our food and ask while you're doing it. I'm going to go help the healers."

Beyond the food line, an elderly woman was feeling someone's forehead with shaking hands.

Taking the bag, the two separated and marched to their charges. Unobserved, the stout woman that had been helping them clear rubble watched them go.

* * *

"And make sure to keep some pressure on it for a while, you don't want it to start bleeding again." Marco told one of the townsfolk, who had been injured in the raid. Also, he'd found out that there had been a raid. The man had a somewhat deep gash on his outer thigh, which Marco helped clean before the doctor stitched it up. This was the third of such wounds that he'd helped heal, and he was glad he'd shown up - the medical practices around here weren't exactly "modern" by any standard.

Kneeling next to him, Marco had found the doctor himself to be a funny sort - boisterous and cheerful, with a backpack, a blond beard, short stature and a shrimpy face, and seemingly both uninjured and completely unaffected by the ruins surrounding him.

"Another few minutes and we would've lost the leg!" He said cheerfully. He jabbed the needle into the man's leg thoughtlessly, causing a yelp. "Thanks, friend!"

"Uh, sure," Marco said, watching as he haphazardly went at his task. "Have you ever actually, like, been to medical school?"

"Medical school?" The doctor chortled. "What's that? I'm an alchemist by trade." As if on que, he reached into his back pocket and withdrew a flask. He poured some onto the now-stitched wound, causing another yelp, before taking a swig of it himself. He offered it to the villager he'd been working on, who reached out tentatively.

Apparently deciding the better of it, the doctor withdrew the offer and took a last swig instead, tossing the empty bottle behind him.

"Well, out of that!" He said cheerfully. "Guess we'll have to make due without disinfectant!"

Seeing Marco watching in disbelief, he gestured for him to shoo. "Well, I can handle this, go help your friend. Tally ho, off now!"

* * *

Janna, meanwhile, had found a much more agreeable partner to distribute her food with. He was skinny, wore a black hood, had a lute on his back, and scowled at anyone who looked at his direction. He didn't talk, and overall was very unfriendly, which suited Janna just fine.

Still though, as their rations were quickly depleted and the villagers began to nibble at bits of jerky and cans of fruit, she'd come no closer to finding out where Ludo's castle was. Mostly because she'd forgotten to ask.

Her bag now nearly empty, she slung it on her back and tapped her partner on the shoulder. He tensed.

"Hey, so we're, like, trying to rescue some people from Ludo's castle. You wouldn't happen to -"

"Alright so I'm a bard!" the man burst out angrily. Janna watched with a raised eyebrow. "It's not my fault, my mom made me do it."

"Uh…" Janna replied, somewhat unsure how to respond to such an outburst.

"That's what you were gonna say, right?" He asked demandingly.

"No." Janna rolled her eyes. "I'm looking for Ludo's castle."

Surly, and now seemingly annoyed that she hadn't payed attention to his little outburst, the bard pointed in the general direction of some craggy foothills. "That way."

"Oh, uh," Janna looked to where he was pointing and decided not to press the matter. Some directions or a location would've been nice. "Thanks…" She said, scooting off.

* * *

Meeting back up in the center of the village, the two shared their information. Marco took the opportunity to complain about a general lack of hygiene in the area, while Janna shared that she'd learned pretty much nothing besides a general direction.

"Vy are yu here." As the two started to plan their next move, they were interrupted by the large woman that they'd helped clear rubble, earlier. She spoke with a thick accent that neither teen could quite place. Standing next to them she was even bulkier, hardly any taller than they were but sporting enough muscle and mass to fight a bear for hibernation rights.

"Uh, we're looking for Ludo's castle," Marco said, hoping to finally find some help, now that the town had been dealt with.

"Vy."

"Trying to rescue someone," Janna evasively replied.

"Who."

"King River, and anywhere from… 4 to 25 of his soldiers," Marco guessed.

Popping up from behind her, the doctor spoke next. "Rescuing the king! Why, I haven't seen that fellow since the last Johansson family picnic! Sounds like a quest!"

"You know the king?" Marco asked.

"Sure! He's my… second cousin!" The doctor replied. "On me mum's side."

While he talked, the townsfolk gathered 'round as well, murmurs of rescuing a king and Mewni's saviors being whispered about.

"Sounds like we've got the makin's of an angry mob!" The doctor said, excitedly. "I'm Tosh. This is Neva," he patted the burly woman on the shoulder, "and that over there is Dave."

From the edge of the crowd, the bard replied in a sour tone, "hi, I'm Dave."

"Together, we're Mewni's most fearsome rebels!" Tosh exclaimed, and the crowd suddenly hushed.

Rolling her eyes, Neva sighed. "Oh, good, and now everyone knows."

"Rebels!" Someone shouted angrily in the crowd. "They're the reason we got sacked!"

"They're the reason the monsters burned everything down!" A woman replied.

"They poisoned our water supply, burned our crops, and delivered a plague unto our houses!" A third voice returned.

"We - we did?" Tosh asked, taken aback.

"Well, no," the voice admitted before regaining its volume. "But are we just gonna sit around and wait until they do?!"

The crowd shouted and torches were lit. It seemed that there was indeed the makings of an angry mob - but it was anger at them, not Ludo, that had lit the fires. Marco and Janna, standing in the center of their ire, suspected that there wasn't going to be much distinction between them and their new party.

Stones started flying around them, along with rotten food and insults. Janna made to open a portal before the scissors were snatched by Tosh, who gestured them all through. The others followed, with Dave (seemingly reluctantly) going along behind them.

* * *

Stepping out of the portal only a moment later, a few more stones and tomatoes followed the group through. They were standing on a craggy, barren soil, and in front of them loomed an enormous grey castle. Lighting flashed ominously, the clouds swirling around the top spire.

"Some weather, huh?" Tosh remarked lightly as he led the way towards the front gate. "Anyways, here we are, Ludo's castle!"

Following nervously, Marco looked around for sentries. "Guys, I'm not sure if walking up to the gate like this is a good idea!"

"I don't see any guards, do you?" Tosh asked. Not receiving a response, he looked over his other shoulder. "You, Neva?" The burly woman shook her head.

"Ah, see, here we are." The five walked right up to the front of the gate, without a soul in sight. Above them, the castle's spires looked impossibly tall.

"Alright, so," Tosh said, turning around to face the others. "First things first, there's a dampening crystal 'round here somewhere. You can taste it in the air!" Sticking out his tongue, he licked at nothing before continuing. "Which means that the scissors aren't gonna work till you get back to where we came in." He pointed to their little clearing, a hundred feet away, and tossed the scissors back to Janna.

"Now, about this lock…" he muttered, leaning down. "I think, with _just_ the right touch, I'll be able to get it…"

"The key's still in the door," Dave remarked, bored.

With a click the gate swung open, and Tosh stepped up, turning to take a bow. "Just like that! Thank you, thank you… now, time to find our lost king!"

The courtyard of the castle was just as deserted as the perimeter, and only as the group approached the cracked front doors did they finally understand why. Music thumped from inside the castle, and flashing lights were bouncing from wall to wall. They could hear cheering and shouting from inside, along with the sounds of food and drink.

"Party," Neva said simply.

"Yeah…" before Tosh could say anything, Janna had snuck inside, Marco following reluctantly. Pressing herself up against an inner door, she peeked inside.

In the center of the enormous chamber beyond, a few mewnian soldiers were performing a bad circus act. Wrestling bears, jumping through hoops, swimming in a tank with a shark… it was quite a sight to see. A second glance revealed that River wasn't among them.

"Not here," Janna hissed at the others as they joined her at the door. The rebels, though, were too busy staring at their fellows being forced to perform. Fists were clenched and teeth bared. Even David seemed positively livid.

"Guys, later!" Marco harshly whispered, regaining their attention. "We're here to save the king first, remember?"

"Right…" Tosh said through clenched teeth. With one last hateful glance behind him, he and the other two turned and continued following Marco and Janna. The king took priority, always

Once he was sure everybody was back with him, Marco carefully looked down the next hallway. Making sure there were no guards stationed here, he stepped in and motioned everybody else to follow.

"Dungeons are in the deepest part, right?" Marco reasoned. "So, if we go down, we find the king."

Sure enough, a flight of tightly wound spiral stairs wound down in front of them which they followed down, into the ground.

They came upon the dungeons immediately at the bottom, rows and columns of cells that stretched off into black darkness. The ones nearest to the entrance were empty, but as they entered further into the labyrinth, they started coming upon soldiers.

A few were untouched, shackled to the walls and staring at them as they went by, or otherwise sleeping. Some, though, were reduced to husks, shrivelled and drained enough for their thin wrists to fall through their manacles. They weren't starving, but their papery skin and wrinkled bodies gave an impression of extreme age - despite their hair and stature suggesting middle age, at best.

Before long they started noticing machines - goofy-looking, brightly colored boxes, either sitting in the corners of cells or hooked up to mewmans, with suction cups attached to tubes and a pump on the box. Their placement seemed to be random - arms, legs, even the cap of the head, wherever they would fit, they "pumped."

Disregarding this, as they reached the back of the dungeon they reached River's cell. They could hear him before they saw him - grunts of effort as, they found out, he was using his manacles to do pull-ups against the back wall.

"King River!" Janna whispered to get his attention.

Looking up, River allowed himself to fall back down onto his shackles and his eyes widened in surprise. "Janna, Marco!" He whispered jovially in return. The other three members of the party soluted in unison. "And relatives!" The king acknowledged. "A pleasure to see you, believe me! I'm afraid that they've gotten some new restraints since the last time I was here, and, erm, well, I'm in a bit of a situation."

Pulling on the chains, River placed his feet against the wall and put his full strength forward, but to no avail.

"The keys are with a big, ugly monster." River paused, to looks of confusion from everyone he directed. Rolling his eyes, he tried another approach. "Tosh, do you remember that scuffle we had, oh, four years ago, with that swamp pig and those gargoyles at that bar?"

"Of course!" Tosh's eyes lit up as he remembered. "Quite some good bruises we had, that day!"

"Mm, well, Ludo has one of those warthog-looking things as the warden." the king said.

"Wait, did this guy have fork things for hands?" Marco interrupted, remembering that time at the dojo, the first time the monsters had invaded Earth.

"Why yes, he did! Do you know him from somewhere?" King River asked.

"Yeah, I kicked his butt a while ago when he tried to interrupt my match with Jeremy." Marco frowned. "That guy is _really_ intense, I thought he was gonna burst a blood vessel at one point when he was flexing."

"That's him alright. He'll have the keys, and I'm afraid there isn't much else way to get me loose. He left a few hours ago, and I'm just not quite sure where he's gone!"

"Probably at the party upstairs," Dave said, sourly.

"Ah, yes, no doubt in celebration of capturing me." The king admitted. "Again. Well, I'm not going anywhere until you find the keys, so get to it, my arms are starting to hurt!"

* * *

As they stood outside the doors to the party a few minutes later, neither Janna nor Marco were too enthusiastic about going inside. Fighting in a brawl was one thing - fighting a room that contained half an army was another.

Peeking through the door, Tosh found their target. "He just went up the back staircase!" He exclaimed. "Man, that guy is huge!"

"Well, we've got no way to get through the party," Marco said, leaning back from the door. "So do we just wait for him to come down?"

"Unless you want to make costumes," Dave contributed sarcastically. The group went quiet and looked at him.

"We _could_ make costumes…" Janna said with a thoughtful smile.

* * *

"OK, on record, there is no way this is going to work." Marco said before donning his mask. Scavenging the castle (and with the help of some of Janna's magic) they'd found enough cardboard and markers to make what might have possibly been the worst halloween costumes imaginable. Marco, for his part, was dressed like a… well, a pig. An upright, two-legged, curly-tailed swine, complete with brown cardboard snout.

"This is a _great_ idea," Janna replied with a grin before donning her own effects. She'd opted for something more subtle - some extra cardboard spikes taped along her arms and head, some marker colorings on her face, and she looked kinda like… Janna, but with spikes on her arms and marker coloring on her face.

"Good attitude, Janna!" Tosh donned his own mask - this one made to look like a slug's head, to poor effect. Behind him, Neva had doused herself in red paint and attached a rope tail, while Dave was simply wearing a fake nose.

"We're gonna get caught…" Marco said, pushing open the doors to the hall.

The music intensified immediately, from a dull pounding to a bright cacophony. Who would've thought that monsters liked to listen to k-pop?

As the five skirted the edges of the hall, no one seemed to notice their disguises. Even the mewnian soldiers in the center of the area scowled at them all the same as the rest of the monsters. Marco wasn't sure whether to be relieved, or annoyed that this was working so well. Especially after his pig nose fell off, and a few monsters simply laughed at him as he quickly put it back on.

"Hey, catch!" They heard a deep, gruff voice call, just in time for Janna to catch a large glass bottle. On the front of it was a handmade label, with _"Mewnian Swamp Water"_ written on the front in hardly-legible handwriting.

"Oh, thanks!" Tosh called back, snatching the bottle from Janna and uncorking it. "You can't find this stuff just anywhere you know."

"Are you serious?!" Marco harshly asked. "I'm pretty sure that's an eyeball floating in there!"

"Well yeah." Tosh replied, taking a sip. "How else do you think it gets that tangy aftertaste?"

"But it… ugh, whatever. Marco said, giving up. As far as he knew, that sort of thing was _normal_ on Mewni. Gross.

"Oh hey, there he goes!" Janna called quietly, pointing to the warthog guy, who was beginning to head up a set of stars in the corner of the room. "Let's go!"

Weaving their way between all the partying monsters in the room, the group made their way after the big fork-handed monster.

Just as they were about to head up, a monster shambled up to them, leaning heavily against the wall. "Jenkins? Jenkins, is that you?"

Looking around wildly, they saw that he was addressing Dave, who looked on in regret and scratched around his fake paper cone nose awkwardly.

"Jeninnnsss," the monster came up and put his arm around his shoulders, which was quite an accomplishment since the goblin-looking thing was about a third of his height. "How you been, bro? Where you been, bro? Enjoying the party, bro?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess…" Dave mumbled, and the goblin stared at him suspiciously.

"Hang on a minute…" he murmurred as he squinted.

"You haven't been drinking enough!" He shouted jovially after a moment. Taking the bottle that he'd been nursing (encrusted with mud and grime), he shoved it up to Dave's mouth, and he took a reluctant swing.

That was the last they saw of him, as the rest of the party quietly crept upstairs.

And up the stairs.

And up the stairs.

And up the stairs.

Soon, all semblance of "creeping" was abandoned - six stories of tightly-wound steps had an effect on even the most well conditioned travelers. Which the party was not.

Reaching the top, before they even looked inside the door they stopped to rest, panting and groaning at the exertion. "Stupid… tower…" Janna managed.

After a few minutes of this, they finally cracked the door. Looking inside, they found an office. A desk was stationed at the far corner of the room, with a pillowed throne behind it. Around the walls were various shelves stacked high with Earth junk - oven-mitt remote controls, hand-dying soap dispensers, blender/CCTV cameras, most of it still in boxes, all of it proudly displaying the logo of the "As Seen On TV Store."

They kept quiet and still as they watched. Ludo was standing on the desk, giving directions to the giant warthog. Something was different, though. Rather than Ludo's usual eccentric, bird-like screeching, a much deeper, calmer voice was coming from his mouth.

"Meat-Hook? Seriously? _That's_ what you call yourself?" The voice asked mockingly.

"Yes sir," the warthog-thing answered gruffly. "On account of these," he clinked the forks on his hands together.

"Whatever." Ludo answered coolly. "Report."

Scrambling, the monster managed to hook a bundle of papers from the back of his pants and spread them out unevenly on the desk, tilting his head to read.

"Magic drain is at… uh, 85%, sir," he said, nearly tilting himself upside down. "The latest batch is being… pro-ce-ss-d." He spelled out the word. "Oh! Processed."

"Good," Ludo smiled his usual insidious grin. But unlike when he did it normally, in combination with the voice, it looked ominous. Meat-Hook shifted uncomfortably.

"Make sure to hook up the king immediately. He may not be as volatile as the queen, so don't be afraid to kick things into overdrive. Also,"

Before the voice could continue, the group fell over. They'd been stacked on top of one another to look through the crack in the door, and Marco, at the bottom, finally collapsed.

They spilled into the office in a pile of bodies, the door crashing open. They were just able to get a glance of Ludo's eyes - glowing and swirling with green energy - before he blinked and seemingly returned to his normal self.

"What the - what are you all doing up here?" He asked cautiously, his voice returning to normal.

Marco realized that they were still in "disguise," and it seemed that they'd even fooled Ludo.

"Uh, uh, uhhhh…." he stammered, trying to think of an excuse.

"We're out of swamp water!" Janna suddenly piped up, to his relief.

"So?" Ludo asked. "Do I have to do everything? I thought Potato-Baby was taking care of that?"

"Yes, but, uh…" Janna stammered.

Marco, meanwhile, was sliding slowly towards Meat-Hook, his eye on the key-ring fastened to a belt loop. Reaching him, he managed to get his arms around them before anyone noticed.

"Agh!" Ludo screeched. "Useless! Meat-Hook!"

"Yes boss?" Marco quickly snapped his hand back as the attention of the room turned towards him.

"Carry me down the stairs. Apparently, _I've_ got to go open the cellar for these nitwits!"

"Yes boss!" Meat-Hook picked up his master and set him on a shoulder, heading to the stairs.

Marco, seeing his opportunity slip away, reached for the keys as he walked past. Perhaps tugging a little too hard, in short order he managed to rip Meat-Hooks jeans right off of his legs, to the two's surprised admonishment.

"What the…?" Ludo stared. Marco quickly tossed the jeans down and looked sheepishly away.

"They… caught on my… zipper?" He tried.

"Wait a minute…" Ludo narrowed his eyes, and then widened them in surprise. "You're that karate-boy!" He looked at Janna. "And you! You're that witch!"

The two rebels, earning no such recognition, quietly backed away. "You two!" He squacked. "Take them into custody!"

Shrugging, Tosh and Neva instead lunged forward, tackling Meat-Hook to the ground. Ludo, now at knee-level, earned a kick into the wall from Marco, behind his desk.

They were almost to the door when Ludo regained his senses. Reaching his desk, he hit a button and an alarm blared. They shut the door, just in time for a magic blast to blow it to bits.

Sprinting down the stairs, Marco could only think about just how _dangerous_ what they were doing was. He wasn't exactly ready to fall down several hundred feet of steps, but with Ludo behind them screaming bloody murder, they made it down in no time at all.

Bursting into the ground story with the party, they found that the alarm could barely register over some truly atrocious singing and lutework. Up on a raised platform in the center of the room, Dave was wailing into a microphone as he strummed an instrument.

" _And All The Roads We Have To Walk Are Windiiiiiing!"_

 _"And All The Lights That Guide Us There Are Blindiiiiing!"_

Ludo burst down a moment later, with a shower of explosive magic that stopped the "music," allowing the alarm to be heard. The entire room turned towards the party.

"GET THEM!" Ludo screeched.

The four ran towards the exit, with Dave close behind as he clubbed a monster on the head with his lute and jumped down from the stage.

"Get the king!" Neva said as they got to the door. Tosh and Dave lined up next to her, all of them with fists clenched and teeth bared. In front of them, the monsters had formed a semicircle. "We vill hold them off."

Marco and Janna went for the door, before a blast of Ludo's magic knocked them apart. He was flying above on a small bat-thing, wand in hand and glowing with malevolent energy.

"ATTACK!" He screeched.

The monsters jumped forward. Janna shouted a spell and flew into the air. Marco kept running towards the exit.

* * *

Down another few flights of stairs, and Marco was at King River's cell in only a few moments. It took him another minute to find the correct key to his cell, amid a flurry of quick questions-and-answers.

"Where's the others?" River demanded.

"Fight upstairs."

"Are they winning?"

"I donno, I came to get you!" Marco said as the gate finally clicked open. He rushed to River's shackles and unbolted them, and the king dropped to the ground with a huff.

"Come with me!" He said, pulling Marco's arm along. "I won't leave her again!"

They ran further into the dungeons along more lines of cells, most of them empty, until they reached a heavy iron door. River slammed his weight into it, and it flew open, revealing an enormous cell, with the most bizarre creature Marco had yet seen strung up in the back of it.

An enormous, six-armed humanoid moth was strung up in shackles at the far end of the room, each arm with its own chains. The chains themselves were glowing with magic, and behind the arms, Marco saw a pair of wings, folded and crumpled against the wall.

As soon as the door burst open, it looked up, its eyes wide with bright energy, and Marco jumped back with a startled "woah!"

River paid him no mind, snatching the keys from his hand and quickly opening the cell door, before running up to the shackles at the end of the hall.

"River…" The moth whispered as he let its arms down. It collapsed as soon as he finished, and as the magic around it faded, it returned to a womanly form. Cool, powder-blue hair laid ragged around her shoulders, and what had once been an elegant dress was torn and shredded.

"You saved me…" she murmurred.

"I won't leave you again, Moon." River muttered back, hugging her. Marco, transfixed by this, finally came to his senses.

"Uh, guys, gotta go!" He pointed towards the exit-end of the dungeon, and the couple looked up.

"Right!" River said. "Marco, help me with her."

Before long, Marco had the Queen of Mewni draped around his shoulders while River walked in front. They passed cells of soldiers, with those capable of saluting doing so. River made to stop and help, before Marco reminded him that they had no time.

Before long they were up the stairs and heading towards the entrance, when the doors to the grand hall burst open beside them.

"Ah, why won't you die!" Ludo screeched as he flew through. Janna swerved in the air as his magic blasts narrowly avoided her, and flung levitated bricks and bottles at him in response.

On the ground, the rebels were holding their own against a seemingly endless onslaught of monsters. Tosh had taken to jumping from head to head. Dave was clubbing them with his lute, and Neva had two in headlocks while she kicked a third away.

"Got the king!" Marco shouted at Janna, who looked down. With a shout she launched a rock at Ludo, knocking him off of his flying bat, and descended to the ground. She took Moon's other shoulder, and they headed towards the exit.

"Who's she?" She shouted over the chaos. Marco just shot her an equally-confused glance as they stepped towards the exit.

"DESTRUCTO-BLASTYOURFACEOFF!" Ludo screeched from behind them. The blast of magic hit above their heads, with Marco, River, Moon and Janna jumping to the side as the exit collapsed in front of them in a pile of rubble. Behind them, the monsters were closing in, despite the Rebels' best efforts.

"Levitato!" Janna shouted, and began to lift Moon up, over the rubble. River followed, while Marco struck up a karate stance to defend her.

Taking a glance, Tosh bounced himself off a monster's head and towards the party. "Go!" He shouted over the violence. Behind him, Neva slammed two rat heads together and tossed them aside unconscious. Dave broke his lute over the head of a two-headed demon and tossed the remains aside. "We'll hold them off!"

Marco looked at the stout man, and then up the rubble. Janna was straining, but Moon was nearly over the pile. He nodded, and caught Janna as she finally collapsed, all the magic usage taking a toll on her.

Helping her up the pile of broken bricks, he followed. "We'll come back for you!" He shouted.

"Hah, don't bother!" Tosh shouted. Dave was overrun with a shout and held to the ground, and Neva was charging towards Ludo, who readied his wand. "We'll be fine!"

They made it to the top of the rocks and looked down, sparing a glance as Ludo blasted Neva with a spell, and Tosh became surrounded on all sides. Looking away, they descended.

They were nearly to the gates before another blast of green magic arked over their heads, disappearing into the cloudy sky. Behind them, the monsters were slowly making their way over the rubble.

Moon and River were already outside, and Janna took the lead as they ran to the clearing. She snipped the scissors through the air and they sparked, before she finally managed to cut a portal to Earth. Each of them disappeared through it, landing in a pile in front of Joleen in Janna's living room, and it snapped shut behind them.

* * *

A few minutes later, the four were sitting around Janna's beautiful dining room table, Moon sitting in front of an untouched bowl of soup while River tended to her scrapes and bruises with bandages.

"Thank you, for rescuing me." She said, looking between the two teenagers. She'd regained her composure and put her hair back, although she was obviously still exhausted. "But I'm afraid you've only delayed the inevitable."

"Moon, dear," River said from her side.

"They were draining our soldiers of magic!" Moon said, worry evident in her voice. "With that much raw power, I shudder to think of their plans."

"Toffee," River said darkly as he stood up.

Moon nodded. "That mixup between him and Star is what started all of this. And I can only hope that she's still alive… have you heard anything?" She looked hopefully at her husband, and he shook his head.

"She still has her wand," River said reassuringly, "so I'm sure she'll be fine."

"But that one Ludo was using…" Moon wondered, and River patted her hand.

With forced cheerfulness, he smiled. "Chin up, my dear! We're safe, and there's still hope! These two youngsters here have proven quite resourceful! I'm sure everything will turn out fine."

Moon's expression cleared. "Thank you, again," she said to Marco and Janna. "None of this would have been possible without you. But I'm afraid we'll need your help again, soon."

"Tomorrow," River pressed. "There's no cause to think about that now! Let's return to my quarters. We'll rest, and enjoy Earth's comforts. For now, we've won!"

He looked at Marco and Janna as he cut open a new portal. "I will talk to you soon," he promised before he disappeared.

* * *

On Mewni, Ludo supervised as the monsters in front of him began cleaning up and repairing the castle's front door. He nodded off, and his eyes snapped open, glowing once again with magical energy.

"Meat-Hook!" The deeper voice called, and his lieutenant ran over and saluted with a fist across his chest.

"Queen Moon escaped?" Toffee asked.

"Yes, sir." Meat-Hook replied. "We tried to go after her, but after our last raid, the commission won't let us through to Earth."

Ludo's beak curled in displeasure. "Meddlers. We'll deal with them in time. Moon will use this time to recover. Was that girl with them?"

"Yes, sir."

Toffee contemplated this. "As soon as you can, send a scout to Earth to monitor her. I believe she may be the key to all of this. In the meantime, finish cleaning up, and summon a rally. It's time we commenced our next stage of operations."

"Sir!"

As Toffee turned away and headed back towards his office, a thin smile graced his lips. This was only the beginning.

* * *

 **Boom. One season down. Thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone who reads and supports this series. I started writing this because it was fun, but over time, it's evolved into something that I don't just enjoy writing for myself, but enjoy writing because I love reading responses, and it always warms me up inside whenever I get an email telling me someone's favorited my story. (SKL says thanks too).**

 **So, with one season down, what's next?**

 **Well, first, I want to once again promote the tumblr that we're setting up for this story, which can be found at therussohousehold(dottumblr)dotcom. We don't intend on getting s2's first chapter out until who knows when, so in the interim, you can see what's going on, there. While we prepare for S2, we'll be posting episode synopses, updated versions of past chapters, answering questions and comments (if we get any :) ) and generally filling out the blog. Which brings me to my next point...**

 **CHAPTER UPDATES. There are a lot of things that I like about what we've written. Virtually everything, really. But I'd also like to go back through and bring in some common threads. Habits, mannerisms, points of talking, etc. that span from chapter to chapter. Remember that favor book that Janna had in Episode 1? That was going to be a thing through the entire series, and kinda just got forgotten. Y'know how Janna flirts with Marco in the show? We were gonna keep that too. Stuff like that, plus other things (like Marco's on-off attraction to Jackie).**

 **I'm also going to remove the head notes and foot notes, since I find them kinda unprofessional, and they've served their purpose.**

 **For some chapters, these will just be minor tweaks and changes - for others, I'll be adding and removing small sections. I honestly can't say how much work we'll be doing, but the chapters will be updated unceremoniously and without fanfare. I recommend coming back when we start S2 and rereading what you want, since that'll be the sign that we're done. We'll also post on Tumblr when we've got a chapter redone, so that's a thing.**

 **As for what's coming on S2, we've got a lot of awesome ideas! I can't wait to start writing Heckapoo, and Toffee is one of my favorite villains in recent memory, so you can expect to see a lot of him, as well. Rest assured, I'm not going to randomly kill him if I can help it. Tom's going to (hopefully) get more screentime, we'll start to learn why Janna is able to use magic, and just how the book came to her in the first place. Oh, and Star is probably going to show up at some point, too.**

 **There will probably(?) be a Christmas Dinner intermission ("The Holiday Special Except The Mistletoe Is On Fire"), possibly involving a demonic santa claus if we can't think of a better plot (we probably will), so that'll be out at some point, plus whatever else we feel like writing.**

 **Until then, thanks again for everyone who's read! S2 will be posted to this story, so don't worry about having to track a new one. Hasta La Vista!**


	19. Intermission: Christmas Caroline

**Merry Christmas everyone. Keep your friends close this holiday season, and do me a favor - tell someone you love thanks for being there, the next time you get the chance. I hope your family is as loving and supportive as Janna's is. Mine isn't.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

The sun dawned, same as it ever did, over a slightly-frosted Echo Creek on Christmas day. Reaching out, the warm rays covered the suburb and quickly saturated a certain run-down house, before reaching into the room that they rarely dared to tread. Creeping up onto her sleeping form, they finally poked their way into Janna's eyelids, and with her first conscious thought, she eyed the window blinds that she'd forgotten to close. Rather than entertain the sun's antics, though, she pulled the covers over her head and went back to sleep.

A few hours later, the sun had no pretense of being ignored any longer. So, running a hand over her face and with a sagging, disgruntled expression, Janna begrudgingly allowed her eyes to open, to stare at the roof above her.

The rest of her family was already up, and she could hear them beyond the door. Joleen had the TV blasting a cartoon in the living room, while her mother was clanging away in the kitchen, already preparing dinner.

"Hey mom, when are the Diazes gonna get here?" Joleen shouted.

Janna moaned in resignation as she slid a hand over her face again. Just another set of people to disappoint.

Turning to her side, she stared at the pile of partially-used gift wrappings against the wall next to her bed, trying to find any course of action in which she could stay in bed for the rest of the day. Flicking away a tube of paper, she laid flat again. "I hate the holidays."

Glossaryck rose from her phone next to her mattress, wearing a santa-cap and holding a christmas cookie. "Troubles, princess?" He asked, nonchalantly taking a bite.

Janna cast him a sideways glance. "Don't call me that." She said gruffly. "Glossaryck, what do Mewmans do for Christmas?"

"Christmas?" Glossaryck asked, finishing his cookie. "Must be an Earth thing. We spend our winters honoring the Stump!"

"The stump?" Janna asked, uninterested.

"Yep!" Glossaryck said. Checking a watch that he was wearing around his ankle, he was momentarily surprised. "Speaking of which, I overslept. Gotta-go!"

Diving back into the phone, Janna was left alone, dreading the day to come.

Stepping into the living room a few minutes later, she found the same festive scene that she'd woken up to for over a week. Joey was flittering around on the ceiling, and Joleen casually stared up at him as the hanging garland and other ornaments around him smoked and melted. The TV was still blaring with a Christmas special, and in the corner, the Russo's Christmas tree glimmered in the light.

"Janna, are you up?" Janna's mom called from the kitchen, and Janna grimaced. Not even Joleen had noticed her enter, _how did her mom always seem to know?_

Not waiting for a response, she continued: "Janna, hon, you forgot to put your presents under the tree! Make sure to put them out so we can get a picture!"

At this point, Joleen looked over the back of the couch and smirked. "Yeah Janna." She said. "Sure hope that you _remember._ "

Quickly deciding that it would be better to be _literally anywhere_ besides where she was standing right now, Janna grabbed her hoodie and made for the exit. So _maybe_ she'd procrastinated and forgot to get gifts for her family. _Maybe_ she'd put it off for a little too long. And _maybe_ most businesses were closed on Christmas day, so she was completely screwed. Nah.

Exiting the house and heading down the street, Janna set her sights on downtown. At least she still had the money that her mom had given her. There had to be _something._

Right?

* * *

Wrong. Walking hurriedly through downtown, Janna quickly found that every. Single. Business was closed for the holidays. No gifts, no cards, not even a street vendor. Just a bunch of people walking around with their families and friends, acting all happy. Janna glared at the nearest couple, who hurried past.

"AGH!" She shouted in frustration, before muttering, "why is everything closed on Christmas. It's like people want to be at home or something. Jerks…"

Instinctively reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her phone to check the book. "Well, I've tried the conventional solutions…" she said to herself. A few different possibilities crossed her mind.

Maybe she could find a way to make her family forget about Christmas entirely?

Or find a way to stop time so she'd never have to deal with the fallout?

Instead, she opened the book to find a note from Glossaryck on the inside of her screen: "check page 41."

Swiping it out of the way, she did just that. Opening the page, she was shown a beautiful illustration of a portly, jolly-looking woman, captioned "the Holiday Spirit."

Shrugging, Janna read the directions for summoning. One holiday was as good as any other, right? She had most of the stuff she'd need at home, and as for the rest… well, it wasn't the first time she'd improvised a summoning, and it probably wouldn't be the last.

Falling into a run, she was back at her house in minutes, and fortunately, it wasn't even noon yet. Unfortunately, as she found out when coming to a dead stop a few feet from her doorstep, the Diazes had arrived early.

"Janna, _mija!_ Good to see you! Merry Christmas!" Rafael greeted her with a wide grin, while his wife and son similarly smiled. Mr. Diaz was holding a fruitcake, while the others were holding armfuls of presents and side dishes. Marco quickly extricated himself from his burdens and made to give Janna a hug, which she awkwardly reciprocated for a moment before snaking free.

"Uh, yeah!" Janna tried her best to fake a smile as she slid around them to open the door. "I've got some stuff to take care of today, so, uh… make yourselves at home!"

She was gone before they could respond, diving into the hall closet as her mom greeted the newcomers. With a handful of supplies, Janna headed into the back yard.

"Alright, let's see…" She muttered. Looking down at her supplies, she had more-or-less what she needed.

 _Wax candles, scented with spice_ , well, she'd used all of those the last time she'd summoned something. The spring-scented ones would have to do.

 _A living sprig of mistletoe…_ she'd actually been glad to take _that_ time-bomb down from a doorway.

 _And three Poinsetta flowers, arranged in such a way…_ well, the fake plastic ones from the dining room table would work.

Spreading the supplies out in the correct formation, Janna checked to make sure that she was out of sight of the back door before beginning her chant.

 _Holistis Fortuin, Birothim Eventus, Spiritun Restorus…_ She murmurred, not wanting to attract attention. Her whispers echoed throughout the yard, a candy-scented breeze picked up, and the midday light dimmed for just a moment before… absolutely nothing happened.

"Huh." Janna went for her phone to check the directions. "I thought I got everything right…"

The symbols in front of her were unmoved, in the correct formation, and sounding out the incantation more slowly, she'd definitely gotten the pronunciation… "Darn it Glossaryck, why aren't you here?" She asked her phone in frustration, before returning it to her pocket.

Standing up and dusting off her knees, she jumped a few inches when an irritated voice cleared its throat behind her.

"Oh, uh, I can explain," Janna began, head spinning quickly as she tried to formulate a reason for her botched spell. Turning and expecting to find her mom or maybe Marco, instead she was greeted by… well, it was definitely a spirit.

Partially transparent, the woman in front of her was skinny and wearing a business suit. Her face vaguely resembled the book's illustration, but without the extra weight, or the santa cap. Indeed, the only thing even remotely seasonal about the woman was a pair of santa-hat earrings and a christmas-themed tie. Her hair was tied up in a bun on the back of her head, and her expression just _screamed_ 'let me speak to your manager.'

"Uh, are you… the Holiday Spirit?" Janna asked hesitantly.

"Uh, _duh,_ " the woman said, rolling her eyes. "Who were you _expecting?_ Oh, and read the _directions_ next time, that's the most inefficient portal I've ever taken."

Janna looked her up and down, while the spirit did the same to her. "You don't… look like the Holiday Spirit." Janna said.

"Well that's funny, because you don't _look_ like the Fashion Police." The spirit snapped back. "And I'm a reflection of _your_ holiday spirit. So it's your own darn fault."

Janna raised an eyebrow. "Whatever. What do I call you?"

"I'm Carol. You can call me Caroline." The spirit said, pulling out a ghostly cellular device. "Ah, of course, no reception! So this is going to be a _complete_ waste of time."

Shrugging, Janna decided to make due. "Alright, well, I sorta forgot to get my family gifts for Christmas. Was hoping you could help with that."

"Oh, gee," Caroline put a finger to her lips in mock-thought. "Have you considered… ugh, _buying_ them?"

"Uh, yeah!" Janna said, pulling out her wad of cash. "I forgot, okay? Not like a lot of stuff is open today."

Carol rolled her eyes again. "Alright, come on, let's go downtown."

"What, you can't just, like, summon presents for me?" Janna asked.

"Uh no, I can't just _SuMmOn PrEsEnTs_ for you." The spirit mocked, disgusted. "We're going to go… ugh. _Buy_ them."

* * *

Heading back downtown, the streets were emptier than before, and the businesses still closed. Janna led the way, increasingly frustrated, as Caroline floated behind her.

"Y'know, the holidays used to _mean_ something." Carol complained. "When people used to summon me, I was a _pretty_ spirit. But now look at me." She gestured to herself, not that Janna noticed. "Just some corporate wench."

"Uh, yeah, whatever." Janna said. Ahead she thought she saw a flicker of movement… but no, it was just a trick of the light in the front of a pet store. Even the cages were empty, each one with a little sign: _out for Christmas._

"Why don't you just _spend time_ with your family?" Caroline demanded. "Would that _really_ be so hard? They're having Christmas without you, you know."

"Uh, have you ever _met_ my family?" Janna asked. "There's no way I'd live it down." A picture of her sister's smirking face flashed across her conscience and she quickly pushed it away. Even _she'd_ bought gifts.

"People today," Caroline continued, "think that the holidays are all about gifts. _Buy me this, buy me that!"_ She mocked.

"Y'know, you're pretty unpleasant." Janna deadpanned.

"Well I'm _your_ holiday spirit," Carol shot back, "so back at you, buddy."

Janna rounded on her, frustrated at the incessant nagging. "OK, y'know, I summoned you because I thought you'd help, not to be harassed. Can't you just be Santa Claus for a few hours?"

Carol's face darkened, and her form became cloudy. "Don't mention him," she warned. "I might be mean now, but I'm _nothing_ like -"

Janna, sensing a weak spot, pressed it. " _Ho ho ho and a bag of garbage,"_ she mocked, glad to have finally found a way to hit back. "I'm Caroline the Christmas Spirit and _everything_ ticks me off! Even Ol' Kris Kringle, why if I'd met him, I'd eat his reindeer! I'd - "

Whatever she was going to say next was cut off with a boom of thunder, and Caroline grew tall and dark in front of her. Her voice echoed through downtown as dark clouds gathered and swirled above her. "DON'T EVER MOCK ME!" She roared.

The hairs on the back of Janna's neck stood up. "Levitato!" She shouted, and with a tug of her gut, she shot into the air like a rocket - not a moment later, a bolt of lightning struck where she'd been standing. More arked through the air behind her, and she felt a buzzing in her ears as she pressed herself to go faster. "This is more like it…" she muttered.

"Incendio directium!" She called out. A fireball shot from her hands back towards the spirit, where it passed through harmlessly and fizzled out.

"Woah!" Pushing herself to the side, tendrils of energy shot past her in retaliation, and off into the distance.

"Lightning tide hurricane!" As she circled back around, her own bolt of lightning arced down, once again passing harmlessly through the spirit.

"Oh come on!" She shouted.

Speeding off, the spirit was right behind her, the bank of stormclouds forming and dissipating overhead as they flew. Reaching for her phone, Janna flicked urgently through to the spirit's page, hoping to find the counterspell - but there wasn't one. Instead, it went on at length about how friendly and lovable the spirit was, and how it couldn't exist after New Year's Day.

"Well that's no help…" Janna muttered. Caroline howled behind her, and as Janna turned to look, a finger tapped on her opposite shoulder.

"WUUH!" Spinning around, Janna plummeted down into the central city park, falling into a tree and seeming to bounce off of every branch. As soon as she hit the ground she scrambled for cover, finding it in the entrance of a public bathroom that was still thankfully unlocked.

Outside, she heard the spirit rumbling around. "I'll fiiind youuuu," Caroline called.

"Wow." Glossaryck's voice next to her ear made Janna jump back again, taking a feeble swat with her phone which he easily avoided.

"I've gotta hand it to you Janna, I don't think I've _ever_ seen someone corrupt Caroline that badly." Glossaryck said casually. Over his usual robes, he was wearing a Christmas sweater that was decorated with pictures of stumps and unicorns. "Anyways, my celebration went good, I came to check on yours - so how are th _iii_ ngs?" He asked.

Outside, Caroline still still pounding around. "Got you!" She shouted, and there was a crack of lightning off in the distance. "Wait, no, just a bird…"

"What's the counterspell?" Janna asked him desperately.

"Uh, well, there isn't one - ah -, you're literally the only person to have ever made her like this." Glossaryck shrugged. "Did you try, Idonno, learning your lesson? Whatever that is?"

Janna rolled her eyes. "So Joleen can hold this over my head for the next two months? Pass. Got anything else?"

Glossaryck sighed and rubbed his temple. "Yeah alright, look, just take her back to her portal and I'll see what I can do, ok?"

Running out of the bathroom, Janna took flight again and hurried home, Caroline once again in tow.

* * *

Dropping down into her backyard, Janna watched as the bank of stormclouds grew closer. Inside the back door, she could see the Diazes sitting with her sister at the dining room table, as her mother brought out Christmas dinner.

"OK, I'm here." Janna pulled out her phone again and shook Glossaryck into the air, where he picked at his ear with his foot. "There's the portal, now what?"

"Mm?" Glossaryck asked. "Oh, I have no idea - I just figured I'd think of something. Byeeee!" He dove back into her phone.

Janna rolled her eyes. "Great."

The stormclouds got closer and Caroline manifested in front of her, still 10 feet tall but no longer colossal. "Your version of the holiday spirit disgusts me!" She called out. "And your slights will not be ignored. Prepare to be -"

"Janna!"

Opening the back door, Marco stepped outside, seemingly completely unphased by the giant, angry spirit woman standing directly in front of him. "Come inside!" He said. "Dinner's ready, and we missed you all morning!"

"Uh, Marco," Janna said, gesturing to Caroline. "Kinda in the middle of something."

"In the middle of what?" Marco asked, looking straight at where she was pointing without a reaction. "There's nothing else out here." Then he saw the circle of effects on the ground, the candles having burned themselves to stubs, and he shook his head. "Summoning things again?" He asked. "What was it this time?"

Looking back at the spirit herself, Janna saw that she wasn't as twisted with rage - now her form was a bit lighter, and the clouds above them were thinning a bit. Rolling her eyes, she gestured for Janna to head inside.

"Nothing," Janna dodged. "It didn't work." Dragging her feet, she followed Marco to food. Somehow, being eradicated by the angry spirit seemed like the more appealing option.

Sitting down awkwardly at dinner, the happy conversation seemed like a different world. The Diazes took to Janna's mom immediately, and even Joleen was at the table, a bemused expression on her face as Joey poked and prodded at Marco while he tried to slap him away.

Caroline was lingering over Joleen's shoulder, obviously still angry, but silent, for now.

* * *

After nearly 20 minutes of good food and conversation, Marco prodded Janna in the shoulder, startling her out of her reverie. "You okay?" He asked gently. "You haven't said anything since you came in."

"Uh, well, I, uh," Janna stuttered, trying to think of a way to explain.

"You forgot to get presents, didn't you?" Marco asked.

Janna's face went red and she stared at him. "How did you - ?"

Marco smiled. "Janna, that's literally the most _you_ thing that I've ever heard. But you invited us over for dinner! That's good enough for me."

As if on cue, Rafael, Angie and Janna's mother all erupted into laughter at a joke, perhaps having indulged in just a _little_ too much eggnog.

Leaning away, Marco went back to his food, and Janna relaxed, just a bit. Maybe this wouldn't be _that_ bad.

* * *

After dinner, the families gathered around the Christmas tree. Janna and Marco sat on the floor nearby, Janna tense as a board, while Joleen played santa for the adults on the couch. Glossaryck and Joey were playing fetch with a candy cane near the ceiling, and Caroline was still hovering around Janna, a very grumpy expression on her face. Though she looked a little less angry with every passing minute.

Janna felt around in her pocket for her lump of cash, perhaps a bit resigned to her fate. As presents were exchanged, she withdrew a few bills and squeezed them into Marco's surprised hand with an awkward hug. "Thanks," she muttered, before intercepting Joleen and doing the same. Carol looked on in approval.

Then it was time for her mom - and the Diazes. They were still on the couch, chatting amicably about life. She stood in front of them and cleared her throat.

"Uh, mom, Mr. and Mrs. Diaz," she said uncomfortably. "I've got a bit of a confession. I… forgot to buy presents this year."

This was met with silence, before all three of the adults burst into laughter.

Rafael shook his head, wiping a tear from his eye. "Janna, we're all old. We don't care about gifts. You invited us to dinner, and that was the best way we could've spent Christmas."

"When you're as old as us, you can pretty much buy anything you want anyway!" Angie added.

Janna turned to her mom, who was smiling goofily. "That's the most _you_ thing I've ever heard," she said.

Janna's face burned. "That's the second time I've heard that this evening…" she muttered, and her mom patted the spot on the couch next to her. The Diazes were immediately distracted by Joleen, who brought them a pair of boxes.

Janna reluctantly sat down, and her mom gave her a side-hug.

"Don't feel bad," her mom whispered. "Remember how many Christmases I gave you girls cash?"

Janna remembered. For quite a few years growing up, both she and Joleen had gotten cash and cards. It'd never bothered them.

"I forget to get you two things _all the time._ " Her mother said secretively, and tapped Janna on the nose. "Christmas is about being together! And we're all here now. So let's just enjoy it."

Nodding, Janna smiled for the first time that day. She sat with her mother for a moment, and Caroline floated in front of her. She was back to normal, now - not just her normal size and color, but quite a bit closer to that pretty illustration that Janna had seen in her book.

"Told you," Carol whispered, before she faded away.

Janna got up off the couch and sat back down next to Marco, who gave her a quick hug and a smile. "Good Christmas?" He asked her.

Janna nodded.

"Good Christmas."

* * *

 **S2 starts January! SKL and I are getting more excited about it with every passing day. Also we're trying to update the Tumblr regularly. Comments will be answered as they come in, there.**

 **Happy holidays, everyone.**


	20. S2 Chapter 1: Hotel Royale

**Happy 2018, everyone. Technically this chapter was finished in January! In the S2 premiere of Janna Vs The Forces Of Evil, the gang explores a chain hotel.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 _Mewni_

Mewni's de-facto capital, known only as the "Monster Castle," stood proudly on the stone plains surrounding it, its gothic spires jutting up into the sky above, but it no longer stood alone.

Its refurbishments and improvements were stark, modern constructions borrowed from Earth, using plaster and glass in place of its ancient stone and lumber work. Outside its front gates and newly-improved guard walls, a small village had formed as well - houses and work-camps had been built as hovels, then improved and rebuilt as permanent structures, forming the foundations for a monster-ruled dimension.

Inside the castle and staring at himself in the mirror, Buff Frog stood up straight and admired a pudgy strongman's figure where his empty gut had once been. Poking and prodding while he held up his shirt, it was hard to believe that he'd lost so much weight so quickly. Only a few months ago, his widest point had been his stomach. Now, it was his shoulders.

Next to him, Meat-Hook had his nose stuck in a locker. "I can't believe this," he muttered grumpily before looking up at Buff Frog. "Not a single spare pair of pants!"

Buff Frog looked down at his own legs, which were bare of any coverings, and shrugged.

"Bzz-eyy Buff Frog," a fly the size of a man zoomed into the locker room behind him, and Buff Frog put down his shirt. "Zzz - no shame in it man," Boo-Fly pointed out, "if I had those muscles I'd be admiring it too - zzz."

"It is buff babies." Buff Frog replied. "Since having children, is harder to keep body strong. Only castle preparations finally gave time to work on figure."

"Puh, kids." Meat-Hook punched open the locker next to his and took out a pair of someone else's pants, sliding them on before buckling his silver-forked extensions back in place over his hands.

"Zzz-whatever man, we got work to do," Boo Fly retrieved a notebook from his own locker before buzzing back out of the room.

Heading out into the castle, Buff Frog rejoined the flow of traffic in the corridors as Meat-Hook went his own way. Monsters of all shapes and sizes were hurrying about, carrying everything from piles of swords, to lumber, to sacks of food. He quickly began giving direction as he reached the main antichamber, ever-increasing numbers of patrols and workers streaming in and out of the newly-repaired front entrance before him.

The gates themselves were sleek and modern, rolling into place from the sides with steel reinforcements - a far cry from the old wooden doors of before.

Pulling a clipboard down off a nearby wall, Buff Frog took a glance and stopped a furry humanoid carrying burlap sacks marked as corn dust. "Redirect to southern routes," Buff Frog ordered, and the monster nodded before scurrying off in a different direction.

A wagon piled high with armor came through the door as the crowd parted around it, driven by a shackled warnicorn and guided by two-headed demon.

Buff Frog opened his mouth to give direction when the fly buzzed up behind him, again.

"Zzz-Buff Frog, Ludo wants to see you in the main chamber."

As the fly-man floated out of the room, Buff Frog grabbed his arm. "Boo-Fly, wait." He said, and narrowed his eyes. " _Which_ Ludo?"

On the other side of the halls, the doors to the main chamber were opened a crack, revealing the answer - Ludo's tiny body was floating a few inches off the floor, his glowing eyes surveying the throng of monsters in front of him.

"Toffee," Buff Frog muttered, then shivered as Boo-Fly buzzed off. Ludo's possessive master was ruthless and efficient, and Buff Frog had never much cared for him.

Taking a breastplate from the wagon for approval and pushing his way through the crowd, Buff Frog headed into the main hall, which had piles of various materials strewn at its edges. Ludo's possessed body had turned away, now examining an enormous floor map of Mewni, a few various figurines moving themselves around it as he murmured to himself.

Buff Frog set the breastplate aside and struck up a salute, both arms over his chest, before making his presence known. "Master, yu wanted to see me."

Turning around, Ludo's blank, glowing eyes bored holes into Buff Frog's mind. "Ah, yes." Toffee's deeper voice came from Ludo's mouth, and he sneered. " _Buff Frog._ We have a lot to talk about."

Raising his lizard-arm, the former fragment of Ludo's wand glowed green from its place in his palm, and the enormous door to the main hall silently slid shut behind them.

* * *

The cold winds of January were blowing strong through downtown Echo Creek, a constant reminder of winter's unending presence. Janna and Marco, walking the deserted sidewalks as they headed to meet with King and Queen Butterfly, shivered as they each put up their hoods to warm their ears. While Marco was wearing one of his own hoodies, Janna had stopped borrowing. Instead, she was wearing the olive-green version he'd given her for Christmas.

"It's cold," Marco said, teeth chattering. His hands were shoved deep into his front pockets. "Why are we out here in the cold, again? Don't you have a spell to make it warmer?"

"Glossaryck told me not to mess with the temperature without a wand," Janna said, scrolling through her e-spellbook. Her tone was unbothered, but she was shivering as well.

"Okay, well, where do you get a wand?" Marco asked irritably.

Janna shrugged. "Iunno. We're almost there, anyways."

Marco grumbled and trudged onwards.

"Didn't you complain all last week about not having anything to do, anyways?" Janna looked up. It was true. The two weeks after Christmas had been excruciatingly slow, apart from a rather uneventful New Years' party. "At this point I think you're just trying to find things to complain about."

"Uh-uh! There's a difference between being bored, and wanting to go fight an army, go on a regal rescue mission, get chased by some giant beast, or walking two miles in these temperatures..." Marco protested weakly, knowing this conversation was getting him nowhere. "Can't we just, like, go see a movie or something?"

"Are you asking me out?" Janna teased, huddling in uncomfortably close. "Cause if that's what you want, then-"

"N-no Janna, I'm serious!" Marco exclaimed, pushing her away. "We can do things that _don't_ involve almost dying!"

"Oh. Then no, we're probably heading to Mewni." Janna said flatly.

"You know, I should just stay here." He attempted. "I don't have to always go wherever you say, you know."

"Yet you do it anyway." She replied. "How thoughtful of you."

The two stopped outside the sliding front doors of Echo Creek's finest three-star hotel. The sign above the door advertised it as "Comfy Suites," and inside, a bored receptionist was manning the counter, staring blankly out into a comfortable, if generic-looking lobby.

Hurrying inside, the two were glad to be out of the winter winds, pulling their hoods back down. As the door dinged to announce their arrival, the receptionist looked over dully.

"Welcome to Comfy Suites," he said in a monotone before looking the two over. "Sorry, we don't do hourly rates."

Rolling his eyes, Marco corrected him. "No! We're here to see someone. The Butterfly royal family, as a matter of fact." He smugly smirked.

The receptionist perked up. "Are you here to take them home?" he asked in a hopeful tone, picking up the phone.

"Uh, no…?" Marco said hesitantly.

"Oh." The receptionist's face dropped, and he started dialing a number. "I'll ring them up now." After a moment, he held the phone a bit further from his face in preparation for what he knew was coming. Sure enough, they suddenly heard the king nearly yelling on the other end.

"GRAGADARADA?" His garbled voice echoed out into the lobby.

"Hi, Mr. Butterfly…"

"RAGADA!"

"No, this is a phone, remember?"

"GRAGARADA!"

"Well, Mr-"

"RAGA!"

"Sorry, _King_ Butterfly, there are two teenagers here to see you..."

"GRADARAGA?"

"Sir, I think you're holding the phone upside down…"

From two stories up, they could hear River bellow into his half of the line. "NONSENSE!" They heard faintly. "IT MUST BE A PROBLEM WITH THE DEVICE!"

"Sir, there's no need to shout…" the receptionist replied flatly. "Please come to the lobby…" With a click, he hung up.

"He'll be right down, he told Marco as he looked over, before resuming his blank, empty stare out into the lobby in front of them.

"Tally HO!" River cried, and landed on the street in front of the front doors before running inside. He was dressed in earthly fashion, a brown jacket draped over a t-shirt and jeans, though he had an odd variety of other items as well. Aside from a foam baseball bat, he was carrying an assortment of coat hangers, buckets, towels, and a spool of rope, all wrapped around his arms.

"Oh hi, King River," Janna started.

"Janna, Marco, this place is amazing!" King River exclaimed. "Why, I've never before stayed at such a wonderful palace!"

Before anything else could be said, he'd grabbed Janna by the arm and pulled her closer. "Be careful," he 'whispered' at the same volume as he'd been talking. "They have eyes everywhere..."

"Look at this!" The king then exclaimed, shoving her back towards Marco and directing their attention to an ice-machine. It looked as though it required quarters to operate, but as the king punched the button, it rattled and shook before a flurry of ice cubes fell from the dispenser, straight down into the drain. The various dents on the machine indicated that it probably hadn't been the first time he'd inadvertently attacked it.

"What a wondrous machine!" River said, excited. "I believe I'll be commissioning a few of these for the royal palace! And let me tell you about the breakfast feasts, here! Enough food to feed an army, every morning! Incredible!"

Janna just nodded, bemused, while Marco sighed and pinched his brow behind them.

"King River, you said you had something you needed us to do?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Ah, yes! why don't you come up to my room." The king said, before casting an eye about and glancing at the receptionist. "We can talk more there. Privately."

He led them two floors upstairs, and stopped at a door with a couple fist-shaped dents in it. To their surprise, the door's hinges were still intact, and it hadn't been knocked down at any point. It seemed the small king had actually learned to use his card reader lock, chuckling in delight as the door beeped and clicked open. "Top of the line security!" River said, ushering the two inside. Before he could shut the door, they were cut off by a yell from the hallway.

"Hey, he's back!" Called a loud voice. Looking outside the room, they saw a large security guard, pulling out walkie-talkie. "Our guest at room 324 is back, I'm gonna need some backup this time!"

"Oh blast it, they've found me!" River yelled, before slamming the door shut.

"Wait, what?!" Marco yelled, jumping into a panicked karate stance. "Who found you, is it Ludo?"

"No my boy, it's the palace guards!" River cried, as if he had been been avoiding them the entire time he'd been here. "Quickly, to the armory!"

"What?" Janna asked, expecting the king to give them some kind of direction.

The guard pounded on the door behind them. "Open up!" They heard his muffled shout. "Darn it, where'd I put that keycard…"

"The armory, lass!" River shouted.

"Uh, where is the armory?" asked a panicked Marco, having no idea what the king had done to have the hotel's security be looking for him.

"Where do you think, it's in my chamber!" River exclaimed, pulling them toward the bedroom. The three could hear more pounding on the door as security's "backup" arrived - no doubt that _somebody_ around here had the key to their room. Queen Moon sighed in annoyance as the three streaked past her place on her bed.

"Oh, you mean the closet?" Janna corrected as they stopped at the opposite side of the room.

"Yes, yes, whatever you Earth-folk like to call it." River shrugged, opening up the closet door to reveal an assortment of random hotel goods such as towels, toiletries, a couple lamps, and a box of sporks. "But who would have thought that such a backwards society like Earth would have enough sense to put a personal armory in every home? Ingenious!"

"Wait, _these_ are your weapons?" Janna asked disappointedly, having expected a walk-in closet full of swords, maces, and suits of armor.

"Well, as you can see, I may have had to, erm, _improvise_ a bit." River clarified. "This blasted place doesn't allow you to bring in weapons. Naturally, I brought mine in anyway, because I'm the king! But the locals don't seem to understand that, you see."

"Aaand, I see exactly where this is going." Marco interrupted. "We're not helping you steal back your contraband, River!"

"Well…" Janna interrupted and Marco let out an exaggerated sigh as he looked to the ceiling.

"Fine, _I'm_ not helping you steal back your weapons!" He corrected, and Janna patted him on the arm.

"Oh that isn't what I was going to ask, my boy!" River laughed. "What I need _you_ to do is go and scavenge more weapons from around this palace to defend my stock! We can't have them hoarding all of the towels to themselves, can we? What if a thief breaks in to raid my armory?!"

"King River, that's-"

"You're right Marco, we're going to need more than just wet towels to defend ourselves from the palace guards, their superior weaponry will wipe us out for sure!"

"I-"

"Yes, brilliant my boy!" River shouted, slightly cross-eyed, as he snatched the box of sporks and threw it at the door, covering the floor in the useless plastic utensils. "Hah, caltrops! Let's see them walk through that!"

As River was busy admiring his handiwork, Marco pulled Janna aside to the opposite corner of the room.

"Look, Janna, I know what you're thinking." He whispered. "You think that going along with the stupid plan going on his head right now would be fun."

"Most definitely, yes." Janna nodded in agreement, finding no point in denying it.

"Well listen. Encouraging him might seem fun right now, but it could land him, and through association _us_ , in a whole mess of trouble that I _don't_ want to deal with today."

"What makes today so special?" Janna prodded. "You don't want to deal with fun stuff _any_ day."

"I'm serious, Janna!" Marco complained. "Things have been quiet for way too long, and that isn't a good sign."

"Well then wouldn't getting into some trouble be a good thing?" She countered. "It should balance out our karma or whatever."

"I'm pretty sure you know that's not how it works. You probably have some old book about that stuff."

"You know the funny thing is, I actually do."

"I wasn't joking!" Marco's voice went hoarse as he whisper-shouted.

Before their conversation could continue, the door at the other end of the room burst open, the three security guards filing in.

"We've been breached!" River cried. The guards stepped over the spork "caltrops" without a problem, their boots more than a match for the brittle plastic. "Blast, and through the trap already! AwOOOOO!"

With a war cry, River grabbed a pillow from the bed and tied a towel around it, using it as a mace as security surrounded him. The guards each got a face full of cotton within moments, the light blows nonetheless enough to knock them off guard.

"Retreat!" River called. Taking Marco and Janna onto his shoulders, he jumped off the back balcony and out into the street.

The guards ran to where they'd been standing and looked down - the king was nowhere to be seen. As they walked back through the room, one of them nodded to the queen.

"Sorry about the intrusion, ma'am."

Moon just sighed again and rolled her eyes, reaching for the remote. "No, no, it's… it's fine."

* * *

River landed in front of the hotel without hardly grunting, before quickly pulling Marco and Janna back in through the sliding doors. The receptionist gave them a cursory glance before returning his gaze to the center of the room, and the trio disappeared down a side hallway a moment later.

"Listen, erm, there may have been _another_ reason to call you here." He muttered confidentially. "I was going to let my wife tell you, but, erm, well…"

"There he is!" A guard appeared from around a corner, and several more were running from the opposite end of the hall. A few of them were holding some sinister looking devices that looked suspiciously like tasers.

"Aha!" River cried in response. "Haveat you, swine!"

Turning towards a pair of double-doors that the three had been standing next to, he looked at Marco and Janna. "Run."

Slamming into an indoor pool room, the guards were hot on their tail. River slammed the door shut and threw a pool noodle into the handlebars, stopping it… if only for a moment.

"Nobody move!" He shouted.

Janna and Marco froze. Around the room, a couple of families looked up from their activities for a moment before continuing to splash and play.

"Don't worry, lads!" River backed away from the door as it slammed and banged, the pool noodle quickly deteriorating under the strain. "I've been working in this room. It's a deathtrap! Meet me at the other side!"

Just as he said this, the door finally slammed open, security pouring in - at least six or seven burly men and women, each wearing black t-shirts, jeans and sunglasses.

"Haha, come get me, curs!" River was off, bounding across the floor towards the opposite exit, and only now did Marco and Janna notice the traps.

Aside from the puddles of water on the slippery tiles, towels had been strung up everywhere - laid across the floor as tripwires, hanging from the lower ceilings as cover, draped between pool chairs, and even being used as cushy payloads if someone were to accidentally run through one of a few different booby-traps.

River expertly cartwheeled, slid and jumped between the traps, while Marco and Janna instead chose to walk around the pool and avoid them altogether. Security, meanwhile, didn't seem to notice the latter option.

"Come on everyone, nobody lives forever!" The lead goon called. With a mighty war cry, he and his men ran straight into the collection of towel-traps, several of them falling victim to the puddles and tripwires immediately.

By the time Marco and Janna reached the other side of the room, the guards were a pile of confused, bruised limbs.

"That won't stop them forever!" River said with the experience of someone who'd done such things a few times already. "This way!" Opening the exit in front of him, he took the lead as the three disappeared back into the hotel.

"So what were you trying to tell us?" Marco panted, as they were making their way back to River and Moon's room. "Because if it's something stupid like this, I'm leaving."

"Why?" Janna grinned. "Those guys aren't even chasing _us,_ just him."

"Your point being?" Marco bit.

"So we can just sit back and watch River do his thing. This is fun."

"That's _King_ Riv-"

"As much fun as that would be," Marco admitted, ignoring the king, "I don't want to see him get arrested. Again."

They scurried down the hall to a conference room, which River pushed the two teenagers inside, locking the door behind them. Only a moment later, they heard commotion in the hall outside: "he went in here!" The voice shouted. "Who's got the key?"

The room was dark, with all the blinds pulled down over the windows. River chuckled as Marco and Janna took in their surroundings.

"My masterpiece!" He exclaimed. "Took all week to set this up!"

Sitting all around the room, on tables, the floor, and mounted to walls, were dozens of…

"Uh, televisions?" Marco asked skeptically.

" _Hypnosis screens,_ my boy!" River said. "And potent ones - when my royal warriors accidentally discovered one, they were entrapped for nearly a week! No food or water! Powerful…"

Behind them, there was a scuffle and a click as the guards piled up outside the door and unlocked it. "Hide!" River hissed, pushing them towards the opposite end of the room and diving behind a table.

The door burst open and security streamed into the room, a few of them soggy, a few of them bruised, most of them looking pretty annoyed.

"Where'd he go?" One of them asked Janna. She shrugged.

As they spread into the room, they heard a cry. River had resurfaced at the far end of the room, holding a pile of remote controls.

"Marco, Janna!" He called. "Shield your eyes!"

He began madly clicking through the remotes, powering on TVs all over the room in a cacophony of sound. "Get him!" A guard shouted over the commotion, and River dropped his remaining remotes as three guards dove towards him.

The scuffle was short. Janna and Marco winced as fists connected with cheeks and tables were overturned, none of which was audible over the sound of the televisions. Before long, River was on the ground, his arm behind his back in a half nelson. A guard found a plug strip and as one, the TVs all lost power.

In the alarming silence that followed, they heard the distinct clicking sound of handcuffs locking into place, as one of the burly guards that had broken through his 'defensive perimeter' had cuffed her own wrist to River's.

"Come on, we're going to see the manager." She said flatly, before pulling the smaller man up onto his feet by the back of his shirt.

"T-the manager?!" River sputtered. His beard was ruffled and hair disheveled, but otherwise he looked very little the worse for wear. "No, not her! That old crone is evil incarnate!"

The small man continued to desperately protest over the screeching of his shoes on the floor as he was dragged along.

"You two!" He cried, pointing to Janna and Marco with his un-cuffed hand as he was pulled around a corner into a hallway. "It's over for me, so don't risk yourselves for my sake, you will only be captured as well!"

As he cried out in defeat, some of the remaining guards lingered awkwardly around the two teens. As they tried to slink out of the center of attention, River cried out from the distance once more.

"You must make your way through the dungeon," His voice dramatically echoed throughout the hotel. "Your journey begins there!"

Finally, he was dragged around the corner - gone, but not forgotten.

One of the remaining security guards looked over Janna and Marco. "Do you two know him?" He asked suspiciously.

They both profusely shook their heads. "He's likes to go through my garbage," Janna improvised.

"Never met him before in my life!" Marco added.

Shrugging, the last few guards filed out of the room.

In the ensuing silence, Marco and Janna looked around at the room full of TVs.

"So… basement?" Janna asked the silence.

* * *

"And the sporks!" Marco said through laughter as the two walked through the hallways, searching for a stairwell that went below ground. "How! Don't they have shoes on Mewni? That would never work!"

Janna wiped a tear of mirth from her eye and kept chuckling. "I can't believe he thought towels were a weapon!"

Marco shook his head as his bout of giggles subsided. "Someone needs to talk to that guy about Earth stuff, and I'm glad it isn't gonna be - OW!"

With a smack, he ran into a door marked "stairwell" at the end of the hallway. Janna smirked at him as he rubbed his nose, then continued. "Well here we are, dude. The 'dungeon.' Oooooh, spooky!" She giggled.

Opening the door, the two headed downstairs.

The door to the basement was grimy and disused, like it was older than the hotel, but opened without a key all the same. The room inside was utterly unimpressive.

Marco found and flicked on the lightswitch, and the single bare bulb in the center of the ceiling illuminated a dusty, ill-maintained storage space. A pile of disused water boilers sat against one wall, along with an array of washing machines, some old pool cleaning equipment and other miscellaneous junk. None of it looked like it'd been touched in years.

"Spooky…" Janna whispered, and this time Marco snickered as she pushed him into the room. They stepped inside and the door slammed shut with a bang behind them.

They both startled, then stared at each other in mutual embarrassment before they started searching.

"So, any idea what we're looking for?" Marco asked as they rummaged.

Janna paused and shrugged. "Nope. Guess we'll know it when we see it."

With that, the light bulb over their heads buzzed and shorted out.

….

"Great." Marco said into the darkness. "You had to say it!"

"Yeah, this is my fault," Janna snorted, pulling out her phone for light.

"If I can jinx stuff, so can you!" Marco replied, still searching by the light of the phone. "Hey, bring that over here, will you? I can barely see."

Unbeknownst to him, Janna was preoccupied with something else. There was a door on the wall next to her that she was _pretty sure_ hadn't been there before. It was dingy and gross-looking like the rest of the room's items, but something about it was drawing her to go inside.

"This wasn't here before…" she muttered, turning the handle.

"What wasn't here before?" Marco asked. He heard a doorknob turn and the creak of hinges, before his light disappeared in a slam.

"Janna?" He asked, the room once again pitch-black. "Hey, I need that light!"

* * *

Janna, though, wasn't in a position to provide it. She looked around at her surroundings, mesmerized by what she saw.

A long hallway was in front of her, and it looked like it'd been ripped from the hotel - complete with doors to rooms, cleaning carts and other supplies. Except that everything was covered in stars.

It was as if someone had painted over everything in her vision with a canvas of the cosmos. Entire galaxies spread out before her, illuminating her surroundings in twilight. Looking closer, she even saw that everything was in motion.

She stepped forward, barely aware that she was moving, and Glossaryck popped out of her phone.

"Janna, sorry to bother you, but you're killing the battery and I'm in the middle of a - oh hang on, where are we right now?" He looked around as well, but Janna barely took notice.

She kept walking and Glossaryck waved a hand in front of her face. "Uh, Janna, I really don't think we should be here!" He said anxiously. Her phone beeped in her hand, and his face dropped to panic.

"Janna, your battery is almost dead," he said urgently as he flickered in front of her face. "Janna, you need to leave. Seriously, we have to -" he headed back towards the entrance to the hallway and pulled on her hood, then blinked out of existence as her phone died.

Janna, for her part, kept walking.

The stars were mesmerizing - hypnotizing, even. River's voice rang in her head, as if warning her. _Entrapped for nearly a week!_

Like that, she blinked and realized what she was doing. What _was_ she doing? How had she gotten here? Glossaryck's voice rushed into her head as if she was only just now hearing it, and she spun around, looking for the exit.

Like that, the "hallway" had disappeared, the door with it, leaving her walking on an endless plain through the skies.

"Marco?" She called? Her voice carried and died in the space around her. She shouted her friend's name again, and for the first time, worry crossed her conscience.

But then there was something else. Stars were flickering out in front of her. Not all of them, and not all at once, but here and there, they were puttering out. She kept walking, back towards where the entrance should have been, if it'd been present.

Her light began to fade, and with its absence, a sinister presence seemed to be growing around her, dimming the endless array of stars that it hadn't touched. Having none of that, Janna muttered a spell. " _Incendium Locale._ " Expecting her outstretched palm to suddenly hold a flame, she stared in disbelief as it did nothing.

She cleared her throat and tried again. "Incendium Locale!"

This time her voice rang out, but still, no flame appeared.

Looking behind her, the stars were definitely disappearing. An inky blackness was spreading towards her, consuming constellations - at its center, an entire galaxy petered out of existence.

Janna increased her walking pace, away from the darkness, but she couldn't tell if she was gaining any ground. "Incendium Locale!" She called again. Nothing. "Come on!" She shouted in frustration. The darkness was gaining on her, and she started to run.

"Marco!"

* * *

"Janna?" Marco called out quietly, trying to feel his way around the dark basement. "Come on, this isn't funny. We _both_ know monsters exist, and this seems like the perfect setting for the scarier ones to show up in."

Putting his hand on the brick wall, he began to feel around for a light switch or at least the exit, where he could let some light in.

"Of all days to keep my emergency flashlight at home." He sighed, making his way across the dusty floor. "Why don't you just use that fire spell of yours till we find a lamp or something?"

Again, he was met with silence. He wasn't quite sure whether to be afraid for Janna's safety, or annoyed that she was messing with him again. Either way, he had to find her if he wanted to get out of this creepy place anytime soon.

"Well if you're gonna jump out and scare me, now's the time I guess." He continued along, feeling the wall, and fell on his face as he tripped on a random bit of debris.

"Janna! Seriously!"

Stepping up, he put his hand on the wall again and immediately found a door. The foot of it was obscured by a pile of glass debris of some kind, which Marco kicked out of the way with a clatter.

Opening the door, Marco's eyes were blessed by light. Not much, mind - the light switch had presumably activated a dingy, barely-functioning lamp in the opposite corner of the next room - but enough to see _something._

And what he saw was King River's note. Probably.

It was a piece of paper sitting in a corked bottle, in the center of the floor. And, unlike everything else around him, wasn't yellow with age or covered in dust.

"Yes!" Marco did a fist pump. "Janna, don't know where you went but I found the note before you!" He sang.

Stepping forward, his face was immediately greeted by a spider web.

He screamed, and it was a surprise that the light bulb didn't shatter from the volume.

Clawing at his face, he pulled the web away and wiped his hands on his pants, before desperately feeling at his face and hair again to make sure that he hadn't obtained a passenger. A prickling on his neck caught a fierce swat, to no result - sighing, he forced himself to take a deep breath.

Just a spider web. That was all.

Stepping into the center of the room, he grabbed the note and turned to leave.

"Janna?" He asked. If that scream hadn't gotten her to come out of hiding, he was worried that nothing would. He'd heard a door - hadn't she been in here? What if something had happened?

 _What if the spider was poisonous?_

"Janna, if you got bit by a poisonous spider, groan once!"

No response.

Marco frowned and looked around for a moment longer before deciding better than sticking his hands into dark, spider-infested corners.

"I'll be back with a flashlight!" He turned to leave, back towards the stairs, and was still greeted by only silence.

* * *

No matter how fast Janna ran, the starlight around faded faster, being replaced by a terrifying, seemingly conscious darkness. After only a few seconds, Janna was already short of breath. She couldn't slow down. Her brain wasn't processing whatever it was that she was being chased by, and while she didn't know exactly what getting caught would entail, she knew that it couldn't be good.

"Dang it Glossaryck, where'd you go?" She gasped, shaking her dead phone. Her lungs were burning, and her whole body was aching, screaming at her to stop - and she'd barely gone 30 feet. It felt like she was running through molasses. This place was draining her, she was sure of it. She was painfully aware that she couldn't keep going for much longer, and even if she did, whatever was chasing her was accelerating. Entire galaxies were disappearing into its maw.

The resourceful side of her consciousness kicked in, and reminded her that the best bet would be to stop and try and improvise something, but what should she do against an entity that she can't see? She didn't even have her magic here for some reason - never mind the exhaustion.

"Need to get out!" She gasped. As if on cue, she spotted a wonderfully ordinary looking door in the distance - the same one she'd used to get in. It was a blotch on the starry canvas, but she'd never been so happy to see anything in her life.

Unfortunately, her body hadn't gotten the memo. "Come on, run, run!" She growled at herself as her legs shook underneath her. "Levitato!" She tried, but nothing happened.

She spared a glance behind her to find that the void had advanced - barely a few dozen yards away. It'd consumed everything behind it.

"Levitato!" She gasped again, and all at once her body failed. Her legs gave out beneath her, finally, and the darkness rushed closer as she fell flat.

"Monkey feathers!" She swore, and took a deep breath. She placed herself on her feet, but she wasn't able to lift her legs. The darkness was roiling behind her, only a few meters away, and the air was being sucked from her lungs.

"Levitato!" Nothing. "Levitato! Work, dang it!"

Janna gasped as the last breath entered her body, and then an eerie sense of calm came over her. The panic melted away as she looked back towards death.

Centering herself, she exhaled. "Levitato." She commanded.

There was a tug in her mind, like someone had tied a string around it and was pulling it down into her skull. She grasped her head in pain, but she was floating.

She urged herself onwards, her head throbbing, once again gaining on the darkness. The door was 100 meters away. 50. 10. There it was!

She turned the knob, and the darkness behind her screamed. She couldn't hear it, but she felt it - a crash of anger pouring over her mind like a tidal wave, and she opened the door and threw herself through, just as the wall of darkness slammed against it.

* * *

Marco didn't have time to anticipate a teenage girl appearing to his side. He didn't have time to consider what it would feel like if she slammed into him at what felt like near-ballistic speeds. All he heard was a crash as a door he hadn't known was there opened to his left and Janna slammed through with a shout of pain, landing into his chest and knocking them both to the ground.

"Ohwwww…." Marco groaned, and Janna joined him from where she was lying on his stomach. Her body felt like it was on fire, but the feeling was fading fast.

Above them, the light bulb flickered back to life.

"Jannaaaaaa," Marco groaned. "Don't do that…"

"Mmmph." Janna mustered a grunt as she rolled off her companion, staring up in disbelief at the ceiling, and treasuring the light.

"What were you _doing?"_ Marco asked, annoyed, as he stood up and dusted himself off. "Are you okay?" He couldn't keep the concern from his voice, despite himself.

All at once, Janna's energy surged back - like she'd left her batteries on Earth and she'd just put them back in. She jumped up, all pain gone, and looked around wildly for the door she'd come through. It was nowhere to be seen.

Without a word, she grabbed Marco's arm and shouted "upstairs!" before pulling him towards the exit.

* * *

A few minutes later they were sitting on a couch in the very well-lit hotel lobby, Janna trying to avoid the shadows where she could while Marco held her arm.

"And I fell and the thing was, like, right behind me," she rambled on to him. "And I saw a door and couldn't move! So I tried to use magic again, and it worked, but - agh." Just the memory of the headache brought back a twinge of pain and she put her head in her hands.

"Janna, look at me." Marco said seriously. Janna looked up, emotionless, and Marco gave her a quick hug before sitting back and staring her in the eyes. "It's alright. It's over."

Janna sighed. "Yeah. It is." She reached out her hand and said a spell. "Incendium locale." A small ball of fire burned to life in her palm.

From behind her, the receptionist called, "uh, no smoking please!"

Extinguishing the ball, Janna shelved her memories and focused on what they'd actually gone down into the basement for. "Did you get the note?" She asked.

Marco withdrew the bottle from his hoodie and uncorked it, unrolling the small slip of paper inside.

 _Find my daughter, please. Her name is Star. Start with Tom. He'll know where to look._

Janna read over Marco's shoulder, and they looked at each other, peeved. "He couldn't have just told us that?" Janna asked.

As if on cue, a very old, very angry-looking crone of a woman strode across the hall, a sheepish and thoroughly-chastised King River in tow. He waved feebly at the pair of teens before an elevator dinged open and Queen Moon grabbed him by the ear.

"Hey, what the heck was that all about!" Janna exclaimed as they ran across the lobby, and the old woman turned to look at them with a glare that could melt steel, immediately slowing them to a walk, then turned to talk to Moon.

"What did he do this time?" The queen asked with a bored tone.

"Destroyed several televisions, booby-trapped the pool room, and badly bruised several security officers." The old woman adjusted her shirt's "manager" pin importantly.

Moon sighed and put her head into her hand while River smiled shyly. "I'll take care of it." She said. "And you two," she looked at Janna and Marco. "River told you what you need to do?"

"We have questions," Marco answered, and Janna nodded. The manager turned and walked off, and the elevator dinged as the doors began to close.

"I've got to take care of this," Moon gestured to River. "Find her, please. She's… all we have left."

The door shut with a clatter. Marco and Janna looked at each other, unsure of what to do next.

"Marco," Janna said after a moment. He looked towards her and she pointed to his scalp. "Spider in your hair."

* * *

 **Meat-Hook's name in the show is Meat-Fork. Oops. Well, that's like an hour's worth of work for a relatively inconsequential change. Guess we'll stick to this for now.**

 **We're updating the tumblr semi-regularly! It still looks like a default but at least it has content now! I've posted my thoughts on S3 so far, some info on a character that will be showing up in S2 very soon, and a couple character synopses too! Eventually there will be art.**

 **Eventually.**

 **That's also where I'm trying to take the comment responses - thanks for the reviews, likes, and faves!**

 **Next episode soon? It was already halfway done when we were writing this, so it shouldn't be too long.**

 _ **On The Next Episode Of JVTFOE:**_

 **I saw a star slide down the sky,**

 **Blinding the north as it went by,**

 **Too burning and too quick to hold,**

 **Too lovely to be bought or sold,**

 **Good only to make wishes on**

 **And then forever to be gone.**

 **(Sara Teasdale)**


	21. S2 Chapter 1-2: Falling Star

**Hello, everyone! Thank you for tuning in! This chapter was a long time in the making, and originally going to be part of the last. Even with us cutting it to be its own thing, it's still quite long - our longest yet, possibly? Almost a 3-parter! Almost. Enjoy!**

* * *

The typical loud rip of a dimensional portal opening echoed off the cliffs of an otherwise unremarkable section of the Mewnian underworld. King River's dimensional scissors sliced through thin air as they worked, and a moment later, Marco and Janna stepped through the rift and onto the hellscape.

Janna took a deep breath and exhaled, looking around at the monster hovels, mansions, and chrome-covered sculptures in the distance. "Ah," she said, feeling a surge of wellness and power course into her. "Feels good to be back."

Marco stood behind her a moment later, his head rotating as he glared suspiciously at everything from the ground to the sky. He took a breath too, then coughed at the stench.

"Ugh, sulfur!" He said, holding his nose. "And brimstone! Janna, this place stinks, and it's _hot!"_

On cue, Janna shed her hoodie and threw it back through the portal immediately.

Making to chuck his own through as well, Marco's hoodie arced through the air before a cloud of imps intercepted. Their cackles filled the air as they began to fly off, the sweater dragging along behind them.

"Hey, give that back!" Marco shouted, running after them.

As they gained distance, Janna shouted, "Stealing imp grounding!"

A few fell out of the sky and kept running.

"Windmill tornado slam!"

A burst of air shot out of her hands and past Marco, throwing him off-balance and his shirt up in front of his face.

"Hey, Janna!" He shouted, pulling his tee back down. "Watch it!"

Chuckling, Janna took aim and cast a third spell. "Magic flytrap swatting attack!"

A flurry of translucent, flailing flyswatters sprang out from her hands and towards the imps, who quickly dropped the hoodie and flew off, grumbling. Elsewhere, Marco had his hands above his head to protect from the assault as he ran to retrieve it. "Janna, seriously! Cut it out! Ow!"

Walking back a minute later, he threw the balled-up hoodie through the portal and gave Janna a rude stare. "Thanks."

A swatter gave him a smack on his butt before disappearing, and Janna was grinning. "You're welcome."

The portal snapped shut behind them, and Janna _levitato'd_ the pair of them off, towards the enormous fortress of the underworld's capitol in the distance.

As they rose into the air and sped off, Janna shouted to her friend over the gusts filling their ears.

"Does this place make you feel more awake?" She asked, arms outstretched.

Marco, for his part, was doing his best not to look at the ground, several hundred feet directly below them. "Uh, no!" He called back. "Just more… terrified! Focus on flying, please!"

Janna grinned evilly as she looked to her front. "You got it!"

She gave the two of them a quick spin through the air as they flew, to Marco's shrieking complaint. Taking them straight up, Janna felt like a one-woman aerial show as they twirled around one another, the dark clouds above them crackling menacingly.

"Woo-hoo!" Janna cried. "I could never go this high on Earth!"

"Janna, seriously!" Marco shouted back. "You're gonna make me siiii-ck!"

He lost control of his voice as Janna flew towards him, spinning him like a top through the sky.

"Oh boy…" Marco murmurred as they stabilized, his face turning green.

Returning them back down to normal height, Janna was wearing a huge grin as Marco continued to fight back the urge to vomit. "I wish there was a way to do this all the time!" She shouted.

"Urg… I don't!" Marco strained. "Look out below!"

Over the sounds of Marco losing his lunch, Glossaryck emerged from Janna's pocket and flew up next to her shoulder, still in his usual cross-legged pose. "Do you want to learn how?" He asked over the wind. "I can teach you!"

"Really?!" Janna asked, so excited at the prospect that she and Marco dipped out of the air for a moment, inducing a fresh round of heaving.

"Of course!" Glossaryck said. "You'll just need a wand!" Then he looked down below them and dipped back down towards Janna's pocket. "Ask me about it later!"

The spires of the underworld's massive capitol fortress were finally below them, and Marco let out a sigh of relief when they floated down. As his feet touched the ground, he bent down and kissed it.

"Land, sweet land!" He cried, before looking back up at Janna. "Never again."

Janna shrugged. "C'mon dude, that was awesome."

In front of them was a massive set of iron gates, with a call-box off to the side.

Marco stood up and pressed the buzzer. A voice answered immediately, demonic and intimidating but somewhat dulled over a crackly, sub-par connection. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, uh, we're here to see Tom?" Marco asked, wiping his mouth. "It's about a mutual friend."

The box was silent for a moment before responding. "Sorry, the Prince of Darkness isn't seeing any visitors today," it replied, "please come back next week."

Marco bit his tongue and tried to quickly think of a response before Janna walked in front of him.

"What he meant to say is we're, uh, the Arcade Cabinet Repair Crew." She ad-libbed. "The mutual friend is, um, the cabinet."

The silence stretched on for a lot longer this time, before the voice came back again. "Seriously?" It asked.

"Ah-yup, for sure!" Marco said, putting a false positivity in his voice. "Got the call earlier today, apparently, um, one of the cabinets stopped working… after Tom…" He looked to Janna for help, who shrugged.

"Lit it on fire?" She interjected.

"Right, right, lit it on fire!" Marco finished the lie. "So we're just here to see if we can get it working again, you know the drill."

The voice on the other end of the line sighed, before saying "Yeah, that sounds like him. Alright, come on in. Just make it fast."

The gates before them swung open, and the two headed inside. "Well, that was easy," Marco quipped.

Heading inside, the grand entryway to the castle had the same smattering of underworld elites as it had the last time Janna had visited. Pointing to a side corridor, they set off into the bowels of the fortress.

"Uh, this way, I think." Janna said as they made another turn. Marco followed.

"You think?" Marco asked. "Isn't there like, a map of this place?"

"You wouldn't make a map of your house…" Janna pointed out, resisting the urge to correct herself - that sounded _exactly_ like something Marco would do.

"Oh contraire," Marco said smugly. "I made one in the fourth grade! For geography class."

Janna rolled her eyes.

"And anyway," Marco continued, sidestepping a group of flame elementals as they flew past in a wave of heat. "My house isn't the size of a town!" He gestured around into the seemingly infinite number of side corridors, hallways and rooms.

Janna shrugged. "We'll find it eventually."

"Will we, Janna?" Marco asked. "Will we?"

Biting back a retort, Janna stopped to look around as they stepped into a smaller chamber that she _definitely_ hadn't been in before. Intricate designs of stars and planets lined the walls and roof, and the floor was covered in an enormous stone etching of a cleaved star surrounded by the faces of monsters.

Across the room, a stage had been set up to hold an oversized podium, and a small army of folding chairs was deployed to face it. A crowd of demons was milling about in the chairs, and standing at the podium was none other than…

 **"Ahem!"** Ishkilthul the knowledge demon cleared his throat with a rumble, and the various demons, elementals and other creatures in front of him took their seats.

 **"Thank you for joining me today!"** Ishkilthul began, straightening a tie. He'd forgone the trilby hat today, with the curly smattering of hair on top of his head instead greased and combed to the side. Behind him, a projector screen lit up with the words: "The Underworld, Anger Management, And You: A Guide To Control And Reform."

Paying the imminent presentation very little mind, Janna called out past the group of monsters: "Hey, Ishkilthul!"

All the eyes in the room turned to them, some of them literally smouldering with an ancient rage. Marco quickly slunk away to a seat in the back, while Janna walked towards the crowd, seemingly oblivious.

Ishkilthul sighed, a deep, rumbling noise that was underlined by the scream of some tortured soul. **"Oh, hi Janna. Can this wait?"**

"I just need directions to Tom's room!" She shouted, the room still far too large to allow for anything less.

Ishkilthul glared at her. **"Well, as you can see I'm in the middle of something. Wait until after the presentation."**

"But -"

 _ **"WAIT!"**_ Ishkilthul bellowed, causing the monsters in front of him to flinch and shrink back into their seats.

Even Janna covered her ears, before looking up at him ruefully. "Fine. Moody…"

Walking to the back, she joined Marco as he tried his best not to be noticed, sitting as far from the monstrous crowd as possible. On the podium, Ishkilthul cleared his throat again. **"My apologies to you all. That's a perfect example of the exact behavior that this seminar is trying to address. Please say you forgive me."**

 _"We forgive you."_ The monotone resonance of the response from the room indicated that this had not been the first time Ishkilthul had drilled these ideas into your heads.

 **"Thank you. Now then, the reason for this seminar…"**

As Ishkilthul began his presentation, Janna tuned out immediately, as most of the monsters presumably did as well. Marco was still shrunk into his seat, desperately trying to melt through the floor.

Casting a line for something to do while they waited, Janna reached into her pocket and extracted her phone. Glossaryck set aside the book he'd been reading and looked up. "Oh, great, _that guy."_ He shook his head as his eyes landed on Ishkilthul. "What a jackass."

A nearby monster snickered, though Ishkilthul was presumably too far away to notice the disturbance.

"What can I do for you, m'lady?" Glossaryck asked, standing and curtsying with his robe. Marco snickered. Janna was _not_ a "m'lady" no matter how many times Glossaryck made the mistake.

"Where do you get a wand?" Janna asked.

"Ah!" Glossaryck perked up, and rubbed his hands together. "An excellent question. You can't."

"I can't?" Janna asked.

"Mmm, no." Glossaryck swam through the air before flipping onto his back and summoning a nail file from nothing. "Wands were made in a different era," he said, putting it to use. "Magic was a lot stronger back then." He glanced at Janna. "A _lot_ stronger," he emphasized.

"The Butterfly wand has been in the family for hundreds of years. There are a few others that are around, but they're mostly used by royal families. So unless you want to go back in time to find Earth's - "

 **"Ahem!"** Ishkilthul cleared his throat for a third time, and Janna looked up to see that he was staring at her from the podium expectantly. Glossaryck quickly disappeared back into her phone.

"Sorry," Janna said, depositing her phone in her pocket. "It's just that the presentation was _so_ interesting."

 **"You need to leave."** Ishkilthul stated.

* * *

It was nearly an hour before the seminar ended, a trove of monsters running through the various exits in a fashion not dissimilar to the students of Echo Creek academy on a Friday afternoon.

Janna marched Marco back into the room shortly thereafter, to find the podium and chairs were seemingly turning to smoke and disappearing under Ishkilthul's supervision.

 **"What?"** He asked as they approached, barely looking over his shoulder.

"Directions to Tom's room?" Janna asked.

 **"Seriously, that's all?"** Ishkilthul glanced at her in disdain. **"Second door on the left."** He pointed down the opposite hall from where they were standing.

In hindsight, the directions proved to be utterly unnecessary, as the enormous doors carved into the wall and adorned with the sign "Prince Tom's Room" written in red were a dead giveaway.

"So who is this guy?" Marco asked as Janna made to knock.

"Demon prince of the underworld." Janna said. "And he's kind of a jerk, so keep quiet."

Janna did him the courtesy of knocking once before pushing the doors open. "Hey, Tom, you in here?" She called, stepping inside.

Marco followed her immediately. "Janna, don't do that!" He chastised. "For all we know he could be -"

"Who dares to enter my chambers unannounced?" A teenager's demonic voice rang out along the walls as flames sprung up from the floor, hemming the two inside the room while the door slammed shut behind them.

Marco yelped and looked around frantically while Janna stepped forward. "Uh, Janna and Marco!" She called. "King River sent us to look for Star!"

The flames died down somewhat, and Tom floated down from the ceiling, three eyes glowing red while the crackling light cast shadows on his pale skin.

"Well don't just barge in!" He said, still obviously peeved as the demonic rage faded from his voice. "You didn't even know I was in here!"

Marco looked at Tom, then back at Janna. "Hah!" He shouted. "Told you!"

Tom looked at him as his feet touched the floor. "And you are?" He asked.

"Uh… Marco? Marco Diaz." Marco said, obviously still intimidated.

"Your title?" Tom asked.

"Uhhh, title?"

"Yeah, y'know. Like "Prince of Darkness."

"Safe Kid." Janna interjected, and Marco shot her a glare while Tom chuckled.

"Seriously? That's like, the worst title."

"Anyways," Marco crossed his arms, annoyed. "King River sent us to find Star? He said you could help us look."

"Again?" Tom said, annoyed. "What is it with that guy? I mean, I get that it's his daughter, but come on!"

"And you don't care at all?" Marco asked. "According to him, she's your ex."

"No!" Tom hesitated for a moment. "We broke up. If she wants to go die in a fiery explosion without me, that's her business."

Crossing his arms, he turned away to sulk.

Janna wandered into the room while Marco stood to the side, unsure of what to say. She ran a finger along one of the arcade cabinets in a corner, looking about at the various other methods of entertainment before Tom sighed.

"Alright, look." He explained. "I've already helped the old man look for Star. Twice! So if I help you guys look, will you get him to leave me alone? I - I don't like to think about it."

Janna looked over at Marco, who shrugged. "Deal," she said. "Where do we start?"

* * *

Unsticking his shirt from his armpits (again), Marco followed his two companions through a very similar-looking jungle to the one he'd been in only a couple months ago. So similar, in fact, that he was continually looking up and checking the leafy canopy for birds.

Somehow, he decided, the heat of a literal hellscape was still preferable to ninety or so degrees in high humidity. He pulled up the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his brow, only to find that it was already soaked.

"Man, it's the middle of winter!" He complained, pushing a few bushy leaves away from his face. Janna and Tom were just in front of him, the former similar disgruntled while the latter was seemingly unaffected.

Tom looked back from where he'd been burning a path for them. The jet of flames in his hands subsided somewhat as he did. "I know right? He quipped. "Lucky we're not here on a _hot_ day!"

Looking back in front of himself, the jets from his hands subsided and he bent down to examine the ground. A small clearing had opened up in front of them, utterly unremarkable in every way, but Tom showed signs of recognizing it.

"I know where we are, finally!" He said a moment later. "Just another hour's hike, tops." He breathed in and exhaled noisily. "Ahh, smell that fresh air!"

With a groan, Marco fell to the ground and closed his eyes. Janna used her scissors to open a portal and step through.

"Why can't you just portal us there, again?" Marco asked from the dust.

"No reason!" Tom said quickly. "It's just, uh, my cousin doesn't like me very much." As if that answered the question entirely, he pointed to Marco. "Scorpion on your shirt."

Marco opened his eyes and jumped up with a shuddering squeal as he brushed it off into the bushes. Tom chuckled again.

Returning through the portal, Janna handed Marco a water bottle before cracking another for herself. "So," she asked between pulls. "Where are we going again?"

"To.. a place," Tom evaded.

"Wow, helpful," Marco dryly returned, taking a drink from his bottle.

"Spider on your back!" Tom replied.

Marco turned in a circle, craning his neck to try and see it. Sure enough, a spider the size of his hand was slowly ascending the back of his shirt.

"Aagh!" He let out a much higher pitched scream before falling back into the dirt with a scramble. "Why do things keep _attaching_ themselves to me?!"

Janna gave a snort of amusement and Tom joined her, earning an approving smirk.

Marco stood up again and looked between them, irate.

"You done?" Tom asked. "Only an hour or two to go!" With that, he turned away and walked into the brush.

"Hey, uh, you got a little…" Janna gestured to Marco's dust covered face, and he glared at her before grabbing her water bottle and drinking the rest of its contents.

"I hate it here," he said flatly before disappearing after Tom. Janna's smirk only widened as she followed.

* * *

As they walked, Janna quickly learned that she was much more interested in Tom than he was in her.

Demon prince of the underworld with fire powers? Sold! Also happened to be super-hot? Bonus points.

But no matter how many times she tried to strike up a conversation with him, it wouldn't happen.

"So, you like… music?" She tried again. She was _not_ about to let the hot demon teenager get away from her without at least _trying._

"I guess."

…

Janna let the silence stretch for a moment. "Metal?" She asked awkwardly.

"Classic rock."

"Ah."

…

The silence stretched on, the trio's shoes scuffing the narrow path, creating the only sound in range.

Deciding to try a different approach, Janna pulled out a spellbook and began scrolling through. Wishing for a cool breeze, the words were on her lips when suddenly, Marco shouted behind her.

"The forest is _mocking_ me!"

Turning around, she found that her friend was a little bit… disheveled. His eyes were wide and wild, and flicked about at everything.

"It's that tree!" He shouted, pointing to a knotted trunk. "And those vines, and that bush, and -"

Before he could elaborate further, Tom stepped over and slapped him across the face.

"Jungle fever." He explained to Janna. "Happens to the weak-minded."

Without a word, Marco turned and took off in a full sprint in the opposite direction.

Janna looked after him in mild perplexion, while Tom just shrugged. "Well, he's dead," he turned away and kept walking.

"Marco, come back here!" Janna finally found her voice, to no response.

"Something's coming," Tom suddenly warned. "We need to get off the path."

Ignoring him, Janna turned and squinted in the other direction, where sure enough, a small dust cloud was rising. "No way…" She muttered.

Marco ran back towards them, still at full tilt, from the exact opposite direction that he'd been going previously.

Stopping in front of them and gasping for breath, he looked up at Tom. "It's - hot -" he panted, "and you've been leading us - in - circles!"

Pointing at Tom, he fell on his back with a gasp and Janna leaned over him while he groaned in defeat.

A burst of inspiration struck and she went for the spellbook. Meanwhile, Tom looked down the path in both directions, confused. "In circles…" he muttered. "That's not right…"

He took a few steps forward and stopped before crouching down and examining the ground.

" _Hyrdo-oralysis, pepto!_ " Janna called. A gout of water suddenly appeared above them both, splashing down with a crash. Marco sputtered and gasped as he got up from the ground, his clothes soaked and the back of his shirt now covered in mud. He glared at Janna, hardly needing a reprimand.

She was similarly soaked. "Sorry," she admitted as the water trickled through her hair. "I thought it'd help."

She scrolled through the book for a drying spell. Unable to find one, she shrugged. "Drying-gust -"

"Quiet!" Tom shouted from a few feet ahead.

Janna closed her mouth and stared at him. "Rude."

"This is…" Tom muttered, before jumping up. "Off the path, now!"

The ground rumbled beneath their feet as the three dove to the sides of the pathway. And just in the nick of time - as if the entire world had come alive, the dirt gave way to an enormous creature, which rose into the sky above them. Several stories tall, it looked like a giant earthworm - if earthworms were dark green and covered in spines.

"Trailworm!" Tom called. "Run!"

"Run?" Marco shouted from the other side of what had been their path. "How do we run from _that!"_

The creature roared before plunging down, burying its face into the trees as Janna was thrown to the side. It slithered down into the ground with a rumble, leaving an eerie silence in its wake.

Jumping down into the trench that the worm had created, Tom took the lead. "This way!" He shouted. "It'll be back!"

Then, they ran. Whatever magic the worm had been using on their path had dissipated - the trench it carved continued for a few hundred feet, before sloping up and turning back into the path.

Marco clambered up first, while Tom and Janna levitated themselves behind him. The ground shook again, and the three looked down apprehensively, stopping in their tracks.

"Nobody move." Tom warned. "It can't see anything. It'll detect us by our feet."

"So we've just gotta stand - oh gohAAAAAAAAAGH!"

The ground shattered beneath their feet, and Janna and Tom were thrown back as Marco suddenly found himself several stories in the air - hundreds of gnashing worm-teeth directly below him.

The creature bellowed as it reared up above the canopy, shaking its head as Marco clung desperately to it. Before he could even process what was going on, he was falling.

"LEVITATO!"

Janna's voice bounced out of the forest below him and he found himself suspended a hundred feet below ground - no longer falling, instead, sinking.

He turned around when the worm roared again, and saw it looking down at the ground. Janna and Tom were tiny at his height - but it was obvious that the monster didn't appreciate them taking its dinner.

"Hraaah!" Tom rushed forward and put his hands to the monster's underside. A wall of flames sprang up from the ground, searing its way up the creature's body. It screeched and recoiled, flailing through the trees as it tried to get away, before disappearing back below ground.

In moments, Marco was back down on the ground, Janna looking slightly more strained than she had a moment ago, but otherwise no worse for wear.

"Shouldn't we portal out of here?" She asked, grabbing her scissors and making to do just that.

"No!" Tom shouted. "We're close! It's just a worm!"

The ground rumbled again as 'just the worm' burrowed its way towards them for a third attack.

"Here it comes!" Janna warned.

"Obviously," Tom retorted. Fire balled in his hands as he readied himself.

The worm reared out of the ground again, but this time the three heard another cry amidst its roar. A shout of defiance as a teal blur streaked out of the trees and up into its head.

"HAH!" A female shout, and the worm screamed in pain before tumbling to the ground on its side. A wide swath of forest collapsed beneath its weight as it fell, and then it slowly slid back into the tunnel it came from.

Tom still had fire in his hands, with all three of the teenagers staring at the corpse, stunned. Finally, Marco broke the silence. "Uh, what was that?"

"Who was that, you mean." A voice corrected him.

"Right," Marco said. "Who was that?"

"It was me."

Marco jumped as he realized that he didn't recognize the voice, turning to face the new arrival. A literal bush of teal-colored hair complimented a striped shirt, and the girl was holding an enormous greatsword.

"Oh," Tom finally put down his hands. "Hey Kelly."

"Kelly?" Janna asked. "Who's Kelly?"

"I'm Kelly," said Kelly, shifting her greatsword and holding out a hand. "Pleasure to meet you."

Janna shook her hand and Marco looked around, still in full battle mode. "So the worm's dead?" he asked. "And who are you?"

"Yep." Tom gave Kelly a small smile which she returned with a light hug. "She was a friend of Star's."

"Speaking of Star," Kelly interjected, "is that why you're here?"

Tom nodded, and a note of concern touched his voice. "You haven't… heard anything, have you?"

Kelly sighed and leaned on her sword, which was now stuck in the ground. "No. Not since…" The sentence lingered into silence.

"Not since…" Marco prodded, and Kelly bit her lip.

Tom shot him a glare. "Not now, man," and Marco gave him an annoyed look in return.

"I was looking for her at the grotto," Kelly shifted tracks quickly. "Got distracted by the worm. And, uh, you know the rest."

"Find anything?" Tom asked.

"Nah."

As the two caught up, Marco scooted over to Janna. "Think the worm's dead?" He whispered to her and she shrugged.

"Well, lots of ground to cover. So, I'm thinking we split up." Tom said to the group. "so two of us take my spots, and two of us take Kelly's."

Janna perked up at this immediately. "I'm going with Tom!" She said suddenly.

Tom rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll go with Witchy Business, Kelly, you take the Safe Kid."

"Safe Kid?" Kelly chuckled while looking at Marco, who mumbled something unintelligible in his defence.

"Meet back at my place in a few hours. Sounds good?"

Kelly nodded and withdrew a pair of scissors from her hair - long, curved and a turquoise-green. She tore open a portal and grabbed Marco's arm. "Come on, Safe Kid."

"Uh, my name's Marco," he said before disappearing behind her.

Tom's smile dropped from his face and he kept walking, Janna behind him.

The forest, now once again buzzing with life in the wake of the giant worm, seemed especially loud with only two steps of feet on the path. Janna cast a glance around and tried to catch up with Tom, only to find that he was keeping himself just a few steps in front of her.

"So what's up with Kelly?" She asked. "Why didn't King River tell us to talk with her when we were looking for leads?

"Do _your_ parents keep up with your social life?"

"...Thats fair. Where are we going next?"

"I told you," Tom dodged again. "It's… a place."

"A place where Star might be." Janna added.

"Yep." Tom said. "Please stop talking?"

"So is it like, a cave, or…?" Janna ignored him.

"Drop it." Tom said again.

"Oh! Is it some kind of dungeon?"

"Drop. It."

"And what made Star so special, anyways?"

"I. Said. **DROP IT**!" Tom roared, jets of flame shooting from the ground beneath him. Noticing small flames kick up around the two, he quickly put them out and stomped ahead.

Janna took a step back out of reflex, shrugged, and kept following.

"Sorry." He said, a moment later. He didn't sound sorry. "I don't like talking about it."

After another few minutes of silent walking, the path began to slope up a hill, then a mountain. Janna levitated herself into the air and made sure to keep her distance, this time, as Tom trudged forward.

Turning an especially sharp corner, Janna looked around in confusion. Tom had seemingly vanished, and so had their path. A grey cliff face stretched up in its place, and Janna made to hover up it when she heard Tom's voice from below her, instead.

"Down here!" He called, and Janna looked between her feet to find that she'd been floating over a manhole-sized cave, without so much as a guard rail or piece of caution tape to indicate it. Had she not been floating, she would've fallen right in!

Shrugging this thought off, Janna allowed herself to float down.

The tunnel quickly opened up into a larger cave, the landscape below her illuminated by a dozen other holes like the one she'd just entered through. The speckled lights revealed a shadowy floor that spanned dozens of meters.

Landing softly, Janna spotted partner again, but bit her tongue rather than risk annoying him again. As she watched, he put his hand to a seemingly ordinary-looking stone, which sparked to life in a warm clow as others around them did the same. As her eyes adjusted to the sudden light, Janna took in the sights.

The cave's walls were coated in faded, greying colors that still glittered in the light. Drawings of rainbows spanned entire directions, and there were clouds and smiling suns the size of her mom's beat-up car. Even as faded as they were, they still twinkled faintly in the light.

Turning her attention back towards the center of the room, Janna took a step and her foot crunched into something. Bending down, she found that she was surrounded by the ashen husks of dead vegetation, some of it sporting the same once-vibrant color schemes as the walls. Tracks in the floor indicated that there'd once been running water, and in the center of the room, an enormous, bright-pink inflatable castle slumped against itself. It was covered in mud, and the towers and walls were all partially deflated.

Tom walked towards this structure, Janna following as she took careful steps around the debris on the floor. As she walked, there were more relics of adventures past. An entire forest of dog collars and leashes was sitting tangled in one indent, as if a horde of puppies had lived there. Elsewhere, there were sticky tracks of pastel paints splashed across surfaces, old balls of decaying sweets, broken swords, dented armor, and the soot-covered remains of long-forgotten fire pits.

Tom had disappeared inside the main gate of the castle. Once ten feet tall, Janna could now reach up and flick at the fake, inflated bars of the main gate from where it hung above her.

Inside, the ground was covered in more adolescent junk. A dance floor shimmered and flickered dimly in one corner. Moldy beanbags and other decrepit furniture covered entire areas, along with a snack bar, vending machines, a popcorn maker, and even a few arcade cabinets to put Tom's to shame.

Tom himself had stopped at the opposite wall and quickly walked off as Janna approached, revealing a dusty cabinet full of pictures and souvenirs. A trio of shirts with a logo for some kind of hot dog company sat in one corner, along with a grand-prize trophy for a fighting arena, and framed photographs of two people Janna already knew - and one she didn't.

Kelly and Tom were easily recognizable in most of them, in settings that ranged from dance floors to carnivals, from battlefields to restaurants.

In all of the pictures, Janna noticed there was a third girl as well - long, blonde hair was kept in check by a red headband with tiny horns, and swept back behind some painfully-colorful dresses, with an enormous smile and heart-shaped cheek marks.

Stepping away, Janna reached down and picked up another photo that had fallen out of the cabinet, this one seemingly older than the rest. Tom was kneeling in front of Star, presenting the headband she was wearing in the other photos as if he were presenting a crown, while she laughed.

Taking a look around, she saw that Tom had sat himself in one of the less-destroyed beanbag chairs across the room. Holding the photograph, she approached.

"So, this is Star?" She asked as she approached. Tom looked up to see her presenting the picture frame, which he took in his hands and examined glumly. "Please don't explode again." She added quickly.

"Yeah." Tom said sadly, running a thumb over the frame. "Princess of Mewni. Kelly showed us this cave, and Star made it her own. We'd come here when we had stuff we didn't want to deal with. Royals, and all."

Janna gingerly sat down in another beanbag, immediately thinking the better of it as cold rot touched her skirt. "So you guys were, uh, friends?"

Tom snorted. "We dated for awhile. But she outgrew me."

They sat in silence for another few moments, Tom staring at the picture, lost in thought.

Finally, taking the photo out of the frame, he folded it up and tucked it into a pocket before standing up. "Come on," He said, shaken out of his reverie. "I don't like it here. And there's another stop to make."

* * *

"Nice to meet you, Marco." Kelly said, as they stepped out of the portal and into a wall of noise.

"WHAT?" Marco shouted back.

In front of them was a club of some kind, the wood bearings and stonework still a far cry from Earth's, but the thumping music and crowds of shouting people left little to the imagination. Out front, a burly-looking doorman was leaning against the frame reading a newspaper. Kelly was walking towards him before Marco could even say anything.

"Uh, where are we?" He shouted again, and it was more difficult to hear his own voice, this time. Kelly looked back and mouthed something, but he couldn't tell what she said.

The doorman looked up as she approached and nodded to her, a fairly impressive feat seeing as he didn't seem to have much of a neck. He raised an eyebrow at Marco and they eyeballed each other, but Kelly took hold of his hoodie's sleeve and pulled him past.

Inside, the noise was just as impossibly intolerable. Aside from some magically-enhanced music emanating from a set of unplayed instruments in the corner, dozens of both humans and monsters were wandering around with drinks in their hands, bumping into one another, dancing, shouting, screaming, fighting, and generally only adding to the noise level. Marco felt like his ears were about to bleed.

Fortunately, it didn't last long, as Kelly pushed their way through to the bar, waved at the bartender (an enormous, extremely disgruntled purple squid) and pulled Marco into a closet behind it.

At least here, the music had died back down to a thump, though in the cramped, dark confines of a broom cupboard, Marco wasn't sure how they were supposed to find anything.

"Uh, Kelly?" He asked to the darkness.

Kelly, by the sounds of things, was rummaging around through the supplies in the closet, and a broom handle tumbled to the side before smacking Marco in the chest.

"Yah?" She returned.

"Why are we in a broom closet?"

"Because - ah, here it is!"

There was a grinding of wood on metal and a loud click, and the back of the closet suddenly slid open, revealing a long, torch-lit wooden passageway behind it.

"C'mon, let's go!" Kelly eagerly grabbed Marco by the hoodie again, pulling him along behind her.

As they walked, the music and sounds of partying faded, replaced by new shouting and a different kind of noise. Shouts, grunts, groans, and the crack of fists against flesh.

The tunnel opened up to the rambunctious display of a crowd surrounding a ramshackle cage fighting ring. The fences were dented, there were no chairs to be seen, and the mat looked less like a mat and more like a threadbare old rug put over a splintery wood platform. But judging from its occupants, there wasn't much to be guessed at.

A bulky, red-skinned minotaur and an enormous, overbuffed bipedal zebra were going at it as the crowd of onlookers cheered and screamed, punching, kicking and pounding on each other as they fought for dominance. Marco watched as the minotaur brought the zebra to the ground and jumped, landing his butt square on the zebra's chin with a deep shout that echoed throughout the arena. "BUTTSLAM!"

The zebra was dazed, and the crowd cheered and booed as an announcer declared the minotaur the winner. Kelly tugged at Marco's hoodie again and pointed towards a ticket booth in the back. "Over there."

A line at the booth quickly formed, angry and excited patrons brandishing wads of cash and fistfuls of coins, shouting about bets and wins. The counter attendant, a thoroughly unexcited looking goblin in a referee's shirt, brightened a bit as he saw Kelly's hair. The crowd itself parted as she approached, the frantic shouting immediately quieting down to a dark murmur.

"Kelly!" The goblin exclaimed brightly. "The ring's missed you! Are you and your friend here to take on the champs for old time's sake?"

Marco was returning the glares and stares of the crowd around them in kind, and gave Kelly a glance as he heard this.

"Not today, Charles," Kelly replied. Bending towards him, she lowered her voice. "We're looking for someone, actually," she continued. "Have you seen Star, lately?"

Charles scratched his head and shrugged. "Not since the last time you two were here. Oh, speaking of which…"

Charles pointed and Kelly found herself in a hulking shadow, turning to see that the enormous minotaur was standing just a _bit_ too close to comfort, glaring down at her while Marco peered around from behind his abs.

"Where's blondie?" The creature rumbled. "We've still got a score to settle from last time."

"Haven't talked to her in awhile," Kelly replied, sticking her chin up to act tough. "Looking for her, as a matter of fact. You seen her?"

"Maybe I haven't, maybe I have. How about we go a few rounds and you can try to make me tell you." The minotaur cracked his knuckles and took another step forward, his head-sized hoof landing only an inch from Kelly's foot. She didn't flinch.

Kelly caught Marco's eye and pointed up at her soon-to-be opponent. "You mind?" She asked.

Marco shrugged. "As long as _I'm_ not fighting him."

Kelly turned back to the minotaur. "You're on." She said. The crowd around her cheered in excitement.

* * *

A few minutes later, Kelly had her hair back in a ponytail and the minotaur and zebra were glaring at her from their side of the ring.

"So, what's with you and the big guy?" Marco asked as he helped wrap Kelly's hands.

Kelly returned the monster's glare for a moment before looking away. "Oh, we stole their tag-team trophy awhile back."

"So they're sore losers?" Marco pressed.

Kelly chuckled. "Nah, they cheated and won. We stole the trophy after the fight."

Before Marco could ask how one would "cheat" in a steel-cage arena, Charles came over the loudspeaker and the crowd's volume swelled as he announced the fight.

" **Ladies and gentlemonsters!"** The sound system blared. **"In the far corner, from East Mewni's forests, Hoofmouth and the Striped Stallion!"**

The crowd cheered and booed as the two stood up and flexed, evil grins revealing mouths that had probably never spoken the word 'dentist.'

" **And in the other corner, hailing from parts unknown, Kelly the Conqueror, and Marco 'Safe Kid' Diaz!"**

Kelly stood up and stepped into the ring, to a similar response as previously, but Marco pulled her back down. "I literally said 'as long as I'm not fighting them!'" He shouted over the noise.

Kelly shrugged. "Sorry! It's tag-team and I needed a partner!" She called back. "Just watch, it'll be over soon!"

Kelly and the Minotaur took their places on the other side of the ring, and the crowd called out: "TWO MONSTERS ENTER, ONE MONSTER LEAVES!"

Then a bell dinged, and Marco heard Charles' voice over the ruckus. **"Fight!"**

The minotaur charged forward with a roar, arms outstretched, and Kelly ducked between his legs before jumping up. Turning, she launched herself into his back, tackling him into the side of the cage.

There was cheering as the Minotaur shook her off. Seemingly unaffected, he pushed himself away from the wall before turning and slamming his fist towards her. Rather than dodge, she took the blow, to an "oooh!" from the crowd. To everyone's surprise, though, she held on as he retracted his fist and, as he swung it up to throw her off, planted a kick into his chin.

He staggered and snorted, and Kelly landed, rubbing her stomach gingerly before striking up a boxer's stance.

Minutes passed this way, the two trading blows, Kelly mostly dodging and landing light strikes while the Minotaur lumbered around and tried to knock her down.

Before long, both fighters were winded, Kelly wincing as she rotated her shoulder, having taken a few more heavy punches in quick succession. Her opponent was faring little better, a slew of light hits having finally taken their toll.

The crowd roared as he charged, and Kelly dodged before wrapping herself around his torso, about to bring him to the ground, when…

"Freaking cheaters!" She shouted as she was picked up by the zebra like a rag-doll, and thrown against the opposite wall. The fresh fighter was on her a moment later, lumbering forward in much the same way as his partner and grabbing her by the ankle as she scrambled away.

"No rules in the underground!" He roared, to the crowd's approval.

"That being the case…" Marco shook his head and muttered to himself. He'd been watching the fight, impressed at Kelly's fighting style but underwhelmed at her opponents. Standing up, he took to the ring for the first time, catching the zebra's amused attention.

Kelly kicked and punched fruitlessly against his frame. She was dangling upside down from where he held her ankle. "Oh ho ho!" He shouted, "'Safe Kid' wants to have a go!"

"I've beaten guys way bigger than you!" Marco called back.

" What do you think Hoofmouth, should we go easy on him?" The zebra called.

"Not likely." The minotaur's voice came from behind Marco, and he turned to find a pair of outstretched hands looking for his head. Marco reacted in a flash. Jumping up, he grabbed the bull by the horns, using his weight to pull the monster's face down to the mat with a loud bang.

The crowd went silent for a moment before going nuts, roaring their approval. The minotaur got up after a moment, dazed, and Marco took action again. Stepping up, he climbed onto the creature's oversized shoulders and grabbed him by the horns once again, throwing his legs out above him and pressing himself into the side of the cage.

"Stay - down!" He shouted, using all his strength to propel his opponent back into the floor, where he gave a mighty groan and then relaxed, unconscious.

The zebra's jaw dropped open, promptly smacked shut by a kick from Kelly's free leg. "I didn't know you could actually fight!" She shouted.

The zebra dropped her and backed into the corner as Marco advanced on him, Kelly close behind.

"Woah, woah, we can talk about this, fellas!" He said as he felt his back press against the fence. "You wanted to know where your friend was, right? Hoofmouth was just - he was just bluffing to get you into the ring! We haven't seen her, honest!"

Marco lunged forward with a kick and he countered, swinging wide as he tried to land a blow. Before he could, though, Kelly had intercepted, throwing his punch to the side as Marco knocked him back against the cage, and then down onto his knees.

"All we know, honest! I swear!" The zebra shouted as Marco and Kelly stood above him.

Marco shrugged. "Okay, thanks!"

Kelly planted her foot on the top of his head, knocking him out onto the mat like his partner. "That's for cheating."

The crowd roared as they left, and Marco shook his head, muttering about a waste of time when Kelly withdrew her scissors and cut another portal, gesturing him through.

* * *

Janna and Tom emerged from the caves along a long, winding path, miles away from where they'd entered. With both of them being able to fly, it'd been a cinch to move through the underground. Now that they were on the surface, though, Janna was beginning to wish she still had her hoodie.

Tom landed as soon as they emerged from the enormous set of tunnels, Janna following suit and shivering. The air from the caves had been cold, and the swamp in front of them wasn't much better - aside from stinking like a barnyard, the mist hovering over it stuck to her skin and it felt like she'd just stepped into a refrigerator.

"Seriously? Can the weather just make up its mind?" Janna asked, annoyed. Tom snapped his fingers to produce a small flame and shrugged.

"This swamp drains magic," he warned. "Something about some Mewmans who died here or something. So we're on foot for awhile."

Janna looked at the muddy green sludge at her feet, and tapped at it with her shoe - it had the rough consistency of jelly, and seemed to be about as sticky. "Great," she said. "Can't we just go around?"

"Nope, swamp's too big!" Tom was already 20 feet ahead of her, hopping between patches of land like a frog as the mist quickly obscured him. "Come with me, and don't get lost!" He called back.

Janna tapped at the sludge again before rolling her eyes in irritation, looking at the cave behind her, and bending down to take off her shoes. Opening a small portal with the scissors, she tossed them in with her phone, jumping her hand back as it snapped shut almost immediately.

"Right. Anti-magic," she reminded herself. Making to jump after Tom, she missed and found herself foot-deep in the swamp, immediately.

"Oh, and don't fall in!" Janna heard Tom's faint voice through the mist, as he'd long-since disappeared. "Stuff lives in the mud!"

"Great." Janna shook her foot off, stepped back up onto the island, and kept hopping.

* * *

Contrary to Tom's advice, Janna got lost almost immediately. He'd disappeared pretty much instantly, and she hadn't even been able to shout for him through the mist.

The fog itself was soupy and dense, carpeting the ground in a cold blanket. Combined with the periodic splashes into the mud that now covered her lower legs, Janna was cold, irritated, lost, and pretty much fed-up with her entire situation.

"Tom!" She shouted into the mist again as she hopped along. Near as she could tell, the best thing to do would be to keep moving in the direction she'd seen him disappear towards, but the swamp was making it hard. Aside from barely being able to see, the tiny islands of land were getting further and further apart.

As soon as the thought crossed her mind, she came to a "dead end." The next spurt of dry land was 15 feet away, a field of mud and swamp plants between her and her destination.

This stopped her for only a moment. Shrugging, she stepped down into the water and immediately sank up to her knees, shivering as she felt the slime creep up her legs.

"Tom!" She called again. "Seriously, if you're going to tell me to follow you, wait for me!"

To her somewhat surprise, she heard his voice from what sounded like miles away. "Janna!" He called. "Come find me!"

"Finally!" Janna said to no one in particular, relieved. She began to wade towards the sound, the plants around her getting thinner and thinner, and the mud getting deeper and deeper, no more dry land in sight.

Soon the swamp was above her knees, and she winced as it touched the hem of her skirt. Once again, she questioned the practicality of such a thing - before slipping and falling into the soup up to her shoulders.

Swimming now, she kept moving.

She strained her eyes to see through the curtain of white fog around her, to no effect. "T-T-Tom, wh-where are you?" She called. The mud was seriously cold.

"Janna!" Janna splashed as she was startled, before spitting out a bit of the mud as a result. The voice sounded like it'd come from ten feet away from her - but it also hadn't been Tom's. It sounded like…

"Marco?" She asked hesitantly into the fog. "What are you doing here?"

"Janna, this way!" She heard him again, this time distinctly to her right, and she swam towards him before finding a tiny cluster of rocks to climb back up onto.

Now on her island, she scraped some of the mud off of her arms, and looked around to find absolutely nothing but more mist in all directions.

"Marco?" She called again.

"Over here, Janna!" He called through the fog again, and she squinted to see that there was definitely something moving in the mist. _Something._

She stepped back into the mud before stopping herself. Marco wouldn't _be_ here. Taking a step back, she heard an ethereal shriek.

* * *

Tom, despite being the "guide," was faring little better. He'd managed to stay above the mud-level, at least, but he was pretty sure he'd passed that stump three times, now.

"Gah!" Shouting, he stretched out his hand, expecting a fireball to explode out and engulf the stump. Instead, a tiny stream of flame appeared, hardly reaching a foot before dissipating.

"I hate this place!" He exclaimed. West Mewni's swamp was one of the only places he'd ever felt cold, and for good reason - he could barely maintain the tiny flame between his fingers for warmth, nevermind the magic that normally kept him alive and toasty.

"Tom!" He heard his name through the mist, like Janna was 10 miles away. Of course, in this fog it could've just as easily been 100 feet.

"Janna, come find me!" He called back, stopping himself before he took a step into the mud towards her voice. He was _not_ going to swim through this gunk.

"Tom?"

Startled, he turned around at the voice, the flame on his hand going out despite his every effort to keep it going. That had sounded like…

"Tom, is that you?"

"Star?" Tom called hesitantly into the fog. "Star, is that you?"

"Tom, where are you?" She called back, worry in her voice. "I can't see you!"

Shaking his head as he utterly failed to reignite his tiny flame, he squinted into the fog. There was definitely something moving, just outside his field of vision.

"Star, don't move!" Tom shouted. "I'm coming to you!"

Abandoning the thought of avoiding swimming, he was waist-deep in the mud immediately, heading away from where he'd heard Janna, and straight towards Star's voice.

"Star, I'm coming!" He shouted.

* * *

Janna wasn't sure what she was seeing through the swamp, but judging from the shape and the scream, it wasn't human.

And judging from the other shapes around her, it definitely wasn't alone.

"Janna, come here!" She heard Jackie's voice this time.

"What's my last name?" She shouted back.

The mist stayed silent for a moment, before continuing.

"Janna, it's me!" Tom's voice called out, from a different direction. "I need your help!"

Squinting, Janna made out the form through a thin layer of the mist, and backed away towards the tallest point of her little rock. It looked… spidery.

"So that's what this is…" she muttered to herself. "Marco was iffy, but Jackie's not possible." If they had tried using Tom's voice first, they might have gotten her. With that in mind, she raised her voice. "Nice try, monster!" She called out into the fog. "Get lost!"

The shapes were getting closer in the fog, and she heard Tom's voice again. "Janna, quick!" He shouted to her. "They're getting close - come with me!"

Turning, there were just more circling figures - no sign of her guide.

"Yeah, okay…" she muttered, crouching at the top of the rock. The muck was still uncomfortably close, only a couple of feet away - if they all attacked at once, she wouldn't stand a chance.

There was a distant shout from further off, and she felt a sudden wave of heat hit her in the face. The monsters around her shrieked and receded a bit. She suspected they'd just found Tom.

* * *

"Star? Star, where are you!" Tom called into the fog, now up to his stomach in the mud. There - the mist stirred as she moved, just the vaguest shadow - but he kept moving, slipping up to his chest as he sunk even deeper. He'd never felt so cold, his already-pale skin turning white.

"Almost - there!" He gasped. The shape in the fog turned, and his eyes widened as he got a glimpse of what it was. Before he could react, though, he felt something wrap around his ankle, and he was dragged under the surface.

He barely had time to shout before he felt the mud pressing in on his face and eyes. It filled his ears and covered his nose, and he could barely close his mouth in time, swallowing what made its way inside. He quickly felt his head smack against the mushy bottom of the pond as whatever was around his ankle dragged him along.

Suddenly, there were sharp spines along one of his arms, and he yanked it away as something bit down. Trying desperately to summon a fireball, he was just getting colder - the swamp now offering a nice warmth compared to his own skin.

 _Yeah,_ he thought, defiantly. _This is_ _ **not**_ _how the prince of the underworld is gonna die._

Something bit down on his scalp, and he opened his mouth to shout, only for the mud to rush in. There was a tugging in skull - painful, like someone was pulling on a string attached to his brain - but also separate from the thing attached to his head.

Miraculously, he felt his body begin to warm up and glow, and as the pain intensified, he felt the warmth blast outwards in a gout of flame.

He barely had time to register that he was on the ground, which was suddenly dry and cracked. His eyes were still caked shut by dirt, but he felt the thing on his head suddenly let go, and he concentrated on the tendril around his ankle - it incinerated in an instant.

The mud in his mouth had evaporated - no, disintegrated into dust, and he let out a defiant, otherworldly roar before passing out.

* * *

Janna covered her ears with mud-covered hands as the creatures around her screamed - and then all at once, charged.

She got a glimpse of one, and that was all she needed - it best resembled a six-legged spider, skating along the lake, a pale, fleshy, grotesque body and four-eyed head held aloft by legs that seemed to be composed of a forest of hands -

"Levitato!" She said on instinct, Tom's word's flashing through her mind - _anti-magic swamp._

To her surprise, then, she flew upwards as easily as ever, the creatures below her - of which there were now half a dozen - all crashing into the rock she'd been standing on, pulverizing it.

"Of course!" She called in frustration. The creatures looked up at her in confusion and she glared back down. " _Incendio directum_!" She shouted. A ball of flames erupted from her hands and down into the face of one of the creatures, causing them all to shriek again as it receded into the water.

"When someone tells you that your magic won't work, try it anyway!" She reprimanded herself before launching another fireball.

The rest jumped for her, and she flew higher - only to see that they were tethered to the mud, fleshy cords attached to their hindquarters.

"So, those are…" Janna muttered. "Ah, got to find Tom!"

Flying above the mist for the first time, she saw that it was a nearly solid carpet below her, stretching towards the horizon in all directions. Fortunately, Tom's location wasn't hard to find. A circular hole had been punched in the foggy canopy, only a few hundred feet away.

Swooping down into it, she saw that Tom was even worse off than she was in the mud department. His face and body were entirely coated in cracking dust, and he wasn't moving. Where he was laying, though, was even more interesting. The mud around him had been repelled, and then quickly dried - he was laying in a crater of dry dirt, nearly 20 feet below the rest of the swamp.

Swooping down, Janna grabbed him by the shoulders and hauled him up into the air just as the earthen barricade broke, a horde of the spider-things breaking through and screaming their defiance.

Janna looked back as she swooped up and away. An enormous _thing_ had breached the fog, like the centipede they'd fought earlier, except the spider-things were branching off like leaves on a tree. There were hundreds, maybe even thousands, all reaching out and grasping for her.

"Janna!" Marco's voice thundered into her ears, desperate, angry, hurt - "Janna, come back!"

Janna didn't go back.

* * *

Marco and Kelly stepped through their final portal, back onto a Mewnian mountainside.

Marco, for his part, was sporting a hat with a Goblin Dogs logo on it, and a new shirt with a ferris wheel and a slogan: 'I visited the Interdimensional Carnival and all I got was this t-shirt.' Kelly was holding a ball of cotton candy, which she took an eager bite of while the two laughed.

"Well, Star wasn't there but that sure was fun!" Marco took a bundle of Kelly's candy and tossed it into his mouth as Kelly nodded in agreement. "Thanks for the stuff, by the way," he continued, gesturing to his attire.

Kelly shrugged. "No big!" She said. "Sorry for making you fight a giant zebra."

"You kidding?" Marco asked. "Today's been awesome."

Looking out over a scenic vista, Maroc thought he caught a flash of light at the foggy base of their mountainside, but it was gone in moments.

"So," he sat down and dangled his feet over the cliffside, and Kelly joined him. "What's so special about this place?"

"Oh, Star used to bring Tom up here when he got too overheated," Kelly laughed. "Got tired of him burning out the cave, I guess."

Marco looked around - sure enough, there were a pair of lawn chairs, a mini-fridge and an ice freezer in a corner, all disused.

"Well, she's not here." Marco stated the obvious. "Should we go?"

Kelly shrugged and withdrew a soda from her hair before popping the top and taking a swig. "May as well wait for Tom and the other one, they're definitely coming here last."

Marco sat back and watched - it was mid afternoon now, the 4:00 sun just beginning to consider setting in the distance.

"What was Star like?" He asked. Kelly set her soda down and thought.

"Bubbly." She said. "Determined. Cheerful. Didn't like responsibility. Suited me fine."

She picked up the can and inspected it before taking another drink. "Y'know she was the one who found me? There's a cave at the base of this mountain. Used to be my home. Star found me there when she was exploring with Tom. We hit it off, and the rest is history."

Marco looked at her oddly. "You live in a cave?"

" _Lived_ in a cave," Kelly corrected. "Now I rent a place. Speaking of which…"

Reaching into her hair again, she withdrew their prize money from the arena, which she divided before giving a share to Marco. "Rent money," she explained. "Thanks, again, for fighting. Those guys had it coming."

Marco set the cash with the rest of his stash in his sock. How weird was it that they'd been able to get paid in USD?

"Don't mention it."

They sat there for another few minutes like that, enjoying the view, before Kelly squinted down the mountainside and pointed. "Hey, does that look like..."

Marco followed her gaze and saw what she was pointing at - a gaggle of monsters, about a dozen, sporting backpacks and climbing towards them. He could hear distant shouting, now, too -

"Come on, you call that climbing? I can climb better in sleep! How you expect to serve in Monster Army if you can't do this?"

The voice sounded familiar, and sure enough, Jackie's frog friend was scaling the mountain above the monsters, bounding from slope to slope like a mountain goat while his followers gasped and cried.

"Ludo." Kelly said darkly, and tossed her empty soda can into the back of the cave before cracking her knuckles. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

Marco stood up and stretched. "Why not? Got some time to kill before Tom gets here anyways."

* * *

When Tom awoke, the first thing he realized was that he was wet. The second thing he realized was that he could use his magic again, which he quickly used to boil the water left on his skin and clothes.

The third thing he realized was that his head was absolutely _pounding._

"Hey," Janna said, looking up from her phone next to him.

"Owwww," Tom replied, sitting up and rubbing his scalp. "What happened?"

Janna shrugged. "Monster stuff."

A steady river was flowing next to them, babbling happily against the shoreline, and Tom wished he could get it to shut up. "Why was I wet?" He asked.

"You were all dusty, so I dunked you in the river." Janna stated simply. She still hadn't looked up from her phone.

"Uh, thanks?"

"Don't mention it."

"What about you?"

Janna smirked as she thought about the state she'd left her home shower in, and kept looking for a cleaning spell as her mother's furious future reaction screeched through her mind. "Portalled home, took a bath."

Tom looked around again. "Hang on, how'd we get here?" He asked.

"I flew us," Janna said simply. She set her phone back in her pocket, annoyed. "And by the way, my magic worked _fine_ in the swamp. Don't tell me it doesn't work if you don't know. Took forever to get all the mud off…"

Tom stood up and winced. "Owww," he muttered. "Everything hurts. And speak for yourself," he told her. "Sure didn't work for me."

"You did summon a giant fireball," Janna pointed out, trying to take the bite out of her voice. "Can't exactly say that, either."

"Internal magic," Tom said. "Almost killed me."

"Internal magic?" Janna asked.

"Yeah, it's, uh…" Tom scratched his head and groaned. "Oww. I've got a headache, ask later."

Looking up, he pointed to the summit of a nearby mountain. "Last spot's up there." He said. "Star used to take me up there when… well, nevermind that." He blushed, and Janna smirked.

"You don't have to say it, loverboy." She said, and Tom fumbled.

"What? No, I meant -"

"Don't want to know!" Janna interrupted, still suppressing a giggle. "You okay to fly?"

Tom stretched his arms and reached for the sky, hovering for a few seconds before clutching his head and touching the ground again. "Actually, that took a lot out of me. Could you…?"

Janna shrugged. "Sure. Levitato!"

Before long they were floating up towards the mountainside, and Janna looked down with Tom at the swirling mist of the swamp, miles behind them. He was right - it was enormous, stretching off into the horizon. The fog even reached into the sky, albeit much more thinly. The creature hadn't followed them, fortunately, but…

"I thought I saw Star." Tom said, sadly. "I knew that thing lived there but I thought I saw her, and everything else stopped mattering."

Janna flew in silence. She'd heard Marco, and Jackie, later. But she'd _known_ they couldn't have been there. What would've happened if they'd been with her…?

She was broken out of her reverie by Tom's direction. "There," he pointed above them.

As they flew up, Janna caught a glimpse of Buff Frog, carrying some battered and bruised monsters down the mountainside. "What the…" She wondered aloud, before spotting their target. Marco and Kelly were sitting on a ledge overlooking the mountainside, dangling their legs as they chatted.

Janna landed with her partner and Marco stood up while Kelly waved. "You guys see the monsters?" Janna asked.

"Taken care of." Marco said proudly, and Janna looked at his gear. He looked like a tourist.

"Fun day?"

"Yeah! We fought monsters, went to a carnival, went and got hot dogs, fought more monsters…" Marco reminisced. "What about you?"

Janna thought on her response before replying. "About the same."

Marco snorted. "Bet our cotton candy was better."

Janna thought of the swamp monster and shivered. "Probably."

"Find anything?" Tom asked Kelly as he sat down next to her.

Kelly shrugged, reached into her hair and offered him a soda. "Nope. You?"

Tom sighed. "Nothing. Can't say I was surprised, but still…"

* * *

A few hours later, sitting in the corner booth of the Barberry Bros diner, Janna, Marco and Jackie dug into a full-sized, freshly-heated pie - a welcome reprieve from the bitter, mid-60s southern-california winter outside. The sun was setting outside as Janna relayed the details of their day to Jackie, while Marco sat as far away from his crush as possible, intent on avoiding eye contact.

"So yeah, it was pretty much a total bust." Janna said through a mouthful of cherries. "Although Tom was pretty cool though…"

Trailing off and setting down her fork to think, neither Jackie nor Marco noticed - one now single-mindedly intent on shovelling food into her mouth, the other dead-set on shrinking down small enough to escape into the lining of the booth bench.

"Hey, Marco," Janna asked suddenly. "What's it like to have a crush?"

Marco glanced at Jackie before returning his hardened stare to the plate in front of him. "Uh, I don't know!" He piped, before gobbling down a few bites of his slice.

"I mean, have you ever known someone where you just wanna… bury your face in their chest and inhale?" Janna gestured vainly with her fork. "Just, y'know, hypothetically."

Marco choked on his pie and slammed his fist into the table as he gasped for air. Jackie looked up from her own plate, now empty, concerned, and Marco gave her a quick glance before seemingly forgetting about his need to breathe altogether. "Nope!" He choked out, high-pitched and squeaking.

"Hmm." Patting her friend on the back, Janna looked out the window as she thought about things. Despite herself, she was pretty sure that Marco was lying.

* * *

 **Let's see, author's notes…**

 **Oh! Did you know we'd originally planned to show Kelly and Marco visiting the carnival, too? This was… this was originally gonna be a really long chapter.**

 **How do you like our version of Kelly? We don't know that much about her 'official' version yet, so, like Janna, I expect she'll be a bit different. You may notice a lack of Tad. We're not sure if we've cut him completely. We did find that introducing him here was resulting in some… crowding.**

 **Speaking of Kelly, we quite like her. You can head over to our tumblr (therussohousehold)dottumblr(dotcom) to see more on what our version of her character is, and how she's come to be. Short answer: think Terra, from Teen Titans. It'll be good. Probably.**

 **How about the monsters? Our version of Mewni's no vacation spot, that's for sure.**

 **Comment responses… we've been replying to these on our tumblr, but here's some quick ones:**

 **Imhere4svtfoe: Thanks for such an in-depth series of reviews! It's** _ **insanely**_ **helpful to know what people think as they read through the story, and we've not received such in-depth, universal feedback from one person before. Well, not at all at once, definitely. You already know this, but I've replied to some of your points individually over on the tumblr. Not putting it here because it's quite a large block of text. Thanks, again!**

 **Nico87: We're glad that you're still here reading and enjoying the story! One of our biggest concerns this season is making sure that we keep in touch with the goofy roots of both the show, and the early chapters of the story, so it's nice to see people who've enjoyed both the beginning and the most recent updates.**

 **Guest: Isn't River goofy? I'm not sure what it is about Mewni that makes people fundamentally misunderstand such concepts as "towels" (don't they have those?) but it's sure entertaining to write. Also, that realm** _ **wasn't**_ **the magic dimension. Probably. Maybe. I mean, it might be. Okay, to be honest we're not sure where it was yet, either, but we have plans for it! No random throwaway plot-devices except for the occasional intermission, promise.**

 **OMACOO1: Heh, I was wondering of people would think Heinous was the hotel manager. Nope! Same archetype of character, though. Maybe a little bit more Minerva McGonagall-ey.**

 ** _On the next episode of Jay vs the Eff Of Eee:_ Deciding that she's had enough time to rest, The Janitor declares war on Janna for all she's done. As it turns out, though the dimensions may be different, the janitorial code is universal. Will Marco help Janna escape the living horrors that the Janitor has planned, or stand by, as his beloved mentor carries out his 'justice?'**

 **Find out next time, on the next episode: Janitorial Justice!**


	22. S2 Chapter 2: Janitorial Justice

**Hello! We're not dead. Here's a chapter. Thanks for your patience! Stick around for the author's notes at the bottom. This week, Janna gets harassed by a series of janitors.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"I'm just saying, winter break should last _all_ winter!" Grumbled Janna. She stepped off the bus with Marco. As would be expected for the middle of January, it was cold and windy.. "I should sue the school for false advertising..."

"That's not what false advertising is, Janna." Marco corrected, stepping off after her. "Besides, I'd rather be at school than running for my life from a group of bipedal sharks or something."

Most of the students were rushing to classrooms around them as the biting winds forced popped collars and hoods. Marco gave Jackie her nod as she skated by, and she took care to send one back to him - even though her fluffy ski-jacket's hood made it hard to turn her head.

While Janna rummaged through their shared locker, Marco took a familiar, very crumpled slip of paper out of his pocket and examined it. Ishkilthul's riddle was troubling him more and more as time went on.

Janna saw him looking and interrupted his thoughts. "You're still thinking about that thing?"

"I feel like I'm missing something!" Marco replied. "Like, there's the solution, right there, but I just don't know enough!"

Janna shrugged and withdrew her notebook. "Well, we still don't even know exactly what happened when Star disappeared." She reasoned. "So we don't really even have the _start_ of the puzzle."

After their adventure last week, the two had taken a break from the dimension-hopping for a bit, but River's continued pestering had kept Star on their minds.

Marco reached into the locker and withdrew his own notes, slamming the door shut behind him. Janna thumbed through hers and rolled her eyes. Marco could see why - every single page of her notebook was covered in doodles, writing, scribbles or ideas for magic stuff. Tossing it towards a trash can (and missing), Janna gestured to Marco. "C'mon, I need to get a new notebook."

The bell toned above their heads as they walked, what few students remaining in the halls quickly dispersing as they ran to their homeroom.

"You have your _own locker?"_ Marco joked as they walked up. He still remembered when the Janitor had shown him its insides, weeks ago - absently, he wondered if Janna had even opened it since then.

"Don't look." She warned, and spun the combination on the dial after the hallway cleared.

Marco chortled. "Why, is it bright pink?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

Whatever Janna was going to say was cut off when the locker opened, and a precariously-placed textbook fell out, landing on her foot with a bang.

Pain shot up her leg and she shouted in pain while Marco looked at her in disbelief. "You seriously -?" He stopped himself before giving away his secret.

Janna rubbed her foot and looked up at him ruefully. "Seriously what?"

"Nothing," Marco saved. "Must be a mess for something like that to happen."

Janna threw the textbook back up into the locker and withdrew a blank notebook, slamming the door shut behind her. "Definitely not. It must be a conspiracy."

Marco chuckled before seeing she was serious. "Well…" he began.

Above them, the second bell rang, meaning that they were now officially late for class.

"Aaand now we're tardy." Marco rolled his eyes. "Janna, you made me late!"

"Oh gosh, the sky is falling!" Janna mocked, before taking a step towards Skullnick's class. "Whatever dude, let's just go."

Turning, Marco glanced down and quickly sidestepped a wet patch on the floor, "Janna, watch -"

"Oof! Ow…"

Too late.

Marco gave her a hand up and she rubbed her backside, looking at the puddle in annoyed confusion. "What the heck? This wasn't here a second ago."

She took a step and her leg flew out from under her again, putting her back onto her back. "OW!"

Standing up again, she was thoroughly annoyed, her clothes now damp and cold.

"Drying-gust-dust-cloud!"

A dust-filled breeze flew down the hallway and Janna sighed as her clothes were quickly dried and warmed. The dust cleared, though, and she realized that she might've caused other problems. Namely, that everything except her was now coated in golden-brown dirt. Marco included, who was glaring at her.

"Uh, my bad." Janna said. Clearing her throat, she readied another spell. "Clean-green-tornado-mist!"

A lime-green tornado spun down the hall now, removing the dust in moments, but knocking over all the trash cans and scattering their contents in the process.

What's more, as they quickly found out - it was wet.

Marco continued to glare, now dust-free but sticky with water.

"Oh." Janna said. She was cold and damp again. Back to square one. "Hmm. Oh, I know!" She opened her mouth and a voice called from the end of the hall:

"STOP!"

"Yeah, seriously!" Marco exclaimed, and Janna looked down the hall at the source of the command. Stepping out of the shadows, it was revealed to be the school's janitor, wearing a glare that would've made Skullnick uneasy.

Behind him, it was revealed that he wasn't alone. There was the bus driver, the cafeteria woman, the school librarian and half a dozen other people that Janna didn't recognize.

"Um…" Janna smirked and put a hand on her hip. "Problem, guys?"

"Janna Russo!" The Janitor called. He and his followers approached, and Marco's neck tingled. _Danger!_

Withdrawing a sheet of paper, the Janitor began to read.

"For crimes against the custodial and server professions," he declared loudly, "you have been sentenced to retribution in kind, beginning today!"

Marco stepped between them immediately. "Janitor, listen." he intervened, "We're kinda in the middle of something, and we're late for class! Can't this wait awhile longer? What did Janna do, anyways?"

The Janitor held out a hand, and the lunch-lady behind him set a notebook into his palm - the same one that Janna had thrown away, but missed, only a minute ago.

Then, he cleared his throat, and allowed the paper he was holding to fully unfold into a list that fell to nearly his knees.

"Janna has been sentenced in our fashion, for crimes which include: Defacing her desk - multiple counts. An unsanitary locker - multiple counts. Excessively muddy shoes - multiple counts - including currently."

At this, Marco looked down at Janna's feet. She had, in fact, tread through the mud at some point, and was leaving dirty footprints behind her.

The Janitor continued. "Littering - multiple counts. Lunchroom thievery - multiple counts. Bus bench graffiti and sabotage - multiple counts. Defacing the school's opossum statue, multiple counts, with pictures provided."

He reached into his pocket and withdrew several photos of the statue in question, and handed the bundle to Marco, who thumbed through them. Sure enough, there were pictures of drawn mustaches, slogans, slurs about the school, and more. He looked up at Janna, unimpressed, and she shrugged.

"What?" She said. "It got _so boring_ around here before I found the book."

The Janitor, however, was not done.

"Vandalizing library books - multiple counts. Disrupting classroom lectures - multiple counts. Sabotaging water fountains - multiple counts." He began to look down the list, and it unfolded further, sparking Marco's annoyance.

"Janna!" He said, indignant. "Is there anything you _haven't_ done?"

"It's not like I've been peeing in the sinks!" Janna shot back, interrupting the Janitor before he could continue. "And most of this stuff happened months ago!"

Then, she rounded on the Janitor as he folded the list of grievances back up. "Besides, it's your _job_ to clean the school isn't it? That's what you get paid for?"

The Janitor tensed, and the others behind him growled and glowered at her. Marco put a hand on her shoulder, and tried to stop her. "Uh, Janna, maybe you shouldn't-"

Janna shrugged his hand off and continued. "You," she pointed to the lunchlady. "It's your job to serve kids food, what does it matter if I take an extra portion every once and awhile? And you, you're the librarian, it's your job to erase graffiti out of the books!"

"Is it my job to replace the books that you tore pages out of?" The librarian shot back.

"I gave the pages back!" Janna argued. "And besides, it's not like you're replacing them out of your own pocket!"

The Janitor tightened his grip on his mop, and Marco pulled Janna away from him. He'd never seen the man so visibly angry. He and his cabal withdrew various instruments of their positions - a spatula, a book stamp, a mop, and so on.

Marco put himself between his friend and his former mentor. "Dude, seriously, she didn't mean it!" He exclaimed.

Behind him, Janna butted in again from over his shoulder. "Oh no, I meant it!"

"Marco, move. Justice will be done." The Janitor made to push his apprentice aside, but Marco didn't budge.

"Seriously, there are other ways to work this out!"

Before things could escalate further, though, there were footsteps around the corner of the hall, and the lunch-lady muttered "someone's coming! Scatter!"

The group was gone in a flash, just in time for Jackie Lynn Thomas to appear at the end of the hall. She waved at Marco and Janna, a bathroom pass hanging around her neck. "Hey guys!" She exclaimed. "What's up?"

* * *

Janna's morning passed uneventfully, though she kept her eyes on the floors to make sure she wasn't sabotaged. Marco also insisted on checking her desk before she sat down in homeroom, much to Skullnick's irritation.

By the time lunch rolled around, though, she'd nearly forgotten about the morning's confrontations. She caught an extra-large scowl from the lunchlady as a helping of mashed potatoes was dumped onto her lunch tray, but the woman had never been the friendliest to any of the students to begin with - so she paid it little mind.

Sitting down at her table with Marco, she was barely a bite into her food when Marco went wide-eyed and smacked the fork from her hands. The potatoes on her plate exploded in her face only a moment later, covering it.

She wiped it all off quickly, but not much was left of her lunch. She barely heard Marco's offer to share his own, instead catching the eye of the Janitor. He was standing at the edge of her vision in a corner of the cafeteria, before he disappeared back into a janitor's closet.

Jackie sat down a moment later, and Janna snapped back to herself, refusing Marco's offered portion and instead focusing on getting potato out of her hair.

"So did your food attack you, or was it just _that bad?"_ Jackie joked, before digging into her own lunch.

"A Janitor and some other people declared revenge on me for having to clean up after me all the time." Janna angrily admitted. She fished out a particularly bothersome clump of mush and flicked it onto her tray.

Jackie snorted in laughter around her sandwich, before catching Janna's expression and sobering up. "You serious?" She asked. Janna nodded. Jackie looked around her friend at Marco, who was also picking small bits of Janna's residual lunch off of his hoodie. "What'd she do?" She asked.

"Lots of things." Marco answered, and reflected on this statement. "Actually, pretty much everything short of breaking windows."

"Well…" Janna added, and Marco rolled his eyes.

Jackie went back to her lunch. "So have you tried… apologizing?"

"That's what I said!" Marco exclaimed, and Janna frowned.

"Apologizing for what?" She asked, seemingly completely past the fact that her lunch had just exploded all over her. "It's their _job_. I haven't done anything wrong!"

"They sure don't seem to think so," Jackie returned. She gave a moment of thought to all of Janna's misdemeanors over the years. They'd been happening less frequently ever since she'd started hanging out with Marco, but thinking further back… she could definitely see why a janitor would be angry.

* * *

That afternoon, school let out and Janna had all but forgotten the cabal after her (again). A dimensional rip opened in front of the school, and most students skirted far around it, but otherwise paid it little mind.

Marco and Janna, though, stopped as Kelly stepped through.

"Ready to go?" With that, she ushered them back to Mewni with a bow. In moments, they found themselves in the courtyard of an enormous cathedral, stone arches stretching above their heads.

"Mewni's Library of Knowledge!" Kelly introduced them to the building with a grandiose flair, though Janna was unimpressed.

"Oh joy." Janna cheered in a monotone voice. "Now I can be bored to tears in another dimension…" she left off and headed inside. Marco shrugged at Kelly, and they followed.

Inside, it looked quite a bit more like a conventional college library, with a front counter, study hall and even a small bay of crystal balls in place of computers.

The woman sitting at the counter looked up when they entered. She was grey-haired but lively, and her eyes sparkled. "New minds!" She cried, then quickly shushed herself. "Welcome to Mewni's greatest repository of knowledge! I'm the librarian."

"We're looking for books on time." Kelly whispered to her, and the librarian gestured for them to follow. Janna trailed behind, and opened her phone.

Meaning to browse her spellbook out of boredom while she walked, she brushed Glossaryck (and his game) aside, and he popped out of the screen in his typical meditative pose, a moment later.

"Ooooh," He said, staring around at the shelves of books. "The Mewni Library of Knowledge." He took a quick inhale through his nose. "Smells just like I remember it."

"Looking for a book on time," Janna explained, and Glossaryck snapped a finger at her.

"Smart."

Before they could talk any further, they were interrupted by a pronounced throat-clearing. looking up from her phone to see that the librarian was glaring at her. She raised an eyebrow, and the librarian put a finger to her lips.

"Ssh!"

Janna rolled her eyes, and Glossaryck hovered in next to her ear. "You know," he muttered, "If you're still interested in getting a wand, you could research what happened to Earth's…"

Janna nodded, and the librarian sat Marco and Kelly at a table before reaching for books from nearby shelves. "Oh, a Brief Index of Multiverse History…" she muttered, piling them onto the table. "A Crease In Space… The Mewnian Evolutionary Odyssey…"

Before long, a small pile had formed, which Kelly divided up between her and Marco. "That ought to get you started," the librarian finished with a smile, and Janna tugged on her sleeve.

"I'm looking for a history of Earth Magic." She whispered. Despite this, the librarian shushed her anyways, her smile vanishing.

She looked Janna over, and sighed. "Fine. Come with me."

Much more quickly than before, she disappeared back into the shelves, and Janna followed while her friends dug into their reading material.

She was just able to catch glimpses of the librarian's ankles and hair as she wove between the shelves, but it seemed like every time she was close to catching up, her target sped up.

Finally, she turned a corner and found that the librarian was gone.

"Great." She muttered, and began looking through a nearby selection of index-cards when another pair of hands intercepted.

"Staff only!" The librarian had suddenly reappeared, putting the cards back into their box and snapping the case shut.

"Fine, can you show me, then? Slower, this time?"

The librarian looked at her. "Show you? Show you what?"

"The books on the history of Earth!" Janna said, frustrated, and the librarian shushed her again. She walked off in a huff, and Janna stomped her foot before following.

The librarian glanced behind her and sped up again, but Janna wasn't going to be left behind this time. After a few turns they were both sprinting, though Janna was quite a bit faster than the old woman.

After turning a final corner, the librarian confronted her. "Why are you following me?" She snapped.

"Because I need you to show me where the books I'm looking for are!" Janna shouted, infuriated, and the librarian pinched her lips shut.

"Well, I'm on break." The old woman crossed her arms defiantly and sat down in a nearby chair.

Janna's face turned red and she restrained herself from attacking. Glossaryck tugged her shoulder and pointed into another collection of shelves, and she clenched her teeth and turned away.

By her mentor's guidance, she found the section she'd been looking for - thankfully, it was clearly labelled. Glossaryck disappeared back into her phone. Looking through the shelf, she stopped at one book - Royal Bloodlines of the Earth Dimension _._

Unfortunately, as soon as she reached for it, her rump was slammed with a book-cart, knocking her out of the way, and the librarian was there again, pulling it off of the shelf.

"I need that!" Janna shouted, and the librarian glared at her. When Janna tried to reach for the tome, she found her hand swatted away.

"Fine!" She groaned, and reached for another promising title. That one, too, was snatched out of her hands.

"What is your deal?!" Janna exclaimed, and the librarian allowed a smug smirk to cross her face. "Isn't it your _job_ to help people find books?"

"Justice will be done," The librarian grinned, and then held up her fingers. "And that's your third noise strike. SECURITY!"

Her bellow rang out through the library, and a pair of ethereal hands lifted Janna up under her arms, quickly carting her to the exit.

* * *

Several hours later, she was still sitting at a bench waiting while the sun set above her, before the front doors clicked open and Marco and Kelly emerged, each carrying a huge stack of books.

"Oh hey Janna!" Marco said from behind his pile. "How'd your thing go?"

"Scissors."

Kelly whipped her hair and the handle of her scissors emerged, which Janna used to cut open a portal home without a word. Tossing the scissors back into Kelly's head, Janna stepped through, and Marco shrugged at Kelly. "Same time Thursday?"

Kelly nodded. "There's other places we can go too."

Making sure the top of his pile didn't catch the lip of the portal, Marco stepped through as well, and it snapped shut behind him.

* * *

The days went by, and by Thursday, Janna was dreading getting out of bed for well beyond the usual reasons. The Janitor's attacks had increased in timing and effectiveness, ranging from sabotaging her pens to waterlogging her homework to disabling sinks while she was using them.

There were nearly a dozen a day now, ready to happen at any time.

When her alarm rang, she covered her head with her pillow and groaned.

Marco, meanwhile, wasn't ready to stand by and do nothing. He was on campus while Janna was still trying to blot out the outside world, and found the Janitor as he was unlocking his usual closet, with no other students in sight. He looked at Marco in mild surprise.

"Good morning, Marco." He greeted. "Come to help me with the morning mopping?"

Opening the door, he revealed two buckets and mops, and shrugging, Marco took one of them.

As usual, the school's floors were filthy, not helped by the wind and rains of winter. They got to work, and rather than following the routine that they'd once had during Marco's detention stint, the safe kid broke the silence immediately.

"Janitor, I think you should lay off Janna." He said. "She doesn't deserve what you're doing to her."

The Janitor didn't even pause. "I suspected that's why you decided to visit. The answer is no. A thousand cuts demand a thousand in return. Russo has a toll to pay."

"She's a good person!" Marco protested, before catching an unamused look from the Janitor. "Sort of. But either way, she's my friend - doesn't that count for anything?"

Kneeling down, the Janitor righted a trash can, withdrew his book of student names, and wrote a new one in. Then he picked up his mop again, and held it out to Marco.

"You see this Marco?" He asked. "This is my new mop." Letting the end fall back to the floor, the janitor resumed mopping.

"It's an alright mop. I've definitely had better ones, but I'll take what I can get."

"What does this have to do with-" Marco asked, before being cut off.

"Because life is like a mop." The Janitor said as he worked. "Sometimes it gets full of dirt, bugs, and hairballs, and when that happens, you've got to clean it out. You've got to rinse it off, and start all over again." To emphasize his point he wrung his mop out and dipped it into the bucket, before returning it to the floor.

"And sometimes the garbage of the world sticks to the floor so bad, that the mop just isn't good enough," he continued. "Sometimes you've just got to get down in there with a toothbrush, and really scrub. Because you've got to get it off - no one else is going to do it. It's not going to fix itself."

"And sometimes, even that's not enough." He reached down and picked up a milk carton before tossing it into the garbage. He was going faster now, and Marco was struggling to keep up. "And when that happens, you've got to act out. You have to do something - you have to say, 'these floors are filthy, and it's only going to get worse. And my mop isn't going to take this abuse.'"

He stopped mopping and looked Marco dead in the eyes. "Not anymore."

* * *

Another day passed, Janna's attitude growing more sour by the hour as the Janitor's continued sabotage attacked her life. With a sigh of relief, she found herself on the front steps of the academy with Marco, and for the second time, a portal opened for them as they waited.

Kelly stepped through a moment later. "So this is Earth, huh?" She said, taking a moment and looking around this time. "It's got nice... buildings."

Janna, still nursing a bruise from her broken-down desk in her last period, stepped through without a word. The other two made to follow before Jackie ran up behind them.

"I _love_ your hair," she told Kelly, and Marco immediately clammed up beside her. "Can I come with you guys?"

"Uhhh… why? Also, who are you?" Kelly asked suspiciously.

"Well, Marco and Janna are always doing cool magic stuff," Jackie reasoned, "and I thought I'd tag along for once, if that's okay. Also, I'm Jackie."

She extended her hand to Kelly, who shook it. "Marco, Janna, you know this girl?" The traveler asked. Marco nodded and Janna stuck her head back through the portal.

"Jackie? Yeah, I guess she can come if she wants."

Kelly shrugged, and Jackie did a fist-pump. "Yes! Magical adventure time."

She and Kelly stepped through the portal, and Janna pulled the still-paralyzed Marco in behind them.

On the other side was a quaint, obviously Mewnian village, with stone cobbled buildings lining similarly-paved streets. A guard station had been set up nearby, with the monsters manning it shouting "hey! No unlicensed portals!"

Kelly paid them no mind, and wove through the throngs of Mewmans and monsters with a practiced foot. Janna, Marco and Jackie followed, rather less fluently - but Kelly's enormous bush of hair was hard to lose.

"Reminds me of a ren-fair!" Jackie exclaimed. Her head felt like it was on a swivel, and Marco stuttered a response.

"Yeah, it's uh, a lot less destroyed then the last town we went to! Heh heh…"

As they walked, a familiar enormous building came into view - the same library they'd been to earlier in the week, though from a different angle this time.

"Weren't we already here?" Janna asked, and Marco thought back to the giant pile of books that were still sitting in his room.

"The Mewni Library is actually an infinite number of parallel libraries." Kelly explained. "You find a new one depending on the direction you come from and the number of calories in the meal you had for lunch."

"I only had a salad, is that bad?" Jackie interjected, and Kelly shrugged.

They opened the front doors to the building to find that it had indeed shifted pretty dramatically from how it had been before - organized, modern bookshelves having been completely replaced by towering monoliths, somewhat normal-looking denizens totally replaced by worm-creatures like nothing anyone had ever seen. Six legs propelled fat, tubular bodies, while six arms held various books and four eyestalks drank in the knowledge.

"Oh, hello!" A friendly, if nasally voice chirped in their direction, and as the doors closed behind them, they looked to the side to see one of the worm-creatures slither over. He had a shock of greasy hair atop his eyestalks and a smile on his face.

"Welcome to the Bookworm Library!" He exclaimed. "Anything I can help you find, today?"

"Yeah, we're looking for books on time?" Kelly explained, and the worm stroked an eyestalk thoughtfully.

"Books on time!" He said. "What a complex and interesting subject. History, astrophysics, dimensional theory, divination. Sorta like asking for books on… um… magic."

Glossaryck emerged from Janna's pocket and tugged on her sleeve to catch her attention, before nodding meaningfully. Janna returned the nod.

"Anywhere in particular you're looking to start?" The worm continued.

Marco had a spark of inspiration and withdrew the riddle from his pocket, which he handed to the worm as Jackie wandered off. "We're trying to find a way to… stop it." He said.

The worm scanned the riddle and scratched his head. "Well, that's not supposed to be possible." He said, "And if it was I certainly wouldn't think it'd be healthy for anyone. Still, we might have something you can look at…"

Muttering to himself, he skittered away with the rest following. Jackie reemerged next to them a moment later, already carrying a small book.

As they walked, the library continued to stretch out in front of them - pulleys and levers propelling platforms manned by yet-more worms, allowing access to the higher-up shelves, some of which disappeared up several stories.

Arriving in a small reading area, the party sat down as the librarian went to fetch material. He returned after a moment with a small stack of thin paperbacks, depositing them on the table and standing by. "Sorry," he said. "This is mostly the light reading section. Small, digestible knowledge keeps us civilized. Time-space theory would be near the back - but you don't want to go there."

Kelly opened one of the magazines and started flipping, but Jackie looked intrigued. "Why can't we go there?" She asked.

"Oh, um…" the worm scratched an eyestalk uncomfortably. "It's not really safe. The neighbors are, um… unfriendly."

"Well, that sounds like where we need to go." Jackie stated, and the others look at her in surprise. "What? The best stuff is always in the most dangerous place." She explained. "Plus, I came for fun! I can go to a library at home."

Kelly returned her nose to her book, flipping errantly through the pages. "You guys can go." She said. "I'm going to stay here and see if there's anything in these."

"Great!" Jackie exclaimed. She stood up from the table and bent over, locking her arms around Marco and Janna's shoulders. "Just the three of us, then!" Marco let out a small 'meep!' at the contact.

"Well, it's just that, er," the librarian stammered, "you'd need a guide, but I'm not - I'm not really -"

"I can take you."

A deeper (though still rather congested-sounding) voice cut in from a corner, and another worm stepped into view - this one armed with a mop bucket, mop, and janitor's uniform.

Janna scanned the worm once and shook her head. "Uh-uh." She said. "No way."

"It's me or nothing."

They huddled for a moment.

"Janna, you really think that this guy knows about your feud with _our_ Janitor?" Jackie whispered. Marco was still looking just a bit seasick as his head was pressed to hers.

"It already happened once," Janna pointed out, "I don't want to spend the next hour being chased around by man-eating books or something!"

Jackie frowned. "Don't you guys do this stuff all the time?" Marco nodded fervently.

"Well then it's settled." She broke the huddle and stood back up, and the others followed suit. "I'm here for adventure. Lead the way, worm-dude."

"Okay then, follow me." The Janitor-worm instructed, motioning with it's head toward the other end of the library.

* * *

After about half an hour of walking, Janna groaned.

"How far back does this stupid place go?" She complained. "If it's seriously this far, couldn't we have just used our scissors?"

"You have dimensional scissors?" The janitor worm asked in surprise. "Why didn't you just say so? Let's portal on over there!"

"Well, not _on_ me, my little sister has them today." Janna explained. "But Kelly's got some, let's just… oh."

"We left her like thirty minutes back there, remember?" Marco explained.

"Yeah, realised it the moment I said it."

The bookshelves stretching up above them were rapidly decaying as they walked. What had been clean, modern archives were replaced by dusty and decrepit shelves of ancient-looking tomes, most of the titles faded and illegible.

"This way," The janitor-worm pointed down a side isle, and they followed him. The lighting had gotten worse as well - tiny, half-melted candles lit and extinguished themselves as they were approached, and the isles themselves were getting narrower and narrower as they stretched up into the darkness.

Their path was long and winding, the bookshelves becoming more and more labyrinthine as the gaps and openings disappeared.

Finally, the janitor-worm turned a corner ahead of the trio, and gestured for them to follow. When they did, he was gone.

"Told you." Janna immediately grumbled, but before anyone could say anything else, the remaining lights went out, and they heard a gargled hiss.

Fumbling around in the blackness, Marco thudded into a bookshelf and covered his head as dust and smaller books rained down onto him. Next to him, he heard Janna shout "Back off!" followed by an indignant "Ow! That's my foot!" From Jackie.

"This is stupid," Janna said to the darkness. _"Incendium Locale!"_

A small burst of light and warmth exploded to life in her palm, and just in time - Marco shouted in fright as the worm that had been inching its hands into his hoodie suddenly pulled away with another hiss.

More beady eyes appeared on either side of the party, and began closing in. At the edges of the light, they could see the worms were holding spears and wearing paper-bound loincloths and other clothes. One of them spit and screeched in a language that definitely wasn't english, and there was a grinding shuffle as bookshelves were rearranged nearby. Janna had a sneaking suspicion that they weren't going to be able to go back the way they came.

Marco put up his dukes and Janna expanded the flame to both her hands. Between them, Jackie looked nervous. "Uh, guys?" She asked. "Now what?"

Janna exhaled, and her flames grew hotter. "Run."

A fireball exploded outward and the worms blocking their way forward scattered against the shelves, clearing a path. Janna took the lead and more fire danced around her. Marco took Jackie's arm and pulled her behind him. "Stick with me!" He shouted, and they ran.

They could hear the tribal worms behind them as they ran, and above them as well, as dust trickled down from the shelves and books were thrown from high above. They came to a clearing a moment later, and candles flickered back to life. The shelves formed a complete circle - no way out, except the way back.

Turning, the three prepared to fight. "Ready, Marco?" Janna called.

Marco struck a stance and nodded as the first of the tribe filed in behind them.

"Guys?" Jackie asked. "What are we - ohh no."

The three ducked as the first volley of books flew over their heads, and Janna charged forward with an arm winding behind her. "Windmill tornado slam!"

Marco gave Jackie a reassuring glance before joining her. "We do this all the time."

Jumping into the fray after Janna, he kicked one worm in the neck before grabbing another by the eyestalks, making it shriek. Janna was summoning gusts of wind to great effect, throwing a hurricane of books around and keeping the majority of the tribals at bay. Nothing touched her - anything that tried got caught in the maelstrom.

Marco couldn't say the same. Without the element of surprise on his side, he threw punches and kicks and missed each blow. The worms just weren't made for that type of fighting, bending and twisting around his attacks before they connected. One of his adversaries bit into his arm and another clubbed him over the head with the butt of a spear, and down he went. He was covered a moment later, arms in front of his face as the creatures punched and kicked. "Janna, help!" He shouted.

Janna did a moment later, a gush of water blowing the worms off of him and into a bookshelf. A moment later, the fight was over, the worms disappearing back into the bookshelves.

"Saved you!" Janna gloated. The books she'd been holding in the wind tumbled to the floor around her as she released her magic. "That was fun."

Marco stepped to his feet and looked around, finding that they were in fact still hemmed in by bookshelves - the only way back was the way that they had come in, and the same way that most of the worms had disappeared.

As if on cue, there was more hissing and shrieking down the passage as the tribe regrouped. "More incoming, guys!" Jackie called.

Janna looked at a bookshelf at the far end and raised her hand, then took a deep breath. _"Levitato!"_

Slowly, all 50 feet of the shelf rose into the air, its contents with it, Janna turning red-faced as she held it aloft. Marco and Jackie rushed underneath it, and Janna slowly walked behind them. As soon as they were in the corridor beyond, she let it fall with a crash, and caught her breath. "Janna." Jackie laughed. "That was awesome."

Before they could formulate their next plan, they heard a cry from above them: "Justice will be done!"

A pile of books rained down and Marco shoved Jackie to the side to dodge them. Janna jumped the other direction, and after a moment there was a pile nearly 10 feet high between them.

The worms began appearing again, next - sliding through gaps in the shelf that Janna had just moved and spitting at the outsiders. "Marco, they're after me!" Janna shouted. "It's that freakin' janitor! I'll lead them off - see if you can find anything about the riddle!"

With that, she ran, cursing the dark shelves stretching off above her - flying would be way too risky. Casting a glance behind her, she saw that the worms were following suit. The pile of books rapidly faded into the dark.

She turned a corner and raised her hands, using magic to throw another pile down behind her before pulling out her phone. "Glossaryck!" She hurriedly said before continuing to run.

He floated up next to her eyes and looked around calmly. "Oh, the Bookworm Library." He said. "I haven't been here in centuries. Princesses don't seem to enjoy reading here very much."

"Whatever, how do I get out?" Janna asked.

"Being chased by worms?" He responded.

"Mhm."

"Janitor making your life miserable?"

"How did you -"

"Janna honestly, I have ears." Glossaryck responded. "And you really should apologize."

"I _didn't do anything wrong!"_ Janna exclaimed, and came to a large reading area full of tables. Turning, she was just in time to levitato herself backwards, as the tribals pursuing her pounced to where she'd been standing.

"Ruined books! Destroyed library! Justice!" One squealed in broken english, and Janna responded by yanking a particularly heavy book off of a shelf and chucking at its face. It crumpled immediately.

More charged in behind it and she flew into the air above them, the small cone of light provided by the candles at the ground quickly fading. This strategy proved ill-advised, however, as more quickly revealed themselves among the upper shelves. She ducked and weaved as she dodged spears in the dark, before returning to just above the ground, where more circled below her.

Another book was thrown up at her and this time, she summoned a fireball to counter it. One quick _incendio_ and it burned to ash in mid-air. The worms below her screamed and hissed when it happened.

An idea sparked, and Janna reignited her palms. "Back off or the books get it!" She warned. Surprisingly, the worms did just that, slowly backing away from the light and heat.

Another one threw another book and she repeated the action, turning it to dust before it even got close, and the worms tittered before withdrawing. "Stay away!" She called, and threw a fireball at the feet of the closest one.

Like that, their ranks broke and they skittered back into the shelves. Somewhat surprised, Janna put her hands down and caught her breath. With her adrenaline fading, her knees felt like jello.

"I can't believe that worked," she muttered to herself.

"Me neither." Glossaryck said as he returned to his place next to her shoulder. "But would you look where we are?"

Janna looked up to see that every book around her dealt with magic in some way, shape or form - and the librarian was right, it was about as broad a subject as possible. Most of the covers were faded, illegible or not written in English (or even using a recognizable alphabet), but Janna stood up and took a look around anyways. It wasn't what she was looking for, but maybe she could find an answer to a _different_ question.

* * *

Marco and Jackie had fared a bit better than their companion after being seperated, wandering deeper and deeper into the recesses of the library as they continued their quest. Marco was using ancient library indexes to guide them, and though most were faded and illegible, he could figure out enough to keep them moving.

While they walked, Marco kept his eyes open and his mouth shut. There'd been no sign of anything scarier than cobwebs for nearly ten minutes, but that didn't mean he was going to let his guard down. The section on time, it seemed, was in one of the oldest parts of the library.

"So, is this like, a normal adventure for you two?" Jackie finally broke the silence as they walked, and Marco nodded.

"Pretty much. Having fun?"

Jackie smiled. "Yeah. It's been neat."

Somewhere in the back of his mind, the anxious voice that normally screamed in Marco's head when he talked to his crush was muffled. He was having a conversation! With Jackie! Without sounding like a bumbling idiot!

As if she was reading his mind, Jackie broke their silence again. "So, I guess you can talk to me now?" She asked. "Usually you're so… nervous."

Marco thought about this. It wasn't like it was even hard. He just _wasn't_ thinking about how totally awesome she was. How much he loved her hair color. The way she smiled. His face went red and he shook his head to break the trance. He _wasn't_ thinking about it.

"You, uh, noticed?" Marco asked, and Jackie chuckled.

"Yeah dude, it'd be hard not to."

"Oh. Yeah, it's, uh, adrenaline. I guess."

"I like it."

Marco's head was filled with visions of romance for a moment and he focused on the books around him to clear the fog.

Making another turn, the shelves suddenly took a style-change. Rather than looking like standing furniture, it felt like they'd entered a cave with carved walls. They were _definitely_ getting close.

Stopping them, Marco strained his ears to listen ahead. There was scuttling and skittering, but he couldn't see anything in front of them. "Something ahead?" Jackie whispered, and the scuttling stopped.

Marco shook his head, put a finger to his lips, and they crept forward.

The cavelike tunnels continued for only a few more minutes before they opened up into what could only be described as a cavern. Walls were lined with more entrances and exits, and a pentagon of shelves sat in the center of the room. Ash-covered torches sputtered to life along the walls as they entered.

A sign adorned one of the shelves, with a single word written in over a dozen languages: _Time._

Stepping forward, Marco scanned the tomes for anything useful and heard skittering again. Jackie looked around next to him, and mouthed " _I heard that."_

Nodding, Marco started noticing that the books he was looking through were in pretty awful condition. Most of them were sporting torn covers, bite marks, and missing pages. He made to pull a somewhat intact one off the shelf, and the skittering intensified behind him. Turning, Jackie screamed and he jumped to the side as an enormous creature burrowed its face into the shelf where he'd been standing.

The worms that they'd seen so far had all been… well, somewhat intelligent. They had eyes and carried tools or clothes. The one that had tried to make Marco its lunch turned and shook its head to reveal much shorter stalks on a much longer, thicker body - probably 10 or 15 feet long.

"Jackie, run!" Marco shouted, and jumped into a kick that bounced off of the creature like rubber. Turning, it swung its face into him and knocked him back into the shelf.

"Marco!" Jackie shouted, and he watched as the shelf toppled above him, books raining down, before one met his face.

* * *

Janna was slowly sifting through what books she was actually able to read as she looked for clues on Earth magic, but it was frustratingly slow going. She'd pulled whatever she could find onto the candlelit table she was sitting at. A small pile of discarded books was already sitting next to her feet, and she flipped through the pages of another before throwing it to the side as well.

"Too faded…."

"Not in english…"

"Not about Earth…"

The bottom of her pile had the last, most promising cover: _A History Of Multidimensional Magic_ was emblazoned on the front in gold letters, which still managed to shimmer in the dim light. Flipping through to the glossary, she looked for 'Earth.' There was a single reference to it in the entire index, and flipping to the page, she saw that it was a directory of "Lesser Known or Unremarkable Dimensions."

Beneath the headline, she found her target.

" **Earth:** Inhabited by humans, Earthly magicks are mundane and utilitarian. Few Earthly peoples have magic sensitivities, but for a single royal family which maintains the dimension's wand. Consult _Royal Bloodlines Of The Earth Dimension_ for greater description."

Snapping the book shut, Janna stepped up and went back to the shelves. "Glossaryck, can you help me find a book?" She asked.

Her mentor was floating about the area, immersed in some other novel that he'd pulled from nearby. The front cover was printed with _The Incomplete Magical Bestiary Of The Multiverse, Part 6/16._

"Mmm, try that corner." He pointed without looking up, and Janna rolled her eyes. She looked to a nearby cabinet of index cards instead. She wasn't exactly a Marco when it came to being able to figure out what she was looking at, but she at least had a basic idea of what was going on.

Setting them aside, she walked to a secluded side-alley of the area and began scanning tomes. _Royal Magic of the Roffel Dimension, Royal Demonology Worship, Royal Draconian Ancestry…_

And an empty slot, right where her book was supposed to be. The dust on the shelf indicated that it was taken recently.

Groaning in frustration, she returned to the main area to find none other than the janitor worm standing atop her table, holding her book in question - the same one she'd found at the other library, days ago.

"Justice will be served." He said, before holding the book up to his mouth and swallowing it whole.

Janna's fingers ignited before she'd even said an incantation, and she felt rage spark hotly in her as the first fireball flew towards him.

"I didn't _do anything!"_ She exclaimed, and shot another.

The worm dodged both nimbly as he scuttled backwards, and the tribe that had been pursuing her previously reappeared in an instant. This time, though, something was different. Several of them were holding black chunks of obsidian, and her fireballs were sucked towards them before they could connect with anything else, sputtering out against them.

They advanced and Janna could feel a chill radiating from them. Suddenly, she felt her muscles sag and her head ache, and she backed away. Were the worms draining her magic?

"Um, Janna, maybe we should leave." Glossaryck warned, and he lifted a finger to push a bookshelf behind them out of the way. Janna couldn't agree more, and turned to run, disappearing amongst the shelves with Glossaryck as her guide.

The janitor worm watched with a satisfied expression, before reaching into his mouth and withdrawing the book, placing it back on the shelf. "Justice." He said, before turning away.

* * *

Marco woke to a throbbing head, the rush of wind and the sounds of chaos. Jackie was above him and from the sound of it, several of the enormous worms weren't far behind. They crashed between shelves as they hissed and groaned.

"Glad you're okay!" Jackie called as she saw him move. "Cause I don't know what I'm doing!"

Marco took stock of their situation. He'd been propped up in what appeared to be a somewhat rusted-looking book-cart, which Jackie was riding the back of while she pushed them along.

His adrenaline spiked and he looked, upside-down, at the shelf indicators ahead of them as they came to a crossroads. "Left!" He shouted, and Jackie shoved her weight to the side. The cart skittered and skid as it slammed flat into the shelves, and she pushed it along to keep going.

"Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times!" She called, and behind them, their pursuers made the turn in a similar fashion.

Marco kept looking forward as they moved, and called out more direction.

"Straight!"

"Right!"

"Left!"

After another few moments of this, the worms broke off their pursuit, and the shelves quickly got newer and newer. Jackie was panting from her effort, and they slowed down to a more sane speed.

Another few turns and there was light up ahead - they puttered to a halt back in the reading area, and as if on cue, the wheels of the broken-down cart collapsed all at once, throwing Marco to the ground.

Some of the denizens of the 'civilized' reading area looked up as they appeared, but most paid them no mind. The janitor worm was mopping in a corner. Kelly was still reading. The librarian rushed up, looking anxious. "Are you okay?" He asked. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

Marco flipped over onto his stomach and attempted to find his land-legs, while Jackie sat down in a chair to catch her breath. Before they could respond, Janna appeared from the opposite side of the area and joined them. Casting a glance around, the janitor had disappeared.

"How'd your chase go?" Jackie asked, and Janna shook her head.

"Freaking janitors. You guys?"

"Worms." Marco and Jackie replied simultaneously.

Kelly wandered over a moment later, a defeated look on her face. "Well, I didn't find anything either."

"So, back to square one." Janna said, annoyed.

"Looks like it."

"Dinner?" Jackie asked.

* * *

The next day, Marco still nursing bruises as he stood beside his locker, and he'd never been so glad for a Friday. He exchanged nods with Jackie while he stood at his locker, keeping his eye on the clock. After the library, Kelly had gone home for a think and the three Earthlings had shared a diner dinner to compare notes. It'd been the only place open, what with them getting back at close to 9:00..

Janna was later than usual, but at this point, such a thing was utterly unusual - some days Marco was impressed that she even made it to school at all.

The bell rang above his head and he shrugged, shutting his locker with his books as he turned to class. The corridor had cleared instantly, and he turned back around when he heard running footsteps.

Janna sprinted around the corner, disheveled, hair in front of her face and wide-eyed. The Janitor was behind her, a bucket and broom in his hands. She shouted a spell. "Hydro-oralysis pepto!"

Water flooded the corridor behind her from seemingly nowhere, and the Janitor jumped to the side and onto a set of lockers before rolling back onto the floor, still close behind.

"Windmill tornado slam!"

Wind flooded the corridor next, rattling lockers. The Janitor hooked his broom to the side of a trash can (which had been bolted to the floor since yesterday) and pulled himself through it.

Janna crossed Marco's locker like a quarterback scoring a touchdown, and Marco stepped in between her and her pursuer. The Janitor raised his bucket, revealing it was full of mud, and made to sling it at his target before seeing that she'd taken cover.

Restraining himself, he slid to a stop on the newly-wet floor. "Move, Marco." He said. Marco stared him down, not budging. Janna readied another spell but Marco stopped her.

"I'm not moving," he said, "Janna's my friend." Silencing her before she could finish her spell, he continued, "And she's being a complete jerk!"

"I haven't _done_ anything!" Janna retorted. "It's his _job_ to clean up after us, he's the _janitor!"_ At this, Marco's mentor bared his teeth in anger.

"Move Marco," He said again. "You're standing in the way of justice."

"This isn't justice, it's revenge!" Marco shouted. "You're just too angry!"

The Janitor shook his head. "You don't understand, Marco. You haven't learned. I asked politely."

He placed a hand on Marco's shoulder and made to push him aside, but Marco turned him around, spinning the both of them. The bucket of mud sloshed about as they struggled, the Janitor resigned to a single hand.

His mentor might have had skillz, but Marco was still a martial artist, and before long the the bucket had been abandoned, the Janitor pinned against the wall with a grimace.

Janna smiled at her proxy-win, when Marco released his captive. "Janna," he said, even-voiced. "Apologize."

Janna balked. "But..."

"It's his _job_ to keep things clean!" Marco said, exasperated. "Not clean up after _you!"_

Janna thought for a moment, then sighed. "Fine." Then she turned to the Janitor, who was standing by, expectantly.

They stared at each other for a minute longer, and Marco glanced at the clock. They were definitely late to class. Again.

"Alright, you win. I'm sorry." Janna admitted.

"For what?" The Janitor demanded.

"What else do you want? A kiss on the cheek?" She asked, frustrated. "I said I'm sorry!"

In a single deft move, the Janitor shoved Marco to the side and reached for the bucket, slinging it up, and throwing its contents square into her face.

He stayed in the pose, silent, Janna blinking mud of out her eyes, Marco gaping at the damage. She'd been covered from head to toe, though to the Janitor's credit, the rest of the corridor had remained spotless.

Janna smeared mud from her face and her brow furrowed. _Now_ she was mad. Marco made to intervene. "Janna, don't -"

Before he could finish, the Janitor had flipped the bucket up into his hands and had turned his back. He retrieved his broom and calmly walked back down the corridor. Janna was still slinging mud off of her face in disbelief.

"She apologised!" Marco pleaded after him. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"A thousand cuts, Marco!" He reminded. "Demand a thousand in return!"

Janna raised a hand and made to cast a spell before Marco grabbed her wrist. She tried to wrench it free but ended up just pulling Marco into her, sending both of them toppling.

"Janna, that's enough!" Marco said. "You're only making things worse!"

"What is it with you!" She stood up and wiped some of the mud off onto the floor, where she'd left an enormous smear. "I apologised, but he's still attacking me!"

"Is 'sorry' really enough?" Marco returned. "I was a janitor for a week while you were gone, remember? I get why he's mad!"

Janna stared death at her friend before rolling her eyes and summoning another gout of water and wind to rinse and dry herself off.

"Russo, Diaz!" Skullnick stuck her head out from around the corner a moment later. The Janitor had once again disappeared. "There you are! I'm not starting my lecture just so you can interrupt me by sitting down! Get to class, and lunch detention for both of you!"

Janna stomped ahead, now freshly clean, and Marco followed behind. They left a muddy mess in their wake.

* * *

After school, Janna headed for her usual bus with Marco at her side - the monotonous routine of the school day had a way of dulling a passion, and her anger at him had receded to a minor annoyance.

"See you tomorrow," she said, and made to step on the bus before the door snapped shut in front of her. The bus driver glared at her through the glass before gunning the engine and pulling off. Janna stomped her foot in annoyance. "This is the WORST!" She shouted.

Marco sighed, walking the other direction, "See you tomorrow."

Janna reached into her pocket for her scissors before realizing that Joleen still had them. Marco's words buzzed in her ears, and she saw the Janitor staring at her from the now-empty steps of the school. She turned away, and started walking. She had a long ways ahead of her.

* * *

Opening the door to her home after a near hour long walk, Janna let out a long sigh, and tossed her backpack on the floor. She trudged into the living room, let herself fall down onto the couch, and turned on the TV.

"That bus driver is _so_ fired." She mumbled, idly looking through the guide to see if there was anything good on. Before she could find something though, she noticed a faint orange glow in the reflection of the TV coming from the hallway.

"Joleen?" She called, standing up from the couch. "What are you doing in there?"

Hearing no response, she walked into the hallway to find the source of the glow. She turned the corner into her sisters room, and found a large, ominous-looking orange vortex directly in the center of it.

"Great." She muttered. She wasn't excited about the prospect of her mom finding out that Joleen had disappeared to who-knew-where. Stepping into the portal, Janna could feel the prospect of a relaxing afternoon slipping away. "Here we go again…"

* * *

 **This was long and crowded. We wanted to include Jackie because she's fun and deserves more time, but it did kinda stretch on. There is one deliberate movie reference in this chapter to a not-very-good movie. The first person to spot it gets to request an intermission idea or something.**

 **So. It's technically not June yet! If we keep going at this pace, we should be on track to finish this AU by the time the next season of Rick and Morty comes out! Kek.**

 **In actuality, part of the reason that this chapter took so long is that season 3 burned me the heck out. It was pretty awful… you can read more about it on our blog (where I wrote what amounts to a dissertation on the topic) but it's basically just terrible, and I'm actually done with the show at this point. Still going to write the story! But we're now doing it completely separate from whatever goes on in the show, so we'll probably contradict some stuff down the line.**

 **Check out the blog for some cool new art as well! SKL commissioned some stuff from the first chapter and it came out pretty great. More to come!**

 **Comment response!**

 **OMAC001: We'll get the full story eventually. Janna's definitely pulling a "Steven Universe" in the 'not-asking-followup-questions' department, plus most of the people who knew what was going on are feeling pretty touchy about talking about it. We'll fill in the gaps eventually!**

 **BlackJoker013: Glad you're enjoying things! Thanks for the response!**

 **Imhere4svtfoe: Always great to read your responses my dude. Thanks for your thoughts.**

 **First, I want you and everyone else to rest assured that SKL and I work night and day to ensure that Pony Head is never mentioned in this story. Maybe if we can find a purpose for her down the line, but oh my** _ **god**_ **I just can't stand her.**

 **Kelly's basically taken her place as "Star's BFF," and I think it's working to much better effect. Kelly has some pretty essential character traits that Pony Head just can't compete with. Like arms.**

 **Ishkilthul's continued cameos are frankly some of my favorite parts of this story. He's gone from "terrifying knowledge demon" to "hipster" to "Incel" to "Literal human resources demon." Turns out that too much internet can make you a completely intolerable person - who knew?**

 **I know we didn't really write it super-well, but Janna's definitely got some kind of thing for Tom. Theoretically I've always thought they go well together. Janna's got that mystical, troublemaker side and Tom compliments it pretty well with being a magic demon. I promise that our love triangle (if that's how it turns out) will probably be better written than the show's.**

 **Might make a Marco/Kelly carnival intermission if I can figure out enough cool ideas for it.**

 **Guest: Foreshadowing is hard in stories. I'm basically trying to storyboard the show with words, but jeez… it's so difficult to do correctly. So… yes? Except we're not really doing a great job of it, lol. Glad you're enjoying things.**

 **Guilhermefinamori: Yep, might be a bonus if I get around to it. Could be fun.**

 **Guest 2: "Please less Tom."**

 **No.**

 **Allusion-Conclusion: Thanks for the comment! There's definitely a lot in store in regards to bloodlines, and I'm glad we've been keeping to theme. I go back through and reread the entire story periodically, and I'm pretty happy with the place we're in as well. I think we've got a pretty solid foundation to build on, at least. Thanks for reading.**

 **Mr. Haziq: Well** _ **Marco**_ **definitely isn't going to be taking the challenge, but someone else will be, which leads us to…**

 _ **On the next episode of JVTFOE:**_ **Life is cruel. One or two errant portals, and suddenly you're sucked into another dimension and jumping through hoops for a flame demon! Meanwhile your imp just keeps getting bigger and you don't know why, and even in another freakin' dimension, your sister just won't leave you alone! Will Joleen be able to survive Heckapoo's gauntlet and earn her own pair of scissors? Find out next time, on the next episode: Interdimensional Troublemaking!**


	23. S2 C3: Interdimensional Troublemaking

**This felt a lot longer while we were writing it. Still pretty long though.**

 **This week: Joleen gets harassed by some furries over a pair of scissors. Enjoy!**

 **(Part of this chapter overrides the previous chapter's ending. This version is correct. I'll change the previous chapter eventually.)**

* * *

Stepping out of her morning portal to school, Joleen wasn't excited about the end of winter break or the biting winds - but, as she slipped her scissors back into her jacket and made sure Joey was safely stuffed into her chest pocket, she was at least glad that she didn't have to take the bus.

In actuality, she hadn't really used her bus pass in weeks. Her mom left before she did and Janna didn't seem to care one way or another, so she took her time in the mornings and portalled to school 5 minutes before the bell rang.

Echo Creek's K-8 Academy wasn't altogether much different from the bigger version that Janna went to. It had the same angular buildings and the same modern classrooms. The only problem was that it was infested by elementary school kids, and the only possible thing in the universe _worse_ than elementary school kids - pre-teens.

For every kid that gawked at Joleen's portals, there was another one that made fun of her for it. So it was that one such group passed by in a huddle, and one of Joleen's rivals shouted from the center of it: "Hey Joleen, what's wrong? Too fat to walk anywhere?"

They passed in a giggle of laughter, and Joleen frowned. Reaching into her pocket, she extracted Joey and whispered an instruction.

A moment later he was in the center of the group, and Joleen cackled as she heard the screams of her enemy. "Ow! Hey, watch it! What the heck! Agh! Give that back! Stupid bird!"

Joey flew back over a moment later, and handed Joleen the bauble that had been holding together the girl's overdone hairdo. She gave him a peanut in return before stowing him back in her pocket.

Opening her locker and extracting her books, she was greeted by her best friend, if only deserving the title by technicality. Rhonda Lawson, preferring to go by "Abadeen," wore enough black to be confused for a vampire, and happened to occupy the locker next to Joleen's.

"Morning!" Joleen said, putting on her usual falsely-cheery demeanor. It seemed to annoy her friend to no end, which was basically the entire reason she did it.

"Your bright attitude blinds my spirit and crushes my will to live." Sure enough, Abadeen's monotone response was accompanied by her usual glare. Above them, the bell rang, and Joleen opened another portal. The classroom was only a few feet away, but who had time to walk?

The rest of the school day passed in much the same way, everyone far too used to Joleen's scissors to really notice as she used them to jump around the school - and as soon as the bell rang, she stepped away from her desk and into her room, flopping down on her bed as the portal shut behind her.

"What a day…" she muttered, dropping her backpack before standing up and opening another portal to the kitchen.

The rest of the week was a blur, Joleen having been left mostly to her own devices, and using the scissors to her usual great effect - sneaking into movies, getting authentic chinese food from Beijing, 'borrowing' some money from the local bank vault to pay for it…

Friday afternoon rolled around, and Joleen was at home in her room before the last bell had finished ringing, excited at the prospect of the weekend. Setting her backpack down, she made to mimic her usual routine. Snapping the scissors through the air, she could already taste her daily yogurt-cup.

Unfortunately, this time the scissors snapped and snapped, but nothing happened.

Concerned, she tried again, to the same result. Joey peeked out of her shirt pocket and whizzed up, perching on her shoulder.

"Huh." Joleen looked closer at the scissors, trying to figure out why they'd suddenly quit on her. "Are they broken? They look fine to me…"

A portal opened in front of her, and she looked up without a second thought. "There it is. That's some lag, huh?" She asked her familiar, before noticing that the portal in question was bright orange. Before she could react, a pair of pale hands reached through, grabbed her beneath the shoulders and pulled.

"Woah!"

Yanked through the portal like a rag doll, Joleen was tossed to the stone floor on the other side. She looked up to see a fluffy yellow dress covering pale white skin, and a stern-looking face framed by red hair and a flaming crown staring down at her. It was the pale-skinned flame demon that Glossaryck had been meeting with, months ago. And, purely by coincidence Joleen was sure, the same one that she'd 'borrowed' the scissors from.

"I can explain." The words were out of Joleen's mouth before she'd even gotten off of the floor, and the woman stared her down angrily.

"No need," She said, and plucked the scissors from Joleen's grasp.

"Hey, those are mine!" Joleen exclaimed, then remembered who she was talking to. _Well, it's too late to back down now,_ she thought to herself, and stared down the girl as she stood up.

"You serious? These are _totally_ mine." The demon replied, and put them back into the bun of her hair. "You have any idea what the punishment is for stealing someone's dimensional scissors?" Her glare down at the 11-year-old quickly quelled any thoughts of rebuttal.

"Wait, it wasn't me!" Joleen squeaked. "It was Joey! He was the one who did it! OW!"

The imp whizzed up to her ear and took a bite at it before disappearing up to the ceiling with a chitter.

"Oh, yes, of course, the imp did it." The demon replied sarcastically. "Well, if that's the case, I guess I'll just get rid of it…" a hand-sized portal appeared in front of her and she reached through - at the ceiling, Joey squacked as he was suddenly grabbed out of the air.

Summoning a fireball in her other hand, she held it beneath the imp and he started squealing in terror.

"Wait!" Joleen panicked. "Okay okay it wasn't him it was me! Please don't hurt Joey!"

The demon smiled and let the imp go, and he zoomed back into Joleen's pocket. "That's more like it. What's your name, kid?"

"Joleen Russo."

"Russo, huh?" The demon raised an eyebrow. "That name rings a bell… I'm Hekapoo. You should at least know someone's name before you steal from them."

Joleen gulped and nodded. "So… you got them back, can I go home now?"

Hekapoo laughed. "Hahaha! As-if! No, kid, like I said. Stealing someone's scissors has consequences. You want to go home? I'd have to make you a pair - and I'm fresh out of supplies!"

Joleen quelled for a moment. "Please?" She begged. "There's a new episode of _The Second-Hand Crusade_ on tonight, I can't miss it!"

Hekapoo rolled her eyes. "That's… seriously what you're worried about? Missing a TV show?"

Another portal opened behind Joleen, and Hekapoo pushed her through onto the dusty ground beyond. "I think you're gonna miss the premiere!" She mocked, and the portal snapped shut behind her.

Joleen took stock of herself. The ground was cracked, red, and dusty - like she was walking around on Mars. The sun was setting in the distance, and there was nothing but the same flat plain for miles. Wherever she was, it definitely wasn't anywhere she knew about on Earth.

Even with the sun beginning to set, it was hot, and she took off her jacket immediately. Jeans had seemed like such a good idea on a January morning - but she was quickly rethinking that decision. Joey buzzed back out from her pocket and looked around as well. "Well, now what?" Joleen asked him, and he chittered nonsensically at her.

"As helpful as ever…" she muttered, and, picking a random direction, started to walk.

* * *

As it turns out, 11-year-old girls aren't particularly well-equipped to trek across enormous deserts, no matter how many imps they have following them. Joleen having just the one, she was in particularly bad shape. After a few hours, her feet had started to hurt and she was _beyond_ thirsty, having been cut off just short of her afternoon snack-break on Earth.

Unfortunately, she couldn't see _anything._ The plains around her stretched on for miles, hemmed in by craggy mountains that never seemed to get any closer, and covered by tiny shrubs that barely passed as plants.

But, with nothing else to do, she walked.

"She wouldn't just leave me out here to dry, right?" She broke her hours-long silence with a question to Joey, who was jotting around as lively as ever. He yapped a response at her and she sighed. "This sucks. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be _doing!_ "

 _If anything…_ the thought rose unbidden. Maybe she _had_ stolen from the wrong person, and she'd been dumped out here to…

Nope! That line of thought was too depressing. Way too depressing - think about something else!

Evening rolled around slowly and painfully, the reddish sun finally touching the horizon, after what felt like weeks. Joleen would have welcomed the night for some cooler temperatures - except she was still too busy trying to find anything that passed as water.

Her steps faltered, finally, and she collapsed onto her butt before laying on her back. "Water…" She croaked. She was hardly able to sweat, her head was buzzing with a migraine, and her tongue was dry and sticky.

Joey buzzed above her head before speeding off.

The sun lit the sky into a beautiful purple as it set, and Joleen watched it absently, too tired to do anything much more than that. The thought of dying so stupidly terrified her, but it was like a terrified echo in the back of her mind - plus, she was pretty sure she had at least a few more excruciating hours before she'd be allowed _that_ relief.

Joey returned a few minutes later, and Joleen blinked up at him. As he flew over, he dripped down onto her face, and she winced.

 _Dripped. Water! Joey has water!_ Her mind raced and she forced herself back up, trying to catch her pet as he zoomed back, just out of her reach.

"Thirsty!" Joleen moaned, and the imp did a quick circle in the air before fluttering away from her. She lumbered behind him, and dusk set in above her.

He kept just out of her reach, a few feet ahead of her, chattering and squawking as she stumbled along behind him, and the sky went dark above her. A bright moon slowly began to rise, and the stars glittered in the sky.

At the edge of her hearing, she caught a whisper that put energy back into her legs, and she stumbled forward. A tiny stream trickled across the rocks in front of her, barely more than a few inches wide but still carrying enough water for her to bury her face into it and take a long, much-needed drink.

Laying back with a sigh of relief, she felt the water on her face quickly dry. Joey flittered above her and she noticed that he'd started to lightly glow. Sitting up in curiosity, she held out her hand and he landed on it. Sure enough, his features were alight with warm, red color. It outlined his arms, legs and wings and cast a sinister shadow on his face.

"How long has that been happening?" She wondered. The imp tweeted a response and flittered back up into the air.

Feeling much better after her drink, her stomach rumbled and her feet throbbed, reminding her that she still had other needs. The temperature around her was quickly dropping as well, and she pulled her jacket from around her waist and put it back on.

Following her companion along the creek, she looked up into the sky. Joleen didn't know anything about the stars, but she was pretty sure none of them looked familiar. Then again, she didn't normally get to see very many - the night sky of Southern California was bright enough to blot them out. The sight above her, then, was something entirely new for multiple reasons.

After another few minutes of walking, her breath started to appear in front of her face, and she caught sight of a light quite a bit larger than Joey's spark in the distance. Approaching, she found that it was a squat campfire, surrounded by tents and tended by wolf-people.

Seriously - wolf people. She snuck closer and found she was reminded of her classmates that wore wolf-ears and tails to school. There were a few that did.

The creatures in front of her were quite a bit taller than a human, though, each standing around 7 feet high, and covered in various shades of black or grey fur. A pair of cubs was running about the camp while three adults sat at the fire, roasting something that smelled _delicious._

"Eat!" One of them commanded, and removed the spit before tearing off hunks of meat and throwing them to its companions. Before long only bone was left, and with contented sighs, the five aliens returned to their tents. In another few moments, the camp rumbled with their snores.

Joleen's stomach growled again.

Taking care to watch where she stepped, she crept into camp by the dim firelight. The tents that the wolf-people were sleeping in weren't much more than canvas propped up on sticks, and most were too small for their height - heads and legs stuck out at either end. If any of them were to wake up, she'd be spotted immediately.

One of them snuffled in its sleep and turned over, and Joleen froze. It muttered something and resumed snoring.

She quickly saw her target: a bundle of packs at the far end of the clearing. Joey whizzed ahead and reached into one, withdrawing a handful of nuts before buzzing away. Joleen followed suit - reaching inside, she felt around for anything edible, and her stomach groaned impatiently. She withdrew another pouch of nuts and quickly put them into her pocket, before producing a loaf of stale bread to go with it.

She stood up quickly as the wolf-men twitched and grunted in their sleep. Thankful that they seemed to be sound dreamers, she tiptoed back out of the camp before any of them woke, and made her way back down the river. As soon as the firelight was out of view, she stuffed half the loaf of bread in her mouth and reached for the nuts. Joey landed on her shoulder and threw a pile of shells onto the ground.

After her makeshift meal, exhaustion was the next foe. With a full belly and a wet tongue, Joleen cast about for someplace decent to sleep. A narrow indent in the desert floor proved to be her best best - crawling inside, she found that it expanded into a small cave. She couldn't even see the back of it - or stand up in it, for that matter.

But some shelter was better than no shelter. Finding the most comfortable patch of dust she could, she was out like a light in moments.

* * *

Arriving home after a long, exhausting day of reprimands from Skullnick and attacks by the Janitor, Janna was relieved when she was finally able to drop her backpack and take a seat on the couch.

The house was quiet for the time of day - usually, Joleen was hogging the comfortable spot on the sofa instead, tuned into some show or other by now. But there was no sign of her - not even a sound. Janna allowed herself to relax for a few minutes, but the silence bothered her. Some long-repressed instinct towards her little sister kicked in, and she groaned in defeat to it as she forced herself back up and around.

"Joleen, you here?" Janna called as she entered the kitchen. Empty. Opening the fridge, its contents looked intact - a pristine pack of yogurt cups sitting on the center shelf, untouched.

Frowning, Janna allowed the door to snap closed and turned back into the house. It wasn't out of the question that Joleen would just be out _doing_ something - except, to her knowledge, Joleen had about as many friends as Janna did, not counting Marco.

Heading into the back of the house, the bathroom was open, empty and unused, but the door to her sisters room was closed.

"Joleen?" Janna knocked. There was a swirling behind the door - something that sounded suspiciously like a magic portal. Cracking the door open for a peek, she swung it open all the way a moment later. The room was empty - sort of. In the center swirled a large, orange scissor-rift.

"Oh." Janna said, and rolled her eyes. "Well, that's new." It didn't look like any portal that their scissors had ever generated. "Joleen, what are you doing?"

Regarding the portal for another moment, she shrugged her shoulders and stepped through.

* * *

The next morning, Joleen could barely crack her eyes open with all the dust covering them, but with Joey's angry chittering and the deep growls that were accompanying it, she was quickly as awake as she'd ever been.

Rubbing her eyes, she looked around groggily in the dim light. Joey was throwing tiny fistfuls of fire at a dark shape from the other end of the cave. The spatterings of light were enough for her to get a pretty good idea of what it was - leathery, like an elephant, but with claws and a mouth like a cat. It wasn't very big - the cave wasn't big enough for it to be too large - but was still just about the last thing she wanted to be trapped in a confined space with.

Joey shrieked and threw another tiny ball of fire at it, and it yowled and charged. Its paws thumped rhythmically against the cave's floor as it closed the distance, and Joleen yelped and pushed herself back. Joey threw himself into its side, knocking it down, and the young girl scrambled out of the cave.

There were sounds of a further skirmish, and then her imp followed a moment later, shooting out and up into the air. He'd gotten bigger while she slept - he'd been the size of her fist, and now he was closer to a small puppy. She could still see his features faintly glowing in the morning light.

And it was morning - technically. Looking around, there was a thin, dry mist clinging to the ground in the early morning light, the sky having taken on a light pink color.

With her adrenaline fading, Joleen quickly realized that she wasn't feeling all too great. Her feet hurt. Her legs hurt. She was hungry (again) and her mouth tasted like dirt.

Well, at least one of those problems was something she could solve.

Wandering back over to the nearby creek, she took a quick drink and considered lying back down. The thoughts were quickly put to rest, though, as she heard war cries nearby. It sounded like the wolf-people she'd 'borrowed' her dinner from had just woken up as well.

So, deciding against lying down to eventually die, she started to follow the stream instead.

Her feet were still protesting having to move, as was her stomach, but after wallowing in the feelings for a few minutes, she realized there wasn't much point. It didn't make her feel any better to think about it - and it was distracting from the bigger questions.

And bigger questions there were.

"Freakin' Hekapoo." She pouted as she walked, and Joey landed on her shoulder. "That's a stupid name!" She continued to him, and he licked his hand in agreement. "Hekapoop."

"What am I even doing out here?" She asked to no one in particular. "What kind of jerk abducts someone and just dumps them in the middle of a desert! I even said I was sorry!"

Joey twittered a response and picked his ear with his tail, and Joleen nodded. "Oh, good, so it's not just me."

Within an hour, the temperature shot back up and the sun was high in the sky above her. Fortunately, though, she seemed to have picked the right direction to follow the water. It had quickly widened from a trickle into something more resembling a creek, and as she walked towards its source, it was only further intensifying. The vegetation around her seemed to get thicker and bushier as well. It was still definitely a desert, but at least there was some sign of life.

Another few minutes, and she'd found more than just that.

It'd started as a green dot on the horizon. Like a mirage. She'd ignored it, but kept walking closer. And it kept getting bigger. Then it went from being a dot to being a splotch. And from a splotch to an actual set of shapes.

She'd sped up, and the ground beneath her feet had gotten softer and muddier. Then there was grass, and the creek kept widening. The air got cooler.

With a joyous expression, Joleen stopped as she looked down into an enclave before her. Trees grew up and out in all directions, with bushes beneath them. Fat, juicy-looking alien fruits were hanging from each branch, one of which she pilfered and bit into hungrily and without hesitation.

And at the center of the area was the source of the creek - a small pond, surrounded by huts and tapestries, and in its center a white, glowing crystal the size of a car jutted up.

Her mouth full of fruit and her face covered in Juice, Joleen walked towards it to investigate. The formation was beautiful and otherworldly, thin, spidery strands feathering off the center like branches from a tree.

Mesmerized, she swallowed the rest of her food and set a foot in the water, meaning to swim to it - when she was broken from her reverie by a bark.

Stepping back out of the water and ducking behind a tapestry, she watched as more of the wolf-creatures emerged from a nearby hut. The leader of the pack was adorned in robes, with painted fur and a cane. Its snout was grey and its barks were raspy, but it gestured out to the crystal at the center of the pond with a lively stance.

Following it were half a dozen more of the monsters, most of them no bigger than Joleen. Pups.

She watched as the leader guided them around the pool, swatting hands away from tapestries and fruit and evidently giving some kind of lesson.

Despite herself, though, Joleen's eyes were once again drawn to the crystal. The structure itself emenanted growth and life - she could feel her pounding headache, along with the rest of her body's aches and pains, steadily melt away just by being near it. As the creatures disappeared around the opposite side of the pond, she waded back into the water again, keeping an eye out for any more wolf-people.

It was shallow, she soon found - barely deep enough to reach her hips. The water felt good against her legs, and was perfectly clear. Looking down, she could see more tiny crystal growths sprouting up from the rocky bottom. The air around her felt light and cool, even though the sun should be bearing down hard at this time of day. She didn't even feel hungry, as she had just a few moments ago.

Looking toward the crystal again, she found herself drawn to it. She waded her way to the middle of the pool, eyes remaining locked on the rock.

Reaching it, she put out a hand and touched it. Unbidden, a small piece came loose in her hand. Barely more than a large pebble, it was slightly cooler than the water around her, and just a bit damp. "Huh…"

She retracted her hand from the large crystal, and sat down on a somewhat flat rock sticking out of the water. Idly kicking her legs, she stared at the large crystal, and down at the smaller piece in her hands, wondering that this thing was.

She wanted nothing more than to remain there in the pond for just a little while, but Joey had other plans. He began chittering and pulling at her hair, breaking her out of her little trance.

"Joey, what are you... stop!" Joleen growled in annoyance, swatting him away from her head. But, broken from her reverie, she caught sight of the old wolfman strolling along the edge of the pond. Before she could think to hide behind the crystal, his eyes met hers, and he didn't look happy.

Letting out a frightened gasp, she grabbed Joey from out of the air and began splashing back to the opposite end of the pond, the waist-deep water not making it any easier. Looking back, she found that the old wolf wasn't attempting to give chase, likely due to his age. He kept his eyes locked on her as she made it to the edge of the pond, and fled back out into the desert.

* * *

Stepping out of the portal and onto a rocky floor, Janna took in her surroundings. She was in a hot, red desert, and there seemed to be nothing notable in any direction, save for a jagged mountain range in the far distance.

"Joleen?" She called out, hearing no answer. Why would she want to come here? This was the middle of nowhere, no civilization, or any other signs of life to be seen. With that, on top of the orange portal, Janna's big sister instincts kicked in.

"Glossaryck, where are we?" She asked, somewhat panicked. Climbing his way out of her pocket and yawning, he took a look around.

"Oh, I haven't been here in quite a while." He commented. "A bit drier than I remember."

"No seriously, where are we?" She asked again, hoping that he would take this seriously. "Joleen wasn't home, and I found that portal in her room."

Pointing to where she stepped out, she found that the portal was no longer there.

"What portal?" He asked, before yawning again. "Look, I wanna go back to bed, do you need something or not?

"Yes! I just- there was a big orange portal right there!"

"Orange portal you say?" Glossaryck asked, raising an eyebrow. "Oh that's not good."

"Not good how?" She asked, hoping her sister wasn't in danger.

"Well Hekapoo- have you met her?" He paused. Getting no response, he continued. "Hekapoo obviously took her here, the portal is a _dead_ giveaway." He explained. "And we're in her dimension too, so she's probably putting your sister through a trial."

"A trial?" Janna repeated, not liking the sound of that.

"Yeah, to see if she can earn a pair of dimensional scissors." He yawned a third time.

"Doesn't she already have a pair?"

"Oh she stole those from Hekapoo." Glossaryck said, before stroking his beard. Come to think of it, she's probably pretty peeved about that…"

Janna was pretty peeved, too - some demon-lady had abducted her sister! "Take me there," she said, and Glossaryck sighed in annoyance.

"Fine, but then I'm going back to my nap."

* * *

After hiding behind a large rock in the desert for a good while, the little oasis hardly in sight, Joleen finally let her voice out.

"Hey Joey, did you know what that thing was?" She asked her companion, who was busy chasing a bug. He caught it in only a moment before taking a bite, not listening. "Didn't think so."

Standing up out of the shade of the rock and stretching her legs, she decided it'd probably been long enough. Hopefully they thought she was long gone by now, and didn't have a search party out after her for trespassing in their sacred pond or whatever.

"Well Joey, no use sitting here all day and drying up." She said, stepping out from behind the rock. "Who knows, maybe we might find anothea _aaah_! _"_ She screamed and fell back, tripping over a rock, and landing on her backside. Standing before her was the old wolf from earlier, arms behind his back, and a stern look on his face.

"N-no, I..." She stammered, stumbling backward and away from the towering figure above her. "I'll-" She paused, and picked up a rock. "I'll…"

Seeing the old wolf guy's face soften, she stopped, and waited to see what he would do. He hadn't moved a muscle this entire time, just keeping his eyes locked onto hers. After a moment, he bent down and held out his hand.

Joleen took her hand off the rock she'd been reaching for and instead reached into her pocket, withdrawing the crystal. It was still cool and wet from the pond, an oblong stone about the size of her thumb, white as snow.

The wolf-man took it between his thumb and forefinger and held it up to his face to inspect. He ran a finger along the edge, which was smooth and clean - no sign of where it'd broken from the main body.

Then he started to bark and crow, tossing the stone between his hands and moving it between his fingers in an ornate, deliberate pattern.

Joleen looked on warily, still not entirely sure if she should bolt, and Joey continued to much on his bug from the rock.

After another few moments, the elder held the rock still in his clenched palm, and whispered a hushed growl. Opening his hand, his eyes found Joleen's. "Worthy." He rasped.

He held out the stone, and with his other hand, gently took Joleen's. Turning over his palm, the stone fell from his palm into hers, along with a small trickle of water.

"Life," he urged.

Gruffly pulling her back onto her feet, he kept his grip on her wrist and turned her away from his side of the river. "There," he said, and then pointed to the stone. It'd shifted hue, slightly - glowing a pink red and gently pulsing in her hand.

Before Joleen could ask about it, he roughly turned her to the right. "There," he said again. This time, the crystal turned a tint of brown. He shoved her to the right a third time, and it turned blue. "There."

Then, as quickly as he'd confronted her, he just… stopped. Leaving Joleen in befuddlement, he set a pace and began walking back to the pond.

"Hey, wait!" Joleen called, and started after him. He turned and growled.

"Prove." He rasped, then turned away and kept walking.

Joey chittered and landed on Joleen's still-outstretched arm as she stared at the wolf-man's retreating back. The imp reached for Joleen's stone and she reflexively closed her hand around it. Turning back and forth, she could feel it vibrate when she faced a direction she'd been directed to - and feel it stop when she didn't.

Pointing it back towards her first direction, it pulsed and glowed pink once again. Joey cocked his head as they exchanged glances. Joleen could feel her hand getting wet again, too - and she was pretty sure that it _wasn't_ just leftover water from the spring.

Joey took flight once again, and circled above her as she started to walk.

* * *

As Janna flew through the hot desert air, she kept an eye out for anything that looked like… well, anything. Beneath her, the flat, red desert stretched out for miles in any direction without so much as a bush, and though the mountains on the horizon were getting _slightly_ bigger over time, it was hard for her to even tell how fast she was going.

Normally she'd hardly even be able to reach this high up with levitato, let alone _fly,_ but for some reason, doing so was near-effortless here. Glossaryck had told her it was because some weird time-space stuff she didn't understand. His exact words were: _"Space in this dimension folds and twists itself around the contracted passing of time, allowing one to move miles in the span of inches, but only at the folds. When you get to the twists, things get a little more complicated. You gotta-_ " And that was as far as he got before Janna had stopped listening.

"You should be able to see it in a few minutes!" Glossaryck shouted over the wind. He'd settled on the top of her head and was reclining up towards the sun above them. "You know, uh, probably! Unless she moved! Or something!"

"Or something?" Janna asked over the wind.

"Well, desert navigation is a rather inexact science!" Glossaryck shouted back. "Maybe she's there, maybe she's not! Maybe she's in multiple places! The only way to tell… is to go see!"

Rather than try and puzzle this out, Janna just kept flying.

It seemed, though, that for an inexact science, Glossaryck had been quite exact in his estimations. Janna hadn't realized just _how fast_ she'd been going - a steepled tower zipped by beneath her feet in moments, and Glossaryck pointed to it. "That was it!" He shouted.

Janna shook him off of her head and forced herself to slow down. If she had to take a guess, she'd been going over 100 miles an hour. Turning around, the tower was nowhere in sight on the horizon.

"Uh… where'd it go?" She asked, and looked at Glossaryck as he hovered next to her. He shrugged.

"It could be everywhere… or nowhere." He said mystically, and Janna shook her head, annoyed.

"No help at all…" she muttered.

"Hey, I got us close, I think that's pretty good." Glossaryck defended himself. "Here, let's try something else. Land."

Settling down on the dusty plain, Janna was glad she'd left her jacket back through the portal.

"Now close your eyes," Glossaryck said, and Janna did.

"And take two steps forward."

One step. Two step. Janna staggered backwards as she hit her head on something hard.

Opening her eyes, she found the steeple she'd passed stretching up above her, her nose only inches from a front door.

"Where'd _that_ come from?" She asked, and Glossaryck shook his head.

"Time and space work differently here, remember?" He said. "It's aaaall about the journey. Knock first."

With that, he zipped back into her pocket.

Janna did as she was told and knocked, but was barely able to hit the door hard enough to produce a vibration. Nevertheless, it opened a moment later, a dark staircase and gush of cooler air greeting her.

Heading up, the door boomed shut behind her, and she pressed forward.

Stairs, however, were not her thing. By the time she'd reached the top she was levitating, finding a series of rooms that seemed like they were far too large for the size of the tower. From the one across from her, she heard a voice and saw flashes of light.

Peeking inside, she found the pale-skinned demon she assumed to be Hekapoo, standing over a hot-tub sized basin of shallow water.

Her hands were outstretched, crackling with magic power while she muttered spells that Janna couldn't understand. With each, another piece of the pool solidified into black ice, hardening in an instant. From the looks of things, she was about halfway done.

And halfway done apparently wasn't good enough, as a familiar, monotone voice resonated through the chamber. "What are you doing?" Janna still wasn't sure what was going on, but she recognized the face in the water well enough - Ludo. Or was it Toffee?

In either case, Hekapoo paid him no mind other than to continue tiling ice over his reflection. Reaching up, though, he brushed a piece aside. It cracked and shattered, and Hekapoo staggered. "That's not going to work," he said, and reached up towards her.

His hand got larger and larger as it approached the surface, before finally, it touched and broke through. It reached up and out, Hekapoo throwing herself back with a shout as it grabbed at her.

 _"Tempus Livum!"_ Janna shouted, and pointed up to the ceiling where an enormous stone chandelier hung above the pool. The chains holding it in place unbound on their own, and it plummeted down into the enormous hand, crushing it back into the pool and disappearing with it.

As the water's ripples cleared, it was once again a pure, inky black.

Hekapoo stood back up and cast Janna a glance before continuing her incantation. Before long, the entire pool had been frozen over, tendrils of mist dispersing into the air above it.

"Thanks," Hekapoo said, dusting off her dress. "Now, who are you?"

* * *

As Joleen walked, she puzzled over the stone in her hands, rolling it back and forth as it changed temperature and texture.

It seemed that it wasn't just able to generate water - she'd gotten it to produce a lotion, a small amount of something resembling breadcrumbs, and even a few wisps of something resembling thread.

Unfortunately, that was about all it could do. Tiny, inconsequential amounts of resources. And only when she concentrated, as she quickly found out when it dried in her pocket. So, now she was sucking on it, a big lump in her cheek as she tried to extract as much water as she could.

And thus, the afternoon went on, the stone continuing to guide her towards… whatever it was guiding her towards, though the desert around her had gone back to being completely devoid of life in the meantime. As the sun set above her, she managed to find shelter in the only feature around for miles - a small, thorny thicket of dry brush. It was brown, dry, and sharp, but she figured it was still better than sleeping out in the open.

Setting the stone back in her pocket so she didn't accidentally swallow it, all she had to do was concentrate on her tired legs in order to pass out.

And she slept like a rock. Fortunately, the thicket wasn't the home to anything else at the time, though Joey kept a watchful eye for any errant bugs to eat. He'd kept growing while she'd walked, and the night hadn't stopped it either.

When she woke the next morning, Joleen felt a pressure on her chest, and a pain in her legs. Groggily pulling her head up off the ground, she saw that the pressure was her imp - now the size of a housecat, there was no way he was going to fit into her pocket anymore.

Unfortunately, such a convenient factor couldn't be said for her legs. Those were just sore, like everything else.

Rolling over and standing up, Joey chittered and gestured to himself, and Joleen shrugged. "I thought you'd know," she replied. He chased his now foot-long tail for a moment, and then took off above her.

Around her, the bush was rustling slightly, and she noticed for the first time that the air was a little bit more humid. Stepping back out onto the plain, the ground was covered in shreds of thin mist, and the sky was a dark, ominous grey above her. Thunder and lightning crackled in the distance.

"Oh good, just what I needed!" Joleen griped, and her stomach rumbled to remind her that it existed as well. "And you can just shut up." She snapped at it.

Taking the stone back out of her pocket, she set it back on her cheek and, with no other option, kept walking.

To her surprise, Joleen found that the hunger didn't last for too long. Rather, Joey reappeared a few minutes later and dropped a few berries and scraps of bread into her hands, which she gladly accepted. He perched on her shoulder like a hawk as she walked, and they split the bounty.

Distracted by the food in her hands, it wasn't until the ground around her started sloping up that she noticed the mountain that had appeared in front of her. Soon, she was standing in its shadow and she gaped up at it.

It definitely hadn't been anywhere in sight a few minutes ago, but all of a sudden, here it was. The rock was the same reddish-brown as the landscape, but craggy and hard. Bushes grew out of the cracks in the sides of it, and the storm she'd been walking towards was swirling above it.

As if it was excited just to be noticed, with a crack of thunder Joleen was suddenly doused in buckets of rain. She sputtered and Joey yelped, hiding himself in her jacket as she put it back on.

She was thoroughly soaked almost instantly, and ran for cover against a particularly steep piece of rock. The fragment of stone she'd been carrying had deepened its red color, and was vibrating much harder. Setting it back in her pocket, she cast around for any type of shelter and found it - an indent in the rocks only a few hundred feet away.

Stumbling over, she soon found that the indent turned into a cave, which turned into a passageway, and the stone was vibrating even harder. She shook the water out of her hair and Joey emerged from her jacket, his dim glow acting like a guide as they progressed deeper.

Soon, the sounds of the storm faded behind them. The cave itself quickly expanded into a marvellous display of magma rivers and hot-looking crystal formations, which Joleen decided against touching.

Joey was leading the way as much as her stone was. At every fork in the path, he chose the direction. For every drop, he flew down first, for every dead end, he found the crack in the wall that let her pass. He seemed happy and excited, whizzing about, and Joleen could see why. Surrounded by magma and brimstone, immersed in hot, still air, she imagined that this place was about as close to the underworld as one could get.

Fortunately for her, the caves being uninhabitable meant that they weren't being used, and she was able to get by without any interruption. Unfortunately, that meant they were… well, pretty uninhabitable, and soon the stone was back in her mouth, rattling against her teeth as she tried to get it to make up for the sweat she was quickly covered in.

Another turn in the path, another 50-foot ascent, and she found what she was there for. In the center of a pool of lava was another crystal, this one a ruby red and steaming in the hot air. Joey squealed and ran over to it, perching on top of the highest point.

Joleen looked down at the pool of hot death surrounding it. It was at least 20 feet across, and she could feel waves of heat radiating off of it.

"Can't you just bring me one?" She shouted. "I can't get over!"

Joey scampered down the side of the formation and tugged at various growths, to no avail, and returned to the top of the structure. "Mmm…" Joleen murmurred, and wiped her brow. The heat really was too much.

Taking a step back, she looked around for a way - any way - to get over to the formation. The walls were sheer and smooth. The ceiling was 50 feet above her, and there were no formations in the magma to speak of.

As she thought, the stone in her mouth kept vibrating, but harder and harder. Before long, it had started to hurt, and she spat it out into her palm. "Ow!"

Before she could close her fist, though, it flew up and across the room like a magnet, across the lava pool before hitting the formation like a bullet.

Joey startled and flew back up when it impacted, and a flurry of crystal shards blew out of it like shrapnel as it pounded all the way through. There was a cacophany of noise like shattered glass as it blew out the other side, embedding itself in the wall opposite Joleen.

Her imp flew over to it and barked angrily before putting his hands around it and pulling, to no avail. Retreating, he landed on Joleen's shoulder as she walked over.

She quickly found that the first piece had fused with a new one, and that it'd stopped vibrating. Placing one hand against the wall and another on the stone, she pulled with all her strength, only to find that it popped free immediately. She looked at Joey, who was looking between the crystal and the wall in disbelief. "You baby," she said.

The mountain apparently didn't care much for her banter, and the ground rumbled beneath her feet as the magma pool sputtered and spit. In the center, the remainder of the crystal formation was sinking back into it, and pebbles were falling from the ceiling.

Joey shrieked in panic and took off, and Joleen barely had time to register what was going on before running after him. "Wait up!" She called.

She was just barely able to keep him in view as he led the way, this time down a different set of caves. The floor was still vibrating like a continuous earthquake as she ran, larger rocks now falling from the walls and ceiling, magma splattering everywhere from its little contained streams.

After a few corners, Joleen felt like her lungs were ready to burst, but her salvation opened up in front of her: sheets of pelting rain, and above it, the stormy grey clouds that covered the open sky.

Joey waited at the entrance and flew under her jacket as she raced by, just in time. As soon as she left, the tunnel collapsed behind her, piles of boulders falling in as she sprinted in front of them.

The rain was cold and soaked her instantly, but, as the entire mountain was collapsing in on itself in behind of her, Joleen quickly decided that it was definitely the preferable option.

And for a few minutes, while she caught her breath, all she did was watch. The mountain slowly fell back into the ground like a sinkhole had opened up underneath it, and the storm dispersed overhead when it did. Within another few minutes, nothing was left but a light drizzle and a few hundred feet of boulders.

Joey reappeared out of her jacket once again, and Joleen withdrew her now-larger crystal for examination. It had taken on the same white color as it had before, and was roughly twice the size. The first piece had collided with the second in order to form a lazy L, like the stem of the letter was slowly collapsing in on the base.

Turning away from what had been a mountain only a few minutes prior, the formation turned bronze and began to lightly vibrate once again. Joey stared at it and took off, and the clouds broke above her, letting in the sun.

And then, once again, Joleen started to walk.

* * *

" _Hydro-oralysis pepto!_ " Janna called, summoning forth a wave of water, flooding the red floor all around her, and soaking herself in the process. She managed to catch a mouthful before it all uselessly crashed to the ground and soaked into the dehydrated dirt. Was it too much to ask to maybe get a cup from Hekapoo before getting shoved back out here?

Thinking back to her conversation with her, Janna was beyond relieved to hear that Joleen was in no immediate danger, unless she went out seeking it. And while her little sister did like to get others into trouble, she was an expert at weaseling herself out of it. Their family relationships were a testament to that.

While Joleen _did_ steal her scissors and lie to her about it, Hekapoo wasn't heartless. Janna had been… 'understandably upset' when she'd learned that her little sister had been left to wander a desert plain for days on end, but Hekapoo had assured her, again and again, that the point of the journey was to experience it - not die trying.

And given what Janna had seen so far, she was inclined to believe her. The desert had provided all manner of enticing distractions while she flew over, from towns straight out of a roleplaying game, to sweeping cliffs and bluffs that she desperately wanted to fly through. Joleen wasn't stranded. She was on a journey.

But just because she wasn't in immediate peril didn't mean Janna was okay with leaving her out there. Hekapoo made one other thing clear: for better or worse, she wouldn't send Joleen back home until she either completed the trial or gave up, and that meant Janna wasn't going home either.

After all, she could fly, and Joleen could not.

And so she flew. Hekapoo made it clear that Joleen would be alright without her, and it wasn't that Janna didn't believe her. It was just that her sister wasn't exactly one to follow someone else's rule - no matter what it was.

* * *

As the sun was getting low and the desert air was beginning to cool down, Joleen decided it was about time to take a break, and find a good spot to stop for the night.

"You think there's anything flammable around here?" She looked back towards her imp, who was scanning the ground as he walked behind her for any bugs to eat. Looking back forward, she nearly jumped out of her skin. Another two inches, and she would have stepped, and likely fallen into a 20-foot sandpit that had opened up in front of her.

"Holy!-" She gasped in reflex, taking a couple steps back. Looking around her, she could see that there were numerous smaller (but still quite large) sandpits all around the area. "Where'd all these come from? Wait, is that -?"

She looked down into the pit in front of her. Sticking out of the sand were numerous crystals much like the one she was holding, glimmering in the evening light. And in the center of the pit, she spied her target. Another giant crystal, emitting a yellowish glow.

She felt drawn to it and took a few tentative steps forward into the shifting sand on the sides of the cone-pit. Trying to think of a way to get down it without being trapped at the bottom, she came up with nothing. She could make the crystal produce some string, but not nearly enough to use as a rope. What is there out here that she could attach a rope to anyway?

Deciding that she would find a way up after she got what she needed, she took another careful step down.

And felt the ground fall away beneath her.

"Woah, woah hey wait!" She cried, startled, and tried to scramble her way out as the sand under her slid down further into the pit. Instead, her struggling only disturbed more, causing an absolute avalanche as she fell onto her back, sliding down toward the crystal at the bottom. Figuring that was her destination anyway, she stopped trying to scrabble back up, and slid down right on top of it.

She collided with it and pushed herself upward, trying not to get buried as the remainder of the sand-slide piled in beneath her. Most of the crystal was quickly buried, Joleen climbing to the top of the highest spire as the ground finally settled.

"Huh, neat." She said. Joey was circling above her, concerned. The crystal was warm and pleasant, and she could feel her muscles relax as she hugged it. She was overcome with the same feeling of contentedness that she had in the oasis with the first crystal.

Just as before, a piece of the crystal came loose in her hand. As she held it up, she felt it softly pull toward the crystal she held in her other hand, and knowing what this meant, she allowed the smaller piece to attach itself to the larger one. The smaller one slowly imbedded itself into the other one just as before, making cracking sounds as it did so.

"How many more of these are there?" Joleen wondered aloud. Her new rock was now substantially larger than the tiny pebble it had been originally, going from its former L-shape to a U.

Just as she finished her sentence, the large formation below her started to vibrate and tremble, and Joleen felt her teeth chatter as she rattled with it. The sandpit around her started to slide again, further covering the formation and Joleen felt a spark of panic ignite in her chest.

As the formation was completely submerged, Joleen tried to stay afloat while the ground filled in around her. First she was standing on top of the crystal. Then wading in sand, then climbing, then even swimming as it swirled up to her shoulders. Joey swooped down and tried to help, taking hold of her shirt and pulling, to no avail. There was a fierce, low rumble from the earth, and Joleen took a deep breath as her face - and her pet - were submerged.

For a moment, Joleen felt like she'd become sand. Completely surrounded - buried alive. All she could do was try to keep her mouth shut, searching for any way to move as more earth piled on above her.

Hopelessness engulfed her. _What an awful way to die,_ she thought to herself, swirling in panic as her lungs cried out for air.

That is, until she felt the sand under her feet give. Feeling that she was able to move her feet freely, she did just that. Wiggling her feet eventually her lower legs, she found that there was nothing below her. And considering the fact that her upper body was completely engulfed, she decided that her best bet was to let herself fall through. Hopefully solid ground wasn't too far down.

She could feel her body slowly slide down, accelerating as the ground let loose its grip, until, with a gasp and a scream, she was falling through open air. Only for a moment, though - her legs quickly reconnected with solid ground, then her backside followed, as she fell to the thankfully dense floor beneath her.

While she gasped for air, Joey freed himself from her sand-locked clothing and spat out mouthfuls of the stuff, shaking more out of his leathery skin and chattering in discomfort.

As her heartrate returned to normal, Joleen took a look around. The space around her was dimly illuminated by more of the crystals, ranging from growths the size of her head, to the size of a car. The walls were packed sandstone, and, looking around at where she'd landed, it seemed she'd lucked out. A narrow path stretched across a chasm that gaped blankly on either side of her - the ceiling still trickling down into it.

Standing up, Joleen put her crystal back into her pocket and dusted herself off. She had sand _everywhere_ , from her ears to her shoes, and she quickly realized that getting it all off was going to be a heroic endeavor in itself.

She shifted uncomfortably, but decided against emptying her shoes in a strange cave inhabited by who-knew-what, and instead settled for getting away from the massive hole that she'd narrowly avoided falling straight into.

Joey followed, and they started to explore.

The caves were even more mazelike than the mountain had been, and just as impossible to navigate. Except this time, Joey didn't seem to have any better an idea of where to go than Joleen did. So they wandered instead.

The walls were smooth and rounded, with only the occasional crystal formation or trickle of sand from the surface to provide guidance, and were quickly getting darker - and significantly less friendly.

From the tunnel ahead, Joleen heard a scuttle. She paused. Amidst the ever-present trickle of sand, she couldn't be sure if she'd actually heard _anything,_ and Joey cocked his head from his place on her shoulder. She looked at him and he squeaked as if to say, _what?_

Shaking her head, Joleen kept moving.

As she walked, the crystal in her pocket had started pulsing again, and she quickly found that it had once again increased its ability to produce things. She was only barely able to fit it into her mouth, but it was now able to keep her tongue wet.

Preoccupied by this development, she didn't notice the skeleton in front of her until she stepped on one of its legs.

 _Crunch!_ A dusty old femur bone shattered beneath her feet, and Joleen squealed as she quickly backed away.

The skeleton was old - really old - and it looked like it might've belonged to one of the wolf-things she'd encountered. A long time ago, maybe - it'd been bleached yellow with age, any flesh long-since rotted away.

Her shout, however, hadn't gone unnoticed. As she examined the skeleton, there was more skittering around her, and Joey grabbed her shirt and hissed into the dark around her.

"What?" Joleen asked, and the skittering stopped. "You hear something?" She whispered, and Joey glared out into the dark.

Without a sound, Joleen felt something tackle her legs from behind, knocking her past the skeleton and into the wall. Joey jumped off of her shoulder when she moved, and she screamed in surprise. Sharp, slick mandibles bit at her legs through her pants, and she kicked them away.

Joey flew overhead and threw fireballs at it, now quite-substantially sized to match his bigger body. Joleen caught a glimpse of it as it backed up, and made a point _not_ to look again. It was a bug. A big bug, with big pincers on its face.

Pushing herself back to her feet, Joey rejoined her as she ran deeper into the cave in front of her while the whatever-it-was crawled behind.

Unfortunately, it sounded like she'd woken up a lot more than just the one bug. The side caves around her came alive with sound and movement, and she cast a quick glance behind her to find that the bug-thing _definitely_ wasn't alone.

She kept moving.

The cave, though, was sloping down, and definitely wasn't getting her any closer to safety.

At least, that's what she thought.

She ran out over another open pit to find that the pits weren't _empty_ \- she just couldn't see what had been living in them.

With an enormous rustle, dozens of the bugs took flight below her as they were disturbed. Sand rained down above her as they punched through the soft ceiling and into the world beyond.

Halfway across the pit, Joleen saw that her path had been blocked by more of the things that she _definitely_ didn't want to look at. With her pursuers closing in, she was left with one other option.

"Hang on Joey, this is a bad IDEAAAA!" She screamed as she jumped into the pit, just as a pair of pincers snapped at the space her legs had been.

She fell for only a moment before she collided with one of the bugs in the pit, hanging on for dear life as it staggered, then kept flying straight up into the roof.

Her grip slipped and her mouth filled with sand as it burrowed upwards, but after only a moment, she was above ground. Then she was 10 feet above the ground. Then 20. Then 30…

Joleen screamed again as she was taken higher and higher up into the nighttime air, the sinkholes below her rapidly fading as the swarm of bugs flew off into the night.

All except hers, that is. With an unwanted passenger, it soon found that it was barely able to stay aloft - and Joey scratching at its face wasn't helping matters. Joleen hung on for dear life as it bobbed and swerved, before dropping out of the air.

She finally released her grip about 10 feet above the ground, rolling into the dirt as her former ride flew back off to join its kin.

Scrambling to her feet so she could make sure that the desert floor wasn't about to swallow her again, she laid back down a moment later to catch her breath. With her adrenaline fading, the urge to move had as well, and it occurred to her that she hadn't eaten anything in over a day.

Her stomach, though, could wait. Not bothering to even find shelter, Joey laid down on her chest as she closed her eyes and passed out.

* * *

Another day's travels, and Joleen could start to see where her final destination had led her.

This time, the crystal had turned a pale blue as she walked, and was now able to provide just enough food and water to keep her going. It hadn't been comfortable, but, as she stared into the blizzard in front of her and felt cold snow creep into her shoes, she quickly decided that the universe could always make things worse.

In front of her, what had been a mere speck on the horizon a few hours earlier had turned into a full-blown snowstorm, its self-contained gales raging only a few hundred feet from her face. A thin blanket of snow powder crunched beneath her feet as she walked towards it, and Joey's reassuring warmth kept her going as he hugged the back of her neck.

Fortunately, she spotted her salvation before entering the storm. Casting a glance around, she saw a crude village had been constructed at the edge of the storm - circular huts accompanied by small igloos, with more of the wolf-kin walking between them.

Creeping closer, Joleen could smell cooking meat, but that wasn't her target (much to her stomach's protest). Instead, she watched as a hunting party of some kind entered the camp out of the blizzard and shed a set of extra pelts - as well as several crude sets of snowshoes. They were set aside to dry as their former wearers barked and growled at one another and made their way towards the center of the village.

Joleen was on the skins in a flash, attaching a smaller pair of the saucer-like shoes to her feet before 'borrowing' one of the smaller pelts for herself as well. She wrinkled her nose at the stench (they'd obviously never been washed), and set off.

The blizzard was intense, hitting her like a sheet as she walked into it. Although she kept the pelt wrapped tightly around her shoulders (with Joey taking shelter beneath it), she could feel her face start to freeze as soon as the first gusts hit her skin. Her legs and feet did little better, and she squeezed her eyes shut as she walked - hoping and praying to nobody in particular that she'd get to wherever she was going soon.

Despite that, the storm seemed endless, and she had no choice but to just keep walking. Joey helped somewhat, as did her crystal. With her mind on a fire, each time it pulsed it warmed her body just slightly - enough to keep her toes from freezing off, at least.

But it was a small comfort in the grips of the gale that surrounded her. Without the crystal acting as her compass, she was sure she would've been lost in minutes, surrounded by an endless grey fog. She could hardly even open her eyes to see the ground in front of her, nevermind tell where she was going.

Finally, though, her oversized shoe collided with something solid.

Joleen looked up to find an enormous cave in front of her, sculpted from blue ice and looking suspiciously similar to the sand-version she'd seen the previous day. Still, the storm wasn't letting up, and _any_ kind of shelter was a relief, bug-inhabited or not. Keeping the entrance in plain view, she headed inside.

Almost immediately, the wind died, and Joleen gave a sigh of relief as she let down the pelt that had been covering her head. She hadn't realized it at the time, but the continual howling of the storm had really made her ears ring. A moment's rest to watch the storm rage out where it couldn't get to her, and she stood up once again to press on.

Much to her dismay, the crystal's vibrations told her that she would once again need to go underground. Straight back into the cave, as a matter of fact. She groaned at it. "I've already almost died from caves TWICE and you really expect me to go into a third one?" She complained .

Joey looked at her from the ground and cocked his head. She imagined his response. _Boy, you're really losing it, kid._

"Shut up," she told him. "I miss the oasis…"

Still, without any better options, deeper she went.

She was able to see the crystal almost immediately. Through a solid foot of remarkably-clear ice, that is. It put off more light than the storm let in above ground, illuminating the entire labyrinth of caves that she realized she was going to have to traverse. They didn't look to be inhabited, but still - she wasn't looking forward to the idea.

Fortunately, Joey had other plans. Perhaps sensing Joleen's resignation, he dug his claws into the side of the cave wall and breathed a small stream of fire into it, his hands quickly beginning to melt patches as well. Before long he'd carved a nice-sized hole in the ice, not all the way through and probably not wide enough for Joleen to crawl through - but it was a start.

"All right Joey!" She said, excited. "Finally, some good luck!"

Joey chittered in response and continued. He was even warming the cave around them, and Joleen took off the fur she'd been wearing with a sigh as she felt the warm air on her skin.

After another few minutes, Joey had carved quite a nice hole, just wide enough for her to squeeze herself through so long as she put her arms through first. She did just that with a few grunts, popping out the other side and falling to the ground in a jumble before standing up. "Finally!" She shouted, and ran to the crystal. It was cold to the touch and she could see her breath in the air as she approached, but she broke off a piece without any ceremony, practically forcing it into the pieces that she already had.

"Please please _pleeease_ be the last piece…" she moaned. The fourth piece capped off the square U, forming a shape that she'd just learned about in Geometry class… a hollowed-out 'rhombus?'

For a moment, nothing happened, and Joleen gave a groan of dismay as she realized she'd have to walk back through the storm.

Then her world went white.

* * *

Janna had been searching for _days._ Glossaryck had told her not to worry. Hekapoo had told her not to worry. And yet, considering how many giant bugs, wolf-people and other monsters she'd had to fight off basically anytime she landed anywhere interesting to search, she wasn't exactly reassured.

She was on day 3, now, and had begun to lose hope. She had half a mind to march back to Hekapoo's little castle and force-feed her magic cabbage until she returned her sister.

The prospect was growing more and more appealing by the minute.

With a storm swirling on the horizon, she was just about to turn back when a spark of light caught her eye.

It was barely anything at first, until suddenly it was _everything_. Like a new star had been born on the horizon, she had to look away after a moment, and it still seared through her eyelids.

Blinking as it faded away, Janna could see the enormous hole that it'd punched in the snowstorm below her. Glossaryck was hovering near her head, and shrugged when she looked at him. "Never seen that one before!" He said.

Flying in for a closer look, Janna was above the gap in the storm in only a minute. Looking down, she could see that a hole had been punched all the way down into the ground, forming a crater of ice rimmed by the storm as it began to encroach it.

Floating down, Janna recognized something else - a young woman in the center of the crater. Except, upon a second glance, it definitely _wasn't_ Joleen. She had the Russo family skin-tone but she was quite a bit older - and taller - than Janna.

Janna flew in closer. She was clearly dazed, sitting at the bottom of the crater and blinking and shaking her head. She was wearing a colorful, intricately-detailed red dress that looked like it could've been Indian, and had a glowing crystal that looked like a sideways rectangle hanging around her neck.

Janna landed in front of her. "Hey, are you alright?" She asked. "What was that light?"

The woman looked up and a spark of recognition crossed beautiful features. A long nose seperated eyes that looked suspiciously familiar... "Janna?" She asked.

Janna blinked. "How do you know my -"

Before she could even finish the sentence, the woman was up and Janna found herself crushed into her chest. The woman was significantly taller than Janna, well over 6 feet.

"Woah!" Janna pushed herself away and backpedalled from the unexpected hug.

"It's so good to see you!" The woman beamed. A moment later what Janna could only describe as a cat-sized demon landed on the woman's shoulder and barked at her. "Joey!" She said. "You're okay too!"

Janna blinked and squinted. "Wait… _Joleen?_ What the… you're _taller than me now?"_

Joleen looked down at herself in surprise. "Huh. This is new. Am I pretty?"

Janna looked at her. Her sister had turned into the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen. "Meh. You're okay," she lied.

Joleen shrugged. "Well, you're just in time. Finished my crystal… thing, and now I guess I'm headed back to Hekapoo to turn it in." She prodded at the crystal that was hanging around her neck, and Janna looked at it. It was still glowing, and she could feel warmth radiating from it.

"Joleen, _what_ is going on?" Janna asked, and her sister grinned.

"Oh boy, do I have a story to tell you…"

She was interrupted, though, by the storm beginning to swirl back in above them. Janna shivered, and Joleen looked up at the sky in distaste. "This weather sucks. Guess I'll tell you on the way."

As if of their own accord, her now-sandalled feet hovered up off the ground a few inches, and Joleen cackled as she realized this before awkwardly rising up into the air. Joey shrieked as he fell off of her shoulder, then followed suit.

"Guess I can fly now!" She called down to Janna, seeming to get ahold of it pretty quickly. "Which way to Hekapoo's castle?"

Janna felt magic swell in her own body as she lifted herself up behind her sister. She was still utterly confused, but suspected that at the least, this little adventure was almost over.

* * *

From the air, Joleen quickly realized that wherever it was she'd been travelling through, distance didn't really work the way it should've. She could see the land racing beneath her as she flew, entire mountain ranges flying by in seconds, while Joey flew next to her. She was going pretty fast _,_ but not _that_ fast.

Of course, when Janna flew by in a flash and left a sonic boom in her wake, Joleen realized that she could still be going faster.

As space folded in on itself, Joleen met her sister on the ground in front of Hekapoo's castle only a few minutes later. The younger Russo was elated from the experience, her hair windswept and her face sporting a grin a mile wide.

A small garden had popped up in front of the spire since either Russo had last seen it, filled with rocky spires and carefully-pruned desert plants. Hekapoo herself was tending to a smaller selection of the plants, snipping off thin branches and bundling them by her side.

"Hekapoo!" Joleen called down triumphantly. The flame demon looked up, and Joleen pulled the crystal formation from around her neck and tossed it to her. "You have a stupid name!" Joleen announced, and Hekapoo laughed.

"So, you managed to do it, huh?" Hekapoo asked, and Joleen nodded.

"You're darn right! Now send me home. I want to sleep in a bed."

Hekapoo took up the necklace from where it landed and studied it. "Well, you've certainly earned that right," she said. "But I've got a counter-offer that I make to everyone who finishes their trial, and certainly everyone who has… _that_ happen to them." She gestured to Joleen's dress and matured figure.

"Yeah, uh, if I can cut in here, what's up with that?" Janna asked from the sidelines, and Hekapoo shooed her quiet.

"These crystals are magical manifestations," the demon explained. "Like, really concentrated stuff. They're some of the most powerful substances in the multiverse."

She cupped her hands around the necklace causing it to glow white hot and melt down, and then separated them to reveal a glowing silhouette of scissor blades. "I could use them to make scissors," she said. "Which you could have. You could go home, sleep in a bed, go back to the way you were, and live a normal life. Or…"

She closed her hands again, to reveal a new necklace, the crystals seemingly fragmented into dozens of smaller gemstones around a band. "You could stay here. You could live forever, like me, like _that_ ," she gestured again to Joleen's form, "and use the crystals to work with me as an assistant. I used to call them maidens, but that's _sooo_ old fashioned, so… lieutenant? I dunno, gotta work on that."

Joleen thought about this for a moment. Being able to fly was cool. Having a little mini-demon hanging around on her shoulder was pretty neat. And she looked pretty bangin'. But on the other hand…

"Does your universe have TV?" Joleen asked, and Hekapoo smirked.

"Nope."

"Scissors please!" Joleen requested, and Hekapoo shrugged. She closed her hands again and the scissors re-emerged - this time with a delicate-looking set of oriental handles that matched Joleen's dress.

Joleen cut a portal open without a second thought. "Home!" She shouted, and stepped through. Janna cast a glance at Hekapoo in confusion, and the demoness shrugged.

"Until next time," she said with a knowing wink, and Janna shook her head in confusion. Joleen stepped back through the portal before she could follow, though, and Janna watched as she magically transformed back from her tiny pre-teen sister into a full-grown woman.

"Oh, Janna!" She exclaimed. "Take a picture of me with your phone! Nobody at school is gonna _believe_ this!"

* * *

Stepping back through the portal to Earth, it snapped shut behind them and Joleen made a beeline for the kitchen, returning with a yogurt cup before plopping down on the couch. Janna checked the clock hanging on the wall. 6:00, Friday evening. Less than 3 hours since she'd first stepped foot into Hekapoo's dimension.

Joleen flipped on the television just in time for the opening sequence for _the Second-Hand Crusade_ to start blaring into the living room. "Oh, YES!" She shouted before digging into the yogurt cup. "Didn't even miss the premiere!"

Janna was still utterly confused by what all had gone on, but at least they were home. A moment later, the garage door slammed and they heard their mom's voice from the kitchen. "Janna, Joleen! I got Burger Queen!"

"Awesome, I'm starving!" Joleen was up from the couch in an instant, and pulled out her scissors to get back to the kitchen before seemingly thinking better of it.

Janna followed, and Joleen was already at the dining room table eating when she pulled out her own meal. "Oh, Janna," her mom said as she put away groceries. "How was your day?"

Janna shrugged and took her first bite. "Eh. Same-ol, same-ol."

* * *

 **Remember that one time Marco aged 20 years in one episode and then everyone spent the rest of the series wondering if it actually happened or not? I hate it when I accidentally give my characters 20 years of offscreen development time and don't explain it properly.**

 **For real though, this might've been a little short by comparison, but at least Joleen's still 11.**

 **What'd you think? We decided to take a break from the usual antics this week in favor of one of my favorite original characters. Joleen isn't going to be a huge part of the story, but I do enjoy writing her and she is going to be a pretty large part of at least one other episode. Plus, someone or other needed to get scissors. May as well have been her.**

 **Uh... comment response!**

 **Grey Field: Thank you for popping in! SKL says he knows you and says hi.**

 **Pssh, I love JanTom. Janna's an irresponsible brat of a teenager with a predilection towards the supernatural. Sounds familiar… they definitely wouldn't be HAPPY all the time, but the relationship would be nothing if not passionate, lol.**

 **Guest: Oh hey. Thanks for the review, and the ideas. Love the idea of Janna/  
Moon "girl time," particularly late in the series. One of the themes of the story will be Janna's coming of age, something like that could be great for it. And yes! The janitor/Janna plot is **_**definitely**_ **a parallel for the Mewman/monster war. Mhm. Absolutely intended. 100%.**

 **Jackie is… interesting. I included her in the last chapter because we realized that she's going to be a pretty central terminal in some of the later character developments, but that she's basically been relegated to a side role until now. The real trouble's been trying to disambiguate her from our version of Janna. They share a lot of similar traits. We eventually came to the conclusion that while Jackie has blonde hair, Janna's is black. That's enough difference for me (lol, jk). Glad you liked the chapter.**

 **Alien Vth: Yep, Joleen'll remember everything. Fortunately hers was only a few days, rather than several decades…**

 **Mr. Haziq: As an author, I appreciate that you related to something I wrote. I do try.**

 **Thanks to everyone for reviewing!**

 **On the next episode of JVTFOE: Wands, magic, training and mystery! While Janna trains with Glossaryck (and exhausts herself doing it), Marco and Kelly continue to look for Star. But when Janna's magical shortcomings are thrown up in her face, she decides that maybe it's time to find a wand of her own. Trapaising to the underworld and back, join us for more globetrotting, training, and Magical Destiny than you can shake a stick at! See you next time for the next episode: Wave Of A Wand!**

 **(Oh, and we've got an intermission coming too - had an idea for Joleen that didn't quite make it into this chapter. So that's coming too. Thanks for reading!)**


	24. S2 C4: Wave Of A Wand

" **Jason, you can't just keep splitting chapters up into two parts."**

" **Jason, you can't just promise a story with character development and then just forget about it halfway through."**

" **Jason, you can't just accidentally forget to provide context to the backstory for the entire series, pretend it was a style choice, and then start doing it in a random part of the second season."**

 **Can. And do. So here's a really dope first half of a chapter. Second half is already done and coming next week. Alternately, there's a link on our blog for anyone who wants to read the full chapter now. FEEDBACK NEEDED: Are you more likely to read long (10-12k word) chapters or short (5-7k) ones?**

 **This week, Janna tries to make a wand and we explore some DEEPEST LORE. Enjoy!**

* * *

The grassy knolls and plains of Mewni had rapidly become a familiar sight to Janna, moreso as her magical training continued. Glossaryck spent most of the previous few days harassing her to continue perfecting her magical arts and, at his insistence, she'd recruited Moon Butterfly to assist them. She watched wistfully as Marco and Kelly had disappeared into a portal, off to what sounded like quite a spectacular adventure involving a mad clock-maker.

And she was stuck taking extra credit lessons from Glossaryck and Queen Butterfly. Even though it was magic training, she wasn't enthused by the idea of having homework.

The trouble, as Glossaryck was putting it, was that Janna just wasn't "restrained" enough. Each time he asked her to summon a glass of water, she drenched herself. A light breeze quickly turned into a gale. If she were moving something small around, it shot around at the speed of a bullet, inevitably breaking something.

"But Moon was _excellent_ at - er - 'restrained' magic when I taught her," he'd said, earning a snicker from Janna and a displeased glare from the former queen. She'd chosen a light blouse and jeans for the day's events, and was watching with arms crossed.

And so, under the pair's supervision, Janna found herself on an otherwise unremarkable open plain on Mewni, Glossaryck hovering a few feet away from her while Queen Moon stood nearby, an expression of annoyance on her face.

"It's not that hard, Janna!" She called. "All you have to do is _not_ put everything into your spell!"

Janna cringed in irritation, having been thoroughly drenched by her own hand multiple times now.

"Easy for you to say!" She shouted back as she pushed her sopping hair out of her face. "Being 'restrained' just comes _soooo_ naturally to you, doesn't it!"

Moon huffed in response and Janna took a deep breath before reciting the incantation for water once again. This time she concentrated everything she had on making sure that when the magic left her fingertips, it was the tiniest amount possible.

And, true to form, just as had happened the last time she'd tried _that,_ a tiny bunch of droplets appeared before her and fell to the ground in a patter - hardly enough to feel, nevermind do anything useful with.

"GAH!" She exclaimed and stomped her foot. "This is stupid!"

"Keep trying." Moon said stubbornly. "It's no use soaking yourself every time you want a drink!"

"Or I could just use a faucet!" Janna shot back. "This - isn't - working!"

Moon frowned and crossed her arms while Janna found the driest patch of dirt she could and plopped down for a rest. Glossaryck circled above her and she swatted at him in annoyance, which he easily dodged.

"Hmm…" he muttered, stroking his chin as he laid forward in the air, examining her. "Well, I have an idea," he shrugged. "Usually a princess has trouble making spells _bigger_ , not the other way around."

"Great." Janna snapped. "I'm just _so_ naturally gifted. And don't call me princess."

"You are, actually." Moon said. "Gifted, I mean. Magic wielders are very rare, let alone from Earth! The odds of you even finding the book…"

She shot a curious stare at Glossaryck, which he either didn't notice or chose to ignore.

"Hmm…" he contemplated instead. His feet splayed above his head as he dangled down in front of his angry student. Looking straight into her face, she stared back defiantly until her eyes began to water.

"Aha!" He said suddenly. "Internal magic!"

"Internal whua?" Janna asked, and the queen snorted.

"Of course not Glossaryck, that would mean she's been using it the whole time."

"Oh, she has been." Glossaryck casually replied.

The queen looked dumbstruck. "Of course," she muttered, "and if you've never had a wand, you don't know…"

Janna was now thoroughly bewildered. Turning to look at the queen, she saw her eyes close as she muttered to herself. She still wore a look of mild shock.

Breaking the silence, she turned to Glossaryck instead. "What's internal magic?"

This was apparently enough to shake Moon from her reverie, as she shook her head and tisked. "Glossaryck, haven't you taught her anything?"

Glossaryck shot the Queen a stink eye before explaining. "Magic comes from two places, Janna. External magic is where most spellcasters get their power. It comes from a connection to the realm of magic, the source of all magic."

"Realm of magic?" Janna asked. Glossaryck, ignoring her, continued his lecture.

"Internal magic, however, is generated by the body and the soul, and amplified by the world you're in. In my experience, it's more potent, more imaginative, and makes for a much better sandwich!"

To prove his point, the gem in his forehead glowed and a perfectly normal-sized club sandwich appeared in his hands, which made it look like he was holding what amounted to a Glossaryck-sized bed. He took an enormous bite and gave a sigh of contentment.

"Dewishus!" He exclaimed through puffed out cheeks, and offered it to Janna. "Wanna bite?"

Janna shook her head and he shrugged as he swallowed.

"Think of your internal magic as a big cauldron of hobo stew." He explained, laying down on his new edible bed. "You have an incredibly large pool of it, just sitting there, ready to be eaten whenever, and slowly replenishing over time." He sat up, and drew a line with his finger. " _External_ magic is like a buffet. There is a constant stream of magic flowing through most worlds that most magic users can access through a magic item, or a rite, or incantations. In this case, a wand."

"But someone being able to use _any_ magic is incredibly rare, especially on Earth," Moon sat down next to Janna and continued the lecture. "And someone able to produce internal magic outside of the royal family - well that's unheard of, and even I find it absolutely exhausting! To think that's all you've been using..."

"You can use as much internal magic as you want at once." Glossaryck took another bite of his bread-bed. "And it's stronger. External magic just flows through you. You won't get tired from it, and you don't "run out" but your magic item limits how much you can use. You would never be able to fly around the way you can - or it would be slow."

"If you do end up going all out," Moon continued, "and exhausting everything you have, well, you've almost had it happen, haven't you?"

Janna remembered the few times she'd drained herself of magic. It wasn't an experience she was keen on repeating.

"I couldn't do any magic before Glossaryck showed up." Janna said absently. "And believe me, I'd tried."

Both ladies looked up at Glossaryck, who eyed them in turn over the crust of his sandwich and shrugged.

"Well, anyway." Moon continued, breaking the silence again. "Internal magic is exhausting and dangerous. It could destroy you if you go too far. If you've really been using it this whole time, it would explain the strength of your spells, but…"

"You'd be one of the most powerful sorceresses in history." Glossaryck finished in an unusually sober tone. "There's only other person who can use internal magic like you do."

"What?" "Who?!" Janna and Moon asked respectively.

"Me!" He beamed, and took another gargantuan bite of his sandwich.

They sat in silence for a moment, while Janna gave some thought. From what'd been said, she'd definitely been using internal magic - but what made her so special, anyhow?

"Anyways, back to the problem at hand! What you need," Glossaryck said, "is a wand."

Janna grunted in annoyance and laid back to look at the Mewni sky. "It's not like I haven't been looking! They don't exactly grow on trees…"

"A wand…" Queen Moon mused. "That _would_ help you focus your powers, _and_ allow you access to external magic, but…" she pursed her lips. "The Butterfly wand is cleaved. Ludo has half, erm, somehow. And Star probably has the other half." Moon sighed. "Wherever she is.."

Janna cast her thoughts to Marco, who was off with Kelly, trying to find out exactly that. But Glossaryck had other ideas.

* * *

Each time Janna visited the underworld, she found herself just a little bit less enamoured by her macabre surroundings. Indeed, between the clouds of imps, sulfurous air and inhuman temperatures, it was the third time she'd stood on Tom's doorstep, and she'd quite tired of the inhospitable landscape.

When Queen Moon put her finger to the intercom, the crackly drawl of the intercom-demon answered at once. "Hello Queen Moon," he said. "You'll want to come back later."

A distant explosion rocked the ground, and they heard Tom's demonic voice roar in the background. "I don't care _who_ you've had me betrothed to, I'm only 150!"

"It's really not a good time." The intercom demon pointed out unnecessarily.

Moon looked uncomfortable, but Janna pressed foreward. "Can you just tell Tom that Janna's here to see him"

She'd said something wrong, and the demon's voice sharpened. "Janna Russo?" He asked. "No. Get lost."

Moon looked at Janna, confused. "Oh, does he not like you?" Janna, however, suspected that this was less due to Tom's preferences, and more due to a certain Janitor's.

Fortunately, however, the intercom demon's cooperation wasn't necessary. In the background, they heard Tom shout again, this time his voice more normal. "Don't talk to me!" He said angrily. "I'm going out!"

Moon and Janna looked at each other, and a moment later, the chrome gates of the palace split open in front of them, birthing an ornate, flame-painted carriage drawn by a pair of skeletal horses. The two jumped out of the way, and the carriage slowed to a stop next to them.

Tom rolled down the window on one of the doors and looked at them. "Here for me, or my mom?"

"Well, whichever would be -" Moon started, but Janna cut her off.

"You." She said decisively. "Cool horses."

The lock on the door clicked, and Tom swung it open for them.

Janna stepped inside. The carriage was, apparently, larger on the inside, and reminded her of what she'd always imagined a stretch limo would look like, except everything was black, red, or chrome. The demons sure had a thing for chrome.

She flopped down on a seat the size of her living room couch, and Moon settled beside her. Tom allowed the carriage door to snap shut behind him, and with a lurch, they were off.

He produced a pair of sodas from a mini-fridge next to the door, and Janna eagerly took one before even looking at the label. Taking a swig, she nearly gagged - it tasted like grape soda mixed with tomato juice, and on closer examination, looked like blood. With a grimace, she downed another gulp. It was hot in the underworld, and she couldn't exactly summon herself some water! Not without flooding the entire carriage…

They rumbled along quietly for a bit, before Tom broke the silence.

"So, uh, always nice to see you, Janna," He held up a finger, cutting off what was to be a teasing remark. "but what do you want?"

Moon pursed her lips. "Tom, we're here to find a wand."

Tom snorted with laughter and coughed as he felt soda come up his throat. "Pah, yeah, okay." He gasped. "I guess I was looking for a reason to get out of the house for the next few hundred years."

"The shrine, Tom." Moon said pointedly.

"Sure, sure, the shrine, of course!" Tom smirked. "The plan keeps getting better!" He clapped his hands and the carriage abruptly changed direction, throwing Janna into the back of her seat.

"The shrine?" Janna asked, and Moon opened her mouth to explain, but Tom beat her to it.

"It's where people used to make wands, like, a million years ago. We stopped doing it because it stopped working, but I'm sure this'll go great." He said sarcastically.

"Well you're in a good mood," Janna returned, and Tom huffed.

"Have you ever been promised to a stuck-up prince that you don't even like and told you have to spend an eternity with him?"

Janna smirked. "I don't think too many princes would be able to deal with me." Which was true. Jackie was the one who got attention from boys - not that Janna had ever particularly minded. "So, who's the lucky guy?" She asked.

"Girl, thanks." Tom rolled his eyes, which had a dramatic effect considering the third one in his forehead. "Princess Ponyhead," he spat the name as though he was getting something disgusting out of his mouth."

To Janna's surprise, Queen Moon suddenly spoke up. "That obnoxious brat?" She asked. "Good gracious, I don't blame you for resenting Ishtar."

"Yeah," Tom snorted. "If my mom thinks that's gonna happen, she's got another think coming."

There was a moment of silence, and then Moon bridged it. "You know, Tom, you remind me so much of Star, sometimes…"

Tom looked at his feet, apparently lost for words, and stayed that way for a few minutes before finally changing the subject.

"So, what makes you want a wand all of a sudden?" He asked Janna, and she picked at the hem of her armrest.

"Too powerful." She mumbled.

Tom craned an ear. "What was that? Gotta speak up."

"She's too uncontrolled," Moon cut in. "Her internal magic is… well, nothing short of incredible."

"You've been using internal magic this whole time?" Janna looked up at Tom's tone, which wasn't joking or sarcastic, but rather, something that sounded a little bit like awe. She nodded, and he looked her over with a new, more appraising eye. Suddenly, she wished she'd decided to wear something more flattering when she'd gotten up that morning.

"Well, what do you use?" Janna asked. Tom shook his head.

"Demon magic isn't usually like what you're doing. It's more like... " He pondered for a moment. "Using a cheat-code."

The carriage bumped to a halt and Janna looked out her window. "I think we're here."

The three stepped out of the carriage and looked around. In addition to being bigger on the inside, apparently it was quite a bit faster than it looked. Although they'd only been riding for a few minutes, they were now surrounded by craggy black mountains, and the royal palace was nowhere in sight.

Janna looked up. The peaks surrounding them were tall enough to reach the ceiling of ash and smoke, thousands of feet above. Some were oozing lava, others dotted by trees that looked sharper than the rocks.

"Alright, here we are!" Tom snapped his fingers and the horses and carriage disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Lemme see if I remember how to do this… oh, and we'll need the genie."

Janna withdrew her phone and Glossaryck floated out of it. He gave a strong sniff of the air and sighed dreamily. "Ah, brimstone… what a lovely smell."

Tom paced the clearing, and in turn, led each of them to a seemingly random rock, guided their hand to it, and instructed them to stay.

"Wands are very hard to make, and very powerful," Moon, who had been stood right next to Janna, explained. "They're vessels, charged with incredible magical power. There's a lot of very specific conditions you have to meet to make one. Only, no one's made one in a long time. The multiverse used to have much more magic, and, well, the shrines aren't in the best of shape nowadays, but if you're here…"

"And here!" At that moment, Tom placed his own hand on a boulder in the center of the clearing, and the ground began to rumble beneath their feet. Then, his voice deepened and his eyes started to glow, and he began to chant:

 _Ancient stone of blood and bone,_

 _And magic everlasting_

 _Come forth - rise, and recognize,_

 _Your newest lord and master_

 _A demon lord, of magic dark,_

 _Stands proud above your corpse_

 _Rise up, stand tall, resume your form,_

 _Become a tempered source_

Glossaryck, next to him, took up the chant while Tom muttered incantations in tongues.

 _The eldest seer with eldest source,_

 _A power with no equal,_

 _Bears witness to an ancient past_

 _A magic most primeval_

Queen Moon was next, and it occurred to Janna that if she was expected to join in, too, she didn't know the words.

 _The Queen most current, bearing witness,_

 _To an age returning,_

 _She stands undaunted, a paradigm,_

 _Of fortitude enduring_

Janna looked around - Glossaryck's gem was glowing, and Moon was doing more than that - her skin was a pale, glowing blue, and she'd sprouted wings and not one, but two pairs of extra arms, and was fluttering in midair.

Janna opened her mouth to point out that she didn't know what she was supposed to say, but instead, words poured out of her unbidden.

 _The bearer new, a well of strength,_

 _Asks humbly for your aid,_

 _To banish back, attack, destroy_

 _The blackest, darkest shade_

Janna snapped her jaw shut as soon as she could, bewildered. She'd not thought about saying _any_ of those words - and she very much doubted she'd ever "ask humbly" for something in her life. But she was distracted from this by the engraved pillars erupting from the ground around her.

They assembled themselves with a grinding, pounding series of thuds, and she felt her feet shift beneath her as the floor began to rise as well. Before long, the dust had settled, and she looked around.

"It's… Stonehenge?" She wondered out loud.

It wasn't quite Stonehenge. The arches were black, resembled something much closer to actual _arches,_ and there were quite a few more of them. But the general pattern was unmistakable. In the center of the clearing, a four-pronged star had appeared and, in its center, was a yellow, cracked skull of what looked to be some kind of lizard.

"What's a Stonehenge?" Tom asked as he examined things.

"Well, this place is a wreck." Moon said shortly, before Janna could answer. She was looking at the arches, which were chipped and cracked, and ran her hand over some faded, nearly-illegible engravings. A piece of one of the arches cracked above her head and she stepped out of the way as it thudded to her feet.

Janna took a second look around and saw that the place was, indeed, a mess. The underworld's signature chrome was everywhere - there were empty, leaning torch brackets on the walls, incense holders lying askew around the clearing, and short tables that might have once been sacrificial altars. Everything was dull, broken or out of place. The arches were chipped, and the runes which inscribed everything were faded and illegible.

"Told you," Tom said. "The last caretaker went crazy about a thousand years ago, and he wasn't doing the best job before that, so, y'know."

Janna wandered towards the center of the area and stared at the skull. She got the eerie feeling that its empty eye-sockets were looking at her.

"Hang on," she said, and turned towards the two. "What was all that? What was that chant? How did I know the words?"

"Oh, that?" Tom asked. "Ancient password. The guys who built this place weren't crazy about everyone running around with the wands, so they made it so only a few magic wielders could access it. The lord of the realm," he pointed to himself, "the bearer of the first wand," he gestured to Glossaryck, who tapped the crystal in his forehead, "the current Queen of Mewni, the most magical kingdom in the multiverse," he pointed to Moon, "and the person who gets the wand, which is, well, you, I guess…"

Janna frowned. "How did I know the words?"

"Oh, just shrine stuff I guess." Tom shrugged. "I was taught the words as a kid, so I dunno."

"So it wasn't, like, a prophecy?" Janna couldn't help but feel a little put-out at how mundane the answer was. "Kinda sounded like it was about me specifically…"

Tom shrugged, then jumped when Glossaryck piped up behind him. "Excellent!"

They all stared at him, and he beamed. "That's a great sign, Janna! Very good sign."

Tom looked at him, then at Moon, who was apparently sharing his confusion. "Right, well," she said, choosing not to dig into this little factoid, "let's get on with it, then."

She led the way to the star, and each of them took a point. Janna was now directly in front of the skull, and realized that it was _definitely_ looking at her - whether it was doing it on purpose or not.

"What is that?" She asked.

Tom was standing across from her, and looking into the back of the skull's head. "Oh, it's a lizard skull," he said. "Big, ferocious monsters from Mewni. Can regrow their entire bodies from basically nothing. _Really_ hard to beat. That guy there's been here for a few thousand years, now. Probably pretty annoyed about it!" He finished lightly.

"Okay, and… why?" Janna was definitely unnerved at this point.

"Well, that's gonna be your wand." Tom explained. Janna gulped. She'd always thought of skulls and bones as kind of… well, cool, but now that she was staring at one which was most definitely staring back, she was starting to rethink the decision - and she definitely wasn't sure about carrying it around on the end of a stick.

"Wands are made from powerful vessels," Queen Moon explained again. "Things that can hold a lot of magic. The wand of Mewni uses a crystal we found thousands of years ago. But the underworld wands have always been fond of… bones. They make the most powerful wands, but there are… side effects..." She, too, was giving the skull uneasy looks.

"Alright, well, let's get this show on the road!" Glossaryck apparently had no such reservations, and placed his hands on his point of the star. "Janna, just concentrate on filling the skull with magic. It'll take a lot and might end horribly, but there's no points for not trying!"

With that, he closed his eyes and concentrated, and a beam of purple energy shot out of the crystal in his forehead, straight into the skull. It rattled and clattered in its place at the center of the table, but otherwise seemed unchanged.

"If this goes wrong, I'm telling my mom it was you guys' fault." Tom joined in, his eyes glowing and his hands igniting in a harsh red flame, which he touched to the table. It raced up the center of his point of the star like he'd ignited a line of gasoline, and joined Glossaryck's.

Moon was still staring apprehensively at the skull, and gave a sigh. "I'm not sure about this…" she muttered, and put her hands forward. A beam of pale blue surged out of them, and into the skull.

Janna looked back at it, and definitely saw a difference. It was as though a scaly skin was growing up from around the base of it and being pushed back, then rolling up again like a tide. The three different colors of magic were swirling around in its eye sockets, forming what decisively looked like pupils.

"Uh, guys," Janna said, and Glossaryck interrupted.

"Too late to stop now, Janna!" He sounded just a bit like a mad scientist on the verge of discovery.

Janna, too, put her hands forward, closed her eyes, and concentrated. She dug deep down, to that part of her brain where she felt a tug whenever she cast a spell. Only this time, she didn't cast a spell. Instead, she just focused - like she was putting her hand down a deep well, she began to draw energy up from within herself, and she channeled it, feeling it move down to her fingertips - then out.

With a blast, her eyes snapped open and she felt the tug become a relentless pull as a neon-pink tunnel of light blew out of her hands. It collided with the skull with a loud, pure tone, and wrapped around it like a ball.

Janna's beam was easily twice as large as any of the others'. She could already feel the tingle of fatigue creeping up on her, and as she looked around, she saw that the shrine had lit up. The star that the skull sat on was adorned with ornate, jagged runes and markings, glowing a pure white. The pillars and arches around the clearing were lit up as well, ancient incantations glowing bright red.

But the shrine was indeed in bad shape. The runic markings around the clearing were incomplete, and the star's were flickering as if there was a bad light bulb in the center pillar.

She could see the others struggling to maintain their beams. Tom was sweating and shaking, and Moon had reverted to her insect-like form, all six arms now pointed at the center of the table. Glossaryck, in his meditative stance, didn't seem too phased - though he had a look of deep concentration.

After several minutes of this, Janna could feel her knees slowly turning to jelly, and her arms were wobbling from the strain. The tug in her head was beginning to feel less like a tug, and more like a severe headache. But she was hardly the worst off.

Tom was hunched over the table, struggling to stand, and his eyes were no longer glowing while he looked blankly at the space in front of him. The flames coming from his hands were getting smaller and smaller, and beginning to flicker.

Moon was, for lack of a better word, wilting - she looked thinner and more wasted, and Janna was reminded of how she'd been when they'd pulled her out of the cell at the bottom of Ludo's castle, months ago.

Glossaryck still looked unphased, though he was now sitting on the edge of the star rather than floating.

"Guys!" Janna yelled over the rushing beams. "Shouldn't something have happened by now?"

"Um, yes!" Glossaryck shouted back. "But it's too late to stop now, so we'd better just keep going. We need more magic, the skull is consuming it too fast!"

Janna concentrated harder, and she staggered as she felt a stab of pain in her head. Her beam widened a bit, and it was all she could do to stay standing.

Tom, though, gave in. His beam dissipated entirely and he fell to the ground on his side.

"Tom!" Janna shouted at him, and he didn't respond.

"Don't worry about him, Janna!" Glossaryck said directly. She'd never heard him take such a commanding tone. "Keep concentrating on your beam."

Queen Moon collapsed next, crumpling like Tom, and the hum of magic became a shriek. Something had changed with her absence - Janna could feel the magic she was putting out begin to 'back up,' like she'd been pouring it down the drain and someone had just stuffed a stopper into it.

"Keep going!" Glossaryck said. He sounded worried, and that made Janna worried. "Janna, you have to do this! I'm going to let go of the skull - pour everything you have into it!"

Janna could hardly form the words to protest, and suddenly, Glossaryck severed his own beam. The skull screamed, and Janna screamed.

Her world was suddenly pain, like the base of her skull was splitting open, and she could see a sickly green energy pulsing its way up her stream of magic, infecting it, reaching out towards her…

She pushed back, harder, even when her knees gave out. She used one hand to support herself, leaned on her tip of the star, and kept her other hand outstretched. Her beam, even from one hand, was getting wider. It felt like someone was bashing the back of her head with a hammer, but she was forcing herself back onto the skull, beating it back, subjecting it, making _it_ feel what _she_ was feeling -

 _BOOM_

Janna felt herself blown off her feet as the nexus of magic exploded out, and her head cracked against the hard stone floor. Through blurry vision, she could see the shrine crumbling to pieces around her, sinking back into the floor - she could feel herself sinking as well, sinking into the ground like it was quicksand…

And then everything went black.

* * *

When Janna next awoke, she immediately registered a few things.

First, her entire body felt like someone had put it through a taffy stretcher, and her head still felt like someone was hitting it with a hammer - albeit a little more softly than before. Second, Moon and Tom were still unconscious next to her. Third, Glossaryck was meditating in front of her, and his crystal was glowing brightly with energy.

Fourth, they were now overlooking the shrine from a cliff a few feet above it - or, rather, what had been the shrine when Janna had last been awake. In its place there was a sinkhole that had slowly consumed everything around it, rocks and pillars melting down into it like quicksand.

Fifth, there was something coming out of it as well. Glossaryck's magic was apparently siphoning something away from it, and into a steadily-growing pool in the next clearing. It had the rough look and consistency of used motor oil, though Janna could see streaks of colors that shouldn't have been there - pink, blue, red and purple, like all their magic had melted to sludge.

Janna groaned and closed her eyes as her head throbbed again. Maybe this problem would take care of itself, and she could just go back to sleep - just for a few more minutes…

"So this is pretty bad." Glossaryck had apparently seen her wake up, despite the fact that his eyes had been closed the entire time, and he sounded nervous. Janna cracked a lid and saw that he'd given up his efforts, though, and was now floating next to her.

"Let someone else get it," she mumbled and closed it again, ready to sink back into the bliss of unconsciousness.

"Janna, seriously." Glossaryck said directly. "This is really, really bad."

Janna said nothing, paying far more attention to just how much it felt like someone had run over her with a tractor, and Glossaryck groaned. "Alright, fine, here." She heard him snap his fingers, and her pain subsided somewhat. It now felt less like she'd been hit by a car, and more like she'd been hit by a… particularly fast pack of bicyclists.

Still, though, she sat up, and saw that Glossaryck had gone back to watching the sinkhole.

Tom stirred next to her with a grumbling moan, and pressed a hand to his forehead. "Man, talk about hung-over." He cracked an eye and caught Janna's face. "What? I can drink, I'm literally over 100 years old."

Janna decided not to waste energy debating this, and he sat up and shook his head, then sobered up quickly when he saw the sinkhole. "Well, that's pretty bad." He said. He sounded just as worried as Glossaryck.

"That's what he said," Janna pointed to the genie and laid back on the rocks. "Why?"

"Well, if that's going where I think it's going, it's probably going to blow up Mewni." Tom said matter of factly. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go talk to my mom." He stood up, snapped his fingers and disappeared in a pillar of flame.

Moon woke up a moment later. "Ugh, why do I let River talk me into corn-ale…" she muttered, and massaged her forehead in a similar way to Tom. "Wait a minute," she froze, then sat up sharply, her eyes snapping open.

"Oh dear, that's -"

"Pretty bad, I know." Janna finished.

Moon looked around. "Tom went to talk to his mother?"

Janna nodded.

"Good, she might be our only chance. Glossaryck, I assume we'll need to go down there?"

Glossaryck nodded as well. "You'll need to guide Janna, there's someone I need to go see."

With that, his gem glowed and a purple portal appeared in front of him, which he floated through without another word.

Janna's confusion almost matched her headache - and the first certainly wasn't helping the second. "What's going on?" She asked.

"I'll explain on the way, but we need to get down the hole. Can you -" Moon asked, and Janna grimaced as they both stood up. The last thing she wanted was to do more magic, but something told her that she was going to end up dead pretty quick if she didn't suck it up.

 _"Levitato."_ They were both floating a few inches off the ground, and her brain gave a fresh throb, which she did her best to ignore. She shunted them out over the clearing and down into the hole, and dropped them as soon as the ground looked solid enough to support them.

The tunnel went on for as far as she could see, and was dripping with the same substance that Glossaryck had been trying to siphon out of it. It spattered over them both immediately, but to her surprise, it disappeared as soon as it made contact with her. She even felt her headache recede slightly, like she was being coated in a salve for her brain. And it glimmered slightly as well - just enough to see by.

Moon wasn't so lucky in the staying-clean department, and made noises of disgust as her head and shoulders were quickly stained brown with the liquid. She turned to Janna and raised an eyebrow in surprise at her own state, before they both started walking.

"So, you said you'd explain?" Janna prompted after a few minutes of quiet. She was still dead tired and would've liked nothing better than a portal home and a two-day nap, but the slime was helping her to feel a little more like herself and a little less like she'd just run a marathon through a volcano.

Moon nodded. "Well, to start, that was an awful idea. I should have stopped us as soon as I saw the skull. Wand-making is a very magic-intense process, and if you don't have the - well, the magic - things can go wrong. If we'd used a crystal, it would've just exploded, but, well…"

Janna remembered the green energy that had tried to creep up her magic beam. "So that thing, whoever it used to be, was trying to fight?"

"The incantation Tom gave is more than a password." Moon said. "It's a promise. Each of our types of magic serves a purpose in making the wand. Glossaryck's would have given it a shape, Tom would have made it subservient, I would have connected it to the magic of the multiverse, and you would have connected it to your bloodline."

"My blood?" Janna asked.

"Your blood _line._ " Moon corrected. "You're obviously some kind of royalty, and Glossaryck knows it. It's the only way you'd have so much internal magic. People outside the royal families can use wands, if they steal them, or… corrupt them." Moon's face drifted, presumably thinking of a certain enemy. "But they're never as effective as they are in the hands of their linked lineage, and they're definitely not able to produce internal magic like you can."

Janna took some time to process this. She had no idea where she came from, and wondered if her mom knew. As far as she knew, her family was at least some part italian - but royalty? That was a bit of a stretch. She put it out of her mind. Moon was probably just making a guess.

"So what happened?" Janna asked.

"Well, I have no idea." Moon said bluntly. "Tom and I passed out, but you and Glossaryck kept feeding it magic. No one's tried to make a wand in thousands of years, and I don't think this has ever happened before. As far as I can tell, Glossaryck was trying to make the bond between you and the wand so strong, it would make up for losing the two of us. And he certainly gave it _some_ kind of form. But I think all we did was wake it up, and without a connection to the magical multiverse from me," she gestured to the tunnel around them, which was still absolutely drenched with the oil-like substance. "I think it's hungry."

"So, where are we going, then?" Janna asked.

"The magic core of Mewni." Moon said. "The creature must be able to sense it. But if it manages to tear it open, to feed on it…" she shuddered. "The damage would be catastrophic."

The two thought on this for a bit, and Janna got the sense that they should be moving faster, but she didn't want to leave Moon behind - and she still wasn't exactly feeling back to 100%, herself.

"You did great, incidentally." Moon mused. "With your part in the wand-making, I mean." She said in answer to Janna's confused look. "You have an incredible power. If the rest of us had been able to do our part, I have no doubt that we would've been able to finish the wand. But, it's as I said - magic is far weaker than it used to be, thousands of years ago. No one's quite sure why."

Janna elected to stop thinking about this - and about the fact that she might be royalty, whatever that meant, and the fact that they were about to presumably go fight a powerful, extremely angry magic entity that would almost certainly kill them both. It was really better to just stop thinking, her headache assured her, as much as possible.

After what felt like an hour of walking, the tunnel began to widen, and the ground shook beneath their feet. Janna managed to keep herself upright, but Moon went sprawling, and slid a few feet in the muck before Janna grabbed her hand. A dim scream echoed from the end of the tunnel.

"So, battle plan." Moon said matter of factly. Janna had to give her credit - the queen was probably feeling as bad or worse than she was, but she put on quite a tough act. "It's made mostly of your magic, so it might answer to you. I'll do my best to secure the magic source, but it will be up to you to contain… whatever it is. Understood?"

It occurred to Janna that the queen had just told her she'd be fighting the whatever-it-was by herself, but she nodded anyway.

There was another scream, and Janna could now see cracks and lines of magic energy rimming the tunnel. Anywhere the oil touched, the magic went dim, and in some places, its glow had died completely.

But whatever they were expecting to find at the bottom of the tunnel, they were _not_ prepared for what actually awaited them.

They realized too late that the creature had tunneled in through the top of a cave - with a slip and a slide, they were both out over thin air. Janna just managed to catch them before they hit the ground, but was so preoccupied with what she saw that she dropped Moon immediately.

The cave would've been beautiful, she suspected, had her sentient wand not done its best to completely destroy it. Ornate stone formations were lying in ruins, and oil drenched the walls and covered the floor, nearly waist deep. More of the magical energy branched up and out towards the ceiling, still humming and glowing despite it all - though rapidly fading away from the topmost points.

The creature itself - the thing that would have been a wand - was a bipedal giant that seemed to be made entirely of the oil, and was by far the largest thing that Janna had ever considered fighting. The only other time she'd seen something so enormous and powerful, it'd been a 25-foot tall christmas spirit thirsting for vengeance, and considering the monstrosity before her, she would've taken a fight with Corrupted Christmas Caroline any day of the week.

The oil was coming off of it in waves, splashing down onto the floor around it and further filling the cavern. She caught glances of what had been the skull they were trying to enchant, sitting engorged on its mountainous shoulders without much of a neck inbetween. Green, scaly flesh was covering about a third of it, but wasn't trying to advance further.

It spared a glance at Janna when she accidentally let Moon splash down into the pool - one eye was completely black, with a yellow iris. The other was a swirl of the same magical energy that she'd seen inside it when they'd cast the spell - a beautiful spiral of her, Tom's, Moon's and Glossaryck's energies, like someone had liquified a pack of crayons and then put them into a washing machine.

Seeing her, it resumed scratching and digging at the floor between its feet, and that was when Janna noticed something even more bizarre.

Whatever the magic nexus normally looked like, it seemed to have been completely iced over. A black, latticed sheet of brittle-looking ice hissed against the creature's hands, and seemed to repel the oil as well - the wand-thing could only touch it for a few moments before its fingers dissolved and it gave a howl of pain, and the pool of oil that it was standing in formed a wall around it - it just couldn't get close. A pool of glittering energy shimmered dully underneath it.

Moon stood up and saw what was going on, and gave a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank goodness."

"So it's not supposed to be like that?" Janna asked.

"No, and I'm not sure why it is, but if it means that thing can't get to it, it's a relief." Moon said, and Janna realized just how hard it had been for her to hold it together - she looked like she was about to collapse into the pool.

Unfortunately, the wand-creature hadn't gotten the memo that the nexus was closed for business - it gave another scream and pounded both of its fists into the glassy ice. Janna realized that the lattice wasn't a lattice - the ice was cracking as the barrier started to come apart.

With no better solution, the monster raised its arms again and Janna shouted "HEY!" as loud as she could.

The monster turned towards her and froze for a moment. It definitely saw her - but chose to ignore her, as it pounded into the pool again. Once again the ground shook, and the cracks lengthened.

Janna hovered towards it, and, steeling herself, put herself directly atop the pool. She could feel the ice through her shoes. It was bitterly cold.

The monster raised its fists again, and Janna readied herself to try and stop it - but the monster didn't strike. Instead it gave a sort of high-pitched whine, reached towards Janna as though to try and sweep her aside, and stopped short of doing just that. The enormous, oily hand was easily large enough to crush her where she stood, but it stopped before touching her. Oil dripped down onto the ice like a light rain, where it sizzled and bounced off in every direction.

Slowly, it reached towards Janna, and despite herself, she was also curious what would happen. Instead of colliding with her, she passed through what felt like a sticky shower. She could feel herself absorbing anything that came into contact with her, and it was like she'd taken a shot of espresso after a nap - her aches started to disappear, she felt more awake, more alive, even _buzzing_ with energy.

The creature, curious, leaned in to examine her, and she thought she saw some kind of intelligence behind its formed eye. It took another swipe, faster this time, and once again, the hand passed around Janna - completely harmless.

"Woah!" She felt like she'd grown three inches, and used her levitation spell to put herself at eye level with the monster. It raised its hands as a result, ready to strike the ice again now that she wasn't blocking it.

"No no no!" She zoomed back down over it and the thing let out a frustrated noise, stopping short of hitting it, and swatted at Janna again.

This time when the hand passed around her her, she swerved up a few feet into the air against her will, and started to feel like she was running a fever. Her head was buzzing. She still felt amazing, but she also felt hot, and she suspected that if she absorbed too much more energy, it'd be pretty bad.

"Good job Janna, keep it up!" Moon had splashed over to the edge of the ice pool and placed her hands against it, and began mumbling an incantation. The cracks in the ice began to fade.

The monster screamed again and, regardless of Janna's presence, made to swipe at Moon. Janna got close and, for lack of a better option, gave her a tight hug.

It worked - sort of. Moon sputtered and stopped chanting as she was doused with the oil, but didn't move. Janna, meanwhile, felt like her head was about to explode, and she took deep breaths.

Moon made to start chanting again, but Janna levitated her away from the pool and together, they shot across the room so fast that she almost gave herself whiplash.

She dropped Moon back down into the oil and was careful not to touch any of the liquid herself. Moon looked at her questioningly, but seemed to recognize what was going on immediately.

"You have to buy time," she said. "Glossaryck and Tom will be here soon, I'm sure of it!"

The creature screeched and scratched the floor again, effectively undoing the little progress Moon had made. The entire cavern shook, and they heard a pair of shouts. From above their heads, another tunnel dumped out - Janna noticed a metal ladder had been placed in the wall, like that was the _intended_ access point. A pair of figures came plummeting down out of it, falling into the water with a splash. A few drops hit Janna, and she jumped a few inches further into the air as a result.

Amidst the spluttering and coughing, Janna could make out an unmistakably teal head of hair, and a red hoodie.

"Marco? Kelly?" She asked in relieved confusion. She'd never been more glad to see a pair of people in her life.

* * *

 **And that's that! Hope you liked it! Lots of the deepest lore this week. The next half of the chapter is already finished and will be posted next week. It'll take a look at what Marco and Kelly have been up to, and conclude things. We split it into two parts in the interest of length.**

 **Do you prefer shorter chapters that can be read quickly, or longer ones that you can chew on? Let us know, SKL and I disagree on this point.**

 **You can visit our tumblr to read the full chapter a week early: therussohousehold(dottumblr)dotcom.**

 **We've also commissioned several pieces of excellent fanart, including one of Joleen finding her first crystal and, later this week/next week, one of Janna, Tom, Moon and Glossaryck at the shrine, enchanting the skull. Keep an eye out for it!**

 **Appreciate your reviews and feedback! See you all next week - for real this time!**


	25. S2 C4-2: Wave Of A Wand (P2)

**Here's the second half of last week's work. I recommend you reread C4 for better context.**

 **Shoutout to anon for some ninja-proofing a couple days ago. You the man.**

* * *

Marco was rapidly growing to dislike what he'd privately come to call "the Janna experience."

The Janna experience went something like this: he'd tag along with Janna as she went to do something, because (although he didn't admit it), he enjoyed her company, had nothing better going on, and wanted to keep her out of trouble.

Then something would happen. Maybe it was according to plan, maybe not, but something would happen and he'd end up fighting for his life in a set of extremely dubious circumstances, wind up exhausting himself as he tried to confront an enemy he was _totally_ under-qualified to be dealing with, and either escape by a hair, or be rescued by some other, much-more-capable person. Like Janna, who could do magic. Or Kelly, who fought monsters all the time - and was currently running in front of him, going through the exact same experience.

Except that, even though he didn't like admitting it to himself, Marco actually _loved_ doing this stuff. The action, the adventure, the excitement - for someone who'd done nothing but train in a strip-mall dojo and ace tests for 10 years, the part that he chose not to tell himself was just how addicting the experience was, and just how much he looked forward to repeating it.

Ahead of him, Kelly's bushy green head of hair was leading its way down the craggy, pine-covered slopes of a Mewnian mountaintop as they tried, desperately, to understand why her dimensional scissors weren't working.

They paused behind a massive pine trunk, gasping for breath, and Kelly snipped the scissors through the air again.

"Nothing." She said, and the two shared a disappointed look.

At Queen Moon's request, Marco had followed up on a lead she'd thought of - while Moon and Glossaryck were training Janna in a field, somewhere, Marco and Kelly had portalled away as soon as they'd arrived on Mewni, seeking a magical mountaintop clock-maker in the hopes of unravelling even a small part of what they'd taken to calling "Star's Riddle."

Unfortunately, they quickly learned the old man was as cuckoo as some of his clocks. They'd watched as he'd gone from a toddler to an old man in the space of a minute, then back again. Then he'd gotten mad at their mention of _stopping_ a clock and started throwing his creations at them - not that he'd been particularly coherent to begin with.

As soon as the two had caught their breath, they heard the crazy old man shout somewhere behind their hiding place. Something shattered against a nearby trunk, and they watched it shrink from a thousand-year-old behemoth to a tiny sapling. Then, slowly, it started to thicken and shoot back up.

"So now what?" Marco asked as they took off again. They could hear rushing and crashing only a few meters behind them.

Kelly gave him a glance. "I donno," she said, "maybe he'll get struck by lightning."

On cue, the cloudy sky above them broke open in a torrent of rain, and they were both immediately drenched to the bone.

"Why aren't your scissors working?" Marco shouted over the noise.

"What?!" Kelly replied. They could hear a crack of thunder, and a toddler started to scream in the woods behind them. Remarkably, they could then hear him as he started to head back up towards the peak.

The two kept running, though, until their lungs were fit to burst, and took what shelter they could beneath the spindly boughs of the pine trees around them. Kelly's vibrant hair had deflated from its normal bush and instead formed a solid drapery around her body. She withdrew the scissors before they could slide completely out of it, and ran them through the air again.

"Earth's gone!" Kelly shouted over the rain.

"Gone?" Marco roared back.

"Scissors only stop working if the place you're trying to get to doesn't exist or you don't know where it is!" she explained.

"Could your scissors just be broken?" Marco asked, and Kelly shook her head. The effect was spectacular as curtains of water flew away from her. Then, she ran the scissors through the air one more time, and, miraculously, a teal portal appeared in front of them. They both stumbled through immediately and it zipped shut behind them.

They'd reappeared in what seemed to be a rather comfy-looking one room apartment.

"Why didn't you do that in the first place?" Marco detached his drenched hoodie and placed it on a coat rack next to the front door.

"You said 'we should go back to Earth,'" Kelly explained, "so I tried to take us back to Earth. And now we're dripping all over my house."

A sofa, armchair and set of small tables dominated the room, with a Kelly-sized bed pushed off in a corner. A little kitchenette lined the back wall. Although the floor and walls were bare, cobbled stone, the clashing furniture looked fairly modern. A small side-door even showed a stock-standard Earthen bathroom.

Kelly snatched a pair of towels from it and tossed one to Marco before grabbing a bucket from next to the door and wringing out her hair. "This happens pretty often," she explained as Marco dried himself off.

"It's a nice place," he observed, and Kelly smiled at him.

"Bought it with those fight proceeds," she replied. Tying back her now-slightly-less-wet-hair into a ponytail, she walked over to the back wall and produced what were unmistakably a pair of very Earthly water bottles from the kitchen. She handed one to Marco before draining the other and flopping down on the couch.

Marco took a glance out one of the hut's small windows. The town outside was a lot like what he imagined 12th century Europe looked like.

"Sure beats livin' in a cave." Kelly kicked her feet up onto a table and sighed as she relaxed. "Earth-stuff knows how to kick it."

A pair of monsters was passing by outside, shepherding a cart drawn by a giant lizard. Marco wrenched his thoughts from this and turned himself back to the problem at hand. Kelly's scissors were now lying on the table next to her feet, and he ran them through the air to no effect.

"Not good." He muttered and began pacing. "Seriously not good! The Earth can't be gone, I have school tomorrow! What about my parents? What about Janna's parents? What about _Jackie?"_

The scissors flashed through the air again, still to no effect, and Marco sped up.

Kelly cracked an eyelid. "Dude, y'gotta relax. This stuff works itself out! She yawned. "Usually."

Marco wasn't listening. "Janna," he punched his open hand defiantly. "It's always Janna! She must've done something, but she can fix it. Let's go get her."

He snapped the scissors again and remembered the plains where Moon had portalled everyone in. A portal appeared immediately.

Kelly stood up and stretched, wishing very much they could've stuck around her apartment and relaxed for a bit, before Marco grabbed her wrist (and his hoodie from next to the door) and pulled her through.

Only, when they stepped out on the other side, all they found was a grassy field swaying in the breeze.

"Great!" Marco stormed. "And she's not here! Now what?" He fell on his back, defeated.

Kelly shrugged and enjoyed the feeling of the breeze as it dried her hair. "Donno dude. Guess the Earth is gone forever."

Marco moaned pathetically, and Kelly shook her head before offering a hand up.

"Fine… c'mon, I know a place where we can go."

* * *

Stepping out of the portal, the two were immediately pulled apart by an angry throng of Mewmans and monsters aslike. Marco could just make out the name of the run-down looking building in front of them: "The Interdimensional Scissor Rental and Licensing Agency."

Marco saw Kelly's unmistakable bush of hair bobbing through the crowd towards it, and he threaded his way along behind her.

"Oops! Ow! Excuse me! Coming thorough! Watch the eyestalks!" The crowd's roar around Marco was incoherent, but he got the distinct impression that he and Kelly weren't the only ones having problems with their scissors.

Kelly's hair forced its way inside the building's tilted front doors, and Marco squeezed past the final few burly monsters and followed.

Inside, a sitting area was packed with more residents, but in stark contrast to the raging crowd outside, everyone was completely silent. Some were even sleeping. It wasn't hard to see why - a pair of 10 foot tall security trolls were walking around holding billyclubs, glaring at anyone who so much as whispered.

At the front wall, a set of narrow booths manned by turtle-like creatures was seeing to the lobby's inhabitants. A sign on the wall next to them read, "Please be quiet and courteous!" Below it, a bloated toad perched on a ticker: "Please take a number! You will be #947. Now Serving #185."

One of the Mewmans at the desks forced his way past Marco and outside with a very disgruntled look on his face, and the toad gave its sign a languid lick: "Now Serving #186."

Marco spotted Kelly surveying the lobby and gave her a tap on the shoulder, and she pressed a finger to her lips and gestured at the trolls. Making to lead him back outside, she evidently saw the shouting mob and thought better of it - instead diverting them to a side door for what was unmistakably a women's restroom.

Marco did his very best to avoid looking around, but couldn't help noticing that, like at Kelly's house, the restroom was very Earthlike, and unmistakably the most modern part of the building.

"Well, this place is packed." Kelly chose to point out the obvious - though, Marco noticed, the same could not be said of the restroom, which seemed to be nearly empty. "So there goes my idea. And the turtles are new. Must be Ludo's "Monster Worker" initiative." She made air quotes and rolled her eyes. "And I thought this place was slow before…"

Marco started pacing in the entryway, and a mewman woman gave him a dirty look as she hurried out past him.

"You didn't flush!" He shouted after her, before resuming his pacing. "I don't get it," he mused. "Everyone's scissors stopped working. But only to get off Mewni. They still work to get around. Has anything like this ever happened before?"

Kelly shook her head, and he continued.

"Well there's no way everyone is trying to get to Earth, so it must be everywhere…Kelly, is there some way someone could've isolated Mewni from everywhere else?"

Kelly shrugged, and behind her, the door opened again. The same woman was standing there, one of the security trolls bending down to look into the doorway behind her. "Excuse me," he said in a deep voice. "This is the women's restroom."

Kelly pulled on Marco's arm and pushed out past the troll and the triumphant-looking Mewman woman, and behind her, they heard the troll say "now go flush."

Kelly giggled, then leaned in next to Marco's ear to whisper when the other troll looked over at them. "I have no idea. But I think there's a way we can find out…"

* * *

When Kelly had told Marco they were going to the "deepest, most ancientest source of magic on all of Mewni," he'd envisioned some kind of glimmering, glowing pool, or a glowing magic orb, or a fountain spraying liquid gold, or maybe an ancient creature that slept most of the time.

What he hadn't expected was a long-abandoned, spider-adorned mineshaft in an otherwise-unremarkable forest. And yet, when he stepped out of the portal that Kelly had made for them, that was exactly where they were.

"Are we in the right place?" He asked her, and she nodded.

"I came here with Star a couple of years ago. The closer we get, the harder it is to get the scissors to work right. And believe me, we do _not_ want to get lost down here."

She pushed aside some cobwebs and a cluster of spiders fell down from the ceiling before skittering off along the forest floor. Then she lifted the metal barricade that barred the entrance, and gestured Marco inside before slamming it shut behind them.

Immediately, they found themselves in pitch-black darkness, and Marco wished for the millionth time that he'd bit the bullet and asked his parents for a new phone.

"Oh, hang on." Kelly's voice was somewhere off to his left, and he heard her rummaging through her hair. "There we go." There was a click, and she appeared, holding a little pen-light. It wasn't much, but it was just enough to see by. She handed another to Marco.

"This way," she led the way down, and into the mine they went.

For an abandoned mineshaft, there wasn't much in the way of equipment. A few times, Marco stumbled over the ancient head of a shovel or a pickaxe, but he didn't see much in the way of the other stereotypical equipment. No minecart that they could ride to the center of the Earth, or rickety tracks leading over massive pits in the ground. It was just a long, dark, smooth tunnel, leading down.

"Mewmans discovered this place thousands of years ago." Kelly narrated. "The royal heirs go on pilgrimage here when they get old enough. That's how I know about it. Last time we were here there were giant spiders all over the place -" Marco froze in his tracks and looked around frantically. "-but it looks like they're all gone now, so that's cool."

"Is it this dark all the way down?" Marco stumbled again when his foot hit a loose rock.

"Well, yeah, but usually you've got a wand," Kelly mentioned, "so it's not too bad. Probably should've brought some better lights though…"

On this thought, they continued their downward trek, and Marco started to see signs of spiders - tattered webs hung from the ceiling, and crisscrossed the catacomb-like tunnels. Fortunately, most of them looked almost as old as the decaying scraps of equipment - once or twice they even found a skeleton, bleached yellow with age and long-since decayed.

The mine tunnels twisted and turned off on every side, and every few minutes the two were faced with a new fork, but Kelly led confidently, and hummed to herself as she walked. "There's an old Mewman nursery rhyme they tell the heirs, so they don't get lost." She explained. They'd come across an intersection with no less than four different tunnels branching off in front of them, and Kelly had chosen without hesitation.

"How far down is this place, anyway?" Marco asked. It felt like they'd been walking for miles, and although his eyes had adjusted to the dark, he didn't feel like they were approaching anywhere particularly magical - rather, he was expecting at any moment to run into a dead end, enormous cavern or even lava lake.

"Deep." Kelly said. "The Mewmans dug for decades before they found it. They were mining iron, I think? Or maybe it was corn-salts..."

Ahead, the passageway started to get lighter - not by much, but Marco was so used to the dark that it may as well have been a spotlight. Kelly, though, frowned. "Well that's not right, we're not there yet…"

Instead, they emerged into the biggest cave they'd yet found. It wasn't much larger than Marco's house, but after the claustrophobic tunnels, that was still pretty impressive.

Then they saw what was making the light, and Kelly jumped behind a rock. Marco, however, wasn't so lucky.

A wooden fort stood against one of the walls of the cavern, presumably blocking the pair's progression forward, and monsters of all shapes and sizes were on guard duty. A few torches were interspersed among some bare yellow light bulbs, and Marco cast a shadow ten times his height. A guard saw him immediately.

There was a shout, an alarm clanged, and the gates opened instantly as armored soldiers all marshalled out of it. Behind Marco, a door in the ceiling boomed shut. Marco backed up behind Kelly's rock as the monsters approached, only to find she was gone.

Disregarding this point, Marco took stock of the platoon approaching him. Every monster was clad in metal armor and carrying a weapon, and moved like a trained unit. If he fought, it wasn't going to be a brawl like he was used to. He'd literally be taking on a small army.

So instead, he raised his hands and bowed his head. The unit surrounded him, and cold shackles were placed on his wrists without so much as a question. Then he was marched back into the camp.

Freaking Janna Experiences.

The gates rolled open, and Marco kept a careful eye out for Kelly, but she was nowhere to be found. He suspected that she was waiting for the right moment - there was no way she could've disappeared back up the tunnel before the door shut behind them.

The camp itself was quite impressive, if also incredibly cluttered, and Marco took a keen look around. He spotted a barracks and armory, and a smaller, fresh tunnel was dug straight up at one of the edges to make room for a primitive elevator. It seemed the monsters were fully embracing whatever technology they could get their hands on.

More bizarrely, though, were the various instruments and devices that presumably the camp was serving to guard. Each one was wheeled as though it moved regularly, and shared the sprockets and containers that Marco remembered from when they'd rescued Queen Moon. Something to do with capturing magic.

He didn't have time to get a closer look, though. His hands were fastened above his head at the back wall of the cave, and he was left to stand there, staring at the side of a tent, a burly-looking rat-creature standing careful watch.

And that was it. No interrogation, no attention, no real interest at all. He just stood there while his legs started to hurt and his arms started to go numb. There was still no sign of Kelly, and he couldn't even see the camp proper with the tent in the way.

For lack of anything better to do, he started to count cracks in the floor, memorize the tufts of hair on his guard, or imagine what Janna was up to, up on the surface. They hadn't told anyone they were coming down here, and he wondered if anyone else who could help him even knew the camp existed. Maybe Kelly had found a way out, and was going to find help.

Once, he requested water, and the guard summarily ignored him as if he hadn't asked.

After what Marco estimated was over an hour, there was a bustle in the camp and he looked up from where he'd been examining a particularly interesting clump of gravel at his feet. The monster that was guarding him suddenly stiffened, and an extra pair of sentries rounded the tent and stood at attention. Striding in behind them was the creature that Marco had seen leading them a few times before. Ludo. Or maybe Toffee? He'd have to ask Moon what this guy's deal was, later. Or Kelly.

The boss's eyes were glowing green, and he seemed taller than the last time Marco had fought him. Although his head and left shoulder's arm were much like what Marco remembered, the rest of him was overgrown in scaly hide. His legs were longer than the last time Marco had seen him, and his right arm was as oddly proportioned as ever. There was a faint glimmer in the creature's longer hand, and Marco caught a glimpse of the piece of wand. The middle finger on the hand was still missing. Overall, he gave the impression of something in the middle of metamorphosis - still changing and growing, but almost complete.

He was wearing a tiny little three-piece suit, which only added to his ridiculousness - though he'd at least shaved the beard.

"Hello." Toffee's dry voice came out of Ludo's beak, which still seemed so wrong compared to what the creature looked like. "You're Marco, right? I don't believe we've formally met. I am Toffee." He offered his wand-hand, and Marco glared at him, his own wrists still bound above his head.

"Oh, yes, of course." Toffee nodded to Marco's guard, and it immediately jumped up onto Marco's shoulder (as it was less than a third of his height) and unbound his shackles from the wall.

Marco's hands dropped down in front of him, completely free, and began to tingle. He made no move to run - he probably would've made it 3 meters at most. Toffee stretched out his hand again, but Marco still just glared at it. Toffee sighed in resignation and snapped his fingers to his sentries, who fetched a pair of stools from the tent behind them.

Toffee sat upon one as it was placed behind him, which looked ridiculous. Although the stool hardly went to Marco's knees, Ludo's feet - even with the extensions offered by Toffee's metamorphosis - still didn't touch the floor.

He gestured for Marco to do the same, and Marco begrudgingly obliged, though only because his legs were hurting from standing for so long.

"I think we got off on the wrong foot, Marco." Toffee said. "You'll have to forgive Ludo, he may have been a bit... overzealous in chasing down his magic book. Your friend just happened to get caught in the crossfire. Janna, right?"

Marco said nothing and stared straight ahead. Toffee sighed again.

"Marco, I apologize for whatever damage my men may have caused you, but I'm ready to make amends! We don't need to be enemies. This has been a rather… embarrassing misunderstanding."

He paused, waiting for a response, but Marco said nothing and continued to stare straight ahead. Undeterred, Toffee continued.

"I'll be honest Marco, I was very surprised to learn that _you_ , of all people, had found your way down here. And alone at that. Fortunately, a few of the guards recognized you from our last, ah, 'meeting.' Frederick here was the first." He nodded to Marco's rat guard. "You broke his jaw the last time you saw him. I believe he now experiences quite a bit of pain when he opens his mouth."

Marco spared a glance at the rat-thing with a pang of remorse, and now saw that the scowl on its face might not have been entirely due to attitude - rather, its jaw didn't seem to have quite healed properly.

"Sorry." Marco said shortly. "He hit first."

Toffee nodded. "Following orders, like a good soldier." The rat stood a little straighter.

"So, Marco, I think you'll find me very agreeable. All I need to know is how you knew how to find this place. Then you can leave." Toffee stated. Marco said nothing and resumed staring straight ahead. "You know, I don't have any reason to keep you here." The creature prodded. "I'll send you home with my own scissors if you like."

At this, Marco did finally respond. "Your scissors are working?"

Toffee raised an eyebrow. "So it's not just mine, then?" He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Of course. My enemies continue to prove that they'll thwart me no matter the consequences. I apologize. I haven't been to the surface in several days."

"So, that's why you're here, then." He continued. "You were on Mewni, your scissors stopped working, and now you can't get home. So you decided to come see what was going on. Well if it's any comfort, everyone should have their scissors back in another couple of weeks, and I doubt _she_ will have the strength to try something so foolish again. So, that only leaves one question. Marco, _how did you find me?"_

Marco said nothing before finally setting on a plausible-sounding lie. "The Mewni Library of Knowledge." He remembered a few weeks ago, when they'd visited looking for a lead on Star, among other things. Kelly had said there were an infinite number of libraries in the building - surely one of them would've mentioned this place?

Toffee smiled. "I see." He said. The silence lingered in the air for a bit.

"You know, I think you have the wrong idea of me." Toffee said. "You think that I'm a 'big bad monster,' out to destroy the world. You probably don't actually know that much about me. So let me clarify.

"The Queen you, ehm, 'rescued.' Moon Butterfly. She's not what she seems to be. She is a tyrant.

"A few years ago, mewmans lived in dirt and squalor, and monsters lived in fear and starvation. Royal magic made sure that we couldn't do, well, anything - we lived on the edges of a land that mewmans had conquered by force, watching them use it to grow food we weren't allowed to eat.

"Monster governments were crushed. Any time we tried to talk to the royal family, we were laughed at and thrown into dungeons. We had less say than the mewman peasants, and they had no say at all. They lived in squalor as well. Dimensional travel was highly regulated. Monsters had done so freely, thousands of years ago, but now, we couldn't even leave."

Marco said nothing, and stared straight ahead.

"I changed that." Toffee continued. "I overthrew the royal family and now, everyone is able to eat. I even offered to speak to the princess of the kingdom, to negotiate, but when we met," he examined the cleaved star in his hand idly. "She attacked me. Foolish, and shortsighted. She was reckless and blind, and paid the price. Unfortunately, so did I. I assure you, I normally look far less ridiculous."

At this, he stared down his beak and at his body distastefully. Marco still said nothing.

"But things are better now." Toffee continued. "Monsters and Mewmans live as equals. We've learned from other dimensions, instead of ignoring them, and now we have clean water, bathrooms, elevators, and roads." He gestured to the elevator which stretched up to the ceiling behind him. "Everything I do is for the betterment of the people. I am not the villain in this story."

Marco remembered the destroyed village he and Janna had visited, months ago. 'Living as equals' indeed.

"Well I told you where I found out, so can I go?" He finally asked.

"No." Toffee said shortly. "That would've been an excellent lie if I hadn't personally made sure it was impossible. A very large collection of books is currently on loan from the library, and sitting in my office. No other references exist."

"How do you store all the knowledge from an infinite number of libraries?" Marco asked.

Toffee looked a bit taken aback at this. "An infinite number? I suggest you check your facts, Marco. The library of knowledge consists of only three separate libraries." He pulled back the sleeve on his wand arm and checked his watch. "Now, will you tell me how you _really_ found this place? If not, then I'm afraid this conversation is getting us nowhere."

"Nope." seeing as he'd already been caught in a lie, Marco doubted he would have a shot at another.

"Well then, perhaps you'll be more prone to talking when you start to get hungry. Everyone in my kingdom eats. But only because I allow it."

He stood up and snapped his fingers, and the two sentries rushed forward. They pulled Marco off of his seat and back up onto the wall, where they refastened his shackles. "I meant what I said, by the way. All I need to know is how you know about this place. After that you're free to go. Call me when you're ready to talk."

With that, he turned and left, his guards following, and a few minutes later, Marco saw the elevator slowly begin to rise up and out of the cave.

He'd just resigned himself to another few hours of boredom while he waited for Kelly to make her move (assuming she hadn't simply abandoned him like the back of his mind suspected), when there was a loud "PSST! Frederick!" From the far end of the tent.

The rat thing turned towards it, and caught a fist-sized rock to the nose through the face-gap in his helmet. He stumbled back towards Marco but still didn't say anything, and Marco planted a kick to the back of his helmet, which connected with a clang. Frederick crumpled immediately.

Kelly emerged around the side of the tent, coated in dust. She looked filthy and rather uncomfortable, but it had also dulled her hair color somewhat - a primitive, but effective camouflage. She searched the rat for its keys, and they heard a voice from around the other side of the tent. "Hey, Frederick, was that you?"

Fortunately, Kelly found the key the monster had used rather quickly, and in moments Marco's hands were free once again.

"Thanks," Marco whispered. Kelly nodded and gestured back towards where she'd appeared, and they crept around the corner.

They'd made it about 30 feet towards the passage down to Mewni's core before someone gave out a shout. "Hey, I need some help! Monster down, the prisoner's gone!"

Everyone in the camp looked up from what they were doing simultaneously, and though none of them spotted the pair immediately, Marco suspected they had about five seconds.

"Run." Kelly said, and took the lead as they both sprinted towards the tunnel down.

Alarm bells sounded behind them, and they sprinted past the tunnel's guards before they could stop them. But the monster army was hot on their heels in moments, alarms ringing above them, and roaring for blood.

"Open to ideas!" Marco shouted as they ran. His legs had hurt just from standing all day - another full-sprint wasn't helping matters.

"Uhhhh… here!" The tunnel had been reinforced recently, and wooden beams were running floor-to-ceiling every few feet. Kelly planted her shoulder into one of them at a full-tilt run and bounced off, but it shifted as well - just slightly.

Marco followed suit, throwing himself into it, and felt his arm scream in pain. The wood might as well have been concrete for how hard it was to move - but it shifted once again, just a bit more this time.

The monsters were only a few dozen meters behind them, and they could hear the clanging of weapons and armor as they rushed down the tunnel. Kelly gave the beam one last enormous tackle, and it budged just a few more inches - but they were out of time.

Suddenly, the ground shook beneath their feet, and the entire tunnel rumbled around them. Kelly and Marco dived out of the way as the support they were working on splintered under the force of the earthquake, and a pile of boulders crashed down between them and the first of Toffee's forces.

They scrambled back and watched the dust settle over what had moments ago been their only way in. They couldn't even hear the monsters on the other side.

Once their ears stopped ringing, Marco got to his feet and offered Kelly a hand up. "There's another way out, right?" He asked as she dusted herself off.

Kelly shrugged. "Guess we'll find out. Worst-case scenario the monsters dig us out, though, so I wouldn't worry about it."

Marco couldn't help but think that meeting an army of trained monsters was only _slightly_ preferable to starving in a cave at the bottom of the world, but with little other option, he followed her as she continued their trek downwards.

The final cave, it seemed, was quite a bit brighter than their previous experiences. Lines of forked white energy crisscrossed the walls every few meters, providing a sparkling light that rather reminded Marco of a lightning storm. Kelly was similarly in awe, and they walked in silence for a few minutes.

Finally, Marco broke it with a nagging thought. "Hey Kelly, weird question."

"Mm?"

"Did you lie to us about how big the Mewni library was?"

Kelly looked at him, confused. "No, why?"

"Something Toffee said. That there were only three libraries."

She arched an eyebrow. "We talking about the same place?" She asked. "The tour guide said there was an infinite number of them."

"And you didn't feel the need to fact check because…" Marco trailed on.

"Why would he lie about something like that?" She asked.

They kept walking in silence for a few minutes, punctuated occasionally by another quake.

"Can I ask you something else?" Marco asked quietly.

Kelly looked at him curiously.

"Was Toffee telling the truth?" He asked, and Kelly let out a tight breath.

"Part of it." She said. "In order to get Star to 'negotiate,' he kidnapped a squire. She didn't even come find us before going after him."

Marco filed this information away. "What about what he said, about things being better now?"

Kelly shrugged. "Things are always better when you look in the bright spots." She gave a pause, then added a begrudging thought. "But yeah. I like Queen Moon. None of what he said was her fault. But if she was still in power, I'd probably still be living in a cave."

They didn't have much more time to continue that line of thought, since at that moment, several things happened at once. First, they heard a couple of familiar voices from a well-lit cave below them. Then there was another earthquake, an otherworldly scream that lingered in their ears, and they both fell on their butts. Then they slid and rolled down the cave floor, completely missed the ladder that the monsters had presumably installed, and fell nearly fifteen feet down into Mewni's magical nexus, landing with a splash in a waist-deep lake of oily liquid. They looked up, gasping and clearing their eyes of the stuff, and saw a very familiar, very panicked-looking pair of faces above them.

"Marco? Kelly?" Janna asked in disbelief.

Marco gave a feeble wave as he spat out a mouthful of oil. He was glad that the pool had been there so they hadn't broken themselves on the floor, but it tasted disgusting.

They were both on their feet in moments, and had as much trouble processing everything around them as Janna had - probably more, considering they had no idea what was going on.

"Look, I'll explain everything later," Janna said, "but the important thing is we stop that thing from hitting _that_ thing." She pointed to the wand-monster and the iced-over magic nexus, respectively.

Kelly reached into her hair and withdrew a sword that didn't seem to stop. The same broadsword she'd used to dispatch the giant worm, the first time they'd met. "Alright," she said, "I've fought things for less. CHARGE!"

She splashed forward for a moment before Janna picked her up and flew them both over to the creature, and Marco could hear her shouting as the monster screamed and batted at them.

Marco felt a bit lost, for more reasons than one. Aside from the fact that he'd completely lost touch with the situation, Kelly had a sword, and a lot of experience fighting big monsters. He doubted a few punches and kicks would help deal with a 30-foot-tall death-giant. Especially when he saw Kelly run her sword through one of its shoulders to absolutely no effect. Janna was circling, fire billowing from her hands - more than Marco had ever seen her make at once, and yet, she didn't seem affected. Unfortunately, neither did the monster.

At a loss for purpose, he instead helped the obviously-exhausted Queen Moon to a rock that sat just above the level of the oil, where she gratefully sat down. For lack of anything better, he made to splash over to the monster and join his friends, when Moon grabbed his wrist.

"A true warrior knows when they can win."

Begrudgingly, he stood back and watched.

Although her attacks didn't seem to be having an effect, Janna felt _amazing._ Her incendio spell was so, _so_ far beyond anything she'd tried to do before - and yet, any time she felt her exhaustion start to creep up on her, she just allowed the monster to swat at her, and she was back to 150%!

Unfortunately, all she seemed to be doing was annoying the thing. Neither water, fire, nor lightning had seemed to have much of an effect on it - if anything, it was more ferocious than ever.

The same could be said of Kelly, who was periodically having Janna toss her at the monster. She sunk her sword deep into it with every swing, and yet, the wounds healed in an instant - she couldn't even tell she'd been fighting it.

And all the while, the monster was still getting a swing or two in at the pool. How could they beat something they couldn't figure out how to hurt?

"Janna, throw me at its face!" Kelly shouted in a burst of inspiration, and Janna let up on her fiery barrage. Kelly had been hanging from the thing's back, doing her best to stay where it couldn't reach her, and Janna plucked her away before circling up over the thing's head.

She released her companion and, with a whooping cry, Kelly plummeted towards the overlarge skull with her sword outstretched. It found its mark - she sank it up to the hilt in its magic eye, and there it stuck, embedded.

For the first time, the fiend stumbled. It careened backwards and its hands went to its face, forcing Kelly to madly jump out into open air. The creature crashed into the wall of the room, causing another great rumble, and Janna caught Kelly out of the air.

"That worked!" Janna shouted. "Do it again!"

But there was no again. Everyone watched as the monster pinched the sword from its skull and tossed it aside. It clanged against a wall, and sank into the muck at the bottom of the cave - but not before Kelly saw its blade. Melted, battered, and bent: completely destroyed.

"Well, I'm out of ideas!" Janna shouted, and the monster swatted unusually ferociously at the pair. Although Janna only winced as she absorbed part of its fingers, Kelly caught the full brunt of the blow - she shot towards the lake below her like a rocket and skipped off its surface several times before lying still.

"Kelly!" Janna kept up her attack as the wand-thing stumbled back towards the nexus - another couple of hits, and the icy pool was done for.

Marco splashed over to his cyan-haired friend, and grabbed her under her arms as he hauled her back to Moon's rock. He couldn't tell if she was breathing amidst the cacophony of battle, but she didn't seem to be bleeding at all - that was good, right?

He looked up towards where Janna was futilely trying to stop the monster as it resumed pounding against the ice, and there was a monumental crack as it finally started to completely give. It raised its fists in the air for a final, triumphant strike, and Marco barely processed Moon next to him, waving her scissors at him and shouting something about "getting away."

Then, several things happened at once, none of which Marco was remotely prepared for.

A purple portal appeared exactly where the monster's fists would have connected to the pool, and they instead crashed through harmlessly. Several more appeared around it from all directions, and the oily sheen of the creature began to vacuum into them. It wasn't having much of an effect, but the monster screamed all the same.

With an enormous wave of heat, a moment later pillars of flame erupted around the edges of the room. Demons, skeletons and underworld monsters of every type appeared in full war regalia - and if Marco thought that the monster army had been intimidating, it was nothing compared to suddenly seeing a hundred nightmares appear wearing everything from spikey chrome chestplates to kevlar and combat-camo.

As one, each of them withdrew what was unmistakably a harpoon gun, and fired it into the creature's flanks. Flaming chains connected the barbed points as they sunk into the wand-thing's oily hide, and it screamed again, swatting at them futilely as more snared its arms.

Tom and a pale, angry-looking demoness who could only be his mother appeared a moment later, hovering next to the thing's head, arms raised and chanting. Fiery runes appeared around the creature's body and began to sear themselves onto it, while it writhed and twisted away from them.

Then, with a war cry, the monsters that had followed Marco and Kelly down from the encampment began to jump down into the lake out of the same hole that the pair had arrived from. Toffee's forces had apparently made good time while digging out the cave-in. Carried atop an enormous minotaur was Toffee himself, watching with interest through Ludo's eyes as his monsters charged the underworld's centurions, seeming to understand the situation in an instant. "Don't let them stop it!" He shouted to his army, and they gave a renewed roar as they charged forward.

Finally, Marco saw as an enormous portal - this one a fiery orange - cut itself open at the monster's feet, concealing the frozen nexus entirely and sucking in everything around it. A red-haired demoness appeared out of it, a crown of fire atop her head, with Glossaryck next to her.

The wand-creature collapsed. Between the portals siphoning away its power, and the enormous one which was currently pulling at its feet, it didn't matter that the monster army was overwhelming the demons - with a mighty bellow, the creature was sucked into the portal, breaking the chains that bound it as it, along with most of the oil pooled on the floor, disappeared.

Then the real battle began. With the demonic forces no longer preoccupied with holding the creature down, they drew swords, spears and axes, marshalled in front of Tom and his mother, and the fight for the nexus began.

Marco was wondering if he should join in. He had Kelly and Moon to take care of, but he suspected that the glassy nexus was the reason his scissors had stopped working, and that he was no closer to being able to get back to Earth than he had been earlier in the day.

Moon made up his mind for him, though - waving the scissors through the air, a portal appeared at her side. She shouted "let's go!" over the roar of the battle.

Marco grabbed Kelly and hoisted her up as best he could, and stepped through.

Emerging through the other side, he found himself in a semi-familiar hotel room. King River was sleeping on the bed, snoring away without a care while the television quietly oozed fragments of sound from wrestling reruns. It was dark outside, and for the first time all day, Marco wondered if his parents were worried about him.

Marco dumped Kelly unceremoniously onto the bed, and River woke with a start before looking around groggily. His eyes fixed on Marco's face, then he glanced at Kelly.

"Quite unbecoming," he slurred proudly, before slumping back over and resuming his slumber.

Queen Moon stepped through the portal only a moment later, and it snapped shut behind her. Janna (and Glossaryck) were conspicuously absent from her side, and Marco stood up immediately.

"I'm going back to get them," he said immediately, but there was no need. A moment later a purple portal opened on the other side of the room and Janna flew through with a crash, piling up on the floor. Glossaryck followed a second later, and the portal closed - but not before a spear came sailing through, impaling the television with a smash. River grunted and turned over in his sleep.

"Who's winning?" Queen Moon asked at once.

Glossaryck laid down peacefully on the floor next to Janna, who was already fast asleep. He moaned. "Ooooooh, the underworld, I think?" he said into the carpet. "But if Toffee doesn't break open the nexus eventually, Ishtar will. I have an awful headache, can we discuss this tomorrow?"

Moon bit her lip and stood up before rapidly thinking better of the practice. Marco could understand why - by the looks of things he'd had the _easy_ day, and he was about ready to curl up next to River.

But not before he figured out what was going on.

"Okay, so." He re-ordered his thoughts, and commanded them to get in line. Like questions on a test, all of them would get answers in time. "What was that _thing?"_

"Oh, we tried to make a wand for Janna." Moon said as she laid back on the bed between River and Kelly. Her blouse and jeans were still soaked with the oil from the creature and it quickly stained the bed, but she didn't notice. "It didn't work."

Marco debated telling her that this didn't explain anything (rather, he was now possibly _more_ confused), but as Moon was about to fall asleep, he plowed forward.

"Alright, so why did everyone's scissors stop working?" He asked.

"People's scissors aren't working?" Moon asked dimly. "Well that makes sense, with the ice…"

"So why did -" Marco began, and Moon began to snore as loudly as her husband.

He sighed. He wanted nothing more than to pass out next to Janna on the floor, but he suspected that, as the last-remaining conscious person in the room, the responsible thing to do was try and get everything sorted out.

So, borrowing Janna's phone from her pocket, he made some calls.

* * *

When Janna awoke the following day, she was immediately hit by a few realizations. First, her bed felt _amazing._ Second, she was probably missing school. Third, she needed more sleep.

She awoke again a few hours later, and through her window saw that it was either dawn or dusk - though judging by the sounds of television coming from the living room, she guessed the latter. She was wearing pajamas, and wrapped snugly in her blankets Someone had even come in and straightened her room a bit, although that wasn't saying much - her clothes were just folded in a corner instead of strewn around the room.

Although she wanted nothing more than to once again go back to sleep, her mind had started to buzz with the previous day's events. Begrudgingly, she instead trudged out of her room.

Sitting in front of the television was an ensemble that, one year ago, would've been the strangest thing she'd ever seen. Her mom, frazzled and tired, was watching a Derrick rerun with Joleen, with Glossaryck hovering in-between.

"Wait, so why doesn't he just teleport out of the car?" Janna's mom asked, and Joleen gave an annoyed sigh.

"Because that would ruin the story mom, _jeez!"_

"It's actually quite cohesive once you get into it." Glossaryck stated.

Janna cleared her throat, and all three of them looked around. Joleen returned to watching the tube, but Janna's mom broke out in a wide smile and hurried around for a hug. "You're awake! I was so worried!"

"Yeah, she even took two days off work." Joleen said.

"It's Thursday, by the way." Her mom said, and Janna reeled. So she'd missed two days of school instead of one. How time flew by when you were unconscious. She was wondering if she could get Queen Moon to write her a note. _Janna was not able to come to school - too busy breaking and then saving an entire dimension from a magic monster._

Her mom kept her arms on her shoulders, and pursed her lips while she looked at her. "So," she said. "I've been talking with Glossaryck."

Dimly, Janna recognized that this meant her mom now probably knew about everything that she'd been doing, and braced herself for the incoming lecture.

Instead, she was surprised. "I'm sorry I'm not around more," her mom said. "This darn job. But, I want you to know, I got into a lot worse when I was your age - well, not a lot worse… but, I had my own adventures. Just promise me that you'll be safe, and that you'll stay close to Marco, okay?"

Janna nodded, relieved that she wasn't about to be told "no more magic" or "stop accidentally almost ending the world." Her mom gave her a tight hug, then gestured towards the kitchen.

"Well, we have pizza in the kitchen. I'm really sorry, but I have to get back to work -" she checked her watch and jumped. "As a matter of fact, I might not be home until tomorrow morning. Stay out of trouble okay?"

She scrambled out towards the driveway, and a moment later, she was gone. Janna realized that she was starving (and that she felt like she hadn't had a decent drink in three days, which was probably true), and hurried to the kitchen to rectify the situation.

One pizza later (along with about a gallon of soda), and she joined Joleen on the couch, thoroughly ready to never leave it again.

"Marco's been coming by a few times a day." Her sister told her. "You sure he's not your boyfriend?"

Janna grunted.

* * *

Marco, for his part, had lived the past two days in excruciating anticipation. After calling Janna's mom to come pick her up, he'd called his own parents, and with their help, taken Kelly to the emergency room. Apparently she had quite a concussion. But he'd gone to school the next day anyways, more out of habit than anything.

Like Janna's mom, Marco's parents had been so relieved to see him that they'd spared him a real lecture (though they had made him promise to come home before 11:00 from then-on, and made him get checked out at the ER).

Considering all that had happened, his life had returned to a frustrating sense of normalcy. He'd visited Moon the following day to find that she'd gone away, and River only told him that she'd be back to explain everything, later. When he'd pressed Glossaryck for answers, sitting next to Janna's bed, the genie had refused to say anything. Kelly's scissors (which Marco had nabbed before giving her to the ER docs) still weren't working.

Janna was out cold, though Kelly was awake when he'd gone to see her. She'd snuck out that night (what with her neither having a social security number nor the ability to pay for medical bills, she and Marco both assumed it would be better if she didn't hang around the hospital) and had spent the following day at Marco's house.

He'd bounced between her, Moon's hotel and Janna's house for most of the following day (skipping school for the first time ever). Although Kelly was obviously just as frustrated at the radio-silence as Marco was, his parents insisted that she was a wonderful guest.

By the second evening, he popped by Janna's house to say good night (he'd been slightly alarmed by how long she was sleeping, although Glossaryck had insisted she'd be fine), he was happy to see she was finally awake. He gave her a quick hug and went home to inform Kelly.

The following day, Friday, both he and Janna returned to school. Although Marco was as bored as ever, the Janitor was stepping up his efforts in his war against Janna - it seemed she couldn't go an hour without _something_ going wrong in increasingly creative ways, and the day concluded with her accidentally lighting a textbook on fire in frustration.

That afternoon, the three of them went to see if Moon had returned, and were delighted to find her in her room when they knocked. River was nowhere to be seen.

"I found some things out," she shared. "The dimensional keeper, Hekapoo, was the one who isolated Mewni. The only people that can come and go are myself, her, Glossaryck, and a few others by special exception."

Janna remembered when she'd rescued her sister, the previous weekend, and realized that she'd helped Hekapoo put the spell in place.

The fact that the dimensional scissors weren't working to get back there came as a shock - Moon had portalled them all in and out - but apparently it had put Marco into quite a panic when he realized he'd been trapped there.

"We're not sure why Toffee is after so much magic, but whatever the reason, it can't be good." Moon said. "Draining my soldiers was one thing, but with access to a nexus, I can't imagine what he'd be able to do."

"Now listen to me, all of you." She said, and it was obvious that whatever she was about to say was the entire reason she'd allowed them in to begin with. "River and I are going to be working hard to organize whatever resistance we can against Toffee. It is absolutely imperative that you complete your missions."

She looked at Marco and Kelly. "Star is at the center of all this - finding her will give us all answers." Then, she turned to Janna. "And I know you might be tempted to go help me, or take your own initiative, but I implore you - _trust Glossaryck._ He knows what he's doing. You have to continue to train."

Janna snorted. "Yeah, remember when he helped us make a wand? That worked out great."

Moon pursed her lips but said nothing.

On this thought, Marco and Janna left the hotel. Moon had sent Kelly home, and asked her to keep her eyes open, but all three of them felt they were entitled to at least a bit of a break before running back into the fray.

With a weekend ahead of them to recuperate, suffice to say, they were both looking forward to sleeping in.

* * *

 **So, Toffee's trying to use the magic nexus for something and it seems Marco and Janna haven't quite been given the whole truth about things. Hm. Interesting.**

 **Comment response!**

 **Guest: You're right on the nose with Joey's transformation. The idea was that, with him being a magical creature, he obviously does better in magical dimensions. Not sure if it'll ever be relevant again, but it was fun to write.**

 **We've been giving thought to giving her some friends - and I'm not** _ **saying**_ **that she's in the same class as Jeremy Burnbaum, I'm just saying that they** _ **are**_ **the same age…**

 **Other guest: "No more Tom."**

 **Counterpoint: How about** _ **many**_ **more Tom. _All_ of the Tom, really. I'm actually going to just change the story. Now it's JanTom vs the Forces Of Evil.  
**

 **Allusion-collusion: Thanks for the thoughts.**

 **Writing the scissor-chapter was interesting. It's not that the place wasn't dangerous - to the contrary, it's pretty inhospitable. But we decided to place focus more on the "survival-y" elements instead of the various monster brands. Coming up with new and exciting monster threats is tough!**

 **The Earth-wand is lost. Sometimes when you lose your keys it's easier to just cut losses and make a new set ;)**

 _ **Next Time On JVTFOE:**_ **After the action-packed events of the previous week, Janna decides to start working on some smaller, personality-based magic, while Marco broods over how thoroughly non-magical his fighting skills are. But when Marco's parents get the wrong idea about him and Janna and they all end up at dinner, a spell gone awry turns her life Marco-less! Can she deal with being hated by her former best friend? Will things ever be the same again?**

 **Yeah, probably. It's just one episode. Tune in for next week's fluff,** _ **Date Night!**_

 **(And yeah, that one's done already too. Cruising right along!)**


	26. S2 C5: Date Night

**Happy Janco week, everyone. Tumblr tells me it's actually "manna week" but Janco sounds better.**

 **This episode, Marco falls in love.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

Two dull weeks had passed since the incident with the wand, which suited Janna fine. Neither she nor Marco had seen or heard much of the goings-on since then, although she periodically tried to get to Mewni with Joleen's scissors. It never worked.

While she was sure Moon and River were as busy as could be, life for her and Marco had resumed a sense of normalcy. Even the Janitor's attacks had tempered off, somewhat - although every service-based employee still went out of their way to inconvenience her, it seemed that her nemesis had started to run out of ideas, and that she'd gotten so used to the repeats that she was now able to contend with them.

Among other things, she swapped lunches with Marco, swapped desks with a classmate every day, and had forgone using her locker entirely, which was just as well - she had the sneaking suspicion that the combination had mysteriously changed on it.

Without any magic adventures to hold her interest, she had instead resumed her training with Glossaryck. Rather than focus on big, impactful measures (Glossaryck had put a stop to any extreme spells when she'd accidentally flooded the street in front of her house with greenery), he'd focused her down on smaller stuff - incantations and rites that used external magic and did specific things.

Marco had tagged along, with nothing better to do in the meantime. With long hours spent in her back yard, sometimes he did homework, sometimes he practiced karate forms. He'd told her that, with no more karate lessons, he was simply bored - but Janna assumed that more than anything, he was there to keep an eye on her. After everything they'd been through, he still didn't trust her with magic!

Of which, the spells she was learning had taken a dull turn - small-scale, specific, of little impact, requiring her to memorize runes and meet strange requirements instead of just saying magic words. Most of them used ingredients, signs and incantations to access external magic, which she was sure Glossaryck was doing to stop her going overboard. Such was the case with personality magic, which she was studying currently.

"Personality magic," Glossaryck explained, "is a good way to end fights before they start, and coerce people into doing what you need. Although they don't work if someone's feeling particularly - er - strongly about something, they're excellent for solving smaller problems."

He clapped his hands, and from Janna's phone jutted a projection which illustrated several complex runes and commands. Most of them were completely illegible even to her, just as they'd been when she'd first copied them down.

"The simplest emotions are the easiest place to get started." He continued. "But personality magic is dangerous. The spells can't be reversed - only counteracted with the opposing force. So don't mess with someone unless you have to. Or really want to." He shrugged.

Janna nodded, already bored. She wondered, idly, if she could use such magic to trick her teacher into not giving homework. Piles of it were currently stashed in her bag, which was sitting against the wall of her backyard and waiting for the final hours of Sunday night to emerge.

She was also remembering when she'd last scraped with this particular type of magic. She'd used it to make herself more popular at school, and to beat a rival. Upsetting the status quo had resulted in a popularity war, the tales of which were still sung on particularly slow days of gossip.

But she had very little interest in learning to manipulate others. Aside from the moral implications which hadn't even occurred to her, the concept itself wasn't particularly appealing. If she had to manipulate someone's emotions in order to get what she wanted, it probably wouldn't be worth it anyways. Who would want to try and change what someone was thinking?

"Unfortunately, personality magic requires a subject." Glossaryck said. "Marco, if you would please."

Marco, who had been practicing karate forms in a corner, looked up in alarm. "No way! Why can't you do it?"

Glossaryck tapped the gem in his forehead. "No one gets into my head!" He laughed. "Not even me. So if you would please."

Grumbling, Marco shuffled over and forced his hands deep into his pockets. "Fine," he muttered. "Get on with it."

"Janna, it looks like Marco could use a little cheering up," said Glossayck. "Why don't we try that first?"

Snapping his fingers, a box of crayons appeared along with a pad of paper, and fell to the ground. Instructions appeared in the air in front of Janna, and, resigned to having to _learn_ something, she began to follow them.

The runes were simple enough, which was fortunate, as crayon drawings on a concrete backing wasn't a great medium for precision. After that, she just had to concentrate on the emotion in question - a task which was far more difficult.

She formed something which she took to be at least some semblance of cheer - although, in actuality, it more resembled a relieved resignation to apathy - and said the surprisingly mundane magic words with a hand on the runes.

"Marco, you should cheer up."

The runes glowed faintly on the page, but nothing else happened. Marco withdrew his hands from his hoodie, but little else about him changed. "I don't think it worked," he said blandly.

Janna grunted, annoyed, and Marco felt a twinge of annoyance as well. "What are you annoyed about?" He asked. "I'm the test dummy!"

Janna looked down at the page and saw that the runes were still glowing a bit, and quickly removed her hand - they resumed their previous inactivity at once.

"Hm, well, it worked, somewhat." Glossaryck scrutinized Marco closely. "But not with the result we were hoping for."

"Well I don't feel any different," Marco said peevishly. "Are we going to try again or not?"

Glossaryck shook his head. Regardless of if he realized it or not, Janna had definitely pushed some emotions onto him - just the ones she'd been feeling, not the ones she was trying to get him to feel. "Not today," he said. "Odd combinations of personality magic are bad for you."

With that, he dove back into Janna's phone. The lesson, it seemed, was over.

* * *

Marco walked home, annoyed, and somewhat disappointed. Janna had probably accentuated the feelings, but actually, he'd been feeling such things more and more over the past few weeks. Janna had her magical training to occupy her time, but what was he doing? Practicing a few karate forms and waiting for her to start their next adventure.

More than once in the last few months, he'd found himself completely useless in scenarios totally outside of his control. Some of it, he knew, was part of the program. It just came as a piece of the Janna experience. Sometimes you could solve problems by beating up a normal-sized enemy. Sometimes you couldn't.

But still. With Janna learning spells for every occasion, Marco had lately felt more and more like a dummy, and for more than one reason.

This was compounded by the two weeks that he'd spent on radio-silence with Moon and Kelly, and he was brooding more and more on what Toffee had told him in the cave above the magic core.

Janna herself hadn't been concerned about it, when he'd asked her. And, to be fair, it had been her house the monsters had partially destroyed. And Ludo had, after all, invaded Echo Creek and smashed up the town, _twice._

His thoughts rounded back to the issue at hand. Was all of this for the wrong side? Was he effectively helping to overthrow a leader that most people seemed happy to have? At times like these, he wished that Janna's sister had a pair of fully-functioning scissors, so he could just go and check.

But the scissors weren't working, Marco wasn't training magic, and he wasn't exactly keeping up in an equivalent field.

Sure, his grades were flawless like they always were. But that didn't make him feel much better. More and more, he was wondering if he belonged in Janna's story at all. "Janna the witch and Marco the karate-boy sideshow" wasn't exactly a title he was excited about. A perfect geometry test and a robust knowledge of the first 15 presidents of the United States weren't particularly useful tools in an interdimensional search-and-rescue.

On these thoughts and others, he brooded. What did other normal people his age do, anyways?

They played video games. Although he had a game console sitting in his room, it had never really appealed to him.

They went to parties. Marco didn't like parties. People were stupid and foolish at parties.

They had relationships. Valentine's Day was a week away, and Marco wondered idly if he'd receive anything (he never had before). Then he wondered if his tongue would untie itself long enough for him to ask Jackie on a date. Assuming she didn't already have one.

Shunting that depressing thought to the side, more than anything, Marco found himself wishing he could see Kelly. They meshed well together. Like him, she had no magic powers, but instead relied on a sword and her fists to solve problems. He kept reflecting back to what escapades they'd gotten up to, together. When he was with Janna, he was a sidekick - but with Kelly, he was more like a partner.

He wondered if Mewni had a Valentine's day. Then he wondered if Kelly had a boyfriend.

Setting such thoughts to rest, he entered the front door of his home to the smell of frying meat. His parents, perhaps in an effort to entice him home, had made a special effort towards family dinners over the last couple of weeks. But, to his annoyed, depressed teenage mind, the last thing he wanted was to spend the next half-hour at a table while people who loved him tried to coax conversation out of him.

So, rather than join them, he was halfway upstairs when his father poked his head out of the kitchen and spotted him. "Mijo!" He called. "Just in time! Tacos for dinner!"

Rafael Diaz, Marco's dad, was an unerringly cheerful man who made a living through sculpting, painting, and other self-expression. It was rare that Marco saw the smile drop from his face, and rarer still that either had a harsh word for the other.

Among other things, Rafael and Angie Diaz trusted their straight-A student enough to give him free reign. He was frequently given charge of the house, allowed out well past when his classmates would have been (even on school nights!) and, generally, left well enough to his own devices.

Only recently, probably out of concern for him, had they made more of an effort to be involved in his life. They'd also instituted an 11:00 curfew. The time was so late that Marco had absolutely no trouble meeting it, but all the same, was slightly annoyed that he'd lost his total freedom. He recognized these changes as a gesture of love - but that didn't mean he appreciated them.

Still, his stomach growled loudly at the mention of tacos, and the frying beef was smelling better and better. His father's smile widened, and Marco trudged back downstairs reluctantly.

Entering the kitchen, his mother looked over at him with a similar smile and a pan full of browned taco meat. "Three minutes!" She called, and Rafael scrambled around - setting the table, preparing drinks, cutting other ingredients.

Marco sat at the table gloomily without a word, unable to shake his emotional funk. Far too short of a time later, his parents joined him, and for a few minutes, there was nothing but the crunch of taco shells and tortilla chips while they ate.

Presumably deciding that they'd given Marco enough time for his mood, his mom egged him into conversation. "So, Marco," she said sweetly. "Do you remember that conversation we had, a few weeks ago?"

Marco picked at the remnants of his food and munched a chip, refusing to engage. He noticed that his dad had frozen, a taco halfway to his open mouth, watching Marco's reaction intently.

His mom pressed on. "The one where we mentioned that you can always bring anyone you want around."

Marco was wondering if he could get up from the table and leave, or if that would have consequences. _That_ conversation. He'd been packed and ready to head to Mewni when his parents had ambushed him. Presumably, they thought that he'd been camping out with Janna, and while partially true at the time, it hadn't been in the context they were thinking of.

In his foolishness, he realized that he hadn't ever properly corrected them.

Not receiving a response, Angie plowed forward. "Well, we haven't seen Janna in awhile, and thought it would be nice if you would… invite her over for dinner. We'd like to get to know her better, right darling?"

Rafael nodded earnestly, his taco still halfway to his mouth, and Marco shrugged. His parents were wrong about Janna, but he didn't feel the need to correct them. Their version of things was so much more… magical. And he'd just been wishing his life had a little more of his own magic in it, hadn't he?

Finishing his tacos quietly, he headed upstairs for an early bed. Maybe tomorrow Janna would have a cheering spell ready, and he could finally escape his own head.

* * *

"Yes." Janna had said immediately. That was when Marco realized his mistake in mentioning what his parents had said at all.

Janna had indeed gotten better at the cheering spell, and Marco was in an unmistakably good mood the following morning. Even her immediate, obviously ill-intended eagerness to join his parents for dinner hadn't quashed it. Grinning against his will, Marco replied.

"You heard what I said, right?" Marco asked. "About how they think you're my - that we're -"

"Oh yeah." Janna said with an evil grin. "And I'm all over that."

"But we're _not._ " Marco said. "Right?" Janna just kept grinning as she drew the runes for her next spell out of her phone.

Janna knew that they weren't. Marco knew that they weren't. Even Glossaryck, watching disinterestedly, knew that they weren't. Janna had always flirted with the intent of making Marco uncomfortable, nothing more, nothing less. Despite herself, she loved being able to make him react so predictably. Anything more had never really occurred to her - she pushed his buttons and got a result.

She'd abandoned the process, mostly, in recent months - as the two had gotten used to each other, Marco had given her less and less of a response.

Still. She knew exactly what her motivation had been, and so did he. It was an unspoken understanding that they'd had since she'd been old enough to realize what effects it had. Marco's parents, apparently, hadn't gotten the memo.

"We aren't going to do this." Marco said resolutely, though there was humor in his tone and he was still smiling cheerily. The personality spells wouldn't be denied.

Janna shook her head. "Oh, we totally are." Taking a moment, she dialed her phone (it'd been the first time she'd used it for its intended purpose in almost a month), and delighted when Mrs. Diaz picked up on the other side.

"Hello, Mrs. Diaz? It's me, Janna. I'm great. Marco just told me about what you'd said last night, and I think it's a _great_ idea. Mhm. Wednesday sounds good. See you then."

She hung up and looked at Marco mischievously. He laughed. It seemed that rather than feel stressed or angry, he could only shrug it off.

"You know," he said lightly, "I think I'm getting pretty tired of this spell!"

Janna continued drawing the runes, head buzzing as she contemplated the upcoming events.

* * *

The intermittent days passed uneventfully for them both. With Janna's focus on becoming more adept at personality spells and Marco seemingly wanting to avoid thinking about the upcoming night entirely, the two had made a sort of passive agreement. They'd sit together at lunch, work together in class, chat amicably in the mornings and after school, just like always. He'd continue being her test-dummy after school, and they wouldn't talk about the elephant in the room, or think about it at all if they could help it.

With her focus on the personality spells, Janna had come leaps and bounds in only a few days. She'd already mastered the various forms of happiness (and, on the other side, sadness - though Marco had understandably abstained from allowing her to practice that bit as much), and had moved onto the next part of the curriculum - contentment. And, opposite that, anger.

Anger had proven easy for her. It wasn't hard for her to get annoyed, irate, or downright mad about something. Whether that was her grades, her sister, the Janitor's attacks, or Glossaryck's continued lectures, it came quite naturally to her. As a result, Marco had spent several afternoons fuming about minor things - like her inability to counteract the spell making him angry, for example.

Contentment, on the other hand, was proving difficult. Janna wasn't the type to "let it go," and Glossaryck had resorted to allowing her can after can of a Mewnian beverage (which he insisted to Marco was completely safe) that made her feel air-headed, spaced-out and quite apathetic. It wasn't quite the same as being content, but after a long drink of it, she just couldn't bring herself to care about the difference.

After a couple of cans of it, both her and Marco were sitting in her backyard on Wednesday afternoon, watching clouds roll by while marvelling at the majesty of the universe.

"You know, I think that dinner's going to work out juuuuust fine." Marco drawled. They were lying down on a patch of grass Janna had conjured, which was slowly growing its way up her fence and into the neighbor's yard. February's steely-grey skies weren't very conducive to cloudgazing, but neither of them minded that much.

"Yeah," Janna replied. "It's gonna be great."

This was the first time it'd been brought up since she'd made the date, several days ago.

"Janna," Marco said, "we _aren't_ dating, right? This isn't a date?"

"Nah, man." Janna replied easily. "This is like, a whoooole other thing."

Glossaryck drifted by above their heads, an empty soda can floating next to him. "You know what's weird," he said. " _Time._ It just keeps going and going, and you don't even know when it stops."

Marvelling at the wonder of the concept of time, the three sat there as the sun set next to them. Slowly, the drink wore off and, like water sliding off of a rock, Janna felt herself come back to her senses.

Sitting up, stretching, yawning, and sighing in contentment (real contentment, this time), she looked at Marco. "C'mon, we're gonna be late if we don't leave soon."

Marco was still lost in his dreamworld, though, and Janna allowed herself to feel a twinge of annoyance. She placed her hand onto the rune sheet next to her, and with a bump, Marco came back down to Earth.

"Dinner!" He said suddenly, tensely. "We'll be late! Come on, Janna!"

He grabbed her arm and his bag from where it was sitting against a wall, and away they went.

Entering his home a few minutes later, Marco found it much the same as it usually was, albeit with a delicious-smelling meal waiting in the kitchen. Janna looked around with mild interest - although she'd visited Marco often, she usually preferred his upstairs window to the front door.

"Janna, _mija!_ " Rafael's overenthusiastic voice poked out of the kitchen as his head appeared from around the corner. "So good to see you!"

"It is _good_ to see you too, Mr. Diaz." Janna smiled at him, then linked her arm with Marco's. She began pulling him towards the kitchen, and despite the lovely smell, he was wearing an expression that made it look as though he'd just swallowed something extremely unpleasant.

"Hello dears!" Angie said from her position over the stove. "It will be ready in just a moment!"

Janna sat Marco firmly in a chair and then sat across from him. He rose immediately, and Janna muttered a quick spell to glue his feet to the floor. Noticing this, he sat down again and glared at her.

A minute later, Marco's parents joined him - a steaming tray of enchiladas sitting next to them. Accompanying the course were beans, rice and salad - Janna looked at the spread and considered that, even if she hadn't been there under pretense, it would've been worth showing up just for the food.

After they'd dug in, Marco's mom was the first to break the silence. "You know, we're very happy for you two." She said, and Rafael nodded earnestly. "As soon as we saw Marco spending time out of the house, we suspected what was going on - and seeing you two together, we were just delighted to know that he'd found someone special."

She beamed, and Rafael joined in. "Yes, so nice to see him with someone instead of wishing after that other girl - what was her name, Jackie?"

Marco tightened up even further, a lump of food in his cheek, and Janna wondered if he'd even be able to swallow. She ate earnestly, however. In two sentences, his parents had just supplied her enough ammunition for weeks of prodding.

"Yeah, Marco." She decided it was time to join in. "Glad you're _totally_ over her, and this is _much_ better anyways, isn't it?"

"We're so glad to see you both admitting it, too!" Angie said between bites. "You know, Rafael and I met in high school as well. He asked me to junior prom. I'd just been stood up by - oh, who was it dear?"

"Miguel Thomas." Rafael's tone made it clear he still didn't think very highly of his old rival.

"Oh, yes, the football team captain!" Angie said. She'd either not noticed his tone, or didn't mind it. "The abs on that man…" she fell off dreamily, then caught Janna's eye and winked. Janna quickly busied herself with her food again, as she was worried she would fall off her chair if she allowed herself to laugh.

Marco, it seemed, was having trouble with fine motor control, as his fork was cutting clean, wide arcs over the plate as he tried and failed to spear some food. After a moment of this, he loudly cleared his throat. "Actually, mom, dad, Janna's just a… a friend." His pause made it clear he was considering the term lightly.

Janna pouted fakely and stuck out a lip. "How could you say that, Markie-poo?" She asked in a fake falsetto, and Marco looked at her with disgust.

"Yep, just a friend!" He said confidently. "See, I've been helping her study because her grades are _terrible,_ and she likes to do this."

Janna matched Marco's glare before asking sweetly in her fake tone, "do _what_ , dearest?"

"Make me uncomfortable."

He returned to his food, now finding it much easier to eat it with the truth out in the open.

His parents were watching the two like a tennis match, bouncing back and forth. Then, without warning, they both burst into uproarious laughter.

After it died down, Rafael wiped his eye with a napkin and patted his son's shoulder. "Marco, Marco, I understand completely."

Marco sighed in relief. " _Thank_ you." He said. Janna, for her part, was a bit disappointed in this development.

"You know, your mother was the same way." He said as he reminisced. "She pulled pranks on me for _years_ before we went out. It's what made me ask her to dance."

Angie smiled prettily while both teens froze. What the whatnow?

"Trust me, Marco, it might seem that way now, but when we know, we know. We've never seen you so animated, so out of your shell! Even that cute little Irish girl we hosted a few years ago -" Rafael was interrupted by Janna.

"No, seriously, Mr. Diaz, Marco's right, I _totally_ just did this to embarrass him." She butted in without a sign of remorse.

Marco's parents looked at each other, both smiling goofily, as if they knew something the kids didn't.

"I'm serious!" Janna pressed. Having them think there was a goofy dating situation was one thing - but the idea that she and Marco were actually meant for each other?

To her own surprise as much as anyone else's, she found herself blushing as deeply as Marco was - suddenly, neither of them could make eye contact.

Angie leaned in towards her. "Janna, trust me, I felt the same way about my husband. You'll come to understand in time."

Janna stared at her plate, now seated in embarrassment as thoroughly as Marco was. Was _that_ what everyone thought when they saw them? That they were someday going to end up as a lovey-dovey couple just because they were friends?

Not if she could help it.

Underneath the table, she reached for her phone. Marco's parents had continued reminiscing about their many teenage exploits - several of which were definitely _not_ appropriate dinner conversation - but Janna was no longer listening. Instead, she was scrolling through her book to the section that dealt with love - and, opposite of it, hate.

She didn't want Marco or his parents to _hate_ her, of course, but she couldn't let them have the wrong idea - and it seemed that his parents, at least, were rather oblivious to any alternatives. Maybe just a little bit of anti-love would help them understand what was actually going on.

Which was nothing, she assured herself. Absolutely nothing was going on. They were friends, nothing more, nothing less. The embarrassment she was feeling was because she was _not_ interested in Marco in "that way." The idea of them being together like _that_ was gross, an abhorrent affront to the very nature of the universe.

And that butterfly in her stomach was because of how awkward it all was - and _not_ because of the thought itself. Nope. Absolutely not.

Glossaryck (who was watching from her lap with keen interest), had warned her when they'd started personality spells - don't mess with love or hate unless you had to. The spell was difficult and imprecise, the emotions volatile and prone to extremes. They hadn't practiced it, hadn't really even mentioned it.

Well, as she found the page she was looking for, she made a decision: she definitely had to.

Janna cleaned her plate quickly, then busied herself with finger-painting in the remains. Not that anyone noticed - Mr. and Mrs. Diaz were both quite busy regaling each other with tales that they were both characters in, and Marco's eyes were so firmly glued to the floor, Janna doubted he'd look up again before tomorrow morning.

She now understood why Glossaryck had given her crayons. Her fingers skated around the plate, and she had a new appreciation for circumstance - if she ever needed to use these spells, she might not have a pencil and desk handy.

With the rune finished on her plate, she set a finger in the center of it, and focused on all the annoying things Marco did. He was constantly holding her back, nagging her, being a stick-in-the-mud, an annoying little buzzkill…

She soon was feeling a healthy appreciation for all the parts of Marco she didn't enjoy, and did her best to shove down the twinge of sympathy she felt when looking at him. He was still staring at the floor.

"Mr. and Mrs. Diaz," Janna said loudly, "You don't want me dating your son."

The enchilada-sauce rune glowed brightly and the effect around the table was immediate.

Marco looked up from the floor, his blush draining. Mr. and Mrs. Diaz were no longer smiling, instead looking at Janna with odd expressions on their faces.

"No…" Rafael said slowly. "You're right, Janna. I don't think we do."

The meal was finished in silence. Janna was pleased with herself that the spell had gone so well, but was also preoccupied with its effects. Mr. and Mrs. Diaz, she worried, may have gone a little _too_ far in the opposite direction, and had gone from boisterous and happy to seemingly annoyed.

Marco, too, it seemed, had felt the effects. He was looking at her with an ever-changing expression, as if just seeing her for the first time and not liking what he saw. _Well, good._ Janna quashed the worry in her stomach. _Wouldn't want him getting the wrong idea, either…_

As Marco's parents cleared away the dishes, Janna stood up. "Well, that was delicious." She said to the room. No one responded. "But I think I should be getting home."

From over the sink, Rafael replied: "Good idea. Marco, why don't you walk her out."

Marco made to stand up, but then Janna remembered - at the start of the meal, she'd glued his feet to the floor. She quickly muttered the counterspell.

They stood in the doorway in silence, a moment later. "Well, good night," Janna said. But before turning away, Marco grabbed her arm.

"Janna, I can't believe you made us sit through that." He said suddenly. He had a cold edge to his voice.

"It may have been a little over the line. But hey, it all worked out in the end, right, so I guess I'll see you tomorrow…?" Janna put a false, chipper tone into her voice, and Marco released her arm.

"Yeah. See you."

The door slammed shut in her face.

* * *

If Janna had suspected she'd overdone it with Marco, his actions the next day had confirmed it. He'd nearly spit at her when she'd needed to get her things out of the locker - such was his distaste for her that he'd even forgotten to wave at Jackie as she passed.

Janna had immediately forgone swapping lunches with him - as a result, she noticed that her slice of pizza had been badly burned, and that her carton of milk was frozen solid. It was as if the lunch lady had noticed their falling-out. Every lunch she'd ever passed Marco had been far, far more edible than this one.

Rather than joining him at his table, she'd decided to sit with Jackie. The girl was surprised but acquiesced - popular though she was, she usually preferred to eat alone.

"So what's up with Marco?" Jackie asked immediately.

Without hesitation, Janna regaled her with the tales of the last few days, and before long it seemed that Jackie had forgotten about lunch entirely.

"So you went on a date at his house even though you _didn't want a date_ ," Jackie said, "because it would let you _make fun of your best friend_ , and then when things went _exactly like you'd think they would_ , you used magic to make everyone not like you?" She shook her head.

Janna considered correcting her. Although she and Marco hung out a lot, she had never consciously given him the title of 'best friend.' She'd always considered Jackie more worthy of it. But, as she thought about it, she realized everything Jackie had said was true. Despite herself, she was a little grossed out by her own actions.

"Well when you put it like that…" she mumbled, and chewed on a corner of her burnt pizza crust. It tasted like she now felt.

Jackie sighed. "Well I know it's not your strong suit, but have you _tried_ apologizing?"

Janna bit back a retort. She _never_ apologized, except for that one time. And that other time. She _almost never_ apologized. But, reflecting, she realized that Marco was definitely worthy of it.

She stood up without another word and walked over to his table, and could feel Jackie's eyes on her back - as well as several other peoples'. It seemed that she'd been right about one thing: half the school seemed to think that they were a couple, or were going to be.

"Marco, I'm sorry." She stood in front of him and blurted it out. There was a reason she didn't apologize often - because of the mixed up stew of emotions she was currently feeling, for one thing. "I'm sorry for making you sit through that dinner with your parents, I'm sorry for leading them on, sorry for - sorry for not being a good friend." Her face was burning.

Marco looked up from his food and stared her in the face. "Okay." He said baldly, then went back to eating.

Janna walked back to her own place next to Jackie, humiliated and ashamed of herself. Jackie let out a low whistle. "Well, worth a shot." She patted her friend's back. "Give him a few days. Maybe it'll pass."

* * *

But it didn't pass in a few days. To the contrary - it seemed that Marco had gone from disliking Janna, to downright _hating_ her. She'd caught him conspiring with the Janitor on multiple occasions, and saw the Janitor's attacks ramp up once again as a result. She could hardly walk 10 meters without something happening - a loose tile would fall on her, her shoelaces would be tied together, there'd be a wet spot in her chair, somehow, _after_ she swapped with a classmate to avoid it.

She wasn't sure how the man was managing all of it, but she retaliated in kind. Without Marco to stop her, she flipped trash cans, left sinks running, and made a point of walking through the muddiest parts of the lawn on her way into school each morning. The Janitor wanted a war? She'd _give_ him a war.

As she'd expected, her locker combination had mysteriously changed, but she didn't know who to talk to in order to get the new one. She'd taken to sharing lockers with Jackie, instead, which had proven to be a pain. Surprisingly, Jackie was as disorganized as Janna was, and when Janna added her own things to the mess, the result was a tangle of effects that made it nearly impossible for either of them to get to class on time.

Her magical studies had suffered as well. Without Marco around to be the test-dummy, Janna had been forced to rely on her sister, who had been absolutely insufferable about the whole affair - and she'd only even agreed to it after Janna had reluctantly agreed to take her to a comic convention coming to Echo Creek later that month.

But it was all for naught anyway - on more than one occasion, Glossaryck had corrected a spell after Janna had reduced Joleen to tears, either in frustration or misery.

"Why can't you get over it?" The younger sister snapped on Sunday afternoon. It'd been five days since Janna's dinner with Marco's family. Joleen had just been returned to normal after being reduced to an emotionally-voided husk on Janna's newly-grown back lawn, but was still in quite a bad mood. "I can't believe you're like this over a _boy._ " She slammed the back door so hard that Janna flinched.

Monday dragged its feet as it arrived and passed. Marco's behavior hadn't changed, and, miserable and with no one else to ask (Glossaryck had adamantly refused to help), Janna turned to her mom. She explained everything, just like she had to Jackie - although this time omitted the bits about the magic.

Her mom was sympathetic - although Janna was sure that was only because she didn't know magic was involved.

"Boys are hard." Her mom, said, and before Janna could interrupt, added soothingly, "even ones that are just friends."

She thought for a moment. "Janna, listen. Why don't you invite his family over for dinner? I have tomorrow off for Valentine's day, we can do it then. You can apologize again, to his whole family. Maybe his parents can help."

Janna privately thought that Marco's parents were very likely to do the opposite of help, but agreed nonetheless.

The following morning at school, she told Jackie what was going on, and her friend thought it was worth a shot.

"But if it's magic, though, I'm not sure what you can do…" she mused, and Janna privately agreed.

Fortunately, even with recent developments, some things about Marco never changed. He'd seemingly not found the courage to ask Jackie out for the holiday, and when Janna approached him at the end of the day with the idea, he seemed more dejected than angry when he'd accepted.

The evening rolled around, and Janna had done her best to make the house look presentable, with her mom's help. They'd scoured the kitchen and dining room's floors, removed all visible laundry and garbage from the front room, and, to Janna's surprise, her mom had even decided to cook rather than order out. The last time the house had been that clean had been Christmas - and Janna, if nothing else, had been astonished at how quickly they'd dirtied it again.

Big bowls of pasta and meatballs were sitting on the table, accompanied by garlic bread. Janna knew none of it was hard to make, but as it was literally one of the only times in her life she'd ever seen her mom cook, she was nonetheless impressed by it.

The doorbell rang a few minutes after 5:00, and Janna answered it. Marco shoved his way past without being invited, and gruffly asked, "food?" His parents followed, giving Janna sour looks - although they greeted her mother very amicably.

As they wandered towards the table, Janna had a sudden burst of inspiration, and ran to the back of the house for a pen and paper. "Making things worse?" Glossaryck asked as he floated out of her phone.

"Well if you would've _helped."_ Janna snarled at him and he shrugged. She wasn't sure why the little man had so stoutly refused to offer so much as a word of advice, but for him to speak up _now,_ in any form, was a little insulting.

As she finished copying the rune, she stuffed it into her pocket with her phone, and heard her mom call from the front of the house: "Janna, dinner! Come eat!"

She headed back to the kitchen to find that although Marco and Joleen were both sitting silently, Janna's mom was chatting animatedly with Mr. and Mrs. Diaz.

This stopped immediately when she entered the room, all three of the latinos giving her a very distasteful look.

"Food!" Janna's mom broke the silence by distributing noodles. "Time to eat!"

For a few minutes, this was enough to keep dinner going, as everyone dug in.

As the plates cleared, though, Janna's mom cleared her throat. "Janna has something to say, everyone." She said, and the Diazes set down their forks. Joleen, seemingly not at all caring about this, kept eating.

Janna stood up and took a deep breath. "I wanted to say I'm sorry." She said. "Marco, I shouldn't have led your parents on like that, and I shouldn't have tried to make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry for being a bad friend."

She looked to Mr. and Mrs. Diaz, and continued. "Mr. and Mrs. Diaz, I do like Marco, but _as a friend."_ Her stomach turned over and she chose not to notice. "I'm sorry for misleading you."

Janna sat back down, and for a few moments, there was nothing to be heard but a crunch as Joleen bit into a piece of garlic bread. Janna's mom busied herself with clearing her plate as well. The Diazes stared at Janna stonily.

After half a minute of this, Janna shifted uncomfortably and finally hit her limit. Reaching into her pocket, she withdrew the rune she'd drawn and unfolded it in her lap. Placing her hand on it, she focused on the good times she'd had with Marco - all the times they'd laughed, hung out together, worked together at school, all the adventures they'd gone on. A warm feeling blossomed in her chest, but she kept her voice steady.

"Please," she said. "I miss Marco. I just want him to like me again."

The effect was immediate, as Mr. and Mrs. Diaz immediately broke into warm smiles. After a puzzled-looking moment, Marco did as well.

"Of course we forgive you, Janna." Mr. Diaz announced, and Janna sighed in relief. "And we'd love it if you were around our son."

Marco stood up boldly, and Janna looked at him. "I have something I want to say as well." He said proudly. Janna looked at him, and a single thought crossed her mind: _oh no._

"I'm in love with you, Janna."

The effect was immediate. Joleen snorted into her plate in what could've been laughter, and Janna's mom loudly choked on her food while Mr. and Mrs. Diaz beamed at each other.

"NOPE!" Janna loudly declared, and stood up abruptly. "Come on, loverboy." She grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the kitchen. Marco followed happily while Janna's mom enlisted the help of his parents to clear her throat.

The moment they were in the hall, Janna turned on Marco, but wasn't fast enough - she backed into the wall as he cornered her against it, his arms on either side of her as he stared into her eyes.

"Finally alone," he said dreamily, and leaned in towards her. Janna stopped him with a palm in his forehead, keeping him at bay while he puckered up. At least 95% of her brain did _not_ want to know where this was going.

"Diaz, cut it out." She said sharply. "I like you _as a friend._ And you like me _as a friend._ Remember?"

Marco pouted for a moment, and Janna, despite herself, couldn't help noticing that it was cute.

"But I feel so much more now!" He insisted. "Janna, it's just like my parents said - I think we're meant to be together!"

Janna would've facepalmed, except she didn't trust Marco enough to remove her hand from his forehead, and her other one was busy rummaging for her phone.

Buying time, she improvised. "You're right, my darling Marco," she said. She couldn't quite muster the falsetto tone she'd used during dinner a week ago, but still assumed that in his addled state, it would be convincing enough. "I'm in love with you, too! But we can't do this right now. Why don't you head back for dessert, and I'll just go freshen up."

Marco acquiesced, but slowly. "I'll be waiting for you, my love!" He sang uncharacteristically as he went back to the dining room, and Janna suppressed a laugh. Definitely the magic - not that it had been a doubt.

Heading for her bedroom, she shut the door and waved Glossaryck out of her phone. He floated lazily in front of her. "So how'd it go?" He asked in a gossipy tone.

"You know darn well how it went," Janna said, annoyed. "Help me fix it. Now."

"Now now, what's the magic word?" Glossaryck asked.

"Please." Janna said, and in her hand, pages flashed by on her phone.

Glossaryck hovered over her shoulder. "Well, the good news is, there is a way. We can siphon the love magic off, and onto someone else."

"Who?" Janna asked. "Me?"

Glossaryck smirked. "I wouldn't recommend it unless you want to end up like Marco." He said. "No, I think we'll need your mother."

"My _mom?_ " Janna asked disbelievingly.

"Janna, your mother could not possibly love you a single bit more than she already does." Glossaryck said. Janna made a mental note to give her mom a hug, later.. "If we siphon the magic off onto her, it shouldn't change a thing. Now, for the instructions…"

Janna emerged a few minutes later with a new set of runes drawn onto each hand in magic marker. Returning to the dining room table, she saw her mom once again chatting amicably with Marco's parents, while Joleen played 20-questions with Marco about how "deep" his love was, her remaining food completely forgotten.

"If Janna asked you to jump off a bridge, would you?" She asked.

"Without question." Marco said resolutely.

"What about if… oh, what if you had to fight tigers?"

"I would drive them to extinction," Marco said proudly, and Joleen snickered.

"Marco, mom, can I see you both in the kitchen for a second?" Janna called, and Marco stood up at once. Janna's mom followed a moment later, obviously slightly confused.

Marco was standing idly by a moment later, gazing raptly at Janna, and Marco's mom asked, "Janna, what's going on?"

"Hold my hand, please." Janna said, and extended it. Her mom took it, still confused.

Janna extended her other hand to Marco, who clasped it in both of his and bent to kiss it. She rolled her eyes.

"Okay, Marco, how much do you love me?" Janna asked. Marco stared at her.

"More than life itself," he pledged.

Janna resisted the urge to roll her eyes again, and concentrated on other feelings - companionship, loyalty, how Marco always had her back. "Okay, but aren't we friends?"

"Of course. The best."

The effect was immediate. Janna felt a great surge of emotion pass through her as the magic transferred, and she felt a rush of affection for her friend. Suddenly, she wanted to take his confused-looking face in her hands and kiss _him._

Then it passed. She was left feeling utterly normal, surrounded by a pair of very befuddled-looking people. Janna's mom still looked as though she had no idea what was going on, but Marco looked like he'd just woken up.

"Janna, what the -" a cross look covered his features. "Oh, was that one of those emotion spells?" He asked, annoyed.

Janna's mom suddenly understood everything. "Janna," she said, just as cross. "Not okay."

Janna gave her mom a hug, then gave one to Marco. "Missed you," she said quietly, and he softened a bit.

"So what about my parents?" Marco asked.

"Glossaryck mentioned that. Apparently they're just back to the way they were before I cast the first spell. You might want to mention that you didn't mean that confession, though." She added as an afterthought. "I'll back you up."

"And, um…" Marco looked at Janna's mom, and Janna realized that they probably needed to clear the air - privately.

"Do you mind giving us a minute, mom?" She asked, and her mom pursed her lips. She looked as though she had more to say, but reluctantly headed back to the dining room.

"You know I didn't _mean_ any of that, right?" Marco asked. "Either part. We're friends. I like you. I don't hate you, I'm not," he blushed and mumbled, " _in love with you_."

Janna cracked a smile. "Yeah, man, I get it." She couldn't help but think of that rush of emotion she'd felt when she'd transferred the magic. She was surprised that Marco had even contained himself as well as he had - she definitely wouldn't have been able to. Now that it was all said and done, she felt a twang of remorse. The feeling had been fake, but also, well - _magical._

"And I am sorry," she added. "Really. I won't, uh, go that far again, okay?"

At this, Marco smiled as well. "I don't think I believe you." He said jokingly. "But yeah, I'd appreciate that."

He hugged her, again, for a moment, and then they headed back to the dining room to rejoin their families.

"Oh, ah, Janna," he said and grabbed her elbow to stop her. She turned around to see him looking concerned. "You did get _all_ of that magic out of me, right? Like, you're sure?"

Janna's eyes widened when she realized what he was implicating, and she took a step back. Her stomach did another little flop that she chose, again, to ignore.

Marco cracked a grin and broke into laughter.

"Now I see why you do it to me!"

* * *

 **So there's some fluff for you. And on a weekly update schedule, too. That's as impressive as anything.**

 **Comment-comment-COMMENT RESPONSE!**

 **Fenrir: thanks man, always nice to earn praise!**

 **Allison-Collusion: "Marshmallow Marco" sounds like a drink. Maybe tequila with some kind of sweet foam topping. It'd be one of those drinks that'd be 10$ a shot and popular at gay bars.**

 **In terms of the monsters going crazy for technology, that actually was an intentional development for once. Most of the time when you guys make points like that we just kinda roll with it, but this one was definitely deliberate on my part (although it didn't ever get written down anywhere). In the show, Ludo's castle had things like vending machines in the break room and decrepit power poles out front, and I like the idea that when the Mewmans arrived with magic and suppressed the monsters, it literally started a dark age for them. So getting the technology back is huge for the regime change.**

 **Hope this week's episode didn't disappoint.**

 **Guest: Janna is more important than your trivial college matters, drop out immediately. (Do not take my advice my only qualification is fanfic writer and I can't even put it on a resume.)**

 **Wand-creature will definitely be coming back at some point.**

 **Janco would be natural. "Friends-to-lovers" is basically my favorite trope when it comes to romance, and while I'm not super into the comedy element of it beyond what's already in the story, I don't enjoy writing ridiculous romantic drama either. Some people are good at it. I am not. So it'd be a slow and natural progression.**

 **OMAC001 and Haziq: no specific response, but thanks for continually engaging with our story, we really enjoy reading your thoughts even when they're only one sentence.**

 ** _Next time, on Janna the Witch and Marco the Karate-Boy Sideshow:_ It's the end of February, and Joleen's 12th birthday has rolled around just like it does every year. Only this year, it coincides with an event that she can't wait to get into - the annual Echo Creek Comic Convention! Janna's dragged along to buy her in and keep an eye on her - and that means Marco and Jackie are being dragged along, too. But when Janna insults a panelist for Joleen's favorite show, a trip directly into one of the writer's stories ends up being _way_ more than anyone bargained for!**

 **Join us next time for the next episode: _The Second-Hand Crusade!_**


	27. S2 C6: The Second-Hand Crusade

**Writing this chapter was like pulling teeth. Metaphorically. But I LITERALLY still have all of my teeth AND the chapter's finally done, so that's bonus points. Double whammy!**

 **Comment response and other stuff at bottom, like usual. And new art on the tumblr for you to check out. It's great. Enjoy.**

* * *

The day Janna had been dreading all month had finally arrived.

Valentine's day was a distant memory of two weeks ago, and with it, so too was the awkwardness of Marco's artificial emotional roller-coaster. She was glad to be past it, and she suspected Marco felt the same.

With no adventures to go on and no monsters invading the city, the month had been one of the longest uninterrupted streaks of normalcy since before Janna had found the book. With it, she and Marco had fallen into a routine. School, home, train with Glossaryck, bed. School, home, train with Glossaryck, bed. Into infinity.

Janna suspected that, had she known what was going on in the magical world, she would've been more interested about eventually diving back into it. As it were, though, it had now been about a month since they'd heard anything from the Butterflies, and she'd all but stopped trying to use Joleen's scissors to get to Mewni.

Within this framework of normalcy, the days flew by faster than she could count them, until suddenly came the event she'd been dreading since before Valentine's Day. She'd made a promise to her sister, hastily, clumsily, and without thinking to word in a loophole, back when she'd needed a dummy to test her personality spells on in Marco's absence. And the time had come to fulfill it.

February 25th. Sunday. It was Joleen's 12th birthday, and, coincidentally, the same day of the annual Echo Creek Nerd Gathering, otherwise known as Creek-Con. Enough comic and video game gear, panels, events and participants to keep even the most ravenous geek satisfied for at least the following year.

Janna herself had never been inside the convention center while the event was going on. She'd heard rumors that the smell of body odor alone was enough to knock people out for hundreds of feet around the building.

Still, she didn't want to think what her sister would do to her if she backed out on the promise now, and she suspected her mom would blame _her_ if Joleen found her way into the convention unattended.

So, bright and early at the crack of 9:30, she laced up her boots, clenched her teeth, and prepared herself for a rousing day of awkward boredom surrounded by the town's most impressively-dressed nerds.

As soon as she'd finished buttoning down, there came a knock at her bedroom door. Before she could think to say anything, she heard her sister's excited voice from the other side. "Janna come on, it's only once a year and I can't wait!"

Sighing in resignation, the older Russo stood up and left her room. "Alright then, let's go." She paused when she passed Joleen though, then did a double-take. "Actually, hang on, what are you _wearing?_ "

For the first time she saw the getup her younger counterpart had decided was appropriate for the day. An oily doo-rag held back her hair, while she'd apparently painted one of her jackets black and ripped off its sleeves. An old, worn-through pair of their mom's thrift-store jeans completed the ensemble.

"Uh, I'm Sam, _duh."_ She said as if Janna was supposed to know who that was, She flashed an aluminum-foil badge that was on her chest. "The cop from _The Second-Hand Crusade?_ I've been working on it all week!"

Janna rolled her eyes. Nerd. "Alright, well come on then _Sam._ " She said. "Let's go get Marco and Jackie."

Joleen's scissors flashed through the air. Instantly, they were in front of Jackie's house. It was closer to Echo Creek's very limited beachfront than Janna's was, low to the ground, and styled like a mexican pueblo that had, by some odd coincidence, been painted the same blueish-green as Jackie's hair and clothes.

Janna didn't really want to take Joleen to the convention to begin with - but if she was going, she had made sure she wasn't the only one roped into it.

Giving the front door a light rap with her knuckles, it swung open immediately to reveal Jackie's smiling face. "Hey!" She said before catching sight of Joleen and grinning wider. "Nice costume, kiddo! A fellow Sam fan, huh?"

Joleen could hardly contain her excitement. "You watch it too, that's _so cool!_ Janna just thinks it's lame."

"Yeah but your sister thinks anything that doesn't involve demons or dead people is lame. She has _actual magic_ and it's like, an 8 for her." Jackie prodded, and Janna scowled at her. "Let's get going, then, or we'll miss the opening!"

Joleen made to open a portal to the center before Janna stopped her. "Hang on," she said, and, borrowing the scissors, opened a different window and stepped through. They could hear the sounds of Marco on the other side.

"Janna, don't do that! What if I was in my underwear!"

"Yeah, what an unfortunate occurrence that would be, _Diaz._ "

"Ow!"

Jackie and Joleen smirked at each other as Janna pulled Marco back through the portal by his elbow, fully clothed and fairly disgruntled.

"Hey Marco," Jackie said, and Marco replied with something that could've been a "hey" but came out more like a "hehheyuhhhhhhhgh…"

"NOW we can go." Janna handed the scissors back to Joleen, who cut a final portal and stepped through.

Emerging behind her, the Echo Creek Convention Center sprawled out in front of them. A big, white, circular building about the size of a football stadium, they were just in time to see a well-costumed robot man finish some kind of speech in front of a crowd of people, before throwing the doors to the venue open behind him.

The crowd rushed in excitedly and Joleen pulled Janna into the throng, Jackie and Marco following behind. They were shoved along into a line of people purchasing passes and Janna coughed up the dough necessary for them both, and then they were inside.

Beyond the front doors, rows of kiosks and stalls stretched off into the corners of the building.

"Well that's big." Marco looked around as he and Jackie reappeared behind them.

Jackie immediately grabbed his wrist and went "ooh, look!" and off they went. Janna, without such freedoms, was forced to follow her younger sister as she went for an itinerary.

"Alright, looks like the panel I want to go to isn't until about 1:00." Joleen analyzed.

Janna groaned. It'd hardly been half an hour since she'd left her room, _and_ Joleen was probably going to want to stick around afterwords. It was shaping up to be a slow, painful day.

"You could _try_ and enjoy yourself, you know." Glossaryck drawled, rising from her pocket. He looked around at the nearby booths with interest, before his eyes alighted on Joleen. "Great costume, kiddo!"

Joleen beamed, but Janna scowled. "Don't encourage her," she muttered, then reluctantly followed as the two wandered off into the crowd.

To her own surprise, though, Janna found it was pretty hard to _not_ have fun as her sister shepherded her between brightly colored booths.

The displays varied wildly. One minute, Janna was watching Joleen demo a video game. Then they were talking with a writer for one of her shows. Then they were reading comics, demo-ing cosmetics, or looking at a new line of toys.

Most of the booths were giving away freebies too, and despite herself, some of them Janna couldn't resist. Before long she was carrying a small bag filled with goodies. A few comics accompanied a t-shirt with a well known character design on it, along with a small figurine for some game that had reminded her too much of pre-internet Ishkilthul for her to pass up.

She caught sight of Marco and Jackie a couple of times, the former talking animatedly for once. Janna smiled - even though he still choked on his tongue normally, it seemed like once they were actually in the swing of things, they worked great together. Seeing the pair talking and laughing also made her stomach lurch uncomfortably, though she wasn't quite sure why. She chalked it up to some kind of weird, visually-induced indigestion.

Jackie also turned the head of every boy she passed, which made Janna smirk and laugh when the "distraction" caused pile-ups and other accidents. She might've been having a good time, but she wasn't the least surprised to find that at least _some_ of the rumors about the average attendee were true.

Time slipped by quickly as she and her sister continued their tour - so quickly, in fact, that Janna was quite surprised when her sister announced it was 1:00 and sped them off to the panel.

They met up with Marco and Jackie outside. The two were holding hands, now, and Marco looked quite happy about the development. Janna's gut gave another annoying tweak, which she once again ignored.

Thus far, she and Joleen had stayed away from the panels, which Janna had been grateful for. She hadn't exactly been excited about watching a live interview in an auditorium, for something she knew nothing about, while surrounded by hundreds of other people. So when Joleen led the way into the panel room, her fears weren't exactly put to rest.

Endless rows of uncomfortably close steel folding chairs packed the room, all faced towards a stage at the front of it. A long, empty table sat center-stage, with a big monitor behind it flashing the logo for _the Second-Hand Crusade,_ along with various stills from the show.

The room was swiftly filling up, but Joleen darted to the front and nabbed a pair of chairs. Marco and Jackie sat a row behind them, nearby.

Before long, most of the seats had filled, the crowd chattering away. A lot of them, Janna noticed, were in costume as well, and it gave her a weird sense of pride (quickly squashed) to see that Joleen's was definitely one of the better ones present. The others were spread out between what were presumably the rest of the characters in the show. The guys were all wearing white sleeveless tees and ripped black pants, some sporting glowing bracelets like you'd get at a concert, while others had ridiculously overdone hairdos.

The girls, of which there were surprisingly many, had more variety among them: aside from variants of Joleen's outfit, some were wearing ridiculously revealing tied crop-tops and shorts that were about 6 inches too short (not a whole lot of them pulled off the look that well). Others had tool belts and goggles, with techie-looking devices strapped to shirts and bandoliers.

"The guys are all Derrick, obviously," Joleen explained when Janna asked. "The girls are either Jenny, who's like his totally butt-kickin', super hot partner, or Sam like me, who's a cop that helps out sometimes, or Janey, Jenny's sister, who's like, their mechanic and tech whiz."

"There's only the one guy?" Janna asked. "And the sisters are named Jenny and Janey?"

Joleen nodded. "Well, except for some of the bad guys. Can't have them beating up girls, y'know. And… yeah. I guess their mom liked J names, huh?"

The room finished filling, and Glossaryck settled himself on Janna's shoulders to watch the proceedings just as the first panelist walked on stage.

He wasn't much to look at, Janna thought - shortish, pudgy, with a hawaiian-print shirt, a shining, olive-skinned round face and a short, dark beard and hair. If anything, he reminded her a little bit of what she remembered from the few times she'd met her distant relatives.

Despite that though, the crowd went _nuts,_ with enough screaming and applause to make Janna's ears ring. Joleen, she noted, was no exception. Her sister had stood up on her chair and was clapping wildly. "It's him! That's him!" She shouted to Janna, as if that statement alone was supposed to excite her.

The man was soon joined by 8 other equally unremarkable individuals, about half of them women, and it was only after several minutes that the applause died down enough for them to speak.

"Um, thank you for coming," said Janna's doughy-looking maybe-relative. His voice echoed out over the speakers around the room. "My name is Lesley Rutiliano, I'm the creator of _The Second-Hand Crusade,_ and, um…"

The crowd gave a cheer, but Janna snorted and crossed her arms. The guy's name was _Lesley?_

"So, um, we're going to do a live script reading of the episode," Lesley continued timidly, "and then we'll, uh, take some questions from the audience. Okay? So everyone introduce yourselves, and, uh…"

The line of other panelists - other writers, and character voices - introduced themselves, but Janna tuned out as soon as the names started flowing. She'd never even seen the show, after all, and thought almost longingly of all the booths she hadn't yet visited.

Instead, she sat and listened as the writers and actors began their show. Joleen was immediately hanging on every word. Janna looked behind her, and saw that she wasn't the only one - Marco and Jackie, too, were listening as if their lives depended on it. Janna paid it no mind. Instead, she sat forward, arms crossed, as the story moved forward.

She suspected that the contents of the script might have interested her more had she actually known anything about the show. As it was, near as she could figure out, Derrick was trying to find his uncle, who'd been abducted by an alien illuminati, and had to fight robots and stuff to get to him. It probably would've worked better had the script been an actual cartoon.

Aside from not knowing the characters or the setting, the story didn't make a whole heck of a lot of sense. Dimly annoyed, she made to raise her head and say so.

"Is this really what you're so invested in?" She asked Joleen. "I mean, i know it's just the script, but-"

"Ssh!" Joleen put a finger to Janna's lips, without taking her eyes from the stage.

"Do you guys really buy in to this garbage?" Janna asked aloud, and she turned to face Jackie and Marco. "Guys?"

Her friends were still staring up at the stage, paying her no mind. She expected Marco to at least tell her to be quiet, but he didn't seem to even notice her. She made to ask them what was going on, but no sound left her throat. A spike of panic began worming its way into her brain, She couldn't move, speak, or hear anything but script.

She forced herself, slowly, to turn around and look up into the eyes of Leslie Rutiliano. He met her gaze and stared at her intently. The actors and writers were still talking, but their voices were becoming more and more distant. He poured all his concentration into his stare, his pudgy face boring into Janna's brain. For someone who looked like a mascot for a pizza place, he was surprisingly intimidating.

Finally, she succumbed. Her eyes rolled up into her head, and she blacked out.

* * *

 _Am I dead?_

Janna was surrounded by the void. It wasn't friendly and welcoming, like the quiet-time before she went to bed. It wasn't angry and malicious like the darkness she'd felt at the bottom of Echo Creek's Comfy Suites. It was just… nothing. She floated, weightless, through nothing, and as much as she strained her eyes, it was nothing in every direction, forever.

If she really _was_ dead, and _this_ was the way she was going to spend the next eternity, she quickly decided it sucked.

"Incendio!" Her voice sounded small and weak in the dark. She held out her hand, expecting a burst of fire, but nothing happened.

"That won't work here." A male voice boomed out around her. Then reality folded in on itself.

Janna blinked. One moment, there had been nothing. The next she was standing, surrounded by a futuristic cityscape. Everything was shrouded in neon blue or purple, and made entirely of steel, concrete or asphalt. There was a distant hum of faraway traffic and voices.

A moment later, Marco, Jackie and Joleen popped into space next to her, except they, well, _weren't._ They'd all taken on waxy, timeless faces, that made them look like they could've been 15 or 35. Joleen was taller. Marco had doubled his body weight in muscle. And Jackie…

They looked around in confusion, but Janna flushed. "Oh my _god_ ," she stared at her friend. "Jackie, what are you _wearing?"_

Jackie looked down at herself and blushed a brilliant shade of red, all the way down to her collarbone. Her outfit could've passed for a 2-piece swimsuit, with a tied crop top barely covering her shoulders and chest, and a pair of two-inch short-shorts that left nothing to the imagination. Kids had been suspended from their school for wearing more.

When he saw the change, Marco's jaw dropped open like it was about to unhinge. Joleen cackled, and Janna noticed they'd undergone a similar treatment. Marco's hoodie was gone, replaced by a white sleeveless tee that clung to his new frame and basically made him look like he could go 20 rounds with a pro boxer and not break a sweat. On his wrist was a glowing red bracelet made from links of molten steel. Joleen's cosplay had turned into the real thing, complete with actual police badge.

Janna looked down at herself, dreading that she'd look like Jackie or worse, but it wasn't so bad. She had a black t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off and the midriff tied to show her stomach (which she quickly corrected) and a pair of torn, grease-covered jeans. She was wearing a bandolier stuffed with techie junk, and a satchel packed with everything from a handful of angular crystals to a tazer.

Marco was still gaping at an obviously uncomfortable Jackie, and Janna felt a surge of annoyance towards him. "Joleen, jacket." She ordered, and her sister snarled at her.

"What? No, Janna, it's part of the outfit! No! Agh!"

The two tussled for a moment while Janna tugged and pulled the jacket off her sister's shoulders. Succeeding, she handed it to Jackie, who gave her a grateful look.

Marco snapped back to reality while she covered up, and blushed as deeply as she had when he realized how long he'd been staring.

"So!" He cleared his throat. "Where are we?"

Jackie and Marco looked expectantly at Janna, before Joleen cut in.

"Well we're in _The Second-Hand Crusade_ , duh." She said. "I think it was the episode they were reading."

"Okay, how? And why am I dressed like this?" Jackie had zipped up the jacket, but was still obviously uncomfortable with how much her shorts resembled, well, underwear.

Joleen shrugged. "That's Jenny's outfit." Then she looked at Janna. The others did the same, as if expecting her to suddenly explain how it had all happened. It occurred to her that they all thought _she_ had done this.

"Woah, no." Janna said. "I mean, I get it, this is totally magic, but it wasn't me, I swear."

"Right," Marco said, unconvinced. "So how do we get out?"

"Well you play through the script of course."

In front of them, a man in an overcoat popped into existence. He was skinny, tall, and wearing all black, but the curly hair and beard were unmistakable. He had the same intense eyes, the same slack face.

"Hold on, you're the show's creator." Jackie beat Janna to the punch. "Leslie Rutiliano."

Janna snorted. "Lose a few pounds of water weight?"

Joleen shot her sister a scathing look, then contained a squeal and tapped in place for a moment. "Can I have your autograph?"

Leslie smiled at her and snapped his fingers, and an autographed poster appeared in the air, signed itself, folded itself up, and flew into one of Joleen's pockets.

"Okay man, hijacking us and sending us to play your script? Not cool!" Marco stepped forward. He was quite a bit more intimidating than normal, considering one of his biceps was now thicker around than Janna's head.

"And seriously," Jackie interjected, "what's with this outfit?"

Leslie raised his hands apologetically. "It was an accident. I use enchanted scripts to capture the audience's attention. It's part of the reason my show's been so successful. But with your friend here, I had to push a little harder. Can't have her ruining my panel, y'know?"

He studied Janna closely, and she backed up a pace as he stepped closer, but stared back defiantly.

"Yes, very interesting." He muttered.

Janna blinked. "Enchanted script? So how do we get out?" She asked.

Leslie shrugged. "You'll have to play your parts, I guess. Once you've reached the end of the script, everything should go back to normal. But until then…"

He evaporated into smoke, and within a moment, even that had disappeared.

"Hang on, what about some _pants?"_ Jackie shouted at the shadow, and a moment later, the shorts wove themselves into something a few inches closer to decent.

"Well, that was helpful." Janna grumbled. Marco and Jackie looked like they shared the sentiment, but Joleen was lit up like this was a dream come true.

"No, guys, don't you get it? This is so cool! Marco, you're Derrick! You've got fire powers, and super strength! And I'm Sam! This is totally awesome! Alright, gotta get into character." She cleared her throat and took on a much more husky, disgruntled tone.

"Alright, listen up losers," she sneered. "The reptilian super-government is abducting mind-control prisoners at the top of the Steeple, tonight at midnight. We need to get up there, stop them, and free Derrick's uncle in the next two hours, or he'll be gone for good."

Janna found herself extracting a tablet and tapping its screen. At her command, a holographic diagram of a skyscraper popped into existence in front of them.

"The Steeple," Janna recited bookishly. "200 stories tall. Houses the city center. Most fortified building for 1,000 miles. Sounds easy enough."

Like when she'd said her part of the incantation at the underworld shrine, she had no idea where the words had come from. But she couldn't stop herself.

Marco grunted. "Finally, uncle. After all these years." He left off into a brooding silence.

Jackie put her arm around his waist to comfort him. He didn't seem to notice, but Janna did. White-hot jealousy burned in her stomach. She caught herself scowling, then blinked as the wave of emotion rolled over her. That _had_ to have been the script. Still, looking at the embrace made her mad. _Really_ mad.

While Marco/Derrick monologued about the long, difficult journey, Janna prodded her sister's shoulder. "Joleen!" She whispered.

Joleen blinked. Immersion: broken. She looked at Janna in annoyance. "What?"

"Does my character have a thing for Marco's?"

Joleen smirked as if she knew _exactly_ what Janna had just felt. "Yeah. You're in love with Derrick."

Janna scowled again. The knowledge didn't make her feel any better.

Before she was able to make sense of herself, a loud buzzing filled the air. Dozens of glowing basketball-sized spheres appeared out of the air above them. Each one blazed a different neon color, and was propelled by its own set of miniature helicopter blades. "Stop where you are!" A voice called out from nowhere.

"President Corprus." Not-Marco growled and balled his fists. "Last I checked, you wanted the Swarm gone as much as any of us. Why betray us now?"

Janna was immediately totally lost as to what was going on, but that didn't stop the script. The spheres buzzed into a loose formation and began acting as tiny, rounded displays. The end result looked as though she was staring through a window, past an enormous, extremely thick hashtag.

"Things change, Derrick." President Corprus appeared on the makeshift screen. He was pale, drawn, and arrogant, and having his face blown up to the size of a billboard had _not_ done the inside of his nose any favors. "Let's just say I've… seen the light."

"Mind control!" Not-Jackie called out. The president sniffed.

"Enlightenment." He corrected. "In any case, I now own a controlling share of the Steeple. I'm afraid I can't let you do… whatever it is you're going to do to it. Ta ta."

With that, the spheres loosed themselves from their formation and attacked in a whir of neon light. Each one unfolded into a different configuration. Some sprouted dozens of thin, spindly cords. Others produced tiny swords and shields. Still others broke apart and reassembled into contraptions which looked suspiciously like laser cannons.

In moments, Janna's combat instincts kicked in. She stretched out her arms towards the line of advancing spheres, concentrated on flooding them with water, and shouted the spell: "Hydro-oralysis pepto!"

Expecting a blast of water to appear from her hands, she was surprised when nothing happened. Not a single drop fell from her fingertips. She ducked on reflex as a sphere buzzed over and tried to give her a haircut with its rotors.

"Magic's not working!" Janna shouted, but Marco took center stage.

"Mine is," he growled. His bracelet glowed brighter, and so did his hands. He threw a pair of fireballs at two of the drones, incinerating them to ash like they'd been made of paper.

Jackie roundhouse kicked one that got too close, but before Janna could watch more, Joleen grabbed her shoulder and pulled her into cover behind a car.

"Janey doesn't have magic powers!" She explained.

Janna just stared. "So?"

"So _you're_ Janey! You've gotta use your tech skills!"

Joleen flung herself to the side and snapped off a couple shots with her laser pistol. Janna made to follow suit with some random devices from her holster, but there was no need.

Marco, having evidently decided that the fight had gone on long enough, heaved the car Janna had been hiding behind above his head with a roar. With a crash of crumpled metal, it made short work of the remaining half-dozen spheres.

He dusted his hands as if all he'd done was swat them with a newspaper, and pointed to a looming tower in the distance. "Steeple's half a mile, and a robocab's probably a bad idea. Let's go."

While they walked, Janna and her sister lagged behind. Joleen was busy explaining the plot, at Janna's request. It was basically like she'd heard from the script - something about alien-controlled governments and a corporatocracy - but she'd stopped listening before Joleen could finish. Not-Jackie was insistently holding hands with not-Marco, and Janna was staring at the coupling intently.

"Are you okay?" Joleen asked, and it broke Janna out of her reverie.

"Stupid script." Janna growled - and it _was_ the script. She'd practice personality spells enough to know when one was affecting her.

Joleen only smirked. "Need to go find some tigers to fight?" Since Marco's own spellbound love-confession earlier in the month, a day hadn't gone by without her making _some_ kind of reference to it.

As it was, the remark only flared Janna's temper further. "Cut it out!" She shouted at the sky.

Not-Marco seemed to take the comment in stride. "We're not afraid of you snake-skinned cowards!" He bellowed up as well.

The sky did not respond.

"You too, Marco." Janna snapped, and Marco blinked as the spell temporarily released its hold. He quickly let go of Jackie's hand.

"Right." He said. "Dumb script. Let's just get this over with. I'd like my hoodie back."

Before long, the tallest building in the sea of dystopia stretched up in front of them. Craning her neck, Janna couldn't see the top. It just went up and up, forever.

"Too easy," Joleen remarked, and Marco grunted in agreement.

As if on cue, it seemed like every door on the block opened simultaneously and began streaming reinforcements. Some spewed chrome-covered cyber-soldiers - others dispatched a flurry of the same flying drones they'd fought before, and still others the size of two-story buildings opened to reveal enormous, menacing walking mechanoids.

Before anything could happen, Janna somehow managed to grab everyone in the party and shove them down a side-alleyway. With her magic not working, she wasn't optimistic about her chances.

"We need a plan," she said, and Joleen and Jackie nodded in agreement. Marco, however, shrugged.

"We fight." He said, and cracked his knuckles. "No more delays. We need to get to my uncle."

"Marco, seriously." Janna said, and Marco's eyes cleared as he was once again pulled out of the script.

"Seriously what?" He asked. "Janna, you've got magic _all the time_ , and now I've got super-strength and can throw fireballs! I wanna go test it all out!"

"They'll run us over." Janna countered. "That was a _lot_ of reinforcements."

Joleen nodded. "I counted 40 troopers, 10 swarms of probots, and 8 Platinum Platforms. Too much for us."

Marco shrugged, obviously nonplussed. "So I'll slam a car into some people and we'll keep going. Now come on -"

His voice deepened slightly. "No plan. Just attack."

With that, he bounded out of the alley. Moments later, they heard crashes and shouting around the corner as he proceeded to "test his powers" on some poor unsuspecting cyber-security.

Resigned to their fate, the three others followed.

Perhaps surprisingly, Marco was doing a decent job of holding his own. 3 of the enormous walkers were smoking wreckage already, and the remaining 5 were doing their best to stay away from his fists. Cyber-soldiers holding laser rifles fired indiscriminately, but what few lasers hit simply glanced off of him. The drones were buzzing overhead, one occasionally swatted out of the air by a fireball, but Marco was too fast for them to catch.

Janna watched as he bounded to a streetlamp and, with a shout of defiance, ripped it out of the concrete. Wielding it like it weighed no more than a baseball bat, he began to swat at anything that was unfortunate enough to get close.

With a battle cry, Jackie and Joleen joined the fight. Jackie was quick to bust out a series of punches and kicks that would've put Marco's sensei to… well, further shame than he already was. Joleen snapped off shot after well-placed shot, managing to land a lucky hit on a Platinum Platform and sending it staggering away in a haywire panic.

"Marco, you've gotta teach me how to do this when we get out of here!" Jackie backflipped and used a cyber-soldier's face as a springboard before throwing herself into the air at a drone. It crashed to the ground a moment later, some of its internal circuits sizzling in her hand.

Janna, for her part, felt useless. She had a bandolier of tech-junk that, despite her best efforts towards coaxing the script to guide her, she just could _not_ figure out how to operate properly. They varied in size and shape from a souped-up taser to what looked like a universal remote with a squid's worth of tentacle-wires coming off of the end.

She found out what that did accidentally, though, as a cyber-soldier snuck up behind her to try and ambush. The remote sprung to life on its own, and just as the guard laid a hand on her shoulder. A wire whizzed past her ear and into its head, and its eye-visor flashed a rainbow of neon - green, pink, blue - before going dark. The cyborg collapsed.

Thanks in no small part to her own helplessness, though, the battle had quickly turned against them. More soldiers and artillery were showing up from side-streets and behind them, turning what had been a surprisingly promising brawl into a one-sided stomp.

It concluded when Jackie, overestimating herself, decided to take on an entire squad of soldiers single handedly. A powerful series of kicks sent half of them sprawling, but she cried out in pain when a laser-bolt connected with her arm. Seizing the opportunity, a pair of drones spun out of the air and seized her wrists, helped by a surge of cybermen. One of them was quick to put a sidearm beneath her chin, and called out.

" **Surrender!"** An electronically-enhanced voice called out. **"We have the upper hand. Submit for processing."**

"Don't!" Jackie called, though it only served to earn her a sharp beat from the butt of the guard's weapon.

Marco was halfway through climbing up and systematically dismantling another Platinum Platform, but when he saw Jackie's predicament, stopped and jumped down immediately.

"Don't!" He shouted back. "We surrender."

"No!" Jackie cried, but the battle was over as soon as the last syllable left Marco's lips. Janna found herself surrounded by drones next to Joleen, who tossed down her pistol, both their hands in the air. Marco himself was incapacitated almost immediately - without ceremony one of the mecha-walkers stomped down, flattening him into the pavement.

"You monsters!" Jackie cried, and Janna's eyes went wide as well - those things were as big as buildings, and made entirely of metal! Had her best friend just been turned into a pancake?

And yet, when the thing lifted it's foot, Marco seemed to be merely unconscious, with the pavement around him cracked into a shallow crater from the impact.

Janna let out a short sigh of relief, shared by Jackie, before the remaining drones reassembled into another makeshift screen.

"I warned you," said the president. He loomed over them, even larger than he had before. "Now, you'll be processed. I believe some of you will make excellent cyber-soldiers, and Derrick, well…" he chuckled. "I can think of a few people that would like to purchase a piece of him."

The screen flickered and died, and a set of drones came down to carry Marco's limp body inside the building by its shoulders. The three girls were shunted along behind him.

* * *

The inside of the Steeple was as impressive as it was vacant. Enormous, cathedral-sized rooms were backlit by purple and blue lights, and completely devoid of any feature - no furniture, no statues, no offices or even a vending machine. Big, empty rooms. Even the enormous, 20-foot-tall walkers had no trouble clearing doorways.

The party was stripped of weapons, and pushed along towards a freight elevator big enough to comfortably transport a small house. With the entire escort around them, down it began to go.

Janna kept her eyes open for an advantage to leverage, but they were basically trapped. Aside from the 2 massive steel behemoths flanking them that she had _no_ idea how to deal with, drones were buzzing overhead from every angle, and there were at least 20 cyber-soldiers keeping formation around them.

After what seemed like forever, the elevator fell to a stop in a sublevel that might've been a mile below the surface. Enormous, electrically-hemmed prison cells stretched out into the dim gloom, and a thin, dank mist hovered around everything.

" **Special orders for those two."** One of the guards said mechanically, and pointed towards Jackie and Marco. **"Take them for interrogation. You two, come with me."**

Janna was led off with her sister, and although the walkers quickly disappeared in the dusk of the area, neither of them were particularly enthusiastic about starting a fight. There was no telling where the other guards had gone with their weapons, and menacing-looking auto-turrets stood at the corner of every set of cells. Janna didn't feel particularly enthusiastic about finding out how well they could aim.

Escorted to the very back of the room, a rough, craggy cave wall made up the back of their cell. A door was outlined in the electrical field a moment later, and the two girls were thrown through. It sealed instantly behind them. The cell itself was just as featureless as everything else Janna had seen - no chairs, no beds, not even a toilet.

"Great." Janna said. "Well that sure went according to plan. Freakin' Marco. I might have magic all the time, but I don't just rush into everything because of it!"

Joleen bit her tongue, but gave Janna a look, and she paused to consider. "Fine, I don't _always_ rush into everything."

Sitting down on the stone floor, Janna watched the electricity flicker between the bars for a moment. Joleen walked up and made to reach through a seeming gap, and withdrew with a hiss a moment later, sporting a fresh burn.

"Well, now what?" Janna asked. "We wait?"

Joleen looked at her incredulously. "Whaddo ya mean, _now what?_ You're the tech whiz, not me! Get us out of here!"

Janna looked at her helplessly, then scanned the cell again. Even if she _did_ have the faintest inkling of what she was doing, there was no terminal or interface for her to try and work with. Just the bars and the electricity.

" _Ugh,_ you're hopeless." Joleen walked over and, to Janna's surprise, immediately went for her feet.

"Hey! Ow, Joleen, what - get off! Give that back!"

In a moment, Joleen was holding one of Janna's boots triumphantly. Reaching in, she withdrew a long steel spike with a plastic handle - a screwdriver.

"You weren't listening to the script?" Joleen asked before tossing the boot back. "This was, like, one of the last things I heard before I woke up in here."

She gave Janna the screwdriver and looked at her expectantly. "Well? Do your thing."

Janna looked around, at the bars, at the floor, even at the cave wall behind them, looking for something that she could conceivably use a screwdriver to access. Seeing nothing, reexamining, and still coming up empty, she tossed it at the bars in frustration.

With a screech and a pop, it lodged itself between two of the bars - seemingly just enough to short out the electrical field, the entire cage went dark a moment later. Janna retrieved the tool from where it'd fallen, smoking, the handle partially melted.

"Uh, I meant to do that." She said dumbly, and Joleen rolled her eyes before walking over to the now-unsecured door and pushing it open.

"C'mon. No guards."

Before they could proceed, however, Janna pulled her sister back and pointed to a turret stationed just outside their cell. Hefting her screwdriver, the knowledge of what to do finally inexplicably popped into her head.

Heading back in and to the corner of the cell, she unscrewed a panel on the back of one of the turrets and looked at the circuits inside.

And stared.

And the feeling was gone again.

Shrugging, she jammed the screwdriver into a rather large-looking circuit board. In a moment, the turret sparked and died… followed by every other turret in sight.

Withdrawing the screwdriver, Janna looked at her sister. "Meant to do that, too." She said. It seemed that good ol' percussive maintenance was applicable in _any_ universe.

Sneaking out and along the cells, Janna noticed that most were empty, and that, save for an occasional pair of guards for them to dodge, the rest of the complex was as well. The few people they did see seemed shell-shocked, more than anything - no reaction to them trying to help and, with no better option available, left behind.

With a few minutes of sneaking and crawling, they'd made their way back to the elevator to find it now deserted of guards and empty. They decided not to stick around waiting for the platinum platforms to reappear, and instead set off towards the direction Marco and Jackie had been abducted towards.

"Should be this way." Joleen was openly using her strangely precise memory of the script to guide them, now, since Janna was supposed to have downloaded a map from a console near the elevator but couldn't figure out how. It was a good thing, too - with the clinging mist and dim lighting, and the rows upon rows of identical cells, the entire complex took on a labyrinthine appearance.

"Psst! Janey!" They crept past another cell and both nearly jumped out of their skin. In the eerie circumstances, they'd been left to their own sounds, and even the low whisper cut through the fog with a crack.

"Jackie?" Janna asked, and peered into one of the cells. Jackie's face appeared out of the gloom and between bands of electricity - aside from a bruise swelling on one of her temples, she looked unharmed. Although her hands looked as though she hadn't given up on the "attack the electrified bars" strategy quite as quickly as Joleen had.

"Hang on, we'll get you out." Janna withdrew her melty-looking screwdriver and jumped away as she dropped it between the bars. Just as had happened to her own cell, it sparked and popped for a moment, and then the flashing, arcing electricity disappeared.

A doorway appeared and Jackie stepped through. She handed back Joleen's jacket, which the younger Russo looked quite excited to see.

"They took Derrick —"

"Marco," Janna corrected.

"Whatever, they took him that way," Jackie pointed. "But he had a lot of guards, so we should try and - oh, shoot."

On que, a squad of cyber-soldiers rounded the corner to Jackie's now dormant cell, weapons high.

" **STOP. RETURN TO YOUR CELLS OR BE DESTROYED."** One of them commanded. They approached, rifles raised, and Jackie gave her answer by planting a lightning-fast kick into the chest of the closest.

The guards had enough time to squeeze off a few shots before they were overwhelmed. Jackie leapt forward like a cat and incapacitated three more with a flurry of blows. Joleen wrestled one to the ground and borrowed its sidearm to finish the job.

And Janna, for her part, slammed her fist into one's chest, and immediately regretted the decision - it felt like she'd broken her wrist on impact, and the cyborg wasn't even phased. A single well-placed laser-bolt from Joleen's weapon made short work of the guard, instead.

Clutching at her wrist, Janna felt her eyes water as she tried her best not to cry out. She hadn't hurt so much since her disastrous attempt at making a wand. Not having magic _sucked_ \- was that how Marco felt any time they fought together?

An alarm blared overhead before she could pursue the thought any further. It seemed that the sudden combat hadn't gone unnoticed. A moment later, Jackie was leading them through the complex at a breakneck pace. Stealth was thrown out the window as they slammed their way through anything that came at them wrong. In absence of, well, anything else, Janna had picked up her own sidearm and was making decent use of it - though with a sprained wrist and no experience in-script or otherwise, her accuracy left a bit to be desired.

Suffice to say, by the time they reached Marco's prison, more than a couple of the frayed hairs and burns on Joleen and Jackie hadn't come from the guards.

Janna was at the door and tinkering with the controls before even she knew what she was doing, and in moments, they slid open with a hiss. Marco's cell was immediately quite a bit different from the rest of the prison's - no bars, no electricity, just a big set of sliding doors built into the rocky wall.

Inside, they could hear grumbling and groaning, and in the dim light, there was the twinkle of computer consoles and the neon glare of more cyborg-guards.

Joleen and Jackie had both thrown themselves in past Janna before anyone could register that the doors were open - in a flurry, the guards were incapacitated.

Marco himself was suspended from a strange, O-shaped device by arcs of electricity from his wrists and ankles. Even as they tried to free him, he was jolted and shocked, grunting and groaning each time.

Finally, with no better option, Janna once again tried for percussive maintenance. A couple shots from one of the guards' laser-rifles, and the restraint console became a heap of melting slag.

Marco dropped to the floor unceremoniously, spread-eagle, and Jackie rushed to his side immediately.

"Guys, more company any second!" Joleen called from the doorway, and Janna rushed to help her secure it. Behind them, Jackie helped Marco to his feet.

"Thanks." He grunted. "Stuff's in the cabinet."

He pointed, and Joleen rushed over to blast the lock off of it. Moments later she was distributing gear. Marco got a magic bracelet. Joleen got her sidearm and badge back. Janna got a satchel and bandolier of stuff she still didn't know how to use.

"More guys!" She called, and ducked her head inside the doorframe after a volley of laser-bolts singed her hair.

Marco shrugged off Jackie's help and flexed as he reattached his bracelet. He seemed to ripple with power, the script itself bending reality around him as he regained strength.

"Rematch." He grumbled, and stomped toward the door.

"Uh, dude, maybe you shouldn't -" Janna tried to stop him before he charged, but he gave her a silencing glare before running straight into the line of fire.

"FIGHT!" He bellowed and charged. Head bowed, he flickered with a fiery aura while a hail of laser-fire deflected off of him.

In only three strides, he'd made it to the enemy, crashing into their defensive line like a force of nature. Cyber-soldiers went flying like bowling pins. Those that recovered met their demise a moment later as he began tearing up the floor itself to throw at them.

With a crash, the last one met its end, wedged in and crackling between the electricity of a nearby cell and a metal floor panel.

Marco, panting, stormed towards the elevator. "Come on!" He shouted at the others. "We're getting to my uncle!"

For their part, Janna, Joleen and Jackie had all watched in stunned silence. It was as if they'd just watched a natural disaster unfold - powerful, impressive, and a little bit terrifying.

They lost track of Marco as soon as he rounded the first corner, but his trail proved to be easy to follow. Destroyed drones, K.O.'d cybermen, and even a Platinum Platform littered his wake, with the three encountering virtually nothing that hadn't already been smashed, crumpled, incinerated or otherwise completely devastated.

They met Marco at the elevator, where two more of the walker-platforms were lying in crumpled heaps. Through the mist, it almost looked as though Marco had suddenly sprouted extra limbs - but when they got closer they realized that he was effortlessly holding president Corprus in a headlock as the man beat and struggled against him.

"Look who I found. Here to interrogate me I guess." Marco shrugged, which looked unpleasant for the president.

"Let me go! Let me out this instant Derrick, or so help me I'll put half our GDP out as a bounty on your head!"

"Try it." Derrick glared and tightened his lock, just a fraction, which was more than enough to shut the man up.

"Marco," Janna said, breathless, as they jogged an approach "that was…"

"Totally awesome." Joleen finished with a grin. "This is so cool."

Jackie looked at him with an expression somewhere between respect and adoration.

"Top floor." Marco directed. "Janey, the console. The president here is going to take us all the way up."

"I will do no such thing! Release me, Derrick, and I _may_ see to it that your uncle is allowed to live!" Corprus cried. Marco flexed mildly and he quieted at once, perhaps remembering his rather precarious situation.

"The keycard on my vest," he said meekly. "The passcode is 'starbound.'"

Janna swiped the chip from his shirt and entered the password when asked. The elevator rumbled to life a moment later, and began to ascend.

For a moment, there was only quiet, save for the President's occasional grunts as he adjusted himself and generally tried to escape.

Janna took the time to quietly reflect on things, while Joleen kept a hand on her holster and watched as they ascended past the lobby. Her wrist still tweaked with pain, but it was fading.

For the moment, she had time to think. This was magic. Earth-magic. Perpetrated by someone who looked like a distant cousin. That raised many questions. How was he able to do anything without a spellbook? How was _she_ able to do anything, for that matter, since she'd been so unsuccessful prior to the book appearing? Were there more magic wielders out there on Earth, hidden away?

She'd never thought about such things before, but now her head was buzzing.

She was pulled from the clouds, though, by Jackie breaking the quiet.

"Um, Derrick, there's something I want to say." Janna's eyes snapped to her, attention rapt.

She was standing uncomfortably close to Marco, who was presumably too preoccupied with thoughts of their mission to notice much. He grunted assent.

"When we got seperated, I was worried I'd never get to see you again. I was so worried that they'd done something to you, or figured out a way to take your magic."

Marco gave a cocky smile. "You should know better, Jen. Nothing keeps me down for long. Remember when I rode that nuke into orbit?"

Jacke pursed her lips, and Janna couldn't take her eyes away. "What I'm trying to say is, I care about you, a lot." She continued, and stepped still closer.

Derrick must have been one thick-headed guy, because he still didn't get the hint. "Uh, I care about you too."

"No, I mean…" Jackie took a breath. Blood was roaring in Janna's ears. "I'm in love with you, Derrick."

Reaching up, she put her arms around his neck and leaned in, locking him into a kiss.

That must've been enough to snap Marco out of the script's grip, because his eyes went wide. His arms went slack, and as she pulled away, the president managed to extricate himself from his headlock - not that he could do much with Joleen pointing a laser-pistol at him a moment later.

Janna clenched her fists, rage bubbling up. That was her _sister!_ She _knew_ how she felt about Derrick, and -

"YES!" Joleen screeched with delight, and did a little dance. "I KNEW IT!" Her joy was one only felt by true shipping trash as their fantasies were realized.

That was enough to snap Janna back to reality - had she really been about to attack Jackie?

Marco looked as though he'd just had a bucket of icewater thrown over his head. "Uhhhhh…" he stammered, but before he could react further, the elevator snapped to a stop at the top of the tower.

"HOLD YOUR FIRE!" The president bellowed, and Janna was glad that he had - the largest force they'd seen yet, now including a few flying craft that looked suspiciously like Apache helicopters, had come into view, every weapon aimed at the elevator.

Straightening his tie, the president stepped out from the elevator, Joleen having lowered her pistol in her excitement.

"That was a sweet moment." He said, now adjusting his lapels. "Truly, touching. Enjoy it, Derrick. It will be your last."

Stepping back behind enemy lines, he waved his hand without looking back. "Kill them."

What happened next was nothing but a blur of heat and a wall of noise. Every weapon in the clearing - some 20 or 30 laser weapons, with a couple missile-launchers thrown in to boot - was fired at once, and with a mighty roar, Marco stepped forward and swept his hand.

An enormous, blazing orange wall of fire waved out, absorbing laser-bolts and missiles alike. Cyber-soldiers' weapons melted in their hands. Servos overloaded in the mechanized units, and they keeled over, smoking. Helicopters spun out of the sky.

A melee ensued a moment later, but subsided before Janna's ears had even stopped ringing.

"Worthless!" The President stepped onto a final ship at the other side of the roof. This one was a far cry from anything they'd seen so far. Metallic scales covered every surface, save for a pair of blue engines which ignited silently as soon as he was up the ramp. A pair of reptilian looking guards hefted their own, similarly scaly-looking rifles and made to follow. "You'll never stop us, Derrick!"

"You're not getting away!" Marco roared and crossed the clearing in a few mighty bounds. Jumping on board, the two lizards were knocked aside like they weighed nothing, and President Corprus was thrown back down to the rooftop like a rag doll.

"Take care of him for me!" He shouted. "I'm going to save my uncle!"

Before anything else could be said, the ramp closed behind him, locking him inside. The ship took off moments later, shooting towards the sky before disappearing with a flash of white light.

"Marco!/Derrick!" Janna and Jackie screamed after him.

* * *

There was a sudden lurch and Janna blinked, feeling like she was about to lose her lunch.

She swung her head wildly as her brain adjusted - she was back in her own body, Joleen next to her, and the rest of the auditorium was on their feet, screaming its approval. The script-reading had, presumably, just concluded.

Janna turned her head so quickly that she almost gave herself whiplash. Marco and Jackie were still sitting behind her, and relief blossomed in her chest. For a fraction of a moment, she'd been worried inside the script _and_ outside it - with Marco disappearing into the sky, would he still be in his seat when it finished?

Magic could be weird like that.

She wanted nothing more than to take a moment of silence to untangle herself from the script, maybe figure out which feelings were hers, or siphon off the remnants of the personality magic still hanging around her head, but an auditorium full of hundreds of screaming nerds was not the place to do it.

Nor was it the time, as she noticed that Lesley Rutiliano had decided to make a hasty exit, stage-right.

"Oh no you don't," Janna growled. "I have questions."

She stood up and sprinted towards the stage, which the remaining writers and other crew immediately took notice of. A couple buff-looking security guards moved to intercept, but this wasn't a script - Janna could feel her magic once again.

"Levitato!" Drawing on the well, a grateful thought passed through her mind like the wind through her hair as she flew above them. She was level with and then above the stage, turned and angled like a rocket, and grabbed the lead writer by the scruff of his shirt as she whipped past, sending them both bowling out a back exit and into a parking lot.

The writer tumbled, but Janna stayed airborne, doing a quick loop to lose her momentum. Lesley held up his hands sheepishly from where he was sprawled on the pavement. He then began to talk very meekly, and very fast.

"Okay it's Janna right? I did _not_ mean for that to happen to you and your friends, and I'm sorry, and you can have anything you want just PLEASE don't hurt me!"

He cowered on the pavement and it occurred to Janna that she was still floating. Allowing her feet to touch the ground, Glossaryck zipped to her shoulder a moment later.

"Janna, what happened?" He asked. "I wanted to stay for the QA!"

Janna looked at him, and so did Lesley, albeit probably for very different reasons. "You mean you don't know?" Janna asked. "He's magic! He sucked me and the others into the story, like, _literally_ _into the story._ "

Glossaryck looked at her incredulously. "I'm serious!" Janna added. "And it _wasn't_ my fault!"

Glossaryck looked at the man on the ground. "That true?" He asked, and Rutiliano shrugged.

"Uh, yeah. Kinda." He said. Presumably realizing that the ticked-off 15 year old was no longer going to attack him, he got back to his feet and dusted himself off. "Are you a genie?"

Glossaryck rolled his eyes. "You don't just _ask_ if someone's a genie. Rude."

Although she definitely wasn't about to attack him, Janna still stalked over and got in his face. "Okay. Tell me everything. Script-you said it was an enchantment?"

"Script me?" Lesley looked at Glossaryck, maybe hoping for help, but the blue man shrugged. "Um, I wasn't sucked in with you, I just felt it happen. But yeah, I use, uh, enchanted scripts. Y'know how people say, like "that story's magic!" That's, like, uh, literal for me." He shifted uncomfortably and gave half a smile. Now that he wasn't in mortal peril, Janna noticed that he'd started getting quieter and folding up, like a turtle retreating into its shell.

"So how'd you learn how to do it?" Janna asked.

"That's some advanced magic," Glossaryck added.

"Oh, um, I don't know. My dad taught me when I was a kid. He said it was a family tradition, but, um, I didn't really listen too much…"

"Can you teach it?" Glossaryck asked, and Lesley shrugged.

"I mean, he said that if I ever did I'd go to - um, someplace bad." He meekly deflected. "But, uh, since you're magic, I mean, uh, it might be okay…"

"Hmm." Glossaryck stroked his chin and floated closer to examine the man in more detail. "Well then, I'll be in touch."

With that, he zipped into Janna's pocket, seemingly finished with the conversation.

"So your dad taught you?" Janna asked. "Where'd he learn it from?"

"Um, his dad, I think? And his dad before that, and stuff. Dads all the way down."

At that moment, Marco and Jackie all appeared around the side of the building with their bags of souvenirs swinging wildly, presumably not let onto the stage to follow after Janna had disappeared. "Janna!" Marco called. "What's that - hey, you're the guy who sucked us into that mess!"

"Not on purpose!" Leslie called back.

"Where's Joleen?" Janna asked, and Jackie shrugged.

"Said she didn't want to miss the QA. But seriously dude, that wasn't cool." She too directed her attention to Rutiliano.

Lesley seemed to wilt even further, now under the appraising gaze of not one but _three_ annoyed teenagers. "Sorry?" He asked.

Marco grunted, seeming to find the apology acceptable.

"Fine," Janna said. They'd reached an impasse - she didn't exactly have a lot else she could do. "You're off the hook, so long as you try and figure out where your magic came from."

Relieved, he bowed awkwardly and made off towards his car, presumably to breathe into a paper bag or something. But a final burst of inspiration struck Janna as he was walking away. "Hey, can I have your autograph?"

The trio made it back to the convention hall just in time for the QA to end, and Janna quickly picked out Joleen's head bobbing among the crowd. "Hey!" She called, and her sister made her way over.

To Janna's surprise as much as anyone's, Joleen gave her older sibling a tight hug. "Janna! That was _so cool_ how we had to _do_ the episode like that! And I was Sam! And I got to shoot her gun, and we got to do a prison break, and Derrick kissed Jenny and we've GOTTA do that again sometime!"

Marco and Jackie both looked thoroughly mortified at mention of their script-enabled liplock, and took a step apart. Janna, meanwhile, looked down at her sister and couldn't help but smile at her unbridled enthusiasm. She reached into her back pocket and withdrew the pamphlet for the panel, which Lesley Rutiliano had hastily scribbled his name across in bright-red marker.

"Happy birthday."

Joleen's squeal probably could've shattered a window.

* * *

Though Janna wanted to do nothing more than go home and sort out the day's events, Joleen insisted on visiting the rest of the convention's booths. It wasn't exactly the _worst_ way to spend an afternoon, although Janna made a point to steer them away from any more of the panels.

Marco and Jackie had separated from them again, and although they were rather meek towards each other, Janna noticed that they were still holding hands.

 _That_ annoyed her to no end, and with only a couple booths left unvisited, she insisted on pulling Joleen out of the convention center a few minutes later. Marco had never gotten a new phone, despite it being the better part of 6 months since he'd lost his last one. But a quick text with Jackie confirmed that they'd be able to get a ride home some other way.

Thanks to Joleen's dimensional scissors, they themselves were back at their house in just a couple of steps, Joleen rushing to her room to enshrine the day's souvenirs while Janna sat down on the couch, shut her eyes and for the first time, allowed herself to sink into her mosh-pit of emotional distress.

There were symbols and runes that Glossaryck had taught her, for siphoning off excess personality magic and help her start feeling normal again. But for the moment, she allowed herself to wallow.

It had been a long day. She was confused, tired, and now that she'd let down the defenses, completely helpless to all the impulses she'd held back from the script reading. Anger, love, desire, despair, admiration - most in flavors she only ever experienced from her magic training.

Joleen returned to the living room and clicked on the TV to her favorite show after a few minutes, and Janna excused herself to her room. She'd remember the day for a long time, and was probably now a premiere authority on a show she'd never watched. But a few moments, it seemed, would be burned into her head for longer than others.

* * *

 **So yeah. That's that.**

 **As I found out halfway through rewriting this chapter for the third time, you can't really just drop your characters into the climax of an entirely different story with no plan and expect it to be cohesive. There was so much going on, and it ended up confused. I think SKL and I got it worked out in the end, but overall, for how much time it took to write it's still mediocre as a result. So, congrats, you've survived this story's version of "Running With Scissors." Except we managed to avoid aging one of our characters up 20 years. The plot's just gibberish for other reasons.**

 **If you're interested in reading a different take on this same idea with Star and Marco instead of Marco and Janna, check out my other story, _Star and Marco Vs. The History Report_. It does the thing much better, I think. But whatever. It's done.**

 **More new art on the tumblr, and it all looks incredible! Thanks to some fantastic work by the artist Zoratrix and thanks to SKL's seemingly bottomless wallet, we've now got a scene of Janna's magic shop, Janna and Marco laying on the grass after taking the happy-drink from the last chapter, Janna and the others trying to make a wand, and Joleen finding her first magic crystal. Everything's beautiful! Next up, Marco vs. the shadow-knight.**

 **Comment response!**

 **Nico: Thanks for chiming in! I'm not going to pretend like we haven't started to diverge a bit from the way the characters have acted in the show, but we do try to keep to the right tone at the least. Glad we're still sticking true to it :)**

 **Guest: Someday I'll publish this story as its own work and then make a Netflix series out of it. Being able to see certain scenes animated would totally rock.**

 **You don't really have to have a reason to suddenly dislike someone, it can just be a general feeling of anger and annoyance. Those of you with siblings will understand what I mean. But it really speaks to Marco's willpower that he was able to deal with the magic, one way or the other, huh? Except maybe not, cuz Janna also seems to just have pretty poor impulse control. Either/or, I suppose.**

 **Mr. Ursine: Thanks for stopping by! The pairing is Janco. Except for all those other pairings. Surprise! Ludo X Marco is going to be the REAL endgame ship. How's Janna supposed to compete with that beak? Did I already make that joke?**

 ** _On the next episode of Janna Vs. The Forces Of Evil:_ Janna's adventuring dry spell continues, but magic has a funny way of messing things up on its own! Not only is Janna's mom out of work, but a training session gone awry ends up swallowing the Russo household! Literally! Fortunately, the Diazes are more than happy to host a spare family for awhile - but will Janna and Marco be able to adjust to going from friends to roommates?**

 **Find out next time, in the next episode: Pinkslipped!**


	28. S2C7: Pinkslipped

**New schedule up on the tumblr! Chapter synopses for the rest of s2, available now! One chapter a month, effective immediately! More art! We're reediting the story, and it's on AO3 now! More info at the bottom! Enjoy!**

* * *

March rolled around at the speed of a bullet for Janna and company. Between the ever present forces of the Janitor's attacks, Glossaryck's training, and the usual waterboarding of schoolwork, hours transformed to days faster than she could track.

Now that she was more-or-less adept at personality spells, Glossaryck had moved her onto the next section of the book that he'd deemed appropriate: summoning. Or, as Janna quickly understood, creating apparitions.

Thus far, the lessons had been utterly boring. Janna never thought she'd catch herself wishing for "the good ol' days" of spending entire afternoons suspended in magically-induced melancholy, and yet, compared to the current alternative, nothing seemed more appealing.

She'd been excited at first, as the idea of portalling in lions or maybe a dragon or two to fight for her sounded amazing. But Glossaryck had been quick to squash her dreams.

First, the summoning was a conjuration. She wasn't willing an animal into existence, and the few times she'd been able to succeed at the spell, it had been closer to a ghostly apparition than a real beast. But even in the drawings in the book, the animals were little more than magical manifestations - bright and glowing, yes, but short-lived.

Then came the exhaustion. Each time Janna attempted the spell, she had to pour her magic into the being, trying to form it into what she wanted. She was literally fabricating a creature from her magical strength, after all—and when she got it wrong, or broke her concentration, that effort was all for naught and she was left tired anyways.

On top of that, according to Glossaryck, a magic-user had to "understand the creature to its smallest details" in order to correctly picture and summon it. That little nugget meant that all they'd been practicing on was flies. Thanks to the rapid, unexplainable overgrowth of Janna's backyard, they were _everywhere_ \- all they had to do was catch one, and she had all the information she needed.

And finally, there was the problem of control. The bigger and more unwieldy the creature, according to the book, the more difficult it was to control, but Janna was having trouble controlling anything _at all_. Even the smallest of insects had proven too much for her, buzzing off before dissipating into puffs of magic mist.

In short, it wasn't a great time.

And yet still they tried. They tried and tried, until Janna could hardly stand, as dozens of attempts each evening left her leaning on Marco when the sun went down, heading inside to scribble down answers from his "borrowed" homework, then collapse into bed with hardly a thought towards anything but rest.

But despite it all, Janna kept at it, if for no other reason than the sheer need to prove that she _could_. No other type of magic had yet given her so much trouble, and she was determined to show that she had what it took.

So, despite her general fatigue and frustration, she'd dedicated the first week of the month to nothing-but, and spent the last six hours of her day in the backyard, saying the incantation over and over, studying every tiny detail of the fly that Glossaryck had caught in his magic box, and doling only smidgens of magic into each attempt—she wasn't going to tire herself out until she knew she could get it.

And she was finally seeing results.

"Good, now, concentrate on the individual pieces of the creature, and how it comes together. Consider how it acts. Envision it in your mind, and imagine it floating out of your head and into the world." Glossaryck instructed her for probably the thousandth time. "You're almost there. You've almost got it! Now, say the words."

 _"Expellius Fornum."_ Janna muttered, and imagined the fly. A tiny little speck of life, buzzing around in her brain, made up of the components she'd memorized, the behaviors that had annoyed her for as long as she could remember.

Though she couldn't see with her eyes shut, a little wisp of magical fog peeled away from her forehead and condensed into the air. Wings were defined, then attached to a tiny, multi legged body, and then there was a fly suspended in the air.

Janna opened her eyes and the wisp snapped, letting the fly buzz away.

"Quickly!" Glossaryck commanded urgently. "Like I instructed, before it gets too far away!"

Janna felt around in her head until she found it - the little prickling feeling of the fly, draining away tiny amounts of magic. It was like she had a little patch of goosebumps on her brain.

She scrunched up her features and concentrated on that little prick of feeling, on subduing it, making it bend to her will. She'd summoned the fly before, and was actually getting better at it, but controlling it was something else.

Suddenly, it clicked. She couldn't describe what it was she actually had needed to do, or, rather, what she'd needed to make herself feel, but she suddenly understood. In that moment, the fly stopped just short of ten feet away, turned around, and, slowly, landed on her outstretched palm.

"Excellent, Janna! Great progress!" Glossaryck grinned. "You finally understand."

Janna let out a gasp, as she'd picked up the bad habit of holding her breath while she went through the process. Then she, too, grinned. With her thoughts, she told the fly to buzz up near the roof, then down to the grass, then onto her hat.

"Now, I didn't have you summon this just for some pointless magic," Glossaryck continued. "If you do it right, you can enclose a message within the creature, then send it on its way to deliver it. Very useful on a battlefield, or if your friend, uh, doesn't… have a phone. Let's try it now…"

* * *

Marco was having a downright pleasant afternoon at home at the time. With an afternoon plate of nachos in his hand, he was contemplating how best to spend the remainder of the day. Homework was done, and karate practice was a thing of the past. Janna was busy, and despite having spoken _several_ complete sentences to Jackie at Creek-Con (a feat for which he was still congratulating himself), Marco wasn't quite ready to make the jump to hanging out with her just yet.

On another day, he might contemplate needing a new hobby, or maybe making more friends. As it was, though, he saw an afternoon of TV movies in his future, followed (or possibly interrupted) by a late-day nap.

He opened a window to tempt the balmy March breeze and dug the remote out of the couch. With a plate of cheesy chips on his lap, he'd just started surfing when, to his greatest annoyance, a fly buzzed in through the open window and onto his snack.

He shooed at it but it didn't budge. And something about it was off. Flies were black. This one was glowing. And it didn't quite seem to behave like a…

"HEY MARCO!"

The chips went flying when Janna's voice shouted from in front of him, and the fly disappeared along with the plate. He looked around for her frantically, thinking she'd decided to sneak into the house again.

Nope. Magic.

* * *

It was unrealistic to imagine that Janna could hear Marco's roar of frustration from several city blocks away, but it made Janna chuckle to imagine.

She was taking a well deserved rest. Suddenly, the summoning spell didn't seem so daunting, and a large troupe of magical flies was currently in the process of bringing her a pudding cup from the fridge.

It landed in her lap, and they dissolved. She laid back on the grass and looked up at the clouds, enjoying the snack.

Glossaryck borrowed a dolloup, then said Janna's new favorite words: "ready to try something else?"

She nodded earnestly, sitting back up.

Glossaryck's gem glowed and a glowing purple box materialized, just like the ones he'd produced for Janna to study flies.

Inside was a single bug, different from what she'd seen. It was like someone had crossed a wasp with an ant, then made it twice the size and subtracted the wings.

"One of the simplest, but most effective creatures that you can summon for battle is this," Glossaryck explained. "The Mewnian Super-Termite. A few of these will eat through anything. Weapons, armor, battlements - the only thing they _don't_ eat is, uh, people! So it's _great_ for us."

The box landed in Janna's lap, and she looked at it's bizarre content with a mix of disgust and fascination. She'd never exactly shied away from the ugly or putrid—indeed, several of her escapades prior to finding the book involved procuring rat organs and the like. Still, the creature inside was as nasty as a bug came. It seemed to even be gnawing at the side of the magic box it was being kept in, as if it could eat its way out of a forcefield.

"Seems easy enough," Janna said. She was still feeling cocky from the flies - suddenly, the weeks of practice that had led up to the event didn't seem so bad.

"Wait! A quick warning:" Glossaryck swooped in and took the remainder of her pudding cup, then produced another magic box. "The creature's nature sometimes comes through in the spell. The flies were easy to summon as a swarm. A dog will be affectionate, and a cat will be lazy. The termites, too, tend to come in swarms. Make sure to put them _into the box,_ or who knows what will happen."

Janna nodded, then pictured the termite in her mind like she had the fly. It was bizarre, alien, but in a way, easier too—making it bigger made the bug a lot easier to figure out. It was a bug, it was hungry, it ate things. Easy enough.

She opened her mouth to say the incantation, when Glossaryck interrupted once again.

"Actually, it might be better if we do this away from the house."

Obliging, Janna got up and moved to the far fence, placing her a good 30 feet away from the back door.

Once again, she concentrated on the strange insect before her. She shut her eyes, opened her mouth, and…

"Actually, you know, I think we might want to hold off on—"

"I'm doing it, stop interrupting."

With a resigned glance, Janna's mentor shrugged and settled into a pose of marked interest. "Well, then it'll be interesting."

For the third time, Janna focused herself onto the being in front of her. She could picture it in her mind's eye - every little detail down to the tiny incisors it had in its head.

 _"Expellus Fornum."_

This time, she put a bit more _oomph_ into the spell, since the creature was bigger. Once the stream of magic had left her forehead, she held the magic box in front of her. She focused down upon it, willing the being into existence inside of it.

The magic folded and spun inside the box, condensed, and then, suddenly, there it was.

The presence was just a little bit bigger on Janna's mind, the creature itself just a little more complex. It was ethereal, but otherwise an exact duplicate of the specimen Glossaryck had provided.

"Well done, Janna!" Glossaryck beamed. "Now, focus on -"

He broke off as the termite began gnawing at the side of the box, just as the other one had, but this one was able to actually make an impact. Hairline cracks appeared where it was biting, and more worryingly, the magic that the box itself was made from seemed to dissipate into the air inside.

Just as when Janna had attempted the spell herself, it condensed, then suddenly a second termite appeared and set to work, same as the first.

"Okay, well, that's not supposed to happen." Glossaryck raised an eyebrow as bugs number three and four popped into existence, soon followed by number five. "Janna, if you could…"

Janna shut her eyes and went through the same mental gymnastics that worked for the flies. For a moment, the chewing slowed.

But the termites were trickier. They were bigger, more complex, and magically-inclined creatures to begin with. And they were _hungry._ She'd definitely gotten that part right.

After only a moment of respite, they resumed their attack on the prison. The walls were dissolving around them, and more and more were appearing all the time. Janna went from trying to control them to trying to keep track in moments - even though she wasn't sustaining all of them, she could still feel the presence of every single one in her mind. And there were a _lot._

There was a crackling noise, like a piece of ice under pressure, and then the bottom fell out of the box.

The magic termites scattered, consuming the other box in moments to free their comrade, before scurrying in waves all over the yard, then focusing on the house.

"Okay that's definitely not good." Glossaryck had a mild tone of worry to his voice, now. "Janna, if you could -"

Janna concentrated on shutting the bugs off. For anything she'd summoned thus far, all she'd had to do was tell it to stop existing, and it did just that. But these creatures didn't like playing by the rules.

The termites were on the patio, a wave of them scurrying towards the house and eager to continue eating. Janna could hardly slow them down. A few (presumably the ones that were still subsisting off of her own magic) vanished in puffs of mist, but dozens more were still on the move.

An enormous purple barrier slammed down hard enough to crack the concrete, only a few feet from the house, and the termites swarmed against it. Glossaryck had put up a wall.

"That's just making it worse!" Janna shouted. Sure enough, the termites attacked with gusto.

"Well excuse me Princess, I don't see you doing much." Glossaryck said sarcastically. "It's _your_ house, after all."

Deciding that more practical measures would be appropriate, Janna concentrated on summoning the biggest stream of water she could - enough to flood the entire yard.

"Hydro-oralysis pepto!"

It flowed forward from her fingertips, splashing towards the back of the house. The surge was enormous, like a dam had busted in the fence and the entire pond beyond was draining at once.

It wasn't enough. The termites, further duplicating from the wall, managed to burrow through moments before the torrent hit. They scurried forward, into the foundations of the house.

"Okay, that's bad. Janna, fly."

Glossaryck zipped into her pocket and Janna took to the skies in moments, not daring to look behind her. Unless she tried for otherwise, the spell had a distance limit on it - probably, she now realized, to stop this exact thing from happening.

It only took a few yards at most for the limit to take effect. Janna shot a few hundred feet into the air anyways - just to be safe.

Sure enough, the prickly presence of the bugs in her mind subsided, and she returned to Earth after a short grace period. The water was trickling out of the backyard, and coated her shoes when she set down on the back porch.

Glossaryck emerged and looked around. "Well, the neighborhood's still intact!" He said, as if congratulating his pupil for _not_ levelling a city block. "That could have been—"

With a mighty crackling and a groan, Janna's home swayed, crumbled, and then collapsed under its own weight, sending a cloud of dust up as it did.

The termites, it seemed, had eaten through everything but the drywall and the roof in the few seconds they'd been in the house. For creatures of war, Janna wasn't exactly surprised. And yet, she suspected that this was one problem that a spell or a pair of dimensional scissors _wasn't_ going to fix.

Joleen, clutching her terrified imp, appeared at the back door as the house broke down behind her. Both were covered in white plaster. Joey was biting at Joleen's hands in terror, and the youngest Russo's expression made the now-destroyed house look like the least of Janna's problems.

"JANNA!" She screamed.

Over a mile away, Marco's ears perked up as he finished picking up the last of his spoiled snack. He shrugged. Must've been the television.

* * *

Mrs. Florica Russo, otherwise known as Mom, was a hard woman to crack.

She'd run away from an abusive, traditional family when they wanted to marry her off, and never finished high school. So, she got a job and supported herself. The work was tough, but she'd always remember her father telling her leave and not to come back.

She'd gotten pregnant soon afterward from a man who was who-knew-where, and had to find time for a baby while working as a high school dropout. Raising a little girl by herself was tough, but she'd always remember when her true love had left, and not come back.

Then he _had_ come back, and for awhile, things seemed better. He'd bought her a house, helped raise Janna for a few months, and she'd gotten pregnant with her second daughter before he'd left again. Raising two children by herself was tough, but she'd always remember when the man who'd promised better had left, and, once again, not come back.

She was a hard worker—consistent 60 hour work weeks had kept her away from her family, but had always put food on the table. Her managers had always given her glowing praise. After years, she'd even managed the role of assistant manager, the best she could hope for without a GED.

Then, corporate downturns meant that her Shop-Mart had closed. Whatever came next, she'd never forget being given an hour's notice to pack her desk before being told to leave, and not come back.

She had no job, she had no future, and her daughters… well, her own teenage years had ended with her abandoning home and getting pregnant with Janna. She desperately hoped that theirs would maybe be a bit more tame.

All she had was her beat up Kidyota four-door, the food that was in the fridge, a bag of junk food she'd stolen on her way out the door, and the house that was left above her head. And after ten years, she didn't expect that Dad was going to be back in the picture to save her from drowning, this time.

When she turned the corner to her street and what little she had left without her job, she was so distracted that she drove straight past the driveway on the first pass. Only, turning around, she was forced to stop in the street and gape at what terrible, awful thing she must have done to deserve such a practical joke of a ruined life.

The house wasn't just leaning, like it had since a bad storm had knocked it sideways, 5 years ago. It wasn't just damaged, like when (according to Janna, anyways) a gang of monsters had put a hole in her bedroom wall to steal a book.

The house was _gone._

The front door was lying flat against the concrete front steps, with the entire foundation and lawn covered in white powder. She could see the skeletal remains of appliances sitting among the rubble, covered by the shingles from the roof and dusty drywall fragments It was as if someone had decided to just come in and crush the house down to rubble.

All she could think of was where her daughters had disappeared to.

She piled out of the car without bothering to set the brake, and ran up the lawn towards the front door. "JANNA!" She screamed. "JOLEEN!"

The damage wasn't any prettier up close. Hills of plaster covered entire rooms, topped by peaks of shingles. Floricia took a single step into the devastated frame, and for a single, terrifying moment, contemplated having to dig her children out of the rubble.

"Mooom!" Joleen's distinct voice carried from what sounded like the backyard. "Janna destroyed the house!"

"Joleen?" Relief surged into her chest. "Stay right there honey, I'm coming!"

She picked her way through the ruins as fast as she could, and could hear her two daughters quabbling as she got closer.

"I did not!" Janna said, but her tone made it clear that even _she_ didn't believe herself.

"Oh, so the house just collapsed all by itself!" Joleen demanded. "Nothing to do with the magic training, nothing to do with the - OW, Joey, stop it!"

The girl's strange pet (Floricia had long since stopped trying to figure out what it actually was) gave a squawk that was quickly muffled—probably stuffed into a pocket.

In another moment, the two came into view just past where the sliding-glass back door had been (it was lying shattered on the patio). Joleen was covered head-to-toe in white drywall dust. Janna hardly looked any worse for wear, but for an ugly expression that said she'd just been forced to swallow wet cement.

"Girls!" The mom stumbled onto the back patio and caught them both in a hug before either could protest, squeezing quite a bit too hard as she let out her relief. "You're okay! What happened?!"

"Janna's weird magic broke the house!" Joleen accused, safely deposited back onto the ground.

"No, I didn't." Janna said glumly, and her mother examined her.

Janna knew she was lying. Joleen, obviously, knew Janna was lying. And, giving her daughter an intense look, Mom Russo was fairly sure that her oldest daughter was lying.

She pursed her lips. "Well, we'll talk about that later. The important thing is you're all okay."

And it was true—losing the job, losing the house, none of it really seemed that important now. Her girls were safe, and, after all, they were her whole world.

(Even if one of them destroyed the house and the other had an imp).

* * *

While the Russo siblings picked through the remnants of their rooms and Mom tried to scavage what she could from the closets and kitchen, Glossaryck quietly assessed the situation from the safety of his pocket.

No comfortable stay was forthcoming - that much had been clearly obvious when Florica hadn't been able to provide a plan except "stuff the car."

And it was definitely best that the Russos stay on Earth, that much was certain.

So while Janna was distractedly trying to find her backpack in the remnants of her desk, Glossaryck made a call. Metaphorically, anyway.

Literally, he opened a portal to a certain latino's residence, and passed through.

Marco, it seemed, couldn't catch a break. Chipless, he was at least able to enjoy a nice few minutes of television, and was just beginning to head towards a nap when his least favorite person in the world appeared through a portal behind his head.

He was in the middle of a wide yawn when Glossaryck made his presence unexpectedly known.

"Hello!" He called.

Marco nearly bit off the end of his tongue, and he scrambled before falling off the couch entirely.

"You! What do you want?" He asked. "Was that Janna's prank earlier? Tell her to knock it off!" He'd taken a pillow from the couch and was holding it as if Glossaryck was suddenly going to breathe fire.

"Janna probably needs your help and won't ask for it," Glossaryck explained shortly.

"And?" Marco asked. He followed up by tossing the pillow back onto the couch and climbing back up himself, before reaching for the remote. "If she wants help she can come ask herself."

"Her house is gone." Glossaryck stated.

This gave the boy pause. "Like, gone-gone?"

"Gone-gone." The genie confirmed.

"What happened?"

"Oh, you know, super-termites."

"Gross."

"Yep."

There was a moment of silence. Then, Marco sighed heavily. "I'll go get my parents…"

* * *

"Come on girls, HEAVE!"

As their mother had protested leaving what they could scavenge in the middle of nowhere in some alternate dimension (and put her foot down on simply moving to one themselves), and no one could think of a good place to stuff it in their own, Janna was currently putting some good-ol elbow grease into shoving as much of their house's salvage into the back of the family Kidyota as possible.

In total, they'd managed enough food for a couple days from the kitchen (and quickly gobbled down anything that couldn't fit in a cooler), a few very dusty changes of clothes apiece from the bedrooms, the television that had somehow miraculously survived underneath the living room's rubble (and had even still been on), the family safe, and some rather tattered camping supplies from the garage.

In total, they'd just barely managed to get the trunk closed, and were currently working hard to try and fit both the television _and_ the camping equipment into the back seat.

With the back of the car completely stuffed, Janna and Joleen would have to squeeze into the passenger seat. Janna insisted she could just fly overhead (along with most of the supplies), but her mother was having none of it.

But, for that matter, there wasn't much word on where they were _going,_ either. They didn't exactly have a plan-B stored away for "Janna accidentally levelling the house." Their mom hadn't been specific, but the camping equipment didn't inspire the greatest of confidence.

Janna, for her part, was doing her best to squash what she imagined she'd someday describe as "immense, soul-crushing guilt."

Sure, it had been bound to happen at some point. She kept reassuring herself, over and over, that it had only _technically_ been her fault.

 _Really_ , she rationalized, _it had been Glossaryck's box, so it was actually mostly his fault._ And the little man must have realized the same, as he hadn't emerged from her pocket since the backyard.

She was contemplating several options. First and foremost, of course, there were presumably spells to magically generate structures. But she wasn't exactly _practiced,_ and she broadly suspected that they were one of those "wand-only" things—she hardly wanted to imagine how taxing it would be to generate an entire _house._

She was deliberating tracking down King and Queen Butterfly, as well. Surely, they had some kind of wealth stored away that could be "borrowed?" But she hadn't heard from them since after the wand incident, and Moon's tone at the time had made it more than clear that they were going to be _very_ busy.

 _Trust Glossaryck,_ she'd said. _You have to continue to train._

She snorted, which, from her odd position next to Joleen as they heaved supplies into the car, attracted a strange glance.

So, really, it was Moon's fault too.

The only thing she absolutely _hadn't_ considered was imposing on her friends. She didn't know much about Jackie's family, and living with Marco… well, she _liked_ the guy, but actually _living_ with him sounded like an absolute nightmare. Probably.

She was shaken from her thoughts by a honk from the street, and looked up to see Marco and his parents, getting out of their car and walking up the driveway. For the briefest flash of a moment, she wondered if she'd summoned them with her thoughts, like another magic apparition.

"Oh, look!" Glossaryck had emerged from Janna's pocket, and was examining the incoming party with interest. "That's convenient."

After the standard courtesies were exchanged (an offer, followed by a gracious decline, followed by an insistence, followed by a gracious acceptance), and a short ride later, Janna found herself apprehensively on the doorstep of the Diaz household. Her gracious hosts had already shown her mother and sister inside and up the stairs while dragging along their clothing. But Janna lingered.

 _This is a really bad idea,_ she thought to herself, over and over again. _This is a really, really bad idea._

Farbeit that she was considering the consequences of _also_ destroying the Diaz household—there were quite a few public parks she could use to make sure _that_ probably wouldn't happen. But just the idea of living with _Marco_ bothered her, and what was worse, she couldn't pin down a single reason _why_. The compulsive neatness of the household, the organized tendencies of Marco himself, the idea of having him around, every minute of every hour of every day... those were all factors, but they were smaller pieces of a bigger pie. She didn't like that she didn't know the flavor.

Mind made up, she'd just turned on her heel and started heading back to the car when Marco found his way back downstairs.

"Janna!" He called. "Are you coming?"

Janna's mind spun through possibilities and landed somewhere between "nope!" and "just forgot something in the car." Though the only thing to come out of her mouth was "Didn't forget anything in the car!" and she chastised herself, before playing it off as a cool point of pride.

"Well that's… good?" Marco approached, and she turned back around to meet him.

 _Well I'm in too deep now,_ she thought, and stepped past him into the living room.

Marco shut the door behind her, and she had just set her effects down next to the sofa when the rest of the crowd came back down the stairs.

"Well, it's all set up," Janna's mom told her, while the Diazes smiled happily. "There's room for two in the spare room at the top of the house. So Joleen and I will stay in there, while you and Marco -"

She swallowed the end of that statement, and Marco blanched as any 15-year-old would at such a prospect. The Diazes, for their parts, had smiles now frozen in place, as if trying to decide if they could allow such a thing.

Janna could only repress a chuckle at Marco's expression. _This was familiar ground! Maybe it wouldn't be so bad._

"Well, actually," Janna's mom made the save. "I can… sleep on the couch! And you and Joleen can -"

" **No.** " Both sisters said at once. _Or maybe it might be the worst!_

"Um, okay, then… well, I suppose Joleen and Marco could -"

Marco only had to glance at the younger sister's pure, innocent face before vetoing that idea. "Not happening."

Janna's mom looked defeated, and Janna could only keep up her smirk. "It's fine, mom. I'll sleep on the couch."

Relief flashed across her face that she wouldn't have to take some other sort of measure. "Thanks, hon."

"Well, then that's all settled!" Angie gave a wide smile to the room. "Normally dinner is later, but I think, given the circumstances, we can make an exception. I hope you all are hungry~!" She sang, and everyone save for Janna followed her into the kitchen.

Janna made to do so as well, when Marco turned and stopped her.

"So, uhm-" He began, but Janna cut him off.

"Knock before entering anywhere. No magic near the house. And," she almost gagged saying it, "I'll try to keep everything clean."

Marco looked at her appraisingly, then nodded in approval. "Good. Dinnertime!"

* * *

Janna learned on Saturday that the Diazes were the worst type of people—the type to get up early on weekends.

She awoke, disheveled and bleary-eyed, at the disgustingly pre-dawn hour of 8:30 AM. She snapped at Marco's finger as he attempted to poke her face.

"It's cleaning day," he said. For some horrible reason, he looked as if he'd somehow awoken, dressed, and was already ready for the day, a feat which shouldn't have been possible on a weekend. "Mom's running the vacuum."

Janna glared at him, then turned over, covered her head with the blanket and tried to get back to sleep.

The rest of the world was having none of it, as the vacuum started a moment later. Then the door slammed with a hurried "bye, Janna!" as her mother presumably left to job-hunt.

After twenty minutes, she finally begrudgingly accepted the inevitable. The vaccuum was screaming underneath the legs of the couch, and Janna stuck her head out of the covers to find Mrs. Diaz humming cheerily while she worked.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead!" She beamed at Janna when she noticed. Janna gave her best attempt at a disgruntled glare, then tossed the blanket to the floor, stretched, and went to investigate the smells of breakfast wafting from the kitchen.

Marco was flipping pancakes. Seeing that there might be some redemption to her morning, she crept up behind him, waited until he was mid flip, then shouted.

"GOOD MORNING!"

"YEAGH!" She ducked as the frying pan was reflexively shunted towards her face. The pancake that had been mid-flip fell onto the stovetop with a splat. "JANNA!"

The girl grinned wide like the Cheshire Cat. "That's for waking me up early." She said.

Her friend grumpily began to scrape bits of rapidly-cooking pancake from the stove. "8:30 is not early!" He contested. Janna only shrugged, so he continued. "And you're better off taking notes, anyway, since you're the one cooking tomorrow.

Janna helped herself to a glass of orange juice and stood at the counter next to him. "I mean, that's a bad idea for everyone involved."

Marco gave her a lethal stare before pouring far too much batter onto the pan for the next flapjack. Janna watched and her smile only widened further.

"Don't smile," Marco smirked back. "This one is yours."

As it turned out, a pan-sized superpancake was pretty difficult to flip. The result was it being burned on one side, doughy and undercooked in the middle, and all around one of the more disappointing breakfasts Janna had ever had—which was an achievement in itself.

Still, with that out of the way, she was more than happy to trod back to the living room, step over her discarded blanket, and join Joleen in front of the television.

* * *

Janna learned on Sunday that Marco was the worst type of teenager—the type that actually showered every morning.

She only woke thanks to her mom tapping her on the way out the door to an early interview. Hardly conscious but needing facilities, she found out the hard way when she failed to realize that the bathroom door might have been closed for a reason, or remember her promise to knock.

Suffice to say, the discovery's reaction left her quite a bit more awake. What was the big deal, anyway—he'd even had a towel on!

Heading back downstairs, she remembered that she was expected to make breakfast and reluctantly trudged to the kitchen. Less than 10 minutes earlier, she'd already burned her first pancake. The second one, a moment later, was as undercooked as the first one was blackened.

The third one ended up on the stove as she realized that flipping them was _not_ as easy as Marco had made it out to be.

By the time Joleen and Marco entered the kitchen (the latter deliberately avoiding Janna's eyes), the stack of burnt, broken, undercooked or otherwise inedible breakfast food was nearly 14 layers high.

Janna had gone from cooking to trying to avoid catching anything on fire, as the pan was now approximately the temperature of the sun and burnt batter was covering the stove. A layer of smoke hovered on the ceiling.

She finally resigned herself to defeat, extinguishing the stove and dumping the pan under tap water in a cloud of steam.

She pulled out her phone instead, Glossaryck appearing with his beard in curlers and a face mask on. "Good morning, Janna. Spa day! What do you need?"

Janna purposefully turned away from the table so Marco and Joleen couldn't see, then gestured to the stack of burnt food with her eyes.

"Ah, breakfast on the fritz. Well, hmm…" he scrolled through the book's digital pages. "This ought to do the trick. Back to it!"

With that he disappeared into the phone. The spell he'd pulled up had a label: "create the food that you desire most in the world."

When Marco's parents entered the kitchen a few minutes later, they saw open windows to help clear the smoke, and found the three younger members of the house chowing down on a pile of blueberry muffin-tops.

"Screw cooking," Janna said, her voice muffled as she piled another into her mouth.

* * *

Later that day, she'd folded her blanket (per request) and even scrubbed up the kitchen of any traces of the pancake fiasco. Her homework was done (courtesy of some more "borrowed" answers from Marco's) and she was contemplating magic practice.

For obvious reasons, the backyard was out—she wasn't exactly looking for a repeat incident.

So instead, she was up in the air and zooming around town in the springtime air, contemplating other locations. Parks were too busy, and back-alleys weren't very appealing. She was just considering the eternally dry creek bed that ran through town, when her phone started to rumble. She withdrew it, surprised, and Glossaryck emerged a moment later, acting quite a bit more peculiar than usual.

"Janna," he said calmly, "-mom, calling!- I think your -mom, calling!- phone is - mom, calling!- ringing."

Janna paused in her flight to retrieve it, as Glossaryck continued his recital. Receiving the call, fortunately, put an end to it. Somehow, in the months that she'd had the book on there, this was the first time anyone had actually called her.

"Janna? I need you to come home, right now."

Immediately, she ran down the laundry-list of things that she might have done. She'd accidentially walked in on Marco, yes, but she'd folded her blanket, her laundry was stashed in the couch cushions, and she'd even cleaned up the pancake mess.

Like any good teenager did when confronted with an angered parent, she proceeded with a yellow light. "...why?"

"Trouble with your sister."

The line clicked, and Janna let out a sigh of relief. Their mom had a lot of bottled stress and knew exactly how to hit where it hurt with her punishments—not to mention that she'd rather fight the wand-monster than endure her mom's rage. If it was Joleen's fault, whatever she'd done, it was about a million times better than the alternative no matter what.

Glossaryck zipped back into her pocket with her phone as she turned to home.

* * *

As she arrived, the first thing she noticed were the police cars. Two of them were parked outside of the Diaz home, their lights still flashing. Janna landed on the doorstep and listened carefully—she couldn't hear her mom screaming. The Diaz house was either much more soundproof than her own had been (likely regardless, seeing as the door didn't need propped closed) or the cops hadn't finished whatever they were doing.

She took a deep breath and hoped that whatever Joleen had done wouldn't somehow come back to be blamed on her. She opened the door and stepped inside.

Four officers, two men and two women, were standing in a semicircle. In front of them was a defeated Mom Russo, who was clutching at a terrified Joleen's wrist in a vice-grip. There was a portal open nearby, and a fifth officer was walking into and out of it with a confused look on his face.

"And how many times before have you attempted… this?" The other four officers were presumably just as confused, and the one speaking had a notebook out with a pencil ready.

"Just this once," Joleen replied, and Janna met her mom's eyes. They both instinctively knew when Joleen was lying, especially when under duress. But Janna kept her mouth shut.

Seemingly at a loss, the officer put away his pad and turned to his comrades. "Well, shucks. I'm at a loss here, fellas. How do we report this?"

"Has _anyone_ tried to rob a bank this way before?" One of the women, hispanic and taller than the man, replied.

The cop walking through the portal reemerged. "Houdini tried something like it, once, I think?"

"Did it work?"

Portal-cop shrugged and then stepped over to his compatriots. The portal closed behind him.

The officer with the notepad let out a long sigh. "Well, ma'am, anything to add?"

Their mother gave her youngest daughter a death-glare before replying. "I lost my job and our house was destroyed yesterday. Unrelated. I'm sure Joleen was just trying to do the right thing, but rest assured—I'll be making sure it does _not_ happen again."

The officer scratched his head. "Alright, well, given the… extraordinary circumstances, and that we can't exactly submit 'portal-into-a-bank-vault' as evidence, I'm willing to let you off with a warning and make our lives all easier. But listen, missy."

He kneeled down to Joleen's eye level. "Just because you _can_ do something doesn't mean you _should._ If I get word that it happened again, I will _personally_ come down here and drag you to juvenile detention with all the other kids that want to rob banks. Do you understand?"

Joleen nodded slowly, and looked close to tears—though whether it was from fear of the imminent or pain from her mom's pincer-grip on her wrist remained to be seen. Joey stuck his head out of her sweater's collar and glanced at the officer before burying himself again. The policeman raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"Good." He stood back up, and nodded to Janna's mom. "We have your number if there's any follow up. Have a pleasant day, ma'am."

The doors opened and the officers filed out. Janna overheard the fifth policeman start; "hey, my car's still at the bank-" before the door shut behind him.

There was silence as they listened to the five pad down to the street. Then two engines rolled to life, and the two cop cars, lights still flashing, sped away down the street.

Once they'd rounded the corner, Janna's mom stared her in the face. "Go wait in the kitchen."

Turning, a little wide-eyed at seeing her mother so livid, Janna did as she was told.

The Diaz kitchen was not actually separated from the living room by much more than an archway half a wall to house cupboards and appliances. The kitchen itself formed an L shape behind said wall, with an island inhabiting the nook, and the dining table at its far end. The result was that, though someone sitting at the dining table couldn't see the front door, they'd be able to hear it just fine.

Janna entered to find Marco at the table, re-completing a homework assignment that Janna knew for a fact he'd already finished, as she'd already copied off of it. His father was at the end of the table, doing his best to read a technical manual while it rested upside down in his hands.

Mrs. Diaz was making a sandwich. Janna watched as it was finished, before she summarily disassembled it and began again.

Rather than comment on any of this odd behavior, Janna sat opposite Marco, opened her phone, and did her best to ignore the screaming that had started in the other room. It didn't help.

"JOLEEN RUSSO WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"

"I'm sorry!"

"OUT OF ALL MY TIME ON EARTH, HOW WOULD - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU - I RAISED - ROBBED A BANK!"

"Mom, I'm sorry!" Joleen really was crying now.

"YOU WILL BE SORRY! YOU WILL NOT LEAVE OUR ROOM EXCEPT FOR SCHOOL AND MEALS UNTIL WE MOVE OUT! GIVE ME YOUR PHONE! NO TELEVISION! AND WHERE ARE THOSE, THOSE—GIVE THEM!"

"Please, mo—JOEY NO!"

There was a crash as the imp, presumably terrified by all of the shouting, flew into the kitchen and smacked into a closed window, with Joleen's dimensional scissors clutched in its grasp. It plummeted to the floor in a daze and the scissors skittered away. Mrs. Diaz quietly bent down to retrieve them, and set them both on the counter.

"NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM, AND DON'T EVEN THINK WE'RE DONE!"

There was a ruckus as Joleen sprinted up the stairs, desperate to get away from her mother. As Janna laid eyes on her for herself, it was easy to see why.

Floricia Russo, when angry, attacked her own hair and tore at her own clothes. Her face reddened to the point of a tomato, and her eyes went very, very wide. The result looked quite like a caricature, and might've been funnier if it hadn't been so very, very horrifying.

Janna gulped as her mother snatched the scissors from the counter and stalked over to the table. Their eyes met, and Janna braced herself while her mother took several deep breaths.

"Did. You. Know." She asked as she pointed the scissors at her eldest.

It was a unique kind of relief that Janna could afford to look at her mother honestly. "No."

Her mother paused. "I know you use these too." She said, before handing the scissors over. "We'll work that out. Later. Not. Right. Now."

Taking several more deep breaths, she stomped back out of the kitchen and after her younger daughter.

The door to the spare bedroom slammed, and they could hear more shouting from upstairs.

It was at this point that Janna took a deep breath as well, as she hadn't realized she'd stopped breathing. She surveyed the kitchen.

Mr. Diaz was clutching his reading material so tightly that it had torn. Marco was continuing to scribble away as though his life depended on it. Mrs. Diaz had shifted tracks from remaking the same single sandwich, to making as many as possible. She was on her seventh, and showed no signs of slowing down.

Joey came free of his daze and, perhaps recognizing a friendly face, zoomed into Janna's sweater to hide. She could feel him trembling in her inner pocket.

A moment later, the upper bedroom door slammed again, and Janna heard her mother storm to the front exit before slamming that behind her too. Outside, their four-door creaked in protest as she got into it, but showed no signs of going anywhere. More than likely, her mother was simply trying to calm down.

Standing up, Janna grabbed a pair of Mrs. Diaz's sandwiches and went upstairs to find her sister.

* * *

She gave a gentle knock at the topmost door in the Diaz house before entering. The room itself was bare except for a pair of single-wide beds, a dresser, and a simple wooden desk and chair.

Joleen was lying on what was presumably 'her' bed, head covered by her pillow, and crying.

Janna sat gingerly on the edge of the mattress. Their mother had a certain… effect on them. Janna, even with several extra years of experience in such matters, still probably would've had trouble keeping herself together. And when she'd been 11 like her sister, well…

"Go away." Joleen's muffled voice sounded stuffy, and miserable.

"Brought you food," Janna set a sandwich next to her sister. "And a friend."

Reaching into her pocket, she extracted Joey, who was now quite a bit calmer. He zoomed down and chittered, entering and exiting Joleen's jacket before taking a munch on the turkey-and-cheese.

Joleen sniffled, and uncovered her head. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was running—overall, she was about the most pathetic thing Janna had ever seen.

"Sorry," she said tonelessly, and Janna shrugged.

"Remember when mom caught me running that underground betting ring a couple years ago?"

Joleen gave half a smile. "Yeah. And when you got suspended for spray-painting the opossum statue?"

Janna cracked a grin. "She shouted herself hoarse."

Joleen looked down at her sandwich, which Joey had peeled apart to get at the cold-cut inside. "I was trying to help. I'd done it before, to pay for lunches and stuff, and I thought—" her eyes widened. " _Don't tell her that."_

Janna shook her head. "Tell her what?"

Joleen looked at her gratefully. "And I just thought, y'know, if I could just take enough so that we could get a new house…"

Joey, presumably content, climbed into her lap and began to snore almost immediately. Joleen poked at the remains of the sandwich and eyed the one Janna had, which she handed over. Janna herself could only offer a shrug.

"A couple months ago I accidentally summoned a giant monster that almost blew up Mewni." She admitted. Joleen took a big bite of bread in response. "Mistakes happen."

Joleen nodded, and they sat in silence while she finished eating. "And you deleted the internet." She said. "And caused a police-chase."

Janna smirked as she recalled the adventures. Compared to what she'd gotten up to lately, her sister robbing a bank suddenly didn't seem so extreme.

Carefully setting Joey on the bedspread, Joleen turned on her side. "I'm going to take a nap. Thanks, Janna."

Janna gave a rare, genuine smile and quietly exited the room as her sister, too, began to snore.

But on the foyer, she considered that maybe it was time for her to contribute, herself.

* * *

Magic was right-out. That much Glossaryck had made clear immediately. Something about summoning big stuff (like a house) without a wand being too draining, even for her.

The Butterflies, too, were of no help. Visiting their former residence, she was informed by an obviously relieved front desk attendant that they'd moved out several weeks ago.

She still couldn't reach Mewni by scissors, and a job flipping burgers didn't sound particularly appealing—not to mention a lot of legwork, considering that the internet no longer existed for such matters. So, with one last option available, she found herself standing on the oppressively hot, dimly lit plains of the Underworld.

"Prince Tom's out of the castle," the bored demon on the intercom shared when she asked. "Overseeing work on the prison. Head back down the road, past the big lava lake, and make a left. Just follow the signs."

"Prison?" Janna had asked, but received no response.

Thanks to a quick bout of air travel, she soon saw exactly what prison the demon had been talking about.

Troops of ghouls and skeletons lined the edges of an enormous pit, large enough to house the Empire State Building and then some. Accompanying them was enough construction equipment to _build_ the Empire State, and then some. Down in the darkness, there was a ground-shaking, unsettlingly familiar scream. Her wand-monster.

Janna flew a once-over before spotting her target. Tom was standing at the edge of the pit, and periodically shooting gouts of flame at steel girders as they passed on the backs of workers. Each time he did, runes and other intricate symbols appeared on the sides.

Apparently, she'd arrived at a good time—a work-horn sounded somewhere nearby and the rhythmic action of the undead took a pause. Most of the skeletons and ghouls sat down immediately, and a few even fell apart on the spot.

"Tom!" Janna intercepted the prince as he was headed to a nearby cooler.

"Janna!" Tom glared at her, and she recoiled. "Here to summon another unkillable monster for me to deal with?"

Janna felt a twang of guilt at that. "Sorry," she said, and for once, she meant it. Tom only took the moment to fill a cup from the cooler. Janna cast a glance and found it was the same bloodlike grape-tomato soda that she'd tried on his carriage, months ago. Pass.

"I'm here because… well, I need help." She explained. Tom raised an eyebrow at her and drank deeply.

"Oh, well that's new," he said sarcastically, and went for a refill. "Can't say you've ever just popped by. 'Hey Tom! How's it going? We should go bowling!'"

"You don't want me bowling." Janna deadpanned. "Look, Tom, I kinda blew up my house."

Janna explained the whole thing, omitting only what her sister had done, and perhaps weighing a _bit_ more on the Glossaryck side of things when it came to what had caused the problem. Tom's expression softened a bit as she did.

"And this Marco guy," he said at the conclusion. "He's okay with it all?"

"He's fine," Janna said, and remembered just how (relatively) patient her friend had been. "He's been great so far, actually. But I don't want to live there forever, and I don't want to go rob a bank. So I was hoping—"

"For a small loan of a million dollars?" Tom asked. Janna nodded, and managed to keep herself looking unabashed. Tom smirked. "Well, it wouldn't have been a problem a few decades ago, but I've been locked out of the royal treasury since I overdrafted it for a party, what, 30 years ago?"

Janna's expression shifted to one of disappointment. "So you can't help?" She asked.

"I didn't say that!" Tom corrected. "We've got lots of spare rooms in the Palace. You get used to the smell, promise."

Janna thought about her mom's immediate turn-down when she'd suggested something similar to her. "I don't think they'd go for it."

Tom shrugged. "Suit yourself. So, how about a job. The Union's been on my back for weeks now about these working conditions, but I can't do much about it—they're the only one big enough to handle a job like this. But since you can do magic, you might be able to take over for a bit. It'd help me out a lot, and take some of the strain off of them."

Janna nodded. "What do you need?" She asked.

Tom smiled. "Oh, just lifting beams, reinforcing walls, that kind of thing. Walking to the edge of the pit, he shouted down in. "Hey, Union, you're on break! Found you another shift!"

There was a pounding from below, and Janna watched as a gigantic hand clawed its way up out of the pit. She braced herself for a fight, before remembering that her wand-monster was black and oily - nothing like the creature that was hauling itself up.

The Union, as it turned out, was not a workers collective, but a literal collective worker. Hundreds upon hundreds of skeletons and other, far grosser creatures made up its body, and every eye on every head turned to face Janna as it stood up. "You sure she's up to it?" It asked. Over a thousand clattering voices issued forth the same question at once, in all manner of accents and dialects. Janna winced.

"Oh, sure, she's got magic. Why don't you show her the ropes?"

* * *

As it turned out, Janna _was_ up to the task, though only barely.

The wand monster was suspended in a cage constructed like metal origami, and constantly screamed and beat at its holdings. Every inch of the cage itself was covered in Tom's runes and markings, but Janna couldn't be sure they were actually doing anything.

The oil that the monster endlessly gave off (presumably the reason for the seemingly bottomless pit) came off in rivers and streams, trickling down from between enormous folds and petals in the metal before falling into the void.

The work itself was hot, dangerous, and exhausting. It alternated between back-breaking (or, in her own case, mind-breaking) labor, bouts of extreme panic, and a resulting reprieve as a new repair was completed.

And calling it repair was generous. Janna pushed herself to her limits and past them, even in the magically-charged environment of the underworld, and still could hardly keep up. In the absence of the Union (who'd apparently been responsible for most of the heavy lifting), she was facing down one crisis after the next without end.

She'd return to a foreman's platform, and the skeleton or ghoul tending to it would point her to a pile of supplies. "Breach in zone Bones-Seven!" It would say. "Workers down in quadrant Reaper-Four!"

She would pick up as much of the enchanted construction material as she could, and head to the site. It was usually pretty obvious where it was. The wand monster inside would pound and bang and shake the cage, once every few minutes. And then it'd manage to bend a bar out of shape, or get a hand through, or ram its head into an important support. Another set of workers (there seemed to be an endless supply) would go in to confront it and keep it busy, while Janna helped set the materials into place. A team would weld them up, and she would nearly collapse from exhaustion.

Then, she'd take a quick dip in one of the oily streams coming off of the elaborate cage, and zoom off to the next disaster.

At first, she was able to keep count of the problems under the false hope that they would stay solved. She'd abandoned the notion after a couple of hours, when one of her earlier repairs had been busted apart like it was made of aluminum foil.

Before long, she'd lost track of the time completely. She was drenched in sweat and soot, and soon found that only _most_ of the oil absorbed into her, resulting in a greasy sheen that only made the heat worse. Each time she drained herself, it was a little harder to recover. Each time she took an oil-bath, her muscles ached a little worse afterwords, and her headache throbbed a little harder.

She was concentrating on fitting yet another beam into place when Tom's voice finally penetrated her consciousness.

"Janna!"

He was floating right next to her, she realized, and she blinked at him.

"The Union's off their break. They're… impressed. Why don't you come topside?"

She was too exhausted to reply.

She returned to Earth, exhausted, aching, and ready for sleep a few minutes later. A small sack of gold was clenched in her hand: payment for the day's work. The sun was already down, everyone else already in bed, and the only reason she was able to make it through a shower was that the alternative was so absolutely unthinkable.

She collapsed on the couch and set the gold aside. She had no idea what it was worth. Probably a lot, since Earth treated gold differently. That was a problem for tomorrow her.

Still, she thought—her last thought before embracing her exhaustion. At least with that, Joleen might not feel like she needed to rob a bank. Her mom could put gas in the car. And _hopefully_ things would be better tomorrow.

* * *

 **This episode was... interesting. Janna's mom's got a lot going on. Not in the Fountains of Wayne type way, I mean, just in the general sense. We've got a lot of context for her that we've yet to reveal.**

 **Leave ideas for roommate-antics for Janna and Marco to get up to. They'll make good subplots.**

 **Announcements!**

 **First: we are re-upping the story on Archive Of Our Own (AO3)! We're taking the opportunity to put polish on the early chapters, as well as provide a little bit more detail and context on what's going on. The updated version of things will NOT be reupped to , though I will continue to update both sites with new content where appropriate. AO3 has cool things like image support, links, the ability to make edits without REUPLOADING THE ENTIRE CHAPTER, and comment responses! You can find a link to it on the tumblr (therussohouseholddottumblrdotcom). If you've enjoyed the story, go check up that version - I've got the revised fourth chapter going up just after I post this, and more on the way!**

 **Second: JVTFOE is going to be its own book series! I'm going to be working hard to continue editing it into something entirely new, though still familiar to those who have read. If you've ever enjoyed Gravity Falls, Star Vs., Steven Universe, or any other show with a mix of humor, slice-of-life and _deepest lore_ , drop a comment or a PM. I'm building an advanced reader list so I have people to reach before final publication, and I want YOU!**

 **Third: New art! It's great. See tumblr.**

 **Fourth: New schedule and chapter synopses through season 2 available as well! See tumblr.**

 **Finally, comment response!**

 **Guest: I think Jackie and Janna are just like sisters, yes. Except without the annoying parts of having a sibling, like them stealing your toys and tattling. The Second-Hand Crusade is just a cartoon like any other. Starfire's skirt and Raven's leotard don't seem indecent in Teen Titans, but if you spotted a real person wearing them... yeah.**

 **Some Random Guy: Thank you for the compliment! That is just what we were going for, and part of the reason I made the push to AO3 - at least there, it's easier to filter such things out. Sorry for what grammar mistakes still slip through. I catch more every time I reread the story, and trying to edit them out is a pain in the butt. Yet another reason for AO3. Glad we're keeping true to our goals!**

 **Mr. Ursine: The official current pairing for this story is Janna/Glossaryck and Marco/a plate of nachos. Yeah. Good luck getting _those_ mental images out of your head.**

 **On the next episode of The Russo Family Vs. The Housing Market:** **With Janna having mastered her personality magic, Marco's tired of being tongue-tied around his crush. Unfortunately, a spell to help remove that filter ends up going a little bit _too_ far. Still, a date with Jackie can only be a good thing, right? Find out next time on the next episode: Unfiltered!  
**


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